Rita Rocks (2008) s01e17 Episode Script
Get Off Of My Cloud
Honey, you want to clean your room before dinner? More than anything, but I'd hate to see my studies suffer.
You're reading about Nicole Kidman's hair throughout the years.
That's history.
Okay, and here's a little bit of math.
You plus not cleaning your room equals you not going out this weekend.
Squared.
Fine.
Hey.
Pork chops-- nuh-uh.
You worked all day and made my favorite meal? Yes, well, I had to release the staff early so they could get the the country house ready for the weekend.
Well, I tell you what.
Tomorrow night, no cooking, because you and I are going to dinner with Bill Bowman.
Bill Bo the Bill Bowman? Who is that? He's the Storage King of Detroit.
He's got more cubic feet of storage than all three competitors combined.
Well, does His Highness have space enough to contain my excitement? He may even have enough space to contain your sarcasm.
Honey, if I land this Bowman account, we could redo the kitchen.
Whoa.
All hail the king.
Here's the thing: it's not a done deal yet.
It's between us and those cutthroat bastards over at Happy Valley Insurance.
So, listen, do me a favor.
No royalty jokes when we're at dinner.
I don't want Mr.
Bowman to think we're making fun of him.
Yes, my liege.
So, you guys are going out to dinner tomorrow night? I guess that means Hallie will be "babysitting" me.
Yes, honey, Hallie always baby-sits.
You mean, talks on the phone while I make dinner, do my homework, and put myself to bed? Then, yeah, she most definitely "baby-sits.
" She, uh, just learned the air quotes thing.
It's gonna be around for a while.
Well, hopefully not as long as when she ended every sentence with, "'Cause that's how I roll.
" You know, I should be the one babysitting her.
Well, let's just pretend you are.
Could you pay me? Let's just pretend I do.
But I'll tell you what, if you can get Hallie to clean the kitchen, I'll throw you a 20.
It's a bet.
And I'm gonna need some candy, too.
Because "that's how I roll.
" RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC (Jay laughing) And he he was looking at the graph upside down.
(laughing) Now, our insurance packages for property cover Jay, put that thing away.
The Storage King has come to drink and feast.
Uh, so, Mr.
Bowman, how did you become the Storage King? Were you next in line to succeed, or did you have to usurp the throne? Jay, how did you manage to wrangle this little spitfire into a dull dinner anyway? You know, my wife-- she scheduled a root canal.
I mean, she needed it, but I think she was also trying to make a point.
(Bowman and Rita laughing) No, no but no, I I enjoy talking about Jay's work, you know, with all the numbers and then the percentages of those numbers.
Exciting stuff.
And, you know, speaking of percentages What did he promise you if he got the account? Oh, please.
I love dining with royalty.
A new kitchen.
And maybe an electric guitar for the band.
I'm willing to forgo the double oven for it.
You have a band? I mean, a rock band? Yeah, yeah, actually, we just finished a world tour.
Oh, no, wait.
That's Coldplay.
We play out of my garage.
Hey, I started my business in a garage.
And, you know, God knows you wouldn't want to go back, which is why insuring your I was in a band all through high school.
I love music.
You know all the radio spots? I wrote them.
Shut up.
Yeah.
With an extra ten cubic feet You ain't gonna beat Billy the Storage King.
Wow, I am impressed.
I feel like I should kiss your ring.
No, no, that's the Storage Pope.
Man, the ego on that guy.
(Bill and Rita laughing) I bet he got a stiff upper lip, huh? Oh, my God, we've been robbed.
Of all of our dirt and clutter.
Done.
This Pledge multi-surface cleaner is awesome.
I cleaned the counter, the computer, the windows.
And really fast.
You totaled my car, didn't you? No, I just got into a groove.
And now everything smells like Rainshower.
Go ahead.
Smell the floor.
Why don't we just smell your breath? I can't believe I organized the fridge for you ingrates.
