True Jackson, VP (2008) s01e17 Episode Script

"True Jackson, VP" Was filmed in front Of a live studio audience.
Morning, Oscar, any messages? Zilch.
No messages? Yes, Dr.
Zilch.
You're due for a checkup.
Anyone else? Nada.
No one? No, Nada Velimirovic called.
She wants to talk to you About the fabric From her Serbian factory.
Oh.
True, staff meeting.
Bring your friends.
Really? I need fresh ideas.
From my friends? Are you sure? Quite.
I'm not one of these stodgy Old bosses who think kids Have nothing to offer But silliness.
What are you guys doing? Oh, hi, True.
Did I get it? Did the candy fall out? Okay.
I'm sure You're not gonna want to, But Mr.
Madigan said You could come To the staff meeting.
I'm in.
Let's do this.
Look, just because You're invited guests, Don't feel like You have to talk.
In fact, maybe you shouldn't Say anything.
You know, It almost seems like You're afraid We're going to embarrass you.
I am.
And I'm getting, like, The slightest feeling That you'd rather We not even go in there.
That's right.
Got it.
Cool.
Sit down, everyone.
Let's get started.
Kopelman, would you mind Terribly hitting The zingo button? Zingo.
People, as you know, Next week we we'll be debuting The new fall men's line, And I've decided to do it In the most dramatic way Possible.
How? I have no idea.
That's why we're here.
Who has ideas? Lulu? What about a talking pony In a suit, singing, men's suits men's suits sure do love them men's suits catchy.
Boom.
Anyone else? Laserbeam? Pass.
Your hand was up.
Well, I was just practicing For when I do have an idea.
I have one or two.
Amanda, very good, proceed.
Hopefully it won't be E of those ideas We've heard a million times, Like a photo shoot in Fiji, Or Paris, or Hawaii.
Max, you know, I'm not going to bore you With a whole stack of ideas.
So, why don't I just tell you My one great one? Can't wait to hear it, As long as it doesn't involve Peacocks on bicycles.
Whatever ad we do, I think Mr.
Madigan should be in it.
Me? Max? Why not just dress up a big ape At the zoo? Because apes are so wise, And strong, and silent Like you are being right now.
Is he still staring at me? Yes.
Okay.
Anyone else? Is this still practice? Nope.
Proceed.
What about you standing On top of a sherman tank, Going down fifth Avenue, Driven by me.
Ryan just got His learner's permit.
I'm going to pass On that one.
Here comes another one.
We flood fifth Avenue, Freeze it, and you ride down it On a zamboni, Which would be driven by me.
A zamboni? He really wants to drive Something.
Max, if I may? What is it, hibbert? I think the kid Is on to something.
He is? He is? I am? Yeah.
Instead of just a photo shoot, We do some kind of stunt That will create a media buzz.
I know.
How about you on the roof Of mad style as the sun rises Wearing the new jacket? People will be able to see you For miles.
Hey, that's a great idea.
Wait a minute.
How are we gonna get a zamboni On the roof? I know with a crane, Driven by me.
Zingo? Zingo.
Zingo.
from my head to my toes it's all real and you know fresh and cool it's just what I do t-r-u-e-j-a-c-k-s-o-n-v-p working at a grown up job I never really knew I could work this hard used to sit at home and watch tv now I'm in an office as the new VP I'm always setting trends with my two best friends when things get out of hand we have a plan we're just messin' around and we're making new ground for the whole wide world to see if you see us in town you know it's going down cause I'm the new VP hey, during the meeting, Did Mr.
Madigan seem nervous To you? Nervous how? Well, he kept playing With a button on his jacket.
And then it came off, And then he ate it.
Yeah, I saw that.
I also saw him pick a nickel Off the floor, And then he ate that, too.
Oh, you really shouldn't Eat things off the floor.
I learned that the hard way.
This one time in seventh grade I swallowed a comb.
Didn't see it again Until eighth grade.
Wait a minute.
I'll bet I know what it is.
We talked him into standing On the roof of the building As the sun rises.
Mr.
Madigan Is terribly afraid of heights.
He's probably freaking out.
Why don't you just get A dummy to take his place? Really? You don't mind standing On the roof? An actual dummy, That looks like him.
That's good, that's good.
I'll bet the art department Can make one.
You really think You could fool anyone? That's how those tv magicians Do it.
I mean, from a distance You can't even tell.
My dad hates magicians.
One time, this magician Pulled a quarter out of his ear And he didn't sleep for a month.
My mom was like, "it's a trick, Larry, Go to sleep.
" Mr.
Madigan, I've got a great idea.
Another one? When I pitched the roof idea, I sort of forgot You're afraid of heights.
Well, not so much heights As falling, And not so much falling As hitting the ground At an enormous rate of speed.
We were thinking We could get a dummy To take your place.
Ryan doesn't mind? No, no, no.
Like a mannequin That looks exactly like you.
Max mannequin.
Get it? Yes, that is a good idea.
So how come You still seem nervous? Well, who said I'm nervous? Mr.
Madigan, You're eating your clothes.
Now you're being nervous Or you're a goat.
Sit down.
