Spin City s01e17 Episode Script

THIS TIME, I MEAN IT.
WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR ANY MORE QUESTIONS.
YES, YOU IN THE BACK.
THIS IS ABOUT MAYOR WINSTON AND HOLLY COHEN FROM THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE.
THEY WORK TOGETHER.
THEY WERE SEEN LAST NIGHT AT A RESTAURANT EATING OYSTERS WITH AN EXPENSIVE BOTTLE OF CABERNET.
DO YOU THINK MRS.
WINSTON WOULD APPROVE OF THIS? ABSOLUTELY NOT.
NO, SHE WOULD NEVER ORDER RED WINE WITH SEAFOOD.
NO.
HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO RUMORS THE MAYOR IS ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH MISS COHEN? HOW DO I RESPOND? HOW DO I RESPOND? HOW DO I RESPOND? EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
HAMLET.
I CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT I'M HEARING.
Y-Y-YOU ACTUALLY SPIED ON THE MAYOR DURING DINNER.
SO, WHAT'S THE SCOOP? WHAT, DID THE MAYOR HAVE PARMESAN CHEESE ON HIS PASTA? DID HE HAVE CREAM IN HIS COFFEE? AND IF NOT, WHAT THE HELL IS HE HIDING? MIKE-- NO! THIS IS PATHETIC.
THE MAYOR IS A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN, AND YOU HAVE NO STORY-- NOTHING, ZIP, NADA, THE BIG BAGEL, WHICH, COINCIDENTALLY, IS WHAT THE MAYOR HAD FOR BREAKFAST.
NO CREAM CHEESE, BUT YOU PROBABLY GUESSED THAT.
THEY CAN BE LIKE DOGS, MIKE.
BAD REPORTERS! BAD! BAD REPORTERS! HERE YOU GO, CHAMP.
GOOD, PAUL.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAYOR WINSTON, FROM ALL OF US AT MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL.
YOU'RE THE BOSS.
DON'T LET ANYBODY PUSH YOU AROUND.
THIS IS YOUR YEAR, BIG GUY.
DON'T TAKE ANY CRAP.
YEAH.
(SHUTS OFF TV) WHOEVER CAME UP WITH THIS IDEA OF HAVING CELEBRITIES WISH THE MAYOR HAPPY BIRTHDAY IS A GENIUS.
MIKE, YOU THOUGHT OF IT.
OH, MY GOSH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
WE'RE STILL GOING THROUGH WITH THE PARTY, EVEN WITH ALL THIS STUFF ABOUT THE MAYOR'S LOVE LIFE? WE WANT THE GOVERNOR TO GIVE US A BIGGER PIECE OF THE FEDERAL SUBSIDY FOR SPECIAL EDUCATION PROGRAMS, SO THE MAYOR AND NIKKI-- YES, NIKKI-- ARE WORKING WITH MISS COHEN-- YES, WORKING WITH HER-- IN ORDER TO MAKE THAT HAPPEN.
END OF STORY.
ACTUALLY, ONCE WE'D STREAMLINED THE SPECIAL ED BUDGET, THE MAYOR KIND OF TOOK ME OUT OF THE LOOP.
APPARENTLY, HE WANTED TO BE MORE HANDS-ON WITH THE PROJECT.
IT'S THE MAYOR'S 5Oth BIRTHDAY, AND WE'RE NOT GOING TO DIGNIFY THE PRESS'S SLEAZY TABLOID MENTALITY BY CHANGING THE WAY WE DO THINGS AROUND HERE.
NIKKI, I SEE YOU SENT JOHN F.
KENNEDY JR.
AN INVITE.
IF HE WAS ON THE LIST, I'M SURE HE GOT ONE.
YOU FELT IT NECESSARY TO SEND HIM ONE EVERY DAY FOR THE PAST 3 WEEKS? I LIKE TO BE THOROUGH, MIKE.
SO YOU FOLLOWED IT UP WITH A PHONE CALL TO HIS APARTMENT LAST SATURDAY AT 1 A.
M.
MAYBE.
HEY, NIK, DON'T GET ME WRONG.