And who leaves half a pickle floating in a jar? Oh, my God, she alphabetized the cheeses.
I'll take my $20 now.
What are you talking about? You said, if I got Hallie to clean up, you would "throw me a 20.
" Honey, I was kidding.
I'm not gonna pay you.
Oh, so you're not gonna do what you said? Nice example for your kid.
All right.
All right, all right, fine.
Here, but first tell me your secret.
Let's just say I know how to motivate people.
'Cause "that's how I roll.
" Jay, do you You didn't say two words in the car.
You want to give me an ETA on when the silent treatment's gonna be over.
Um hmm-mm.
I was supposed to be the one to dazzle Bill Bowman, and then you swooped in, and you took over.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
When you invite someone charming to dinner, you got to expect some charm.
(cell phone ringing) It's Bill Bowman.
Jay Clemens.
Hello, Mr.
Bowman.
Yeah yes, it was fun, yeah.
(laughing) He wants to talk to you.
Uh, hi, it's Rita.
Yes, hi, Mr.
Bowman, I Oh, okay, Bill.
Oh.
Yeah, we we would love to.
That yeah, that sounds great.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Bye.
(sighs) Night.
Honey! Come on.
Come on.
What did he want? Well, he maybe, possibly wanted my band to play at-- I don't know-- this big company dinner.
The annual banquet? Wait, that that's huge.
I know, it's the band's first legitimate gig! Not for you, for me.
Honey, if your band scores, I can close this deal.
And then, Mr.
Bowman, he could recommend me to his friends.
I mean, think about it: two more clients per quarter bumped up six percent on a coverage plan Shh.
Come upstairs, and I'll bump you up six percent.
Wow, our first paying gig.
As of today, I am a professional musician.
I can't wait to trash my first hotel room.
It's only one gig.
Don't quit your day hobby.
No, no, I'm with Owen.
I say we live the dream until reality crushes it.
(buzzing) That was quick.
We should totally come up with some sort of look, something cool.
Like, uh well, like what I'm wearing.
Yeah, I don't think they sell skinny jeans in my size.
And if they do, I bet they don't do it with a straight face.
Hey.
Hey, honey, what are you doing home from work so early? I wanted to see what kind of set you guys were putting together for the banquet.
Oh, I'm sorry, but we have a strict closed-door policy at all of our rehearsals.
We don't want our set listgetting out to the press and Oh, wait.
That's Coldplay again.
Pull up a chair.
So, uh, what do you guys got? Well, I've been thinking about this.
I think we should do our greatest hits.
Otherwise known as the eight songs we know.
That's a great, great jumping-off point, but I have some different thoughts.
Different thoughts? Now, let's hear them.
Jay is plugged into that corporate world more than any of us.
In the business world, it's all about knowing your client, right? So, I did some digging around, and it turns out that Bill Bowman loves himself some old-school soul.
Ooh, I can do old-school soul.
Like, uh, "Respect" or any Aretha song, right? Oh, that's good, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe hold onto that for later.
I was thinking something a little more specific to the client.
I mean, after all, he is the Storage King of Detroit.
And what do people store? Storageables.
That's good.
That's good, but no.
Stuff big stuff.
So, how about the song, "Mr.
Big Stuff"? It's clever, huh? Well, well, it's a lit it's a little on the nose, but, you know, only has a few chords, so I guess I'm in.
All right, great, great.
I'm gonna go inside.
I'm gonna change.
And then, when I come back, we'll talk about presentation, maybe kick around some dance steps.
Fog machine-- think about it.
Flair is what I'm looking for.
Let's make one thing very, very clear.
There will be no dancing.
The last time Owen tried to bust a move, he busted my toe.
All right, hold on, hold on, listen.
Give Jay a break.
Everyone's entitled to one bad idea.
Hey, guys, really quick question.
Does anyone know the choreography to "Thriller"? Mr.
Big Stuff Who do you think you are? Mr.
Big Stuff You're never gonna get my love Mr.
