Greek s01e18 Episode Script

- Previously on Greek - Not exactly what I had in mind.
I'm not interested in being anyone's warm body.
- Casey, we need to talk.
- About what? You still want to move back the house? Then do it.
You're officially off probation.
We're moving forward.
Cappie didn't tell you? He's dating Rebecca Logan.
They're dating.
- We could put a hit on her.
- She regenerates like the Terminator.
I'll go tell her I'm an idiot.
I want her back.
I finally realized no matter what I say or do, I can't change the past and I'm done trying.
- Finally ready to move on.
- What if I was less of a jealous idiot? Then I'd think maybe we could be friends.
- Friends? - Think about it.
Ready to get your ass kicked? Ready to kick yours actually.
Please.
You dogs are all bark.
- What did you call us? - You heard me.
Care to make things a little more interesting? - Like a bet? - Are you even allowed to? Isn't gambling a gateway behavior back to bitchery? Well, you're the expert.
- So what are your terms? - Losers are on laundry duty for a week.
What an amateur.
Losers are on bathroom duty Fraternity bathroom duty.
Sounds good.
Losers clean their winning team's bathrooms.
We're on.
I forgot how good you are when you're bad.
Don't be silly.
I've sworn off bad, remember? ZBZ fest is our annual philanthropy event in which every fraternity at CRU competes for the ZBZ fest cup as well as the title of big cat on campus, which was named after our famous ZBZ mascot, PussyWillow the Cat.
Aside from bragging rights, all of the money you raise through this week's activities will go to charity.
And as your coach, I will be guiding you through each event, - which will test your - Talent, endurance, and athleticism.
That one should be easy for you guys.
As for the events, we have the scratching post pole cross contest, the kitty kennel phone-a-thon, the sitting kitty seesaw sit.
And the crowning event of ZBZ fest, the Mr.
Purr-fect pageant.
And you guys know what that means.
Pick the brother who looks best in a speedo.
Kidding.
Well, thank God.
'Cause I'm a thong man.
Where was I? All right, the Mr.
Purr-fect event Will be worth the most points.
- Are you guys even listening to me? - That's so cool.
My mom taught me.
Hey, Rebecca, do you have a rubber band? Cappie, they're not listening to me.
Guys.
Come on.
Let's show the lady some respect, please.
Is there a problem, Rusty? Then why did you roll your eyes? It's like, the dust.
If that's the case, then I suggest you and the pledges need to keep the place cleaner.
Now for our first practice, I've scheduled four hours of cardio.
Actually, I don't think I'm gonna have enough time to compete in the ZBZ fest thing because I'm a polymer science major.
That's pretty time consuming.
Participation is mandatory for pledges.
She's right, Spitz.
Besides, weren't you just bragging to the guys that you're so far ahead in your classes that you're reading Stephen Hawking for fun? That's right.
You said that.
I remember, 'cause I told Wade you were such a tool.
- I did say that.
- So what's the problem? There's no problem.
No problem here.
There's no problem.
Season 1 - Episode 18 " Mr.
Purr-fect " Kasius & ¤AkaZab¤ - Sub-way.
fr - Seriessub.
com Please, can we Fine.
Do them girl style.
But no more drinks-named-after- body-parts nights during training! But the fuzzy navels were so fuzzy.
Let this sink in take a hit you'll be cleaning up our Shape up or a total drinking ban.
I mean, no wonder no one wanted to coach you guys.
And where is everyone else? Well, we're not that good at getting places On time.
Well, someone in the house needs to make sure you are.
I need an assistant.
Someone responsible.
- I know who'd be perfect.
- Who? Spitter, of course.
He's responsible.
- Rusty's a polymer science major.
- I'm a - It's a really time consuming major.
- Thank you.
- Just trying to help you out.
- Obviously, you don't like each other.
- Good.
We're all on the same page.
- Not good.
I'll pick someone else.
- I want you two to like each other.
- Cap, it's not going to happen.
He's Casey's brother.
And he's the creepy perv who keeps "accidentally" walking in on me during intimate moments and then judging me.
provoking things if she doesn't want to be judged.
- See, the perfect impasse.
- The perfect opportunity for two of my favorite people to learn to get along.
