Aliens in America s01e18 Episode Script

yet,?????? but you could finally walk to school without the fear that you'd freeze and wake up ten million years from now in some futuroid laboratory.
Though, I bet the futuroids would be nicer.
Naturally, when e weather warms up, teenage minds turn to sex.
Not that teenage minds ever really turn away from it.
Is that all you're eating? No wonder you're so skinny.
Hi, Donna.
Donna is the only girl at Medora High who actually has a crush on me.
Seriously, when I first saw you in Eng Lit, I thought you had cancer.
I was gonna take up a collection, but then your hair didn't fall out.
Well yet.
That hairline's a time bomb.
I don't know what her strategy was.
Maybe by getting people to focus on her annoying personality, they wouldn't notice her looks? Well, thanks, Donna, but there's Raja, so I better, uh Go then.
You make a cute couple.
Is my hairline okay? Yes.
Why? No reason.
You're not eating.
I cannot.
This is about her.
Who? "Who?" Sadika.
Sadika who? How many Sadikas do we know? Sadika Sada- something-something.
Sadika Sada-something-something was a Muslim girl Raja met several weeks ago and has not stopped denying he's thinking about since.
Sadika Sadagatmal is a nice young woman whom I wish well You wish her more than well.
You keep her picture under your mattress.
Who's the old guy? It's her grandfather.
No, because because he wanted to get a picture of her, but he's trying to play it cool, so he had to get a What are you doing? What are you doing, Claire? In Pakistan we respect one another's privacy.
Unless the government decides otherwise.
Why don't you just ask her out? She was into you, too.
It is immaterial.
Muslims do not date until it is time to get married.
Which if you ask me, explains why some of their young guys are so crabby.
Yeah, but you said yourself that Muslims here are more casual.
But I hope one day to return to Pakistan, provided of course that your permissive culture has not corrupted me so much I am turned away at the border.
Is that my pizza? I thought you were going to stay lovesick a little longer.
Raja wasn't listening to me, but I still had one secret weapon.
So I talked to Dalwah Sadagatmal today.
Do you remember Dalwah? Of course.
How, how is she? Mmm, good.
Real good.
What about Silvio? Silvio was the Sadagatmals' German exchange student, who didn't speak a word of English, but that didn't bother Claire.
Silvio is fine.
And, uh, Sadika? Oh, Sadika is wonderful! She's doing real well in school.
Not seeing anyone, though, and Dalwah is real concerned about it 'cause there are hardly any Muslim boys in Wisconsin, so There's Raja.
There is Raja, isn't there? Oh.
I- I appreciate your interest in my romantic well-being.
But I can assure you, the Sadagatmals would never allow me to court Sadika if were I so inclined, which I am not.
Mmm.
That's fine, Raja.
I was only smiling because my mom only gives up when she knows she's won.
They said yes.
Who? Well, What, what, what? your name naturally came up once the conversation went that way, and Dalwah said they're all for it if Sadika is.
And, and is she? She can't wait.
Congratulations, son.
And here is where Raja had his first-ever panic attack.
-==ÆÆÀÃÐÜÀÖÔ°ÇãÇé·îÏ×==- ±¾×ÖĻ½Ã¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌÒµÓÃ; ÎÒ¼ÒÀ´¸ÃÍâ¹úÈË µÚ1¼¾µÚ18¼¯ -=ÆÆÀÃÐÜ×ÖĻ×é=- ·­Ò룺¸ÃÈËID Уԣº¸ÃÈËID ʱ¼äÖá: Breezy You are my surrogate family.
And the elder Sadagatmals' judgment of my suitability will flow from their opinions of you.
Oh, that sucks.
It will be fine.
Although I do believe I am about to open up a Pandora's box of emotional torture for no good reason.
Welcome to the wonderful world of dating.
Despite the pressure and formality, the two teens actually managed to treat the occasion like a regular first date.
Just not the two who were on it.
The setup was definitely unique.
dika's family would ask questions to us, and Raja would ask questions to them.
your family been living in Wisconsin for many It is interesting.
We know many people who would not allow their daughters to date like this before they are married.
But Mr.
Sadagatmal and I are much more liberal than our friends.
Oh, you're serious.
At one point, Raja and Sadika finally said something to each other.
E- excuse me? Oh, I I didn't Oh, I'm s Um The whole thing seemed like a disaster, but apparently, it wasn't because a few nights later at our house we did the same thing all over again.
And this time Raja and Sadika got it on.
Good samoosi.
Oh.
Thank you.
