Rhoda (1974) s01e18 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
[DOORBELL RINGING.]
- HI, RHODA.
MYRNA MORGENSTEIN? - YEAH, MYRNA, I KNOW IT'S YOU.
- WELL, SO MANY PEOPLE DON'T.
- HA HA HA.
WELL, COME ON IN.
COME ON IN.
- I BET YOU'RE SURPRISED TO SEE ME, HUH? - YEAH, YEAH, A LITTLE BIT.
- WELL, AT YOUR SHOWER, YOU SAID TO ME, "WHY DON'T YOU DROP BY SOMETIME? YOU KNOW, ON THE SPUR OF THE MOMENT?" - UH-HUH.
BUT IF THIS IS A BAD TIME, MAYBE I COULD STOP BY AT ANOTHER SPUR OF THE MOMENT.
- OH, NO, NO.
THIS IS A PERFECT TIME.
I WAS JUST WORKING.
YEAH.
I'M WORKING ON A DESIGN FOR A STORE WINDOW.
- OH.
- BUT WE CAN TALK.
- GEE, IT MUST BE FASCINATING BEING A WINDOW DRESSER.
YOU'VE ACCOMPLISHED SO MUCH IN YOUR WORK.
I DON'T SEEM TO ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING IN MINE.
- OH, COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? NOW THAT'S GOT TO BE VERY FULFILLING.
- YEAH.
BUT SOMETIMES YOU WONDER AS YOU SEE THEM WATER BOMBING MR.
GUNTHER WHETHER "IVANHOE" WILL HAVE ANY REAL IMPAC ON THEIR LIVES.
- LET'S SIT DOWN.
SO, TELL ME, WHERE ARE YOU TEACHING? - OUR OLD HIGH SCHOOL.
- NO KIDDING.
- YEAH.
- YEAH? - AND GUESS WHAT.
- I LOOKED UP OUR OLD RECORDS YESTERDAY.
I GOT TO SEE EVERYONE'S IQ.
- OH.
- AND A STRANGE THING, RHODA.
YOU DON'T HAVE ONE.
- YEAH, YEAH.
I KNOW.
WELL, I ALWAYS MANAGED TO AVOID TAKING THOSE TESTS.
I MEAN, I HAD ENOUGH COMPLEXES, RIGHT? I WISH I HAD YOUR IQ.
REMEMBER, MYRNA, YOU HAD ONE OF THE HIGHEST ONES IN THE WHOLE CLASS.
- THE HIGHEST.
AND I HATED IT.
I EVEN USED TO TRY TO BE LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS AND GIGGLE A LOT, BUT IT DIDN'T WORK.
THE BOYS ALWAYS ACCUSED ME OF GIGGLING DOWN TO THEM.
BUT I'M GONNA CHANGE ALL THAT, AND WHAT I'M DOING HERE TODAY IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARD THAT GOAL.
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - I CAN'T SAY IT.
- WELL, THIS THING THAT YOU'RE DOING, ARE YOU DOING IT NOW? - ALL MY LIFE, I WANTED TO BE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO COULD DO THIS WITHOUT DOING THIS RIGHT AFTER.
AND WHEN I WAS AT YOUR SHOWER, AND I SAW YOU AFTER SO MANY YEARS, I THOUGHT, "OH, RHODA IS SO SELF-CONFIDEN "AND OUTGOING AND OBVIOUSLY HAD NO PROBLEM DATING ANYONE SHE WANTED.
" - THEN HOW COME I ALWAYS ENDED UP WITH STEPHEN SCHLOSSBERG? - BUT THE IMPORTANT THING IS, I WANTED TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU AND I ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
I'M GOING TO START TAKING ALL LIFE HAS TO OFFER.
YOU WANNA GO TO THE MOVIES SOMETIME? - SURE, YEAH.
AND IF YOU REALLY WAN TO GRAB LIFE BY THE TAIL, YOU COULD COME OVER HERE FOR DINNER SOMETIME.
