Family Ties (1982) s01e18 Episode Script

I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed and I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la hello.
Hello, yeah, hello.
My name is Elyse Keaton, and I'm regional chairperson for the vietnamese relocation services.
Oh, oh, great.
You've heard of us.
Well, uh, what we need is for you to donate some of your time, help with employment opportunities, maybe even send a small check.
Oh, you would.
Well, that's very generous.
Well, we were all foreigners to these shores at one time.
I'm sorry, Mr.
running bear.
Just send the check to, uh, the office 421 cathcart.
Thank you.
Bye.
Another check? Mom, you're doing great.
I think it's great the way you've got everybody pitching in.
Even Alex, which blew my mind.
Yeah.
Who would have thought Alex would want to be a big brother? Not me.
Who would have thought that someone would want Alex? Not me.
Hi.
Steven: Hey.
So, what did you guys do today? Well, I picked up ming after school, and we went to the library.
They were showing a film, "the Dewey decimal system and you.
" Wow.
Did you have trouble handling the excitement, ming? Actually, it was very interesting.
And the librarian's a knockout.
That's true.
I meant that in a bibliographical sort of way.
After Alex woke me, we went out and got an ice cream soda.
And then Alex asked this girl Uh, ming, that's, uh, guy talk, remember? Gotcha.
Gotcha.
That's the best thing about having a big brother Guy talk.
Hey, ming, do you think you'll have time to go upstairs and play with my slot cars? You're on.
I get to use the blue one.
Uh, ming, I-i don't think you do have time for that.
I was kind of hoping you'd be able to read this before your mom got here.
That way we'd have something to talk about tomorrow.
What is it? Oh, it's, uh, just a little something I threw together.
It's kind of a "weekly reader" version of the "U.
S.
news and world report.
" Just think of it as a companion piece to my "wall street journal" summaries.
Can't I take it home with me, Alex? Ming, it's my only copy.
Are you sure you don't want to chain it to his wrist? No, Jennifer.
Alex is right.
This will be more fun.
I can play anytime.
I'm going to the dining room to study this.
What a kid.
You know, this really excites me Shaping his ideas, molding his mind.
Now I know how you guys must have felt when I was growing up.
No, you don't.
Alex, you know there's more to being a big brother than just trying to mold him in your image.
I know that.
And I and I love that.
It's great to have a little guy to take places, a little guy to ask me questions, a-a little guy It's great to have a guy who's littler than me.
You have a satisfaction of giving, the joy of sharing, the pleasure of extending yourself to another human being.
Right, and it's gonna look great on my résumé.
Hello.
Hi.
I'm nguyen tanly.
I'm ming's mother.
Hi.
I'm Elyse Keaton.
This is my husband, Steven.
Steven: Hi, come on in.
Hello.
Our daughters, Jennifer and Mallory, and, well, you know Alex.
Oh, please, have a seat.
Oh, thank you.
It's so nice to meet you all.
I've heard such nice things about you from ming and Alex.
Thank you, Alex.
Actually, most of it was from ming.
Well, you know, it wouldn't look right for me to brag about my own family.
You must be so happy to have Alex as a big brother.
I don't know if "happy" is the word I would have chosen.
Girls, why don't you go let ming know his mom is here? I gave him some pretty interesting stuff.
It's gonna be hard to tear him away from his reading.
Yeah, it's going to be.
He looks so cute when he's asleep.
How you doing, Jennifer? Okay, but my tongue's getting yucky.
Why don't you guys switch jobs? You can stuff the envelopes, and Mallory can lick them.
I don't want to mess up my lip gloss, mom.
That's okay, mom.
I don't think we have time to retrain her.
Oh, hi, gang.
Hi, dad.
Hi, sweetheart.
How was it down at the station? Oh, a little disappointing.
The ratings for "oh, my Ohio" keep slipping.
Oh, but that's a wonderful program.
It's informative, it's entertaining, it's educational.
