Henry Danger (2014) s01e18 Episode Script

Man of the House

1 [ MUSIC .]
AND THEY HAVE A MINIBAR WITH ALL KINDS OF FUN SNACKS.
LOOK AT ALL THESE FREE SOAPS AND LOTIONS THEY LEAVE IN THE BATHROOM.
OH, WOW, HANG ON, I GOT TO PAUSE FOR A SEC.
HENRY, PLEASE COME VIDEO CHAT WITH DAD! NO, WE'RE DOING A SCIENCE PROJECT FOR SCHOOL! BUT I'M TRYING TO TEXT MARLA AND DAD KEEPS TALKING ABOUT HIS DUMB HOTEL! SORRY! THIS LOTION SMELLS LIKE SUMMER SQUASH.
THIS LOTION SMELLS LIKE COCONUT.
OKAY, NOW WE TAKE THE EGG AND SHAKE IT THUSLY.
YEAH, SHAKE THAT EGG.
SHAKE THAT EGG.
SHAKE IT, BABY.
SHAKE IT GOOD.
SHOW THAT EGG WHO'S BOSS.
SCRAMBLE THAT UNBORN CHICKEN.
WOO.
YEAH.
WOO.
YEAH.
SO, DO YOU GUYS MISS ME? PIPER, ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME? OH, YOU NEED TO GO? NO.
MAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE SWEAT SO MUCH.
IT RUNS IN MY FAMILY.
MY MOM SWEATS IN HER SLEEP.
[ TIMER BEEPS .]
OKAY, TIME'S UP.
NOW, IT SAYS TO TURN ON THE POWER AND THEN PUT THE EGG ON THE ELECTROMETER.
OKAY.
NOW WHAT? WE WAIT.
SEE? THE EGG IS ALREADY STARTING TO SMELL KIND OF-- WAS IT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT? NO IT WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.
I'M ALL RIGHT! IT'S OKAY! I'M FINE! NOBODY FREAK OUT! PIPER, WAS THAT YOUR MOTHER? WHAT'S GOING ON? YOU GUYS, I WAS ATTACKED! WHAT? DID SHE SAY ATTACKED? WHAT HAPPENED? ARE YOU OKAY? YEAH, YEAH, I WASN'T HUR OR ANYTHING.
BUT I WAS WALKING TO MY CAR AND A MAN JUMPED OUT FROM A BUSH AND HE SNATCHED MY PURSE.
NO WAY! HE TOOK YOUR PURSE? WHOA, THAT'S SO BAD! WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME? I DON'T SEE YOUR MOTHER! PIPER! DID YOU CALL THE COPS? PIPER! DID YOU CALL THE COPS? YES, I GAVE THEM DID YOU CALL THE COPS? YES, I GAVE THEM A DESCRIPTION OF THE GUY, YES, I GAVE THEM A DESCRIPTION OF THE GUY, I FILED A REPORT.
A DESCRIPTION OF THE GUY, I FILED A REPORT.
WHY IS JASPER SO SWEATY? I FILED A REPORT.
WHY IS JASPER SO SWEATY? I SHOOK AN EGG.
WHY IS JASPER SO SWEATY? I SHOOK AN EGG.
OH.
I SHOOK AN EGG.
OH.
WELL, I'M SORRY OH.
WELL, I'M SORRY YOU LOST YOUR PURSE.
WELL, I'M SORRY YOU LOST YOUR PURSE.
ME TOO.
YOU LOST YOUR PURSE.
ME TOO.
I LOST MY PHONE, AND MY WALLET, ME TOO.
I LOST MY PHONE, AND MY WALLET, OH, AND MY YOTALLY TOGUR I LOST MY PHONE, AND MY WALLET, OH, AND MY YOTALLY TOGUR PUNCH CARD.
OH, AND MY YOTALLY TOGUR PUNCH CARD.
NO WAY.
PUNCH CARD.
NO WAY.
WHAT? NO WAY.
WHAT? REALLY? WHAT? REALLY? YEAH, I KNOW, AND I WAS JUS REALLY? YEAH, I KNOW, AND I WAS JUS ONE PUNCH AWAY YEAH, I KNOW, AND I WAS JUS ONE PUNCH AWAY FROM A FREE MEDIUM YOGURT.
ONE PUNCH AWAY FROM A FREE MEDIUM YOGURT.
OH.
FROM A FREE MEDIUM YOGURT.
OH.
NO.
OH.
NO.
AW! NO.
AW! PIPER? AW! PIPER? I CAN'T SEE OR HEAR YOU! OH, YERZOK.
HI.
WILL YOU PLEASE GO INSIDE AND GET MY WIFE? HI.
WILL YOU PLEASE GO INSIDE AND GET MY WIFE? HOW ARE YOU ON COMPUTER? GO INSIDE AND GET MY WIFE? HOW ARE YOU ON COMPUTER? THIS IS A VIDEO CHAT.
HOW ARE YOU ON COMPUTER? THIS IS A VIDEO CHAT.
I'M IN BALTIMORE.
THIS IS A VIDEO CHAT.
I'M IN BALTIMORE.
NOW, PLEASE GO GET MY WIFE.
I'M IN BALTIMORE.
NOW, PLEASE GO GET MY WIFE.
YOU CAN SEE ME? NOW, PLEASE GO GET MY WIFE.
YOU CAN SEE ME? YES, I CAN SEE YOU.
YOU CAN SEE ME? YES, I CAN SEE YOU.
I SHOW YOU MY BELLY.
YES, I CAN SEE YOU.
I SHOW YOU MY BELLY.
NO.
I SHOW YOU MY BELLY.
NO.
NO, YERZOK.
NO.
NO, YERZOK.
NO.
BAD.
PUT IT AWAY.
NO, YERZOK.
NO.
BAD.
PUT IT AWAY.
DON'T SHOW ME YOUR BELLY.
NO.
BAD.
PUT IT AWAY.
DON'T SHOW ME YOUR BELLY.
NO, DON'T PUT I DON'T SHOW ME YOUR BELLY.
NO, DON'T PUT I AGAINST THE SCREEN.
NO, DON'T PUT I AGAINST THE SCREEN.
AW, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? IT ALL JUST KIND OF HAPPENED.
MY DAD WAS AN IRRESPONSIBLE SCIENTIST.
MY DAD WAS AN IRRESPONSIBLE SCIENTIST.
I WANTED AN AFTER SCHOOL JOB.
AN IRRESPONSIBLE SCIENTIST.
I WANTED AN AFTER SCHOOL JOB.
AND BY ACCIDENT, I WANTED AN AFTER SCHOOL JOB.
AND BY ACCIDENT, HE MADE ME INDESTRUCTIBLE.
AND BY ACCIDENT, HE MADE ME INDESTRUCTIBLE.
AH! HE MADE ME INDESTRUCTIBLE.
AH! I WENT INTO THIS CRAZY STORE AH! I WENT INTO THIS CRAZY STORE AND ME I WENT INTO THIS CRAZY STORE AND ME A PRETTY INTERESTING GUY.
AND ME A PRETTY INTERESTING GUY.
I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND.
A PRETTY INTERESTING GUY.
I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND.