Big Stuff Mr.
Big Stuff (stops singing abruptly) Okay, great jumping-off point.
Few small things.
Kip, stop shaking your hair around so much.
Might as well tell the sun not to shine so much.
Owen, lose the shirt.
It reads "desperate.
" You say "desperate.
" I say "enthusiastic.
" Hmm.
Patty? Um You know what? Tone down the vocal gymnastics.
Nobody likes a showoff.
Oh! Oh.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
My coworker was crying about her divorce, and I had to pretend to care.
What are you doing here? Huh? I was just overseeing rehearsal.
Overseeing? Yeah, and you know what? You came just in time.
I was about to show the band the new lyrics I wrote.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, he ain't trying to get me something to sing.
Hey, hey, I think I think we should personalize the songs.
You know? So So, take a look at these lyrics I wrote.
And I don't want to brag, but I think they are pretty clever.
All right.
Let's try this.
You ready? Mr.
Big Stuff "You are the Storage Czar.
" Mr.
Big Stuff "Your units even hold my car?" Mr.
Big Stuff "Your price per square foot is incredibly reasonable.
" Hey, we didn't know you were going to be changing the lyrics.
Honey, that's what they do at these things.
I mean, trust me.
I know I know the corporate mindset.
They also love inside jokes.
Wait, wait.
You want me to tell jokes? Yeah, just a few, and, uh, here's some gold I dug up.
At the At the last dinner, Bob Kleinman in HR-- he, uh he had too much to drink, and he-he scraped his Buick coming out of the parking lot, so you should make fun of that.
Oh.
Well, that's great.
Maybe he's got a dying mother I can poke fun at, too.
Honey, I just got used to singing in front of people.
I don't think I'm going to be doing stand-up.
Wait.
Honey, my account depends on this.
You have to.
I have to? Honey, I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.
Back the hell off.
If that's her putting it nicely, we need to get out of here.
I do a mean Regis Philbin impersonation.
Should I bring it up? Not now.
I'd like to hear it.
I can't believe that you would try to undermine me in front of our band.
What?! Oh, no.
No, no, it's not our band, honey.
You know, it's-it's our band.
And I don't appreciate you coming in here and taking over.
Okay, music is my thing.
And a little trust would go a long way.
Oh, you know what? Right back at you.
I think I know the corporate mindset a little better than you do.
Perhaps, perhaps, but you don't know my mindset.
'Cause if you did, you'd stop saying "corporate mindset.
" You know what, honey? If I didn't take you to dinner, you wouldn't even have this gig.
You should be thanking me.
(laughs) Okay, if I weren't so charming at dinner, you wouldn't have a shot at this account, so you should be thanking me.
Hmm.
Okay, well, you know what? Since you're being so petty, you're welcome.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're welcome! No, no, no.
It's my pleasure.
No, no, it's my pleasure! And it's my band, and it's my gig.
And I'm gonna do it my way, which means, no cheesy lyrics, no stand-up, and definitely no fog machine.
You lack vision! Okay, this is ridiculous.
I have to go set up for my gig.
Okay.
Well, I will see you at your gig that you never would have gotten without me.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
You're welcome! All right, all right, what is going on here? What? You've never seen me do laundry before? No.
No one has.
Okay, all right, you tell me your angle, or you will be severely punished for all your helpfulness.
Fine.
Shannon's been betting me.
As in, "Betcha ten bucks you can't scour the kitchen before Mom gets home.
" Or "Betcha ten bucks you can't do three loads of laundry tonight.
" What a chump, right? Someone is, yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Shannon's been betting me that she can get you to do chores.
She hit me up for 20 bucks twice this week.
And she's only been giving me half? That little monkey ripped me off! What could she possibly use all that money for? (imitating Elvis): Well, thank Well, thank you very much.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I'm so psyched for this gig! Hey, what do you say when we're done, we trash our dressing room? Yeah, I don't think they'd appreciate us wrecking the supply closet.
