The Big Fat Quiz of the Year (2013) s01e17 Episode Script

1 This programme contains strong language and adult humour from the start APPLAUSE Hello and welcome to The Big Fat Quiz Of Everything, the super-sized, mega-bucket, full English of quizzes.
If you haven't seen the show before, like everything big and fat, it's fun and jolly and no-one can quite believe that, after all these years, it's still going.
OK, let's meet our teams.
The perfect way to start the day, it's a little Danish and a cup of steaming Joe, it's Sandi Toksvig and Joe Lycett.
APPLAUSE He's massive in grime, she's just plain dirty, it looks like something's gone horribly wrong on Match.
com, it's Katherine Ryan and Big Narstie.
APPLAUSE And one is one half of Baddiel and Skinner and the other is the other half of Baddiel and Skinner, it's David Baddiel and Frank Skinner! APPLAUSE See, this show is a bit like being back at school.
What were you like at school? Big Narstie, what were you like? My teacher said that .
.
that I had great potential.
But I just - BLEEP - up a lot.
- They actually said that? - Yes.
My school doesn't exist any more.
Closed it! Did they close it or did someone burn it down? What happened? No comment.
Katherine, what were you like at school? Well, I'm not Katherine for a start, Jimmy, I'm Quiz Jenner! APPLAUSE Thank you.
You see, Kris Jenner is my Woman of the Year.
I love the Kardashians, they're a matriarchy of shape-shifting sisters who destroy men or turn them to women.
It's very much a sci-fi programme.
I'm into it.
I was a very good girl in school, though.
Very academic.
I just wanted to please adults and I wanted to do the right thing.
And I was not a cool kid.
Who'd have known I'd turn into such a slut? Frank, what was school like in the olden days? Well I found, as long as you remembered your gas mask .
.
it was OK.
I was expelled from school, actually.
- Genuinely? - Genuinely.
I was expelled for embezzling the school meals service, was what it said.
Did you ask for some more? I think I've seen a documentary about this.
- Yeah.
Have you met Fagan? - Oh! - Oh, it's started early.
- Early on with that! - Who had one minute? Actually, while we're on the subject, I did go to a Jewish primary school, it was a very Jewish primary school.
I had one line in the school play.
It was, "Well, Rabbi, you certainly do drive a hard bargain.
" Now that is a very Jewish play.
- Genuinely truly? - Genuinely true.
You think it's Rabbi, but then at the end, it's bargain.
Sandi, were you good at school? - I'm going to top Frank, I got thrown out of three schools in a row.
- No! Yeah, that's pretty cool, isn't it? - Yeah.
- Genuinely? - Yeah, genuinely, genuinely.
- Well, give us the reasons, give us the? Well, the last one it was a misunderstanding, I had no idea you were supposed to be there every day.
I just found school unbelievably boring.
So, I went to school in the United States, and I remember the teacher saying, "This year, class, we're going to read Catcher In The Rye.
" So they gave us Catcher In The Rye, I went home, I read it, I came back in, prepared to discuss it - I didn't realise we were going to read it one word at a time, all year.
So I thought I would come back when they'd finished.
So I got sent to British boarding school, which is how I ended up here.
I think this is all lies and you were dealing drugs.
That's what I think.
Let's just be honest about things.
The world's smallest drug dealer.
Joe, school, tell me, what were you like? I was very sweet, I was very well behaved.
- I also went to Birmingham, but I went to a grammar school.
- Ooh! Because I'm a prick.
And I played by the rules and I got good grades and here I am.
And I'm ready to win.
OK, on with the quiz.
Our first round is all about history, as in historical events, not the thing your dad wipes from the computer every morning.
Archaeologists are constantly trying to date things, and maybe if they lost the cardigan and sandals, they'd have more luck.
In 1582, Italian scientist Lilius released the Gregorian calendar we still use today.
Lilius worked tirelessly on his creation for ten years.
28 hours a day, nine days a week.
Father of medicine Hippocrates diagnosed illness by tasting the bodily fluids of his patients.
He would taste ear wax, their urine, their snot and their pus.
Which is also how he came up with the recipe for Marmite.
OK, let's get started, here are some questions.
Mount Rushmore is one of America's most famous landmarks, but can you tell me which four people are featured on it? It's presidents, innit? DAVID: Presidents? Speak up, I don't think they all heard you.
It's DMX! No-one thinks DMX is on Mount Rushmore.
- Sandi doesn't know what a DMX is.
- No.
OK, next question.
In 1982, the Ubre Blanca became a national hero in Cuba.
Fidel Castro claimed the Ubre Blanca showed the superiority of communism.
What I want to know is, what is the Ubre Blanca? It sounds like a lovely white wine to me.
- This is a person? - No, I want to know what it was.
Siri, Ubre Blanca.
APPLAUSE - Look, my client - I'm turning it off.
Why have you got two phones? I guess I guess, one for business? One for business, one for bitches, am I right? Meh! APPLAUSE Seems reasonable.
That's another thing Big Narstie and I have got in common.
You go, girl! Wouldn't be The Big Fat Quiz without the children of Mitchell Brook Primary School.
- They're acting out an historical event.
- Aw! Take a look, tell me what they're doing.
It's pretty cute.
This is taking ages.
This is too expensive! Zut alors, what do we do? Let's dig under the water.
Bonjour.
'Ello, mate.
All aboard.
Yay! Now we are connected to Europe for ever.
APPLAUSE I mean, it's just adorable.
It'll be much less sweet after Brexit, won't it, that? Horribly poignant ending.
Take a look at this vintage news report.
All I want to know is, what are these people talking about? Erm, no, I didn't find it terribly easy.
Yes, I think I'll be all right when we get used to them.
They'll be lighter to carry around.
I don't think it's difficult as I thought it might be.
It wasn't so bad.
I don't like them very much.
This little one is too small and light.
But I'm not very keen on the other two.
One would hope that it would be the nonevent of 1970 and 1971.
SANDI: Wow.
If I'd ever met that man, I'd have turned.
He was sexy, wasn't he? I mean, he was, yeah, magnetic.
- Look at him there.
- Look at that.
Is that a Carry On film? - That was the news.
- Peggy Mitchell was buff, know what I mean? "Peggy Mitchell was buff," did you say? Peggy Mitchell was, like, the UK's Pamela Anderson in them days, eh? - Yeah, she was hot.
- Shamone.
Yes.
I mean, a good point, well made.
OK, so what were they talking about in that news report? - We're going to win.
- We've got this.
- OK.
NARSTIE: 1971? I wasn't even in the world.
I was in me dad's ball bag.
I wasn't even When you say you were in your dad's ball bag - I wasn't even in the world yet.
- DAVID: When? - '71.
- Weren't you? - No, man, I was in my dad's ball bag.
Just chilling out with the rest of the sperm, you know what I mean? Imagine the size of your dad's balls, though.
I would say you can't have that, "I wasn't alive then.
" I know who Alexander the Great was.
Because you were at primary with him.
You're confusing history and memory.
OK, now, next question - we're over to the star of Mrs Brown's Boys, Brendan O'Carroll.
Take a look.
Hiya, Jimmy.
Now, I play a famous Queen in Dublin, Mrs Brown.
"Hello, Jimmy, you're a very bold boy.
" But I'm here to ask you about another Mrs Brown, Queen Victoria.
She married Prince Albert in 1840, but what tradition did she start on her wedding day? It's going to be likerice.
- Like rice? - Yeah, you know.
- Oh, throwing rice.
- Shh! As opposed to the buffet.
She looks like she's got a face that's been hit quite a lot of rice.
Some of it still in the tin.
Do you know what she said about her honeymoon night? - Go on, what did she say? - "It was most gratifying.
" Because Prince Albert was the, he was famously - The Prince Albert of Prince Albert fame? - Yes, yeah, indeed.
- No, he wasn't.
- Yes.
- He got his old knob done? So why do people call the Prince Albert the Prince Albert? It's called the Prince Albert because he had a Prince Albert.
Because he was very well endowed and he had to strap it to his leg - to not get in the way when he was riding.
- What?! That's why he had the Prince Albert.
But, like, if he got an erection midway through the day - did his leg just go? - He would go, "Whoa!" "Hang on, Victoria, we're up!" But who rides a horse, like, forward, on the end of your dick, anyway? This boy! So, are you ready for some answers? Of course you are.
I asked you which four people are depicted on Mount Rushmore.
What do you all put? Roosevelt, Lincoln Yeah? Washington.
Jefferson.
Yep.
And DMX.
- DMX! - What you really want! What you really want! What do you really want? APPLAUSE OK.
David and Frank, did you get this? We've got Washington, Lincoln, Jefferson, Roosevelt, everybody's talking 'bout pop music.
OK, well, everybody got that right.
Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt and Lincoln.
There they are.
I always think that, on the other side of Mount Rushmore, there might be four rock presidents bending over, sticking their heads through Mount Rushmore.
Actually, the other side looks like this, I can show you.
NARSTIE: Is that Bruce Willis? I asked you about the Ubre Blanca.
Did you know what the Ubre Blanca was? We went with cigar, but I thought it might be something to do with, like, blanca is white, but I did thank may be white wine, but we decided they don't really drink white wine.
So we just thought cigar, because No, it's a good guess, because it's Cuban.
It's absolutely wrong.
Now, David and Frank, normally I would just read your answer and know what you've put, but you've just done some shapes.
If you tell us the answer then we'll tell you what our answer is.
We actually drew the object.
We went for white cigar.
- Because we went for white as well and cigar.
- OK.