I LIKE THE KENNEDY MEN AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GAL, BUT LET'S NOT USE THE MAYOR'S BIRTHDAY TO FURTHER OUR OWN PERSONAL AGENDAS.
STALKER.
STUART, DON'T MAKE ME BRING UP THE CONNIE CHUNG RESTRAINING ORDER.
OK, GUEST LIST, CHECK.
BIRTHDAY VIDEOS? WE'RE EDITING THOSE TOGETHER AS SOON AS WE GET STEPHANOPOULOS.
WE'RE PLAYING PHONE TAG.
YOU'RE AWARE OF THE FACT THAT IN ORDER TO PLAY PHONE TAG WITH SOMEBODY, THEY HAVE TO CALL BACK.
MIKE, I KNOW STEPH.
WE'RE LIKE THIS.
I'VE BEEN PLAYING PHONE TAG WITH MICHELLE PFEIFFER AND CINDY CRAWFORD.
OH, YEAH AND SANTA.
HEY, MAYOR WINSTON HAPPY BIRTHDAY FROM THE CAST OF RENT.
THE CAST OF RENT, AND THEY JUST SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY? I MEAN, WHAT'S THE MESSAGE? WHAT ARE WE TRYING TO SAY THERE? I THINK WE'RE TRYING TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
WHAT THE HELL'S WITH YOU? LET'S JUST THROW THESE THINGS TOGETHER SO WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE.
I, UHI DON'T WANT TO PULL RANK ON YOU, BUT I ALMOST WENT TO FILM SCHOOL.
IT'S INTERESTING.
YOU KNOW, I ALMOST GIVE A-- AH! OOH, OOH, OOH, OOH LET US TRY TO CHANNEL THAT HOSTILITY INTO THE PROJECT.
AND ACTION.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAYOR WINSTON.
I LOVE YOU, MAN! Man: GREAT JOB, PATRICK.
WHY AM I EVEN DOING THIS? I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE GUY.
ALL HE TALKS ABOUT IS THE YANKEES.
YANKEES THIS, YANKEES THAT.
GET A LIFE! I'M JUST GOING TO EDIT THAT LAST PART OUT.
NO, NO, NO.
SOME HONESTY.
FINALLY.
THIS I CAN USE.
MIKE, YOU HAVE TO RELAX.
WHEN I WORKED FOR CONGRESSMAN MALINS, THE PRESS PRINTED STORIES SAYING HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE.
YEAH, BECAUSE HE DID, AND THE SCANDAL KILLED HIS CAREER.
TRUE.
BUT I ENDED UP WORKING HERE, AND NOW I MAKE A LOT MORE MONEY.
Mayor: NO, NO, NO.
IT'S PRETTY SIMPLE.
SEE, WE JUST TAKE OF OPERATING COSTS AND RECLASSIFY IT AS TRANSPORTATION EXPENSE.
SAYS RIGHT HERE.
SEE THAT? NOTHING.
Woman: THAT'S THE ANSWER? THIS IS SO EXCITING! YEAH, I GUESS SO.
WHAT? NOTHING, IT'S JUST YOU WERE MADE TO WEAR THAT SUIT.
YOU'RE SAYING I LOOK GOOD, RIGHT? BECAUSE NOBODY FORCED ME TO WEAR THIS.
I PICK OUT ALL MY OWN CLOTHES.
FUNNY, TOO.
YOU'VE GOT THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
HE WANTS HER.
WHOOH! GEORGE DIDN'T LEAVE MY NAME FOR YOU, HUH? I'M NOT SOME PATHETIC GROUPIE, YOU KNOW.
I KNOW THE MAN.
LOOK AT ME! STEPH! STEPH! STEPH! WHAT? OH, HEY! OH, HEY, STEPH! PAUL, HOW YOU DOING? GOOD TO SEE YOU.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
LISTEN, SORRY I'M LATE.
I'M DOING THIS COMMENTATOR THING AT ABC NOW.
OH, I WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
I DON'T WATCH THAT NETWORK.
I REALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU BECAUSE WE'RE OLD FRIENDS, BUT I KIND OF HOPED YOU'D GOTTEN THIS COMPETITIVE STUFF BEHIND YOU.
