Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja (2012) s01e18 Episode Script

The Ninja Identity; The Ninja Supremacy

1 Go ninja! I was chosen to protect my school from the forces of evil.
I am the ninja.
I am Randy Cunningham.
Smoke bomb! I say I say, how-do! I am Victor Von Van, builder of Norrisville's first hydroelectric plant: The Van Dam! Oh! That costume is the cheese! We are so getting an "A" on our history report! Yes, after crash-landing on your planet, I harnessed the power of the Brontosaurus Rex to construct You stayed up all night making that costume instead of studying for our report, didn't you? Not all night.
I slept most of it.
I spent a week making this model.
All you had to do was memorize a couple of Van Dam facts! - You have shoobed us! - Cunningham! Look at this awesome costume.
- It doesn't matter what I say.
I am Von Van! - That's insane.
Putting on a Victor Von Van costume doesn't make you Victor Von Van! Why not? Putting on a ninja costume makes you a ninja.
Hold up! That's totally different.
I am the Ninja! You are when you put the Ninja suit on.
The rest of the time you're Randy Cunningham.
OK, so if you put the Ninja suit on, you'd be the Ninja? That's ridiculous! If I put the suit on I'd be Victor Von Ninja.
And we'd fail our report for sure! I just passed inspection! I was chosen to be the Ninja for a reason, Howard.
And you're about to peep that reason right now.
You peep that reason, I don't have to peep that reason.
It's Ninja o'clock.
Hiya, ya! Smoke bomb! Ninja Cold Balls! Uh-huh! You thought I was coming with the sword, but what's this? You got Ninja'd! - Ninja! Ninja! - When you woke me from my slumber to show me the robot that would "finally beat the Ninja," I assumed it would finally beat the Ninja! And it will.
We guarantee it.
With 100 percent certainty! Dahh more like 95 percent.
Fools! Ninja! Ninja! Ninja! Ninja Swing! Thank you, thank you, thank you You smell like rainbows.
Look out! Ninja Ring! OK, but were you expecting this? Ooh! It's like that thing knew exactly what the Ninja was going to do.
That'd be the learning chip I installed.
Once the Ninja uses an attack, PsychoBot learns it and develops a perfect counterattack.
Very sneaky, Viceroy.
I love it! Ninja Cold Balls! What the juice?! You didn't slip.
And it improves its skills with each attack.
Oh, Viceroy, what didn't you think of? Answer, nothing.
Ninja Stab! Ninja Slice! Why are you so good at this?! Learning: Ninja Stab.
He just smiled! He just smiled! Where'd that robot learn to be so smug? - Heee.
- Ooooh, right.
Ninja Chain-sickle! - Ahh! - We got him on the ropes! Get the Sorcerer! Get the Sorcerer! Why're you so honkin' unstoppable?! Ice and I can't I can't stop I can't stop! Ninja! Ninja! Ninja! Smoke bomb.
Maybe he's not mad.
I mean, we were pretty close this time.
You have failed me again, McFist! You have failed me again, Viceroy! See what you did?! You made me throw my back out yelling at you! Clear my calendar.
And call my masseuse! Howard: Cunningham! Uh, you OK? No.
That robot knew my every move.
Like it was reading my mind.
I am in deep cheese! - We both are.
It crushed our model! - I only beat it by accident.
I need a new move.
Something unstoppable.
What about our project?! Hmm? Then it falls to me, Vincent Von Van, to stroke my magic chin beard and summon the, uh sky lords! Pretty sure I read something about sky lords Uh-uh.
Nope.
I already know all of those.
I need the biggest, Bruce-est move ever! "Ultimate Lesson: Do not enter until all training is complete.
" Yes, now that's more like it! Ah, what? You didn't see that robot! I need that Ultimate Lesson thing now! Let me in! Hiya! Yes, now that's more like it.
Hiya! Yes, now that's more like it.
T'was the best I could do without the help of enslaved thunder lizards.
Heh? Heh? Oh, I see.
Silent treatment.
Don't tell me you're still mad about the whole costume thing, Cunningham.
Who's Cunningham? - Mmm.
- Hmm? - Hmm? - Mmm.
Mmmmm.
That robot made me permanently ruin my good underwear.
Learning additional emotions: Fear.
Why do I even bother? Learning: Despair.
If that robot made me miss Grinder Day in Lunch Class, I'm gonna be angry! Learning: Anger.
Whoa! Shed-o occupado! - You don't remember anything? - Nope.
- You don't remember your name? - I do not.
Or our history report on the Norrisville Van Dam? - What's Norrisville? - Uh-huh.
I see what you're doin'.
Two can play at this game, Cunningham.
- What game? - Exactly.