What have you got, Big Narstie, Katherine? The Cuban regime.
- And also Che Guevara's cousin.
- Yep.
OK, well, they're both wrong.
So you're double wrong.
It was, in fact, a cow.
It was a cow that produced an awful lot of milk.
Oh, he loved milk! That is true, Castro was obsessed, so obsessed with milk, the Americans tried to poison him in his daily milkshake.
- NARSTIE: Swear down? - Yeah.
Why didn't you tell me that when we were working out the score? The children of Mitchell Brook Primary School did a lovely - play for us.
- They were terrific.
- What were they acting out? Sandi? Building the Channel Tunnel.
Of course, the right answer.
Did you get this, Katherine, Big Narstie? The Channel Tunnel for the Eurostar, Disney! Yeah, Disneyland Paris, homie! Je m'appelle and all of that.
Merci beaucoup.
Oi, croissants! Je m'appelle, all of that, croissants, I mean, if you don't speak French, that will have been lost on you, but, wow, quite the journey he took us on.
- Frank, what have you got? - We've put Chunnel build.
- That used to be - It was called the Chunnel.
- Yeah.
- Did they call it Chunnel? - It was called the Chunnel, yeah.
NARSTIE: Why's that? Well, it's quite complicated.
It's cha It's channel and tunnel.
Sacre blue! I showed you some vintage news reports.
I asked you what everyone was talking about.
Katherine, Big Narstie, your answer was? - Ball bags.
- Yeah.
SANDI: Ball bags? Well, you know, it was a joke at first, because Big Narstie was not born - neither was I - in 1971.
We were in our fathers' respective ball bags.
But then the women were talking about carrying things and it was better than they thought it would be and how to lift them.
And then we thought, ball bags.
This might be about ball bags.
Sandi, Joe, what have you got? We went with decimalisation, because that is the correct answer.
- Yes.
- You're absolutely right.
- Want? - SANDI: Instead of p, we used to have d, and d was denarius, which was the original Roman coin.
I always wondered that! You're a genius.
She's a genius, but she didn't know about that fucking cow, - though, did she? - No.
- You don't know nothing about no Cuban cows! - No.
OK, Brendan O'Carroll asked you what wedding tradition Queen Victoria started.
What did you put? We thought it was maybe throwing rice.
Apparently that's an old thing from the Middle Ages and it represents fertility.
The rice actually represents the - Oh, you're joking.
- Yeah.
Imagine if you came and it was confetti.
It'd be marvellous.
I bet you, when clowns ejaculate, that's what happens.
It was the cow! That would be a great Channel 5 documentary, When Clowns Ejaculate.
So I can tell you, it's not the confetti, but was an old thing from the Middle Ages.
So, what did you put, Katherine, Big Narstie? - Well - What have you done to Big Narstie? Also, why doesn't he make any noise when he laughs? I mean, I realise I'm on the other end of that spectrum, I make too much noise when I laugh, but that was just a wobble when you laughed.
For some reason, he's laughing at the thought of a Cuban cow ejaculating and I don't Look, he's gone.
Do you remember, before he started laughing, when he had eyes? He used to have eyes.
Look, there they are again! DAVID: Nobody can see them for the tears.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! You know that cows are female, right? NARSTIE SNIGGERS No, they've gone again.
He is making a noise now, though.
Ah! Oh, that was good, that was good, that was good.
I have no idea what was funny about that, but something happened.
OK, what did you put ? KATHERINE: It's not that funny.
Rice tastes a lot better than what actually comes out.
I move to change it.
- Stay away from Sugar Puffs and asparagus.
- Please.
Why, what does Sugar Puffs do? Eat Sugar Puffs for two weeks and go for a wee, you'll understand.
- Two weeks?! - DAVID: Have you eaten Sugar Puffs for two weeks? David, you don't get a figure like that not eating Sugar Puffs for two weeks.
That's a man who's lived on Sugar Puffs.
It must have been an extraordinary piss as well.
Katherine, Big? The big man pointed out that Queen Victoria couldn't leave the country to go on honeymoon, could she? So she started the tradition of lifting the veil - and then shagging at home.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Why couldn't she leave the country? - Because she had to be Queen.
Cos the film on Channel 4, when they wanted to go, she's like, "I have to look after the country.
"So we'll just stay in bed for a couple more days.
" And she was getting that well! Staycation.
I'm going to say wrong on a number of levels.
A, she could leave the country.
And B, erm, no.
Can I just say that Big Narstie is actually right.
Because what happened was, he wanted to go on honeymoon for several weeks and go to Germany and she said, "I have to stay and be Queen," and they had two days in Windsor Castle instead.
APPLAUSE Well, the unfortunate thing is, that is not the answer to the question that we had in the quiz.
But it was the answer to the question in life! Sandi, Joe, what have you put? Well, Sandi wrote this, wearing white.
- Is absolutely the right answer.
- Yes! It's a lace, white wedding dress, yes, correct.
APPLAUSE There she is.
OK, so at the end of the first round, the scores are - Sandi and Joe have seven points.
Katherine and Big Narstie have five.
David and Frank have six.
APPLAUSE Join us after the break for more Big Fat Quiz Of Everything.
Well, what else are you going to do, talk to your family? I didn't think so.
APPLAUSE Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.
Yes, yes, yes! I love quizzes! We love Jimmy! This next round is all about music so it doesn't matter if you like the Spice Girls and Justin Bieber or actual music, there's something here for everyone.
At a gig in 1982, Ozzy Osbourne caused controversy after biting the head off a bat.
It looked confused, smelled disgusting and I was worried it'd give me rabies, said the bat.
In the UK, Oasis had eight number one singles, eight number one albums and 828 serious fights about nothing in a car park.
OK, and to ask our first music question, - it's over to Stacey Solomon.
- Hi, Jimmy.
This question is about one of my all-time heroes, Madonna.
She had a massive hit in 1990 with Vogue and the rap in the middle lists 16 ladies with an attitude and fellas that were in the mood.
But can your teams remember three of them? OK, so, she wants to know, Madonna song Vogue, she listed 16 people in the rap in that song, you just have to name three of them.
Couldn't be easier.
All right, next question, I'm going to play you three pieces of music all I want to know is what connects these three pieces of music? OK? Here we go.
MUSIC: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes - # Go West - Life is peaceful there - # Go West - In the open air - # Go West - Where the skies are blue # # Bread of heaven Bread of heaven - # Feed me now and ever more - Ever more # OK.
Three pieces of music there you heard.
Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes, it was Go West covered there by the Pet Shop Boys, and it was Bread Of Heaven by whoever writes hymns.
- The hymn writer guy.
- OK.
I thought that was Big Narstie.
Aw, thanks.
Let's hang out.
I think we should hang out.
You're not helping.
What kind of thing? I don't know.
I'm just flirting with Big Narstie now.
Do not flirt with Big Narstie, he's mine.
Am I right? Oh! I would like to broker that sex tape.
OK, for our next question it's over to the Channel 4 News room where Jon Snow is reporting on a classic song.
I just want to know what's he talking about? Environmental health officers in the United States are investigating a dairy factory after reports that local men were exhibiting peculiar symptoms after consuming their products.
According to eyewitnesses, one drink in particular was, making the guys go crazy and in some cases lose their minds.
The substance is said to be extremely addictive, with large numbers of men congregating in the yard outside the factory.
Researchers have suggested that the company's process may involve warming up the raw ingredients.
But in a defiant statement the company's owner refused to divulge her recipes, saying that she had have to charge for the disclosure.
And while investigators said, "thieves get caught", she had a bullish message to any potential market rivals saying, "Damn right, it's better than yours.
"Damn right, it's better than yours.
" The case continues.
Back to you, Jimmy.
Thank you, Jon Snow.
I love him.
You know there's a character called Jon Snow in Game Of Thrones? - Come on.
- There is, isn't it? - Win the game.
- Oh, fantastic.
- Come on! David Baddiel, he's down with the kids if anyone's wondering.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, man.
I've always thought that's a bit weird, though.
It's like in Star Trek if there was a character called Fiona Bruce.
In history, John Snow was the person who brought clean water to the UK, to London.
- Really? - So, there are lots of John Snows.
I think it's I'm going to go with common.
You want to know about common? Frank Skinner.
There was a There was a There was a fast bowler who played for Sussex and England called John Snow, also.
See, common.
OK, well, what was THAT Jon Snow, off of Channel 4 News talking about? OK, take a look at your screens.
I've got five dolls all based on famous pop stars.
Who are they? Couldn't be easier.
Oh, I know that one.
I mean, they're almost like photographs.
One of them is Joe Lycett, definitely.
That one on the right-hand side, top is definitely Joe Lycett.
That is actually what Joe Lycett uses on his Grindr profile.
OK, I'm going to show you three album covers.
They've all been subtly improved.
All you've got to do is name all three albums.
You get a point for each on this.
So there's the first one.
What album is that? Here's the second one.
If anything, more beautiful than the first.
SANDI: This is you, you're a young person! And the third one.
JOE: Oh, I know that one.
AUDIENCE MEMBER WHISTLES Thank you.
Thank you, one man that whistled sarcastically.
KATHERINE: I don't know, though.
I don't know.
OK, are you ready for some answers? - Yes.
- All right.
So, Stacey Solomon wanted to know three ladies with attitude and fellas that were in the mood.
What did you all put? We put Greta Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and DiMaggio and then we quit.
Chilling, get that bag.
Do you know the whole thing? I know mostly Cardi B lyrics.
OK.
David, Frank, did you get this? We got Greta Garbo, Fred Astaire and John Snow, the Sussex and England fast bowler.