I know you need me so why don't you please me Claire and Silvio's relationship was moving even faster Du bist heiss.
when it hit a language barrier.
Um Du bist heiss.
Heiss, hss.
Heiss.
Ah! Hot! Ja! Me? Du.
Fortunately, you don't have to know all that many words to date in high school.
my top the Now, I know I was the one who wanted to get Raja and Sadika together in the first place, but I didn't realize what the repercussions would be.
Hey.
Hello! Raja! I'm talking to you.
Sorry, I was just texting Sadika's mother.
This is weird, man.
Justin, the road to Sadika's heart ishrough her.
Okay, well you're not going to see her or her mom till Friday, so how about we like go to a movie or something this afternoon.
This afternoon I am helping her father clean and disinfect a rental property.
You could come to that.
Uh, no.
That's okay.
I don't want to horn in on your lady.
Ya.
Ya! Totally.
What's he saying? I have no idea, but he sounds so smart.
No, no, no, no, it was great fun.
I, too, enjoyed pouring bleach over the entire bathroom floor.
I am talking to Sadika's father.
He seems very impressed with me.
But what I may have lost in friendship, I gained in humiliation.
What? Nothing.
Just Even our celibate Muslim exchange student got a girlfriend before Justin.
He hardly has a girlfriend.
If anything, he's dating a very old married couple.
Oh, someone's a litt jealous.
Gary, you're awful.
As bad as I felt, I still can't explain what I did next.
You draw so much, I don't understand why you're not better.
Do you want to go out sometime? I knew you were in love with me.
I'm taking a round of antibiotics.
I'll be done in a few days.
We'll go out then.
While I waited for Donna to get off her medication Raja and Sadika had another date, which was starting to lose its charm.
And my mother decided to do something about it.
Raja, I know it's our turn for your date night tonight, but who feels like cooking? So I called the Sadagatmals, and we're all going to meet at the Cheesecake Mill instead.
Do you know where that is? Yes, but will we not all drive together? No, 'cause you got a dentist appointment just before.
That's right there.
I do? Yeah, it's your three-month- and-two-week checkup.
Hello.
Good evening.
Uh, Tolchuck-Sadagatmal, party of 17? Right this way.
Am I the first? Second.
Sadika.
Is your family not? Oh, I'm supposed to meet them.
Somehow my mom managed to separate Sadika from her family.
But that's why she's the best.
Is the, the food here good? I, I go to the one where I live.
Oh, I see.
Meanwhile, at the Cheesecake Mill across town Oh, good, you found it! Yes.
But where is Sadika? Bye.
They went to the one in Rhinelander.
So we are alone? For a while.
Sadika ??????????/ I suspect Mrs.
Tolchuck has created this accident.
Oh, it's, it's okay.
They'll be here in half an hour.
Mrs.
Tolchuck is a crafty woman.
She may summon a tornado.
Should I perhaps go and, and wait outside? I do not want your mother to see us alone and be offended.
Are you kidding me? My mother loves you.
I do have a way with moms.
Yeah, I I've seen.
Here they attribute it to my foreign heritage, but even in Pakistan, they considered me as you might say to be a, uh, do-goody suck-up.
You're funny.
You seem surprised.
Well, you take all this so seriously.
Islam? Life.
Oh, you do, too.
I have seen the books you read.
That's because I'm bored because I can't go out.
Hmm.
You-You would prefer to-to live as they do? I don't know You weren't born here.
I feel like I'm two things at once, but neither, really.
It's like everything you want is right there, and all your friends get to enjoy every one of them, but not you.
Hmm.
You know that feeling the morning after the last day of Ramadan when you wake up, and after a month of daytime fasting, you can have anything you want? Strawberry waffles.
That first bite is Is a pleasure they cannot have but we do.
My mom's scheme was disrespectful of Raja, Sadika, the Sadagatmal family and really,?????????? She also happens to be a conspiracy theorist.
But she knows her stuff.
Raja and Sadika finally got to do the one thing they never could on any of their dates: relax.
She tells everyone it is called a five-bean soup to ward off the recipe thieves.
Very sharp, your Aunt Ghazala.
Is she pretty, too? Well, well, here in America, there are different standards of No, not by any standard.
She is quite hideous, actually.
Raja! The whole family says so.
To her face? When they can look at it.
You're horrible.
I am.
I am.
She all but raised me, and-and I love her dearly.
I I hope we get to meet her.
I hope so, too.
Probably aren't even here.
There he is.
I think we have our new desktop.
Yes, we do.
