iCarly s01e18 Episode Script

Oh, I am so hungry.
Then go make something.
Oh, I'm so lazy.
Last week's web cast of "iCarly," The most viewers we ever got.
Really? How many? Holy cheese.
Where have you been all day? Canada.
I thought you were just going to the art museum.
I was, until I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Vancouver.
I'm so done with public transportation.
Ah, it's not that bad.
You know, I was born on a bus.
Huh? My mom's not good at planning.
You know, I'm not sure it's fair to blame the bus 'cause you fell asleep.
It's not just that.
Last week on the bus, a hobo spilled chili on me Then continued to eat it without a spoon.
I can't believe you went all the way to canada.
It wasn't a total lost.
I bought canadian bacon while I was there.
Who wants night breakfast? - Me.
-Me.
Text message? E - mail from the president of daka.
Daka, the shoe company? - Yeah.
- Read it.
"Dear Carly, we're big fans of your web show.
" - Wow.
-Cool.
"We'd love to have a meeting with you in our Seattle office and talk about a business relationship between Daka shoes and 'iCarly.
'" No way.
That's awesome.
Oh.
This is just sliced ham.
How dare those canadians try and pass this off As some sort of fancy bacon.
In five, four, three, two.
I know, you see somehow the world will change for me And be so wonderful Live life, breathe air I know somehow we're gonna get there And feel so wonderful It's all for real I'm tellin'you just how I feel so wake up the members of my nation It's your time to be There's no chance unless you take one And the time to see the brighter side of every situation Some things are meant to be So give your best and leave the rest to me Leave it all to me Leave it all to me Just leave it all to me iCarly S01E18 iPromote Techfoots And this is our conference room.
Cool.
Nice.
I like it.
Where did you get the turkey sandwich? Found it on some dude's desk.
All right.
Let's go over the game plan.
What do you mean? We don't even know what they want from us.
Well, they probably know that lots of people watch "iCarly," So I bet they want us to promote some shoes or something.
Cool.
Yeah, if they pay us.
We should get 50 bucks cash or no deal.
"iCarly"'s got a huge audience.
We should get at least 100.
Okay.
We'll ask for 100.
I hope they don't think that's pushy.
Yeah.
I'd hate for anyone to think I'm pushy.
I swear.
One minute my turkey sandwich Was sitting there on my desk and then gone.
Get over it, Braxley.
I'm stupid.
Carly.
Sam.
Freddie.
I'm Greg Horvath, president of Daka shoes.
Please, sit down.
Have a seat.
- We have a lot to discuss, -A lot to discuss indeed.
Our marketing team is very familiar With your web show, "iCarly.
" Apparently, you're getting More.
Impressive.
And that's why Daka would like to advertise Our new sneaker on your show.
Daka's new Techfoot.
Awesome.
Sweet shoe.
That's so cool.
The Techfoot is our most Technologically advanced shoe ever.
It has a pedometer, so you know exactly How many steps you've run, walked, or jogged.
It has a foot warmer for when your feet get cold, And it even offers Wi-Fi connectivity.
I call it shoe-fi.
Braxley.
I'm stupid.
So, how do you want us Lights.
Screen.
I'm Carly.
I'm Sam.
We love the new tech foot.
Yes, the new tech foot.
they are fantastic Mm-hmm.
That's what we want you to do.
Just talk about the shoes while they're doing "iCarly"? Exactly.
Because if your audience knows that you guys love the new tech foot, then they'll go out an buy 'em.
So how much are you gonna pay us? Sam.
You don't say it like that.
So how much are you gonna pay us? How much do you want? We want 100.
Deal.
We'll pay you $100,000.
Sam, Sam.
Braxley.
Now, $100,000 paid over one year comes to Over $8,000 a month.
Do we have a deal? Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Excellent.
Just sign these contracts.
You'll get your first check.
Whoa, wait.
Wo, wo, whoa.
We want cash.
- Keep it going.
- Yeah.
Keep it coming.
This is good.
This is fun.
This is a fun time.
And I bought some stuff Cause you know I got paid The other day Freddie, come over.
I'm having fun With daka's money Spending a ton of Daka's money I'm a rich girl Looking good, Carly.
Feeling good, Freddie.
So what did you buy? Oh, just this.
New laptop? This isn't just a laptop.
This is the Devaglia; The finest, best, Most insanely awesome Portable computer known to man.
Listen to the sound it made when you open it.
Sweet.
So what did you buy? Some awesome sunglasses from Mercedes Lens.
Fancy.
Okay.
Tell me what pair You like better, These Or these Uh Or these.
How many did you buy? I don't know.
I stopped counting after 30.
Side five.
Are you guys having some fun spending your tech foot money? Oh, yeah.
What is that? Oh, well, since I refuse To ride the bus anymore, I made myself this bike out of parts I found at the junkyard.