We could only remember Garbo and Astaire.
Garbo and Astaire, OK.
I don't know if I've ever listened to the song any further than that.
- Do you want to have a listen? - Yeah.
# Greta Garbo and Monroe Dietrich and DiMaggio # Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean On the cover of a magazine # Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean Picture of a beauty queen # Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire Ginger Rogers, dance on air # They had style, they had grace Rita Hayworth gave good face # Lauren, Katherine, Lana too Bette Davis, we love you # Ladies with an attitude Fellas that were in the mood # Don't just stand there, Let's get to it # Strike a pose, There's nothing to it Vogue.
Did you get all of those? We gave up writing.
We got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven of them.
But then we stopped writing, because you asked another question.
OK, so, three points, three points, two points.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE OK.
OK, I asked you what linked Seven Nation Army, Go West and Bread Of Heaven? What did you get? Jeremy Corbyn.
You're partly right, but you don't get a point for that.
- Sandi, Joe? - We just put gay, all gay.
So, how come I only get half a point? Because you didn't get it right.
You don't get a half a point, you get no points.
You didn't get it right, I don't know how else to express that.
You said I kind of got it right, though.
Well, you kind of, like, you're on the right lines - but you didn't get it right.
- You're giving mixed messages.
LAUGHTER David, Frank, what did you put? We put they're all football chants.
And you are absolutely right.
- APPLAUSE - Oh.
- We can hear the football chants.
- Oh, OK.
SINGING SEVEN NATION ARMY # Sit down if you like to lose Sit down if you like to lose # You're not fit to wear the shirt # You're not fit, you're not fit You're not fit to wear the shirt! Was that Bread Of Heaven? LAUGHTER - Yeah, that wasn't the original version, though.
- Oh.
The one you played for Go West, I can't remember what it was but it's not the best one.
The best one is, "You're shit and you know you are.
" - That is the best.
- That's the classic.
- That's the classic.
Because it's an incredible thing to say as an insult, isn't it? - Yeah.
- Not only are you shit, at heart you know that about yourself.
And so, what are your favourites? I think the best football chant ever was one that West Brom used to do.
It was, "We will follow the Albion over land and sea and water.
" LAUGHTER You saw Jon Snow reporting on a famous song.
Did you all get it? Milkshake by Kelis.
- Yeah.
- I think we did.
Let's go over to Jon for the reveal.
# My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard # And they're like it's better than yours # Damn right, it's better than yours # I could teach you but I'd have to charge # My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard # And they're like it's better than yours # Damn right, it's better than yours # I could teach you but I'd have to charge You know you want it The thing that makes me LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE God love him.
Points all round, points all round.
OK, I showed you five pop star dolls and asked you who they were supposed to be.
What did you put? I was just watching that clip of Jon Snow and I'm going to be honest, there's some confetti down here.
Yes, a clown just passed.
Clown, right.
A clown's race! OK, so, I think you all got the first one.
So, let's go to Sandi and Joe.
- Sonny and Cher.
- Sonny and Cher, yes, that is Sonny and Cher.
- Let's have a look at those side by side.
- It's a good Sonny.
- Yeah.
The Sonny's not bad, at all.
OK, so, the next one Katherine, Big Narstie, did you get the next one, the top right? The blonde? We're very confused about that creepy looking doll.
Is it the boy from Bros? Boss? I'm afraid you're not right there.
David, Frank, who did you think it was? - We thought it was Matt.
- We thought it might be, but then I thought Matt Goss probably hasn't got a doll.
Well, he might have done at the time, but he doesn't have one now.
It's actually, and you'll going to kick yourself when see it.
- Oh, no.
- Yeah.
It's sort of Ronan Keating.
- No! That doll does not look anything like whoever that man you said he was.
- You don't know who Ronan Keating is? - Ronan Keating, OK.
- Which one is he? - # Life is a roller-coaster.
# - That's him.
- Oh, my God.
Ronan Keating's here, everyone.
- What band was he in? - He was in Boyzone.
- Ah.
- Boyzone.
- And they sound like this.
Life is a roller-coaster.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I didn't actually realise I could do that.
OK, next one.
Bottom left, who do you think that was? No idea.
- A young P Diddy? - Ohh! Yes! I thought it might be George Michael? LAUGHTER - What? Bottom left.
- God rest his soul.
- Bottom left.
Yeah, bottom left, George Michael.
- You know it's the black guy, you know that? - Yeah.
They're supposed to be bad dolls.
I can tell you it is in fact MC Hammer.
- Ohh! - MC Hammer! Of course! All right, next one.
Justin Timberlake! Justin Timberlake! Do you not think that doll looks like his brain's on the outside of his head? - Yeah.
- But so does Justin Timberlake.
Oh, fine.
Well, when you look at this picture, and you're absolutely right it is Justin Timberlake, but this guy's a heart-throb.
That rice is on the boil again.
Rice is on the boil, I like.
And the next day it's the Rice Krispies on the sheets.
OK, I showed you three album covers, that had all been subtly improved.
- Yeah.
- OK, did you get the albums? Are they all greatest hits? They are not all greatest hits.
- We went for One Step Beyond.
- One Step Beyond is absolutely right.
Let's see.
So, that's me.
And this is Madness and their version of that.
OK.
One Step Beyond, so you get a point there.
Then we couldn't get the middle one but we thought it was Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl, was the last one.
Katy Perry It's One Of The Boys by Katy Perry, is the album.
- It's not called I Kissed A Girl? - The single was I Kissed A Girl.
- Oh.
- And then the middle one.
It's Celine, is it Celine? It is Celine Dion.
Did you get the album title? We only got the people, we didn't get any titles.
It's Let's Talk About Love.
So, that's the end of the music round.
Let's take a look at the scores.
I can tell you, bringing up the rear, Big Narstie and Katherine have 12.
David and Frank have 14.
Sandi and Joe have 14.
Join us after the break for more Big Fat fun.
Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz Of Everything.
The next round is all about film and TV.
What's not to love about TV? Hollyoaks, it's Hollyoaks.
- Is that the end of that joke? - Yeah.
- Oh, right.
In Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks plays a backwards simpleton who often wears a red hat and it was so popular in America, some years later, they elected someone similar as President.
In 1960, the film Psycho was released.
My girlfriend always gets really annoyed because whenever she's in the shower, I copy that famous scene from Psycho.
She'll be standing there under the water and secretly, without her knowing, I'll fuck my dead mum.
AUDIENCE GASPS APPLAUSE Thanks, Sandi.
Thanks, appreciate it, thank you.
Thank you very much.
OK, time for some film and TV questions.
Take a look at these short clips from classic movies.
Can you tell me what links them? C-3PO: Ah! FALLING ALIEN SCREAMS DROPPED KNIGHT SCREAMS THROWN CLOWN SCREAMS You saw a thrilling fight scene from Return Of The Jedi, a spectacular epic battle in Gondor from Lord Of The Rings, and Michael Keaton's gothic Batman coolly throwing an evil clown over a railing.
What links those three clips? OK, next question, when Channel 5 News launched on the 31st of March 1997, Kirsty Young did something that was a first on British TV.
What was it? No, she didn't do that on Channel 5 News, Big Narstie.
That would have been newsworthy in and of itself.
Do you know Anthony Perkins doesn't fuck his dead mum in Psycho? That's not what happens.
You know the massive laugh you gave me on that joke? Take it back! He dresses up as his mum and kills people.
- Yeah, but - Unless there's a bit I've missed.
There's a director's cut.
OK, next question.
I love the fact I love the fact - .
.
you couldn't let that go.
- No, I couldn't! I love everything about you, but I love the fact that there's a pedant within you that just, "Well" Also, do you know what? There's also a "ped-ant" that calls it "pedunt".
Unbelievable, unbelievable.
OK.
Next, it's over to a comedy legend, Eric Idle.
Hello, Jimmy.
Now, I've been reminiscing about the Monty Python years while writing my new autobiography, Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life.
And all the amazing things that we achieved, but it's the achievements of another group I want to ask the teams about - The Romans.
Can your teams tell me three things the Romans did for us, according to The Life Of Brian? OK, so what did the Romans do for us? Yeah, yeah, yes! Three things the Romans did for us.
I'll read it out Frank, what were the Romans like? I found them very intrusive.
Take a look at these four shapes.
All I want you to do is tell me what they are.
Couldn't be easier.
Are they the different signs in non-binary toilets? OK, you've all got something? Famous films often have different titles when released in non-English speaking countries, so I'm going to give you four translated titles.
I just want you to tell me what the original films were called.
There's a point for each.
OK, so I need the original title of Mum, I Missed The Plane.
That's the first one.
The Teeth Of The Sea is the second one.
Electronic Murderer.
And Father Bastard.
Father Bastard? That's just a biopic of my dad.
Mum, I Missed The Plane.
The Teeth Of The Sea.
Electronic Murderer.
And Father Bastard.
I got snacks, Narstie, don't worry.
I'm too late.
Can I have the fourth one again? - What was the fourth one, darling? - Shh, shh.
Oh, is Big Narstie sleeping? No, he's not, he's just fabulous.
Yeah! OK, ready for some answers? I showed you three scenes from iconic Hollywood movies and asked you what connected them, what did you all put? - Um, Screaming.
- Screaming.
- Screaming.
- Oh, no! - Good versus evil.
- John Williams we put.
- John Williams, I can tell you, incorrect.
I can tell you good versus evil, incorrect.
Scream, absolutely the right answer.
APPLAUSE Well .
.