Well, what was it about last night? Uh, last night? I didn't actually see it last night.
Dad? Uh, I-i meant to see it.
I saw it.
It was about highway repair.
If any potholes spring up in the living room, call me.
How's it going here? Okay.
We're getting out the announcements for the circus benefit.
I have a lot of big surprises there, too.
As long as there's nothing that involves me and a tiger.
Alex home? No, he's out with ming.
Uh, they went to a lecture on money management for success-oriented adolescents.
Same kind of thing we did when we were kids.
Huh? Alex, you're supposed to be his big brother, not his twin brother.
No, he picked it out all by himself.
I said he could buy any outfit in the store he wanted, or I'd buy him this one.
Guess you were short of cash, huh, ming? We also got these.
We're gonna hang them up in our rooms.
I'm gonna take these upstairs.
I want to hang up mine now.
I'll bet nobody else has a great big picture of Alex in his room.
Alex does.
Wow.
He's hard to keep up with.
You having a good time with him, ming? Well, the time of my life.
Alex is the greatest.
He's brainwashed him.
Oh, I know Alex can be a little intense at times.
He's probably just going through a phase.
Yeah, that's what we thought at first.
Now we think it's nutritional deficiency.
All right, what do you want to do now? Let's look at the chart.
What kind of chart is that? Oh, well, when I took on the responsibility of being ming's big brother, I had to reorganize my time.
It wasn't easy, but I think I've got it worked out.
See, I mapped out all my activities School, chess club, girls, special girls, susie farkas.
Well, commerce department hearings start in a few minutes.
What say we go upstairs and get our notebooks ready? But, Alex, what about free play? Well, we had free play yesterday.
I'm a kid, Alex.
I need to play every day.
All right, you've got, uh, four minutes.
What do you want to do? I guess the mile run is out.
Whatever you want to do, Alex, is fine with me.
Well, why don't we go outside and toss the football around, then? We've got time for, uh, 23 throws each, allowing for miscellaneous flubs.
I say we go for it.
Let's go for it.
You're gonna go for the whole four minutes, huh, Alex? Why not? Life is short.
Hello.
Uh, just a minute.
Alex, it's for you.
I'm busy with my little brother, dad.
It's susie farkas.
We'll play tomorrow.
Steven.
How do I look, huh? I am so nervous.
I've never been in charge of a circus benefit before.
You haven't? Why didn't you tell me that before we got married? Steven, how do I look? You look great.
Oh.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Mwah.
Mwah.
It's Saturday.
Can't you two take the day off? We're workaholics.
Where's ming? We thought it'd be better if he made a grand entrance.
Come on down, ming.
Ah.
Oh! You look terrific.
What a wonderful costume.
Are you a happy clown or a sad clown? I'm happy.
Alex is taking me to the circus.
Ah, we're gonna have such a good time.
The opening ceremonies start at noon, and then there's the main circus events, and then there's the big brother/little brother parade.
Aah! Oh, hey, hey, Alex.
Where have you been? Oh, we had a meeting of the debate club.
It ran a little long.
We kept arguing over what time to stop.
Alex, what do you think of ming? Ming, what are you Oh, boy.
Big brother/little brother circus day, right? What are you going as, Alex The owner of the circus? It's today, huh? Well, isn't it on your chart? Uh, yes.
Yes, it is.
I guess I forgot.
Well, no big deal.
You're here now.
While you're getting into your costume, we'll be putting the cakes and cookies in the car.
Uh, ming, we have a little problem here.
You see, uh, I really did forget about the circus.
That's okay.
You've got a lot on your mind.
No, you don't understand.
See, I forgot.
I-I made other plans.
Oh.
Yeah, we got a meeting of the young entrepreneurs' club today.
I'm taking pictures for the yearbook.
I'm sorry, but I won't be able to go to the circus with you.
That's okay.
Do I look like someone who'd want to go to the circus? Maybe a little.
I got a great idea.
Why don't I go to the meeting with you? That way we can still be together this afternoon.
