8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter s01e18 Episode Script

Look at what Rory selected for family movie night.
I am so proud.
He didn't go near the room with the saloon doors this time.
To Kill A Mockingbird.
Isn't that your book report? Is it? Trust me, Cate, the movie is even better.
Gregory Peck as Atticus Finch, the embodiment of truth, honesty, and integrity.
He's all that I aspire to be as a father.
- Have you read the book? - No.
I was talking to Rory, Atticus.
- All right, Rory, go read.
- Then we'll watch it.
Forget it.
I'm not gonna read a book and watch a black and white movie too.
- Cate, how's Bridget today? - How would I know? - She won't even come out of her room.
- I know.
It's not the same old bubbly Bridget.
It's like lately we've got two Kerry Caring, talented, wonderful daughters.
Hey, Care Bear, didn't see you there.
How's your sister? Bridget? She's fine.
Uh, I'm going on the computer now.
Uh-oh.
- She knows something.
- You got that from "Bridget's fine?" Mm-hmm.
Trust me, I have a sister.
Sisters lie and cover for each other when something's up.
Usually has to do with boys.
Your sister doesn't seem like the boy-crazy type.
You had to lie for her? For her? Uh Yeah, for her.
All the time.
I'm gonna go on the computer now.
Hey, Rory, it's Saturday.
How 'bout a little father-son bonding at the slot car track? Paul, Rory is reading To Kill A Mockingbird.
If the ceiling were the floor, I'd be taller than the windows.
Rory, read! Hey, honey.
So your sister isn't up yet? She's fine, Mom.
Fine.
- Uh, I'm going on the computer now.
- Uh, no, hold on.
Come here.
What aren't you telling us? And remember, I have the power to declare family bowling night.
Noisy bowling alley, used shoes What are you, about a four? Kerry? OK.
Bridget's still depressed about her stupid drum teacher leaving, but she doesn't want anyone to know about it.
She's hiding it well.
Hey, upside down Bridget looks happy.
Rory, read! I miss Ben.
Oh, honey, look you just need to see that you're too young for him.
He's only three or four years older than me.
- It's not age as much as experience.
- Well, Bridget's got plenty of that.
Are you part of the solution? Honey, I'm not gonna allow you to date a college guy.
Paul, we're partners.
So be quiet.
Honey, I think that you should call Amanda.
Wasn't tonight the night that the girls were getting together? Cate? Bridget's grounded, remember? She was sneaking out to the concert with, you know, En-bay.
En-bay! - Paul, Paul - What?! Well, I wanna talk to you over here, away from the kids.
That means I have to move.
Kids, go over there.
Honey, I think we should lift Bridget's punishment.
- You're undermining your own authority.
- Right now, what's more important? I say, getting Bridget out of her room and back on her feet.
Partners? OK, but I get to be "partners" next time.
All right.
Hey, Bridget, you really should call Amanda.
Her mom told me that everyone was gonna be there.
Everyone.
OK, I'll think about it.
Well, at least we tried.
I'm glad you clued us in.
You should feel good about yourself.
Everyone's gonna be there? Oh, my God! I got another e-mail from Ben.
I'm getting tired of keeping your double life a secret.
Mom and Dad are this close to caving and letting me see Ben.
I mean, come on, my new sad face? I was so good, I almost felt sad for me.
You call that a sad face? I invented the sad face.
See? Oh, awesome.
Ben is so romantic.
He's such a "let's hang over the Titanic with our arms all hanging out" type of guy.
Look what he wrote.
- "S'up?" - It was in response to what I said.
- See.
- "S'up?" We wanna know what's up with each other all the time.
- I mean, look how he signed it.
- "B.
" B for Ben, B for Bridget.
We have the same first initial! I mean, there's something so fate-destiny-worlds-collide-y about it.
You're adding "y's" to everything.
This is serious.
Mom and Dad'd kill you if they knew you were carrying on a long-distance relationship behind their back.
And you're not gonna tell them, right? Because you swore, made a secrecy vow and you kissed my old boyfriend Kyle.
How long are you gonna hold that over my head? How long does it take for a broken heart to heal? That's Ben! He's calling me.
- Now you have ESP? - No, I programmed his ring.
Dad, it's the Michigan Fight Song, Ben, it's You Light Up My Life.
Ben! Hi! S'up! - Care Bear! - Bridget! Bridget! I gotta go.
Send me a text message on my cell.
OK, bye! - How's it going? - No improvement.
Can't you stay depressed 'til they get down the hall? - I can't help it.
I'm in love! - Bridget, OK, look at me.
- OK.
- Pretend I'm the big sister now.
- OK.
- You're not in love! Yes I am, like Romeo and Juliet.
Another Leonardo movie.
I was just talking about Titanic.
That worlds-collide-y-fate-y thing.
It's infatuation! This is going too far.
You're totally screwed up about men.
I'm gonna tell Mom and Dad.