I'll tell you, they all feature the same scream - a scream sound effect that has appeared in over 150 films to date.
It's called the Wilhelm scream.
WILHELM SCREAM That's It's called the Wilhelm scream because a character that used it was called Wilhelm and they just kept on using it, it's the best ever scream.
WILHELM SCREAM WILHELM SCREAM REPEATS I think I'm a WILHELM SCREAM Just about to get the clown WILHELM SCREAM WILHELM SCREAM REPEATS APPLAUSE OK.
I asked you what Kirsty Young did for the first time on Channel 5 News in 1997.
Katherine, Big Narstie, what'd you put? WHISPERS: It's our turn.
Big Narstie, you Has he gone to sleep? It's our turn.
- Uh? - Are you all right, Narstie? Yeah, you lot was doing some proper white people joke, I was lost.
OK, let's get on with the quiz, everyone.
OK, so what have you put for this one, Katherine? So, that's Kirsty Young, so what did she do for the first time - on Channel 5 News? - Swore? Yeah, she swore, she went, "This is the fucking news.
" No, she didn't swear.
What was - .
.
Sandi, what do you think? - She stood up.
- It was a huge deal at the time.
- We said stood up as well.
OK, well she read the news standing up.
So points to you, points to you, no points here.
Eric Idle asked you to name three things the Romans did for us.
What did you put? Sanitation, aqueducts, roads.
OK, what did you put, Katherine, Big Narstie? Roman walls, we also had aqueducts and the baths, and then Big Narstie added that they were gay.
That's the Greeks, I think.
- Via the Romans.
- Yeah OK, you've got two.
Sandi, what did you get? We put roads and architecture, we thought we'd cover all of architecture, and then we put coinage, because we couldn't remember what it said in the film.
So, one point, two points, three points.
OK, I asked you what these four shapes were.
Sandi Toksvig, I imagine you got this.
She bloody did as well! It's the aerials from the Teletubbies.
- Is there nothing you don't know?! - We got it, too! - Did you get it as well? - We got it, too, Teletubbies.
- What, Tinky Winky, Laa-Laa and Po? Yeah! OK, you got, you got what, Big Narstie? I thought they were road signs, like, one is yield, the other one's carry on, the other one is there's a highway that, you know the ones that go up in the sky? And then a roundabout.
- Have you got a driving licence? - No.
- Because I'm going to take it away.
I already lost it.
But it wasn't for misreading road signs.
Tinky Winky was the one who was accused of being gay by Jerry Falwell, an evangelical preacher, because he had the triangle on his head, and he was purple, which is apparently a gay colour, and carried a handbag.
- And he was sucking loads of dicks.
- Yeah.
Imagine getting a blowie off Do you know, I'm really trying.
I'm really trying, and I can't.
Do you know what would be lovely? - It would be lovely to have something to hold on to.
- Yeah! A little handrail.
Oh, Tubby custard! APPLAUSE Oh, these people are sick, these people are sick! They are sick, man.
I gave you four translated movie titles.
What were the originals? OK, so the first one was Mum, I Missed The Plane.
- Home Alone.
- Of course, it was Home Alone - Oh - Back in the game.
- OK, so, no point, point, point.
The next one - that was the French title for Home Alone.
- The Teeth Of The Sea, you all got this, right? - Jaws.
- Jaws.
- Jaws.
The French title for Jaws, of course.
Electronic Murderer? AS ARNIE: "Sarah Connor, come with me if you want to live.
" - "Get to the chopper.
" - I'm not Sarah Connor.
- Um, Terminator.
- Terminator.
- Terminator, Terminator of course, - and you put, Joe? - RoboCop.
Was not a murderer.
It was law enforcement.
Yeah, well Justifiable homicide.
- Good point.
- OK, um Father Bastard? I put Daddy Dickhead.
I panicked and I thought that might be a film.
That is a film you should write.
- What did you get, Katherine, Big Narstie? - Bad Santa.
OK, and David, Frank? I thought it was the Father Brown, the popular Kenneth Moore, black and white movie based on the GK Chesterton stories.
- I wish it was that.
- I'll, uh Yeah, yeah, that's the right answer.
- It was called Father Brown, but - What was it? It was Bad Santa, of course.
It was Bad Santa.
You get a point.
APPLAUSE So, points on that, one, four, three.
Whoa, so we're, like, back in the game now.
Time now for a quick bonus round.
We asked one of Britain's most distinguished actors, Charles Dance, to read a selection of film reviews that were all posted online.
All you need to do is work out what films he's talking about.
OK, here's the first one.
Two and a half hours of utter crap.
Basically, two monkeys having a barney over a bone.
Then one of them touches a giant space Kit Kat.
One star.
OK, so which classic of cinema is Charles Dance talking about there? You've all got to write down the answer.
Two monkeys have a barney over a bone OK, right, let's have a look.
See if you got it right.
So you've put You've put what, David and Frank? - 2001: A Space Odyssey.
- OK.
You've gone for? - Planet Of The Apes.
- Planet Of The Apes, and you've gone for? - Yeah, we did Planet Of The Apes as well.
- Yeah, Planet Of The Apes, Planet Of The Apes, and the answer is 2001: A Space Odyssey.
Very nice.
OK, next one, over to Charles Dance.
Modern-day Cinderella with blowjobs instead of slippers.
One star.
I tell you, it's not a panto I'd take my kids to.
OK, let's have a look, see what you got.
Sandi, Joe? - Pretty Woman.
- Pretty Woman.
- That's my favourite film, you know.
Is it?! I used to watch that with my auntie Margaret all the time and that.
That's a powerful film, blud.
Is that why you don't kiss on the mouth? All Pretty Woman, all makes sense.
You don't kiss on the mouth? - Really?! - No, I'm a titty man.
APPLAUSE Oh Oh, Sandi Honest to God, I felt that from here.
I'm so sorry you had to hear that, but you did ask.
- David and Frank, you got? - Pretty Woman.
- You got Pretty Woman, OK.
Katherine, Big Narstie, what did you go for? We went for 50 Shades Of Grey and my life.
No.
OK, it was of course Pretty Woman.
OK, back over to Charles Dance for the next one.
Please note there is no full frontal male nudity to be found here.
But the rear exposure is glorious.
Five stars.
So, no full frontal nudity, but the rear exposure is fantastic.
- OK, have you all got something? - Yes, Jimmy Carr.
- OK, Joe, what have you got? - We wrote down The Full Monty.
The Full Monty.
OK, well, that is disappointing.
You wrote, David and Frank? Well, we wrote that, but I thought it might be Magic Mike.
But we've written Full Monty.
What did you write, Katherine, Big Narstie? We were about to write Full Monty, weren't we? Yeah, then we put Magic Mike.
Well, you were absolutely bloody right to write Magic Mike, it was Magic Mike! APPLAUSE OK, well, let's see how you're doing after that.
In last place, - Katherine and Big Narstie with 19.
- What?! Just ahead, Sandi and Joe with 20.
David and Frank have got 24.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Join us after the break for more Big Fat fun! APPLAUSE Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz Of Everything.
The next round is all about science.
Or as Donald Trump calls it, "fake news bullshit".
LAUGHTER Where would we be without science and technology? Well, modern day Norfolk gives you a pretty good idea.
LAUGHTER The first animal to orbit Earth was Laika the dog.
And it's believed Laika's final thought was "How fucking far did they throw this stick?!" LAUGHTER OK, time for some science questions.
In the 1960s, NASA researcher Margaret Howell Lovett entered into an intimate relationship with a co-worker named Peter.
She was trying to teach him English.
Why was it controversial? Ooh.
Which beauty product was originally derived from a substance found in rotten sausages? Katherine Ryan's specialist area.
- Mmm.
- Rotten sausages.
Rotten sausages! Beauty substance? OK, now it's time to go to a local entrepreneur and Kurupt FM owner, Chabuddy G.
- Yes! - Yes, Chabuddy G! Hi, Jimmy.
Now, I've run several successful businesses in my time, including Chabuddy's Worldwide Internet Cafe, where you could spend hours surfing for all sorts of animal pics.
Not in a weird way.
But, it's one animal in particular I want to ask about.
Can your teams tell me why this dog found internet fame in July 2010? OK so, why did that dog find internet fame? 2010? I don't really like the idea of animals.
I don't like the idea of my cat being an influencer.
I think that's a weird idea.
Like my cat is going to influence other cats to, like, meow for ages to go out and then come straight back in again.
That's going to really piss off lots of other owners.
It'll be fine.
My son, who's six, he's got cat allergy, and a few weeks ago he woke up with quite a heavy cold.
And he said to me, "Do you think maybe I dreamt about a cat?" Aww! What a fucking idiot.
Yeah.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE I don't know where I went wrong.
OK - what profession uses tools of the trade including the brain scoop, artificial tongues, earliners, fleshing balls and the eager beaver table top flasher? I love an eager beaver.
LAUGHTER Sorry, did I say that out loud? Question five, OK.
Time for a say what you see.
I love these, OK, they're very satisfying.
Take a look at these pictures.
And all I want you to do is tell me what moment from the world of science are they spelling out.
You know, you mentioned Laika before, the Russian dog - that went into space? - Oh, yeah.
- You know it died in space? - I didn't.
- It's a sad fact.
Apparently they did that thing of leaving the window just a little bit open at the top.
LAUGHTER OK, let's have some answers, OK.
I asked you what was controversial about NASA scientist Margaret Howell Lovett's intimate relationship with a co-worker.
Big Narstie and Katherine, I'm interested in your answer.
Why did you think her relationship with a co-worker was controversial? He was a black man.