YOU'RE RIGHT, BECAUSE YOU'RE YOU AND I'M ME, REGARDLESS OF SPEAKER'S FEES OR THE BOOK DEAL COME ON, PAUL.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE BOTH DOING WELL.
SO, WHAT DO YOU NEED? WELL, SEE, IT'S THE MAYOR'S I'M SORT OF HIS RIGHT-HAND MAN, LIKE YOU USED TO BE WITH, UMWHAT'S HIS UMUH BILL CLINTON? CLINTON.
CLINTON.
YEAH, RIGHT.
YEAH.
THE PRESIDENT? WHATEVER.
TITLES ARE TITLES, YEAH.
YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THE PARTY.
OK.
IT WOULD REALLY BE A GREAT FAVOR TO ME IF YOU WOULD-- THEN I'D LOVE TO.
WHATEVER YOU NEED, PAUL.
YOU KNOW THAT.
REALLY? SURE.
OH, THANK YOU, MAN.
THAT'S GREAT.
STEPH, LET ME JUST ASK YOU SOMETHING.
YOU STILL DOIN' THAT PODIUM THING, LEANING OVER WITH THE FURROWED BROW? OK, PAUL, I GOTTA GO.
YEAH, I KNOW.
BUT LISTEN.
DO YOU STILL DO THAT "ANY MORE QUESTIONS" THING? EVERYONE SAYS THAT.
NO, NO, NO.
THEY SAY "ANY FURTHER QUESTIONS?" "ANY MORE QUESTIONS?" WAS MINE.
YOU COPIED THAT.
YOU'RE A COPYCAT! COPYCAT! COPYCAT! PAUL, YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS.
NO, I'M NOT.
MAYOR WINSTON, I JUST WANT TO TAKE A SECOND HERE TO WISH YOU A VERY, VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
BY THE WAY, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING CARE OF THOSE PARKING TICKETS.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS) BUT THE MAYOR, HE'S, LIKE, NUTS, RIGHT? SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU, JUST THE TWO OF US.
THIS IS KIND OF AWKWARD.
I DON'T REALLY EVEN KNOW HOW TO BROACH THE SUBJECT.
MISS COHEN'S AN INTERESTING WOMAN, MIKE.
WELL, THERE YOU GO.
A LOT EASIER THAN I THOUGHT.
SHE'S COMMITTED.
SHE'S VIBRANT.
SHE'S VERY PASSIONATE.
DON'T YOU THINK? WELL, SHE CERTAINLY MAKES MY HEART SKIP A BEAT.
UH HERE'S THE THING.
I KNOW YOU TWO ARE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER BECAUSE OF THE WORK, BUT THE PRESS, THEY'RE TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING MORE OUT OF IT.
HELL, THEY'RE A COUPLE DAYS AWAY FROM WRITING THAT YOU TWO ARE AN ITEM.
HA HA HA! I'M 50 YEARS OLD, MIKE.
AM I THE MAN I WANTED TO BE, OR AM I JUST SOMEONE WHOSE DECISIONS HAVE ALL BEEN MADE FOR HIM? WELL, SIR, I THINK I CAN SAFELY SPEAK FOR THE BOTH OF US WHEN I SAY THAT YOU ARE EXACTLY THE MAN YOU WANTED TO BE.
NOW, I KNOW THIS IS KIND OF PERSONAL, BUT I HAVE TO ASK.
AM I IN LOVE WITH HER, MIKE? WOW.
OK, I WAS GOING TO ASK, "DO YOU HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR HER?" BUT YOU SEEM TO HAVE JUMPED A COUPLE OF RUNGS ON ME.
SO, ARE YOU, UH SIR, ARE YOU, UH IN LOVE WITH HER? MAYBE.
I LOVE THE WAY SHE MAKES ME FEEL.
OK.
ALL RIGHT, I'M GOING TO RECOMMEND, IF ANYONE ASKS, THAT YOU SAY "NO COMMENT" OVER "MAYBE.