- WHEN? GEE, THAT WASN' TOO PUSHY, WAS IT? - NOT AT ALL.
MYRNA, STOP IT.
I'D LOVE TO HAVE YOU FOR DINNER.
HOW ABOUT TUESDAY NIGHT? - GREAT.
- YOU'RE ON.
- OH, RHODA, BY THE WAY, WOULD YOU MIND IF I BROUGHT A MAN? - NO.
NO, NOT AT ALL.
- WOULD YOU MIND GETTING ME ONE TO BRING? WELL [POUNDING.]
- YEAH, JUST A LITTLE BIT FURTHER, JOE.
A LITTLE FURTHER THERE.
GOOD.
- HEY, WILL YOU GIVE AN IDEA WHERE YOU WANT THIS CORD TO END UP, BRENDA? - IN THE BATHROOM.
THERE JUST AREN'T ENOUGH OUTLETS IN THERE, JOE.
- WELL, HOW MANY DO YOU NEED? - LET'S SEE.
HOT CURLERS, HAIR DRYER, A FACIAL SAUNA, MAKEUP MIRROR-- UH, ROUGHLY 11.
OH, WAIT, WAIT, MAKE THAT 12.
I FORGOT MY DONALD DUCK NIGHT LIGHT.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- HI.
- HEY.
- HEY, GUYS, AREN'T YOU READY TO GO TO DINNER YET? - IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES.
WE'RE ALMOST FINISHED.
- OK.
BRENDA, SPEAKING OF DINNER.
TUESDAY NIGHT, IF YOU'RE NO DOING ANYTHING, YOU WANNA COME UP FOR DINNER? - OH, GEE, THANKS, RHO.
HEY, LISTEN, WOULD IT BE ALL RIGHT IF I BROUGHT A DATE? - SURE.
WHO? - I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST WOULD LIKE TO COME WITH A DATE FOR A CHANGE INSTEAD OF SOLO.
- RIGHT.
- I GET TIRED OF PRETENDING I JUST BROKE UP WITH SOMEONE.
- I USED TO SAY MY BOYFRIEND WAS SICK.
YEAH, I HAD THA POOR GUY RAVAGED WITH EVERY ILLNESS IMAGINABLE.
THEN, PEOPLE STARTED GETTING SUSPICIOUS, SO I LET HIM DIE.
THEN, I HAD A GOOD EXCUSE, WHICH WAS, I WAS IN MOURNING.
SEE THAT? - OH, WOW.
THEN I HAVE TO GE A DATE, YOU SEE? MY BLACK DRESS IS IN THE CLEANERS.
- HA HA HA.
LISTEN, BREN, IT DOESN' MATTER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER BECAUSE AN OLD FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL--MYRNA MORGENSTEIN? - YEAH.
- FROM THE SHOWER.
YEAH.
- SHE'S COMING TO DINNER.
AND SHE ASKED ME TO GET HER A DATE, BUT I TOLD HER THA I COULDN'T.
- YES, YOU CAN.
OH, YEAH.
WE CAN HAVE MY FRIEND, CHARLIE BURKE, OVER FOR DINNER, AND-- - OH, NO, NO, JOE, NO, PLEASE, NO.
- IT'S BECAUSE YOU DON' LIKE CHARLIE, ISN'T IT? - NO, IT ISN'T.
IT'S BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE FIX-UPS.
YOU KNOW? AND IF I DID LIKE FIX-UPS, I WOULDN'T FIX ANYBODY UP WITH CHARLIE, AND THAT'S BECAUSE I DON'T LIKE CHARLIE.
- WE CAN HAVE TWO PEOPLE OVER, AND IT DOESN' HAVE TO BE A FIX-UP.
- I'M TELLING YOU, JOE, IT WON'T WORK.
- HEY, WELL, LOOK, CHARLIE IS MY FRIEND AND I'D LIKE TO HAVE HIM OVER, TOO.
