Mork and Mindy (1978) s01e17 Episode Script
Snowflakes Keep Dancing On My Head (a/k/a Sky Flakes Keep Falling On My Head)
Nanu-nanu, Shazbot! ( typewriter keys clacking ) MINDY: "1884.
"In the years following the completion of Huckleberry Finn, "which was written in 1884, Twain went on to write his most scathing criticisms.
" Hi there.
Hi.
Give you a lotta work in college, don't they? Yeah.
Time and Professor Raymond wait for no man.
( laughing ) What are you doing still up? Oh, me no reason.
Just thought I'd come down here and hang loose for a while.
You won't even know I'm here.
Mork Hmm? I know you're here.
Oh, please don't make me leave.
I'll do anything.
I'll shovel the dishes I'll wash the snow but don't make me go back upstairs to him! Please.
Him? Him who? Vincent Price.
He's upstairs in the TV in the attic.
Mork, why don't you turn him off? I did and then it became real dark.
Don't tell me you're afraid of a TV show.
Hey! What do ya think, I just got off the egg yesterday? Vincent Price doesn't scare me.
It was the ghosts.
And the swamp and that dude with his head cut off, carrying it in his hands.
And the whooo! ( panting ) That's what got to me, boy.
But Mork, that movie's on everybody's TV.
Boy, we need a lot more blankets then.
Mindy, why didn't you tell me about ghosts? Well, I didn't tell you about ghosts because there is no such thing as ghosts.
( squeaking ) And Vincent Price is a nice man.
He doesn't live in a swamp.
He makes soufflés and sells art at Sears.
And there's no such thing as ghosts, too.
Do you believe me? All right.
I'm glad you got that off your chest.
If there's anything else you'd like to chat about, I'm here anytime you need me.
( chuckling ) Why don't we chat about you going upstairs while I finish my report? All right, if the subject's upsetting to you, we can always change it.
How about those basketball players? Those suckers sure are big, aren't they? Look, Mork, after tomorrow, we can spend a lot of time together.
I know, we'll go away somewhere.
We'll chat about anything you want, but right now I've gotta finish this.
All right.
Thanks.
A mind's a terrible thing to waste.
You're right.
Right.
We'll get you that vacation.
Vincent Price he's real old, you know.
Good night.
Ghosts Whooo! Who could be scared of that? Whoo! Ciao.
Night.
Everything's just ( loud bang ) ( screaming ) Somebody here call a cab? Oh, yes.
Uh, ma'am, your cab's here.
That's awfully kind of you, soldier.
Here's a quarter.
Next time you're at the U.
S.
O.
, you have 2½ dances on me.
You know, your army's doing a fantastic job.
Since I've been here, I haven't seen one Necroton.
Come on.
Listen, Mindy isn't here now.
I know.
She slept in.
She stayed up till 5:00 last night to finish that report for school.
Oh, well, I'm glad she finally did it.
She's been working hard on that for a long time.
That's what I came to talk to you about.
I think she needs to get away for a couple of days, rest.
Well, do you have any place in mind? Yes, I'd like to take her to the Dog Star, Sirius.
It's incredible to see a whole galaxy fetch.
I still think it might be hard to fit that into a couple of days.
I don't believe it Ooh.
Well, I've seen it all.
What? If I should go belly up tomorrow, you can put "She saw it all" on my tombstone.
What are you talking about? Well, I've met a man from outer space.
That's nothing compared to that student out in back.
This bozo looks so weird, he makes Mork look like a Republican.
Oh, my kind of guy.
Do you think I should observe him? Somebody should keep him under observation.
Step aside, don't push! We can't all get through the door at the same time.
Exidor! Mork, is that you? I'm over here.
Would you step aside? I can't see.
Ah there you are.
Mork, my old friend, you've grown.
Oh, I can't take any more of this.
What time is it? Uh, it's 9:30.
Good.
Time for lunch.
See you later.
Lovely woman, but strange.
Exidor, you remember Pops? Are you Chinese? Uh no.
Oh, I was in the mood for a fortune cookie.
FRED: Oh, well, if, if you'll excuse me, I have a client.