Hey.
Man! I thought these storage people would be a bunch of trolls, but they're not bad-looking.
For some reason, I pictured them living in their storage units, but I guess that was just prejudice on my part.
Yeah.
What is wrong with you? Oh, I'm sorry.
I mean, I know this is a really big deal for us.
I just I can't enjoy it.
Oh, 'cause you're fighting with Jay? Yeah.
Whenever we're mad at each other, it just sucks the fun out of everything.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
But that's what you get for having a good marriage.
In a crappy one, you're happy when you're fighting, because then you don't have to talk to him.
Buddy, buddy, good to see you.
Listen.
Just came from the kitchen.
Word to the wise.
The fish looks iffy.
Well, um (clears throat) I don't I don't think that the people come here for the fish, Mr.
Bowman.
I think they come for you.
(both laughing) All right, you can take your lips off my keister.
Got it.
Anyone who is as excited about insurance as you, I want on my team.
Really? You're giv You're giving me the account?! You seem surprised? Well, no, no, no.
I just You don't think the account depended on your wife's performance, do you? (laughs) No, no.
That-That I didn't even think the two were-were related.
That's crazy.
(both laughing) Oh, my God.
Hey.
Hey.
So, I guess you can start planning your new kitchen.
What? I got the account.
That's great! Isn't it? Yeah.
I just You know, I thought I'd be happier, but I can't really enjoy it if we're still fighting.
I'm getting a new kitchen.
Fight's over.
Look, honey, I-I know I know I've been bossy, you know, but I guess I was just a little overeager to be a part of something creative.
You know? I mean, I love my job.
I know it's not the most exciting one in the world, but Who says it's not? You do.
All the time.
(sighs) So, I apologize if I went a little crazy.
It was just I take crap from my boss all day at work, then I come and deal with the kids.
You know, the band is really the only place where I get to call the shots.
I mean, they don't make a move without me.
Hey, the guys and I decided to drop the third song, and we're only doing one encore.
Owen is very, very hungry.
Okay.
But they had to run it by me first, so Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make fun of your job.
And it's not like I don't appreciate all the hard work.
I mean, I really do.
No, and I appreciate you, too.
You know, I mean, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even have the account.
Well, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have this gig, so thank you.
No.
Thank you.
Let's not go there again.
All right.
They want us in place.
They're ready to start.
Okay.
All right.
Good luck.
Listen.
(squeals) Listen.
Don't worry about my jokes or my lyrics.
Okay.
Tonight, you call the shots.
Okay.
BILL: Well, without further ado, I would Hey.
Let's give a warm welcome to tonight's entertainment.
And, my gosh, I guess I should have learned the band's name before I came up here.
But what the heck.
I own the company, so applaud.
(cheering and applause) Uh, first up, a quick announcement: they're out of chicken.
(people groaning) Uh Yeah.
No.
I know it's a-a bummer, but, you know, are you surprised? I mean, it was it was cooked in a white wine sauce, and Bob Kleinman's here, so (laughter) Yeah.
Whoever's, uh, parked next to Bob's Buick, this might be a good time to move your car.
(applause) Okay, okay.
Uh, to start, we're gonna we're gonna kick it off with a little old-school soul.
Let's hit it.
(applause, band plays intro to "Mr.
Big Stuff") Mr.
Big Stuff You are the storage czar Mr.
Big Stuff Your units even hold my car Mr.
Big Stuff PATTY & RITA: I got to store all my stuff somewhere KIP & OWEN: Oh, yeah RITA & PATTY: For a price that can not be compared At 40 locations throughout the city And most of the tri-county area BOTH: Oh, yeah They're really good.
The only thing missing is the fog machine.
That's what I said! Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Mr.
Big Stuff Whoa, yeah Mr.
Big Stuff Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh, yeah Mr.
Big Stuff.
Hey.
(cheering, applause, and whistling) Captioned by Media
You're reading about Nicole Kidman's hair throughout the years.
