Family Reunion (2019) s01e18 Episode Script

1 I want y'all to meet my family They're coming down south To stay with me - Big Moz - Do you love me? - Yep - I'm Cocoa! Jade in the house I've got a lot to say I'm a big sis Can't-miss renegade - Call me Shaka now - Hey - I'm the I'm the chief rocker now - Hey Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi, Mazzi That's me - Little mommy, I'm Ami - Hey Singing loud and having fun It's Family Reunion Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
I'm not so sure about reading Jade's journal, Shaka.
It feels like we're snooping.
You don't get it since you're the only child, but the first rule of the sibling game is to stay one step ahead of your sister.
By reading her innermost private thoughts? Her lock combo was one, two, three.
She's practically begging for me to read it.
Well, uh, what are you even looking for? Anything I can use against her.
Ah-ha-ha, jackpot! According to this, Jade's been sneaking out to see Royale.
Her new boo.
Why, God? Why? Look.
"This time it's for real.
I like like Royale.
" It cuts like a knife.
Trust me, you're better off without her.
The Jade you see? She don't wake up like that.
Put it back.
Betraying her privacy's not right.
I'm gonna have to tell Jade.
Not if you want a future with her.
You think she's gonna want you after you've read her innermost private thoughts? Whew! Wait, what are you talking about? You made me look at it.
You could have closed your eyes.
Now you're just as dirty as I am.
Jade was right.
You really are the demon seed.
That's Jade! Hide! If we're real still, she won't see us.
That only works in movies.
Hide! Mmm.
It's pretty good, huh? It's sugarless, flourless and gluten-free.
It's okay.
Something is missing.
What? Flour, sugar and gluten.
All right, Mr.
McKellan! Oh, that suit looks sharp.
I would hug you but I don't want to get cut.
I am impressed.
- You pulled out Armani.
- Mm-hm.
Being a host on What's Up Football is Moz's dream job.
I hope he gets it, because baby needs a new pair of shoes.
I love What's Up Football.
Charlie Ward is a Georgia boy and a Christian.
Yeah.
I used to watch him play in Thomasville as a kid.
This is the best day of my life.
Uh, you mean after our wedding day? Stop putting words in his mouth, Cocoa.
I'm gonna be sitting between him and Miles McPherson.
Reverend McPherson.
Now he was a Charger.
Oh, he was saving touchdowns and then he started saving souls.
Won't he do it? Yes, he will.
If this goes well, it could lead to other hosting opportunities.
I'd have a second chance at being in the game.
Well, I made you a lucky apple pie.
Now be sure to get an autographed picture of Charlie and Miles for me.
Oh, so you really are a Charlie Ward fan.
Oh, yes, he won the Heisman and then, for ten years, he was in the NBA.
He is one of the finest athletes to come out of Georgia.
After Daddy, of course.
I said what I meant.
You want to come so you can meet him? Oh, I'd love that.
Let me get my purse! All right, meanwhile, I'm gonna have some of my lucky apple pie.
No! I'm gonna give that to Charlie and Miles.
You made it for me.
I'll make you another one! Grow up! Well, there's plenty of flourless cake.
Oh, I don't want to get any flourless crumbs on my suit.
Okay.
Well, do you want to try some? Sorry, but I don't want to get any flourless crumbs in my mouth.
Welcome back to What's Up Football.
We're here with former Seahawks tight end, Moses McKellan.
What up, America? Moz McKellan in the hizzouse! You're starting out a little hot.
Let's talk some football.
Let's check out this clip.
So in this play, Seton throws the ball to Clayton.
He jumps up and, before he's even touched, drops the ball.
And he had the nerve to protest that he was down.
He clearly wasn't touched.
I know that's right.
Even Stevie Wonder could see that he wasn't touched.
As a matter of fact, after that play, he called me up, "Miles that dude wasn't even touched.
" As a former Super Bowl champion tight end myself, I have to respectfully disagree.
I love you, son, but you're wrong.
Clayton popped up without the ball.
Thank you, lady who shouldn't be speaking while we're taping.
- Who's that? - It's my mom.
I'm his momma and a fan and I I got y'all a gift.
Oh, I love gifts.
Come on up.
You don't Ah! Oh! Shout out to the Heavenly Way Baptist Church! We in here! Ah, oh, it is so nice to meet you two.
I'm Amelia.
My son, Moz, he calls me M'Dear.
And this here, this is a double-crust apple pie.
Oh.
This is apple pie? What? I think I just fell in love.
Would you stop flirting with my momma? So, M'Dear, I see you know a little bit about football.
I know Clayton couldn't catch a cold if he was butt naked in Alaska.
Which isn't half as cold as it is in Green Bay.