You have a lot in common.
You both like green peppers and wait Olives on your pizza.
I've seen you both trip on the step of that history building.
- This is a match made in heaven.
- Try hell.
Look, you both You both think alike already.
I love it.
Here.
Embrace.
Get back to work! Beaver, who told you You're all wet.
Listen we need to talk, right? I mean, about what happened.
- I was drunk - You know me better than that, Evan.
Yes, it was a drunken mistake.
And we'll never speak of it again.
Good.
Great.
This may sound hard to believe after everything that's happened, but I'd actually like for us to be friends.
And as your friend, I wouldn't let one little kiss jeopardize anything.
Nice hustle.
Now I get why you accidentally forgot the downstairs dryer shrinks everything.
I love new crushes.
New crushes are so fun.
They're also scary.
New crushes lead to new dates, which lead to new relationships, - which led to new breakups, which - Just stop overthinking it.
Just enjoy the totally hot guy who's totally staring at you right now.
Maybe this is fun.
I wish you were our coach.
I know Frannie's supposedly nice now, but I still catch an underlying whiff of evil every time she walks by.
Well, she called you guys first fair and square.
And I am perfectly happy as spirit chair.
I am not shout-y enough for coaching.
It's Michael! My french TA.
Didn't I tell you about him? He's gay.
Well, I think.
- You guys would be so cute together.
- Why? Because we're the only two gay guys that you know? You got it all wrong.
I only think that he's gay.
I don't really know.
But would a straight guy go to axanadusing-along? I wouldn't date a guy that went to axanadusing-along anyway.
- So I think I'll pass.
- Michael! This is Calvin.
Remember, I was telling you about him? Calvin's been to France too.
Michael just got back from France.
- So, how was France? - It was nice.
I went to some lectures.
I saw some art.
- How was it when you went? - I was nine.
I had escargot and then threw up in the elevator of the Eiffel Tower and started crying.
Me too.
You should get coffee, talk more about France.
Well, we are both gay.
So you are gay.
I knew it.
So how about it? Sure.
Why not? Can't move my arms.
I can't lift beer.
Yes, and does that include the exfoliating cuticle Scrub And paraffin dip? Yes, I also need wax.
The non-eyebrow kind.
Thank you.
Bye.
Ridiculous.
How my scheduling Rebecca's grooming appointments helps us win ZBZ fest? I don't know.
Wait.
What did she say? She said she needed to focus entirely on our training schedule.
That's it.
I'm gonna talk to Cappie.
Straighten this out.
Don't you want me to get her off our backs? I'm gonna tell Cappie what a pain she's being.
Dude, are you crazy? You talk about breaking the guy code.
What's that? Bros before hos? Bros before hos is It's just a motto.
All right, the guy code is practically written law.
Is it you have to protect your friends from their evil girlfriends? It's that you have to accept your bro's girlfriend even if you can't stand her or know she's wrong for him.
Guys who are whipped do not tolerate criticism of their girls.
Unless the girl in question is putting your bro in mortal danger, you smile and schedule her waxing appointments.
That's it? And hope they break up soon.
Will you pour this beer in my mouth? Too bad you're not our coach.
You led us to a decisive victory last year.
That's true.
How's it looking this year? Well, I know about the bet.
So don't try to get any inside information from me.
No, but seriously, though.
It would be nice to have you hanging around again.
I figured it was time to try something different.
But it is weird not being around.
So you said you'd like us to try being friends.
Well, I got to thinkin', and I don't see why not.
You know, 'cause we're over each other, obviously we're not angry at each other any more.
Seems like a perfect Fancy meeting you here, coach.
I'm so glad I ran into you.
I have this really great idea.
Hang on.
I can't divulge this in front of the enemy.
Sorry, you know I can't lose that bet.
I'm glad we talked.
I'll see you later.
Come on, Shane.
I can't want to tell you what I came up with.
It's hot.
Do you want me to blow on it until it cools off? I'm saying that I wanted an iced latte.
You didn't say iced.
- I think I did.
- You didn't.
I have a photographic and highly detailed memory.
Well, if you're so smart, why couldn't you figure out that it's too hot out today for a latte? - Well, if you weren't such a - Yes? Dedicated coach, you would have time to worry about lattes.