That's history.
Okay, and here's a little bit of math.
You plus not cleaning your room equals you not going out this weekend.
Squared.
Fine.
Hey.
Pork chops-- nuh-uh.
You worked all day and made my favorite meal? Yes, well, I had to release the staff early so they could get the the country house ready for the weekend.
Well, I tell you what.
Tomorrow night, no cooking, because you and I are going to dinner with Bill Bowman.
Bill Bo the Bill Bowman? Who is that? He's the Storage King of Detroit.
He's got more cubic feet of storage than all three competitors combined.
Well, does His Highness have space enough to contain my excitement? He may even have enough space to contain your sarcasm.
Honey, if I land this Bowman account, we could redo the kitchen.
Whoa.
All hail the king.
Here's the thing: it's not a done deal yet.
It's between us and those cutthroat bastards over at Happy Valley Insurance.
So, listen, do me a favor.
No royalty jokes when we're at dinner.
I don't want Mr.
Bowman to think we're making fun of him.
Yes, my liege.
So, you guys are going out to dinner tomorrow night? I guess that means Hallie will be "babysitting" me.
Yes, honey, Hallie always baby-sits.
You mean, talks on the phone while I make dinner, do my homework, and put myself to bed? Then, yeah, she most definitely "baby-sits.
" She, uh, just learned the air quotes thing.
It's gonna be around for a while.
Well, hopefully not as long as when she ended every sentence with, "'Cause that's how I roll.
" You know, I should be the one babysitting her.
Well, let's just pretend you are.
Could you pay me? Let's just pretend I do.
But I'll tell you what, if you can get Hallie to clean the kitchen, I'll throw you a 20.
It's a bet.
And I'm gonna need some candy, too.
Because "that's how I roll.
" RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC (Jay laughing) And he he was looking at the graph upside down.
(laughing) Now, our insurance packages for property cover Jay, put that thing away.
The Storage King has come to drink and feast.
Uh, so, Mr.
Bowman, how did you become the Storage King? Were you next in line to succeed, or did you have to usurp the throne? Jay, how did you manage to wrangle this little spitfire into a dull dinner anyway? You know, my wife-- she scheduled a root canal.
I mean, she needed it, but I think she was also trying to make a point.
(Bowman and Rita laughing) No, no but no, I I enjoy talking about Jay's work, you know, with all the numbers and then the percentages of those numbers.
Exciting stuff.
And, you know, speaking of percentages What did he promise you if he got the account? Oh, please.
I love dining with royalty.
A new kitchen.
And maybe an electric guitar for the band.
I'm willing to forgo the double oven for it.
You have a band? I mean, a rock band? Yeah, yeah, actually, we just finished a world tour.
Oh, no, wait.
That's Coldplay.
We play out of my garage.
Hey, I started my business in a garage.
And, you know, God knows you wouldn't want to go back, which is why insuring your I was in a band all through high school.
I love music.
You know all the radio spots? I wrote them.
Shut up.
Yeah.
With an extra ten cubic feet You ain't gonna beat Billy the Storage King.
Wow, I am impressed.
I feel like I should kiss your ring.
No, no, that's the Storage Pope.
Man, the ego on that guy.
(Bill and Rita laughing) I bet he got a stiff upper lip, huh? Oh, my God, we've been robbed.
Of all of our dirt and clutter.
Done.
This Pledge multi-surface cleaner is awesome.
I cleaned the counter, the computer, the windows.
And really fast.
You totaled my car, didn't you? No, I just got into a groove.
And now everything smells like Rainshower.
Go ahead.
Smell the floor.
Why don't we just smell your breath? I can't believe I organized the fridge for you ingrates.
And who leaves half a pickle floating in a jar? Oh, my God, she alphabetized the cheeses.
I'll take my $20 now.
What are you talking about? You said, if I got Hallie to clean up, you would "throw me a 20.
" Honey, I was kidding.
I'm not gonna pay you.
