Kiff (2021) s01e18 Episode Script

[opening theme song plays]
Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff, Kiff, Kiff
Kiff, Kiff ♪
Kiff ♪
[giggles]
[both laugh]
[Reggie] Brought to you
by GMW Catapults.
Table Town's
most popular catapult.
Thanks for coming over, you two.
I never could have finished
this sandwich on my own.
No problem, Reggie.
Yeah, well,
we love sub sandwiches,
we love helping people,
and we love our Reggie.
[both laugh]
[laughs and sighs]
So, what are you up to now?
My sister's gonna pick us up
in 20 minutes.
[Reggie] Yes, I see.
Have you gumdrops
ever tried Pretendo Time?
Wait, is this the thing
where you wear goggles
and feel like you're in
a virtual world?
Uh, I heard it makes you queasy.
I can tell you two
are skeptical,
but I've actually programmed
my own version of the software.
I call it "Reggie's World."
You can do anything
in Reggie's World.
See? I programmed this bit
to look just like my backyard.
[birds tweeting]
Yeah, but we could just go
into your actual backyard.
-It's right there.
-Typical small thinking.
That was just an example.
Think of something impossible
that you want to do,
and I will make it happen.
[laughing]
Ooh, I suppose it would
be pretty cool to fly.
-Ooh.
-We could fly over City Hall.
And see the top
of our houses' heads.
[chuckles] Child's play
for Reggie's World.
[game music]
Barry?
Kiff?
Try flapping your arms.
Flap. Flap. Flap.
Flap. Flap.
Oh, I'm feeling a little queasy.
-What did you think?
-Um good.
Yeah. You know, we weren't
expecting anything crazy.
For a game made by a kid
that was
Yeah, that was pretty good.
So, my sister's gonna be here
pretty soon.
Yeah, we should probably
go wait for her outside.
Uh-huh, okay,
see you later.
That was not for me.
Oh, my gosh, me neither.
[chuckles] Reggie's so funny
about his computer, huh?
[nervous chuckle]
Yeah.
What?
Nothing. I just had the feeling
he was watching us.
-Oh.
-It would have been cool
to fly around
Table Town, though.
Eh, I guess we can just find
some aerial drone videos
on the internet when I get home.
-[stomach gurgling]
-Oh. And when I get home
I'm gonna have a seltzer,
because my stomach
is not doing well.
Well, then that's our goal,
chum to get home.
Ooh, I love it.
[Kiff] And the stakes
couldn't be higher.
Oh, finding your way home is
life-and-death stuff, for sure.
[engine revving distantly]
[revving continues]
Hey.
-[both scream]
-Terri.
Oh, second goggles of the day.
-[snaps fingers]
-Home, Jeeves.
Sorry, Kiff,
I got one last pizza delivery
before I can take you home.
[groans]
[upbeat music]
[helicopter whirring]
[tires screech]
[music continues]
Oh, what?
-What?
-Ugh!
This guy paid extra
for tableside delivery.
I gotta bring it inside
and serve it to him
or I don't get paid.
[keypad clicking]
So are you going in, or?
I just wanna go home
and watch aerial drone videos
-on the Internet.
-Terri?
I happen to be texting
one of my best friends
about the current state
of the gig economy, okay?
If you want to deliver
the pizza, go right ahead.
[groans]
-[knocks]
-[door creaks]
Huh, guess it's open.
[both gasp]
[rope creaking]
Hello? Pizza delivery?
[both yelp]
[male voice] Yes. Hello.
I'm in the dining room.
Okay, let's deliver this pizza,
get the nuts and go home.
[heavy breathing]
[male voice] Yes, that's it.
You're almost
at the dining room.
This hallway is longer
than the one at school,
which is long.
[rope creaking]
This guy sure loves catapults.
[gasps]
Whoa, I think
that's George Meredith Willows.
The guy from all
the pictures in the hall?
Yes, it is I,
George Meredith Willows.
[laughs]
One large pepperoni?
Yes. Oh, I love pizza
for dinner, don't you?
No, no, no, no,
what are you doing?
-Tableside delivery?
-Not like that.
Use the catapult.
[Barry laughs nervously]
[whispers]
What is happening?
Whatever will speed this along.
I gotta get home.
[clicks]
[laughs]
[coughing]
Do you like my catapult?
Sure.
I invented the catapult,
you know.
Catapults paid for all of this.
Oh, wow.
Can we get our money, please?
[George]
What's your hurry?
Anything worthwhile takes time.
An education, a good meal,
an entertaining game.
If I was impatient
[laughs]
I never would have invented
the catapult.
[chomps, smacks lips]
And now everyone has one
on their dining room table.
-No, they don't.
-They don't?
Then how did I make
all of my money?
Look, I don't care
about catapults.
-[gasps]
-I mean, it's cool that you do,
but my friend and I here, we
We've had a very long,
weird day.
He's feeling queasy,
and I'm just trying to get home
so I can watch aerial drone
videos on the Internet.
Oh, you want your money,
is that it?