Hello! Hi.
Hi.
I, I mu must ask you to refrain from doing that again.
Unless one day we are married.
Right.
Nonetheless, thank you.
I am your man.
Hi, kids! Sorry we're late.
???g well with Raja and Sadika, I, for some reason, continued to pursue things with Donna.
What was that?! My tongue.
I thought You thought? That was your first tongue kiss? No, no.
No.
I just thought that you liked it.
Well, not when you barely even put it in.
Well, there's a lot of metal to work around.
I knew what she was doing.
Making me feel inadequate so I wouldn't judge her.
But knowing didn't matter.
It still worked on me.
Lend me money r a Cold Stone.
Like me, Claire was having her own difficulty.
You talk into it, and it translates for you.
It really works? Claire, did you pass gas? Daddy! Liast du gefurzt? He may not be Miss Manners, but he knows his audience.
Well, I figud you two talk so much, maybe you'd like to hear what you're saying.
It turns out, though, that some things are better left to the imagination, like Raja's Aunt Ghazala.
FEMALE VOICE But sometimes I am on a bad team, and then the other team captures the flag.
This whole time, you've been talking to me about Halo II? Nein.
Halo Drei.
No.
Halo III.
To be fair, though, Claire wasn't exactly a great conversationalist, either.
so i go ,"i don't think so.
" and she's all -- emale mechanical voice speaking German) What is your point? Whatever.
Was auch immer.
With the magic gone, Claire and Silvio ended their relationship.
The next day, Claire drowned her sorrows with one small forkful of cheesecake.
Okay, I'm over him.
Meanwhile, I was starting to wonder what was supposed to be so great about having a girlfriend.
you think you're funny,but you're not.
Everything she tells me I tell myself anyway.
Justin? Claire.
We have to talk.
Justin.
You are not with your girlfriend? No.
She's, uh, seeing one of her shrinks.
Listen, there's something I have to tell you Okay.
Claire was at the Cheesecake Mill, and she thinks she saw Sadika there holding hands with another guy.
She thinks? Well, yeah.
I mean, she's pretty sure.
We do not all look alike, you know.
Well, hey, I'm not saying this to hurt you.
Really? Because it seems to me that you are.
What?! I think that you are so envious that you would invent a story just to hurt me.
Whoa, whoa.
You just so left the realm of reality right now that you may be hitting Pluto.
Pluto is in reaty.
Okay, well, you know what I meant.
Justin, I am sorry that your girlfriend is rude and chews with her mouth open, but I am your friend, and you should be happy for me.
Raja, it's not like that at all.
I believe that it is.
Okay, well, talk to Claire.
You'll see.
I do not have to.
I will talk to Sadika.
This is more an aside, but here's how not to get a ride when hitchhiking in Medora.
USA! USA! Raja.
We were not expecting you.
Hello, Mrs.
Sadagatmal.
Is Sadika here? Raja? Were you at the Cheesecake Mill today? May I speak with Raja alone? Sadika.
Please, Mother.
I will be in the other room.
I am sorry to even ask you this, but Claire thought she saw you there with someone today.
I was there.
With Matthew.
Matthew.
He has a name.
Raja, I I like you.
I like you very much.
Holding hands with Matthew is a strange way of showing that.
Can't I get to know you and get to know Matthew while I figure these things out? Sadika.
Don't you want to meet other girls, too? So that yocan know that you are making the right decision.
I have already changed so much.
The mere fact that I am getting to know you without being engaged or married This is not how it works where I come from.
And to be frank, I thought you shared the same values.
I'm sorry, Raja.
I'm a Muslim girl, but a Western girl, too.
Please tell your family knowing them has been my pleasure.
Raja? Sadika's father wants to know if you can help him lay down some insulation in the attic.
Of course.
I really must learn to say no.
Oh, he's home now.
Yeah, I got to go, Dal.
Bye.
Raja was devastated, but one thing about my mom Come here.
.
she cleans up her messes.
I am sorry for how I spoke to you about your girlfriend.
Oh, she's, um She's not my girlfriend anymore.
We broke up.
How did she take it? Well, uh, I have a fake Facebook page now that says we're boyfriends.
Still, I was patronizing and pompous.
And you were right.
Oh.
Usually I'm the one apologizing to you right now.
I enjoy that more.
I never understood these games.
But they are quite useful for blotting out the world.
Yeah.
Plus you can take out all your aggression on whoever.
I'm thinking of Donna.
I am thinking of Matthew.
Well, if you hold B and tap A, you can decapitate him.
Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
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