Gintama (2005) s01e18 Episode Script
Oh Yeah! Our Crib is Number One!
Lucky charm dolls from Planet Wheeler.
They make any wishes come true.
You can make the wish and give it as a gift too! Is that for real? Yeah, yeah, it's so for real.
What's your wish, young man? Tamagoyaki Tama? I wish she'd get better at making tamagoyaki.
[Space Monster - Stefan.]
Thanks, man! This doll looks awfully familiar What was it? Huh? [Stefan.]
[Space Monster.]
Why does a lucky charm doll have a "Space monster" tag? Excuse me? Run away! [At the Rasta Amanto's street stall, Shinpachi buys a lucky charm doll said to grant wishes.
.]
[Will Shinpachi's wish ever come true? And what is "Space Monster Stefan"?.]
[Kodokan Dojo.]
Sis, I'm home! Oh, well.
You have to believe in stuff like this first.
Maybe a miracle will occur and my sister's omelet will be much better.
It's not like I was cheated It's not like I got ripped off! Sis, I'm home.
Sis? Oh? Is she out? Die! Wh-What are you doing, Sis?! Are you trying to kill your brother? Oh, it's you, Shinpachi.
Oh, no! Stefan! There's a hole in Stefan's stomach! Don't come back at a time like this.
It's confusing.
D-Don't come back?! How can you say that to your dearly beloved brother?! Look, I had a lot of trouble while you were away.
Your character has totally changed, Sis.
Wh-What happened to you? What happened to me? Just thinking about it pisses me off! No! Stefan! Wait,wasn't it a key part of today's story?! ["Oh, Yeah! Our Crib Is Number One!".]
[Restaurant Battle Royal Host.]
Huh? A panty thief? That's right.
She got hit twice during the days I stayed over at your place.
A chocolate sundae? That's mine.
The hamburger steak, spaghetti Neapolitan and the sandwich are mine.
Can't we do anything about it? Huh? Can't we do anything about what? About the panty thief! Huh? A panty thief? That's right.
She got hit twice during the days I stayed over at your place.
Can't we do anything about it? Huh? Can't we do anything about what? I keep telling you! The panty thief! The panty thief! Right, a panty thief.
This guy heard what I said! They say in the old days, women didn't wear panties under their kimonos.
Young ladies, gals, girls, princesses, all of them! Uh You're referring to a single age group.
You're supposed to say grannies, women, and girls.
You fool! When you talk about underpants, panties, and no panties, it can only refer to young girls! Say, only old guys say panties.
What? For real?! Then scanties are also no good.
Nobody says that these days.
The one I can't stand are thongs.
It took away girls' modesty and the pleasure from men.
I'm wearing a G-string right now.
You're lying! Liar! I'm not.
I've been wearing it for years.
It's so worn out, only the strings are left.
What kind of panties are those?! In a way, it's vintage panties.
It's worthless, not even worth a cent.
Just dump it.
Anyway, women in the old days didn't put on underwear, didn't even wear them.
Wow.
Just thinking about it Even though you're a princess, under that kimonoyou're a wildcat.
That's kinda hot.
Kinda likeshe has this calm demeanor but- Whoa, look out!-secretly she's a wildcat, right? Now is not the time for your weird fantasies and no panties lectures.
The thief stole my lucky panties, damn it! Lucky panties? Are you planning on going to Vegas, sister? Hell yeah! And it's gonna be a high roller night, fool! Don't underestimate me.
So, what do you want? You want it back for your gambling run? Or would simply getting it back satisfy you? I want my panties back And then I want to slowly break every bone in the thief's body.
Sis? That's not what a civilized, panties-wearing person would say.
It's more of a naked-jungle-warrior type of statement.
A panty thief is the enemy of all women, uh-huh! Big sis, I'm with you on this one! Oh, Kagura-chan! Well said, my sistah! Come! Let's pledge our sisterhood with a drink.
Osu! Wait! Wait! Someone will die! You two are way too dangerous! This is bad! The deadliest combatants in the world have joined forces.
Forget about it.