LAUGHTER I'm going to say no.
You putDavid, Frank? Peter was a dolphin, is that right? They've put Yes, but we put dolphin but, it wasn't the fact so much that he was a dolphin, as the nature of their relationship.
What have you written there? I didn't think at any point in my life I'd be writing on a little screen and Sandi Toksvig would lean in and say, "Put in brackets hand jobs.
" LAUGHTER Well, she was absolutely bloody right.
Do take a look.
But, as Peter's urges grew more frequent, the process of transporting him down to the two female dolphins to satisfy him, proved disruptive.
And, Margaret felt the best way of focusing his mind back on the lessons, was to relieve his desires herself, manually.
It was just easier to incorporate that and let it happen.
It was very precious, it was very gentle.
Peter was right there, he knew that I was right there.
Again, it was sexual on his part, it was not sexual on mine, sensuous, perhaps.
It would just become part of what was going on.
Like an itch.
Just get rid of that, we'll scratch it, and we'll be done, move on.
And that's really all it was.
SHE LAUGHS I was there to get to know Peter.
That was part of Peter.
Oh, God! What I was about to say, it was a different time.
Isn't she? Yeah, I mean, you're probably wondering what wanking off a dolphin's got to do with NASA.
Unnh! LAUGHTER What are you two doing? We're celebrating that we got hand jobs .
.
into a show.
It's OK.
Here, do you want one? - Have you brought a hamper? - Yeah, I've got a picnic.
- CORK POPS - Whoo! APPLAUSE Just a couple of basic bitches.
- See? Cheers, darling, well done.
- Cheers.
- You want some? Can I just ask, that is great, but are they going to get more points for hand jobs? Because we did say Peter was a dolphin.
Oh no, you get a point, you get a point.
Yeah, you're all absolutely right.
Surely we get more points for the actual nature of the relationship.
No, because the question was, why was it controversial? It was with a dolphin.
OK, let's have the next question.
Dolphins do apparently assault humans.
Have they got, I wonder what their cocks look like? What does their cock look like? Yeah.
When you think of Flipper, you don't think him with a cock, do you? You think, Flipper.
You know what I mean? He is a mammal, though.
- Joe, what are you opening? - Yeah, what's going on? - We're having a pork pie.
- A pork pie! LAUGHTER Do you want some? I'm probably all right, cos I'm sort of right in the middle of work, but LAUGHTER - Do you want some pork pie? - Yeah, I'd love some.
- Pork? Yes, don't do that.
I've got a basket of treats as well.
Because Big Narstie, I love you so much, I want you to stay focused on the quiz.
I'm not prepared to give you a hand job.
And so instead, I've brought all your favourites.
Did anyone bring anything for grandad and grandad? I'm having some pork pie.
What would you like to eat first? I'm going to smack these Cheetos.
Next question, I'll talk over the unwrapping of food.
I asked you what beauty product was originally derived from the substance found in rotten sausages or possibly Sandi's pork pie.
What did you put? Er, Botox.
And then I put in brackets, "hand jobs".
LAUGHTER OK, I'll give you that, Botox.
David and Frank, you put? - We put Botox.
- Botox.
And Katherine, who knows more about plastic surgery than anyone! Well, you said beauty and, like, then I thought Botox is botulism from cows, I thought they said.
Well, they first got it from rotten sausages.
Hold on.
So, you're telling me there's a girl walking around right now with pork and apple sausages in their face? LAUGHTER Next thing, OK, so you all got - Botox, Botox - Ah, you got it wrong, Katherine.
Who knew?! - I can't believe it.
Chabuddy G wanted to know why this dog found internet fame in July 2010.
What did you put? It's the very first photo on Instagram.
That is absolutely the right answer.
APPLAUSE Brackets! - Brackets, hand job! - Hand job! Well, why not brackets, hand job?! - What did you put, David and Frank? - We got it wrong.
I thought, you know those dogs that say I love you on the internet? They go, "I love you".
LAUGHTER I love you! I thought it might be one of those.
That is a very good impression.
OK, sadly, no.
First-ever picture on Instagram.
What did you put? You put space something.
We thought maybe he went to space.
My daughters between them have hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers and this dog is trash.
OK, Quiz Jenner I asked you what profession uses the following: a brain scoop, artificial tongues, earliners, fleshing balls, and the eager beaver table top flesher.
Did you get it? It's taxidermy.
Taxidermy brackets, "hand jobs".
LAUGHTER OK, finally, there was a say what you see.
What did you all put? We were so close, I think we might have it.
What have you got, Katherine? If you think you're close, what have you got? We definitely knew meteor, dinosaur, and Big Narstie's been sparring a lot in the gym.
So, that one photo we didn't know.
Fight, box We put box - meteor box, dinosaur LAUGHTER Meteor box, dinosaur.
So, when she hits the thing, you thought it was boxing, did you? When it hits it? Oh, the meteor Oh! LAUGHTER OK, what did you put, Sandi? Did you get it? - Meteor strikes dinosaurs.
- Brackets "hand jobs".
Hand jobs.
Right.
But the meteor didn't hit the dinosaurs, did it? It hit the tall ones.
LAUGHTER I wondered if it was a very, very hot day, and one dinosaur said to a crowd, "Let's go and stand in that ever-increasing circle of shade.
LAUGHTER And that's how so many of them got hit.
Meteor hits dinosaurs.
So, points, points, points.
APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, it's now time for a special guest.
Please, will you welcome star of Strictly and This Morning, it's Dr Ranj! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Hello.
- Hello, Dr Ranj.
- How are you? - I'm very well.
So, a little known fact, the last time that Joe and Katherine and I were in the same room, Katherine and I had a selfie with a picture of Joe in a magazine.
- Yep.
- I've still got said magazine.
What magazine was Joe in? It's quite soggy, but I've still got it.
I love you, Ranj.
Tubby custard! I must say, that is quite a fetching bomber you have there, sir.
- Very nice.
- Thank you.
- I know brown person said bomber, don't panic.
LAUGHTER Quite good! - OK now, you've got a question for our teams? - I do.
Science round.
Dr, come on, question.
OK, so, as a doctor, I need to know a lot about the human body and how it works.
Well, at least until Google came along.
So, on each of your models, I need you to locate two muscles and a bone.
Steady! LAUGHTER The two muscles that I would like you to identify are the rectus abdominus.
Yep The humerus and, finally, the rhomboids.
OK, so, jump up, grab a pen, they've got pens on them, and you can just write on the models.
OK, so, the first one is the - Rectus abdominus.
- Rectus abdominus.
So, draw the rectus abdominus wherever you think the rectus, and try and spell rectus abdominus while you're at it, why not? Where did you get these outfits from? Where do I get them? From my own personal collection.
I'm going to have to hurry you up on this.
They all look like diseased sperm.
OK, so, Dr Ranj, talk us through it.
What was the first one you wanted? Rectus abdominus.
And where is the rectus abdominus? Show us.
You know what? You actually got it right.
It is these two muscles.
It's your abdominal muscles, your six-pack or barrel.
- OK, how did they do? - They should get a point.
It's kind of - Cos we - OK, you're in the right area.
And what about these guys? - A, B.
- OK, and then what was the second thing? Er, humerus.
Humerus.
Where was the humerus? We thought the humerus was just here.
That is a humorous place to point.
There's no going away from it.
- OK, where did you think the humerus was? - Boom-boom! - You thought it was the funny bone? - And, you guys Oh, smart, that's smart.
Just there.
It's actually the bone that joins the shoulder to your elbow.
So, it's that bit.
So we don't get it for that? I don't think that's right.
I mean, it's The Big Fat Quiz Of Everything, I mean, it's not the final medical exam.
They're not going to go into practice off the back of this.
- I think we could probably say the elbow is where it starts.
- Yeah.
And give them the point, Doctor.
- OK, and then what was the last thing? - It's your rhomboids.
Now, this is actually quite difficult because - Is that completely wrong? - That's totally wrong.
- OK.
Your rhomboids are actually two sets of deep muscles that run from your spinal column to the edge of your scapula.
So, they are just here and just here.
Are they on your shoulder? Just behind your shoulder.
No, no points there for the front? Oh no, they're at the back.
No, we've done an arrow there to point all the way up to where the rhomboids are.
OK, so, the point, at the end of that, so you get one point, two points, two points.
- That's that.
- That's it, OK.
APPLAUSE All right, well, sit down.
OK, let's see what that's done to the scores.
I can tell you that Katherine and Big Narstie have 22, Sandi and Joe have 26, and David and Frank have 30.
APPLAUSE We're going to take a short break, while I get Dr Ranj to look at this rash.
See you in a few! Thank you very much for coming in.
Welcome back to The Big Fat Quiz Of Everything.
The next round is all about people.
People are amazing.
So much so that I've asked Geppetto to turn me into one.
Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle website, Goop, recommended women steam-clean their vaginas.
No wonder Chris Martin left her.
He was trying to use that kettle to make a cup of tea.
OK, time for some more big fat questions.
OK, they're all about people this time.
For the first one, it's over to Basil Brush.
Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, Mr Jimmy! Basil Brush here.
Now, I'm known for being a sophisticated gentleman about town.
But it's another classy gent I want to talk about.
James Bond actor Pierce Brosnan was widely reported to be banned from doing something during his tenure in the iconic role.
Can your teams tell me what it was? Boom, boom, everybody! OK, so you'll be able to work this out.
What's the question? Pierce Brosnan was not allowed He wasn't allowed to do a very specific thing the whole time - he played Bond.
- Acting.
OK, take a look at these three musicians.