One that wears pants.
The man exudes charm.
I have a feeling in a previous life he was a dust cover.
So, how's the preaching business? Behind me.
I have to look to the future.
Mork, do you have any idea how old I am? Wrong! Next Wednesday afternoon I'll be 12 years old.
Whoa, you're awfully mature for your age.
Guilt without sex! That's the key.
I'm too old to stand on street corners preaching.
I've got to settle down.
Get a straight conventional job.
What do you think you'd like to be? Emperor of the Earth! Exidor the Emperor.
Has a nice ring to it.
You won't be taking anybody else's job.
I know what I can do.
I'll help you get elected.
I'll be your campaign manager.
I know what we'll do.
First we'll get a tub to thump, some babies to kiss.
Then we'll get another set of lips so you can talk out of both sides of your mouth.
Mork! Yes, yes! I know it'll work.
Then we'll get you some hands to shake.
Some backs to slap.
We could get you some money to pass under a table.
A laundry to clean it, a Korean park.
Mork! I know, we'll build a public image for you.
First of all, you'll have a debate.
You'll lose it.
You'll make a come-back.
Then you rent a motel.
You get Cuban burglars to break into it.
Then you have some tapes.
on the tapes.
Mork, wise up! You can't get elected Emperor.
Do you have any idea who runs this world? Wrong again! I'll tell you who runs this world.
Joe Cocker! No! Yes.
Mick Jagger.
Him, too? Bette Midler.
I'd serve under her.
Yes, rock stars, Mork.
Rock stars.
And they don't have a leader until now.
That's right.
I'm going to be the rock star.
That's why I'm taking lessons from Mrs.
Hudson.
I'm going out on tour, Mork.
We'll start slow at first.
The Superdome The Garden Woodstock.
Then jump across the big pond England France.
( with German accent ): I'll take France in 26 days.
Then we sweep across Europe, amplifiers blaring.
We take Russia, China.
We take Africa.
And then they make me emperor.
Sounds reasonable.
You can say you knew me then, Mork.
You've been a good friend to me.
Anything you ever want, come to me.
Well, there is one favor I'd like to ask of you.
Name it.
Well, see, Mindy's been working very hard, and she needs a place Would you stop playing with that thing.
The man needs a favor.
No big deal.
Exidor, Mindy needs a place where she can go rest for a couple of days, get away from it all.
Would you like to drive or take a little hike? I'll take the hike.
I have the perfect place.
My summer home.
You have a summer home? I bought it four years ago when I was a doctor.
Now this is the scenic route.
You park your car here and walk the three miles to the cabin.
But that's a lake.
Oh you walk around the lake.
Exidor walks across the lake.
Thank you, Exidor.
Mindy'll really appreciate that.
An emperor takes care of his subjects.
Have a nice vacation.
You have a nice career, but there's one thing.
Your plan to become emperor sounds really good, but it relies on one thing your having talent.
Well, that's never stopped any rock group before.
Besides, you've never seen me perform.
Mork, you wait right here.
I'll get my ax.
Give me an intro, Mork.
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to get down into a tucked position 'cause you're gonna be blown out of your shorts and into your socks.
Here he comes, let's all get down here, get back up again.
Here he comes, the Duke of Disco, the Prince of Punk, the King of Rock and Roll, the future Emperor of the World, let's bring him out here, Exidor and the Proph-ettes! ( discordant accordion chords ) ( singing off-key ): Lady of Spain, I adore you Right from the night I first saw you My heart has been yearning for you MINDY: Mork, I am freezing.
MORK: Come on, Mindy.
We're almost there.
Mork, I can't believe we finally made it.
( groaning ) I thought you were supposed to be such a trailblazer.
Well, I made it from Ork to Earth, but there were no trees.
I wonder when we lost the trail.
I suspect it was right before we fell off the cliff.
Well, I owe you an apology.
Next time you can land on me.
How's your ankle? Ow.
It's still sprained.
But at least now the toes are finally facing forward.
Well, tomorrow morning I'll go looking for our luggage.
I hope it didn't sink.