NOW I PROTEC I'M GOING TO BLOW YOUR MIND.
NOW I PROTEC THE GOOD CITIZENS OF SWELLVIEW.
NOW I PROTEC THE GOOD CITIZENS OF SWELLVIEW.
WHO CALL ME THE GOOD CITIZENS OF SWELLVIEW.
WHO CALL ME AND HE TURNED OUT TO BE WHO CALL ME AND HE TURNED OUT TO BE YOU KNOW THE NAME.
AND HE TURNED OUT TO BE YOU KNOW THE NAME.
CAPTAIN MAN! YOU KNOW THE NAME.
CAPTAIN MAN! THAT'S RIGHT, HENRY.
CAPTAIN MAN! THAT'S RIGHT, HENRY.
IN TIME, I REALIZED THAT'S RIGHT, HENRY.
IN TIME, I REALIZED THAT BEING A SUPERHERO IN TIME, I REALIZED THAT BEING A SUPERHERO IS A LOT TO HANDLE ALONE.
THAT BEING A SUPERHERO IS A LOT TO HANDLE ALONE.
HE WANTED SOME HELP.
IS A LOT TO HANDLE ALONE.
HE WANTED SOME HELP.
I NEEDED A SIDEKICK.
HE WANTED SOME HELP.
I NEEDED A SIDEKICK.
I, HENRY HART I NEEDED A SIDEKICK.
I, HENRY HART PLEDGE TO NEVER EVER EVER I, HENRY HART PLEDGE TO NEVER EVER EVER TELL ANYONE PLEDGE TO NEVER EVER EVER TELL ANYONE THAT I'M CAPTAIN MAN'S TELL ANYONE THAT I'M CAPTAIN MAN'S SECRET SIDEKICK.
THAT I'M CAPTAIN MAN'S SECRET SIDEKICK.
IT IS DONE.
SECRET SIDEKICK.
IT IS DONE.
NOW WE BLOW BUBBLES.
IT IS DONE.
NOW WE BLOW BUBBLES.
AND FIGHT CRIME.
NOW WE BLOW BUBBLES.
AND FIGHT CRIME.
FEELS GOOD.
CALL IT.
UP THE TUBE! OH, MY BOOT.
HA! RAY! HURRY UP! YEAH, WHAT'S UP, GOOCH? LOOK AT THIS ANTIQUE CHAIR I GOT.
OKAY.
IT'S ONE OF THE VERY FIRS VIBRATING MASSAGE CHAIRS EVER MADE.
OKAY.
WILL YOU HELP ME FIX IT UP SO I CAN RELAX MY BACK? NO.
HEY, GUYS.
HELLO, HENRY.
WHOA, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE WORKING TODAY.
I'M NOT, BUT I GOT TO GO DOWNSTAIRS AND CHECK THE CRIME COMPUTER.
THERE'S BEEN A PURSE SNATCHING.
OH, JUST FILE A POLICE REPORT.
WHO GOT HER PURSE SNATCHED? MY MOM.
YOUR MOM? MY MOM.
YOUR MOM? WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? YOUR MOM? WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE OKAY? WAIT, WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE OKAY? WAS SHE HURT? IS SHE OKAY? WAS SHE HURT? WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE OKAY? WAS SHE HURT? WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE OKAY? WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED WHAT HAPPENED? IS SHE OKAY? WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN HIS MOM? WHY ARE YOU SO INTERESTED IN HIS MOM? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MOM? IN HIS MOM? HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MOM? WE GOT TO HELP HER.
HAVE YOU SEEN HIS MOM? WE GOT TO HELP HER.
RAY, I'M SURE HENRY'S FATHER WE GOT TO HELP HER.
RAY, I'M SURE HENRY'S FATHER IS TAKING GOOD CARE OF HER.
RAY, I'M SURE HENRY'S FATHER IS TAKING GOOD CARE OF HER.
NAH, MY DAD'S OUT OF TOWN.
IS TAKING GOOD CARE OF HER.
NAH, MY DAD'S OUT OF TOWN.
HE'S OUT OF TOWN? NAH, MY DAD'S OUT OF TOWN.
HE'S OUT OF TOWN? YEAH, BUT I CAN HE'S OUT OF TOWN? YEAH, BUT I CAN HANDLE THINGS.
YEAH, BUT I CAN HANDLE THINGS.
NO YOU CAN'T.
HANDLE THINGS.
NO YOU CAN'T.
WHY CAN'T I? NO YOU CAN'T.
WHY CAN'T I? YOU'RE BUT A BOY.
WHY CAN'T I? YOU'RE BUT A BOY.
MAYBE, BUT I'M ALMOS YOU'RE BUT A BOY.
MAYBE, BUT I'M ALMOS 14 YEARS OLD, MAYBE, BUT I'M ALMOS 14 YEARS OLD, AND I'VE BEEN YOUR SIDEKICK 14 YEARS OLD, AND I'VE BEEN YOUR SIDEKICK LONG ENOUGH THAT I CAN-- AND I'VE BEEN YOUR SIDEKICK LONG ENOUGH THAT I CAN-- HE'S JUST LEAVING LONG ENOUGH THAT I CAN-- HE'S JUST LEAVING WHILE I'M TALKING.
HE'S JUST LEAVING WHILE I'M TALKING.
THIS CHAIR VIBRATES.
WHILE I'M TALKING.
THIS CHAIR VIBRATES.
OKAY.
AND WHEN THIS BAD MAN SNATCHED YOUR PURSE, DID HE SAY ANY WORDS? SNATCHED YOUR PURSE, DID HE SAY ANY WORDS? YES.
DID HE SAY ANY WORDS? YES.
HE SAID, YES.
HE SAID, "GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
" HE SAID, "GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
" GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
"GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
" GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
CAPTAIN MAN, OVER HERE.
GIVE ME THAT PURSE, WOMAN.
CAPTAIN MAN, OVER HERE.
GREAT, NOW LOOK SURPRISED.
CAPTAIN MAN, OVER HERE.
GREAT, NOW LOOK SURPRISED.
COOL.
NOW, DUCK FACE.
GREAT, NOW LOOK SURPRISED.
COOL.
NOW, DUCK FACE.
PIPER, WILL YOU STOP? COOL.
NOW, DUCK FACE.
PIPER, WILL YOU STOP? OH, HENRY, LOOK WHO HEARD PIPER, WILL YOU STOP? OH, HENRY, LOOK WHO HEARD ABOUT MY PURSE AND CAME TO HELP.
OH, HENRY, LOOK WHO HEARD ABOUT MY PURSE AND CAME TO HELP.
WOW.
ABOUT MY PURSE AND CAME TO HELP.
WOW.
CAPTAIN MAN.
WOW.
CAPTAIN MAN.
IN OUR HOUSE CAPTAIN MAN.
IN OUR HOUSE AGAIN.
IN OUR HOUSE AGAIN.
MY SON, HENRY.
AGAIN.
MY SON, HENRY.
AH, YES, I REMEMBER.
MY SON, HENRY.
AH, YES, I REMEMBER.
SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? AH, YES, I REMEMBER.
SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? TO PROTECT YOUR MOTHER.
SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? TO PROTECT YOUR MOTHER.
AND ME.
TO PROTECT YOUR MOTHER.
AND ME.
YEAH, SURE.
AND ME.
YEAH, SURE.
PROTECT HER FROM WHAT? YEAH, SURE.
PROTECT HER FROM WHAT? WELL, WHOEVER SNATCHED PROTECT HER FROM WHAT? WELL, WHOEVER SNATCHED HER PURSE ALSO HAS EVERYTHING WELL, WHOEVER SNATCHED HER PURSE ALSO HAS EVERYTHING THAT WAS INSIDE THAT PURSE.
HER PURSE ALSO HAS EVERYTHING THAT WAS INSIDE THAT PURSE.
I TOLD HIM THAT WAS INSIDE THAT PURSE.
I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE YOGURT COUPON.
I TOLD HIM ABOUT THE YOGURT COUPON.
RIGHT.
ABOUT THE YOGURT COUPON.
RIGHT.
AND THE CRIMINAL ALSO RIGHT.
AND THE CRIMINAL ALSO HAS YOUR MOM'S DRIVER'S LICENSE AND THE CRIMINAL ALSO HAS YOUR MOM'S DRIVER'S LICENSE AND THAT MEANS HAS YOUR MOM'S DRIVER'S LICENSE AND THAT MEANS HE HAS THIS ADDRESS.
AND THAT MEANS HE HAS THIS ADDRESS.
AND MY KEYS.
HE HAS THIS ADDRESS.
AND MY KEYS.
SO? AND MY KEYS.
SO? CAPTAIN MAN SAYS HE MIGH SO? CAPTAIN MAN SAYS HE MIGH COME HERE TO THE HOUSE CAPTAIN MAN SAYS HE MIGH COME HERE TO THE HOUSE AND BREAK IN.
COME HERE TO THE HOUSE AND BREAK IN.
THAT'S VERY TRUE.
AND BREAK IN.
THAT'S VERY TRUE.
CAN I MAKE YOU SOME HOT COCOA? THAT'S VERY TRUE.
CAN I MAKE YOU SOME HOT COCOA? LOOK, WE APPRECIATE CAN I MAKE YOU SOME HOT COCOA? LOOK, WE APPRECIATE YOUR HELP, BUT IF THE GUY LOOK, WE APPRECIATE YOUR HELP, BUT IF THE GUY WHO TOOK HER PURSE DOES YOUR HELP, BUT IF THE GUY WHO TOOK HER PURSE DOES COME HERE, I CAN HANDLE HIM.
WHO TOOK HER PURSE DOES COME HERE, I CAN HANDLE HIM.
REALLY? COME HERE, I CAN HANDLE HIM.
REALLY? WHAT IF HE DOES THIS? REALLY? WHAT IF HE DOES THIS? HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHAT IF HE DOES THIS? HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
HEY, HEY, HEY.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M PRETENDING WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M PRETENDING TO BE THE BAD GUY I'M PRETENDING TO BE THE BAD GUY WHO HAS JUST BROKEN TO BE THE BAD GUY WHO HAS JUST BROKEN INTO THIS HOUSE WHO HAS JUST BROKEN INTO THIS HOUSE AND IS NOW SITTING ON YOUR HEAD.
INTO THIS HOUSE AND IS NOW SITTING ON YOUR HEAD.
HA.
COME ON, HENRY, SHOW US AND IS NOW SITTING ON YOUR HEAD.
HA.
COME ON, HENRY, SHOW US HOW YOU'D PROTECT US NOW.
HA.
COME ON, HENRY, SHOW US HOW YOU'D PROTECT US NOW.
PLEASE GET OFF MY HEAD.
HOW YOU'D PROTECT US NOW.
PLEASE GET OFF MY HEAD.
NO, I WILL NOT GET OFF PLEASE GET OFF MY HEAD.
NO, I WILL NOT GET OFF YOUR HEAD.
NO, I WILL NOT GET OFF YOUR HEAD.
THAT'S WHAT A BAD GUY YOUR HEAD.
THAT'S WHAT A BAD GUY MIGHT SAY IN THIS SITUATION.
THAT'S WHAT A BAD GUY MIGHT SAY IN THIS SITUATION.
I DON'T THINK MIGHT SAY IN THIS SITUATION.
I DON'T THINK THIS WOULD EVER REALLY HAPPEN.
I DON'T THINK THIS WOULD EVER REALLY HAPPEN.
OH, YES, IT WOULD.
THIS WOULD EVER REALLY HAPPEN.
OH, YES, IT WOULD.
AS A SUPERHERO, I SEE THIS KIND OH, YES, IT WOULD.
AS A SUPERHERO, I SEE THIS KIND OF THING HAPPEN EVERY DAY.
AS A SUPERHERO, I SEE THIS KIND OF THING HAPPEN EVERY DAY.
NO ONE'S GOING OF THING HAPPEN EVERY DAY.
NO ONE'S GOING TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
NO ONE'S GOING TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
I'M SITTING ON YOUR HEAD.
TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
I'M SITTING ON YOUR HEAD.
WELL, I WISH YOU'D STOP.
HA, YOUR HAIR'S ALL SMUSHED.
MRS.
HART, WHEN DOES YOUR HUSBAND RETURN MRS.
HART, WHEN DOES YOUR HUSBAND RETURN FROM BALTIMORE? YOUR HUSBAND RETURN FROM BALTIMORE? NOT UNTIL MONDAY.
FROM BALTIMORE? NOT UNTIL MONDAY.
HMM.
NOT UNTIL MONDAY.
HMM.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
HMM.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
DO WHAT? ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO IT.
DO WHAT? STAY HERE DO WHAT? STAY HERE UNTIL YOUR DADDY COMES HOME.
STAY HERE UNTIL YOUR DADDY COMES HOME.
NO WAY.
UNTIL YOUR DADDY COMES HOME.
NO WAY.
WOW, THANKS.
NO WAY.
WOW, THANKS.
CAN KID DANGER WOW, THANKS.
CAN KID DANGER COME STAY WITH US, TOO? CAN KID DANGER COME STAY WITH US, TOO? NO.
COME STAY WITH US, TOO? NO.
I MEAN, I MEAN, I MEAN, NO.
NO.
I MEAN, I MEAN, I MEAN, NO.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK SO.
I MEAN, I MEAN, I MEAN, NO.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK SO.
CAN HE? HE PROBABLY CAN'T.
I MEAN, I DON'T THINK SO.
CAN HE? HE PROBABLY CAN'T.
NO, NO, NO.
CAN HE? HE PROBABLY CAN'T.
NO, NO, NO.
WHY NOT? NO, NO, NO.
WHY NOT? BECAUSE WHY NOT? BECAUSE KID DANGER BECAUSE KID DANGER IS STARRING IN A MUSICAL.
KID DANGER IS STARRING IN A MUSICAL.
REALLY? IS STARRING IN A MUSICAL.
REALLY? A PLAY? REALLY? A PLAY? A MUSICAL PLAY.
A PLAY? A MUSICAL PLAY.
ARE YOU SURE? A MUSICAL PLAY.
ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HEARD ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT KID DANGER BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HEARD ABOUT KID DANGER BEING IN MUSICALS.