I want to know what links them all.
It's Michelle Stephenson, Dick Evans and Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy.
What links those musicians? They're all white.
One of them's quite orangey.
OK.
Kim Kardashian Someone's perked up! Yes.
My favourite .
.
I mean, my middle daughter.
Your favourite, OK.
Kim Kardashian is Hollywood royalty, no doubt.
Can you tell me who her godfather is? Yep.
Yes This woman here is a Kardashian? - That's Kim Kardashian.
- That's Kim Well, hello! No, Sandi.
- Just above there is her face.
- Oh, I see! Wow! I think Sandi just motorboated.
What a wonderful thing! Gary Kremen invented something that directly resulted in his girlfriend leaving him.
What was it? Just write it down if you think you've got the answer.
Write it down.
What did he invent? That's me with a porn addiction, I think.
I've genuinely not seen porn.
Swear.
- Ever? - Ever.
So you been in more porn than you've seen? Yeah, that's why I can't watch it.
I don't want to meet my real dad that way.
And, finally, whose feet are these? It's our Quentin Tarantino question.
Whose feet are these? It's that, isn't it? Do you think? Do you know? OK, are you ready for some big fat answers? Basil Brush wanted to know what Pierce Brosnan was not allowed to do while he was Bond.
What did you put? Drink gin, we thought.
Drink gin? Cos he have to drink vodka the whole time.
OK.
- It's a pretty good answer.
- That's a no, though, isn't it? What did you put, David, Frank? We didn't know.
I thought he might not be allowed to have a tattoo because he has to appears sort of nakedish.
It's another good answer.
It's a very good thought.
It's not right.
Katherine, Big Narstie? Smoke.
We thought perhaps he wasn't allowed to go to casinos.
Oh, God, I'm tempted to give you that.
He wasn't allowed to wear tuxedos in other films.
Why were you tempted to give me that? Casinos kind of felt like Just because YOU wear tuxedos to a casino, the people in MY town don't even put pants on.
So, no points there.
OK, so I asked you what linked Michelle Stephenson, Dick Evans and Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy.
What did you put? I just thought they looked like very similar people and thought maybe they're the same person.
It's a great answer.
I mean, would that it were true.
No.
What did you get? Big Narstie, you're in the music business.
I don't know these people.
OK, no-one's accusing you of anything.
- David, Frank? - Well, I think I don't really know about the first two, but Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy, I think, was originally a member of Duran Duran.
So, I think they're all in famous bands, but not the famous people in them originally.
That's exactly the right answer.
Yeah.
I can tell you that Stephen "Tin Tin" Duffy was replaced by Simon Le Bon in Duran Duran.
- Michelle Stephenson was replaced by Emma Bunton in The Spice Girls.
- Oh, no! And then Dick Evans was an early member of U2.
- Oh, blimey! - What does Dick do now? I imagine U2's laundry.
I don't know, he's The Edge's brother.
I think he's still connected to the band.
- Can I tell you a story about The Edge? - Yeah.
I met him once.
- A long time ago.
- It's not a great story.
It's not the end of the story.
And I was with a woman I was going out with at the time who didn't know much about pop music.
And he came up at this party and said, hello, I'm The Edge.
Right? And she went, pardon? Which you might, really.
And he went really red and he said, I'm The Edge.
And she said, sorry, what was your name again? And he went really, really red and said, my real name is whatever it is, David Evans, but people call me The Edge.
And it was kind of really weird.
No-one ever asked him before that his name is like an abstract concept, it's not really a name.
No-one had pointed that out.
So I kind of pushed her away and said, this is embarrassing, Sarah, which was her name, do you really not know who that was? And she said, no, I think I do now.
But what I thought he was saying was that his name was Reg.
OK.
I asked you who was Kim Kardashian's godfather.
- Joe, Sandi? - Donald Trump, we've put.
Because I don't know who these people are in the first place.
So who their godparents are was a mystery to me.
It's a bloody good guess.
I imagine he knew them back in the day.
I think there's photographs of them together.
But it's not Donald Trump.
Let's give this one to Katherine Ryan because she deserves it.
Oh, my gosh! I misunderstood the question, I thought you said father.
Yeah, yeah! I thought Michael Jackson.
Then my associate, Big Narstie, said it's OJ Simpson.
- So we put OJ Simpson.
- You got this wrong? You got the botox question wrong! Who are you? I feel like I don't even know you any more.
I'm Quiz Jenner.
Is it not Michael Jackson or OJ Simpson? OK, it is Orenthal J Simpson.
Oh, good.
You got it! That's the right answer.
And that's the right answer as well, Frank and David.
Did we get it? OJ Simpson is the godfather.
You know, a godfather is meant to guide you morally through life.
A great choice, people, great choice.
OK, this round not going brilliantly for Sandi and Joe.
Oh, yeah, why don't you rub it in, prick? I asked you what Gary Kremen invented that directly led to his girlfriend leaving him.
Joe Lycett, did you get the answer? We thought maybe Well, I thought specifically PornHub.
But Sandi thought maybe internet porn.
Internet porn is not quite the right answer.
Katherine, Big Narstie? - A vibrator.
- A sex toy.
You think he invented a sex toy? That is not the right answer.
But, again, good answer.
- I know the answer to this.
- David and Frank? - It's funny, I think.
He invented Match.
com, didn't he? And brilliantly his girlfriend then went on Match.
com and found another boyfriend.
That's absolutely right.
Brilliant.
I showed you a photo of a pair of feet.
All I want to know is, whose feet? Libertas.
- The Statue of Liberty.
- The Statue of Liberty.
Libertas! I mean, that's a very classy way of getting the answer absolutely right.
David and Frank? Yeah, I was at the Statue of Liberty two weeks ago, and it's the first time I ever realised that one of the feet is slightly raised.
Oh, no, she's walking forward.
To liberty, carrying the torch.
Katherine, Big Narstie, you thought it was? Julius Caesar.
Move on with the quiz, please.
OK.
Time for another quick bonus round.
This is the part of the show where I introduce two mystery guests.
All you have to do is work out who they are and why they might be noteworthy.
However, you can only ask them yes and no questions.
Please welcome our mystery guests.
Nice to see you.
Very good to see you.
I would say hello and ask you a few questions.
But obviously I can't because you're mystery guests.
You can only ask them yes or no questions.
As soon as you think you've got it, write down the answer, and we'll move on.
Are you married? Yes.
To each other? Yes.
Were you involved in a news story together? - Yes.
- Are you swingers? Not yetyes, no.
They are not famous for being swingers.
Was the news story in the last 12 months? - No.
- In the last five years? - No.
- Did it relate to your marriage? Yes.
Was it ten years ago? - No.
- Nine? - No.
- Eight? Seven, six? - More than.
- 20 years ago? - More than.
What?! Have you been married since you were two? Thank you.
Are you more closely related than married couples ought to be? - Great question.
- Thank you.
No.
Was it 30 years ago? When was it?! - Was it 30 years ago? - No.
More than 30 years ago? Was it when you were born? Oh, what fucking year was it? She's going to ask forever.
OK, I'm going to give you a clue here.
They're married, that's a huge part of it.
And how they got married is a big part of it.
It was more of a first.
So you were the first people to do a particular ceremony? Yes.
You got married on TV? Yes.
Round of applause? No? OK.
You need to be more specific than that.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Pipe down! Did you meet through a game show? - Yes.
- OK, write down your answers.
Cos that's all you're getting.
OK, we've all got answers? Tell us, who are you? We are the first couple to get married having met on Blind Date.
Well done.
Let's have a look and see whether you got the answer to that.
OK, so Blind Date.
Sandi and Joe, you got it.
Katherine, Big Narstie, what did you put? - Live TV.
- The first person to be married on live TV? You're close, but you don't get a point for that.
David and Frank? First Blind Date marriage.
OK, well done.
Before we chat to you, shall we have a look at you in your glory? Take a look.
I often work as a Tarzanagram in the evenings to get some extra It's true.
How would this affect our relationship? Well, that would suit me fine, actually, cos I work several nights a week as a kissagram.
We might even go into business together.
Anyway, you'd soon get fed up cos, once you got to know me, you'd want to spend every evening in with me.
Well, I never! It's time to choose now.
Who are you going for? Number two.
Sue from the West Midlands.
Come in, Sue! Come on, tell us, first impressions.
Well, she's lovely.
- Very nice.
- Very nice.
And she still is! Aw, you're so sweet! You got married off the back of meeting on Blind Date.
How many years have you been married now? - Was Cilla at the wedding? - Oh, yes.
Along with 17 million people who watched it.
Is that more than the last royal wedding? - I think it was.
- Yeah.
It was.
- That's kind of amazing! - The ratings for the year.
- Yeah.
Let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.
Katherine and Big Narstie have got 23.
Sandi and Joe have got 28.
In the lead, David and Frank with 35.
We're going to take another short break.
Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand for Alex and Sue! Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.
The next round is all about places.
There are all kinds of places in the UK you can visit and have a nice time.
And, if you don't fancy that, you can always go to Middlesbrough.
LAUGHTER Stonehenge is amazing.
It commemorates a time, thousands of years ago, when several ancient Druids got together and thought, "We need something to go with this gift shop and car park.
" LAUGHTER There's actually very little you can tell me about Ancient Greece, because I'm not interested and I won't bother listening.
OK, time for some more questions.
Why might owning a guinea pig land you in trouble with the law in Switzerland? - Owning a guinea pig? - Yeah, owning a guinea pig.
All right, second question here - have a look at this photo of the Zerao Stadium in Brazil.