Are you sure you heard a splash? I don't know if it was that or the avalanche.
I hope that beaver isn't hurt.
Well, what was a beaver doing out strolling in the middle of the night anyway? Why wasn't he in his darn dam guarding his sticks and his twigs? Do you know how yucky it is to step on a beaver's tail? I didn't know those little suckers could scream.
( imitating beaver screaming ) Well, he won't be sending any more little beaver messages with that tail for a while.
Mindy, you're not gonna have a nice weekend if you keep up with those negative thoughts.
Mork, I stepped on a beaver, I fell off a cliff and you landed on me, I sprained my ankle and my luggage is shooting the rapids on the way to Lake Mead.
And your scenic little three-mile hike was up the face of a cliff.
I knew we were in big trouble when that mountain goat tumbled by.
Boy, I didn't know they could scream either.
I'm cold and I can't walk anymore and I'm freezing to death.
But you're right.
You are right.
Why should I be negative? What else could possibly happen? Well, I could have lost the key.
( barking laugh ) Just open the door.
You lost the key? No, he never gave me one.
What! Mork, we'll freeze to death if we stay out here.
Kick the door in.
But it's my friend's Kick the door in.
But on Ork we Kick the door in.
But Kick.
( weak kick ) Mork It wasn't locked.
Oh, dopey me! MORK: Well, we better hit the sack now.
Tell you what, I'll flip you for the top bunk.
You can have it.
I don't think I could stand the climb.
Kay-o.
Looks like we'll be sleeping on Mr.
Floor tonight.
Oh, I wish there was some way back to the car.
We got lost during daylight.
Imagine what it'd be like at night.
And, besides, that beaver's out looking for us.
You're right.
I guess there's nothing we can do but just make the best of this.
Well, you gotta look at the good side, though.
At least have three walls and a roof over our heads.
Well, if it wasn't snowing, the stars would be awfully pretty.
Oh, isn't this fun? ( chuckles lightly ) I love eating out.
I don't know.
Somehow I just can't picture John Wayne sitting in front of a roaring campfire roasting Vienna sausage.
That's all Exidor had in the cabinet.
That and the mouse.
Mork, that wasn't a mouse.
It was a moldy, fuzzy gray avocado.
But it crawled.
I know.
Do you know that the only thing between us and death is this fire? We've gotta do something else to get warm.
Hey, wait a minute.
What about this little trunk? Mindy, both of us couldn't fit in there.
Although it might be fun to try.
( honking bark ) No, I mean, there might be some old blankets or clothes in there.
I know that.
Who do you think you're talking to, Morko the pinheaded boy? Wait, don't open it.
Do you think that avocado could have crawled in there? Wait! No, there's no trail of guacamole, we're safe.
What's this? Confessions of a Schizophrenic by Exidor as told to Exidor.
Here's something.
Wait.
Oh, wait.
Look, look his and hers prophet robes.
Well, at least they're made out of flannel.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty tired.
Time to hit the old sack.
No place to hang, so I guess I'll just have to rough it and sleep horizontal.
No, Mork, you don't understand.
If we fall asleep and the fire goes out, we'll freeze to death.
You mean stiff city? Oh, I suggest we stay awake.
We'll be as tight as two cubes in a tray.
( honking bark ) Well, what do you do to stay awake when you go camping? Well, we, we used to roast marshmallows and sing songs.
Sing songs, that's it.
Here we go, hit it.
( sings in Orkan to tune of "99 Bottles of Beer" ) Come on, Mindy.
Join in anytime.
( singing in Orkan ) Come on.
I don't know how to count backwards in Orkan.
Oh, bummer.
Here's one that's universal.
Kumbaya Well, what else can we do? Well, we used to tell ghost stories by the campfire.
Oh, that'd be fun.
Let's do it.
Come on, come on, come on, let's do it.
No, I'm not telling you a ghost story.
Come on, come on! No, you'll get scared.
I'm not telling you.
I won't get scared.
Besides, would you rather be a snow cone? Let's do it.
Okay.
Uh, there was this spooky old house sitting at, way at the top of a hill No! No! All right, go ahead.
