Kickin' It (2011) s01e18 Episode Script

Hey hey hey hey! You kids are getting sweat all over my mat.
This is why we can't have nice things.
Rudy, calm down.
Why are you getting so worked up? Bobby Wasabi is on his way here right now And he's got big news.
I love his entrances.
His last one was so cool.
It was not cool.
If you're gonna wear a kimono and fly on a jetpack, Dude, put on some underpants.
This time he promised his entrance isn't gonna be a big deal.
He wants everything quiet and low key.
Quiet and low key, huh? I would have been here sooner, But we hit a pothole and blew out a ninja.
That is an awesome ride.
I wonder if it's street legal.
It's part hot tub, part rickshaw, And a par-tay.
So, Bobby, what's the big news? I just signed a deal To produce a brand-new martial arts reality show Called "Wasabi Warrior.
" And it's going to take place in a dojo.
Your dojo.
What?! Are you serious? Five karate students living together in a world where they must outplay, outfight and outwit one another.
You'll be playing for a brand-new kamasaki water rider.
- No way! - What?! Are you serious? Hang on a second, guys.
We've all seen those reality shows.
Sometimes they bring out the worst in people.
Yeah, Eddie's right.
I mean this dojo is a place of honor where we come to study martial arts-- All I need is a host.
Please please, pick me, pick me! I've wanted to be a reality show host my whole life.
I'm the host.
I need a fanfare! This thing is filled with ninja spit.
Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you come kick it with me? and we could have a ball, run up the wall That's just we do And no matter how much I chop and punch It's not as cool as kickin' it with you Here we go, let's start the party Chop it up like it's karate Everybody Don't you get all tough with me I'm saying won't you Come kick it with me And we could have a ball, run up the wall That's just we do And no matter how much I chop and punch It's not as cool as kickin' it with you! Hi! Karate students are about to face the challenge of their lives.
Jack Kim Eddie Milton, Jerry.
Only one can be the Wasabi Warrior! Welcome to "Wasabi Warrior.
" I'm your host and sensei rudy.
You're about to enter a world of mental and physical challenges where you should always expect the unexpected.
What was that? I just blew up my car.
You don't expect that, did you? Now go on in and choose your living space And I'll be right back with your first challenge.
What have I done? That car's not even paid for yet.
Check this place out.
It's amazing.
- I call that spot.
- I got this one.
- Yes! - It's all mine.
What are you doing? I claimed this spot already.
Okay, you can have it.
I'll take that one over there.
Wait a minute.
If you don't want it, there must be something wrong with it.
Yeah, yeah, I know how these shows work.
You're trying to get inside my head.
Well, it's not gonna happen.
This thing's like a rock.
I'm taking that bed.
I really wanted that spot.
It's the closest to the bathroom, and I'll say it, I have the bladder of a 70-year-- Excuse me.
I'll be right back.
Welcome to the dragon's playground.
By random draw, Kim, Eddie and Milton, This challenge is for you.
It's a race.
The first part consists of the ball pit of despair.
It may look like fun But beware of hidden ninjas.
Then you're off to the banzai bounce.
Lastly, you have to get through The path of the tiger.
Whoever hits the buzzer first, wins the challenge.
I have a question.
When you hit the banzai bounce, are you allowed to flip over-- Go! This should be easy.
I'm built like a flying squirrel.
Except I don't regurgitate acorns to attract a mate.
Ninja! Am I competitive? Sure.
Do I wanna win? You bet.
Nothing's gonna take me down.
Holy Christmas nuts! I did it! I did it! I did it! Oh! Congratulations, Milton.
You won the challenge.
Your prize is a gourmet lobster dinner.
I can't believe it.
I love lobster.
Milton, before you sit down for your lobster feast, You have a choice.
If you eat the lobster, everyone else in the house eats gruel.
Or you can eat gruel, while everyone else eats lobster.
Mmm! So how's the gruel? A little dry.
Jack, first chance we get, Milton's gotta go.
I was thinking the same thing.
I think I'm done with this one.
It's mine! Our second challenge is the emperor's bridge.
Jerry and Jack, you're up.
The object is to try and knock your opponent off the bridge.
If I win that water rider, I'll finally get some attention from the girls, Which I don't get on my dad's riding lawnmower.
You have any idea how hard it is to pick up girls on a lawnmower? It's hard, yo.
Jerry, you'll be fighting with a pugil stick.
And, Jack, since you're a black belt, You'll be fighting with a feather.
Seriously? A feather? Gesundheit.
Great job, Jack.
You won.
And now you have a choice.
A traveling carnival abandoned this porta-pooper.
Everyone else in the dojo will have to spend five minutes in what we call the chamber of horrors.
Or you can spare your friends by doing the five minutes yourself.
I am not making the same mistake as Milton.
Everyone in the dojo hates him.
Pretty soon we're gonna be voting someone off, And I am not going home.
I mean, it's a porta-pooper they found behind a carnival.
How bad could it be? Oh, sweet mercy! Let me out! Let me out! Oh, it's horrible.
Whoa whoa whoa! - Okay, that is not good.
- Eww.
This is where our game takes a little Twist That you couldn't possibly have seen Coming.
Now we'll go ahead- Would you please stop that? I'm sorry.
I love the gong.
It's time for a vote to decide which of you will be going home in shame.
I didn't know they voted people off in these shows.
I've gotta stop reading and start watching tv or I'll never get anywhere in life.
I've counted the votes.
And the person voted out of the dojo is Going home.
And that person is One of you.
Who is it? Tell me! Tell me! It's Jack.