We already know who the culprit is, right? Huh? Who could it be? Huh? Am I caught? Nah! But maybe I am? Whoa, I really am caught?! What?! Are you suspecting me, you bastards?! There's no way a samurai would do something so vile and low as stealing panties.
There's no way a samurai would stalk a teenage girl either.
I may be a stalker, but I would never steal panties! I'll sue you! You're the one who's gonna get sued! So this is it for the Shinsengumi, eh? What a joyous occasion! Wait! Wait! Wait! Look at this! What's this? "Masked Loincloth Bandit Strikes Again.
" He's the petty thief that's been terrorizing the city recently.
As the name suggests, his costume is weird.
He wraps a red loincloth around his face And runs through the darkness in his briefs Only stealing pretty girls' panties And tosses them to guys who can't get dates.
A weird sicko.
What is that? Some perverted version of Robin Hood? I see So that's the story behind these panties.
I thought it was a present from Santa.
You've got one?! And you thought it was from Santa?! It's totally out of season! Shut up! Kabukicho's Santa works 24/7 year-round! That means the thief thinks you're a loser who can't get girls.
How pathetic! Check out your own kimono, pal! Looks like Santa perv paid you a visit too! Th-This isn't a charity panty from the Masked Loincloth! That makes it worse, doesn't it? What?! Oh?! So you're saying the same guy stole Otae's panties? Precisely! Every girl in Edo has been the victim of this panty thief.
But due to his public popularity, especially from nerdy men, the police are having a hard time capturing him.
So the pervert thinks he's a benevolent thief? I can't stand it I can't stand it one bit! How the hell does he know I can't get a girl?! No! The panties! The 35th [Tiki Tiki Mission: Capture the Masked Loincloth!.]
Tiki Tiki Mission: Capture the Masked Loincloth! Yeah! Now a word from the committee chief executive, Mr.
Isao Kondo.
Ahem! The Shinsengumi exists to keep peace in this city.
What is peace?! It's the right to live safely! For people to live in happiness.
The small happiness of each person will create peace for the whole city.
Therefore, Shinpachi-kun.
Protecting your sister's panties is also our mission.
Boy, when it comes to making stupid excuses, our commander is the best.
Hey! By the way, what is the Shinsengumi doing here? For revenge Right, Hijikata-san? What an idiot to give Hijikata-san charity panties.
No mercy! His eyes are totally serious! Buh-Bump! Mission: Capture Masked Loincloth using full of women.
[Buh-Bump! Mission: Capture Masked Loincloth using full of women.
.]
Yeah! What do you mean by "full of women"?! Well, let's get started again.
This time, we've decided to use a decoy operation with the full cooperation of Miss Tae Shimura.
Decoy operation? Oh! I'll offer my lucky panties.
It'll knock you out like Mickey Rourke's Cat Punch.
Cat Punch! Hold on! That's too hardcore! Normal boys can't handle it.
They'll run their ass off.
Then How about this? Oh Packs the same punch that knocked Akebono down.
Knocked No! No! No! That's way too maniacal! Guys Think a bit more about the brother who has to see his sister's panties over and over again, will ya? It's worse than watching a love scene on TV with your whole family.
And that's how a boy climbs up the ladder to adulthood.
You there! Don't summarize it so easily! Watching your sister's panties is nothing! Hijikata-san saw his father wearing a bra.
I see.
It was so shocking that his pupils are still wide open to this day.
Like hell they are! I'm risking my life and my panties here! Stop messing around and get to work, you idiots! Y-Yes, ma'am.
Big sis, you're so cool! Listen up! He is a genuine pervert who prefers quality over quantity when it comes to girls' panties.
Therefore he'll definitely sneak in here again.
And that's when we capture him.
I don't care if he's the Mask Loincloth or Masked Panty thief, we cannot forgive the way he tramples over a girl's innocence and a man's pride.
All pumped up and ready to kick some ass, we'll bring him down with a single blow! We'll stain his white briefs red with his own blood! Yeah! Excuse me?! Aren't you all becoming a bit too psychotic over a panty thief? I meanDo we really need the Shinsengumi for this? What are you saying?! Even I can Ouch! Now, now I thought something like this would happen, so I brought these from the warehouse in the castle.