ABOUT KID DANGER BEING IN MUSICALS.
OH, YEAH.
BEING IN MUSICALS.
OH, YEAH.
HE'S PLAYING ANNIE.
OH, YEAH.
HE'S PLAYING ANNIE.
OH, HOW KID DANGER LOVES HE'S PLAYING ANNIE.
OH, HOW KID DANGER LOVES TO SING SONGS AND DANCE ABOUT.
OH, HOW KID DANGER LOVES TO SING SONGS AND DANCE ABOUT.
AW, THAT'S ADORABLE.
TO SING SONGS AND DANCE ABOUT.
AW, THAT'S ADORABLE.
YEAH.
AH, HENRY.
I WAS WORRIED YOU WERE GOING TO SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY AWAY.
I WAS WORRIED YOU WERE GOING TO SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY AWAY.
I JUST LIKE TO SLEEP LATE TO SLEEP THE WHOLE DAY AWAY.
I JUST LIKE TO SLEEP LATE ON SATURDAYS.
I JUST LIKE TO SLEEP LATE ON SATURDAYS.
WHAT'S ALL THIS JUNK? ON SATURDAYS.
WHAT'S ALL THIS JUNK? I WENT TO THE HOME SHACK WHAT'S ALL THIS JUNK? I WENT TO THE HOME SHACK AND GOT SOME STUFF.
I WENT TO THE HOME SHACK AND GOT SOME STUFF.
WHY? AND GOT SOME STUFF.
WHY? BECAUSE YOUR DAD'S WHY? BECAUSE YOUR DAD'S OUT OF TOWN AND SO I FIGURED BECAUSE YOUR DAD'S OUT OF TOWN AND SO I FIGURED I'D TAKE CARE OF SOME THINGS OUT OF TOWN AND SO I FIGURED I'D TAKE CARE OF SOME THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE.
I'D TAKE CARE OF SOME THINGS AROUND THE HOUSE.
LOOK.
AROUND THE HOUSE.
LOOK.
NEW TOILET SEATS LOOK.
NEW TOILET SEATS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
NEW TOILET SEATS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
HI, HENRY.
FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
HI, HENRY.
PRETTY SOON YOU CAN SIT ON ME.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A GROWN MAN.
YEAH, WELL ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE YEAH, WELL ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST HERE TO PROTECT US IN CASE ANYWAY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST HERE TO PROTECT US IN CASE THE PURSE THIEF SHOWS UP JUST HERE TO PROTECT US IN CASE THE PURSE THIEF SHOWS UP AND TRIES TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
THE PURSE THIEF SHOWS UP AND TRIES TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
HENRY, ISN'T THERE AND TRIES TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
HENRY, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE THA HENRY, ISN'T THERE SOMETHING ELSE THA WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT? SOMETHING ELSE THA WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT? LIKE? WE SHOULD BE TALKING ABOUT? LIKE? LIKE THIS REPORT CARD LIKE? LIKE THIS REPORT CARD THAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY? LIKE THIS REPORT CARD THAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY? AH, GEEZ.
THAT CAME IN THE MAIL TODAY? AH, GEEZ.
I NOTICE YOU GOT A C-PLUS AH, GEEZ.
I NOTICE YOU GOT A C-PLUS IN SOCIAL STUDIES.
I NOTICE YOU GOT A C-PLUS IN SOCIAL STUDIES.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT BEING IN SOCIAL STUDIES.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY COOL RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT BEING VERY COOL RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS VERY COOL? VERY COOL RIGHT NOW.
YOU KNOW WHAT IS VERY COOL? WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT IS VERY COOL? WHAT? GETTING GOOD GRADES.
WHAT? GETTING GOOD GRADES.
YEAH, GREAT.
GETTING GOOD GRADES.
YEAH, GREAT.
THANKS FOR THE TALK, YEAH, GREAT.
THANKS FOR THE TALK, IT REALLY TURNED ME AROUND.
THANKS FOR THE TALK, IT REALLY TURNED ME AROUND.
BYE.
IT REALLY TURNED ME AROUND.
BYE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
BYE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHERE YOU GOING? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHERE YOU GOING? TO SEE A MOVIE WHERE YOU GOING? TO SEE A MOVIE WITH JASPER AND CHARLOTTE.
TO SEE A MOVIE WITH JASPER AND CHARLOTTE.
WHAT MOVIE? WITH JASPER AND CHARLOTTE.
WHAT MOVIE? IT BETTER BE RATED G.
WHAT MOVIE? IT BETTER BE RATED G.
DUDE.
IT BETTER BE RATED G.
DUDE.
I MEAN IT.
DUDE.
I MEAN IT.
NO BAD WORDS, NO MILD VIOLENCE, I MEAN IT.
NO BAD WORDS, NO MILD VIOLENCE, AND ESPECIALLY NO BRIEF NUDITY.
NO BAD WORDS, NO MILD VIOLENCE, AND ESPECIALLY NO BRIEF NUDITY.
OH, MY GOD.
AND ESPECIALLY NO BRIEF NUDITY.
OH, MY GOD.
DON'T BOTHER HIM.
OH, MY GOD.
DON'T BOTHER HIM.
CAPTAIN MAN! DON'T BOTHER HIM.
CAPTAIN MAN! UGH.
CAPTAIN MAN! UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
UGH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE UGH.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
WHY'D YOU TELL JASPER YOU'RE REALLY HERE.
WHY'D YOU TELL JASPER HE'S AT MY HOUSE? WHY'D YOU TELL JASPER HE'S AT MY HOUSE? I DIDN'T.
HE'S AT MY HOUSE? I DIDN'T.
PIPER'S BEEN POSTING PICS OF HIM I DIDN'T.
PIPER'S BEEN POSTING PICS OF HIM ALL OVER THE WEB.
PIPER'S BEEN POSTING PICS OF HIM ALL OVER THE WEB.
HEY, MAYBE AFTER YOU'RE DONE ALL OVER THE WEB.
HEY, MAYBE AFTER YOU'RE DONE PROTECTING HENRY'S MOM, HEY, MAYBE AFTER YOU'RE DONE PROTECTING HENRY'S MOM, YOU CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
PROTECTING HENRY'S MOM, YOU CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
SURE.
YOU CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE.
SURE.
JUST TEXT ME YOUR ADDRESS.
SURE.
JUST TEXT ME YOUR ADDRESS.
OKAY.
JUST TEXT ME YOUR ADDRESS.
OKAY.
WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER? OKAY.
WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER? IT'S WHAT'S YOUR PHONE NUMBER? IT'S 594 TRIANGLE SLASH BLUE.
IT'S 594 TRIANGLE SLASH BLUE.
GOT IT.
594 TRIANGLE SLASH BLUE.
GOT IT.
WAIT.
GOT IT.
WAIT.
HEY, YOU GUYS, WAIT.
HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING FOR LUNCH? HEY, YOU GUYS, WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING FOR LUNCH? I GOT PLANS.
WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING FOR LUNCH? I GOT PLANS.
I THOUGHT MAYBE I GOT PLANS.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GO OUT FOR LUNCH.