Maybe I'm screwed up about men because you kissed my old boyfriend.
Ben's message! "Snowed last night.
Wish you could be here.
" Kerry, he wishes I could be there! He's never said that before.
- It's a saying! - Yeah! Like when Leonardo couldn't make it to the MTV Movie Awards and Carson Daly said, "Wish you were here.
" See where I'm going with this? It's getting scary.
Yes, it is.
So how was father-son day at the slot car track? Great.
Too bad Rory couldn't make it.
If he would've done his homework, I could've had a friend.
Funny, Dad.
I'm on page 114, and they still haven't killed that bird.
You're missing the point in one of the great pieces of literature.
Have you reached the part where Robert Duvall makes his screen debut? Bridget? Is it OK if I go to Amanda's sleepover after all? - Well, sure.
- Can you? Of course! - Why do you need such a big bag? - Yeah.
We're gonna give facials.
There's not much you can do to my complexion except admire it.
Amanda's t-zone is like an oil spill only without the dead pelicans.
Um, can I borrow the car? I'll put gas in it.
Now that I know it's not diesel, we shouldn't have problems.
Why don't you have Dad drive you? - I heard it might snow.
- Sure.
I'd be happy to.
You don't trust me to drive in the snow just when I was starting to feel better.
- I'm going back to my room.
- No, wait! Come here.
You can drive.
Go ahead.
Have a ball.
- OK, bye Mom.
- Bye.
Well, we got her out of her funk.
Not bad for lame-o Mom and Dad, huh? Yeah, there's no underestimating you guys.
Bridget! You're going to see Ben, aren't you? If I were going to see Ben I would have brought my big bag.
I think you're lying and I'm afraid you're gonna get into trouble there.
- So? - Well, I'm not gonna let you leave.
Hey, Beach.
You still here? Get out of here, you knucklehead.
Go! Go! Fun's a-waitin'.
Uh, I'm gonna go to Amanda's too.
But, honey, you haven't been in Have fun.
- Isn't that Amanda's street? - Uh-huh.
- We're going past Amanda's street.
- Uh-huh.
We're not going to Amanda's, are we? You kissed my old boyfriend, Kyle.
Bridget I can't believe you're doing all this for a guy.
- You're making a fool of yourself.
- No, I'm not.
Hold on, that's Ben's door! It's even more beautiful than I imagined.
- Surprise! - Bridget, what are you doing here? What's that girl doing in your dorm room? I asked you first.
- Listen, I should go.
- Sarah! Bridget.
Oh, man, listen Wanna come in? - I think we should talk.
- You bet we should talk.
Yes, we should.
She's in his dorm room? You get Bridget on the phone now! Right now! - You get her on the damn phone! - Stop yelling at Kerry! - She's our link.
- Can't yell at Bridget.
Can't yell at Kerry.
Stop reading upside down! I'm yelling at somebody, Cate.
Mom, Dad, I know this looks real bad and I'm expecting big consequences when I get home.
I heard that.
I heard you roll your eyes.
Bridget needs to finish this.
Then we'll come right back.
No, no, you two get in the car right now! Look, Paul, Kerry is very responsible.
Trust her.
That's right.
She's really responsible.
She waited to call us until the car came to a complete safe stop.
In Ohio! OK, now look, look, Care Bear, I need you to be the big sister.
Stay with her.
She is very vulnerable right now.
And call me a lot.
OK, bye.
OK, no more talk.
We're going down there right now.
Now, Paul, calm down.
By the time we get there, they'll be back.
I do not want you driving when you're angry.
Oh, yeah, sure.
Yeah, fine.
I should calm down like you, 'cause a whole lot of good comes from calm! Don't hang up on me! Don't hang up.
Hello! Bridget, I did not lead you on.
OK, but if, this is a gargantuan "if.
" If you did not lead me on, then answer me this: What am I doing in your room in the middle of the night? - That's a good question.
- Yeah, thank you.
Come on! Tell him he's a jerk and let's go home! Kerry! Leave! If you didn't lead me on, what about, "If things were different, - we would've hooked up?" - OK.
That one was bad.
I do like you, but your parents made it very clear that nothing was going to happen between us, and that's when I met Sarah.
Hey, Ben, I Oh, sorry.
And Sarah introduced me to Annie.
Bridget, for your information, I called Mom and Dad.
- Go away! - I'm not budging until you come out.
What're you looking at? - You.
- Well, don't.
Want some pizza? Yeah, OK.
You know, that is your most annoying nervous habit.
I liked it better when you bit Styrofoam cups.
What do you expect? Doesn't it bother you that Bridget is getting worse? - I'm not sure I like her right now.
- She's still your little girl.
Not anymore.
You know, she's totally changed.
I don't know who she is.
We have nothing in common, and then she pulls a stunt like this.
I'm going crazy.
I'm going after them.
I thought we made an agreement.
- We were gonna stay calm.