Oh, Mindy.
Hmm? Wake up.
Wake up.
We fell asleep.
Look.
Oh, no.
We have to get it going again.
Here, stir the embers.
Oh, I'm so cold.
Cold.
Any matches? Ah, okay.
I can't find the matches.
Oh, no.
I, I can't find my pockets.
I can't feel my hands.
I can't Oh, I've got my gloves on.
Oh, let's see.
Ah, ah! I got 'em.
Oh, good.
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, only one match left.
Oh, no.
But there's still six hours left until daylight.
If we don't get this fire going, we're not gonna make it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Okay.
Okay, read the instructions.
"Close cover before striking.
" Look, Mindy, you can finish high school in your spare time.
Mork.
Please ( cackles hysterically ) I saw that in a movie once.
Hey, I've got it.
You can start the fire with your finger.
That's a great idea.
Except it only works when it's above 60 degrees.
Come on, Mindy.
We've gotta keep moving.
Gotta keep the circulation going.
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Mork, I can't.
Well, come on, girl.
You gotta take the bull by the tentacles.
Let's go.
Come on.
I can't, Mork.
I just, I can't.
Ah, you're right.
Who am I kidding? I can't walk either.
Mindy.
Ah, I'm sorry I got you into this.
Ever since you've met me, I've been getting you into trouble.
Oh, Mork, don't be silly.
I wouldn't trade a minute of the time we've spent together.
You know, I remember the first time I saw you.
You had your suit on backwards.
I remember the first emotion you taught me happiness.
I'm just sorry that the last emotion we're sharing is fear.
Yeah, I guess I am afraid.
It's nice to be sharing it, though.
I know.
Mork, why don't you try to make it down the mountain yourself? I mean, what have you got to lose? You.
You know, whenever people have the time, they never get around to saying the things they really want to say.
Now I really want you to know how I feel.
You don't have to.
I know how you feel.
And I know how you feel.
( car approaching ) You hear something? What? It sounds like a car.
Oh, Mork, you have to have a road to have a car.
( man singing ): Lady of Spain, I adore you What's that? It's the future emperor of the world.
And he just got my vote.
I told you to wait in the Jeep.
We can't just go barging in on them, after all, they've got a life.
Ah, Mork.
Have any trouble getting in? You have a Jeep? Yes.
About 30 yards away on a fire road.
I was packing to go out on tour and I remembered I hadn't given you a key to the cabin.
You mean we could have driven up here? Sure.
But you said you wanted to go for a hike.
How'd you like the scenic route? We don't make cliffs like that anymore.
Well, here's the key.
Have a nice weekend.
Exidor.
Mindy hurt her ankle.
Can you please give us a ride down the hill? Sure, if you don't mind the seven of us jammed into one tiny little Jeep.
Seven people sounds wonderfully warm.
But his kind of people don't have much warmth.
Zippo.
I'm sorry what happened to the cabin.
What's wrong with it? Well, let's go, boys.
Oh, sure is a beautiful night.
It sure is.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
( beeps ) Mork calling Orson.
( low buzz ) Come in, Orson.
( low buzz ) Oh, "For a good time, dial Mary Jo.
" ORSON: What do you have to report this week, Mork? Oh, this week, Your Immenseness, I would like to discuss the silliness of Earth language.
Believe it or not, Your Acreage, here words can mean more than one thing.
That's illogical.
Ha, I know, sir.
Take, for example, the word "run.
" Run can mean this rivers running people run down and men can run stores.
Miss Filmon, a sale in lingerie.
Also, the female of the species can get a run in her stockings.
( female voice ): Oh, no.
It all sounds very confusing.
I know, sir, but they still manage to communicate.
For example, the word "buck.
" They know when to pass it and when to spend it.
How do Earth people understand each other? Many times they don't.
Sometimes humans find it very difficult to tell each other how they feel about one another until it's too late.
Pity.
I know, sir.
They have a strange custom here.
I believe people should receive flowers while they're still alive, not after they're gone.
For example, sir, I never told you that I like you and I do.
Orson Thanks.