I wanna keep this very quiet.
You know how I've been dating Your school librarian? Yeah, you two Are practically inseparable.
It's True, We've been spending An awful lot of time together And things are getting Pretty serious.
In fact, I've decided to propose to her.
That's so exciting.
Yes.
Well, why don't you seem Happy? What if she says no? Why would she say no? All you have to do Is be romantic.
You know, candles, flowers, Some fancy words.
Oh, okay, okay.
I'll go get The candles and flowers, Will you check and see If they've messengered the ring? It was supposed to be here An hour ago.
Get the handkerchief Out of your mouth.
Don't you say that.
You are good enough To run the company.
Are you crying? Mr.
Madigan? Hah.
Gotcha.
Meet Max ii, Who is not afraid of heights, Or wet willies.
Ryan, that's amazing.
It looks exactly like him.
Hi True, Ryan, Mr.
M.
How did you know That was a mannequin? I didn't.
That's how I always greet Mr.
M.
Lulu, You aren't gonna believe it.
Mr.
Madigan is gonna propose To miss aidem.
Not even.
Hi, I'm calling From Max madigan's office.
Yeah, you're supposed To be sending over a ring.
I was just wondering When you thought it might be What? No, he needs that ring today.
It has to be today.
Well, can't you get Another messenger? Hello? You guys, this is terrible.
The messenger got fired So they can't bring The ring over.
That is terrible.
I hope he gets another job.
No, not that.
We need that ring.
Miss aidem is coming today.
Well, I'll get the ring.
I'll take Max's car.
But you can't drive.
Yeah, well, There's a learner's permit Burning a hole in my pocket That says otherwise, so.
You're still not allowed To drive without a grown-up.
Where are we gonna find A grown-up? Well, I guess It's for a good cause.
You know what you're doing, Right? Uh, hello, I'm like a driving expert.
How do you turn this thing on? The ignition.
I knew that.
Be careful, will you? Don't insult me.
I was born careful.
Okay, calm down.
It's not a big deal.
Now, it's a big deal.
Out for a drive, are we? Mm-hmm.
Well, it's too bad Those garbage cans Backed into you.
That's a cop joke.
I need your license And registration.
Yes, of course.
True, True, be a dear, Won't you? Here you go, officer.
Anybody ever tell you, You got small hands For a grown man? Oh, stop.
You're making me blush.
Max madigan? The designer? In the flesh.
I'm a big fan Of your pleated summer cottons.
For real? Ah, you know, Don't say it like that.
I happen to be very fashionable When I'm not on the job.
Oh, she didn't mean anything, Your honor.
Oh, it's officer.
Officer Jake hooley.
That's a cool name.
You can have your own cop show.
You could call it Hooley and skitch, Except skitch is a monkey.
And you have this lieutenant Who's always riding you.
He'd be like, "get in here, hooley.
Who pooped in the squad car?" And you'd be like, "skitch did it.
" That could be your catchphrase.
All right, you can go.
Don't drive into any more cans.
I won't.
Knock wood.
Well, we'll just be heading off.
Out of the car.
You care to explain? Oh, yeah.
The neck needs to be reinforced, It snapped off twice On the way over here.
That is not the explanation You were looking for.
Your honor, may I approach? The truth is We don't even know this guy.
We're merely kidnap victims.
That is not True.
Look, I have a learner's permit.
Had a learner's permit.
Officer, please.
We know Ryan's Not supposed to be driving Without a grownup, But our boss is proposing To his girlfriend today And the engagement ring Didn't come Because the delivery guy Got fired, So we were rushing To picit up ourselves So he can be happy forever.
And we're so sorry, We made a terrible mistake.
That is the most Romantic thing I've ever heard.
Really? Come on, Let's go get that ring.
That's so romantic! Mr.
Madigan, I've found your ring.
He's not in here.
Where do you suppose he is? Probably barfing up buttons Somewhere.
Come on and help me find him.
There you go, big guy.
You comfy? Mr.
Madigan, I just wanted to let you know That Doris is on her way up.
Uh, very good.
Oh, Oscar, I forgot to mention, For no real reason, I've decided to fire you.
Fire me? You can't do this.
You can't Because you're a dummy.
Very funny, Ryan.
I had you going For a second though, right? Please.
You'd have to be A complete idiot To think that mannequin is real.
Oh, there you are, Max.
Would you excuse us? But yeah, we need a moment In private, if you don't mind.
I'll see you later, Mr.
Madigan.
Thanks again for teaching me How to moonwalk.
Yeah, me too.
First of all, Max, I hope you've forgiven me For that ape remark This morning.
Have you had a chance To read my new proposal? Well, I have more.
Number one, We hire a top football star To wear one of our suits During the big game.
Number two, We get the contestants From top chef To make soup out of our fabric.
Number three Mr.
Madigan, I got the Hey, this is nice.
You think so? Yes.
Miss aidem is gonna love it.
Well, she'd better.
She's on her way up.
Remember, just be romantic.
Yes, yes, of course.
Romantic how? All you have to do Is talk like 10 percent deeper, And as soon as you have Her undivided attention, Get down on one knee And, bam, it's on.
