Malibu Country (2012) s01e18 Episode Script

Hey, Reba.
Hey, Lillie Mae.
Oh, how's our new mama? I'm good, but ever since sweet little breeze has been born, I have been on baby duty, like, four-seven.
Don't you mean "24/7"? No.
No.
Four hours, like, every single day.
So, you know what? I could really use a girls' night out.
You know, I heard that there is a killer ladies' night at Johnny's Clam Shack.
Yeah, the oysters are aphrodisiacs So the men are extra easy.
So, Reba, why don't you dust off your "come hither" shoes or you know, maybe just get some? Oh, I already have a date tonight with my latest puzzle, which is due any minute from the puzzle of the month club.
Aw Sad.
Reba, this will be the fifth Saturday in a row that you'll be sitting home.
You are officially in a rut.
It's not a rut.
It's a groove.
A groove in the couch.
In the shape of your behind.
Hello, Reba.
Okay, I stopped by the Malibu puzzleworks, and I got you a mounting board and some puzzle glue.
Don't enable her.
She's two weeks away from a house dress.
Yeah.
We were just telling Reba she needs to try to get out there more, 'cause she's on a very slippery slope, you know.
First it's puzzles, and then it's puzzles of cats, and then it's actual cats, and, well, then the next thing you know, they're knocking down a wall and taking out your corpse with a forklift.
I have a very full life.
I have my music, I have my kids, I have my DVR.
I have shows about cakes, shows about hoarders, now if they'll just make a show about cake hoarders, I'll be in heaven! Oh.
There's my puzzle now.
Just to hear that knock makes my fingers tingle.
- Hey, Ted.
- Hey, Reba.
Got your P.
M.
C.
right here.
Oh, my God, they've shortened the name of the puzzle club.
Oh, I hope this month is something pretty.
Wouldn't be the only pretty thing around here.
Ha.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Okay, then, uh, see you next month? Okay, Ted.
Bye.
Uh, what the hell was that? Uh, what? Ted was just throwing down some serious flirt, and you dropped it like it was on fire, Reba.
"Yep, yep, yep.
Hey, hey, hey.
Ho, ho, ho.
" Oy.
I didn't know what to say.
The guy was fishing.
And all you had to do was take the hook in your mouth and start swimming.
No.
There's no way I could date Ted.
What if something went wrong? And then it'd get all awkward, and then I'd eventually have to cancel my P.
M.
C.
I I couldn't risk that.
Are you telling me that you would rather do puzzles than date a hot guy? Yeah.
Oh, boy.
No.
No.
You know what? She's just a work in progress.
- I mean, let's - Oh, my gosh! Puppies in a bucket.
Does it get any better than this? walkin' with my head high soakin' up the sunshine la-la-la-la-la, life is sweet Look.
Sage got me this for our 18th-day anniversary.
It's a little heart.
Wow.
Where did he find Shut it, Cash.
Anyway, this is the most fulfilling relationship I've ever had.
Honey, it's the only relationship you've ever had.
Hey, Reba.
We really missed you at girls' night out.
Yeah.
It was raining men.
And I did not use an umbrella.
I'm very happy for all of you, but don't distract me.
I'm in a zone.
That is so weird.
I've been getting these stupid e-mails all night long from this dating site, find-that-mate.
They say they've been getting me matches, but I didn't sign up for anything.
Really? That's so weird.
Golly, it's weird.
Okay! Wait a minute! You guys signed me up, didn't you? We totally did.
Yeah, you needed a little nudge.
So we made you a profile.
- A what? - And here it is, mom.
You look awesome.
Where'd you find that picture? That was ten years ago.
Dang.
I look good.
We used a photo app that softens worry lines and wrinkles.
It's called faux-tox.
I am not doing this, especially in front of my kids.
Oh, I'm fine with you dating.
I'm at that age where I want you to be out of the house a lot, so Mom, I know that before I fell in love, I was in a bad mood all the time, kind of like you.
But now it's like it's sunny every day.
Honey, it's Malibu.
It is sunny every day.
Yeah, but now I notice it.
Okay.
Well, I am going to go enjoy being in love.
Love, mom.
Love.
Reba, at least take a look.
Yeah.
If you hate them all, we'll delete it.
Okay, fine.
Oh.
Ventriloquist with his dummy.
Which one's the dummy? Ha ha.
Nope.
"Bikini inspector" t-shirt.
At least he's got a job.
Ooh.
Wait.
Look at this one.
Brad.
Ooh.
Hello, Brad.
Bad Brad.
You know, he is kind of cute.
So he's a non-smoker, owns his own business, ooh and look here "In the summer, I spend my time "hiking in the mountains of Peru.
Let me buy you a cup of coffee, and I'll tell you about it.
" - Oh.
- Ooh.
He sounds very interesting.
And he's exactly the same age as you.
Oh, it's just coffee.
What could it hurt? Oh, mama, I don't know if I wanna go have coffee with this guy.
Too late.
You're meeting him tomorrow at 2:00.