[mockingly] Where's my money?
Give me my money?
That's all your generation
cares about.
Follow me.
Follow me!
When I was young, it was--
it was an honor to have an elder
share with me the secrets
of the universe.
I think he's mad at us.
Him? Mad at us?
This was supposed to be
a quick delivery, in and out.
Do you realize how much
emotional labor
-we're doing right now?
-[laughter]
[door shuts]
Are we supposed to follow him?
I'm not staying in this hallway
for the rest of my life.
Come on, Barry.
The sooner we go in there,
the sooner we get home.
[Barry whimpers]
George Meredith Willows?
-[door creaks]
-Hello?
-The door, the door!
-[Kiff] Ah!
-[Barry] What is happening?
-[Kiff] The floor is moving.
[Barry] Hold on. Hold on.
Oh, no. He really is mad at us.
[Barry] He's gonna toss us
like two slices of pizza!
I just want to go home!
[gasps] Look, look!
[laughing]
No, wait! Please don't do this!
[slurps] Bye!
[both scream]
[helicopter whirring]
I guess this is the end, Barry!
Goodbye, Kiff!
You've been an amazing friend!
You too, pal! I love you!
I love you so much!
It's taking a long time
to hit the ground!
[Barry screaming]
Yeah, that was
a pretty powerful catapult.
Hey, there's City Hall.
[Barry] Aw.
[exclaims]
Barry, we're flying!
Whoa!
[both laugh]
[Barry] Oh, yeah! Whoa.
[Kiff]
Look! There's your house!
[Barry] Aw, my frisbee.
[Kiff] Whoo!
[both laugh]
But how?
This is impossible.
I-I-I don't understand.
I don't understand.
I don't I don't understand.
I don't under
Kiff, it was Reggie's World
whole time.
Holy mackerel!
The mansion. The pizza.
The catapult.
It was all Reggie!
Oh, it was nothing.
Reggie, you're a genius!
[both chanting]
Reggie! Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!
Reggie. Reggie. Reggie.
[laughs]
Yeah.
[announcer] Brought to you by
Rentley's Turtleneck Rentals.
Rent your future today.
-What you doing there, Kiff?
-School work.
I have to draw a picture
of a parent at work.
I'm drawing my amazing
professor mom.
Oh, Kiff.
Oh, cool.
Where's mine?
Yeah, Dad.
A picture of you
at your chosen profession.
Hmm.
Right now, it might look like
I'm lazing around, and I am.
But I am also percolating
about my big pitch later today.
You know what?
I'm going to let you tag along
to my next pitch meeting
and show you how your old man
makes the cheddar.
[upbeat electronic music]
I hope you're ready,
because, boy
[clears throat]
do I have some ideas for you.
"Thank you for this applause.
I deserve it."
Have a great day."
Oh, wait. Ha!
I'm reading this out of order.
Let me just find my place.
Found it.
It's a birdcage,
with a guest room.
[inaudible]
[whimsical music]
And the future is now.
[farts]
And that smells
like your time's up.
You can just wheel yourself out.
I don't have wheels.
[laughs] What a loser.
Imagine being that guy's kid.
[all laugh]
[Kiff clears throat]
Oh, no, uh,
we were just discussing
some other wheel-less failure
that we know, little girl.
No. She was gonna find out
sooner or later.
It's best that she learn
the truth now.
Let's scoot.
He was just a little nervous.
[laughs]
I'm loving this.
Hey Dad, are you okay?
A birdcage with a guest room,
tall coasters?
Dad, these ideas are brilliant.
Then why'd I stink up the room?
Your ideas are great.
It's your pitching that's weird.
You need to get over
your nerves.
Don't listen to her, Martin.
Keep tossing those crumbs.
[laughs]
[sighs] Look at him.
He needs a confidence boost.
Hmm.
[gasps]
What if I told you
I could get you a meeting
with one of Table Town's
biggest investors?
That's nice, Kiff,
but I'm kind of into this
arrangement with Greg and Linda.
Gonna stick with this forever.
I'm all out of crumbs.
What was that about an investor?
Yeah, no, I gotta jump.
Okay. Bye, babe.
She'll be with you guys
in a minute.
Can I get anybody a fizzy water?
Sure.
Oh, uh, okay, hold on.
So Barry is the assistant
to a CEO wunderkind,
and you two children were able
to set up this meeting?
Yes.
Just buy the second island
as well.
We can all see that
I'm a busy Hollywood agent.
KlipKlop Star?
CEO
I am the CEO of Terri, Inc.
Thank you for meeting with me.
I'm sorry, my hands are so--
Sweaty hands.
That's a good sign.
-You're passionate.
-Really?
Show me what you got.
So, uh, hello, my name is Martin
and I have some ideas to share.
The first is, um
well it's a it's a birdcage
with a guest room.
Oh, and I
You think that's dumb,
don't you?
It's okay, I'll just leave.
You kidding me?
It's a great idea.
-It is?
-Yeah. I'd love to hear more.
