The Persuaders (1971) s01e17 Episode Script

It's me.
Daniel, please take me back to the station.
I wish to go back to London.
I'm not taking you to the station.
You're staying with me.
I don't care how good your surprise is, nothing's worth a trip like this.
You're getting soft.
Living in London is makin' you a softie.
The surprise I'm gonna show you will knock your eyes out.
You've shaken them loose already.
I'm not complaining, but, er why have we stopped? Close your eyes.
Close your eyes, watch your head getting out.
Now.
You can open 'em now.
Look.
Beautiful.
- Is that it? - Oh, that's it.
- Well, what is it? - That's my little piece of England.
My country cottage.
It's beautiful, isn't it? You actually bought it? Well, I really stole it, you know.
$20,000, it was like highway robbery.
It certainly was.
Come on, I'll drive you up to the ranch.
You're gonna love it! I'm gonna raise cattle, chickens, girls, corn - Oil? bread, whisky, horses, chickens.
Beautiful.
Isn't it beautiful? Needs a little work, I think.
I'm gonna fix the shingles on the roof.
- Is all this quarter-acre yours? - Yeah, it's mine.
I'm gonna paint it a little bit, the barn needs new slats, and there's a couple of screws loose.
- Yes, there certainly are.
- What? - I said it has great potential.
- Oh, it has.
You wouldn't believe there hasn't been anybody in it for 20 years.
I'll get that fixed.
I think what I should do - You've taken care of the well.
- I haven't touched that.
- Have you got a penny? - Yeah, right.
- I should - Any particular wish? To the both of us.
Water! Come on.
You're gonna love it.
I'll walk.
Come on.
The back is really nice.
It's got a real - Mind your head, Daniel! - It's got an old-fashioned stove.
I'm gonna fix that.
This is the bathroom.
I mean, the entry hall.
Come here.
This is the room that's gonna be the most beautiful.
Look at that, huh? Come on in.
Take a look at it.
They don't build houses like these any more.
- I'll fix that.
- They certainly don't, Daniel.
Now, at this wall, there's gonna be books.
All books.
Little hi-fi in the corner, lazy Susan, television set, couch there.
Down here, another couch.
Big couch, lot of pillows.
- You know what this is? - What? - That's a fireplace.
- Really? I'm gonna get a big leather chair here.
In the wintertime, I'm gonna sit here with my old faithful dog at my side.
- You don't have a dog.
- Then I'll rent one.
I've decided, this is the place to be right now.
- I've got to show you upstairs.
- There's more?! Oak beams, I got oak beams in the bathroom.
Oak beams? I can't wait.
Come up, come on.
Look at this woodwork.
Country craftsmanship.
They don't make this kind of work any more.
No.
You're trespassin'.
This house is private property.
Are you some kind of vandal? What's with that axe? You could have damaged this.
You're trespassin'.
This is private I'll say it's private property - MY private property! - Every stick and stone.
- And that includes the dry rot.
Right! Now you take your axe out of here and beat it, wise guy! - My squire said to get rid of you.
- I don't care.
- I can prove that this is my house.
- It's the squire's house.
It's not the squire's house! - He's not gonna like this.
- I don't care.
- Watch the wall! It's my house! - Squire won't like Get outta here! An Englishman's home is his castle! - And that includes Americans.
- Right! I'm not gonna live with that guy busting in here.
You'll find that country people can be a little cool at times.
Cool, huh? Well, they can be as cool as they like, because I'm staying.
- Please, upstairs.
- After you.
Thank you.
Upstairs is gonna be just Uh I forgot to tell you, those steps are a little shaky.
Yes.
Well? - Well, did you get rid of them? - No, Squire.
You had my orders.
Go back and throw them out.
But Squire, he's got papers.
He says - Papers? that he bought the house.
- That he's the new owner.
- Bought it? Now, that's something I hadn't taken into consideration.
- Well, what do you think? - What do I think? I'll tell you what I think, Daniel.
I think it has a lot of character.
- Right.
- Give the builders a couple of years and you'll have a fine place.
Builders? I'm not having anybody in.
I'm gonna do it myself.
- You? - I'm gonna do everything.
Mind the step there.
I'm gonna paint it, fix up the walls, the steps, everything.
I should think so, but I really do believe this is a job for an expert.
How do you get to be an expert? By doing things, right? Come on.
Help me unload the truck.
I'm staying here tonight.
I got a camp bed for you.
A camp bed, for me? That's terribly decent of you, Daniel, but I think I'll go to the village and take a room in the pub.
If you wanna wait a minute, I'll, er I'll let you take the truck.
Oh, no, I'll walk.
The exercise will do me good.
I'll drop in from time to time.
See you later, pal.
Have a nice walk! I need a plasterer.
- Come in.
- Afternoon.