What?! What are you doing here? I came to make sure you'd show up.
Reba, you need a wing-woman.
Hey, I'll admit, I'm a little nervous.
Been a long time since I've dated, and I stunk at it back then.
It's 90% of the reason why I got married.
Now you've got to go find Brad.
I'll be right here if you need me.
- Okay.
- Good luck, baby.
Thanks.
Sorry.
Didn't mean to stare.
Nope.
Not Brad.
Reba? I'm Brad.
Good gracious.
How long you been waitin'? You're Brad? Yes, and you are quite lovely.
Well, thank you, um Sir.
Uh, can you hang on just a second? Sure.
Hurry back.
Okey-dokey.
Mama He's a lot older than his picture.
Everybody's older than their picture When when you think about it.
How am I gonna get out of this? Look you're gonna have to date at some point.
This is perfect.
You can practice your dating skills on him.
No pressure.
But work your game.
My game? I don't have any game.
And his game's probably bingo.
Go on, practice.
Puzzlers don't get to look down on anybody.
Okay, mama, just please go home.
Go on.
Okay.
I'm back.
So, Reba, uh, I don't want to do the quizzing thing.
I like conversation to unfold naturally.
Oh.
Well, me, too.
So, Brad, a little bit about me Uh, I have two great kids, I'm divorced, and I love puzzles.
What? How long have you been dating? - Well, the last one was a few decades ago.
- Oh.
That explains it.
Explains what? How you could possibly lead with stories about children and puzzles.
I beg your pardon? This is not a criticism.
Well, it sure sounds like one.
Well, I don't mean to be rude, but you are not exactly what I was expecting.
Really? I just expected you to be Younger.
What? Well, in your photo, you looked less this.
Me? What about your photo? I'm a man.
We become distinguished as we age.
To be honest, my upper limit on dating is 40, and that's only since it became the new 30.
So when you said you hiked in Peru that summer, what was it, the first summer after the ice age? You know what? I can't believe you called me out on a doctored photo.
You have some nerve, Brad.
Well, thank you.
That's not a compliment.
It is to me.
Well how 'bout this compliment You can kiss my butt.
Well, are you offering? Because despite your age, that I would consider.
You know what? You're lucky that coffee is hot, or you'd be wearing it.
That's fine.
I like it rough.
Ugh! Oh! I thought we'd go halfsies on the scone! Ooh! Thanks for helping me with my profile.
Sure.
Just don't let mom find out you're trolling the Internet for women.
I'm just looking for someone a little older, like, uh, like college age.
All the girls in my grade are just so immature and into themselves.
They've got nothin' to talk about.
I want a woman who I can have a real conversation with.
I'm not sure who you are suddenly But okay.
Hold up your hand.
Why? The profile asks for the shape of your hand.
Okay.
But why would Oh.
Say it's a little bigger.
Okay.
Okay.
Let me just take a picture and then we'll age it up with this app.
Sweet.
Ooh, give me a mustache and some worry lines on my forehead.
Something that says, "I have the weight of the world on my shoulders," but I handle it with grace.
Okay, I think you're asking a lot from an app.
- Good morning, Reba.
- Hey.
So how was your date? Oh, it was awful.
He was rude and old as the hills.
Then he said I was too old.
Can you believe that? Dating is brutal, especially in Malibu.
Where do these men get these double standards? And who wrote the rule that said men get better with age, but women just age? Men.
Oh, yeah.
But don't give up.
You gotta kiss a lot of frogs till you find your prince.
Forget it.
I am done Done with online dating, and done with Jurassic Brad.
Good morning, Reba.
Good morning, mama.
Good morning, Reba.
Good morning Brad? Wait.
You two After the Did the ugh-huh-huh In the ugh.
I'd say I was sorry, Reba, but after the night I've had, there's nothing to be sorry about.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Brad Jurassic Brad? Good for you, Lillie Mae.
Uh, could I get some grub? Then I'll do the old walk of shame Or as I like to call it, announcing I got lucky.
Mama What on earth? With him? I thought you'd left.
A wing-woman never leaves.
After you bolted, I went over to give him a piece of my mind, and we ended up bonding over your hot temper.
Then we got hungry, so we had a little dinner, then we got thirsty, and we had a few drinks, and then we got horny, and Okay! I don't need all the details.
Baby, let's just say that Brad is a giver, and I'm a taker.
Jealous? Eh? Okay, you listen to me, Brad What you do with my mama is her business, but this is my house, and I don't want Reba, we would have gone to my house, but I'm living with my dad, and he had a lady friend over.
She's about your age.
Okay, that's another thing If I'm too old for you, what are you doing with my mama? Good question, Reba.
Lillie Mae is young at heart.
She has a freedom about her.
She's not all responsible and uptight like you.
I'm not uptight.
Geoffrey, am I uptight? Reba, it's not a bad thing.
The world needs responsible people.
If everyone was fun, how would we know who the boring people are? I'm plenty fun.
Really? Just this morning I was telling Lillie Mae about this trapeze place on the Santa Monica pier where you go and you fly on the trapeze.