Okay, well
You ever feel like your
Coasters could be taller? ♪
Or need a shirt
With a self-popping collar? ♪
Roller skates
Without the wheels ♪
Instead there's a cheese
Grater under the heels ♪
You are blowing my mind.
Oh, well, I got plenty more
if you got time.
For you, I got all the time
in the world.
[laughs] Well, buckle up.
A belt buckle
But it's really a drone ♪
To skip the traffic
When you're on your way home ♪
A shower suit
That's waterproof ♪
But why?
For when you wanna get clean
But stay dry ♪
Ring sippers
Under zippers ♪
Eyebrow clippers
Stubble glitter ♪
I gotta whole lotta ideas
Coming at you ♪
You need to shade
Your front and your back? ♪
You need to get yourself
The Double Trucker hat ♪
Knock, knock
What's that you hear? ♪
Bang, bang, bang
Opportunity's here ♪
Knock, knock
What's that you hear? ♪
Bang, bang, bang
Opportunity's here ♪
[clapping]
I don't know how to say this,
Martin, but
with ideas like these,
you're gonna fly straight
to the top, kid!
Thank you so much.
Uh, which one
was your favorite pitch?
Uh, that last thing you said.
The Double Trucker?
The hat with a brim
on the front and the back.
Yep, that.
I mean,
based on the potential
profit margin you've got here
with brand identity,
you could soft launch the
spreadsheets, you know?
Incredible. If my money
weren't all tied up right now,
I'd go all in on this.
-Oh. Okay.
-[door opens and closes]
Well, that investor
seemed really invested, huh?
Okay, how fizzy does
your dad like his water?
Wait, where is he?
[sighs]
He's moping in the garage.
Our plan didn't work.
Oh, so I'm fired
as your assistant?
You were Terri's assistant.
[sighs] Let's go cheer him up.
Dad, this popcorn
will dry your tears
Spend it all.
We'll make it all back and more.
-What's going on?
-Didn't you hear
what the investor lady said
about the Double Trucker
and the spreadsheets?
Production is approaching
one million units.
One million units?
We rented out the entire
Table Town Arena.
-What?
-And here's the guest list
for the event.
Wait, Dad, you only invited
those three investors
who laughed at you earlier?
Yep. That's three coming.
The arena's capacity is 15,000.
So as long as 14,997
people show up,
it's gonna be a success.
Thanks, assistant.
Mom, how are you okay with this?
Your dad is so confident
right now.
Hot. I'm just gonna
let this play out.
It's okay.
Dad might be
a tad overconfident,
but what's the worst
that could happen?
You're right, magic sketchbook.
There's no way
Dad can pack the house.
I'm going to have to montage
like I've never montaged before!
Time to get to work ♪
Got to pack the house ♪
Put some butts in seats ♪
Fliers always work ♪
This can never fail ♪
To pack the house ♪
Whoa, a full house.
Aw, thank you, Kiff.
None of this would be happening
if it wasn't for you.
Yep. Keep that
confidence going, Dad.
And guess what else.
I ordered pizza
for the after-party.
Got your pizzas.
Terri? Of Terri, Inc.?
Oh, hi, Mr. Chatterley.
Hey, Kiff, you still owe me
20 nuts for that, uh,
thing you asked me to do.
[whistles]
Kiff, does this mean
what I think it means?
[sighs] Terri's not a real CEO.
I just wanted to give you
a confidence boost.
What? I thought you were
going to say
Terri's an eccentric
millionaire who delivers pizzas
to stay in touch
with the common folk.
And now exploding onto
the stage, the man of the hour,
-it's M-M-Martin.
-[crowd cheering]
I guess this is how
it ends for me.
[inhales deeply]
Not coming back from this one.
No, siree.
I'm so sorry.
I was trying to help.
Um, I
[farts]
[fart reverberates
over sound system]
I'm sorry for wasting
all your time!
-Dad, wait.
-Kiff, what are you doing?
Dad, Terri, Inc.
might've been fake,
but the confidence was real.
I really believe in you.
And your ideas.
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have seen the future,
and it's
the Double Trucker!
[energetic music]
[inaudible]
The future is now.
-[lone applause]
-What?
Brilliant. Visionary.
Thank you.
So you're gonna buy my hats?
Oh, no, I'm not an investor.
I'm from Rentley's
Turtleneck Rentals.
I'm here to pick up
that turtleneck you rented.
-I'm sorry, Dad.
-It's okay, Kiff.
I guess the world
doesn't want my inventions.
Doesn't we, though?
Oh, gosh, Martin,
we just love your invention
and we want to buy it
for a million nuts.
Really? That's enough to break
even from the arena rental.
Wait, you two can afford that?
Oh, yeah, of course.
You wouldn't believe
how much we save
by eating free crumbs.
We never buy dinner. And water?
There's water all over the place.
[announcer] Double Dipper.
I can reach the chips.
And I can reach them, too.
[both] Thanks, Greg and Linda's
all-new Double Dipper.
Wish I'd have thought of that.
Me, too.
[closing theme music plays]