Don't be silly, ming.
You're gonna have a lot more fun at the circus.
Fun's not that important, Alex.
You taught me that.
Look, ming, you're going to the circus.
You're gonna have a great time with my family.
What about the big brother/little brother parade? I'll take you next week.
We'll walk around together.
Uh, they're waiting.
You'd better get going.
Okay.
I'll have a great time with your folks.
They're very nice.
They helped me put together this outfit, with makeup and everything.
Yeah, and you look great.
They drew a big mouth on you and a big nose.
They even drew a little tear.
Every time we go to the circus, it's always the same thing.
You know you guys shouldn't eat all that stuff, but you go right ahead and do it.
Once in a while, we just can't resist.
I guess I'd better go upstairs and change.
Thanks for taking me.
Yeah.
Ah, honey, it was our pleasure.
I'm sorry you didn't have such a good time.
I had a really good time, a great time.
What made you think I didn't have a really good time? Well, most kids don't cry during the high-wire act.
I was worried about them.
Hi.
How you doing? Hey, Alex.
Alex.
So, how was the circus? It was great.
A man put his head inside a lion's mouth.
I hope he worked there.
Uh, girls Why don't you take ming for a walk? Are you kidding? It's freezing outside.
Then walk him around the dining room.
They're trying to get rid of us, aren't they? You got it.
Okay, let's split.
Alex, how could you Alex, what did you have I'm sorry, Elyse.
Go ahead.
No, that's okay.
You start.
You started speaking first.
I don't mind.
Look, I know what you're gonna say, and you're right.
I shouldn't have let ming down like that.
I took on a responsibility, and I didn't handle it at all.
I let him down.
I let myself down.
I let everybody down.
I'm sorry.
Well, I guess we told him.
Hope we weren't too rough on you, Alex.
Hey, Alex, "oh, my Ohio" is on.
You know that show you've been telling me about? That's all right, ming.
That one's a repeat.
Listen, can I talk to you for a minute, alone? Sure.
Well, I-i guess we should see it at least once.
Oh, it's a great segment tonight.
Uh, "downtown akron An evening in Byzantium.
" So you liked the circus, huh? Yeah.
I'm sorry you couldn't come.
Did you have fun tonight, too? No, no fun.
Well, maybe we can have fun now.
We can plan my teen years like you wanted.
Uh, listen, ming T-things are getting very busy for me at school right now.
I-I belong to several clubs and organizations.
You're vice president of the young entrepreneurs.
And and then there's my busy social life.
Jill, and sometimes Linda.
You know, actually, Jill is out.
I met this girl Brenda at the meeting tonight.
Wow.
Uh, look, ming, uh This relationship isn't working out at all.
You just met her tonight, Alex.
No, ming I mean me and you.
T-this big brother thing just isn't working out.
What do you mean, Alex? Well, let me see if I can explain this to you.
Um The chemistry just isn't right between us.
I-it happens in a lot of relationships.
Ronald Reagan and Alexander haig.
Richard Nixon and spiro agnew.
Diana Ross and the supremes.
Well, she's done very well on her own.
Look, I'm dragging you off to the library when you'd rather be in a ball park.
I'm putting you in ties when you'd rather be in t-shirts.
I'm a failure at this.
You must sense that.
Look, what I'm trying to say Under the circumstances, I shouldn't be your big brother anymore.
Alex, what's wrong with ming? He was crying.
Well, I just told him I couldn't be his big brother anymore.
Nice going, Alex.
It's a good thing e.
T.
Didn't land here.
Mallory, don't forget, we have to send a receipt to everyone who sent a donation.
Yeah, I've taken care of that.
What's in the box over there? Oh, that's from macgregor's department store.
There should be something for the families there.
It's a fondue set.
These are all fondue sets.
What are vietnamese refugees going to do with fondue sets? Same thing we do Put them on a top shelf and never use them.
Hey, Alex.
Want to give us a hand here? Yeah, sure.
Where have you been? Walking.