What's this? How should I put it? Something likeland mines? Not "something like"! That's exactly what it is! I had a hard time sneaking them out under strict supervision.
"Takes a thief to catch a thief", eh? Just like that?! Place these mines in the surrounding area, and this old dojo will become an invincible and secure fort.
It can stay as an old dojo! It's illegal! It's totally against the Geneva Convention! That's that.
We have our own rules.
Don't talk like some mom would! A land mine is a weapon of war! No, it's not.
The official name is "Something likea land mine.
" You're kidding me! Shin-chan.
This is a battlefield.
If you're scared, go home, little girl.
But, sis This is my home.
It takes a real samurai to embrace the battlefield as their home.
Well, that's not exactly what I meant.
Accusing someone as suspicious and killing them without argument.
I haven't done this for a long time.
Huh? Huh? Accuse? Whoa! NoWe might as well pierce through them.
Pounding them is much better than that How about we tear them up and pluck them out? Twisting, breaking, rolling and boiling? Hey, hey! You two are scaring us! Ouch My back hurts.
It's not like working on a farm! It's the most dangerous construction work in the world! Quit being annoying, Yamazaki! How come I always get It's because your blood is so sweet.
My blood sugar level? We don't care about your blood glucose I don't see any signs of the thief appearing.
Perhaps he won't come at all.
I mean, not only today, but never! Don't worry, he'll come.
What's your reasoning for that? Look at those panties just hanging out in the open like that.
What panty thief could resist it?! But it's too obvious! You can tell it's a trap! Shin-chan.
The more difficult the task, the more encouraged the thief gets.
How the heck would you know?! What if he's a wussy thief? I don't care who the thief is.
Let's just grab someone and say he's the thief.
If we can agree on a story, it'll work.
Someone as in who?! Agreeing on what?! Hey, stop yelling.
If the crook hears you, it'll ruin the surprise.
What's ruined is your brains! And it's freakin' hot, damn it! What did you say, you bastard?! How 'bout I ventilate your face! Hey, don't push me.
It's too hot! If you think I'm gonna even let you, then you're wrong! Should we help them out? When you fight, give it your all.
Go until your opponent can't stand up.
My fist wants to fight too! Somebody! Let my fists taste your blood! Hey, stop! No fighting! You guys are just getting testy because of the heat.
All right, let's take a break.
Shut up, mite beards! Shut up, ass hair! Shut up, Mr.
Tangle.
Shut up, miso bread.
Shut up, Gorilla.
It's just the heat, right? That's gotta be it.
Oh, why don't I get something cold? It'll help calm everyone down.
Azuki bean ice cream! Something sundae-like! Baagen-Daaz ice cream! Seafood vinaigrette! Beef bowl and tonjiru bento! With a 500 ml bottle of Mayonnaise on the side! G-Green tea.
Alright, already.
I'll get them, just chill out.
Good grief Oh, Kondo-san blew up! Well, it was hot after all.
I guess that would blow you away.
Yeah right! He stepped on his own land mine.
He didn't remember where he placed it, what an idiot! Uh wait a sec, guys Don't tell me you all don't remember where you set up the land mines? Oh dear! The mailman will get blown to bits tomorrow morning.
Now isn't the time to say that! Th-That man Where there's light, there is shadow.
Where there's men, there is a baldie.
Pulled by the elastic bands of panties, Tonight, I run the path of men's dreams! Masked Loincloth Bandit, at your service! Hysterical! You guys are priceless! It appears you've prepared a warm welcoming for me, but it's all in vain! This sucks! He came at the worst possible moment! Did you really think I'd fall for such childish tricks? You've underestimated the Masked Loincloth, the greatest bandit! If you come up here, I'd fight you! You can bite your fingernails and watch as your panties are handed over to perverts, otakus, cherryboys, and delusional horny S.
O.
B.
's! Here I come! It's what you'd call, "taking extra measures".
Go, Yamazaki! Beat'em up! You got it, Vice-commander! Die! What the hell did he show up for?! Silly Shinsengumi.
