Big Nate (2022) s01e18 Episode Script

1
- It's that juicy time
of year again.
That's right, kids.
The Rackleff Blueberry
Festival is here!
And this year,
PS 38 is gonna dominate
in the annual blueberry contest.
Now, I'm sure you'll all
remember the disgrace
that was last year's festival.
Galvin, my man, we've got
this blueberry competition
in the bag.
- Presenting Jefferson Middle
School's blueberry entry!
[all gasp]
- It's beautiful.
- It burns so good!
- And this year's
gonna be different.
Our very own Mr. Galvin
has been working on something
absolutely diabolical.
[laughs]
Take it away, Fontaine.
- [grunting]
Principal Nichols, children,
as you may already know,
I've been spending a lot
of time at school,
and less and less time
at home with my family.
- That makes me uncomfortable.
- Thanks to my negligence
as a husband and father,
I've been able
to devote myself to developing
a genetically
modified blueberry.
[all gasp]
- My hope is that it will
be the largest blueberry
the judges have ever seen.
- Better food through chemistry.
Wave of the future.
Okay, now, whoever wins
this year's
annual blueberry contest
gets a year's supply
of blueberries.
I smell blueberry pancakes
in our future.
Do you smell it?
I smell it.
I smell it right now.
Ahh!
Oh, I almost forgot.
Mrs. Godfrey has
an announcement to make.
- Thank you, principal.
I'd just like to remind you
walking blackheads
that your essays on the history
of the Rackleff Blueberry
Festival are due today.
- [gasps]
- I'm guessing you forgot.
- Pfft, no, I didn't.
Yeah, I totally did.
Ah!
[upbeat music]
- Don't want to go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
Big Nate ♪
[loud clang]
[loud crash]
- All right, so maybe I forgot,
but I had to finish
my new Dr. Cesspool comic.
- Ahh!
- What seems to be the problem?
- My head hurts!
- I can fix that.
- Ahh!
- [cackles]
- I feel so much better.
Ahh!
- Just another day in the office
of Dr. Cesspool, ha-ha!
- Ah, what can I say?
Genius struck.
- You know I love me
some Dr. Cesspool,
but, Nate, you could
fail social studies.
- Ugh, I knew you guys
wouldn't understand.
- I understand, friend Nate.
One time, I missed sheep
kissing contest in my village
because was so busy drawing
award-getting graphic novella,
"A Long Way From Home:
"A Stylgravian boy dreams
of journeying to America.
Go freedom!"
- Wow.
Artur, that's a long title.
- [speaking Stylgravian]
- May I see friend Nate
comic strip?
- Oh!
[laughs]
You are most excellent
cartoonist, Nate.
I understand why you
must finish comic strip
instead of write
blueberry essay.
- See?
Artur gets it.
- Hmm.
- I will write essay for you,
so you can all the time
draw more hilarious comics.
- Wait, Artur,
that is "ridonculously" nice.
Wa-wa are you sure?
- I have it for you by lunch.
Bye, friends.
- Man, if that guy
got any cooler,
I'd have to keep
my sodas in him.
- Right?
Wait, Artur is not cool.
He is a piece of dry toast.
- Yeah, well, that
piece of dried toast
just buttered your butt.
[both laugh]
- Saved I meant saved.
- Nah, I think
you meant buttered.
- Oh, Nate.
[laughter]
[grunting]
- Panda for you
and fresh bread for you.
- Ugh.
- [slurping] Ah!
- Got my blueberry paper,
g-nerd?
- Oh.
- I called you a "g-nerd"
because you're a geek
and a nerd.
Get it?
Hey, I can't read this.
You wrote it in some
weird foreign language.
- It's called cursive.
- We'll see about that.
I got my eyes on you, Pope.
Any wrong move and you're
pulverized turkey meat.
[laughs]
- [sighs]
What?
"Meet me at lunch
behind the portables.
Signed, your ally"?
- Oh, man, we finally get pizza,
and it's blue.
- Friend Nate, I have blueberry
festival paper for you.
- Whoa!
Artur, this is
This is incredible.
It even looks like
my handwriting.
And is this
[sniffs]
Blueberry ink?
- Ho, ho, yes, is true.
I crushed blueberries
with my own feets.
- Hm.
- Nate, can I lick your essay?
- Yeah, maybe later, Chad.
- Artur, this food
is disgusting.
Can you eat it for me?