I THOUGHT MAYBE WE COULD GO OUT FOR LUNCH.
OOH, THAT SOUNDS FUN.
WE COULD GO OUT FOR LUNCH.
OOH, THAT SOUNDS FUN.
DOESN'T IT? OOH, THAT SOUNDS FUN.
DOESN'T IT? WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE DOESN'T IT? WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE MOVIE.
WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR THE MOVIE.
YEAH, LET'S GO.
FOR THE MOVIE.
YEAH, LET'S GO.
HO, HO, HO, HOLD ON THERE, YEAH, LET'S GO.
HO, HO, HO, HOLD ON THERE, PLAID SHIRT.
HO, HO, HO, HOLD ON THERE, PLAID SHIRT.
WHAT? PLAID SHIRT.
WHAT? DON'T YOU HAVE WHAT? DON'T YOU HAVE A SOCIAL STUDIES TEST ON MONDAY? DON'T YOU HAVE A SOCIAL STUDIES TEST ON MONDAY? NO.
A SOCIAL STUDIES TEST ON MONDAY? NO.
YEAH WE DO.
NO.
YEAH WE DO.
JASPER.
YEAH WE DO.
JASPER.
I THINK YOUR MOTHER AND I JASPER.
I THINK YOUR MOTHER AND I FEEL IT WOULD BE BES I THINK YOUR MOTHER AND I FEEL IT WOULD BE BES IF YOU STAYED HOME AND STUDIED.
FEEL IT WOULD BE BES IF YOU STAYED HOME AND STUDIED.
WHAT? IF YOU STAYED HOME AND STUDIED.
WHAT? MOM.
WHAT? MOM.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD ARGUE MOM.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD ARGUE WITH A SUPERHERO.
I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD ARGUE WITH A SUPERHERO.
COME ON, I DON'T WAN WITH A SUPERHERO.
COME ON, I DON'T WAN TO STUDY ON A SATURDAY.
COME ON, I DON'T WAN TO STUDY ON A SATURDAY.
AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SI TO STUDY ON A SATURDAY.
AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SI ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD AGAIN? AM I GOING TO HAVE TO SI ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD AGAIN? HEY.
ON SOMEBODY'S HEAD AGAIN? HEY.
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, OKAY? HEY.
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, OKAY? WELL YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME, OKAY? WELL WELL WELL WELL WHATEVER.
WELL WHATEVER.
YOU'RE NOT MY DAD WHATEVER.
YOU'RE NOT MY DAD AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED YOU'RE NOT MY DAD AND YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SIT ON MY HEAD.
OKAY, I'LL STAY HOME AND STUDY.
YOU PROMISE? YES.
YOU PROMISE? YES.
NOW, PLEASE GET YOUR BUT YES.
NOW, PLEASE GET YOUR BUT OUT OF MY EAR.
MM.
THIS ORANGE JUICE IS SO GOOD.
OF COURSE IT IS.
THIS ORANGE JUICE IS SO GOOD.
OF COURSE IT IS.
I SQUEEZED IT MYSELF.
OF COURSE IT IS.
I SQUEEZED IT MYSELF.
[ LAUGHS .]
I SQUEEZED IT MYSELF.
[ LAUGHS .]
HEY, PIPER, HURRY UP! [ LAUGHS .]
HEY, PIPER, HURRY UP! CAPTAIN MAN HEY, PIPER, HURRY UP! CAPTAIN MAN IS MAKING US BREAKFAST! CAPTAIN MAN IS MAKING US BREAKFAST! I'LL BE DOWN IS MAKING US BREAKFAST! I'LL BE DOWN IN A FEW MINUTES! I'LL BE DOWN IN A FEW MINUTES! SO IN A FEW MINUTES! SO WHO'S READY FOR SOME MANCAKES? SO WHO'S READY FOR SOME MANCAKES? WOW.
WHO'S READY FOR SOME MANCAKES? WOW.
THEY HAVE THE CAPTAIN MAN LOGO.
WOW.
THEY HAVE THE CAPTAIN MAN LOGO.
YEAH.
THEY HAVE THE CAPTAIN MAN LOGO.
YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT PUTS THE MAN YEAH.
THAT'S WHAT PUTS THE MAN IN THE MANCAKES.
THAT'S WHAT PUTS THE MAN IN THE MANCAKES.
[ LAUGHS .]
IN THE MANCAKES.
[ LAUGHS .]
HEY.
[ LAUGHS .]
HEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? HEY.
WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? OH, HENRY, LOOK.
WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? OH, HENRY, LOOK.
CAPTAIN MAN MADE BREAKFAS OH, HENRY, LOOK.
CAPTAIN MAN MADE BREAKFAS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
CAPTAIN MAN MADE BREAKFAS FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
OH.
FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
OH.
ISN'T THAT DAD'S ROBE? OH.
ISN'T THAT DAD'S ROBE? YEAH, I FOUND I ISN'T THAT DAD'S ROBE? YEAH, I FOUND I IN THE DRYER.
YEAH, I FOUND I IN THE DRYER.
IT LOOKS LIKE IN THE DRYER.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT FITS YOU PERFECTLY.
IT LOOKS LIKE IT FITS YOU PERFECTLY.
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE SMALL IT FITS YOU PERFECTLY.
WELL, IT'S A LITTLE SMALL IN THE BICEPS, WELL, IT'S A LITTLE SMALL IN THE BICEPS, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? IN THE BICEPS, BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? YOU COULD WEAR YOUR OWN ROBE BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? YOU COULD WEAR YOUR OWN ROBE AND SLEEP AT YOUR OWN PLACE.
YOU COULD WEAR YOUR OWN ROBE AND SLEEP AT YOUR OWN PLACE.
HENRY, DON'T BE RUDE.
AND SLEEP AT YOUR OWN PLACE.
HENRY, DON'T BE RUDE.
CAPTAIN MAN IS BEING NICE ENOUGH HENRY, DON'T BE RUDE.
CAPTAIN MAN IS BEING NICE ENOUGH TO STAY HERE AND PROTECT US CAPTAIN MAN IS BEING NICE ENOUGH TO STAY HERE AND PROTECT US IN CASE THAT PURSE SNATCHER TO STAY HERE AND PROTECT US IN CASE THAT PURSE SNATCHER COMES TO THE HOUSE.
IN CASE THAT PURSE SNATCHER COMES TO THE HOUSE.
OH YEAH, THE PURSE SNATCHER.
COMES TO THE HOUSE.
OH YEAH, THE PURSE SNATCHER.
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING OH YEAH, THE PURSE SNATCHER.
SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO CATCH HIM? SO, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO CATCH HIM? I HAVE A LOT OF GOOD IDEAS.
TO CATCH HIM? I HAVE A LOT OF GOOD IDEAS.
LIKE WHAT? I HAVE A LOT OF GOOD IDEAS.
LIKE WHAT? WHAT? LIKE WHAT? WHAT? WHAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE WHAT? WHAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE PURSE SNATCHER? WHAT IDEAS DO YOU HAVE TO CATCH THE PURSE SNATCHER? WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU KNOW, TO CATCH THE PURSE SNATCHER? WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU KNOW, I HAVE A SIDEKICK, KID DANGER? WELL, FOR STARTERS, YOU KNOW, I HAVE A SIDEKICK, KID DANGER? YEAH, I'VE HEARD OF HIM.