Tah! There was a land mine placed under the floor too, huh? Yup, looks that way Hey! That's You fools! You can't defeat me with something like this.
Perverts, otakus, cherryboys, and delusional horny S.
O.
B.
's across the country await my return! Their voices give me power! Can't you hear their voices? "Masked Loincloth, please! Give us hope!" "Rough nylon, smooth silk, fluffy cotton.
Anything is fine! Just one pair of panties is enough for us to live another day.
" "Then we can stand tall and keep going!" Can you hear their silent cries?! Failure is not an option! In the Masked Loincloth's honor, I will to return to them! Wait! Keep your filthy paws off of Otae-san's panties! I haven't even touched them yet, damn it! Kuh, let me go! You gorilla with a butt-hair chin three seconds short of a man! You think such descriptive abuse would make me flinch?! Odd Jobs! What are you waiting for?! Hurry, I'll let you have this one! No need to tell me.
Hold on tight to his hairy legs! It looks like I get the last laugh, after all! Never underestimate What?! a woman! There's no way I'll give my panties to someone who won't even show his face.
If you really want it, approach me directly, naked from head to toe.
I meanwith an open naked heart.
In this right hand, I have not a single pair of panties! Sis! Big sis, you're the best! Hijikata-san, actually, I gave you the charity panties.
What?! Ha ha! It was a joke.
A joke! You wanna die? Wait! Stay there! [Preview.]
The beach? No can do.
Looks like the beach is closed off because of a man-eating alien.
What? There's a reward for that alien? All right! This summer is going to be fly fishing for aliens! The next episode: "Why is the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!" ["Why is the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!".]
[This year's summer fad for the young modern kids, the beach house's special beach samurai shirts.
.]
[By the way, aren't you guys jumping to conclusions, too quickly? Oh well, guess we'll go for our last spurt!.]
[Present.]
[Masked Loincloth Bandit IV.]
Here's a fabulous gift for you losers watching anime alone at such an hour! Send us a postcard addressed below with your address, name, age and the reason why you can't get a girl.
We're looking forward to hearing from you No, we aren't!
They make any wishes come true.
You can make the wish and give it as a gift too! Is that for real? Yeah, yeah, it's so for real.
What's your wish, young man? Tamagoyaki Tama? I wish she'd get better at making tamagoyaki.
[Space Monster - Stefan.]
Thanks, man! This doll looks awfully familiar What was it? Huh? [Stefan.]
[Space Monster.]
Why does a lucky charm doll have a "Space monster" tag? Excuse me? Run away! [At the Rasta Amanto's street stall, Shinpachi buys a lucky charm doll said to grant wishes.
.]
[Will Shinpachi's wish ever come true? And what is "Space Monster Stefan"?.]
[Kodokan Dojo.]
Sis, I'm home! Oh, well.
You have to believe in stuff like this first.
Maybe a miracle will occur and my sister's omelet will be much better.
It's not like I was cheated It's not like I got ripped off! Sis, I'm home.
Sis? Oh? Is she out? Die! Wh-What are you doing, Sis?! Are you trying to kill your brother? Oh, it's you, Shinpachi.
Oh, no! Stefan! There's a hole in Stefan's stomach! Don't come back at a time like this.
It's confusing.
D-Don't come back?! How can you say that to your dearly beloved brother?! Look, I had a lot of trouble while you were away.
Your character has totally changed, Sis.
Wh-What happened to you? What happened to me? Just thinking about it pisses me off! No! Stefan! Wait,wasn't it a key part of today's story?! ["Oh, Yeah! Our Crib Is Number One!".]
[Restaurant Battle Royal Host.]
Huh? A panty thief? That's right.
She got hit twice during the days I stayed over at your place.
A chocolate sundae? That's mine.
The hamburger steak, spaghetti Neapolitan and the sandwich are mine.
Can't we do anything about it? Huh? Can't we do anything about what? About the panty thief! Huh? A panty thief? That's right.
She got hit twice during the days I stayed over at your place.
Can't we do anything about it? Huh? Can't we do anything about what? I keep telling you! The panty thief! The panty thief! Right, a panty thief.