" MICHAEL AND BY ALL MEANS, STAY AWAY FROM, "I JUST LOVE THE WAY SHE MAKES ME FEEL.
" MICHAEL, NOW, MICHAEL, THERE IS THE PROBLEM RIGHT THERE.
WATCHING WHAT I SAY, WHAT I DO.
EVERYTHING HAS TO BE SO CAREFUL.
AND THEN I GO HOME TO HELEN.
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER, BUT IN A COMFORTABLE, RELAXED, WATCHING-THE-EVENING- NEWS-IN-SEPARATE-ROOMS KIND OF WAY.
I'M A MAN, NOT JUST A MAYOR, AND HOLLY FINDS ME EXCITING, AND I REALLY REALLY NEED THAT.
I FIND YOU EXCITING, SIR.
I WANT TO FEEL ALIVE! I WANT TO BE LIKE THOSE GUYS WALKING THAT TIGHTROPE BETWEEN 2 CLIFFS WITH NO NET! I DON'T WANT TO DISCOURAGE YOU, BUT MOST OF THOSE GUYS END UP A BLOODY MESS ON THE ROCKS.
(KNOCK ON DOOR) WE DID IT.
THE GOVERNOR APPROVED EVERY SECTION OF THE PROPOSAL! (BOTH LAUGH) OHH WHOA! HO! WHOA.
THAT'S EXCITING.
YEE-HA.
WHAT IS TAKING HIM SO LONG? HE'LL BE LATE FOR HIS OWN PARTY.
IT'S A BIG NIGHT FOR HIM, MIKE.
ALL THOSE V.
I.
P.
s WILL BE THERE, HIS COWORKERS, THE WOMAN HE LOVES HIS WIFE WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE LIMO? SERIOUSLY, SHOULDN'T YOU BE IN THE BACK OF THE CATERING TRUCK? WHAT? I'M JUST TELLING IT HOW IT IS.
TONIGHT IS ABOUT WHAT ISN'T.
THERE ISN'T ANYTHING BETWEEN THE MAYOR AND HOLLY, THE PRESS ISN'T GOING TO BE SNOOPING AROUND FOR A STORY, AND MY LIFE ISN'T GOING TO FALL APART.
MIKE, THAT IS CLASSIC DENIAL.
NO, IT ISN'T.
THE MAYOR IS JUST CONFUSED, AND HE NEEDS SOME TIME FOR HIS HEAD TO CATCH UP WITH HIS HEART.
Helen: THANK YOU.
MIKE.
OTHER WORKER.
POUR ME A DRINK, PLEASE.
BOY, YOU LOOK LOVELY TONIGHT, MA'AM.
AND READY BEFORE YOUR HUSBAND.
STRIKE ANOTHER SMALL BLOW FOR FEMINISM.
HE'S ALREADY IN ANOTHER CAR WITH THAT WOMAN FROM THE GOVERNOR'S OFFICE-- SOMETHING ABOUT FINISHING UP SOME BUSINESS.
(LAUGHS) EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL WE DISCUSS TABLE ARRANGEMENTS FOR TONIGHT.
I'D LOVE TO, MA'AM-- BECAUSE YOUR WHOLE THEORY OF BOY, GIRL, BOY, GIRL IS TRULY INSPIRING.
BUT I GOTTA-- (BUMPS DRINK) OH! OH! WHAT A SHAME.
I KNOW.
OH, THAT'S VERY EXPENSIVE VODKA.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAYOR WINSTON.
SINCE I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING, HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THE CRITICISM THAT YOUR ADMINISTRATION IS GUTTING SOCIAL PROGRAMS? NO.
IF I HAD GOTTEN TO WORK WITH HIM, I KNOW I COULD HAVE TAPPED INTO THE REAL LARRY KING.
THE FUNNY THING ABOUT A 50th BIRTHDAY VIDEO IS THAT IT'S GENERALLY ONLY A GOOD GIFT ON SOMEONE'S 50th BIRTHDAY! GIVE ME THAT THING.
WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
"THAT THING"? YOU KNOW WHAT? IF YOU DON'T SHARE MY ARTISTIC VISION, FINE.