COME ON, TRY IT.
- I DON'T HAVE TO TRY IT TO KNOW THAT IT WILL NOT WORK.
IT'LL BE SOME CRUMMY FIX-UP, AND THEN I'LL BE STUCK, SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF IT.
- YOU'RE SURE IT'S NOT GONNA WORK - I KNOW IT WON'T.
- AND I THINK THAT IT WILL.
- SO, DO IT BECAUSE YOU TRUST ME.
DO IT BECAUSE I WANT IT.
I'VE NEVER ASKED YOU FOR ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.
COME ON, WHAT DO YOU GOT TO LOSE, HUH? - I'VE HEARD THAT WHOLE SPEECH BEFORE, BUT USUALLY ENDING WITH, "I SWEAR I'LL STILL RESPECT YA.
" I WILL GIVE YOU THE EXACT SAME ANSWER I GAVE ALL OF THEM.
SURE.
GOTCHA! GOTCHA! [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- YEAH, JUST A MINUTE.
- HI, RHODA.
MYRNA MORGENSTEIN.
- WELL, HI, MYRNA.
GEE.
YOU--YOU JUS LOOK WONDERFUL.
I'M AMAZED.
- IT'S THE NEW ME.
I'VE REALLY BEEN TRYING TO BREAK OUT AND TAKE LIFE ON ITS OWN TERMS.
I CAME THROUGH CENTRAL PARK ALONE.
- OOH, WOW.
DID ANYTHING INTERESTING HAPPEN? - I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST KEPT RUNNING.
- YEAH, LISTEN, WHY TAKE MORE FROM LIFE THAN YOU'RE READY TO HANDLE, RIGHT? OK, LISTEN, MYRNA, THERE'S SOMETHING I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU.
TONIGHT, THERE IS SOMEONE ELSE COMING.
A FRIEND OF JOE'S.
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST BELIEVE ME, IT IS NOT A FIX-UP.
- THAT'S TOO BAD.
- AHH.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- HI, RHO.
- MYRNA? - OH.
HELLO, BRENDA.
MYRNA MORGENSTEIN.
- YEAH.
HEY, LISTEN, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO BRING A DATE.
- OH, I AM.
I AM.
LENNY'S GONNA MEET ME HERE.
- OH, IS HE YOUR BOYFRIEND? - NO, NO, NO.
HE'S JUST THIS GUY I KNOW FOR WHEN EVERYONE ELSE FALLS THROUGH.
- HE'S A THIRD COUSIN.
AND HE HAS THIS THING ABOUT FEET.
I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO IT.
THERE'S JUST SO MUCH YOU CAN SAY ABOUT TOES.
- YEAH, AND LENNY'S SAID IT ALL.
- YES.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- YES? - HIYA, CHARLIE.
- HEY.
- HI.
- LENNY? - RHODA, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING YOU'RE WEARING THERE.
- THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW MY SISTER BRENDA, DON'T YOU? - OH, BRENDA.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE GOT? - WHAT? - A GREAT FACE.
- WELL, MY BODY FEELS A LITTLE LEFT OUT, BUT MY FACE REALLY THANKS YOU.
- HEY, I GUESS YOU GUYS HAVE ALREADY MET, RIGHT? - NO.
HOW YA DOIN'? - OH, WE RODE UP IN THE ELEVATOR TOGETHER.
- WE DID? - YEAH.
- SORRY.
- HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE TIME.
- OH, TO ME, TOO.
LAST YEAR, I TOOK A 2-WEEK TOUR OF LATIN AMERICA WITH 20 PEOPLE, AND AS WE WERE LEAVING FOR HOME, 19 OF THEM SAID, [CLEARING THROAT.]
- AND WHO MIGHT THIS BE? - OH, THAT'S JUST A FRIEND OF JOE'S.
- WHAT'S HIS NAME? - CHARLIE BURKE.