Oh, so you're not gonna do what you said? Nice example for your kid.
All right.
All right, all right, fine.
Here, but first tell me your secret.
Let's just say I know how to motivate people.
'Cause "that's how I roll.
" Jay, do you You didn't say two words in the car.
You want to give me an ETA on when the silent treatment's gonna be over.
Um hmm-mm.
I was supposed to be the one to dazzle Bill Bowman, and then you swooped in, and you took over.
Well, honey, I'm sorry.
When you invite someone charming to dinner, you got to expect some charm.
(cell phone ringing) It's Bill Bowman.
Jay Clemens.
Hello, Mr.
Bowman.
Yeah yes, it was fun, yeah.
(laughing) He wants to talk to you.
Uh, hi, it's Rita.
Yes, hi, Mr.
Bowman, I Oh, okay, Bill.
Oh.
Yeah, we we would love to.
That yeah, that sounds great.
Thank you so much.
Okay.
Bye.
(sighs) Night.
Honey! Come on.
Come on.
What did he want? Well, he maybe, possibly wanted my band to play at-- I don't know-- this big company dinner.
The annual banquet? Wait, that that's huge.
I know, it's the band's first legitimate gig! Not for you, for me.
Honey, if your band scores, I can close this deal.
And then, Mr.
Bowman, he could recommend me to his friends.
I mean, think about it: two more clients per quarter bumped up six percent on a coverage plan Shh.
Come upstairs, and I'll bump you up six percent.
Wow, our first paying gig.
As of today, I am a professional musician.
I can't wait to trash my first hotel room.
It's only one gig.
Don't quit your day hobby.
No, no, I'm with Owen.
I say we live the dream until reality crushes it.
(buzzing) That was quick.
We should totally come up with some sort of look, something cool.
Like, uh well, like what I'm wearing.
Yeah, I don't think they sell skinny jeans in my size.
And if they do, I bet they don't do it with a straight face.
Hey.
Hey, honey, what are you doing home from work so early? I wanted to see what kind of set you guys were putting together for the banquet.
Oh, I'm sorry, but we have a strict closed-door policy at all of our rehearsals.
We don't want our set listgetting out to the press and Oh, wait.
That's Coldplay again.
Pull up a chair.
So, uh, what do you guys got? Well, I've been thinking about this.
I think we should do our greatest hits.
Otherwise known as the eight songs we know.
That's a great, great jumping-off point, but I have some different thoughts.
Different thoughts? Now, let's hear them.
Jay is plugged into that corporate world more than any of us.
In the business world, it's all about knowing your client, right? So, I did some digging around, and it turns out that Bill Bowman loves himself some old-school soul.
Ooh, I can do old-school soul.
Like, uh, "Respect" or any Aretha song, right? Oh, that's good, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maybe hold onto that for later.
I was thinking something a little more specific to the client.
I mean, after all, he is the Storage King of Detroit.
And what do people store? Storageables.
That's good.
That's good, but no.
Stuff big stuff.
So, how about the song, "Mr.
Big Stuff"? It's clever, huh? Well, well, it's a lit it's a little on the nose, but, you know, only has a few chords, so I guess I'm in.
All right, great, great.
I'm gonna go inside.
I'm gonna change.
And then, when I come back, we'll talk about presentation, maybe kick around some dance steps.
Fog machine-- think about it.
Flair is what I'm looking for.
Let's make one thing very, very clear.
There will be no dancing.
The last time Owen tried to bust a move, he busted my toe.
All right, hold on, hold on, listen.
Give Jay a break.
Everyone's entitled to one bad idea.
Hey, guys, really quick question.
Does anyone know the choreography to "Thriller"? Mr.
Big Stuff Who do you think you are? Mr.
Big Stuff You're never gonna get my love Mr.
Big Stuff Mr.
Big Stuff (stops singing abruptly) Okay, great jumping-off point.
Few small things.
Kip, stop shaking your hair around so much.