Nanu.
How'd you know I had the munchies?
"In the years following the completion of Huckleberry Finn, "which was written in 1884, Twain went on to write his most scathing criticisms.
" Hi there.
Hi.
Give you a lotta work in college, don't they? Yeah.
Time and Professor Raymond wait for no man.
( laughing ) What are you doing still up? Oh, me no reason.
Just thought I'd come down here and hang loose for a while.
You won't even know I'm here.
Mork Hmm? I know you're here.
Oh, please don't make me leave.
I'll do anything.
I'll shovel the dishes I'll wash the snow but don't make me go back upstairs to him! Please.
Him? Him who? Vincent Price.
He's upstairs in the TV in the attic.
Mork, why don't you turn him off? I did and then it became real dark.
Don't tell me you're afraid of a TV show.
Hey! What do ya think, I just got off the egg yesterday? Vincent Price doesn't scare me.
It was the ghosts.
And the swamp and that dude with his head cut off, carrying it in his hands.
And the whooo! ( panting ) That's what got to me, boy.
But Mork, that movie's on everybody's TV.
Boy, we need a lot more blankets then.
Mindy, why didn't you tell me about ghosts? Well, I didn't tell you about ghosts because there is no such thing as ghosts.
( squeaking ) And Vincent Price is a nice man.
He doesn't live in a swamp.
He makes soufflés and sells art at Sears.
And there's no such thing as ghosts, too.
Do you believe me? All right.
I'm glad you got that off your chest.
If there's anything else you'd like to chat about, I'm here anytime you need me.
( chuckling ) Why don't we chat about you going upstairs while I finish my report? All right, if the subject's upsetting to you, we can always change it.
How about those basketball players? Those suckers sure are big, aren't they? Look, Mork, after tomorrow, we can spend a lot of time together.
I know, we'll go away somewhere.
We'll chat about anything you want, but right now I've gotta finish this.
All right.
Thanks.
A mind's a terrible thing to waste.
You're right.
Right.
We'll get you that vacation.
Vincent Price he's real old, you know.
Good night.
Ghosts Whooo! Who could be scared of that? Whoo! Ciao.
Night.
Everything's just ( loud bang ) ( screaming ) Somebody here call a cab? Oh, yes.
Uh, ma'am, your cab's here.
That's awfully kind of you, soldier.
Here's a quarter.
Next time you're at the U.
S.
O.
, you have 2½ dances on me.
You know, your army's doing a fantastic job.
Since I've been here, I haven't seen one Necroton.
Come on.
Listen, Mindy isn't here now.
I know.
She slept in.
She stayed up till 5:00 last night to finish that report for school.
Oh, well, I'm glad she finally did it.
She's been working hard on that for a long time.
That's what I came to talk to you about.
I think she needs to get away for a couple of days, rest.
Well, do you have any place in mind? Yes, I'd like to take her to the Dog Star, Sirius.
It's incredible to see a whole galaxy fetch.
I still think it might be hard to fit that into a couple of days.
I don't believe it Ooh.
Well, I've seen it all.
What? If I should go belly up tomorrow, you can put "She saw it all" on my tombstone.
What are you talking about? Well, I've met a man from outer space.
That's nothing compared to that student out in back.
This bozo looks so weird, he makes Mork look like a Republican.
Oh, my kind of guy.
Do you think I should observe him? Somebody should keep him under observation.
Step aside, don't push! We can't all get through the door at the same time.
Exidor! Mork, is that you? I'm over here.
Would you step aside? I can't see.
Ah there you are.
Mork, my old friend, you've grown.
Oh, I can't take any more of this.
What time is it? Uh, it's 9:30.
Good.
Time for lunch.
See you later.
Lovely woman, but strange.
Exidor, you remember Pops? Are you Chinese? Uh no.
Oh, I was in the mood for a fortune cookie.
FRED: Oh, well, if, if you'll excuse me, I have a client.
One that wears pants.
The man exudes charm.
I have a feeling in a previous life he was a dust cover.
So, how's the preaching business? Behind me.
I have to look to the future.