But you don't.
So I'm gonna go get you another one.
Good.
Okay, everyone.
This is the final heat of the ZBZ fest scratching post.
Once again, whoever makes it across the pole first wins.
Your arms and legs must be touching the pole at all times.
And as a reminder, lewd pole jokes were maybe funny the first time, mildly amusing the second.
But by the sixth, it was just sad.
On your marks, get set Beaver, if you win this, I'll let you make out with me for one minute! We did it.
Don't worry.
This is just one battle.
The war is ours.
Absolutely.
Rebecca told me to tell you all that she can't even look at you right now.
She said something about Beaver too, but I'm not gonna repeat that here.
She went to type up a new training schedule.
We're all supposed to think about our shame.
That was her.
I have to go.
She's taking this a little too seriously, huh? Went a little too far.
Guys? - Don't worry about it.
- Yeah, it's cute when she does it.
Yeah.
Like like a kitten.
Seriously? What could be better than a hot chick orderin'around a bunch of guys? Even I think that's hot.
Well, I guess she is kind of like a Sexy Bobby knight.
- Exactly.
- So we're all cool then? All right, well Dobler's? You are the only other person I know who doesn't like cheese.
Everyone I know thinks it's weird.
I'm not gonna judge you on your cheese-lessness.
Speaking of judging, did you watch ANTM Last night? America's next top model? As in I have two beautiful girls standing before me.
One of them wants this more than anything in the world, but has no personality.
The other one takes beautiful pictures, - but is plus-sized.
- Nice Tyra.
It's been a while.
I haven't watched since I started pledging.
Why not? It's better than ever.
- Really? - Owens, nice work on the pole today.
Work on the pole? - What have I missed? - It's just a ZBZ fest thing.
- You catch Cavaliers game last night? - Man, how sweet was that three-pointer? Lebron is the man.
So, I'll catch you guys back at the house.
I'm so sorry.
I should've introduced you.
Hey, you're under no obligation.
So that's how you want it tonight? Stay away from me.
This usually works a lot better when we're not far from each other.
You're in training.
You need to save up some stamina.
So no sex.
I'll have you know, I have a surplus of stamina.
Okay, I think you're taking this training thing a bit too far.
I haven't heard any complaints.
They've all been really nice to me.
I think they know it's in the spirit of competion.
And if they're not complaing, then as their leader, you shouldn't be either.
- True.
- So I was thinking - We try some role playing.
- Now you're talkin'.
Let me get the costumes.
What do you think? Business woman or lost german tourist? The kitty kennel event is tomorrow.
So how about you practice asking for donations, I'll play reluctant donor on the other end of the line.
This isn't a 900 number by any chance, is it? Got a delivery.
Hey, there's a sorority house next door.
Calvin Owens? That's sweet That a dude sent you flowers.
That looks like, baby's breath over there.
Definitely baby's breath.
I wonder why they call it that.
I haven't seen you this perky since we tried those push-up bras.
Well, it's fun being a coach.
Especially coaching a bunch of guys who are totally angst-free and have no desire to discuss the status of our relationship.
It's refreshing.
We should mix with those guys more.
Guys or guy? 'Cause I think you want a one-on-one mixer with Shane.
I ran into Evan the other day.
Not Evan.
Fun, new guy.
Fun, new guy! And seeing Evan only made me realize how much I need a fun, new guy.
But I do think Evan and I are actually going to be able to be friends.
So what's Shane's major? That's the best part.
Who knows and who cares? All I know is I'm no longer majoring in Cappie or Evan.
Yeah.
No, thank you very much, ma'am.
That's a very, very generous donation.
Okay, I'm done.
Wow.
$300 in 15 minutes? You work fast.
- Let me out, please.
- Someone is sensitive.
Care to share? With you? Let me guess.
It's a Casey issue? Let me guess again.
I'm the last person you want to talk to about Casey.
I get it.
It's okay.
Good work today.
Hey, Frannie, I'm sorry.
Okay, it's not you.
I'm just Casey wants us to be friends, right? I said I was onboard, but I don't think I am at all.
I don't know.
I don't know.
It feels like it might be too late now.