I DON'T NEED YOU HERE, STIFLING THE CREATIVE PROCESS.
YOU'RE FIRED! YES! I NEVER KNEW WORKING ON A BUDGET COULD BE SO MUCH FUN.
YOU PROBABLY NEVER DID IT WITH CHAMPAGNE BEFORE.
NO.
(DING) OOH! THESE LAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN I KNOW.
SO IT'S BEEN THE SAME FOR IT HAS.
AMAZING.
WE EVEN FINISH EACH OTHER'S MEALS? I WAS GOING TO SAY "SENTENCES.
" SORRY.
I HAVEN'T EATEN SINCE BREAKFAST? THERE WE GO, RIGHT BACK ON TRACK.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M ACTING LIKE THIS.
IF I WERE TO STEP OUTSIDE AND LOOK AT THE WOMAN, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE IT WAS ME.
IT JUST FEELS SO RIGHT.
YOU KNOW? I KNOW.
(TAPPING ON WINDOW) HI.
HOW ARE YOU? I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
MY LIMO'S JUST A TWO-SEATER.
MIKE, WE'RE ALMOST HOW DID YOU CATCH US? ACTUALLY, SIR, IT'S ONLY A MILE AS THE CROW FLIES.
I WOULD HAVE CAUGHT YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PARK, BUT MARIO ANDRETTI UP THERE RAN A COUPLE OF RED LIGHTS.
WHOO, BOY! WELL, HOW WE DOING IN HERE? HEY, MAYOR WINSTON, IT'S ME, ROSIE O'DONNELL.
SORRY I COULDN'T MAKE THE BIG BASH, BUT I GOT OTHER THINGS TO DO.
GOT TO STAY HOME AND DYE MY HAIR.
SPEAKING OF HAIR, YOURS LOOKS NICE.
SALT-AND-PEPPER? CUTE.
LITTLE JOHN FORSYTHE THING GOING ON? I LIKE IT.
YOU'RE A GOOD-LOOKING GUY.
YOU'RE NO TOM CRUISE, BUT THEN AGAIN, WHO IS? [SLOW POP MUSIC.]
Carter: SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU WENT TO STEPHANOPOULOS'S OFFICE.
HE GRACIOUSLY AGREED NOT ONLY TO DO A VIDEO, BUT ALSO TO SHOW UP HERE TONIGHT, AND THEN YOU BEAT HIM UP.
WE HAVE ISSUES.
PAUL, WE'RE FRIENDS.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU DON'T KNOW THE GUY? BUT I DO! NO, NO, I DO! LOOK.
THESE ARE HIS TEETH MARKS, SEE? THAT IS SO SAD.
YOU ACTUALLY BIT YOURSELF.
PLEASE.
OK.
SNAPSHOTS OF THE HAPPY COUPLE.
VERY GOOD.
WE LIKE THAT.
EVERYBODY, HUDDLE UP.
CLOSE YOUR EYES.
I WANT TO PAINT YOU A MENTAL PICTURE.
THE MAYOR'S VERY VULNERABLE TONIGHT.
THERE ARE A LOT OF REPORTERS HERE, AND ALSO IN ATTENDANCE IS A WOMAN I WILL REFER TO SIMPLY AS "THE SHARK.
" WHEREAS THE MAYOR-- THE MAYOR IS LIKE AN OLDER, SLOW-MOVING SEA LION.
(FRENCH ACCENT) I WILL STAY ABOARD THE CALYPSO WHILE MY ASSISTANT MIKE DIVE INTO THE OCEAN TO JOIN IN THE LIFE-AND-DEATH STRUGGLE BETWEEN THE SHARK AND THE NOBLE SEA LION.
NO.
YOU'RE GOING TO STAY WITH HOLLY AND MAKE SURE SHE STAYS THE HELL AWAY FROM THE MAYOR.
THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THAT? IF SHE CHALLENGE ME, I SHALL SIMPLY PUNCH HER ON THE SNOUT.
ALL RIGHT.
CARTER, I WANT YOU WITH MRS.
WINSTON.
MAKE SURE SHE DOESN'T MAKE A SCENE, HUH? ALL RIGHT.