- Doing a spot of painting, are you? - Just a bit, yes.
- Do you mind if I come in? - Not at all.
- I'd like to have a little chat.
- Wonderful.
- I'm Rupert Hathaway.
- I'm Danny Wilde.
- I own most of the land around here.
- It's beautiful country.
- I understand you bought this place.
- Yes, from a little old lady.
We have the same attorney, so I made a deal with her.
Then it never came on the open market? Er, no, no, no.
You don't mind if I continue working, do you? Not at all.
I'd always hoped to buy this place myself.
It's right in the middle of my property, you see.
How would you like to turn a quick profit on your investment? Er No, I don't think so, thank you.
Say, double what you paid for it? No, I'm not interested, thanks.
Four times.
Four times whatever you gave.
You're a very generous man.
Thanks, but no thanks.
All right.
Name your own price.
I'm not interested.
I've tried to be nice to you, Wilde.
Now, I want this cottage.
Well, you're not gonna have it.
You're going to find that life in the country is very hard.
Very hard.
You'll be glad to give this place away.
You'll find that I'm not a man to thwart.
Miss? Miss! Yours, I believe.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't - You didn't know I was there.
Why don't you come here and sit here yourself? Allow me to buy you a drink.
- What will it be? - Vodka, please.
- On the rocks? - Mm.
Gladys, a vodka on the rocks, please.
- Evening.
- Evening.
Are you staying here? - Yes, just for a week or so.
- Oh, happy day.
So am I.
- Holiday? - No, I'm doing some field studies.
I'm a bird-watcher.
Now, there's a coincidence.
We should really do some field work together.
- Oh, by the way, I'm Brett Sinclair.
- Lucy Scott.
Well, your health, Miss Scott.
What are you doing for dinner tonight? Don't tell me.
I'll tell you.
We shall dine together.
I thought we might have it served in my room.
Somebody's in a hurry for a drink.
We'll have a little pheasant, washed down with a bottle of claret.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Come on.
- I've got to go.
Sorry.
- What about our pheasant? You're not bird-watching at this time of night? - Owls.
- Owls? There you go.
Why, thank you very much, sir.
Do you fancy another game? That's very kind, but losing six in a row is enough for me.
Cheers.
All the best, sir.
We don't get many visitors in this part of the world.
- Are you on holiday? - No, a friend's bought a house here.
I'm staying until he's settled in.
Oh, what house would that be, sir? Meadow Cottage.
- What's the matter? - Oh, that's a bad place, sir.
A bad place.
I don't know a man in this village who'll go near the place after dark.
Come to think about it, I don't know many who'll go near it in daylight.
Most houses that stay empty a long time get themselves a reputation.
- It's how ghost stories start.
- It's more than stories, sir.
- I've seen things.
- What sort of things? Glowing lights, and sounds like I've never heard before.
- Then there was the things.
- Things? Shadows and shapes.
- People, you mean? - No, no.
These weren't no people.
Forgive me, but how many of these had you had the night you saw these shadows and shapes and things? Not a drop had passed my lips, sir, but I'll tell you something - your friend won't be staying in that house long.
My friend's a very determined fellow.
He doesn't scare.
Right now, I bet he's sleeping like baby.
He must be around here somewhere.
Go and look round the back.
Sorry.
Morning.
- Good morning.
- Morning.
May I join you? How were the owls last night? - Owls? - Owls.
Oh! I managed to find a couple of nesting sites.
Good.
I tell you what, I shall join you today.
Get the landlord to pack us up a picnic.
Oh, I'm sorry.
The bird I want to photograph today is very shy.
- He takes fright very easily.
- Then I can help.
If I have one talent, it is my ability to sneak up on birds.
Hello, who's this sneaking up on us? - Daniel! - I got a problem.
Get in the car.
Excuse me, my friend looks awful.
I have to attend to him.
What is it, Daniel? Keep it up.
Need any help down there? - There's no one down here, sir.
- No one? Just a couple of feet of water.
- Look, Sheriff - Officer.
Officer, I'm telling you there was a body down there.
- It isn't there now, sir.
- Then somebody got it out of there.
You were knocked unconscious by this? When you came to, you were by those bushes.
Yeah, exactly.
So maybe I staggered there, or somebody dragged me there.
A knock on the head can do funny things.
Perhaps you were dazed.
No, I wasn't dazed when I thought I saw a body.
No more than I am - You saw the room in that house! - That was real enough.
- Local people, do you think? - No, sir.
You can be sure of that.
This place has a very bad reputation.
All superstitions, of course.
Nobody comes here after dark, except maybe a tramp or vagabond.
You might get some kids up here on a camping holiday.
Anyway, I'll go.
I'll have a look around.
- Thank you.
- Bye, sir.
Goodbye, Constable.
- I'm telling you, I saw a body.