So guess I just gotta accept the fact that we weren't meant to be.
- I don't believe in that.
- Believe in Meant to be.
Fate.
Destiny.
All that powerless crap.
Evan, fate is for poor people.
Otherwise we wouldn't have a state lottery.
You're more in control than you think.
Or at least you could be.
Give yourself a little more credit.
Start using what you've got.
Because You've got a lot.
Hello.
My name is Rusty Cartwright.
And I am a student at Cyprus-Rhodes University.
Today, in association with the Zeta Hello? They hung up again.
Yeah, well, I'd hang up on you too the way you drone on.
I'm not droning.
- You're dronin'.
- I'm reading what's on the script.
You need to loosen up your delivery.
Get off the page.
Think outside the box.
Relax.
Relax.
Relax.
Relax! Give me your script.
Stop staring and make a call.
You've been in there for over an hour and have only raised $2! Everyone else is done.
Hi.
Hi, little girl.
Is your mommy home? No? You're all by yourself? Because I need a special favor.
Hang up.
Are you crying? - Don't cry.
No, that's.
It's okay.
No.
- Hang up.
Hang up! Hang up! God, Rusty, you're trying to get them to donate money, not get in your van! Did Casey ask you to throw this so that I'd lose the bet? You know what? Forget it! Okay.
You're done.
I think I'm gonna stay in here a few more minutes.
Why? Do I scare you? Okay, Rebecca, I don't think you realize - how harshly you come across.
- Spitter, no.
And I don't think harshness would be necessary if you could do just one thing right.
I don't think I need lessons in competence from someone who can't even get a boyfriend without stealing one from my sister.
Please give me dating advice, Mr.
Jen K.
Good luck! Rusty! Hey, Cap.
Hey, what's going on? Rusty seemed upset.
Did Rebecca do something? No.
No.
It's not Rebecca.
Rusty's upset because of Science.
- Science.
- Yeah.
He found out that the guy that invented gravity just died.
Isn't that sad? Beav, Isaac Newton has been dead for like Really? Guess Rusty's not as smart as we thought.
- Office hours are over, but - Flowers.
You didn't like the arrangement? I didn't like you trying to embarrass me to prove a point.
I'm sorry.
All right? I should've introduced you to my brothers and I didn't.
Calvin, I send flowers to guys I like sometimes.
I'm sorry it bothered your fraternity - brothers.
- It didn't.
They were perfectly fine with it because they're my friends.
So what's the problem? The problem is they're fraternity guys, okay? They're not supposed to be nice about things like that.
If I were any other guy, they would have made fun of me.
You know, and then they would've made me clean the toilet with my toothbrush like any other self-respecting fraternity guy would.
Well, my bathroom's a mess.
You're welcome to it.
Actually, my bathroom is pristine and filled with high quality beauty products just like any other self-respecting gay guy's.
Is that okay with you? Look, can we both agree that before I sent you flowers, we kind of liked each other? Agreed.
In that case, I'm gonna be at the gay and lesbian short film festival tomorrow with some friends.
I would love to see you there.
So, Spitter, how many Pi Sigma Thetas does it take to screw in a light bulb? I don't know, Cap.
How many? Silly Spitter, those pretty boys could never screw in a light bulb.
Their hands are too slippery from all the hair gel residue.
What's my line? Just tell me.
What is it? I'll get it.
Cap, you know you're my Mr.
Perfect.
Thanks, babe.
But you don't have a shot in hell of winning the Mr.
Purr-fect pageant.
Not with Rusty in your routine.
I have to take a walk and think about a new approach.
I suggest you two practice.
No matter how futile it is.
I can't take this anymore.
I have to tell you something.
Do we need to take this upstairs? Right.
I know this is gonna be hard for you to hear, but you have to hear it.
Is it that my girlfriend's driving you crazy? And that she's taking this competition way too seriously and tormenting everyone? Exactly.
And that she's emasculating you beyond belief? Yes.
Yes! Thank God.
You guys kept saying that you were fine with her, and I thought I was going crazy.
Why didn't you come to me about this sooner? Well, it was the.
- The guy code.
- The g Good lord.