Might as well tell the sun not to shine so much.
Owen, lose the shirt.
It reads "desperate.
" You say "desperate.
" I say "enthusiastic.
" Hmm.
Patty? Um You know what? Tone down the vocal gymnastics.
Nobody likes a showoff.
Oh! Oh.
Hey, guys, sorry I'm late.
My coworker was crying about her divorce, and I had to pretend to care.
What are you doing here? Huh? I was just overseeing rehearsal.
Overseeing? Yeah, and you know what? You came just in time.
I was about to show the band the new lyrics I wrote.
Uh-oh.
Oh, no, he ain't trying to get me something to sing.
Hey, hey, I think I think we should personalize the songs.
You know? So So, take a look at these lyrics I wrote.
And I don't want to brag, but I think they are pretty clever.
All right.
Let's try this.
You ready? Mr.
Big Stuff "You are the Storage Czar.
" Mr.
Big Stuff "Your units even hold my car?" Mr.
Big Stuff "Your price per square foot is incredibly reasonable.
" Hey, we didn't know you were going to be changing the lyrics.
Honey, that's what they do at these things.
I mean, trust me.
I know I know the corporate mindset.
They also love inside jokes.
Wait, wait.
You want me to tell jokes? Yeah, just a few, and, uh, here's some gold I dug up.
At the At the last dinner, Bob Kleinman in HR-- he, uh he had too much to drink, and he-he scraped his Buick coming out of the parking lot, so you should make fun of that.
Oh.
Well, that's great.
Maybe he's got a dying mother I can poke fun at, too.
Honey, I just got used to singing in front of people.
I don't think I'm going to be doing stand-up.
Wait.
Honey, my account depends on this.
You have to.
I have to? Honey, I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.
Back the hell off.
If that's her putting it nicely, we need to get out of here.
I do a mean Regis Philbin impersonation.
Should I bring it up? Not now.
I'd like to hear it.
I can't believe that you would try to undermine me in front of our band.
What?! Oh, no.
No, no, it's not our band, honey.
You know, it's-it's our band.
And I don't appreciate you coming in here and taking over.
Okay, music is my thing.
And a little trust would go a long way.
Oh, you know what? Right back at you.
I think I know the corporate mindset a little better than you do.
Perhaps, perhaps, but you don't know my mindset.
'Cause if you did, you'd stop saying "corporate mindset.
" You know what, honey? If I didn't take you to dinner, you wouldn't even have this gig.
You should be thanking me.
(laughs) Okay, if I weren't so charming at dinner, you wouldn't have a shot at this account, so you should be thanking me.
Hmm.
Okay, well, you know what? Since you're being so petty, you're welcome.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
You're welcome! No, no, no.
It's my pleasure.
No, no, it's my pleasure! And it's my band, and it's my gig.
And I'm gonna do it my way, which means, no cheesy lyrics, no stand-up, and definitely no fog machine.
You lack vision! Okay, this is ridiculous.
I have to go set up for my gig.
Okay.
Well, I will see you at your gig that you never would have gotten without me.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
No.
You're welcome.
You're welcome! All right, all right, what is going on here? What? You've never seen me do laundry before? No.
No one has.
Okay, all right, you tell me your angle, or you will be severely punished for all your helpfulness.
Fine.
Shannon's been betting me.
As in, "Betcha ten bucks you can't scour the kitchen before Mom gets home.
" Or "Betcha ten bucks you can't do three loads of laundry tonight.
" What a chump, right? Someone is, yeah.
Yeah.
No.
Shannon's been betting me that she can get you to do chores.
She hit me up for 20 bucks twice this week.
And she's only been giving me half? That little monkey ripped me off! What could she possibly use all that money for? (imitating Elvis): Well, thank Well, thank you very much.
Yeah.
Thank you.
I'm so psyched for this gig! Hey, what do you say when we're done, we trash our dressing room? Yeah, I don't think they'd appreciate us wrecking the supply closet.