Just walking.
Where'd you go? Nowhere special.
I've been there.
Hey, have you girls looked through your closets for things to donate? No, I forgot.
I'll go do that right now.
I looked.
I need some more summer clothes.
Let's go thin out your wardrobe.
Anything you want to talk about, Alex? No, not really.
You don't seem very happy lately.
You've been moping around for days.
If I've been moping, it's just because I've had more time to mope lately.
That's all.
Thought I'd take advantage.
Did you put it on your chart? No, I didn't have to.
It comes under miscellaneous emotions.
You sure it's not about ming? Ming.
No.
No.
He's out of my life.
Alex, you can admit it.
You shouldn't be ashamed because you miss him.
Miss him? Dad, I made up my mind in the beginning to refrain from becoming emotionally attached.
And that's exactly how I've stayed.
Ow.
What is that? That's one of ming's clown shoes.
Yeah.
You see, dad, emotional attachments Why should I miss the kid? He's nothing like I want my kid to be.
You mean Francis Scott Keaton, to be born July 4, 1999? Yeah.
Look, Alex.
I once wanted a son who shared my interests, who loved camping and the outdoors, played starting forward on a basketball team, was against increased defense spending.
Sound like anybody we know? Sounds a little like a combination of grizzly Adams, Julius erving, and George mcgovern.
Also sounds a lot like you.
Well, I didn't get what I thought I wanted, even though I tried for a while.
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, Alex, Alex.
That's not what I mean.
Look, I had no right to expect you to be just like me.
I got a different kid.
He's, uh, bright, sensitive about other things, and an expert on supply-side economics.
And I love him very much.
I couldn't be happier.
You know, I'll never forget the first day I met him.
I wore plaid, he wore stripes.
I was afraid we'd clash.
But we looked great together.
It's nice that you remember that, Alex.
It's not an easy day to forget.
He had such a cute walk, one foot in front of the other.
And then when he ran, it was the same thing, only faster.
I didn't plan on becoming emotionally involved.
But this crazy thing just happened.
You don't plan those things, Alex.
You don't control them.
What do you do? Just go with it.
Alex.
This is a surprise.
Yeah.
It's kind of a surprise to me, too.
Can I come in? Oh, sure.
Please.
Hi.
Remember me? Yes, you do.
I'll leave you guys alone.
Don't worry, mom.
Alex won't be here for long.
So This is your place, huh? It's nice.
Very nice.
Uh, this is your bed? Uh-huh.
It folds back into a couch.
It's very practical.
So, uh, I guess you sleep here, then.
Right.
In the bed.
That's the place for it.
Were you always this boring, Alex? I'm nervous.
I always talk like this when I'm when I'm nervous.
Sometimes I just ramble on with no idea what I'm saying.
I think this is one of those times.
Yeah.
I-i just wanted to come by and say hi and, uh, give you this.
Thanks.
But I don't know when I'll be dressing up like a clown again.
Yeah, well, always makes a great paper weight.
My mom's getting me a new big brother.
Bigger than you.
I guess there's no chance you'd take me back, huh? Why should I? Because I miss you, ming.
You've got a lot of nerve, Alex.
You dump me, and then because you miss me, you expect me to take you back? I'm not saying I deserve you.
I'm just saying I want you.
You don't want me.
You want a little you.
You want someone that looks like you, acts like you, and thinks like you.
Is that how I acted? Yeah.
I can't be Alex.
I've got to be ming.
We had a lot of good times, ming.
Going to the movies, tossing the ball around, guy talk.
If you don't want to read "the wall street journal," y-you don't have to.
If you don't want to be a young republican, it won't bother me.
What if I want to be a liberal democrat? Why would you possibly Alex.
I'd be with you.
I wouldn't like it, but I'd be with you.
Well I already got your picture up.
Welcome back.
It's great to be back.
Well I guess you can take the dart out of my nose, huh? Not so fast.
We'll have to see how you do.
I'm gonna be okay.