- I have no reason to disbelieve you.
You say you saw a body, you saw a body, but it's not there now.
Mind your head.
Come along, Daniel, cheer up.
I'll even go against my instincts and help you clean this place up.
You're a little old to be playing with dolls, Daniel.
Anyway, you don't believe in witchcraft, do you? There's a nice place for it.
- I'm in somebody's way.
- Whose? My neighbour.
He's gonna have to stick more than pins in a doll to get rid of me.
Oh, dear.
I see we have a trespasser.
This could be quite amusing.
Good morning! You know you're on private land? My cottage is on - good morning - private land as well.
But that doesn't stop anybody from walking over there when they want.
- Having a spot of trouble, are you? - Yeah, I'm having trouble.
- I don't suppose you know about it? - What are you suggesting? I'm suggesting you stay off my land, that's what.
I rather gather the impression that he's threatening us.
I'm not threatening you, I'm telling you.
Stay off my land.
- You're still sure you won't sell? - Never.
It's astonishing how uncomfortable country life can become, the little accidents that can happen.
Whoa.
Ah.
Ooh.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
You surprised me.
I surprised you? That's nice of you.
You took three years off my life, I suppose I should be grateful.
Is a Beretta part of bird-watching equipment? I'd be grateful if you didn't mention I'd been here.
Not to anyone.
All right.
On one condition.
You tell me what you're looking for.
I can't tell you.
- You're not bird-watching, are you? - I don't want to answer that.
- There is something going on? - I'm not saying anything.
Please, don't ask any more questions.
I've already said too much.
You have? Tell your friend not to stay here.
I really mean it.
He's in great danger.
- What kind of danger? - Just take the warning.
Now, look, young lady.
Just sit down.
You're not going on looking, and you're not going anywhere until you've told me what is going on.
I can't.
I can't tell you anything just now.
Please.
Please trust me.
Well, I never could resist a lady who said please.
I'll tell you everything tonight.
I'll have a drink waiting for you.
Get out of here.
You're in great danger.
- What did you say? - Danger.
Danger? Get your leash and I'll take you for a walk.
- How did you get on with the squire? - I didn't.
He's behind all this.
- Then why not leave him to it? - What do you mean? Sell him the house.
Let him play his black magic games and forget it.
You sound like your crazy girlfriend.
- What? - That's what she said.
I won't sell.
I bought this house and I love it.
And nobody is gonna make me leave it.
- That spirit won the West.
- Thank you.
- But do me one favour.
- What? Stay in the pub while you're working.
- No.
- You're the most stubborn man.
Right.
I'm going into town.
You want a lift? Yes.
You might thank me for cleaning up.
I've ruined my manicure.
I'm gonna get enough supplies to last a siege, and a shotgun.
Then if they come nosying around, I'll be ready for 'em.
Daniel, the way you're going, you'll get your little piece of England - thrown in on top of you, spadeful by spadeful.
Well I thought you weren't coming.
Here, sit down.
I know you're bursting to tell me, but you didn't have to run.
- I - Here, what's this all about? You'd better come.
They're going to try something.
- At the cottage? - In the woods.
Four or five of them.
Those are the sort of odds for heroes and idiots.
- We'll call the village policeman.
- He's not there.
I left a message.
You'd better take this, just in case.
Why couldn't he have got himself a little penthouse in town? If we're going to do this often, we should buy ourselves a tandem.
The squire ain't gonna like this.
Get out.
You too.
Who's watching the bell? - Not far now.
- I should hope not.
There's someone coming.
- No sign of anyone.
- Quiet as Why are we whispering? Daniel! He has a shotgun in there.
Daniel! It's us! - Try the door.
- Good idea.
Oh, allow me.
Thank you.
Oh! Take a look upstairs.
You're not daft, are you? No sign of him.
The windows upstairs have shutters on the inside.
Then they must have got him.
Who's got him? Would you please tell me what is going on?! Yes.
Perhaps if I had before, this wouldn't have happened.
I wasn't certain I could trust you.
- Thank you.
- You could've been one of them.
- One of who? - You do understand? I don't understand a wretched thing.
I am a sweet, gentle, reasonable man, but will you please give me some answers?! Oh, yes, I'm sorry.
First I must get back to the village.
You are not going anywhere.
Neither of us is going anywhere until we do something to help Daniel.
I'm trying to! We wanted to keep this whole investigation undercover.
- What investigation? - We've got to get the police, it's the only chance your friend has.
- You have to trust me.
- All right.
If I don't get some action fast, I personally will take this place apart brick by brick to find Daniel.
All right.
Start the preparations.
Get the cargo ready for loading! OK, you can put the hood back on.
I believe you.
You scare me to death.
You have a very droll sense of humour.
You think so? - By the by, are you comfortable? - No.
Good.