- AND SHE'S - MYRNA MORGENSTEIN.
SHE'S JUS A GIRLFRIEND OF MINE.
- HOW DO YOU DO? - YEAH.
- IS THIS A FIX-UP? - HUH? - I HATE FIX-UPS.
- SO DO I.
- DON'T WE ALL? - NO, NO, CHARLIE, REALLY.
LISTEN, YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND.
MYRNA IS A FRIEND OF MINE.
I JUST INVITED HER TO DINNER.
THIS IS NOT A FIX-UP.
RIGHT? - HEY.
TERRIFIC AUBURN HAIR.
- IT'S REALLY JUST RED.
- AUBURN.
IT'S AUBURN AND IT'S TERRIFIC.
YOURS IS BROWN.
- WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.
- GEE, BREN, YOU LOOK GREAT TONIGHT, BUT WHY DIDN'T YOU WEAR OPEN-TOED SHOES? - I DIDN'T WANT TO EXCITE EVERYBODY BEFORE DINNER.
- HEY, IRREGARDLESS OF THE SHOES, BRENDA, YOU LOOK FANTASTIC.
- EXCUSE ME.
THERE'S NO SUCH WORD AS IRREGARDLESS.
- MYRNA IS THE GRAMMAR IS HER BEAT.
- HEY, EVERYBODY'S HERE.
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE.]
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
HEY, I'M SORRY, BU THE LIQUOR STORE WAS CLOSED, SO WE DON'T HAVE ANY MIXERS.
BUT YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING YOU WANT WITH WATER OR ON THE ROCKS.
- OH, WATER'S FINE.
- WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE WITH THAT? - ROCKS.
- THAT'S A DELIGHTFUL SENSE OF HUMOR YOU'VE GOT THERE.
HAVE YOU SEEN THE VIEW FROM THE TERRACE? - YES, I HAVE.
- HAVE YOU SEEN IT WITH ME? - NO, I HAVEN'T.
- HEY, WHAT VIEW? - 15 SUPERS STACKING GARBAGE CANS.
- YOU STILL HAVE A VIEW.
I'LL BE OUT THERE, AND I'LL HAVE A VIEW.
SHE'LL BE OUT THERE.
- THAT WAS VERY THRILLING, WHAT YOU JUST SAID.
- YA SEE? WE DIDN'T EVEN TRY AND FIX THEM UP AND LOOK.
- IT'S A LITTLE EARLY TO BE SAYING, "I TOLD YOU SO.
" OK? HE'S PROBABLY OU THERE HAVING HER RENOUNCE THE DEWEY DECIMAL SYSTEM.
WELL, THEY CAN'T STAY OUT THERE FOR LONG.
I MEAN, IT IS FREEZING OUT THERE.
- YEAH, SHE SHOULD BE WEARING BOOTS.
LEATHER ONES WITH NICE WARM FUR INSIDE.
- BRENDA - LENNY? NO MORE SHOE TALK.
- SO, UH, LISTEN, MYRNA.
THEN WHAT ABOU THURSDAY NIGHT, HUH? - NO, I CAN'T.
- OH, OK.
WELL, LET'S MAKE IT FRIDAY, THEN.
HUH? - NO.
NO, I CAN'T.
- I KNOW WHA YOU'RE SHOOTING FOR.
OK, SATURDAY.
- NO, NO, REALLY I CAN'T.
- WELL, WHY NOT? - I JUST CAN'T.
- WELL, I MEAN, YOU MUS HAVE A REASON, YOU KNOW? I MEAN, YOU CAN TELL ME WHY NOT.
- I--TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, YOU SEE, I DON'T THINK I WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU.
- OH.
- IN FACT, I KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU.
- OK.
- AND I'M VERY SORRY TO HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I JUST DON' WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU.
- I UNDERSTAND.
YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING! I GUESS THAT'S CLEAR TO ALL OF US, HUH? - HEY, NOBODY HEARD ANYTHING.
COME ON, LET ME FIX YOU A DRINK, JOE.
- NO, I DON'T WANT A DRINK.
I'M SORRY, JOE.
THERE'S NO SENSE CONTINUING ON.
- CONTINUING ON IS REDUNDANT.
- CHARLIE.
STAY FOR A DRINK, WILL YA? - WELL, I'LL STAY FOR A DRINK.
- I THINK YOUR EXACT WORDS WERE, "WE CAN INVITE TWO PEOPLE OVER WITHOUT THEM THINKING IT'S A FIX-UP.
" - YOU KNOW, IT REALLY WOULD'VE BEEN A CLASSY THING IF YOU HADN'T HAVE HAD TO SAY, "I TOLD YOU SO.
" - I KNOW.
BUT IF I'D HAVE TRIED TO HOLD THAT IN ME, THE PRESSURE WOULD'VE BLOWN OUT MY TEETH.
DO YOU THINK HE WAS HURT? - YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
- YOU DO? - HE WAS HURT.
- I HURT SOMEONE? I'VE NEVER HURT ANYONE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, LET ALONE A MAN.
- OH, MYRNA, LISTEN, YOU COULDN'T HELP IT.
- OH, RHODA, RHODA, I HURT SOMEONE.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- RHODA? - YEAH, IT'S ME.
HI, BREN.
LISTEN, I'VE GOT SO MUCH FOOD LEFT OVER FROM LAST NIGHT, I FIGURED MAYBE YOU COULD USE SOME.
RIGHT? YOU COULD MAKE DINNER FOR LENNY OR SOMETHING.
- OH, NO, NOT LENNY.
DEFINITELY NOT LENNY.
- WHY? WHAT HAPPENED? - WELL, LAST NIGHT, MYRNA, LENNY, AND I LEFT YOUR PLACE AND WEN DOWN THE ELEVATOR TOGETHER.
- YEAH? SO? - SO, ON THE FIFTH FLOOR, MYRNA SAID, "WOULD YOU LIKE TO GE TOGETHER FOR LUNCH SOMETIME?" AND ON THE FOURTH FLOOR, I SAID, "SURE.
" AND ON THE THIRD FLOOR, SHE SAID, "I MEANT LENNY.
" AND ON THE SECOND FLOOR, HE SAID, "I'D LOVE TO.
" I GOT OFF, AND THEY KEPT GOING.
AS FAR AS I KNOW, THEY'RE STILL RIDING THAT ELEVATOR OFF INTO THE SUNSET.
- WOW.
- MYRNA? SHY LITTLE MYRNA CAME ON TO EVEN SHYER LENNY? AND IT WORKED? - YEAH.
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH LENNY OR ANYTHING, BUT HE WAS ALWAYS THERE TO FALL BACK ON, AND NOW HE ISN'T.
DO YOU KNOW WHA THIS MEANS, RHODA? I'M WORKING WITHOUT AN NET.
- AW.
AW, KID, I'M SORRY.
I REALLY AM.
I MEAN, YOU FEEL AWFUL, HUH? - NO, I FEEL ANGER.
LOTS OF ANGER.
I MEAN, HOW COULD HE GO WITH HER? THE ONE PERSON YOU FIGURE YOU'RE SAFE WITH IS LENNY.
YOU GO SOMEPLACE WITH A LENNY, YOU COME HOME WITH A LENNY.
YOU DON'T LOSE LENNYS.
- I CAN'T FIGURE HOW IT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, MYRNA DOESN' EXACTLY COME ON STRONG.
- OH, WELL, THAT'S HER STYLE.
SHE PLIED HIM WITH HER GRAMMAR.
SHE FLAUNTED HER TIMIDITY.
I DIDN'T HAVE A CHANCE.
YOU KNOW, RHO, IF YOU HADN' GONE TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH HER, NONE OF THIS WOULD'VE HAPPENED.