- Be there soon, my love.
- Yeah, so Artur's esophagus
can handle anything.
- "Be there soon, my love."
Ugh.
What Jenny sees in that ingrown
toenail I will never know.
- Hello.
Now is not the time
to be dissing on Artur.
He just did you a huge favor.
You owe him big.
- Oh.
I don't owe Artur anything.
This was just a frenemy
helping out a frenemy.
No big deal.
- Nate, this is serious.
If you don't do something nice
for him now,
that debt you owe him
will weigh on you.
My uncle Pedro
once owed a guy a goat,
and that debt goat
haunted him, bro, literally.
He had to hire a "pet-cercist."
[goat bleats]
- I don't owe
Artur diddly squat.
- [humming]
Ah!
Kim, you're my ally?
- I've been watching
you, Francis,
watching Randy take
advantage of your
mouse-like disposition.
- Mouse-like?
- You remind me of myself
before I learned how
to defend myself
against the haters.
[humming]
- Hmm, what are
you drawing, Kim?
- My destiny.
- Oh, Kim loves Nate.
- [growling]
[dramatic music]
[cackling]
♪
[sobbing]
- I can help you,
but it's not going to be easy.
- Hey, I'm willing
to try anything.
Well, aside from jumping
out of an airplane,
mountain climbing,
deep sea diving,
scallop scraping.
- Ugh.
- You're gonna owe Artur.
You're gonna owe Artur.
- No!
- Oh, friend Nate.
- [panting] Yes, Artur?
- It is time
for Artur bacne popping.
♪
- Ah!
- Jenny, my love,
will you marry me?
- Yeah, sure.
Artur, how did you afford
this ginormous ring?
- Friend Nate sold
all his spiky hair.
And his teeth.
- The kidney transplant
was a success.
Unfortunately, the same
can't be said for the donor.
- Thank you, friend Nate.
- Earn this.
Earn it.
[gasps]
- Doctor, he's flatlining.
- Don't just stand there.
Get his other kidney!
- Ahh!
Oh, Teddy was right.
I have to do something
nice for Artur,
or I'll keep owing
him favors forever.
- Friend Nate, what is this?
- Oh, this?
Oh, it's nothing.
Just that I slaved away
in my kitchen
all night baking you
these delicious cupcakes.
- Mmm.
Oh, sorry, Nate, but I am
super allergy to cocoa bean.
- Oh, no, no, no, no,
don't worry.
There aren't any cocoa beans
in these, just chocolate.
- Oh.
You are funny, friend Nate.
Here, I finish your homework
for four weeks,
so your comics you can focus on.
- You didn't.
- Ha-ha, yes,
because unlike you,
I am at jokes not so good.
See you later.
- [sniffs]
Oh, it smells like someone
stepped in debt goat, bro.
- [growls]
I can be just as nice as he can!
This means war.
- Kindness wars!
- [growling]
- Hey, cleaned
your locker for you.
No need to thank me.
- Oh, crazy coincidence.
I also just cleaned your locker.
[upbeat music]
- [groans]
Saved you extra beans, Artur.
- Oh, thank you, Nate.
I am not have any beans for you.
- Pfft.
[laughs]
- Instead, please enjoy
all-you-can-eat
Stylgravian feast.
[both gasp]
- Ugh.
I got you this
from the space museum.
You can pretend
it's a real rocket ship.
- Oh, why pretend?
I got us tickets to space.
- Touché, Artur.
Touché.
- Today begins your training.
If you want to stand up
to your haters,
you have to learn
to channel your inner Kim.
- So I have to become you?
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, you wish.
I said "channel," Francis.
Pay attention.
To be truly un-trollable,
you must have the focus
of a super-brained gorilla
Gloria the Bunny is
getting hangry, Francis.
The strength
of a billion honey bees,
and the heart of a unicorn.
We have to have a signal.
- A signal?
- Observe, Francis.
A unicorn horn.
I'm basically a unicorn
in human form.
- Like this?
- Yep.
When you see the signal,
you'll know it's time
to channel your inner Kim.
Okay, now, onto the last
chapter of your training.
[A-ha's "Take On Me" playing]
- Uh, what am
I supposed to do here?
- Duh, you dance.
♪
Come on, no, one's judging,
except for Josephine
the Giraffe over there.
♪
- We're talking away ♪
- That's it.
Dance your troubles
away, Francis.