Do you know how many lives have been lost to the guy code? How much manly dignity? That thing needs to be overturned before it's too late.
Yeah, well, you - Wade and Beaver kept telling me.
- Wade and B Wade spent an entire semester with a very thin mustache thanks to the guy code.
And Beaver, Beaver almost became a Canadian citizen.
It's a very dangerous, antiquated statute, Spitter.
Does this mean you're gonna dump Rebecca? No.
Of course not.
It means we're gonna help her.
She needs us.
- Us? - Yes, us.
I can't do this alone.
Here's what I got in mind.
So how long has it been? About four hours and something.
Wow.
That's $100 raised already.
It's a good thing this is for charity.
I'd have to charge you for the butt chafing.
I don't have anything in here to help that.
But I did bring lots of snacks.
And Because everything's better set to music, right? And some hot cocoa to keep you warm.
I'm suspicious.
None of the other guys got treats on their shifts.
Are you favoring me inappropriately? - Of course not.
- Are you sure? My favoring you is totally appropriate.
So, what's up with you and Chambers anyway? - You guys still broken up, or - Evan and I are just friends.
That's good to hear.
It's good to hear that you think that's good To hear.
I guess we'll have to take a rain check.
Yeah.
I guess so.
Which one? Yeah.
Cocoa.
Thanks.
Thank you for the snacks.
Bye.
- Rain check.
- Rain check.
Bring an umbrella.
Hello, everyone.
I'm Casey Cartwright, ZBZ President.
And this is the Mr.
Purr-fect pageant.
Our top five qualifying teams will compete in this, the final ZBZ fest event.
As you can see from the scores, tonight will decide the winner.
I know I'm biased, but I have to say I'm pretty confident in my team's chances.
Settle down.
Although I do appreciate all your team spirit, let's kick off the night with the interview portion.
First up from this lovely collection of gentlemen is Seth Lubinecki, mr.
Psi Phi Pi.
Please tell me the person who has influenced you the most and why? I admire Mr.
Bill Gates for several reasons.
The least of which is his personal net worth.
Hey, Ash.
What are you doing here? I thought you had a date with Michael.
No.
It wasn't a date.
No.
And I decided not to go.
What? I thought you liked him.
Ash, have you ever been to a gay movie? - Does The devil wears Prada count? - No.
No, I'm talking about an earnest coming of age film where some young kid in Idaho cuts himself while listening to erasure and then comes out to his preacher father who beats him and locks him in a closet.
- That's depressing.
- Exactly.
I mean, why does everything have to be about being gay when you're gay? I'd rather just go see a homoerotic action movie with the brothers.
Calvin, you like Michael, right? I think so.
That Mr.
Gates is a dedicated member of the boy scouts of America.
As am I.
Eagle scout with the silver palm.
You know what, let's go together.
It can't be more depressing than this.
And I need to find a crowd that appreciates my suede slouchy boots.
That's my boy! Go, Evan! Knock 'em dead.
I know you will.
Thanks.
Hey.
Sounded like the crowd really liked you out there.
Thank God.
That is a relief.
Because, you know, if law school doesn't pan out, I've always had this secret desire to be a swimsuit model.
I knew it.
- It's so weird that I knew that.
- Really? - You did know that.
- Totally did.
There he is.
Mr.
Purr-fect.
Don't you think? You know what I think? I think I've got this one in the bag.
Come on.
Let's go make some magic.
Thank you! Thank you very much.
And a special thanks to my lovely assistant.
She's a rare beauty.
Jeff.
I can't believe you forgot to bring timmy the snake.
Wrapping him around Rusty's neck was the highlight of the act.
Don't worry.
I've got something special up my sleeve.
Well, you better if you ever want me to Ever again.
Don't you think that's a bit harsh? Don't worry.
Give me a kiss.
I'm gonna go make you proud.
Rus, come on.
Rus? And now a little something from Shakespeare's lesser known works Troilus and Cressida.
Thought you were small.
Okay.
Time hath, my Lord, a wallet at his back wherein he puts alms To oblivion.
A great-sized monster of Ingratitudes? Those scraps are of good deeds past, which are devoured as fast as they are made - You suck! - Forgotten as soon as done.
Perseverance, dear my Lord.