- And who's Cunningham again? - Oh, it is on! Let's see just how far you'll take this amnesia thing.
See that guy? Tell him he smells like fish farts.
Fish Isn't that rude? And dangerous? Oh, no.
He thinks it's hilarious.
He loves fish.
And farts.
- Are you sure? - Mmm-hmm.
He's gonna bail any minute.
Any minute.
What do you want? Any minute now.
- To make you laugh, amigo.
- He's gonna bail.
Did you know you smell like fish far Fish sticks! And roses! With a hint of leather.
Best-smelling guy in school.
New cologne? Huh? Hey! He noticed! How come youse guys never noticed? Oh yeah.
You, my friend, have hands of steel.
Literally.
You're gonna want to see this.
All I want to see is you leaving.
PsychoBot is back online.
And it's angry.
Real angry.
Ooh! Ow! I "ooh'd" too hard! You're Randy Cunningham.
You're my best friend.
You love Grave Puncher and talking ape movies.
When you were seven you chipped a tooth on my bunk bed in an incident our parents still don't know about.
How do you know so much about the inside of my mouth, Harold? It's Howard! Howard! Huh? I bet you want to fight that thing, don't you? Are you nuts? Who wants to fight a giant robot! So Bruce! - No! No! Wait, that's crazy! - It's not crazy! You're the Ninja! - Oh.
I'm the ninja.
- Mmm.
I'm I'm the what?! You have to stop that thing! Look, man, I'd love to help, but I am not a ninja! Yes, you are! You have this mask.
And all these honkin' weapons.
And you have the Nomicon! I'll bet you did this to him! You have to undo it! Stupid book! Just put it on! It's a magic ninja suit! It doesn't matter who wears it! A magic ninja suit? Really? Are you listening to yourself right now? "Magic ninja suit.
" You have to save the day! That's what the Ninja does! If you know so much about being the Ninja, then you save the day! You said it yourself.
It doesn't matter who wears the suit.
And we need a hero.
We need you.
We need Howell Wooter Weinerman! Howard Weinerman! Ninth Grade Ninja.
For 800 years, the Ninja of Norrisville has battled the forces of evil.
Unless that Ninja forgets who the cheese he is.
In which case, his best friend has to step up.
I am Howard Weinerman! What the hey and something you And what the juice? And he's so Bruce And something cheese and Ninja Wheeze And something rock but something stop Ninja, hey Come on, you You the Ninja What the juice? What's the words? Forgot the words Don't know the song but in ends in Ninja! - So.
Honkin'.
Cool.
- I know, right? Got my mask, my weapons, my NinjaNomicon which I do not want or need.
I can't believe it! My best friend's the Ninja! - I'm gonna tell everyone! - You can't tell anyone! - Well that stinks.
- We don't have time for this! - So are you gonna - Me! Oh, right! Yeah, I'm goin'.
This does not bode well for my emergency underpants! Excuse me Smoke bomb! Ugh! I got it in my mouth.
It's in my mouth.
Ninja! We're saved! Ninja, you look weird.
You're weird! Now move, would ya?! Oh, Hensletter! Get off me! Ninja! Ninja! Ninja! Yeah! Ninja! Ninja! Ninja! Somebody order a Ninja Electro-Ball? Yes! Aww.
Oh, sweet! You lulled it into thinking it was safe.
- And then, z-z-z-zt! - Yeah.
That is exactly what I did.
I know, I know you're shocked! That's funny.
Mediocre zing Classic Ninja! Ninja whatever-ball-this-is! Deadly robot? More like Dudley No-butt! Am I right? Granted I'm kinda new to this, but that doesn't seem very Ninjalike.
Stop it! Stop hitting yourself! Why you hitting yourself, robot? The Ninja's making that robot hit himself! That's why I'm laughing! Check it out! Ninja Wedgie! OK, that's just wrong.
Learning: Humiliation.
Learning: Shame.
Learning: Disgrace.
That was awesome! I made a robot cry! It's a big day for me! Big day! You are wasting my time, McFist! Guy's been in a hole for 800 years, all of the sudden he's in a rush.
What was that?! Why are you wasting the Sorcerer's time, Viceroy?! You said that robot could learn all the Ninja's moves! - It can.
- Then why did it lose?! Something's different about the Ninja.
PsychoBot has never seen those moves.
And why's it crying? That was embarrassing.
It's crying because the Ninja was a big meanie! I have had enough! This is all your fault, Viceroy! Ooh! My back! Get my hot pad! Artificial fear.
Digital misery.
Binary humiliation.
Time for me to take matters into my own hands.
Ninja Fivers! Get 'em while they're high.
'Cause when my arm gets tired, they turn into low fives.