Hey.
Man! I thought these storage people would be a bunch of trolls, but they're not bad-looking.
For some reason, I pictured them living in their storage units, but I guess that was just prejudice on my part.
Yeah.
What is wrong with you? Oh, I'm sorry.
I mean, I know this is a really big deal for us.
I just I can't enjoy it.
Oh, 'cause you're fighting with Jay? Yeah.
Whenever we're mad at each other, it just sucks the fun out of everything.
Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
But that's what you get for having a good marriage.
In a crappy one, you're happy when you're fighting, because then you don't have to talk to him.
Buddy, buddy, good to see you.
Listen.
Just came from the kitchen.
Word to the wise.
The fish looks iffy.
Well, um (clears throat) I don't I don't think that the people come here for the fish, Mr.
Bowman.
I think they come for you.
(both laughing) All right, you can take your lips off my keister.
Got it.
Anyone who is as excited about insurance as you, I want on my team.
Really? You're giv You're giving me the account?! You seem surprised? Well, no, no, no.
I just You don't think the account depended on your wife's performance, do you? (laughs) No, no.
That-That I didn't even think the two were-were related.
That's crazy.
(both laughing) Oh, my God.
Hey.
Hey.
So, I guess you can start planning your new kitchen.
What? I got the account.
That's great! Isn't it? Yeah.
I just You know, I thought I'd be happier, but I can't really enjoy it if we're still fighting.
I'm getting a new kitchen.
Fight's over.
Look, honey, I-I know I know I've been bossy, you know, but I guess I was just a little overeager to be a part of something creative.
You know? I mean, I love my job.
I know it's not the most exciting one in the world, but Who says it's not? You do.
All the time.
(sighs) So, I apologize if I went a little crazy.
It was just I take crap from my boss all day at work, then I come and deal with the kids.
You know, the band is really the only place where I get to call the shots.
I mean, they don't make a move without me.
Hey, the guys and I decided to drop the third song, and we're only doing one encore.
Owen is very, very hungry.
Okay.
But they had to run it by me first, so Look, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make fun of your job.
And it's not like I don't appreciate all the hard work.
I mean, I really do.
No, and I appreciate you, too.
You know, I mean, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't even have the account.
Well, if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have this gig, so thank you.
No.
Thank you.
Let's not go there again.
All right.
They want us in place.
They're ready to start.
Okay.
All right.
Good luck.
Listen.
(squeals) Listen.
Don't worry about my jokes or my lyrics.
Okay.
Tonight, you call the shots.
Okay.
BILL: Well, without further ado, I would Hey.
Let's give a warm welcome to tonight's entertainment.
And, my gosh, I guess I should have learned the band's name before I came up here.
But what the heck.
I own the company, so applaud.
(cheering and applause) Uh, first up, a quick announcement: they're out of chicken.
(people groaning) Uh Yeah.
No.
I know it's a-a bummer, but, you know, are you surprised? I mean, it was it was cooked in a white wine sauce, and Bob Kleinman's here, so (laughter) Yeah.
Whoever's, uh, parked next to Bob's Buick, this might be a good time to move your car.
(applause) Okay, okay.
Uh, to start, we're gonna we're gonna kick it off with a little old-school soul.
Let's hit it.
(applause, band plays intro to "Mr.
Big Stuff") Mr.
Big Stuff You are the storage czar Mr.
Big Stuff Your units even hold my car Mr.
Big Stuff PATTY & RITA: I got to store all my stuff somewhere KIP & OWEN: Oh, yeah RITA & PATTY: For a price that can not be compared At 40 locations throughout the city And most of the tri-county area BOTH: Oh, yeah They're really good.
The only thing missing is the fog machine.
That's what I said! Oh, oh-oh-oh-oh Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh Mr.
Big Stuff Whoa, yeah Mr.
Big Stuff Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh Oh, yeah Mr.
Big Stuff.
Hey.
(cheering, applause, and whistling) Captioned by Media