What's wrong with the bike you already have? I don't have a bike.
Yeah, you do.
It's hanging in the kitchen right there.
Well, too late now.
What up? Built a bike.
Later.
Later.
Hey, did daka deliver the tech foots yet? Yeah.
They're up in the studio.
Nice.
Oh, sorry.
Carly, Freddie, This is Sonya, my personal chef.
Yohoo.
- What? -You hired a personal chef? Well, my mom doesn't feed me.
And since I got some real money now, why not? Sonya, please make me a grilled cheese sandwich with tomato.
Yes, Ms.
Sam.
I like grilled cheese sandwiches with tomato.
Make that two, please.
Yes, Ms.
Sam.
I like grilled cheese sandwiches too.
Tough nubs.
Sonya, I'm done with this plate.
Dessert? I really shouldn't.
I can make you cake.
I'm thinking pie.
I will make pie.
Maybe it's just me, but didn't the tech foot shoe They showed us at daka look better than these? Yeah.
I think you're right.
Who cares? I got a lady making me pie.
They're kind of squeaky.
Yeah.
They're just new.
Probably need to be broken in a little bit.
Right.
True.
Okay.
"iCarly" Goes live in 15 seconds.
Let's shake it, baby.
In five, four, three, two Hello, people.
You're watching "iCarly.
" I'm Sam.
So I must be Carly.
So Carly.
So Sam.
Why don't we tell everybody about the insanely Awesome new shoes we got the other day? You know, we should.
Okay.
These bad boys are called tech foots.
By Daka.
And not only did they look cool They have a built-in foot warmer.
They have a digital pedometer To tell you how far you've run, walked, or jogged.
They even have wi-fi connectivity.
I mean, who wouldn't buy these shoes? Jerks.
So quit being a jerk and go buy yourself A pair of tech foots.
Woosh.
By daka.
Hula hula.
Hula, hula, hula, hula, Hula, hula.
- Hey.
-Hey.
Your feet hurt, too? Yeah.
These tech foots are killing me.
Mine, too.
Oh, and last night, I tried to use the wi-fi on 'em And they crashed my new devaglia.
And I think these things are squeaking even louder.
I know.
Mine too.
- Oh my gosh -What happened? I stepped in a little puddle and my tech foot shocked me.
No way.
And then they totally fell apart.
Hey, thanks for telling us to buy tech foots.
Really awesome shoes.
We want our money back Well, we didn't sell you the shoes.
Fine.
Then, we're just gonna stop watching "iCarly.
" Yeah.
There's plenty of other things to watch.
I hate these stupid tech foots.
Tech foot.
This is bad.
It's not that bad.
Thousands of people wearing the worst shoe in history Cause of iCarly, cause we told them How great they are.
This is bad.
I need some milk.
What happened to your homemade bike? I chained it up by the curb for a few minutes And one of those Street sweeper truck things Came by and sucked it right in.
Well, maybe you should Just start riding the bus again.
Not happening.
I'll just get around in an old fashion way.
You're gonna walk everywhere? No.
I'm gonna blade.
So what are we gonna do About these jankfoots? Well we better do something unless we want icarly To keep losing viewers.
Blubbery muffins? What? Blubbery? Blueberry.
Sorry, sonya,We're too upset to eat.
How about this.
We go talk to the guys At the daka, Tell him everything that's wrong with the techfoots, And then maybe they'll fix 'em.
I think that's smart.
Sam? Oh, sorry, I was lost In this muffin.
If you need me, i will be at the gym.
Will you get the door? Hey, hey, it's the iCarly team.
How you guys doin'? Not so great.
We need to talk to you guys About the tech foot.
They have a ton of problems.
Problems? Like? Well, first,They squeak really bad.
And the wi-fi Crashed my computer.
Carly got shocked when she stepped in a puddle.
And then they practically fell apart.
And when I throw 'em away, they exploded.
You know when you put out a new shoe.
They always have a few minor problems.
Minor? What would be a major problem? If they came to life in the middle of the night And ate your family.
I live alone.
Look, either you make the shoes Work like they're supposed to Or we will never talk about them on iCarly again.
Yeah.
Look.
You signed a deal with daka shoes and you took our money So you're gonna keep talking up the tech foots on iCarly Or you're gonna be in big legal trouble.
We're not scared of you.
Yeah, my uncle happens to be a lawyer.
I thought he got arrested? Shhh.
Here's another one.
Why don't you iCarly jerks come over to my house So I could put on my new tech foots And jump and down on your faces.
This is awful.
I know.
Half our audience hates us, and we're completely Out of blubbery muffins.
Look, on iCarly tonight, you guys got to tell everyone that tech foots bite.
No thanks I don'wanna get sued for everything I have.
What do you have? Oh, yeah.
Spencer.
What happened? One minute I'm blading down hill street, feeling good, On top of the world, And the next thing I knowbam.