Is it me or is the Ninja's behavior a little, you know, wonk-ish - Yeah, buddy.
- It is pretty shoob-tastic.
Everybody lift with your knees.
One, two, I'm a hero! I guess shoob is the new cheese.
Hey, wait for me! - Huh? - Whoop, there it is.
Huh, looks like Howell left his book on.
What the juice?! Welcome back, Ninja.
Ninja?! Oh, no, you got the wrong guy.
Ninja's getting paraded around by the student body right now.
I can go get him.
You are pure of heart.
Brave beyond reason.
You are unstoppable.
You are the Ninja.
That's what Wooterpapa was saying, but I feel like I would remember something like that.
When a Ninja's fight is done it is time for him to learn The Ultimate Lesson.
His mind is wiped of all he has learned so that his experience may become part of the NinjaNomicon.
I must'a been mind wiped! I finished my ninja training! Was I an awesome ninja? I bet I was awesome.
Ultimate Lesson.
Do not enter until all training is complete.
Yes, now that's more like it! Let me in! Hiya! Ultimate Lesson! Now that's more like it.
Hiya! Yes, now that's more like it! I acted like a total shoob and mind wiped myself! What have I done? Smoke bomb, everybody, smoke bomb.
Hungry Ninja comin' through.
Listen, I'm a little light on cash, so what do ya say you hook a Ninja up.
I'm eatin' his Grinder.
Put me down.
I mean no one comes between a Ninja and his grinder.
Ninja Stick! OK how 'bout Ninja Ring! You asked for it: Ninja something ball! Ah! Sorry! That was a bee ball.
That's on me.
There is nothing Bruce about this! NinjaNomicon, you tried to stop me from skipping the Ultimate Lesson! But I didn't listen.
I should have listened.
Why didn't I listen? I'm sorry, Nomicon.
I'll never do it again.
I've said that before, haven't I? Well, this time I mean it! "Believe in the weapon that is in the suit.
Friendship is a weight the Ninja cannot carry.
When a Ninja does wrong he must own up to his mistakes.
A Ninja must know when winning is losing.
And losing is winning.
The way to forget is to remember.
I remember this! Oh, I remember everything! I am Randy Cunningham! I am still Randy Cunningham.
- Howard! You OK?! - No, not OK at all! Hey, you remembered who I am.
And who I am.
I know you don't want to give back the suit, but Take it! Take the suit! Take everything back! I'm not the Ninja! Wait, wait! Ninjas don't run away from danger! They run towards danger! I'm not the Ninja! Not the Ninja! Yes! Chaos spreading! My power growing! - The mask! Give me the mask! - Right! Mask! Wait a minute, what is this place?! Are you serious? This is the Van Dam! It took 15 years to construct! There's enough concrete in this thing to build a highway from here to the moon.
Why would I know any of this? 'Cause we are supposed to give a report on it! Really? You wanna do this now? Learning: Revenge.
Howard! Ninja Snatch! - I'm back! - You are so back! Let's do this! That suit bunches up in some really awkward places, am I right? Would you believe I missed it? Ninja Block! Ninja Block! Ninja Block! Ninja Slice! Ninja Slice! Ninja Slice! - Oh, boy.
- It can do that now! What? Stanked robot?! What the juice?! You will never stop me, Ninja! Soon I will be free! How do you destank a robot? Think, Ninja! You get stanked when you're vulnerable.
Howard made the robot cry.
A robot can only cry if it's been programmed with emotions! How do I make it lose its emotion?! Stanked Memory Chip! Ninja Chainsicle! Learning: Defeat.
Remember this? Ninja Cold Balls! Hey, Ninja? Still down here.
Just didn't want you to forget.
No! Freedom was within my grasp! Nice seeing him fail every once in a while.
- This is my new favorite show! - I can hear you! Not cool, Viceroy.
Not cool.
Howard, you were the Ninja for ten minutes and you destroyed the school.
Yeah.
Maybe you were right about that whole "There's lot more to being the Ninja than just putting on the suit" thing.
Although if I could go in the Nomicon, I bet I'd get that down in like no time! Ugh! You're an epic jerk.
But you were there when I needed you.
I won't forget that, buddy.
Attention students! Due to the catastrophic devastation, all classes have been canceled! Do you realize what that means, Cunningham? We don't have to give our report on the Van Dam! Except for the students giving Norrisville History Reports! Somehow the history classroom was completely spared! Oh, Cunningham, we're shoobed! Please tell me you remember our history report! - Actually I'm a little hazy.
- How hazy? Don't worry, I got it covered, Horace! Howard! It's Howard! - Howard Grubersquash, I remember.
- Howard Weinerman! Chirp.
Hungry Ninja coming through!
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