What's unusual about the halfway line? It's in Brazil.
What's unusual about it, OK? Take a close look at this picture of Paris - what's unusual about it? Oh, yeah, OK, let's do that.
OK? Now we go over to Radio 1 DJ Clara Amfo.
Hi, Jimmy.
Now, I'm often surrounded by stars in the Live Lounge, but it's an entirely different type of astronomical body I want to ask you about - the moon.
The moon has got 22 seas, but can you name three of them? So, name three seas on the moon.
You can all name one, and that is it.
- We can all name one sea on the moon?! - Yeah, we can all name one.
There's one really famous one.
LAUGHTER Finally, time for another "say what you see".
A very satisfying "say what you see".
It's to do with places.
Which famous event in exploration history is being spelled out here? OK.
Let's go to some answers.
I asked you why owning a guinea pig in Switzerland might land you in trouble.
What did you put, Sandy? - We put they're illegal, but we couldn't think why.
- Ah.
THEY are not illegal.
I think it's illegal You have to have two, otherwise it's considered cruel because they are, they'll get lonely.
- What did you put? - Because you need a pair.
That's the right answer, that's the right answer, for the right reason.
APPLAUSE I mean, technically, it's illegal to have one.
You can't have one you've got to have a pair.
OK.
Next question - I showed you a picture of a football pitch in Brazil.
I asked you what was weird about the halfway line - what did you put? That halfway line is not halfway.
OK, that's not the right answer.
I guessed it was on two different hemispheres, and then Frank extrapolated from that that the line - is on the equator.
- Ooh! 100% right.
APPLAUSE I think, Sandy and Joe, I think you've got this as well.
- But you put it in a very nice way, as you do.
- Zero latitude.
- Yes.
- Correct.
All right, I showed you a picture of Paris, I asked you what was unusual about it.
- What did you put? - It's not in France.
- It's not in France, you said? - It is in Japan.
- And you said? - We said it's a model.
It's a tiny model taken from a funny angle.
It's not a model, it is a real place.
"In Japan" is not the right answer.
It's not in France, I've got to give you that.
It's actually in China.
Can I say, the least impressive plaque I've ever seen was on Blackpool Tower, where it says "Blackpool Tower, "the 122nd tallest free-standing tower in the world.
" APPLAUSE Clara Amfo asked you to name three seas on the moon, what have you got? We could only think of the really famous one, Mare Tranquillitatis.
The Sea of tranquillity, vitamin C and CBeebies.
LAUGHTER - Those are the most famous Cs.
- Yup.
OK, Katherine, what did you put? - INDISTINC - Big Narstie knew that one.
- Taurus, Goa, Belmo and Xavier.
- LAUGHTER As guesses go, they are great guesses.
Dave and Frank.
Well, we knew Tranquillity, and I had an idea that was a kind of a theme, that they all sounded a bit like that, so we went for Serenity and Sincerity.
LAUGHTER Well, two of those are right.
- Wow! - Not Sincerity, there is no Sea of Sincerity.
Is there actually, like, warm water on the moon? It's a good question.
I don't know the answer.
Are there actually - No, there's no water, is there? - No.
What you mean, a good question? - There's no water on the moon! - LAUGHTER - Well that's where we got tripped up.
- Why's it got a sea, then? - I mean, it's - It's a fucking mind-fuck, man! - LAUGHTER You could have had the Sea of Tranquillity, Sea of Clouds, Sea of Moisture, the Sea of Showers and the Sea of Cleverness.
There's a fucking sea of no fucking water, you mean! LAUGHTER And of course, and of course the Fucking Sea of No Fucking Water.
Finally, we had a "say what you see".
- Did you all get this? - Yup.
- yes.
- It was of course Captain Scott's Arctic expedition.
- Oh, no! - Antarctic.
Yeah, Captain Scott's Antarctic expedition.
- Oh, you got it, though! - Yeah, we almost got it.
We had Magacan.
- Magacan, Scott, Arctic.
- Scott.
- What was that? What was your first word? - Mega-can.
Because that is a Make America Great Again cap.
MAGA can?! How did you get MAGA can?! - I thought it was, like - Cap, tin.
- Do you know what's crazy about us? It's that - This is your answers! No! We were able to get MAGA can?! LAUGHTER Like, what's going on?! If we can figure out Antarctic expedition and then Did you think MAGA can was the first person to go - to the North Pole? - It sounds like Madagascar, though.
- LAUGHTER OK.
Points to Sandy and Joe.
Point to David and Frank.
Now, I'm going to point something out because I think someone will notice it on the telly.
Which is, we got it wrong.
We've said Captain Scott's Arctic expedition.
Not Antarctic.
- Oh, that's Oh, hang on.
- Yes.
And it makes a big difference, because you said North Pole and it's South pole.
- It's the wrong pole.
- Yeah.
OK, well, just points to Sandy and Joe there.
- You said expiration, not expedition, but we are going to give you the point.
- Thank you.
Hang on a sec.
We're not going to get any points just because we missed out one syllable.
- We were in the right fucking part of the world! - Hang on.
Hang on, hang on.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE There's been athere's been a steward's inquiry.
Points for Sandy and Joe, points for David and Frank.
No points for Katherine and Big Narstie.
No, no, no, but we also had Antarctic expedition and Scott, - which was the captain's name.
- Yeah, MAGA-can! LAUGHTER Time now for another bonus question.
It's time to welcome a special guest - its First Dates barman, Merlin Griffith.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Hey Merlin.
- Hey, how are you doing, Jimmy? - Very good to see you.
- Thank you for having me.
- I believe you have a question for these good people.
I do.
Our question today, excuse me, I will need some glasses Yeah, just in case you thought he wasn't sexy enough, he puts on the glasses.
- A bit of swagger.
Oh yeah.
- Like Superman.
- Go on, Merlin.
So, I'm going to make three classic cocktails, talking you through the ingredients as I make each one.
All I need you to do is write down the names of the cocktails - I've made.
- OK, make some drinks.
- I will.
So, the first drink, we've got a little vodka, a littlewhat is that? White rum.
Vodka and rum.
We have tequila and gin.
- And a little triple sec.
- Right.
A little lemon juice.
- Yeah, because you don't want it to be too alcoholic.
- No.
Take all the edge off, that lemon juice.
So, rum, gin, tequila, vodka, triple sec, lemon juice.
And cola.
And that gives us our first cocktail.
OK, I mean, that is So, write down what you think that might be.
Write down that one.
- Right.
OK, there's your first one.
- OK, so that's the first one.
Lovely.
- Here you go.
- Do you want to try, Joe? Any interest? - Yeah, always.
- Right, perfect.
Enjoy.
- It's that good time of night.
Yeah, that should be delicious.
OK, so, the next one.
Lovely.
Next one's going to have rum .
.
some lime, a little mint, a touch of sugar.
Rum, lime, mint, sugar.
- A little soda water.
- Soda water.
- Ooh, ooh, ooh! - LAUGHTER - We're in a nightclub, baby.
- LAUGHTER Hey what's your name, good-looking? - Let's have that, I'll dish this out.
- Thank you very much.
- Katherine, care for one of these? - Yes, please.
- Take the edge off your day.
- Lastly - OK, lastly.
- .
.
we have, whisky, a lot of.
- Oh, yeah.
- Lemon juice.
- Whisky, lemon juice.
- Again, touch of sugar.
- Little bit of sugar.
- An egg white.
Fucking hell! And a little bitters.
So, Angostura Bitters.
And there you have it.
I mean, this is beautifully done.
Close your eyes and you're at a Magaluf sex party.
LAUGHTER I'll taste that, that looks all right.
Egg white and this is And how did you get salmonella? Fun story.
LAUGHTER So in that is, whisky, egg white - Oh! - Lemon, sugar, bitters.
- Good one.
- Tell you what, that's nice.
Do you want to try it? - Yes, please.
- It's pretty, pretty bloody great.
- Get them all over here.
LAUGHTER - Delicious.
- Ooh! I just got an electric shock off you.
You ARE a robot.
LAUGHTER OK.
Well, let's see if they got them right.
OK.
So, the first one was - what was the ingredients again? Vodka, gin, tequila, triple sec, rum, lemon, and - absolutely right there.
One, two, three, Long Island iced tea.
Long Island iced tea.
OK.
APPLAUSE - And our next one was? - Rum, lime, mint, sugar, soda.
- And that was? - A mojito.
- We've got yes, yes - Yes.
- .
.
and We put sex on the beach because we thought it'd be something like that.
Like, slow comfortable screw - which is a stupid name anyway, because really, you could call it like, a fast, awkward, mess.
LAUGHTER OK.
And the last one was? And, our last one was a whisky sour.
Which was a bourbon, and lemon juice and an egg white, sugar and a touch of bitters.
OK.
So, Sandy and Joe got that.
Dave and Frank got that.
And Katherine and Big Narstie didn't.
- We had no idea.
- What did you think it was? - We just made up a name.
Because Big Narstie's heard of it before.
He said it was fancy so, we called it a fancy slice.
However - A fancy slice? - Yeah, we didn't know what it was.
Let's take a look and see what that's done to the scores.
OK, we've got - well, in last place by some margin, Katherine and Big Narstie have 26 points.
Sandy and Joe have 35.
Frank and David, 41 points - way out in the lead.
APPLAUSE We're going to take a short break to enjoy our cocktails.
But one more time, big hand for Merlin Griffiths, thank you.
APPLAUSE APPLAUSE Welcome back to the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.
Our next round is pot luck.
Yes, it's time to shove our junk through the glory hole of chance and see what gives it a suck.