I HAVE A SIDEKICK, KID DANGER? YEAH, I'VE HEARD OF HIM.
WELL, SINCE YEAH, I'VE HEARD OF HIM.
WELL, SINCE I'M KID DANGER'S BOSS, WELL, SINCE I'M KID DANGER'S BOSS, MAYBE I'LL MAKE HIM I'M KID DANGER'S BOSS, MAYBE I'LL MAKE HIM PUT ON A PRETTY DRESS MAYBE I'LL MAKE HIM PUT ON A PRETTY DRESS AND CARRY A PURSE PUT ON A PRETTY DRESS AND CARRY A PURSE THROUGH THE MOST DANGEROUS AND CARRY A PURSE THROUGH THE MOST DANGEROUS PART OF TOWN LATE AT NIGHT.
THROUGH THE MOST DANGEROUS PART OF TOWN LATE AT NIGHT.
AND MAYBE THE SNATCHER PART OF TOWN LATE AT NIGHT.
AND MAYBE THE SNATCHER WILL TAKE THE BAI AND MAYBE THE SNATCHER WILL TAKE THE BAI AND ATTACK HIM.
WILL TAKE THE BAI AND ATTACK HIM.
I DON'T THINK AND ATTACK HIM.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.
I DON'T THINK THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, SO YOU WANT TO KEEP THAT'S A VERY GOOD IDEA.
OKAY, SO YOU WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS OKAY, SO YOU WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS OR YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN TALKING ABOUT THIS OR YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AND ENJOY SOME MANCAKES? OR YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN AND ENJOY SOME MANCAKES? MANCAKES, PLEASE.
HEY.
I HEARD ON THE RADIO THEY'RE DOING FAMILY PORTRAITS I HEARD ON THE RADIO THEY'RE DOING FAMILY PORTRAITS AT THE MALL TODAY FOR HALF OFF.
THEY'RE DOING FAMILY PORTRAITS AT THE MALL TODAY FOR HALF OFF.
OOH, MAYBE WE SHOULD AT THE MALL TODAY FOR HALF OFF.
OOH, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO GET SOME FAMILY PHOTOS.
OOH, MAYBE WE SHOULD GO GET SOME FAMILY PHOTOS.
I THINK GO GET SOME FAMILY PHOTOS.
I THINK THAT'S A MANTASTIC IDEA.
I THINK THAT'S A MANTASTIC IDEA.
PIPER, PUT ON SOMETHING CUTE! THAT'S A MANTASTIC IDEA.
PIPER, PUT ON SOMETHING CUTE! WE'RE GOING TO TAKE PIPER, PUT ON SOMETHING CUTE! WE'RE GOING TO TAKE SOME FAMILY PHOTOS! WE'RE GOING TO TAKE SOME FAMILY PHOTOS! OKAY! SOME FAMILY PHOTOS! OKAY! HEY.
OKAY! HEY.
DAD'S IN BALTIMORE.
HEY.
DAD'S IN BALTIMORE.
I KNOW, BUT CAPTAIN MAN DAD'S IN BALTIMORE.
I KNOW, BUT CAPTAIN MAN CAN FILL IN FOR YOUR DAD.
I KNOW, BUT CAPTAIN MAN CAN FILL IN FOR YOUR DAD.
OH NO.
CAN FILL IN FOR YOUR DAD.
OH NO.
NO, NO, NO.
OH NO.
NO, NO, NO.
OKAY.
GEEZ HOW MUCH GASOLINE DO WE HAVE TO POUR INTO THIS THING? HOW MUCH GASOLINE DO WE HAVE TO POUR INTO THIS THING? I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
TO POUR INTO THIS THING? I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
NOW, LET'S TEST IT.
I THINK THAT'S ENOUGH.
NOW, LET'S TEST IT.
SIT IN THE CHAIR.
NOW, LET'S TEST IT.
SIT IN THE CHAIR.
HOW ABOUT YOU SI SIT IN THE CHAIR.
HOW ABOUT YOU SI IN THE CHAIR? HOW ABOUT YOU SI IN THE CHAIR? IT'S TOTALLY SAFE.
IN THE CHAIR? IT'S TOTALLY SAFE.
I HOPE SO.
IT'S TOTALLY SAFE.
I HOPE SO.
READY? I HOPE SO.
READY? [ SPUTTERING .]
[ ELEVATOR DINGS .]
HI, EVERYONE.
WE'RE BUSY.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? WE'RE BUSY.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? A PONCHO.
WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? A PONCHO.
AND RUBBER BOOTS.
A PONCHO.
AND RUBBER BOOTS.
WHY? AND RUBBER BOOTS.
WHY? IT WAS JUST BARELY RAINING.
WHY? IT WAS JUST BARELY RAINING.
I KNOW THAT, IT WAS JUST BARELY RAINING.
I KNOW THAT, BUT CAPTAIN DAD STILL MADE ME I KNOW THAT, BUT CAPTAIN DAD STILL MADE ME WEAR ALL THIS STUFF BUT CAPTAIN DAD STILL MADE ME WEAR ALL THIS STUFF SO I WON'T CATCH A COLD.
WEAR ALL THIS STUFF SO I WON'T CATCH A COLD.
AND HE MADE ME CARRY THIS.
SO I WON'T CATCH A COLD.
AND HE MADE ME CARRY THIS.
HEY, I MIGHT HAVE AND HE MADE ME CARRY THIS.
HEY, I MIGHT HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
HEY, I MIGHT HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.
COME HERE.
WHAT? I WAS THINKING ABOU YOUR MOM'S PURSE, I WAS THINKING ABOU YOUR MOM'S PURSE, SO I WENT ONLINE, YOUR MOM'S PURSE, SO I WENT ONLINE, AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND FOR SALE.
SO I WENT ONLINE, AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND FOR SALE.
WHOA, THAT'S MY MOM'S PURSE.
AND LOOK WHAT I FOUND FOR SALE.
WHOA, THAT'S MY MOM'S PURSE.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
WHOA, THAT'S MY MOM'S PURSE.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
HERE, I'LL ZOOM IN.
THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
HERE, I'LL ZOOM IN.
"USED KATE SPOD PURSE.
HERE, I'LL ZOOM IN.
"USED KATE SPOD PURSE.
RECENTLY STOLEN.
" "USED KATE SPOD PURSE.
RECENTLY STOLEN.
" YOU'D THINK THEY WOULDN' RECENTLY STOLEN.
" YOU'D THINK THEY WOULDN' PUT THAT IN THE AD.
YOU'D THINK THEY WOULDN' PUT THAT IN THE AD.
RIGHT? PUT THAT IN THE AD.
RIGHT? SO, WHAT'S OUR PLAN? RIGHT? SO, WHAT'S OUR PLAN? WELL SO, WHAT'S OUR PLAN? WELL [ CHAIR SPUTTERING .]