- NOW, JUST WAIT A MINUTE.
WAIT A SECOND.
DON'T GO BLAMING ME FOR THIS.
I WAS A POOR, INNOCENT PERSON SITTING IN MY APARTMEN WHEN THIS LITTLE, RED-HEADED GIRL COMES IN AND ASKS TO BE MY FRIEND.
- WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE SAID NO.
- YES, YES, I SHOULD'VE SAID NO.
BUT MA BRAINWASHED ME TO OBEY ALL SHORT PEOPLE.
[BUZZER.]
- YES? - YES, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- HELLO, CARLTON.
- IS YOUR SISTER THERE BY ANY CHANCE? - YEAH.
HOW'D YOU KNOW? - WELL, ABOUT 5 MINUTES AGO, SHE ASKED ME TO GET HER A CAB, AND I DID AND IT'S HERE NOW.
- OH.
WELL, JUST A SECOND.
WHERE ARE YOU HEADED, RHO? - DOWNTOWN.
CAN I GIVE YOU A LIFT? - YEAH.
- GOOD.
- I'M CONTINUING ON MY MERCY MISSIONS.
I'VE GOTTA GO DOWN AND SEE CHARLIE, SEE HOW HE'S FEELING ABOUT WHA HAPPENED LAST NIGHT.
YEAH, CARLTON? - YEAH, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- UH-HUH.
YEAH.
LOOK, CARLTON, TELL THE CABBIE I'LL BE DOWN IN LIKE A COUPLE OF MINUTES, AND WOULD HE PLEASE WAIT.
- OH, YEAH, HE WON'T MIND.
I INVITED HIM IN.
WE'RE JUST SITTING HERE SOCIALIZING.
- ON SECOND THOUGHT, WE'LL TAKE A SUBWAY.
- I THINK THAT'S WISE.
- WELL, CHARLIE, I CAME DOWN HERE BECAUSE I WANT TO TALK ABOU WHAT HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT.
- LISTEN, NO PROBLEM.
JUST FORGET IT.
IT'S LIKE WATER OFF A DUCK'S BACK.
WHY DID SHE SAY NO? WHAT REASON COULD SHE POSSIBLY HAVE? - WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
THIS SORT OF THING HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.
- YOU POISONED HER MIND, DIDN'T YOU? - ME? WHAT? I DID NOT! I DIDN'T.
- YOU MUST HAVE, BECAUSE NO WOMAN'S EVER SAID NO TO ME BEFORE.
- OH, COME ON, CHARLIE.
- NEVER.
- IT HAD TO HAVE HAPPENED TO YOU.
COME ON.
- NO.
OK, ONCE.
ALL RIGHT.
- YEAH, RIGHT.
- BUT THAT DIDN' EVEN BOTHER ME.
- WHY NOT? - THE GIRL WAS ELIZABETH TAYLOR.
- YOU ASKED ELIZABETH TAYLOR OUT? - YEAH.
SAW HER IN A RESTAURANT.
- YEAH? - WE WERE MAKING EYE CONTACT.
A LOT OF EYE CONTACT.
- MM-HMM.
- SHE HAS VIOLET EYES, YOU KNOW? - YEAH, I HEARD THAT.
YEAH.
- SO, FINALLY, I FIGURED, SO WHAT? SO SHE'S A BIG MOVIE STAR AND I'M JUST AS REGULAR GUY.
SHE HAS URGES, TOO.
SO I WALKED ACROSS THAT ROOM, AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS THE LONGEST WALK OF MY LIFE.
AND I SAID, "MISS TAYLOR? "MY NAME IS CHARLIE, AND I THINK WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME "THING ON OUR MINDS.
"I'M GONNA GET YOU YOUR COAT, NOW, AND I'M GONNA WALK YOU OUT OF THIS PLACE.