Good luck.
Ring.
Ring, True.
Ring.
Come in.
Honey bunny? Doris.
Do come in.
Want to hear A killer knock knock joke? Actually, I was hoping To talk to you about fate.
Okay.
Our fate.
Yeah.
The fate of future The future of what is fated For us.
I think The smells in here Are making you dizzy.
Should I go Get a fire extinguisher? No.
Okay.
You can extinguish These flames, But you cannot extinguish The flames that burn in here.
Doris, will you marry me? No.
Ah.
Excuse me a moment, huh? She said what now? Miss aidem.
Oh, why hello, True.
How are you today? Pretty good, pretty good.
So, what were you And Mr.
Madigan talking about? Oh, nothing, really.
I tried to tell him This killer knock knock joke And he asked me to marry him.
What did you say? I said no.
Knock knock? Why did you say no? Don't you love him? Of course, I do.
He's the love of my life.
Then why? It was all wrong.
He got down on one knee Like a billion men have done Since cavemen days.
Cavemen got down On one knee? Oh, sure, But only because cavewomen Were two feet tall.
It's well documented.
I just want my proposal To be exciting and unique And special.
Like how? Oh, I don't know.
Maybe standing On the back of a lion With a rose in his mouth Or riding a motorcycle Dressed like cupid.
Something no one's Ever done before.
Well, he wants to spend The rest of his life with you.
It doesn't make it Any more special If he proposes in a lawn chair Suspended by balloons.
That's it.
That's exactly how I want To be proposed to.
Oh, I have got To stop opening my mouth All the time.
Dummy.
Number 87, we build a suit As big as the Chrysler building, And then we put it On the Chrysler building.
Nothing.
Okay, number 88.
I've got good news And bad news.
The good news is she loves you.
Oh, and the bad news? She wants you to propose In a lawn chair Hanging over the city By balloons.
Oh, where would she get Such a crazy idea? Who knows? Ideas can come From anywhere, really.
Well, I can't do that.
I'm horribly afraid of heights And falling and death And being in a coffin And then having the coffin fall.
I know.
That's why we got that mannequin To take your place in hey.
What? The mannequin.
What if we use that To propose to her? I'm confused.
We could put that In the lawn chair, And from a distance, She won't even be able to tell, Especially if we steal Her glasses.
Oh, she's as blind As a leprechaun without those.
Are leprechauns blind? I think so.
Or are they green? I know they're short Like cavewomen.
I'll have Ryan Bring the mannequin to the roof And tell Doris To meet you up there In 15 minutes.
Uh, True? Yes? I know in this world It's hard to know Who you can rely on Not now.
One of those days? The worst.
I kept pitching idea After idea to Max And he just kept staring.
He's obviously in one Of his moods.
Who's in one Of what moods? Whoa, Max.
How did you get out here? He's doing it again.
I cleverly got her glasses, Mr.
Madigan.
How? I just took 'em Off her face and ran.
Come on, let's get to the roof.
Don't say roof.
Even the word is frightening.
Roof? Come on.
Miss aidem will be up here Any minute.
Afraid.
There's nothing To be afraid of.
All the scary stuff Is being be done By the mannequin.
Oh, all right.
Well, hello.
Aren't you a handsome devil? See, the mannequin Will do the hero stuff While you hide Behind those boxes And do the talking.
I like it.
It sounds like A pretty foolproof plan.
That's the spirit.
I would love To have dinner, But I have to work on more ideas From my insane boss.
I never know When he's going to drop in And stare at me With those beady eyes of his Max.
You didn't hear all that, Did you? Shh.
Okay, the good news is No one got hurt And the only thing That might have gotten damaged Is that gold convertible.
Gold convertible? Uh-oh, I feel dizzy.
It's my vertigo.
Oh, yeah, my Uncle Troy Gets that, too, Ever since he got hit by a bus And lightning on the same day.
He was just lying and thinking, "I can't believe I got hit by a bus," then kapow.
Mr.
Madigan, come back.
True, did you happen To rip the glasses Off my face and run? Miss aidem.
Thank you.
And Oscar said That Max needed to see me About something.
Where is he? Will you marry me, Doris? Yes, Max.
Yes.
I can't tell what he's saying.
I'm sure It's something really romantic.
Sweet Caesar's bucket, Somebody help me! Help me! I love you too.
Oh.
A very special kind Of lovebird Flew over Manhattan today.
Mad style founder Max madigan Went to new heights To propose to his girlfriend.
Mention the suit, Mention the suit.
You look great, Mr.
Madigan.
You can't even tell You pooped your pants.
Wait, now you can.
In an unrelated story, A mannequin that looked Exactly like Max madigan Fell 38 stories Off a midtown office building, Landing in a car below A car that was owned By madigan himself.
How is that not related? It couldn't be more related.
Ironic.
I'll say.
Maybe I'm wrong, But I could swear This anchorwoman Is checking me out.
We've got some crazy eye contact Going on.
It's a tv.
She's looking into the camera.
That's your opinion.
Well, that's the news.
Good night, Ryan.
No one else heard that? Now stay tuned for an all-new Hooley and skitch.