This guy heard what I said! They say in the old days, women didn't wear panties under their kimonos.
Young ladies, gals, girls, princesses, all of them! Uh You're referring to a single age group.
You're supposed to say grannies, women, and girls.
You fool! When you talk about underpants, panties, and no panties, it can only refer to young girls! Say, only old guys say panties.
What? For real?! Then scanties are also no good.
Nobody says that these days.
The one I can't stand are thongs.
It took away girls' modesty and the pleasure from men.
I'm wearing a G-string right now.
You're lying! Liar! I'm not.
I've been wearing it for years.
It's so worn out, only the strings are left.
What kind of panties are those?! In a way, it's vintage panties.
It's worthless, not even worth a cent.
Just dump it.
Anyway, women in the old days didn't put on underwear, didn't even wear them.
Wow.
Just thinking about it Even though you're a princess, under that kimonoyou're a wildcat.
That's kinda hot.
Kinda likeshe has this calm demeanor but- Whoa, look out!-secretly she's a wildcat, right? Now is not the time for your weird fantasies and no panties lectures.
The thief stole my lucky panties, damn it! Lucky panties? Are you planning on going to Vegas, sister? Hell yeah! And it's gonna be a high roller night, fool! Don't underestimate me.
So, what do you want? You want it back for your gambling run? Or would simply getting it back satisfy you? I want my panties back And then I want to slowly break every bone in the thief's body.
Sis? That's not what a civilized, panties-wearing person would say.
It's more of a naked-jungle-warrior type of statement.
A panty thief is the enemy of all women, uh-huh! Big sis, I'm with you on this one! Oh, Kagura-chan! Well said, my sistah! Come! Let's pledge our sisterhood with a drink.
Osu! Wait! Wait! Someone will die! You two are way too dangerous! This is bad! The deadliest combatants in the world have joined forces.
Forget about it.
We already know who the culprit is, right? Huh? Who could it be? Huh? Am I caught? Nah! But maybe I am? Whoa, I really am caught?! What?! Are you suspecting me, you bastards?! There's no way a samurai would do something so vile and low as stealing panties.
There's no way a samurai would stalk a teenage girl either.
I may be a stalker, but I would never steal panties! I'll sue you! You're the one who's gonna get sued! So this is it for the Shinsengumi, eh? What a joyous occasion! Wait! Wait! Wait! Look at this! What's this? "Masked Loincloth Bandit Strikes Again.
" He's the petty thief that's been terrorizing the city recently.
As the name suggests, his costume is weird.
He wraps a red loincloth around his face And runs through the darkness in his briefs Only stealing pretty girls' panties And tosses them to guys who can't get dates.
A weird sicko.
What is that? Some perverted version of Robin Hood? I see So that's the story behind these panties.
I thought it was a present from Santa.
You've got one?! And you thought it was from Santa?! It's totally out of season! Shut up! Kabukicho's Santa works 24/7 year-round! That means the thief thinks you're a loser who can't get girls.
How pathetic! Check out your own kimono, pal! Looks like Santa perv paid you a visit too! Th-This isn't a charity panty from the Masked Loincloth! That makes it worse, doesn't it? What?! Oh?! So you're saying the same guy stole Otae's panties? Precisely! Every girl in Edo has been the victim of this panty thief.
But due to his public popularity, especially from nerdy men, the police are having a hard time capturing him.
So the pervert thinks he's a benevolent thief? I can't stand it I can't stand it one bit! How the hell does he know I can't get a girl?! No! The panties! The 35th [Tiki Tiki Mission: Capture the Masked Loincloth!.]
Tiki Tiki Mission: Capture the Masked Loincloth! Yeah! Now a word from the committee chief executive, Mr.
Isao Kondo.
Ahem! The Shinsengumi exists to keep peace in this city.
What is peace?! It's the right to live safely! For people to live in happiness.
The small happiness of each person will create peace for the whole city.
Therefore, Shinpachi-kun.
Protecting your sister's panties is also our mission.
Boy, when it comes to making stupid excuses, our commander is the best.