If it's any consolation, our little contretemps has left me with a mass of bruises.
Good.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have quite a lot to do.
May I ask you a question? This business about sacrificing - virgins and the pins in the dolls and black magic.
No, that's just our way of ensuring privacy from any inquisitive locals.
Oh? You'd be surprised how effective it is.
- I see.
- No one would come here after dark.
- Now, if you'll excuse me.
- Yes, goodbye.
Oh, one last question.
What have you got in mind for me? You can't be that naive.
Sorry I asked.
Now The cottage is located here, at the head of a valley that leads right down to the sea.
Could we skip the geography and help Daniel? But it's the geography that makes the place so perfect.
There's steep hills on either side, so any aircraft flying low over them can't be detected on the coastal radar screens.
- A blind spot.
- Exactly.
They fly across France at sea level, then they just vanish.
- When they get between these hills.
- Yes.
It's taken us nearly two years to locate this landing point.
And they fly back again with boxloads of forged American $100 bills.
Forgeries so flawless, they're almost undetectable.
- You wanted to see me, miss? - Oh, yes.
Good.
Now, get on to county headquarters.
We'll need at least 40 men.
I want a cordon around that cottage and a thorough search of the area, with roadblocks set up on all the approach roads.
- Understand? - Er, yes, miss.
I want everybody in position in two hours' time.
- Doesn't give us much time, miss.
- We haven't got much time.
Well, don't just stand there, get moving.
Do you want the men to meet you here, miss? No, have them come to the cottage.
We'll be going back there.
Very good, miss.
You must be terribly important.
I'm a detective inspector, in the Fraud Squad.
Mm.
We should get back.
There's a chance we may be able to save your friend.
- If they haven't killed him.
- Killed him? The operative on the case before me was almost certainly murdered.
Wait a minute.
Daniel swore he saw a body down the well.
- When? - Last night, but the constable The rope.
I knew there was something odd about it.
- What? - Everything's old about the house, except there's a brand-new rope on the well.
Ow! Always works in the movies.
I was just doing some marshmallows.
Don't get mad.
- Trying to leave us? - No.
You don't mind, do you? Not at all.
In a way, you're really very fortunate.
Oh? How am I fortunate, pray tell? Most of us go through life wondering how it will end.
Oh.
What makes me so different? Well, before morning, all your doubts will have been removed.
Go on.
I think we may be having company.
Do you have a penny? - Oh, you want to make a wish? - No, I want to see how deep it is.
- I don't carry small change.
- Never mind.
I'll use a pebble.
You should try a copper.
I always did say the police were underpaid.
Deep.
Tell you what, you go first.
- What? - That way I can lower you.
Oh, good idea.
If you've suspected this place, why haven't you moved in? We were waiting for the next consignment.
Then our people in France could have got the whole network.
Oh.
Here, put your foot through there.
Right.
If I take the weight Right.
There's a passage! Aargh! Let me give you a hand.
Brett! It's all right, that wasn't me! I'm coming the civilised way.
Pull me in! There we go.
I wouldn't like to do that twice before breakfast.
- Let's see where it goes.
- We should wait for my search party.
It might be too late by then.
Brett? - What's happening? - There's a girl down here.
All right! Bring her up! Get the rest of the money out.
You, set the landing flares.
Well, what happens now? Every day, one reads about people who are murdered for a few measly pounds, but this involves millions.
And it is frightfully expensive, being an English country gentleman.
In less than an hour, You haven't a chance.
I'm sorry, miss, I forgot to send your message.
Just tidy things up here, will you? It's all right, Daniel.
Open your eyes.
I should have known.
Don't you know a loaded pistol is dangerous? - I missed, didn't I? - You always miss.
That's why I aim between your eyes.
- Come on, we must get help.
- I don't think there's time.
They're on my land! Do you suggest we arrest them for trespass? - He's late.
- Here he comes.
All right! Light the flares! Daniel! Daniel, would you help the inspector? Ooh! I bet you never grabbed a policeman like that before.
I say, would you step out? You've got something wrong with the blade.
Here, look.
Over there! Quick! Hey! Save that one for me! Hold it! I gotta get those stairs fixed.
What do we do now, Inspector? Help me pick these up, I'll need them for evidence.
I had these framed as a memento of our little escapade.
I'm gonna hang it between those paintings.
That's a nice idea.
I've got a better one.
- What's that? - Rename the place Greenback Cottage.
- That's not bad.
- Did you do everything yourself? Everything.
Picked out every little fabric.
That couch, everything.
- You like it? - Very much.
Before you do that, I think now is an opportune moment to propose a toast.
- Make it.
- I give you Greenback Cottage.
May she endure for a thousand years.
Greenback Cottage.
Let me give you a hand, Daniel.
A hammer and a nail.
There.
- Here, you think? - A little more to the right.