Mork, do you have any idea how old I am? Wrong! Next Wednesday afternoon I'll be 12 years old.
Whoa, you're awfully mature for your age.
Guilt without sex! That's the key.
I'm too old to stand on street corners preaching.
I've got to settle down.
Get a straight conventional job.
What do you think you'd like to be? Emperor of the Earth! Exidor the Emperor.
Has a nice ring to it.
You won't be taking anybody else's job.
I know what I can do.
I'll help you get elected.
I'll be your campaign manager.
I know what we'll do.
First we'll get a tub to thump, some babies to kiss.
Then we'll get another set of lips so you can talk out of both sides of your mouth.
Mork! Yes, yes! I know it'll work.
Then we'll get you some hands to shake.
Some backs to slap.
We could get you some money to pass under a table.
A laundry to clean it, a Korean park.
Mork! I know, we'll build a public image for you.
First of all, you'll have a debate.
You'll lose it.
You'll make a come-back.
Then you rent a motel.
You get Cuban burglars to break into it.
Then you have some tapes.
on the tapes.
Mork, wise up! You can't get elected Emperor.
Do you have any idea who runs this world? Wrong again! I'll tell you who runs this world.
Joe Cocker! No! Yes.
Mick Jagger.
Him, too? Bette Midler.
I'd serve under her.
Yes, rock stars, Mork.
Rock stars.
And they don't have a leader until now.
That's right.
I'm going to be the rock star.
That's why I'm taking lessons from Mrs.
Hudson.
I'm going out on tour, Mork.
We'll start slow at first.
The Superdome The Garden Woodstock.
Then jump across the big pond England France.
( with German accent ): I'll take France in 26 days.
Then we sweep across Europe, amplifiers blaring.
We take Russia, China.
We take Africa.
And then they make me emperor.
Sounds reasonable.
You can say you knew me then, Mork.
You've been a good friend to me.
Anything you ever want, come to me.
Well, there is one favor I'd like to ask of you.
Name it.
Well, see, Mindy's been working very hard, and she needs a place Would you stop playing with that thing.
The man needs a favor.
No big deal.
Exidor, Mindy needs a place where she can go rest for a couple of days, get away from it all.
Would you like to drive or take a little hike? I'll take the hike.
I have the perfect place.
My summer home.
You have a summer home? I bought it four years ago when I was a doctor.
Now this is the scenic route.
You park your car here and walk the three miles to the cabin.
But that's a lake.
Oh you walk around the lake.
Exidor walks across the lake.
Thank you, Exidor.
Mindy'll really appreciate that.
An emperor takes care of his subjects.
Have a nice vacation.
You have a nice career, but there's one thing.
Your plan to become emperor sounds really good, but it relies on one thing your having talent.
Well, that's never stopped any rock group before.
Besides, you've never seen me perform.
Mork, you wait right here.
I'll get my ax.
Give me an intro, Mork.
Ladies and gentlemen, get ready to get down into a tucked position 'cause you're gonna be blown out of your shorts and into your socks.
Here he comes, let's all get down here, get back up again.
Here he comes, the Duke of Disco, the Prince of Punk, the King of Rock and Roll, the future Emperor of the World, let's bring him out here, Exidor and the Proph-ettes! ( discordant accordion chords ) ( singing off-key ): Lady of Spain, I adore you Right from the night I first saw you My heart has been yearning for you MINDY: Mork, I am freezing.
MORK: Come on, Mindy.
We're almost there.
Mork, I can't believe we finally made it.
( groaning ) I thought you were supposed to be such a trailblazer.
Well, I made it from Ork to Earth, but there were no trees.
I wonder when we lost the trail.
I suspect it was right before we fell off the cliff.
Well, I owe you an apology.
Next time you can land on me.
How's your ankle? Ow.
It's still sprained.
But at least now the toes are finally facing forward.
Well, tomorrow morning I'll go looking for our luggage.
I hope it didn't sink.
Are you sure you heard a splash? I don't know if it was that or the avalanche.
I hope that beaver isn't hurt.