We use a lot of German words in English.
Although, if they'd had their way in the 1940s, we'd be using all of them.
OK, time for our last set of questions.
SCUBA, LASER and TASER are all acronyms.
- What do they stand for? - Oh, no.
So, you've got to squeeze them all in.
SCUBA, LASER and TASER.
Sandi and I don't want to play any more because we've got out an indoor croquet set.
Playing croquet.
For our next question, it's over to boyband heart-throbs, Boyzone.
- How're you, Jimmy? - Hi, Jimmy! It's great to be back on the road with our 25th anniversary tour.
We got together way back in 1993, but can your teams remember which worldwide '90s craze launched the very same year, bringing us .
.
Legs the Frog, Squeal the Pig, Digger the Crab .
.
Chilly the Polar Bear, and Splash the Whale? SINGS IN IRISH ACCENT: # Life is a roller-coaster Let's start to ride it .
LAUGHTER Snap, Crackle, and Pop first appeared in adverts for Rice Krispies in 1933.
But, in the 1950s, a fourth member was very briefly added to the group.
Can you name him? Precum.
LAUGHTER I have no idea.
The nursery rhyme There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed A Fly details the tragic fallout from a woman accidentally swallowing a fly, but what finished her off? Couldn't be simpler.
What household product had a number of original uses, including foot cleaning, floor scrubbing and treating gonorrhoea? Oh, Frank knows.
All right, let's get some answers.
The acronym SCUBA, LASER, TASER what do they stand for? Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Correct.
Lights Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
Correct.
And, I think, I couldn't quite remember, Thomas A Swift's Electric Rifle.
Perfect.
Three for three.
APPLAUSE I'd like to ask the semi-literate David Baddiel and Frank Skinner what they scribbled.
We wrote Single Canister on Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
Then we had a breakdown and we just wrote "light ant".
No.
Um, Katherine, Big Narstie, what have you got? Sussex and Cambridge Uni Bitches, Ayyyy.
Ayyyy! That's the one! It's not that - that was their second choice in the ideas meeting.
And what about LASER? - Yeah.
- Light Arrow Stun Energy Reaction.
And then Tactical Arrow Stun Energy Reach.
No, that is incorrect.
So, you get all the points there, Sandi and Joe.
Well done.
APPLAUSE Yes! OK, now, Boyzone asked you about a craze that started in 1993, it was huge.
What did you put, David? - We didn't put anything for this.
- OK.
What did you put, Sandi, Joe? We thought it was dance, some kind of dancing.
A dance craze.
Something really crazy that the kids were all doing.
Splash the Whale sounds a bit like a blokey euphemism for having a piss.
But it wasn't that.
Sadly, no.
What did you get? Well, first we put "Brian McFadden respek".
He was not asked to rejoin the band.
- I think he was in Westlife, wasn't he? - OK.
LAUGHTER So, I could see why Boyzone wouldn't ask him to join their band, because he was in a different band.
- Yeah, that's a fair point - Mrs Maggacan.
OK.
All right.
And then we thought it was .
.
is it Pogs? I can tell you the answer is Legs the Frog, Squealer the Pig, Digger the Crab, Chilly the Polar Bear, Splash the Whale - all Beanie Babies.
Fuck! I should have known that.
You're genuinely upset at your performance this evening.
I was trying really hard.
I asked you to name the fourth character added to Snap, Crackle and Pop.
We put Puff, because we thought it sounded good.
LAUGHTER What did you write? - I've got Tingle, I've got Tingle.
- Tingle? Snap, Crackle, Pop, Tingle? No, Tingle, Snap, Crackle and Pop.
Oh.
It's wrong, but it's wrong earlier.
OK.
OK.
And what did you write? We had a long discussion about this.
And I Because I'm a bit tired, I wrote Snap, as if it were Snap, Crackle, Pop and Snap again, which is obviously wrong.
- Double Snap.
- Wasn't happy with that.
- Yeah, then - But we thought Puff as well.
Take a look at this.
- # You know Snap, Crackle and Pop - And how! # Well, they've got a buddy by the name of Pow # Pow means power and power's nice Rice Krispies - power from whole grain rice.
I said Pow.
I said Pow, but I crossed it out.
- You said Pow, but crossed it out? - Yeah, you can see it.
You can see it, I said Pow.
Yeah, it makes sense - he was the only one alive at that age.
Flipping hell.
I asked you what finished off the old lady that swallowed a fly.
A swallowed horse.
- Of course.
- What?! You're not familiar with the story? It was a huge story at the time.
- There was an old lady that swallowed a fly.
- I'm fucking black.
You keep telling me this crazy stuff, about horses and flies.
Why don't you tell me something about Bob Marley, yeah? Big Narstie, I take your point, but there was an old woman who swallowed a fly, right? And then, cos she swallowed a fly, she then swallowed a spider to get the fly.
Then she swallowed a bird.
Yeah, then To get the spider, because, obviously, that was a problem, and then she swallowed a cat to get the bird.
And it was going well, cos then she got a dog to go after the cat.
I think the mistake was the next one, cos she got a cow to go after the dog.
- Which, famously, cows don't really eat dogs.
- Ridiculous! But then to get the cow out, she had what? What are you going to choose, right? So, no-one phoned the RSPCA? What's going on? LAUGHTER - Well, they should have, because she swallowed a horse.
- Yeah.
- She died of course.
- She's the baddest.
She's the baddest.
OK.
Did you, David and Frank, you got this? Everyone got this.
Points all around.
OK.
APPLAUSE Finally, I asked you what product could be used to clean your feet or your floor, or treat gonorrhoea? OK, now, Katherine, you were very confident you got this, what was it? Vinegar.
And then, Robitussin as well, Big Narstie said.
OK, well both, wrong.
Yeah, oh.
David, Frank, you put vinegar? We put vinegar as well.
Is vinegar wrong? It is wrong, the answer is Sandi? Listerine.
Listerine, yes.
What? What? Mouthwash? Well, the mouthwash came later.
So, you put mouthwash on your cock? You can put mouthwash on your dingle down.
That'd burn, wouldn't it? That'd fucking burn.
Makes you wonder how they discovered it worked as a mouthwash when it had been a gonorrhoea treatment previously.
LAUGHTER I imagine whoever owned the company was having a hell of a weekend.
I've got one more question.
It's time for our final Big Fat Question.
I'm incredibly excited.
We're joined by Hollywood royalty.
Some of the biggest stars in the world are here tonight.
Please welcome our very special guests.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I mean, if you squint a bit Yeah, that's really good, really good! OK, so, here's my question.
So, these are all huge Hollywood blockbuster stars.
We've got Tom Hanks.
I believe anyone in that outfit looks as much like Tom Hanks as you.
Will Smith, the glasses doing a lot of the heavy lifting there.
Robert Downey Jr, Emma Watson, Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson.
The Pebble, more the Pebble than the Rock.
And Julia Roberts.
So, between them, these stars have all grossed billions at the worldwide box office.
All you've got to do is put them in order from the most bankable to the least bankable.
So, we're only counting films where they played the lead or joint lead.
Who brought in the most cash at the box office? Two points for each correct answer, and ten points if you get the order right.
MURMURING Oh, a lot of murmuring, it's a good question.
Can I do my quote from Harry Potter? - Yes.
- Yeah, sure.
AS DRACO MALFOY: Scared, Potter? - He the man.
He's the man.
- Very good.
Any other terrible impressions? # Here comes the men in black! Galaxy defenders! Can you do the dance? Can you do, "Just bounce with me, just bounce with me, "just bounce with me, come on"? Yeah! Take a walk with me.
Mmm, yeah.
APPLAUSE OK, so, let's put them in order.
So, what have you got, David, Frank? We've got Hank, Smith, Rock, Downey Jr, Roberts, Watson.
OK.
Katherine, Big Narstie, what have you got? We think Harry Potter films have grossed loads.
And so we've got Emma Watson, Will Smith, Tom Hanks, Robert Downey Jr, the Rock, Julia Roberts.
OK.
And then, Sandi, Joe, what have you got? We think Robert Downey might be the highest grossing.
Then Will Smith, Tom Hanks, Julia Roberts, the Rock, and Hermione.
AS DRACO MALFOY: Scared, Potter? I like that a lot.
OK, well, put yourselves in order.
So, closest to me would be the highest grossing.
KATHERINE: Wow, wow, no! JOE: Roberts.
KATHERINE: Two So, in reverse order - so, we have Julia Roberts, 5.
2 billion.
Will Smith, 6.
8 million.
The Rock, 7.
6 billion.
Emma Watson, 9 billion.
Tom Hanks, 9.
5 billion.
Robert Downey Jr, 11.
3 billion, at the box office.
APPLAUSE OK, so, one point there, one point there.
You managed to not get any of those right.
Just think what a great round that would've been if you had the real people.
Yeah! To make them stand in order of Brilliant! What about if we do it? Jimmy will win.
Let's have a look and see what that's done to the scores.
I can tell you that in last place, deservedly so, we have Big Narstie and Katherine Ryan with 29 points.
And we have joint winners, Sandi Toksvig and Joe Lycett have 42.
Frank Skinner, David Baddiel have 42.
You're joint winners of the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm going to put this - Do we fight for it? - Yeah, you can fight for it.
Jump up, jump up.
You've all won a prize.
You're joint winners of the Big Fat Quiz of Everything.
Well, that's it, a big thank you to our panel, our special guests and thank you for watching.
I'm Jimmy Carr.
This has been the Big Fat Quiz of Everything, goodnight! APPLAUSE AND CHEERING