" - WHAT DID SHE SAY? - SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
BUT EDDIE FISHER TOLD ME TO GET LOST.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- YEAH? COME ON IN, BREN.
- OH, HIYA, MYRNA.
HOW ARE YOU? - WONDERFUL, JUST WONDERFUL.
I'M REALLY BROADENING MY LIFE.
- YEAH.
YOUR BRIEFCASE, TOO.
- OH, THIS IS MY PORTFOLIO.
I'M TAKING A LIVE DRAWING CLASS AT CITY COLLEGE.
- OH, YEAH? - YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WITH A LIVE NAKED MODEL.
- YEAH.
- THAT WAS A BIG STEP FOR ME.
- OH, BEFORE YOU TAKE ANY MORE BIG STEPS, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
HUH? - JUST GIVE ME A SECOND TO UNWIND.
I'VE HAD SUCH AN EXCITING DAY.
I'VE BEEN MAKING SO MANY NEW FRIENDS, RHODA.
WE GO OUT AFTER CLASS FOR COFFEE, AND WE TALK ABOUT AR AND MUSICDIAPER RASH.
A LOT OF THEM ARE MARRIED.
- I SEE.
LOOK, MYRNA, WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME, BECAUSE I DON' THINK YOU'RE GONNA WAN TO HANG AROUND HERE.
SEE, CHARLIE AND JOE WERE OUT PLAYING BASKETBALL.
THEY'LL COME WALKING IN HERE ANY MINUTE.
- OH, I DON'T MIND.
I MEAN, IF I STARTED AVOIDING EVERY MAN I TURNED DOWN, I'D JUSTBE AVOIDING CHARLIE.
YOU KNOW, HE'S THE FIRS DATE I EVER TURNED DOWN.
- HE WAS YOUR FIRST? - I COULD NEVER SAY NO TO ANYONE WHO WAS NICE ENOUGH TO ASK ME OUT.
- OH, MYRNA.
SCOOT OVER.
LISTEN TO ME.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, AND I KNOW HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE.
I KNOW IT.
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT SO TOUGH.
BUT SOMETIMES, YOU KNOW, SENSITIVE PEOPLE ARE INSENSITIVE TO OTHERS.
ANDHERE'S THE FLASH.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHA I FOUND OUT? - YEAH.
- CHARLIE HAS FEELINGS, TOO.
- AW, COME ON.
- HIYA, BABE.
- HI.
- DID THE KNICKS CALL? - WHAT? - I THOUGHT THEY MIGHT HAVE HEARD ABOUT THAT JUMP SHO I JUST MADE.
- HELLO, CHARLIE.
- I HAVE TO GO.
- UH, YES.
MAYBE I SHOULD, TOO.
- WELL, ONE OF US BETTER GO FIRST, BECAUSE WE'RE NO GOING TOGETHER.
OK, YOU GO, I'LL STAY.
- NO, MAYBE WE BOTH SHOULD STAY, BECAUSE ACCORDING TO RHODA, YOU GOT THE WRONG IDEA ABOUT THE OTHER NIGHT.
- MAYBE I DID AND MAYBE I DIDN'T.
- WHAT IDEA DID YOU GET? - THAT YOU'RE NUTS.
I MEAN, YOU DIDN'T GO OUT WITH ME, AND WE BOTH KNOW WHY.
- OH, WELL, WAIT A MINUTE, JUST A SECOND HERE.
MYRNA, DID I EVER SAY ONE WORD TO YOU AGAINST CHARLIE? - CHARLIE, RHODA WOULDN'T DO A THING LIKE THAT.
- WELL, THEN, WHY WOULDN' SHE GO OUT WITH ME? - I'LL TELL YOU.
CHARLIE? YOU WOULD'VE TAKEN ME OUT TO DINNER, RIGHT? - YEAH, SURE, I'D SPRING FOR DINNER.
- AND YOU WOULD'VE BEEN CHARMING AND FUNNY AND COMPLIMENTARY.