Perseverance Dear my Lord.
What the hell was that? Shakespeare.
He's one of the greatest authors and writers.
- Could Spitter.
Spitter.
- Seriously? Can you please? Thank you.
Cappie, I know you did that on purpose.
What are you doing? I'm saving our relationship.
By making me lose a bet to your ex and scrub hepatis-ridden toilets? Yes.
Exactly.
- Have you lost your mind? - No.
You did.
I don't know if it was competing with Casey or what, but something made you crazy this week with me, with Rusty, with all the brothers who are my friends.
And guy code version 2.
0 requires me to respect my friends when I'm in a relationship.
You lost it.
And for what? Bragging rights over who looks better in a swimsuit? Since when did you care about collegiate amateur pageantry? You're Rebecca freakin'Logan! - My God.
- Please don't hit me.
Yeah.
Look at him.
He's so cute.
And he has amazing eyes.
I guess I just wish this particular gay guy were a little less - gay.
- Why? Because you're worried about what other people might think? Like your brothers? From what you said, the only thing they're guilty of is being nice when you got some flowers.
So I guess the only problem here is me.
- Breakthrough.
- And I should just Just get out of my own way.
Yes.
And? And and I should go watch some earnest vignettes with a guy with amazing eyes.
It's a start.
And now the results verified by the accounting firm of Zeta Beta Zeta's own accounting major, Ivy.
The winner is Shane! Which means the Lambda Sigs are the winners of ZBZ fest.
Man.
I couldn't have done it without you.
Please, I think your fire juggling sealed the deal.
And you were my muse.
Are you saying I'm inflammatory? I'm saying I'd like to take you out for a celebratory drink.
You know, elsewhere.
I accept.
Let me go gloat for a minute and I'll see you outside.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Hey, Frannie.
'Scuse me.
Hey.
Congratulations, man.
- Best man won.
- Yeah.
Too bad there's no prize money.
See ya.
Shane.
Hey, Shane.
Yeah.
Were you serious about the prize money? Why? I'll pay you $500 to stay away from Casey.
Whatever, dude.
- I'll see you around.
- I'm serious.
You mean, like a buy-off? You can call it what you want.
How about you get out of my face? How about $1,000? Hey! Finally.
I was getting worried.
Yeah.
You know what I don't think I'm up for it tonight.
All right.
Another rain check? Hey, good job, Shane.
I don't think so.
See ya around, coach.
Hold up, guys.
So it's unanimous.
The guy code has officially been overturned.
First order of business in the post guy code era Ferret, your girlfriend is clearly a prostitute.
Second order of business in the post guy code era Hi, guys.
I'm sorry I tormented you.
Despite the fact you lost, I should've been nice to you.
I hope these make up for it.
I'm sorry for being mean to you.
And for making you run all my errands.
And for calling you the first mentally challenged engineering major.
- Polymer science.
- Hence the apology.
Look.
She she even got you your own Your own pizza with your favorite toppings on it.
- Peppers and olives.
- Okay.
Okay.
All right, I guess I can Leave the past week of verbal abuse behind me.
And we can be Acquaintances who tolerate each other.
Acquaintances who tolerate each other.
Actually, I like green peppers.
Well, excuse me.
Okay, so Rebecca.
I'll call you later.
- I'm just trying to help out.
- Everybody say good-bye to Rebecca.
What are you doing here? Let's just say I listened to your advice.
Decided to take a little control of my life.
Good for you.
God.
I can't believe you're actually gonna clean the Lambda Sigs'bathroom.
Well, I, you know, I lost fair and square.
It's time for me to pay up.
- Really? - Of course not.
Okay.
Fraternity bathroom? Are you freaking kidding me? Rebecca and I hired a maid service and had them sent right over.
This is just all so it looks good for Casey.
I don't leave anything to chance either.
- Don't rat me out, okay? - No.
I'm off to the spa to get a massage.
- Tootles.
- Bye.
Hey.
Hey.
So I was in the neighborhood.
Considering I live in the neighborhood.
And I just wanted to see if you could maybe use a study break.
You know, totally casual.
Two friends Having coffee.
That's so funny, I was just thinking I need some coffee.
I know you well.
You do.
Well.