Outsourced (2010) s01e17 Episode Script

Hey, Dempsey! Charlie? What's what's going on, man? It's a holiday called "Holi.
" Holi? Yeah, some demon king wanted his son to take over the demon family business.
I don't know.
Bottom line is it's a big celebration.
Everybody pelts each other with color so we all look the same in a big show of brotherhood.
Take that, brother! Yeah, brotherhood.
Charlie, he's going right for her.
I'm on it.
Thank you, thank you.
Hey, I mean, you gotta be careful with these guys.
Sometimes they just, you know Yeah, I thought those were a little perky for a woman your age.
You better run.
Run! Okay, thank you very much, please.
Goodbye.
Am I having some kind of allergic reaction to this paint, or is it really hot in here? No, it's hot.
The air conditioning died.
Gupta, that is disgusting.
What? People can still drink them.
I'm putting them between my undershirt and my overshirt.
Oh.
Uh-oh.
I wouldn't drink that one if I were you.
That's a me soda.
Well, how is it you're not sweating? Sweat is essentially urine of the pores.
I choose to hold it in.
Sir, if you are not too lethargic on the heat, you might remember I told you I'm leaving early tonight to surprise Vimi with her favorite flowers, and then we are going to a restaurant so fancy the waiters don't have second jobs.
And then when the band plays our favorite song you're gonna get on your knees and propose! - Who told you? - Mm-mm.
Rajiv, that's pretty much a textbook proposal, man.
No.
The flowers, the band, down on one knee That's vintage rajiv.
Look, if you wanna surprise her, it should be personal, from the heart.
Todd, the computers are frozen.
There was an hourglass, but now there's a frowny face.
Is a frowny face worse than an hourglass? Who knows.
But there's no logic, man.
It's like your game "rock, paper, scissors," where paper miraculously defeats rock.
No, Manmeet, paper covers rock.
It's like a You know what, I'm not having this conversation again.
I'm gonna have to call tech support.
Okay.
I mean, if you had a choice between paper or rocks, who ever heard of an angry mob wielding paper? Unless the paper was on fire.
Yeah, even then, just hit them with rocks.
The sun is going down.
We take a walk on the beach, I pretend to notice a bottle washed ashore.
And the note inside says, "will you marry me?" - We meet for champagne - The ring is in the glass.
I buy her her favorite chocolates with the ring inside.
Dammit.
Thank you for calling technical support.
How may I help you today? Ugh, finally.
Yeah, our computers froze.
No problem, sir.
We can take care of that.
Now, my name is Cameron.
May I ask who I'm speaking with today? - Todd.
- Todd.
Okay.
So, we're gonna try what's called a hard reset.
Now, you wanna hold down "control" uh, Cameron, where are you guys located? Uh, we are in huntsville, Alabama.
Really? So, I'm not calling India.
Nope, we're in huntsville, right down the road from NASA flight center.
Tell you what, there goes a rocket right now.
I'm Todd.
So, what do you got? Hourglass or frowny face? Thank you for making a house call.
Well, it will be easier than holding your hand as you stumble through it on the phone.
Gupta, what are you doing? Oh, I'm making half-pants.
- That's very creative.
- Thank you.
Are you sure it's safe for him to have scissors? Hey, don't make fun of gupta.
We make fun of gupta.
There, you're all set.
Wait, wait, what was wrong with my computer? In case it happens again.
Let's just say that the little elves that live inside your computer got so tired and had to lay down.
Do you talk to all your customers like that? No, just you guys.
Come on, let's get back up to the air conditioning now.
Wait a second.
Wait, you guys have air conditioning? We're on the same system.
How come ours doesn't work? I don't know.
It's, uh, as if someone realized that we're the ones doing the important work.
All right, we do important work, okay? And I don't need this kind of attitude coming in here when all I want is just Is he doing something behind me? Sweat sleeves! You sweat, and then you wipe! I have to be honest.
We heard about this guy before we came in here, and he's delivered.
Thank you.
You hear that? People are talking.
Man, it's so nice and cool in here.
Hi.
Uh, we need to see the manager.
- Oh, wow.
- Oh, my God.
It's like the apple store.
Well, minus the ethnic diversity.
Oh, look at the mints! It's not the crappy red-and-white ones.
Todd, they're green and chocolatey.
Seema, Seema, Seema, you're breaking my balls.
You're getting a good deal here.
Now, sign the bloody contract.
Gentlemen, welcome to Globocon.
How can I help you? Uh, hi.
Yeah, I'm Todd dempsey.