- I'll say it anyway ♪
Today's another day
to find you ♪
- You might be
wondering why I have
my enemy's so-called
award-getting graphic novella
in my hands.
[chuckles]
Intel, baby.
I have to get into the mind
of the kindness czar himself.
Okay, let's see.
[clears throat]
"Our story begins in the middle
"of a potato field,
where a little boy named
- Artur Peshkov was born.
[baby crying]
Artur's mother knew that
Artur was a little different.
For one thing, Artur's
first word was cheeseburger.
Cheeseburger!
[blows raspberry]
So when mother gifted
Artur with sheepdog
on his first birthday,
he named him Cheeseburger.
Artur and Cheeseburger
did everything together.
[dog barking]
- Until one day when
Cheeseburger got very sick.
[dog whimpering]
- Cheeseburger,
what matter, boy?
Come back to me.
Cheeseburger!
- No!
[sobbing]
I'm not crying.
You're crying!
[bell rings]
- If he's a frog,
then why is he a mushroom?
- [gasps]
[dog barks]
- This is Stylgravian sheepdog!
He even has fleas!
Oh, Nate, oh!
- We're finally even.
[laughs]
- Ah, blueberry meatloaf.
- No, school cannot
afford blueberry,
so I use balls
of blue wax instead.
[chuckles]
- Mm-mm-mmm,
the blueberries are so chewy.
- What you did this morning,
that was genuinely kind, Nate.
- [laughs]
That was just
a brilliant attempt
to even the scales with Artur.
- Yeah, 'cause God forbid
you do something altruistic.
[stomach grumbles]
- Uh-oh.
Oh!
[belches]
- [laughs]
- [sighs]
Ah!
- [laughs]
- [growls]
- Hey, fart sauce,
lay off of Francis.
- Aw, the g-nerd needs his
g-nerd friend to talk for him.
[thunder crashes]
- Uh, what's a g-nerd?
- [clears throat]
[unicorn neighing]
[both growling]
- I can speak for myself.
[all gasp]
- He said what?
- I'm tired of your incessant
bullying, Randy.
I'll no longer be
your punching bag.
- Oh, yeah?
- [gasps]
- And what are you gonna do
about it, g-nerd?
- Ah
[sighs]
Nothing.
- [laughs]
- [groans]
- [whimpers]
- I better not see you
at the Blueberry
Festival tomorrow
because if I do, your face
Ahh!
- Hey, don't worry, Francis.
We won't let that meathead
lay a finger on you again.
- No, if you try to help me,
it'll just make things worse.
Besides, I've decided
for reasons that have nothing
to do with Randy
that I'm not going
to the Blueberry
Festival tomorrow.
- But, Francis,
you love blueberries.
- Unlike you, Nate, some people
have to do their own homework,
no matter how much
they love blueberries.
- [sighs]
[somber music]
[gags]
- Ha, yeah, I didn't catch that.
Could you say that again, Nate?
- Dude, you look like a tomato.
- [gagging]
- Woo-hoo, yeah!
I'll save you,
bosom friend Nate!
- [gagging]
[heroic music]
[all gasp]
- Dude, chew your food!
- Nate, Artur just
saved your life.
- Of course he did.
Ahh!
- I'm so glad you are okay,
bosom friend Nate.
That reminds me.
Guess what I named sheepdog.
- Please, no.
Ahh!
- I named him Nate.
Seeing you at the Blueberry
Festival tomorrow, friends!
- [sighs] It's over.
He won.
- Yeah.
Oh, you're indebted
to Artur for life, bro.
[goat bleats]
- Nate Wright!
- Whoa!
- And the day just
keeps getting better.
- I don't understand it and,
in fact,
suspect you of foul play,
but you had the best
blueberry essay hands down,
which means
you will have the honor
of reading your essay
at the festival tomorrow
next to Galvin's giant blueberry
in front of everyone.
So good luck with that!
[laughs]
- Better and better, right?
[groans]
[crying]
I'm gonna be Artur's
indentured servant
for the rest of my life.
I bet he's gonna
make me pop his bacne.
- Bro, you're gonna have
to even the kindness scales
again if you're gonna
want to get out of this.
- How, Teddy?
Artur saved my life.
I mean, the only way
I could make things even
is if I saved his life,
and that's totally
[gasps]
Wait a minute.
That's it.
[cackles]
- Hm?
- I've got a plan,
and it involves
a giant blueberry.