And do you know what she said? That it's dangerous and crazy, and we're way too old for that? No.
That's what an uptight person would say.
She said she would love to try it.
I love the idea of flying like a bird.
Hey, Brad, let's hit the trapeze.
Ah.
But first There's something I forgot to show you.
Mmm.
Uh, we'll take a rain check on the eggs.
I'm sure I'll be here again.
Fun? I'll show you fun.
What are you doing? I'm gonna eat breakfast without a plate.
You're not the only two that can be reckless! This is good.
Cash? Tina? Yeah.
Wow.
Without your mustache, you look really Young.
And you're not in college, are ya? I was.
Let me guess.
You aged up your photo? Yes, and you aged yours down? Yes.
Yeah.
Not that much.
Okay, then.
I'm sorry if I was dishonest to you.
I mean, I'm just a kid.
I'm actually really nice, but It's nice meeting you, ma'am.
Oh, you're leaving? Well, yeah.
Oh, okay.
I'll just Sit here alone and read this sugar packet, I guess.
Well, one coffee wouldn't hurt.
If I seem a little low, it's because I just went through a really horrible divorce.
Oh, yeah? I mean, it's not like he was some great catch, okay? He was bald and, quite frankly, a lazy lover.
Uh, Lillie Mae! Get up here! If this goes on much longer, I'm gonna have to marry this guy! I'll be right up there! Reba, what are you doing here? I'm getting out of my comfort zone.
Oh, you don't have to do this.
No, mama, I've been thinking about what everybody said, and you're right.
I need to put myself out there and loosen up.
You don't have to prove anything to anybody.
Flying on some crazy trapeze That's not you.
Mama, stop telling me who I am.
I wanna do this.
Well, you're gonna be terrified.
That's okay.
I need to get used to flying without a net.
There is a net, right? Yeah.
There's a net.
Okay, good.
Reba! You showed up! You go, girl! Set! Go! Whoo-hoo! That's a really tall ladder.
And then listen to this - My sister takes his side.
- Hmm.
I hacked into her e-mail And she told him that she always liked my friend better than me and that they make a way better couple than he and I ever did.
I mean, could you believe it? - My own sister.
- Nope.
No! No, no, no.
Oh, you don't even know the half of it.
There's another half? There is way more than another half.
I'm just gonna go and You sit down.
Oh, just making it up this ladder is an accomplishment for me.
I can't even see my comfort zone.
Good for you.
Reba, if I die, there's some stuff hidden in the base of the hula lamp in my room that you do not want the kids to find.
Set! Go! Hellfire! Whoo! I'm a bird! Hyah! Okay.
You know, a lot of people say, "don't look down," but you're gonna have to look down a little.
If only just to see who you're gonna land on.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
All right, let's get you buckled in.
Oh, scary snappy thing.
- I'm Steve.
- I'm nervous.
It's perfectly normal.
I'm guessing you, uh You came up here to abandon your fears? Yes, I did.
But now I'm up here on this little tiny platform way up in the air, I'm remembering how much I like my fears.
Why did I abandon my fears, Steve? Well, someone probably said you needed to live life, not be a stick in the mud, to, uh, take some risks.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I hear it all the time.
People come up here to swing on the trapeze - 85 feet above the ground.
- Oh Please don't put a number on it.
All because they got somethin' to prove Or they're drunk.
You're not drunk, are ya? Of course I'm not drunk! You don't have anything, do you? Oh, this is crazy.
I'm a single mom.
Oh, single's good.
I have two kids.
Not as good.
I'm kidding.
It's just it gets boring up here Until now.
I moved my family all the way out to California so I could restart my career, not risk my life up on a trapeze.
You know what? I don't need to do this.
I don't need to do this.
I'm good.
I'll tell you what.
I'll take a risk, too.
How 'bout you give me your phone number, and we can go out sometime? Really? Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I-I really like you.
You're not some, you know, crazy nut just out for thrills.
I mean, most people aren't this Responsible? Well, I was gonna say cute when they're scared, but okay.
So what do you say? Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.
You know what? I'd be happy to go out with you.
Great.
Great.
Oh but first, you're gonna have to push me off this platform.
- Are you sure? - Yeah.
All righty.
And hurry, before I change my mind.
Okay.
Hyah! Set.
Go! Aah! Make it stop! Whoo! Hey! I'll call you! That was a blast.
I'm so glad I went.
And that Steve is a super hunk.
You're gonna go out with him, right? Yeah, I think I will.
You know what I realized when I was swinging up there One let the circus people do that And two I'm entering a new phase in my life.
Yeah.
I'm gonna get out there and do more risky stuff, and I'm gonna push myself.
It's the new me.
And I owe all that to you.
Well, you're welcome.
Baby, I'm glad.
But you've got to start thinking of yourself.
You're a wonderful mother, but before you know it, those kids will be out of the house.
Hey, Cash, how was your day? Awful.
I don't wanna hear any woman talking about anything anymore ever! When did you say they'd be leaving?