- Calm?! Even though she's stolen our car, and driven across the state? - Yes.
- And she's in some boy's dorm room? - Yes.
- That boy happens to be a musician.
You used to date a musician, didn't you, Cate? - Slow down! What happened to "calm"? - Oh, screw calm.
Crosswalk, crosswalk! When I get my hands on Thelma and Louise - Honeybun? - What? We forgot Rory.
I was at the best part of the book.
A young Gregory Peck was on the porch smoking a pipe talking to Scout.
Read! - Paul, call Kerry.
- I've been calling.
Pick up, pick up! Still no answer.
- Bridget.
- Don't.
This is so humiliating.
I cannot believe I thought you liked me.
Bridget, I could have been interested.
I mean, I thought you were cute.
Just cute? - Actually, amazing.
- Just amazing? Another time, another place, who knows? But for now I think we should just be friends.
Oh, my God, that's my line.
No one's ever said that to me before.
No wonder why they all make that face.
- Can I put my arm around you now? - If you want to lose it.
Hey, look, Kerry, can I ask you a question? - Do you like Ohio State? - Sure.
How come your pants have been playing the Michigan fight song all night? Oh, my God.
This is my favorite place.
- Kerry! - Mom, Dad?! Thank God you guys are here.
We have been calling you for over one hundred miles.
Oh, well, I was playing video games on the cell phone.
I had a personal best in Solitaire.
- Is that a co-ed bathroom? - Yeah.
- I gotta go.
- Rory, read.
Can I go in there? That's where you read? - OK, Rusty, where's Blondie? - Where is she? All right.
OK.
Your father and I are going into Ben's room.
The two of you - Don't move! - OK.
- Hands where I can see 'em! - Dad! I'll give you a refund on the drum lessons! Humor? You think this is funny? Is that what you are, a funny boy? - No, sir.
- Bridget, you are in so much trouble.
Look at me.
Look at me! Mom, it's over! Oh, this is so not over.
Bridget! - Paul, just calm down.
- I'm sorry, sweetie.
I guess I'm in a bit of a bad mood today.
See, this morning I cut myself shaving years off my life as head of this family! - Honey, are you OK? - No.
Ben, I think we could use some privacy here.
No, I mean, we were just about to say goodbye anyway.
- Bye, Bridget.
- Bye, Ben.
Goodbye, Ben.
How 'bout a little privacy? Is that OK with you? That a problem? Is that all right? Right.
- Why is this book so skinny? - It's a synopsis.
It tells you everything you need to know about To Kill a Mockingbird.
This is my favorite place ever.
If - Oh, Mom.
- Oh, I know, honey.
I know.
- Aw.
- "Aw.
" I didn't drive four hours in the middle of the night to hear "aw.
" - You didn't drive at all.
- I'm making a point here, Cate! Our daughter crossed a line tonight, a very big line, the Ohio state line, - and you wanna coddle her.
- She's our little girl.
Oh, yeah? Look at what I found on Ben's dresser.
- A cookie? - A cookie.
In a college dorm.
A musician's dorm.
A musician who gets the munchies.
Do the math, Cate.
Oh, for the love of God.
Just say no! That's all I'm saying.
Mom, I don't get it.
What's wrong with me? - Oh, Beach.
- Look what I found in the trashcan.
That is from a toilet paper roll.
If you'd ever replaced one, you'd know it.
Oh, right.
- Mom? - What honey? This is the first time anyone's broken my heart.
Oh What can I do for you? What do you want right now? Great.
Reward her.
Reward her frivolous, superficial, unthinking, 100 percent adolescent immaturity.
Shh! Go on.
I want I It's like It's like Holden, what's his name, Caulfield in Catcher in the Rye.
When he hates that everything seems fake.
- You read Catcher in the Rye? - Did you? Yes.
- It's my favorite book.
- Mine, too.
Beach, why did you think of Catcher in the Rye? I don't know, it's just Mom asked me what I wanted and it made me think of Holden Caulfield, and how he wanted to stand at the edge of some field.
And all these kids are running around.
They don't know where they're going and he's scared for them.
And And he just wants to catch them.
That's what I want.
I just wanna be catched.
You wanna be "caught.
" I want Mom! It's like trying to reel in a marlin.
I was this close.
- You wanna go home? - Yeah.
Let me go wash my face.
Beach, I'm sorry.
What happened to the guy who kicked in the door? I don't know.
I guess I found my little girl on the other side.
She read Catcher In The Rye.
Just when I'm ready to give up on her, she surprises me.
Yeah, she's full of surprises.
Gee, we always thought Kerry was the deep one.
Go, Li'I K.
Go, Li'I K.
Go! Yeah, I go here.
See, I'm a genius.
You should come to my lecture on To Kill A Mockingbird.
You know, they don't kill a bird in it or anything.
- You're kidding me? Kerry! - Rory Joseph Hennessy.
You get over here right now.
Back off, Buckeyes.