Hey! By the way, what is the Shinsengumi doing here? For revenge Right, Hijikata-san? What an idiot to give Hijikata-san charity panties.
No mercy! His eyes are totally serious! Buh-Bump! Mission: Capture Masked Loincloth using full of women.
[Buh-Bump! Mission: Capture Masked Loincloth using full of women.
.]
Yeah! What do you mean by "full of women"?! Well, let's get started again.
This time, we've decided to use a decoy operation with the full cooperation of Miss Tae Shimura.
Decoy operation? Oh! I'll offer my lucky panties.
It'll knock you out like Mickey Rourke's Cat Punch.
Cat Punch! Hold on! That's too hardcore! Normal boys can't handle it.
They'll run their ass off.
Then How about this? Oh Packs the same punch that knocked Akebono down.
Knocked No! No! No! That's way too maniacal! Guys Think a bit more about the brother who has to see his sister's panties over and over again, will ya? It's worse than watching a love scene on TV with your whole family.
And that's how a boy climbs up the ladder to adulthood.
You there! Don't summarize it so easily! Watching your sister's panties is nothing! Hijikata-san saw his father wearing a bra.
I see.
It was so shocking that his pupils are still wide open to this day.
Like hell they are! I'm risking my life and my panties here! Stop messing around and get to work, you idiots! Y-Yes, ma'am.
Big sis, you're so cool! Listen up! He is a genuine pervert who prefers quality over quantity when it comes to girls' panties.
Therefore he'll definitely sneak in here again.
And that's when we capture him.
I don't care if he's the Mask Loincloth or Masked Panty thief, we cannot forgive the way he tramples over a girl's innocence and a man's pride.
All pumped up and ready to kick some ass, we'll bring him down with a single blow! We'll stain his white briefs red with his own blood! Yeah! Excuse me?! Aren't you all becoming a bit too psychotic over a panty thief? I meanDo we really need the Shinsengumi for this? What are you saying?! Even I can Ouch! Now, now I thought something like this would happen, so I brought these from the warehouse in the castle.
What's this? How should I put it? Something likeland mines? Not "something like"! That's exactly what it is! I had a hard time sneaking them out under strict supervision.
"Takes a thief to catch a thief", eh? Just like that?! Place these mines in the surrounding area, and this old dojo will become an invincible and secure fort.
It can stay as an old dojo! It's illegal! It's totally against the Geneva Convention! That's that.
We have our own rules.
Don't talk like some mom would! A land mine is a weapon of war! No, it's not.
The official name is "Something likea land mine.
" You're kidding me! Shin-chan.
This is a battlefield.
If you're scared, go home, little girl.
But, sis This is my home.
It takes a real samurai to embrace the battlefield as their home.
Well, that's not exactly what I meant.
Accusing someone as suspicious and killing them without argument.
I haven't done this for a long time.
Huh? Huh? Accuse? Whoa! NoWe might as well pierce through them.
Pounding them is much better than that How about we tear them up and pluck them out? Twisting, breaking, rolling and boiling? Hey, hey! You two are scaring us! Ouch My back hurts.
It's not like working on a farm! It's the most dangerous construction work in the world! Quit being annoying, Yamazaki! How come I always get It's because your blood is so sweet.
My blood sugar level? We don't care about your blood glucose I don't see any signs of the thief appearing.
Perhaps he won't come at all.
I mean, not only today, but never! Don't worry, he'll come.
What's your reasoning for that? Look at those panties just hanging out in the open like that.
What panty thief could resist it?! But it's too obvious! You can tell it's a trap! Shin-chan.
The more difficult the task, the more encouraged the thief gets.
How the heck would you know?! What if he's a wussy thief? I don't care who the thief is.
Let's just grab someone and say he's the thief.
If we can agree on a story, it'll work.
Someone as in who?! Agreeing on what?! Hey, stop yelling.
If the crook hears you, it'll ruin the surprise.
What's ruined is your brains! And it's freakin' hot, damn it! What did you say, you bastard?! How 'bout I ventilate your face! Hey, don't push me.
It's too hot! If you think I'm gonna even let you, then you're wrong! Should we help them out? When you fight, give it your all.