Well, what was a beaver doing out strolling in the middle of the night anyway? Why wasn't he in his darn dam guarding his sticks and his twigs? Do you know how yucky it is to step on a beaver's tail? I didn't know those little suckers could scream.
( imitating beaver screaming ) Well, he won't be sending any more little beaver messages with that tail for a while.
Mindy, you're not gonna have a nice weekend if you keep up with those negative thoughts.
Mork, I stepped on a beaver, I fell off a cliff and you landed on me, I sprained my ankle and my luggage is shooting the rapids on the way to Lake Mead.
And your scenic little three-mile hike was up the face of a cliff.
I knew we were in big trouble when that mountain goat tumbled by.
Boy, I didn't know they could scream either.
I'm cold and I can't walk anymore and I'm freezing to death.
But you're right.
You are right.
Why should I be negative? What else could possibly happen? Well, I could have lost the key.
( barking laugh ) Just open the door.
You lost the key? No, he never gave me one.
What! Mork, we'll freeze to death if we stay out here.
Kick the door in.
But it's my friend's Kick the door in.
But on Ork we Kick the door in.
But Kick.
( weak kick ) Mork It wasn't locked.
Oh, dopey me! MORK: Well, we better hit the sack now.
Tell you what, I'll flip you for the top bunk.
You can have it.
I don't think I could stand the climb.
Kay-o.
Looks like we'll be sleeping on Mr.
Floor tonight.
Oh, I wish there was some way back to the car.
We got lost during daylight.
Imagine what it'd be like at night.
And, besides, that beaver's out looking for us.
You're right.
I guess there's nothing we can do but just make the best of this.
Well, you gotta look at the good side, though.
At least have three walls and a roof over our heads.
Well, if it wasn't snowing, the stars would be awfully pretty.
Oh, isn't this fun? ( chuckles lightly ) I love eating out.
I don't know.
Somehow I just can't picture John Wayne sitting in front of a roaring campfire roasting Vienna sausage.
That's all Exidor had in the cabinet.
That and the mouse.
Mork, that wasn't a mouse.
It was a moldy, fuzzy gray avocado.
But it crawled.
I know.
Do you know that the only thing between us and death is this fire? We've gotta do something else to get warm.
Hey, wait a minute.
What about this little trunk? Mindy, both of us couldn't fit in there.
Although it might be fun to try.
( honking bark ) No, I mean, there might be some old blankets or clothes in there.
I know that.
Who do you think you're talking to, Morko the pinheaded boy? Wait, don't open it.
Do you think that avocado could have crawled in there? Wait! No, there's no trail of guacamole, we're safe.
What's this? Confessions of a Schizophrenic by Exidor as told to Exidor.
Here's something.
Wait.
Oh, wait.
Look, look his and hers prophet robes.
Well, at least they're made out of flannel.
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm pretty tired.
Time to hit the old sack.
No place to hang, so I guess I'll just have to rough it and sleep horizontal.
No, Mork, you don't understand.
If we fall asleep and the fire goes out, we'll freeze to death.
You mean stiff city? Oh, I suggest we stay awake.
We'll be as tight as two cubes in a tray.
( honking bark ) Well, what do you do to stay awake when you go camping? Well, we, we used to roast marshmallows and sing songs.
Sing songs, that's it.
Here we go, hit it.
( sings in Orkan to tune of "99 Bottles of Beer" ) Come on, Mindy.
Join in anytime.
( singing in Orkan ) Come on.
I don't know how to count backwards in Orkan.
Oh, bummer.
Here's one that's universal.
Kumbaya Well, what else can we do? Well, we used to tell ghost stories by the campfire.
Oh, that'd be fun.
Let's do it.
Come on, come on, come on, let's do it.
No, I'm not telling you a ghost story.
Come on, come on! No, you'll get scared.
I'm not telling you.
I won't get scared.
Besides, would you rather be a snow cone? Let's do it.
Okay.
Uh, there was this spooky old house sitting at, way at the top of a hill No! No! All right, go ahead.
Oh, Mindy.
Hmm? Wake up.
Wake up.
We fell asleep.
Look.
Oh, no.
We have to get it going again.