Can I get an amen? Can you bring a chair for M'Dear? Oh, go on, push over, baby.
Oh, they're a little slow.
Thank you.
Go on now, okay.
So, M'Dear, how would you like to take us to commercial? Oh, I couldn't do that.
- Where's my camera? - Right there.
We'll be right back with this message from Little Caesars.
Pizza, pizza.
Think fast! If that ball would have hit me, I would have hit you.
Hard.
Well, that would be a Royale mistake.
What did you say? I wouldn't want you to do anything Mom and Dad might frown upon, like I don't know sneak out of the house to see your new boyfriend.
You read my journal? I am going to kill you! Not unless you want me to tell.
What do you want? Not much.
Just for you to become my personal assistant.
For how long? Until I leave for college.
But I leave first.
Will you though? - Okay, you know what? I'm about to - About to what? - I thought so.
- Hmm.
I'll ring when I need you.
Bye-bye.
What? Just testing.
Leave me.
It feels good to be king.
This is Charlie, me and the director.
Oh! And this is me and Miles in the green room.
And let me tell you a secret about the green room.
It's not really green.
It's nice.
- Where are you, Moz? - You see that guy taking pictures? - No.
- That's me.
So when are you gonna be on TV, Daddy? It was on live.
You didn't watch it with your mom? Ah Well, here's the thing.
- Hmm.
- Okay, I-I was gonna watch it - Mm-hmm.
- but there was a car chase I couldn't get away from.
On the news? No.
Magnum PI.
But I DVR'd it so we can watch it with you.
Hm.
Well, you missed a good show.
Charlie and I bonded over playing ball in Georgia and M'Dear sealed the deal with her apple pie.
Thank you, M'Dear.
You're welcome, baby.
Do you think you can bring a pie to my school? We have a quiz coming up and I need all the help I can get.
Oh, well, I'll see what I can do.
Make that two pies.
I don't have a quiz coming up.
I just need all the help I can get.
Make that three.
You need help too? No! I just love your pies.
And I forgot to do my homework yesterday.
Oh, it's Charlie calling.
It's Charlie calling! Oh! He's probably calling to invite you back to guest host.
I bet you're right.
I mean, I was pretty good.
So you think you should answer it? Right.
Hey, CW! Can I call you CW? Oh, okay, Mr.
Ward Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Oh, you're right.
I don't know you like that.
No, we had a great time at the show, M'Dear did too.
Oh, you You want to talk to her? Oh, okay.
Hello.
Charlie? Oh, yes, I can call you CW.
What? You want me to Oh, stop playing.
Oh, get out! Just stop playing.
You're not playing? Oh.
Well, okay.
Well, I'll see you then.
Oh, that CW is crazy.
What did he say? Uh, he wants me to guest host the show tomorrow.
Oh, what about me? Well, he didn't mention you, but I'm sure he's gonna want you to come in at some other time.
Maybe you should call him.
No, I'm good.
Would you rather I didn't do the show? No, of course not.
I'm happy for you.
Oh, well, then, good.
I'm gonna go pick out my outfit for my return to the screen.
Oh, CW is crazy! Are you sure you're okay with this? Sure.
Why would you even ask? Because it looks like M'Dear hijacked your job.
What? You know you were all thinking it.
I was.
It's cool your parents let you stay over when they're out of town.
Oh, they're not out of town.
They just wanted me to leave.
Okay, Shaka.
I mowed the lawn, I took out the trash and I did all the rest of your chores.
Did you do an excellent job? Of course I did.
Dang it! Now M'Dear will never believe I did my own chores.
You've got to think, Jade.
I'm thinking some things right now.
Care to share them with me and Mom? No.
- Can I go now? - Not yet.
I'm out of grapes.
Be a dear and fetch me some.
Oh, in fact why don't you hop to it? Like a bunny.
Hop to it yourself.
Oh so you want me to tell Mom and Dad about your midnight rendevusses? It's rendezvous.
Well, no matter how I pronounce it, you're still in trouble.
Come on, Shaka, this is cruel and unusual punishment.
I know.
Isn't it great? I'll be in my room.
You can hop there and feed them to me.
Then you can clip my toenails.
This is ridiculous.
It is, gingersnap.
It is.
And, I'm sorry, I have to make things a little worse, but my love for you won't allow me to keep a secret.
What did you do? I read your journal too and I've got to say this Royale sounds all wrong for you.
You what? I know what I did was wrong and I'd do anything to make it up to you.
Anything? Elvis if you want to make this right give me something on Shaka.
I can't do that.
That's too bad.
I was really hoping you could help me out.
You didn't hear this from me, but Wow, you look great.
- Thank you.
- You ready? And thank you for agreeing to drive me to the studio.