Go until your opponent can't stand up.
My fist wants to fight too! Somebody! Let my fists taste your blood! Hey, stop! No fighting! You guys are just getting testy because of the heat.
All right, let's take a break.
Shut up, mite beards! Shut up, ass hair! Shut up, Mr.
Tangle.
Shut up, miso bread.
Shut up, Gorilla.
It's just the heat, right? That's gotta be it.
Oh, why don't I get something cold? It'll help calm everyone down.
Azuki bean ice cream! Something sundae-like! Baagen-Daaz ice cream! Seafood vinaigrette! Beef bowl and tonjiru bento! With a 500 ml bottle of Mayonnaise on the side! G-Green tea.
Alright, already.
I'll get them, just chill out.
Good grief Oh, Kondo-san blew up! Well, it was hot after all.
I guess that would blow you away.
Yeah right! He stepped on his own land mine.
He didn't remember where he placed it, what an idiot! Uh wait a sec, guys Don't tell me you all don't remember where you set up the land mines? Oh dear! The mailman will get blown to bits tomorrow morning.
Now isn't the time to say that! Th-That man Where there's light, there is shadow.
Where there's men, there is a baldie.
Pulled by the elastic bands of panties, Tonight, I run the path of men's dreams! Masked Loincloth Bandit, at your service! Hysterical! You guys are priceless! It appears you've prepared a warm welcoming for me, but it's all in vain! This sucks! He came at the worst possible moment! Did you really think I'd fall for such childish tricks? You've underestimated the Masked Loincloth, the greatest bandit! If you come up here, I'd fight you! You can bite your fingernails and watch as your panties are handed over to perverts, otakus, cherryboys, and delusional horny S.
O.
B.
's! Here I come! It's what you'd call, "taking extra measures".
Go, Yamazaki! Beat'em up! You got it, Vice-commander! Die! What the hell did he show up for?! Silly Shinsengumi.
Tah! There was a land mine placed under the floor too, huh? Yup, looks that way Hey! That's You fools! You can't defeat me with something like this.
Perverts, otakus, cherryboys, and delusional horny S.
O.
B.
's across the country await my return! Their voices give me power! Can't you hear their voices? "Masked Loincloth, please! Give us hope!" "Rough nylon, smooth silk, fluffy cotton.
Anything is fine! Just one pair of panties is enough for us to live another day.
" "Then we can stand tall and keep going!" Can you hear their silent cries?! Failure is not an option! In the Masked Loincloth's honor, I will to return to them! Wait! Keep your filthy paws off of Otae-san's panties! I haven't even touched them yet, damn it! Kuh, let me go! You gorilla with a butt-hair chin three seconds short of a man! You think such descriptive abuse would make me flinch?! Odd Jobs! What are you waiting for?! Hurry, I'll let you have this one! No need to tell me.
Hold on tight to his hairy legs! It looks like I get the last laugh, after all! Never underestimate What?! a woman! There's no way I'll give my panties to someone who won't even show his face.
If you really want it, approach me directly, naked from head to toe.
I meanwith an open naked heart.
In this right hand, I have not a single pair of panties! Sis! Big sis, you're the best! Hijikata-san, actually, I gave you the charity panties.
What?! Ha ha! It was a joke.
A joke! You wanna die? Wait! Stay there! [Preview.]
The beach? No can do.
Looks like the beach is closed off because of a man-eating alien.
What? There's a reward for that alien? All right! This summer is going to be fly fishing for aliens! The next episode: "Why is the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!" ["Why is the Sea So Salty? Because You City Folk Pee Whenever You Go Swimming!".]
[This year's summer fad for the young modern kids, the beach house's special beach samurai shirts.
.]
[By the way, aren't you guys jumping to conclusions, too quickly? Oh well, guess we'll go for our last spurt!.]
[Present.]
[Masked Loincloth Bandit IV.]
Here's a fabulous gift for you losers watching anime alone at such an hour! Send us a postcard addressed below with your address, name, age and the reason why you can't get a girl.
We're looking forward to hearing from you No, we aren't!