What?! After what I did for you people? You stabbed me in the back.
Ooh! I did not see that coming.
I can't believe Jack's gone It doesn't feel right.
He's our friend.
I'm really gonna miss him.
I feel so bad.
I feel so alive! Jack was the biggest threat.
If we didn't get rid of him, he would have gotten rid of us.
Poor chump never saw it coming.
Kim, I gotta admit voting Jack out was brilliant.
Well, we gotta work together.
It's the only way anyone wins on these shows.
What's going on? Did you guys form an alliance? No no no, it wasn't like that, man, okay? We just met in secret and decided to do whatever it takes to win, And now that I'm hearing it, yes, absolutely, we have an alliance.
That's not really fair, is it? You're not gonna have to worry about it much longer, Because you're out next.
What?! You told me Milton was out next.
What?! You told me Jerry was next.
- What?! - Everyone, just calm down.
I mean How much fun was that ball pit? You know who you could trust in this game? No one! We really need to put our names on these things.
Yeah yeah, you're right.
Welcome to your next challenge.
It's called The banzai brunch.
They say revenge is a dish best served cold.
That's why we've brought in a very special chef-- Your old friend Jack.
Hello, friends.
I put together this menu with you in mind.
At least one of you must clear your plate or I'm back in the game.
Martial arts requires focus and mental toughness.
Those skills are about to be put to the test.
Hello, Kim.
Maybe you can make a meal out of mealworms.
I'm out.
- Eddie.
- Oh, come on.
You wanna see what I have for you? Huh-uh.
What's the matter? Cat got your tongue? Oh! And, milton, You know what goes great with lobster? Panamanian dung slug.
Just pretend like it's a big French fry with mucus sacs swimming in a nice green slime sauce.
Okay.
Going down.
Going down! Yeah! Turning around.
Coming up! Coming up! Jerry, you're our only hope to keep jack out of the game.
Don't worry I got this.
Let me warm up with a couple of appetizers.
Mmm! Jerry's gonna do this.
Hit the road, Jack.
Not yet.
Jerry has to clear his plate.
When I was five, I was sitting at the beach eating a saltine.
I looked over and saw my grandmother in a bikini.
Since then, the taste of saltines brings back that horrible memory.
What I saw was wrong, yo! It's a cracker, you big baby, man up! I can't! Well, congratulations, Jack.
No one can clean their plate, So you are back in the game.
Yeah, back in the game, fools.
Jerry, are you okay? Put a robe on, nana.
I'm just a little boy.
Okay, look, it's obvious there's a lot of tension in here.
Why don't we just take our minds off of it and play a little game? What kind of game? It's called "one-word story.
" So we go around in a circle and make up a story, But each of us only gets to say one word.
I'll start.
This - Game - Eats - Hairy - Moose-- Okay! I have a game.
It's called you three lose and I win a water rider on national television.
That's right.
We're on television.
Hey, everybody, Kim has a crush on that goth dude From the yogurt shop with the detachable ponytail.
I do not! Wait.
That ponytail's not real? Really? What are you laughing at? The first night here Jerry cried for his mommy.
What are you laughing at? Milton can't go to sleep without his little bunny.
How long have you known about rondell? I've known about it the whole time.
You just embarrassed me.
I don't care.
You embarrassed me-- Wow, that is fun.
Okay.
Time for the final challenge.
When it's over, only one warrior will remain.
It won't be over till the blonde's on the water rider.
Right, but which one of us is the blonde? Welcome to the hang tough wall.
The last person to drop will be presentedr with the title of Wasabi Warrior By Bobby Wasabi himself.
You got that right, Rudy.
So that's it? All we have to do is stand here? This is gonna be a piece of cake.
I was born standing up.
No, literally, my mother had me on a bus and there was no empty seats.
Oh, its more than just standing.
Grab ahold of your peg because you're about to hang tough.
Release the Wasabi wind.
A little breeze doesn't bother me.
I'm not letting go until my butt hits that water rider.
Guys, I don't know if I can keep hanging on any longer.
My arms are getting so-- Forget it, Jack! It's time for the flaming balls of fury.
Whoa! Whoa! Is this even legal? Is that all you got? You call yourselves ninjas? But Ow! Nice shot.
You guys must be getting pretty hungry up there.
We've blended together the delicious leftovers from our eating challenge-- The worms, the tongue, - The slugs.
- The saltines? Yes, Jerry, the saltines.
Prepare yourselves for the shower of shame.
That was disgusting.
Yeah, well, why don't you stop whining and drop already? Let's just let Jack win something again.
We never get tired of seeing that.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself Because you're a little weasel.
You're a backstabbing liar.
Yeah.
Stop it! I tried to warn you about this.
We're supposed to be friends.
Eddie's right.
Look at us.
Hanging on poles covered in slop and yelling at each other.
It's like my mom's book club.
Them ladies get real, yo.
How do we end this? To save our friendship, We all drop down together.
He's right.
We've gotta show everybody that our loyalty to each other is stronger than just some dumb prize.
- You guys ready? - Yeah.
One, two, three.
Wait a minute.
Where's Eddie? What's up, suckers? Whoa! Ede? This is unbelievable.
He was working us the whole time.
We have our Wasabi Warrior.
Well played, Eddie.
Well played.
No hard feelings, right, guys? Just playing the game.
Eddie.
You are a lying, conniving snake.
Seriously, dude, That was awesome.
Dude, you played us so good.
Hold on.
We're about to hit a wave.
Oh no! Whoa, we're flying now.
How do you stop this thing, Bobby? Bobby.
Bobby!