Here, stir the embers.
Oh, I'm so cold.
Cold.
Any matches? Ah, okay.
I can't find the matches.
Oh, no.
I, I can't find my pockets.
I can't feel my hands.
I can't Oh, I've got my gloves on.
Oh, let's see.
Ah, ah! I got 'em.
Oh, good.
Ha, ha, ha.
Oh, only one match left.
Oh, no.
But there's still six hours left until daylight.
If we don't get this fire going, we're not gonna make it.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
Okay.
Okay, read the instructions.
"Close cover before striking.
" Look, Mindy, you can finish high school in your spare time.
Mork.
Please ( cackles hysterically ) I saw that in a movie once.
Hey, I've got it.
You can start the fire with your finger.
That's a great idea.
Except it only works when it's above 60 degrees.
Come on, Mindy.
We've gotta keep moving.
Gotta keep the circulation going.
Stayin' alive, stayin' alive.
Mork, I can't.
Well, come on, girl.
You gotta take the bull by the tentacles.
Let's go.
Come on.
I can't, Mork.
I just, I can't.
Ah, you're right.
Who am I kidding? I can't walk either.
Mindy.
Ah, I'm sorry I got you into this.
Ever since you've met me, I've been getting you into trouble.
Oh, Mork, don't be silly.
I wouldn't trade a minute of the time we've spent together.
You know, I remember the first time I saw you.
You had your suit on backwards.
I remember the first emotion you taught me happiness.
I'm just sorry that the last emotion we're sharing is fear.
Yeah, I guess I am afraid.
It's nice to be sharing it, though.
I know.
Mork, why don't you try to make it down the mountain yourself? I mean, what have you got to lose? You.
You know, whenever people have the time, they never get around to saying the things they really want to say.
Now I really want you to know how I feel.
You don't have to.
I know how you feel.
And I know how you feel.
( car approaching ) You hear something? What? It sounds like a car.
Oh, Mork, you have to have a road to have a car.
( man singing ): Lady of Spain, I adore you What's that? It's the future emperor of the world.
And he just got my vote.
I told you to wait in the Jeep.
We can't just go barging in on them, after all, they've got a life.
Ah, Mork.
Have any trouble getting in? You have a Jeep? Yes.
About 30 yards away on a fire road.
I was packing to go out on tour and I remembered I hadn't given you a key to the cabin.
You mean we could have driven up here? Sure.
But you said you wanted to go for a hike.
How'd you like the scenic route? We don't make cliffs like that anymore.
Well, here's the key.
Have a nice weekend.
Exidor.
Mindy hurt her ankle.
Can you please give us a ride down the hill? Sure, if you don't mind the seven of us jammed into one tiny little Jeep.
Seven people sounds wonderfully warm.
But his kind of people don't have much warmth.
Zippo.
I'm sorry what happened to the cabin.
What's wrong with it? Well, let's go, boys.
Oh, sure is a beautiful night.
It sure is.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
Mork calling Orson.
Come in, Orson.
( beeps ) Mork calling Orson.
( low buzz ) Come in, Orson.
( low buzz ) Oh, "For a good time, dial Mary Jo.
" ORSON: What do you have to report this week, Mork? Oh, this week, Your Immenseness, I would like to discuss the silliness of Earth language.
Believe it or not, Your Acreage, here words can mean more than one thing.
That's illogical.
Ha, I know, sir.
Take, for example, the word "run.
" Run can mean this rivers running people run down and men can run stores.
Miss Filmon, a sale in lingerie.
Also, the female of the species can get a run in her stockings.
( female voice ): Oh, no.
It all sounds very confusing.
I know, sir, but they still manage to communicate.
For example, the word "buck.
" They know when to pass it and when to spend it.
How do Earth people understand each other? Many times they don't.
Sometimes humans find it very difficult to tell each other how they feel about one another until it's too late.
Pity.
I know, sir.
They have a strange custom here.
I believe people should receive flowers while they're still alive, not after they're gone.
For example, sir, I never told you that I like you and I do.
Orson Thanks.
Nanu.
How'd you know I had the munchies?