I don't remember you asking me.
You told me I had to take you.
I said please.
No, you didn't.
Please.
Now hurry up.
- Bye, Dad.
Have a good day.
- I'll try.
Oh, Jade! What? I'm parched.
Can you get me some water with three ice cubes? Not two - not four - Mm-hmm.
but three, and make sure they don't touch.
We're not animals.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you get them yourself? Don't make me tell Mom about you sneaking out.
Mom! Don't make me tell her you dented her car with your bike.
Never mind! How could she know that? Shaka why don't you hop like a bunny and get me some water? No, no.
On second thought crab walk.
Now, Jade, you didn't like it when he did it to you.
Yeah but revenge tastes sweet.
Crab walk! Ooh, fun! Welcome back to our new segment that we call "M'Dear Said Knock You Out.
" Oh! "M'Dear Said Knock You Out!" That's cute.
"Moz Said Knock You Out" would sound good too.
So a lot of players make boneheaded plays that cost their teams games.
Some are filed under "things that just happen in the course of a game.
" Other miscues are so bad, they deserve a pie in the face.
M'Dear, you will decide that.
Are you ready? If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready.
All right.
First up, Bryce Kincaid.
Bryce forces the ball to a covered receiver and it gets intercepted.
M'Dear, what do you think of that play? Oh, that's easy.
All Kincaid had to do was fall on the ball and they would have won.
More importantly, I would have won 20 bucks, so M'Dear is gonna have to knock you out! And you owe me 20 bucks.
And she wants her money.
Next up, we have Dion Chambers.
His team was up five points and all he had to do was hold onto the ball.
Dion barely got touched.
You know, he's got a hole in his hand and a pie in his face! And there we have it.
M'Dear says a pie in the face for Chambers.
Now for our final player.
M'Dear, we've got a special surprise just for you.
Moses "Mad Dog" McKellan.
My baby? That's right.
It's well known Moses had a few anger issues in his past.
Look man, I said I didn't want to do any interviews.
Back up! I asked nicely! Man, get that camera out of my face! You know what? That wasn't Moz.
What? It was a tough loss.
Moz just lost his temper.
That's not the first time.
I know you ain't talking, Miles.
I remember when you tackled the Bengals' mascot.
That mangy cat stole my end-zone dance.
You stole that from the Solid Gold dancers.
We're not talking about Miles here.
We're talking about Moz.
Nobody talks about my baby! It's my show.
I talk about whoever I want to talk about.
You'd better watch your tone, young man.
You might want to call security.
I'm serious.
She can take them both.
I think you're just scared to throw the pie at your son.
I ain't scared to throw a pie at you! You might be crazy, but you're not that crazy.
Shouldn't have called her crazy.
M'Dear knocked you out.
Give me your pudding or else.
Give me your pudding or else.
Let's talk.
I have dirt on you and you have dirt on me.
Yeah.
Ready to make a deal? What you offering? Simple.
I won't tell Mom that you dented her car with your bike if you keep your mouth shut about me sneaking out to see Royale.
Deal.
Okay.
Wow.
For being so dirty, I have never felt so clean.
Welcome to my world.
And welcome to my world.
You snuck out to see Royale even though your father expressly forbade it? Shameful.
- I'm gonna leave you to discuss - No, no.
Hold on now.
You put a dent in my car? Come on, Mom, it's not a dent.
It's just a dit.
Mm-hm.
He also violated my privacy by reading my journal.
So, technically, he's a little bit worse than me.
You both are on punishment until I tell you otherwise.
- This is all your fault! - No, no! This is both of your faults.
What do you want, traitor? What are you talking about? Jade and I are on punishment and it would have just been Jade if you would've kept your mouth shut.
Come on, Shaka.
We're talking about Jade.
You know she's got a hold on me.
Does it look like I care? You sold me out.
Our friendship is over.
Mmm.
Wow.
This pie is delicious.
It was too good for Charlie and Miles.
I don't know what I was thinking.
Yeah, I'm never watching that show ever again.
It's Charlie.
Hello? Yeah, hi, Charlie.
I see.
I see.
Okay, then.
All right, bye.
You need me to go back down there? Actually, no, but I do.
Moz, what are you gonna do? I'm gonna go to work.
Charlie and Miles said that they felt bad about what happened and apologized.
Well, that's great.
Nobody apologized to me.
You threw a pie in the man's face.
Well, I did it for you, baby.
I know, M'Dear, I know.
Good looking out.
Anyway, the network really likes me and they've asked me to fill in for Miles while he's on vacation.
I'm going in now to talk details.
Moz, that's incredible.
Aren't you excited? No.
I'm cool.
I'll see y'all later.