NIKKI, YOU'RE GOING TO HANG WITH THE MAYOR.
SUGGESTED TOPICS OF CONVERSATION INCLUDE MARRIAGE, COMMITMENT, SENSE OF DUTY.
I'M JUST GOING TO FINISH THIS CHAMPAGNE.
OOH! AND THIS EGG ROLL.
THANK YOU.
PAUL, EAT THIS.
MMPH.
HOT! HOT! HOT! WASH IT DOWN WITH THAT.
LOOK AT YOU-- YOU'RE ALL DONE.
AWAY YOU GO.
I GUESS THAT LEAVES ME FREE TO MINGLE.
NOT SO FAST, PAUL.
YOUR TASK IS AS FOLLOWS: THERE'S THE MAYOR, THERE'S THE PRESS, AND YOU, MY FRIEND, YOU ARE THE GREAT WALL OF LASSITER.
HIYA, FELLAS.
PAUL WILL BE YOUR HOST FOR THE EVENING.
I JUST CAME BY TO REMIND YOU THAT THIS IS A PARTY, NOT A PRESS CONFERENCE.
SO PLEASE RESERVE ANY OFFENSIVE, UNFOUNDED, POTENTIALLY LIBELOUS QUESTIONS UNTIL TOMORROW, WHEN I'LL BE HAPPY TO MISLEAD, MISDIRECT, AND MISINFORM YOU AS PER OUR USUAL ARRANGEMENT.
THAT'S RIGHT.
I'M BAD! Nikki: WE'VE ACTUALLY NEVER HAD A DIVORCE IN THE FABER FAMILY.
THE OCCASIONAL TIFF, A COUPLE OF SEPARATIONS, AND AN ASSAULT.
THAT WAS MY GREAT-AUNT EDNA.
SHE SWEARS TO THIS DAY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
SHE WAS WALKING ACROSS THE FLOOR TAKING A TYPEWRITER TO MY UNCLE RAY.
SHE TRIPPED, STABBED HIM REPEATEDLY WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING.
MIKE, HAVE YOU SEEN MISS COHEN? NO, I HAVEN'T, YOUR HONOR, BUT THERE'S JAMES, AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S GOT YOUR BIRTHDAY VIDEO IN HIS HAND.
JAMES.
MIKE, I THINK IT'S A VERY POWERFUL AND HONEST PIECE.
I TRIED TO CAPTURE THE MAYOR'S-- JAMES.
JAMES.
I'M JUST LOOKING TO BURN A FEW MINUTES OFF THIS DAMN PARTY.
I NEED SOME TIME TO COME TO TERMS WITH LETTING THIS GO.
NO PROBLEM.
THERE, HOW'S THAT? LIGHTS! IF YOU LIKE IT, I HAVE A 6-HOUR DIRECTOR'S CUT.
HAPPY NO TOM CRUISE, BUT THEN AGAIN GET A LIFELIFELIFE HOW DO YOU RESPOND I DON'T EVEN LIKE THE GUY! I KNOW YOU'RE WATCHING WATCHINGWATCHING I WANT TO TAKE A SECOND BIRTH DAY! I LOVE YOU, MAN! WHY AM I DOING THIS? DON'T LET ANYBODY PUSH YOU AROUND! THANKS FOR TAKING CARE OF THE PARKING TICKETS.
IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT THE MAYOR THIS IS YOUR YEAR, BIG GUY.
THE ADMINISTRATION IS GUTTING SEND OVER A PIECE OF CAKECAKECAKE REAL ORIGINAL.
AND DON'T TAKE ANY CR-CR-CRAP.
YEAH.
WHAT? Nikki: AND MY OTHER GREAT-AUNT WAS MARRIED FOR 57 YEARS.
NIKKI, WHY DON'T I TAG IN NOW? YOU'RE JUST IN TIME.
I'M DOWN TO MY LAST AUNT.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SIR.
THANK YOU.
THANKS FOR THE RESCUE, MIKE.
SHE'S EXCRUCIATINGLY DULL.
SIR, THIS THING IS WINDING DOWN.