I got a face full of dumpster.
Well, that's it.
From now on, Spencer's walkin'.
Didn't Spencer go to law school For, like, 20 minutes? Three days, thank you.
Well, do you think You could help get out of a contract? What? The tech foot one? - Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Well, I have to read it, but if there's one thing I learned in my 72 hours of law school, It's that every contract has a loophole.
So you'll help us? Sure but not right now, okay? I just had to walk eight miles to get home And I feel tired and sad.
You wanna nice bowl of hot soup? Yes please.
Sonya.
In five, four, three, two Hey.
Okay, this is iCarly.
And before we do anything else tonight.
We wanna talk to you guys some more about The incredible new techfoot shoes we told you about last week.
We're gonna show you all the reasons why techfoots Are so unique.
Hey, carly.
- Yes, Sam.
-Did your feet ever get hot And sweaty? Only always.
Well, that's not a problem with techfoots.
Don't I konw it? 'cause all you got to do is - Get them a little wet.
-Like when it rains.
And then You can just shove your toe to the front like this.
How wonderful.
And now Our technical producer, Freddie, Will show you another cool thing about the techfoot.
Okay.
If your computer's hard drive is cluttered With a bunch of files, music, And precious pictures of family and friends.
Techfoot does an amazing thing with wi-fi technology.
See, you just sync the pedometer up to your computer And it wipes out your entire hard drive.
Isn't that great? We're going over there.
We'll go over there And wait till you see this.
For those cold winter days.
Every tech foot comes with a built-in toe warmer.
And if you turn the toe-warmer on high.
Like this.
Then bang it on the table.
It magically catches on fire.
Isn't that handy? That'll keep your piggies warm.
And not only that It's also perfect for Roasting weenies.
So go out right now And buy yourself a pair of tech foots.
Cause this is one hot shoe You were warned.
I warned you.
Did I warn them? Oh, yes you warned them.
Not only did you violate your contract By not saying good things about the shoe, You besmirched the name of the tech foot by criticizing it.
You think that I won't take legal action against you? You think that I'm above suing children? Well, I'm not.
So I hope You have a good lawyer.
Oh, we do.
Gentlemen, I'm their lawyer, and this is my necktie.
Cool tie.
Yeah? Where did you get it? Socco's brother, tyler.
Now I understand that you're peeved at my clients.
They were in violation of a signed contract.
Your contract states only that the members of iCarly Must comment on your shoe, the tech foot, in a positive way.
- Which they didn't.
-Wrong sir.
I reviewed the webcast in question, and they only said Positive things About the tech foot.
Exhibit "A.
" And then you can just shove your toes to the front To cool them off like this.
How wonderful.
Exhibit B.
Like a magic eraser.
Isn't that great? And exhibit C.
It's also perfect for Roasting weenies.
How wonderful.
Isn't that great? Roasting weenies.
Those sound like very positive comments.
Wouldn't you agree? 'cause I sure think a judge would; certainly one who enjoys weenies.
And we're gonna keep talking about the tech foots In a positive way.
Just like we did tonight.
To over 300,000 iCarly fans every week.
Why are we huddling? I don't know.
They're doing it.
All right.
If you'll stop talking about the techfoot On iCarly completely, Then we're prepared to buy you out of your contract.
For how much? Ten thousand.
Twenty thousand.
Fifteen thousand.
Thirty thousand.
What? And you have give full refunds to every iCarly viewer who bought jinkfoots.
Techfoots.
I know what I said.
And what if I say no? Then we sue you.
All right.
Braxley, write her out a check For $30,000.
Nuh uh.
Cash.
All right.
Blubbery muffins? I'm stupid.
Keep it coming.
This is good.
This is fun.
This is a fun time.
Where are we going? Can you not try not to talk so much? Just give me a hint.
- Oh, look who keep saying words.
-But why can't you tell me Why I have to wear this blindfold? Hey, just be quiet and take off your blindfold.
What is this? A motorcycle.
I bought it for you So you don't have to ride buses, Or jinky bikes, Or rollerblade into dumpsters.
You spent your tech foot money on me? I got it 'cause of you.
You.
You.
Stick this on your head and get on.
Okay.
Where are we going? Canada.
See, you love their bacon.
I do.
Even if it is just ham.
It's good ham.
All ham is good ham.
Touche.
- Hey! - You there! You wanna see us do stuff you can't see anywhere else? - Do you? - I think they do.
Then go online to iCarly.
com.
Yeah! Go to iCarly.
com.
Once you get to iCarly.
com, you can see me and Carly And Freddie and Spencer do all kinds of wacky fun stuff.
You know you like wacky fun stuff.
So go online to iCarly.
com.
And see stuff you can't see anywhere else.
- Only at iCarly.
com.
- So go there.
- Do it.
- Seriously.