WE CALL THE PHONE NUMBER ON THAT AD, SAY WE WANT TO BUY THE PURSE, ON THAT AD, SAY WE WANT TO BUY THE PURSE, AND HAVE THE GUY SAY WE WANT TO BUY THE PURSE, AND HAVE THE GUY WHO'S SELLING I AND HAVE THE GUY WHO'S SELLING I BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE, WHO'S SELLING I BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE, AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN BRING IT TO YOUR HOUSE, AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN CAN GET HIM.
AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN CAN GET HIM.
YEAH, AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN CAN GET HIM.
YEAH, AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN CAN MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE.
YEAH, AND THEN CAPTAIN MAN CAN MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE.
UH-HUH.
CAN MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE.
UH-HUH.
[ CHAIR SPUTTERING .]
UH-HUH.
[ CHAIR SPUTTERING .]
[ ENGINE STARTS .]
[ CHAIR SPUTTERING .]
[ ENGINE STARTS .]
IT STARTED! QUICK! [ ENGINE STARTS .]
IT STARTED! QUICK! [ ENGINE BACKFIRES .]
DANG IT! YOU KNOW, ONE TIME MY DAD TRIED TO BRAID MY HAIR.
OH YEAH? TRIED TO BRAID MY HAIR.
OH YEAH? HOW'D THAT TURN OUT? OH YEAH? HOW'D THAT TURN OUT? BAD.
HOW'D THAT TURN OUT? BAD.
OKAY, GUYS, HOW'S IT LOOK? BAD.
OKAY, GUYS, HOW'S IT LOOK? THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
OKAY, GUYS, HOW'S IT LOOK? THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
I LOVE IT! THAT LOOKS FANTASTIC.
I LOVE IT! HI, EVERYONE! I LOVE IT! HI, EVERYONE! IT'S US! HI, EVERYONE! IT'S US! DID A GUY NAMED AXEL IT'S US! DID A GUY NAMED AXEL SHOW UP HERE YET? DID A GUY NAMED AXEL SHOW UP HERE YET? AXEL? SHOW UP HERE YET? AXEL? NO ONE'S SHOWN UP HERE.
AXEL? NO ONE'S SHOWN UP HERE.
GOOD.
NO ONE'S SHOWN UP HERE.
GOOD.
WHO'S AXEL? GOOD.
WHO'S AXEL? HE'S THE GUY WHO-- WHO'S AXEL? HE'S THE GUY WHO-- WHAT THE-- HE'S THE GUY WHO-- WHAT THE-- REALLY? WHAT THE-- REALLY? OVER THE FIREPLACE? REALLY? OVER THE FIREPLACE? REALLY? OVER THE FIREPLACE? REALLY? WHO'S AXEL? REALLY? WHO'S AXEL? THE GUY WHO STOLE WHO'S AXEL? THE GUY WHO STOLE YOUR MOM'S PURSE.
THE GUY WHO STOLE YOUR MOM'S PURSE.
[ GASPS .]
YOU FOUND HIM? YOUR MOM'S PURSE.
[ GASPS .]
YOU FOUND HIM? YEAH.
[ GASPS .]
YOU FOUND HIM? YEAH.
WE FOUND HIM TRYING YEAH.
WE FOUND HIM TRYING TO SELL IT ONLINE.
WE FOUND HIM TRYING TO SELL IT ONLINE.
I FOUND IT.
TO SELL IT ONLINE.
I FOUND IT.
WE FOUND IT.
I FOUND IT.
WE FOUND IT.
I FOUND IT.
WE FOUND IT.
I FOUND IT.
ALL RIGHT.
I FOUND IT.
ALL RIGHT.
HE'S ON HIS WAY HERE ALL RIGHT.
HE'S ON HIS WAY HERE WITH THE PURSE.
HE'S ON HIS WAY HERE WITH THE PURSE.
BECAUSE HE THINKS WITH THE PURSE.
BECAUSE HE THINKS WE'RE GOING TO BUY IT FROM HIM.
BECAUSE HE THINKS WE'RE GOING TO BUY IT FROM HIM.
OOH, WELL, WHAT TIME WE'RE GOING TO BUY IT FROM HIM.
OOH, WELL, WHAT TIME IS HE SUPPOSED TO-- OOH, WELL, WHAT TIME IS HE SUPPOSED TO-- [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
IS HE SUPPOSED TO-- [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ SCREAMING .]
[ DOORBELL RINGS .]
[ SCREAMING .]
HE'S HERE.
[ SCREAMING .]
HE'S HERE.
QUICK, WHAT'S THE PLAN? HE'S HERE.
QUICK, WHAT'S THE PLAN? WE ALL SNEAK OU QUICK, WHAT'S THE PLAN? WE ALL SNEAK OU THE BACK WAY AND GO TO THE ZOO.
WE ALL SNEAK OU THE BACK WAY AND GO TO THE ZOO.
HOW DOES THAT HELP HIS MOM THE BACK WAY AND GO TO THE ZOO.
HOW DOES THAT HELP HIS MOM GET HER PURSE BACK? HOW DOES THAT HELP HIS MOM GET HER PURSE BACK? [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
GET HER PURSE BACK? [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
JUST A SEC! [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
JUST A SEC! GO HIDE.
JUST A SEC! GO HIDE.
ALL RIGHT.
GO HIDE.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
EVERYONE JUST SIT AROUND OKAY.
EVERYONE JUST SIT AROUND AND ACT LIKE EVERYONE JUST SIT AROUND AND ACT LIKE EVERYTHING'S NORMAL.
AND ACT LIKE EVERYTHING'S NORMAL.
RIGHT.
EVERYTHING'S NORMAL.
RIGHT.
OKAY.
WAIT.
WHAT IF HE RECOGNIZES ME? SHE'S RIGHT! WHAT IF HE RECOGNIZES ME? SHE'S RIGHT! QUICK, YOU BETTER SHE'S RIGHT! QUICK, YOU BETTER COME HIDE HERE RIGHT BY ME! QUICK, YOU BETTER COME HIDE HERE RIGHT BY ME! HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! COME HIDE HERE RIGHT BY ME! HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! OKAY! HURRY, HURRY, HURRY! OKAY! [ DOORBELL RINGS .]
HI, WELCOME TO THIS HOUSE.
WON'T YOU COME IN? YEAH, OKAY.
SO HOW MUCH FOR THE PURSE? OH.
WELL, THE AD SAID-- HA! NOW YOU DON'T HAVE IT! DUDE-- CAPTAIN MAN! DUDE-- CAPTAIN MAN! AW, NO WAY! CAPTAIN MAN! AW, NO WAY! CAPTAIN MAN LIVES HERE? AW, NO WAY! CAPTAIN MAN LIVES HERE? NO, HE DOES NOT.
CAPTAIN MAN LIVES HERE? NO, HE DOES NOT.
WHATEVER, MAN.
NO, HE DOES NOT.
WHATEVER, MAN.
I GUESS I'M BUSTED.
WHATEVER, MAN.
I GUESS I'M BUSTED.
YEAH.
I GUESS I'M BUSTED.
YEAH.
WHICH MEANS YEAH.
WHICH MEANS YOU GET YOUR PURSE BACK.
WHICH MEANS YOU GET YOUR PURSE BACK.