WHAT SAY YOU GRAB THE MISSIS AND WE HEAD OUTTA HERE? I CAN'T LEAVE, MIKE.
I PROMISED HOLLY I'D SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR HER.
OH, YEAH.
THE TRADITIONAL MAYORAL DANCE OF DEATH.
SIR, YOU ARE AWARE THAT ALL THOSE PEOPLE OVER THERE WITH CAMERAS ARE NOT TOURISTS? BONDEK, I DON'T HAVE THE PATIENCE TO ASK YOU AGAIN.
LEAVE ME ALONE, OR I'LL HAVE YOU TERMINATED! YOU CAN'T FIRE ME.
I MEANT KILLED.
YOU, UH, PROMISED YOU'D SAVE THE LAST DANCE FOR ME.
WELL, I'M MORE OF A RUMBA MAN, BUT LET'S GO.
* DUM DUM DUM * * OH! * NO.
MR.
MAYOR.
I'D LIKE TO DEDICATE THIS NEXT SONG TO THE MAYOR.
UNO, DOS, TRES, CUATRO! (PLAYING FAST LATIN DANCE MUSIC) * WHRRRR--AAH! * MICHAEL! * WHRRRR--AAH! * (MUSIC STOPS) BAD BEAT, HARD TO DANCE TO.
I GIVE IT A ONE.
MAESTRO, PLEASE PLAY SOMETHING SLOW.
Bandleader: SORRY.
HE'S THE BOSS.
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING) UHTOAST! TOAST! TOAST, TOAST, TOAST.
(GLASS RINGING) WE ARE HERE TO HONOR A GREAT MAN ON THIS, THE OCCASION OF HIS 50th BIRTHDAY, AND I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT BY READING A FEW PASSAGES FROM THE BIBLE.
DOES ANYONE, UH HAVE ONE ON 'EM? ALL RIGHT, MICHAEL, THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME.
COME HERE.
SIR I DON'T CARE, SIR, 'CAUSE THIS DANCE, MR.
MAYOR-- I KNOW.
IT'S POLITICAL SUICIDE.
TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, I COULD PROBABLY SPIN THIS SO IT WOULDN'T KILL YOU.
I'M COMING TO YOU AS A FRIEND.
THERE ARE A LOT OF GUYS WHO COULD DO THIS AND FEEL NOTHING, BUT YOU'RE NOT ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
YOU'RE GONNA REGRET THIS.
YOU'RE GONNA GET HURT.
YOU LET ME BE THE JUDGE OF THAT.
RANDALL JUST DON'T DO THIS.
DID YOU JUST CALL ME RANDALL? YEAH.
YEAH, I DID.
LOOK, I DON'T HAVE A WHOLE LOT IN MY LIFE I CAN HOLD ONTO.
BUT I'VE ALWAYS RESPECTED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE I'VE EVER WORKED WITH MORE THAN ANYONE I EVER KNEW.
AND I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THAT RANDALL.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY, AND I'M GOING TO AT LEAST HAVE ONE DANCE.
I'M REALLY SORRY.
WOULD YOU DO THIS POOR OLD FOOL THE HONOR OF A DANCE ON HIS 50th BIRTHDAY? NOW? MMM.
OF COURSE.
Stuart: NICE JOB! TALK ABOUT YOUR DAMAGE CONTROL.
STUART EVERYTHING I SAID I MEANT.
IT CAME FROM THE HEART.
UH-HUH.
HOW LONG YOU BEEN SAVING THAT CALL-HIM-RANDALL THING? ABOUT 6 MONTHS.
JUST SHOWED UP.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR.
MAYOR.
OH, AND, PAUL? DON'T WORRY.
YOU AND I ARE STILL FRIENDS.
YOU NEED HELP, BUT WE'RE STILL FRIENDS.
(CHUCKLES) NOBODY HERE TO SEE IT.
HE DID IT AGAIN.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS WITH THAT GUY, ANYWAY.
EVERYTHING HE DOES, HE COPIED FROM ME.
- [MAN.]
SIT, UBU, SIT.
GOOD DOG.
- [UBU BARKS.]