I'm the manager down at mid America novelties.
This is my employee Manmeet.
- Hello.
- Sanjeev Patel.
Pleasure.
Uh, I have a complaint about your employee.
- Chai? - No, thank you.
I'll take his.
This guy right here, he fixed my computer, but he had a lot of attitude.
Cameron.
Apologize.
- I'm sorry.
- There you go.
Wait, but he just rolled his eyes at me.
Yeah, that's a sign of respect in our culture.
Now that we're through here - Uh, well - Done.
Actually actually the main reason I'm here is the air conditioning.
Now, we're on the same system, and you guys are taking all the cold air.
Uh, but if you turn up your thermostat just a little bit, we could share the air until the heat wave's over.
Sounds fair, right? It does, but I'm not gonna do it.
Uh-huh.
Okay, yeah.
'Cause you think your work is more important than ours? - It's Tommy, right? - Todd.
Oh, because you look like a Tommy.
Here's the deal.
Multibillion-dollar corporations call us for help.
Hospitals call us when their systems go down.
We save lives.
What do you do? We sell novelties, which means we bring smiles to the world.
And when a teacher sits on a whoopee cushion and a kid laughs, we're there.
When grandma screams because there's a fly in her ice cube, we're there.
And when a condom glows in the dark as a man and woman make love, we're there.
Well, we're not there.
That would be a bit creepy.
So, where did we fall on this whole, uh, air conditioning thing? - Not gonna happen.
- All right.
Well, we will see about that, dick.
Oh, I'm sorry, it was dick, right? - Sanjeev.
- Oh, really? You look like a dick.
Hmm, that's very mature of you.
Well, at least I don't walk around with my fly wide open.
- Hmm? - Mm He made you look.
You can't top that.
- Ha.
- What? Now, I'll just override the system, reroute some of that cool air into your ducts.
How do you know about all this stuff? Oh, my dad was a master electrician.
I thought he worked for the telephone company.
My mom went through boyfriends pretty fast.
It was easier if I called 'em all "dad.
" Oh.
Oh! Your mom ever date a locksmith? Yeah, but he went back to prison before he could teach me anything.
That was one lock he couldn't pick.
- Hey, guys.
- Shh! - I got the kit.
- Thanks, man.
What's that? It's an amateur gynecologist kit.
It comes with a head lamp, rubber gloves, and a map.
"G" marks the spot.
Isn't treasure usually marked with an "x"? "X" is for a treasure that actually exists.
Now, pay attention.
All right, this duct is the junction for your call center and Globocon.
If you jam this vent open, you'll get all the air, and they'll get nothing.
What? We need you to go into the ducts.
Why do I have to do it? Well, you got the courage and the bravery it's 'cause you're built like a straw.
Go! So, did you decide how you're going to propose to Vimi? I did.
She will be most surprised.
Really? Is that a box inside a box inside another box, and inside the last little box is a ring? Oh, no.
If you figured it out, Vimi will get it in a heartbeat.
She's coming this afternoon.
I'm running out of time.
So, just propose another day.
Holi is her favorite holiday.
We made all these plans.
If I cancel on her now, she'll be crushed.
And she won't see the proposal coming.
Thank you, Asha.
Okay.
Anytime.
And it just got weird.
All right, now, you should be able to take a right.
I'm not taking a right, Todd.
It's the fastest way.
Something in that vent is looking right back at me.
Rajiv, hi! Are you ready? No, tonight is off.
Why, is everything okay? Just not feeling it.
But you said you had a whole night planned for us.
You know how much Holi means to me.
I do, but I think I would rather work.
You'd rather work than be with me? Vimi, Vimi, Vimi.
They're both work.
One just puts money in my hand, and one takes it away.
I don't think I want to see you tonight Or anytime in the near future.
What did you do? Now she will never see my proposal coming.
Picture this Vimi is getting dressed when she hears a sitar and singer performing the song we heard on our first date right outside her window.
She glances out to see me in my finest suit, riding up to her door on a majestic white horse.
Aw.
It will be a moment she will never forget.
Now, that is a proposal.
You just never give up, do you? All right, you're almost there.
You should see a vent on your left, and then you're gonna come up to a six-inch drop-off.
Sorry, a six-foot drop-off.
Okay, you should be right by an air deflector.
Yeah, I see it.
Now, wedge it open so we get all the cold air.
Yeah! Yeah! Suck it, Globocon, suck it! Oh, yeah! I underestimated you, Tommy.
Nice move with the a/c.