AND CAPTAIN MAN DOESN'T HAVE YOU GET YOUR PURSE BACK.
AND CAPTAIN MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY HERE ANYMORE.
AND CAPTAIN MAN DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY HERE ANYMORE.
NOW, NOW, WAIT, WAIT, TO STAY HERE ANYMORE.
NOW, NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, NOW, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A MINUTE.
WE CAN'T BE SURE WAIT A MINUTE.
WE CAN'T BE SURE HE'S THE REAL CRIMINAL.
WE CAN'T BE SURE HE'S THE REAL CRIMINAL.
I AM.
HE'S THE REAL CRIMINAL.
I AM.
IT WAS ALL ME, MAN.
I AM.
IT WAS ALL ME, MAN.
CAN I SEE THA IT WAS ALL ME, MAN.
CAN I SEE THA FOR A SECOND? COME WITH ME.
NOW, I WANT YOU TO HOLD ON TO THAT PURSE AND DON'T ESCAPE.
BECAUSE IF YOU ESCAPE, TO THAT PURSE AND DON'T ESCAPE.
BECAUSE IF YOU ESCAPE, I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE BECAUSE IF YOU ESCAPE, I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIND YOU AGAIN I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO FIND YOU AGAIN AND TAKE YOU TO JAIL.
TO FIND YOU AGAIN AND TAKE YOU TO JAIL.
NO ONE'S GOING AND TAKE YOU TO JAIL.
NO ONE'S GOING TO BE WATCHING YOU.
YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE HIM OUT THERE WITH THE PURSE? LOOK, I REALIZE IT MAY SEEM OUT THERE WITH THE PURSE? LOOK, I REALIZE IT MAY SEEM LIKE THIS CASE IS SOLVED, LOOK, I REALIZE IT MAY SEEM LIKE THIS CASE IS SOLVED, BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, LIKE THIS CASE IS SOLVED, BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, MAYBE I SHOULD STAY HERE BUT JUST TO BE SAFE, MAYBE I SHOULD STAY HERE FOR ANOTHER MONTH OR TWO.
OKAY, THAT'S IT.
CAPTAIN MAN, I DON'T MEAN TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, CAPTAIN MAN, I DON'T MEAN TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, BUT I THINK YOU JUST WAN TO BE DISRESPECTFUL, BUT I THINK YOU JUST WAN TO STAY HERE AND PRETEND BUT I THINK YOU JUST WAN TO STAY HERE AND PRETEND TO BE THE DAD IN OUR FAMILY.
TO STAY HERE AND PRETEND TO BE THE DAD IN OUR FAMILY.
HENRY, BE NICE.
TO BE THE DAD IN OUR FAMILY.
HENRY, BE NICE.
NO, NO.
HENRY, BE NICE.
NO, NO.
MA'AM, YOUR BOY'S RIGHT.
NO, NO.
MA'AM, YOUR BOY'S RIGHT.
I LOVE BEING A SUPERHERO, MA'AM, YOUR BOY'S RIGHT.
I LOVE BEING A SUPERHERO, HAVING ALL THESE COOL DEVICES, I LOVE BEING A SUPERHERO, HAVING ALL THESE COOL DEVICES, WEARING THIS SNUG SUI HAVING ALL THESE COOL DEVICES, WEARING THIS SNUG SUI THAT MAKES ME LOOK AWESOME.
WEARING THIS SNUG SUI THAT MAKES ME LOOK AWESOME.
BUT SOMETIMES I GET LONELY.
THAT MAKES ME LOOK AWESOME.
BUT SOMETIMES I GET LONELY.
AND OVER THESE PAST FEW DAYS, BUT SOMETIMES I GET LONELY.
AND OVER THESE PAST FEW DAYS, I GUESS I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND OVER THESE PAST FEW DAYS, I GUESS I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH HOW NICE IT FEELS I GUESS I GOT CARRIED AWAY WITH HOW NICE IT FEELS TO BE PART OF A REAL FAMILY.
AW, MAN, THE DUDE RAN AWAY.
WELL, GO GET HIM.
ME? WELL, GO GET HIM.
ME? HURRY.
ME? HURRY.
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE .]
HURRY.
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE .]
UGH.
[ ALL TALKING AT ONCE .]
UGH.
RUINING IT.
HENRY PIPER MOM PIPER MOM I REALLY ENJOYED THESE FEW DAYS MOM I REALLY ENJOYED THESE FEW DAYS OF BEING A FAMILY MAN.
I REALLY ENJOYED THESE FEW DAYS OF BEING A FAMILY MAN.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
OF BEING A FAMILY MAN.
THANK YOU FOR THAT.
WELL, MAYBE ONE DAY THANK YOU FOR THAT.
WELL, MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND A NICE GIRL, WELL, MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL FIND A NICE GIRL, GET MARRIED, YOU'LL FIND A NICE GIRL, GET MARRIED, AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY.
GET MARRIED, AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY.
NAH.
AND HAVE YOUR OWN FAMILY.
NAH.
HEY, DID I JUST SEE CHARLOTTE NAH.
HEY, DID I JUST SEE CHARLOTTE TACKLING A GROWN MAN HEY, DID I JUST SEE CHARLOTTE TACKLING A GROWN MAN OUT IN THE STREET? TACKLING A GROWN MAN OUT IN THE STREET? DAD! OUT IN THE STREET? DAD! HONEY, YOU'RE HOME! DAD! HONEY, YOU'RE HOME! YAY.
HONEY, YOU'RE HOME! YAY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING YAY.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT.
WHAT'S CAPTAIN MAN DOING HERE? TO PICK ME UP FROM THE AIRPORT.
WHAT'S CAPTAIN MAN DOING HERE? WE RAN INTO A LITTLE PROBLEM WHAT'S CAPTAIN MAN DOING HERE? WE RAN INTO A LITTLE PROBLEM WHEN YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN.
WE RAN INTO A LITTLE PROBLEM WHEN YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN.
CAPTAIN MAN WORE YOUR ROBE.
WHEN YOU WERE OUT OF TOWN.
CAPTAIN MAN WORE YOUR ROBE.
MY ROBE? CAPTAIN MAN WORE YOUR ROBE.
MY ROBE? WHY WOULD HE-- MY ROBE? WHY WOULD HE-- WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN? WHY WOULD HE-- WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN? UH WHEN WAS THAT TAKEN? UH WELL UH WELL I CAUGHT HIM.
WELL I CAUGHT HIM.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
OKAY, I THINK I FIXED IT.
CHARLOTTE, GO SIT IN THE CHAIR.
CHARLOTTE, GO SIT IN THE CHAIR.
NO.
GO SIT IN THE CHAIR.
NO.
HENRY, GO SIT IN THE CHAIR.
NO.
HENRY, GO SIT IN THE CHAIR.
ALL RIGHT.
OKAY.
GET READY TO RELAX AND ENJOY THE ULTIMATE MASSAGE.
GET READY TO RELAX AND ENJOY THE ULTIMATE MASSAGE.
[ ENGINE STARTS .]
AND ENJOY THE ULTIMATE MASSAGE.
[ ENGINE STARTS .]
OH, YES.
THIS IS NICE.

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