[engine rumbling]
- What are you doing here, Kim?
- You have to go to the
Blueberry Festival, Francis.
- I can't.
I'm busy doing, uh, this.
[scatting]
- Hide from Randy now,
you'll be hiding from people
for the rest of your life,
which will be hard
because of your big
orange clown hair.
- Wait.
You know what?
You're right.
- So what are you waiting for?
Hop on.
[upbeat rock music]
You better hold on tight,
spider monkey.
- [screaming]
[upbeat music]
- Oh, hello, Nate.
Look at that blueberry.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, Artur,
since we're such good friends,
I thought it'd be nice
if you were up here with me
while I give my speech.
- Oh, what an honor.
- Yeah, yeah, big honor.
- I knew the blueberry
was gonna be big,
but, Fontaine,
is this even legal?
Never mind.
Don't tell me.
The important thing is,
there's no way
Jefferson's blueberry
can top ours this year.
- Move it, make way
for the Jefferson blueberry.
Ha-ha.
- Ha, you see?
Look, look, Galvin,
they came empty-handed.
- Hmm.
- We'll win for sure.
- Jefferson rules!
- [gasps]
- Why, it's the tiniest
blueberry I've ever seen.
- This is a miracle
of blueberry nanotechnology.
Jefferson wins again!
- [sobbing]
I'll never win
against Jefferson!
- Bosom friend Nate, now is the
time for reading your essay.
- But, Artur, you wrote it,
and you took me into space,
and you saved me from choking
on a blueberry meatloaf, and
- Friend Nate, in Stylgravia,
we have saying.
It goes, when a buzzard flies
into a windmill,
the whole village gets feathers.
- Yeah.
I think I know what you mean.
- Oh, friend Nate.
- Is that the signal?
- I think so.
Whoo!
- [laughs]
- Ahh!
- No, my baby!
[dramatic music]
- [grunts]
- Just the g-nerd
I've been wanting to see.
And, look, you brought your
g-nerdy g-goof friend too.
[dogs barking]
- Hey, down in front.
- Ahh!
♪
- [whistles]
- You know why I don't
like you, Francis?
Because you think
you're better than me,
with your cursive
and kale chips.
Blech!
[laughs]
[panting]
- Channel your inner Kim,
Francis.
- Huh?
- Dance.
- But there's no music.
- No duh.
The music is inside of you.
[A-ha's "Take On Me"]
- Ahh!
[crash]
♪
- What?
What are you doing, g-nerd?
[both humming]
[dramatic music]
- [sighs] This is all my fault.
- What?
Surely you could not
have seen this coming.
- I unleashed the giant
blueberry on you, Artur,
on purpose.
I mean, of course, I was
planning to save your life
right afterwards, but
[sighs]
I just wanted to even
the kindness scales with you,
so I wouldn't be indebted
to you for the rest of my life,
you know?
- So all of those nice things
you did for me
was just paying me back?
- [sighs]
I guess I'm just not
as good of a guy
as you are, Artur.
- But that is not true.
You let me replace you
as lead singer
in Fear the Mollusk,
even though I know you
really want to be front man.
And I never get such
a thoughtful gift as sheepdog.
- Well, look,
I hope you like blueberry
because it looks like we might
be stuck in here for a while.
- Don't give up so easily,
bosom friend Nate.
Here.
Do like I do.
[both grunting]
- Uh, Kim, I ran out
of music in my head.
- I don't know what that was,
but you're gonna pay for it!
- [whimpering] Huh?
[dramatic music]
- It's working.
We're slowing down.
- What I tell you, Nate?
We bosom friends can
accomplish anything.
♪
- Francis, use your powers
to stop the blueberry.
- Kim, you know
I'm a man of science,
and what you're telling me
to do is just impossible.
[unicorn neighing]
♪
[crying]
[A-ha's "Take On Me"]
[sighs]
[grunting]
♪
[dramatic music]
♪
- How'd you do that, g-nerd?
- I just had
to channel my inner Kim.
Oh, and by the way,
g-nerd is a redundant insult.
Geek and nerd mean
basically the same thing.
Ugh.
- Whatever.
Just keep your mutant
g-nerd powers away from me.
- Francis, Kim?
- Wow, Francis,
I knew your powers were strong,
but not this strong.
- Ew, ew, ew.
No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, stay away, stay away!
[CRYING]
- Mmm, sweet.
[upbeat folk music]
♪