Ah, who's sweating through their underwear now? Look, I'm gonna cut to the chase.
If you agree to share the a/c, I'll have Cameron double your Internet speed right now.
Sure.
You got yourself a deal.
Oh, and one more thing you have to admit that every single one of my employees is just as good as yours.
I would admit that, except my workers have incredible skills.
Cameron here can bring down an entire computer network in 20 seconds.
- All done.
- Oh, 18 seconds.
Why does my screen have a picture of a bomb with a burning fuse on it? - It's on mine too.
- This is my favorite part.
Go "elf" yourself.
I'm sorry, but that's fantastic.
Hey! This isn't over.
Oh, no, Todd, it isn't.
I can see daylight.
- What took you so long? - Oh, I just met some rats.
We had some great wine, cheese, time just got away.
I was lost in the vents! What do you think, Todd?! You know, I'm sorry.
We've been dealing with these computers, okay? They put some kind of virus here, and now they're all frozen.
Okay, so, what are we going to do? Just give up.
I come from a long line of surrenderers.
When the going gets tough, the Guptas have been gone for hours.
- No.
- Yes, gone.
Fft.
If we blink on the computers before they blink on the a/c, they'll own us.
What you need is some intel.
You need to know their next move before they make it.
Actually, it'd be better if you know their next move before they do, or even better, if you enter their dreams and give them the idea.
You know, like in the movie Insertion.
You mean Inception? No, the DVD I bought on the street was called Insertion.
It was filthy, but the plot was much easier to follow.
I got a better idea.
I'll send a spy into their office to see how close they are to breaking.
Madhuri would be perfect.
- Why madhuri? - She blends right in.
No one ever notices her.
Madhuri! I'm right here.
This is too hot, sanjeev.
I mean, this is ridiculous.
You can handle it.
Mind over matter.
But it's like an oven in here, yeah? Focus.
Today's too important.
And Rishi has a gambling problem, and Prakash adds scotch to his chai, and Gopal is cheating on his wife, the pig! Gopal is the pig, not his wife.
Although, judging from the picture, she does stretch a sari to its limits.
Is there any sign of them giving in? No.
Their only concern is this important client that's coming tonight.
They need to make a good impression so that they can land this account.
That's it.
That's how we get them.
Guys, the Globocon people think we're a bunch of idiots.
I'm tired of being treated like that.
- How about you? - Yeah.
You ready to do something about it? - Yeah.
- You ready to get some revenge? Ah, 'cause I have a plan.
Let's do this! Wait! No, pinky, I haven't I haven't said what the plan is yet.
Oh.
We'll just wait until she gets back.
I certainly hope no one hits me with color.
- Yeah! - You have gotten your jollies.
Now be gone, urchins, or I'll bake you into a pie! Precisely why I waited to change into my nice suit.
This isn't my first Holi.
So, got the air back on, huh? Yes.
Look, this whole thing got a little out of hand, all right, and I know you got a big client coming in, and you're a little uptight, but there's an easy compromise.
So, I'm gonna give you one more chance to do the right thing.
I have the air conditioning and working computers.
I don't need to do anything.
Now, why don't you go down to your sauna? When I feel like it, I'll turn your computers back on and you can resume selling your jars of farts.
Well, if that's the way it is Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, just just one more thing.
Are any of your employees pregnant or have a heart condition? No.
Let's do this! Yes! Hey, sanjeev.
I think your clients are here.
What is the plan? Where were you? I took the stairs.
Mr.
Gidwani? Finally! Where is the singer? Well, colored powder got in her throat, and her vocal chords got paralyzed.
She may never sing again.
Why does everything happen to me? Wait, where where is the horse? Judging by what you're stepping in, I believe it was here at one point.
No! Stop! You already got me! I'm the same man! Whoa, stop it! Stop! Rajiv? What are you doing? Why are you in your underpants? Oh, I was just in the neighborhood.
Don't you have bedtimes or pockets to pick? What's going on? I I wanted to surprise you.
I am supposed to be in my suit and on a white horse.
Please, pretend this night never happened, and I will surprise you some other time.
You deserve a special proposal.
Rajiv, you're half-naked, covered in colored powder, standing in my front yard.
This will be a great story for our kids.
Kids? Is that a "yes"? "Yes, yes" to what? You haven't asked me anything yet.
Yes, I will marry you.
What are you doing up here? I was I was trying to get out, and I I got lost.
What are you doing up here? Well, I heard a noise, and I came up to see what it was.
- Oh.
- You are so cute.
Oh.