YOU WOULD'VE MADE A PASS, AND I WOULD'VE BEEN AFRAID THAT YOU WOULD THINK I WAS A SQUARE, SO I WOULD'VE ACCEPTED.
- YOU BUSY THURSDAY? - THEN, BEING WHO I AM, I WOULD'VE FALLEN FOR YOU HARD, AND WOULD YOU CALL AGAIN? - WOULD YOU? - SURE, HE'D CALL AGAIN.
- HE WOULD CALL.
- I WOULD.
I WOULD.
- OK.
THEN WE'D STAR TO SEE EACH OTHER, AND AFTER 3 OR 4 WEEKS, WE'D BE A THING.
- YEAH.
4 WEEKS.
- MAYBE YOU'D COME UP TO SCHOOL TO PICK ME UP.
- WHERE'S YOUR SCHOOL? - IN THE BRONX.
- NO, MEET ME DOWNTOWN.
- OK.
SEE? THERE I AM RUNNING OUT OF SCHOOL, GETTING INTO THE SUBWAY, ROARING INTO THE CITY, DASHING UP YOUR STEPS, SAYING, "CHARLIE, I'M HERE.
" AND WHAT WOULD EVERYBODY BE SAYING THEN, RHODA? - UH, HEY, WHADDAYA THINK ABOUT MYRNA AND CHARLIE? - I HEAR SHE'S RUNNING UP THE STEPS AND EVERYTHING.
- SEE? THE WHOLE WORLD'S TALKING ABOUT US HERE, MYRNA.
- SEE? THEN A FEW MONTHS GO BY, AND ONE NIGHT I CAN'T HOLD I IN ANY LONGER, AND I SAY, "I LOVE YOU, CHARLIE.
" - HEY, WAIT A MINUTE, WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THAT NOW.
- I KNOW.
I JUST WANTED TO SAY IT.
I'VE NEVER SAID IT.
- WELL, IT'S-- - LET HER SAY IT.
- I LOVE YOU, CHARLIE.
- OK! OK! YOU FEEL THAT WAY, BUT I TOLD YOU UP FRONT, I'M A CONFIRMED BACHELOR.
- RHODA, WHAT SHOULD I DO? HE DOESN'T WAN TO BE TIED DOWN.
- HONEY, YOU GO TO FORGET ABOUT HIM.
YOU LET HIM GO.
HE'S NOTHING.
- JOE, WHAT DID I DO WITH MYRNA HERE? SHE'S SO POSSESSIVE, I CAN'T BREATHE.
I CAN'T BREATHE, JOE.
- THE ONLY THING YOU CAN DO IS MAKE A CLEAN BREAK OF IT.
- MYRNA? I'VE BEEN A BACHELOR ALL MY LIFE.
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL GIRL AND AND I'M SORRY, KID.
I JUST DON'T WAN TO GET MARRIED.
- I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY, CHARLIE, AND I'VE DECIDED TO LEAVE NEW YORK AND SEEK A TEACHING POSITION IN NEW MEXICO.
AND THAT'S WHY I WON' GO OUT WITH YOU.
[BUZZER.]
[BUZZER.]
- WHAT IS IT, CARLTON? - UH, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
THERE'S SOMEBODY DOWN HERE WHO HAS GIVEN ME A SIZABLE TIP TO PUT HIM IN TOUCH WITH YOU.
- WHO IS IT? - CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- I MEAN, WHO WANTS TO TALK TO ME? - OH, WHO ARE YOU? - LENNY FIEDLER.
- WHO IS IT, CARLTON? - I FORGOT.
- IF IT'S LENNY FIEDLER-- - THAT'S HIM.
- I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO HIM.
- LISTEN, HE GAVE ME A $5.
00 TIP AND HE CAN TALK TO ANYONE HE WANTS TO TALK TO.
GO AHEAD.
- HELLO, BRENDA? I WAS JUST IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, SO I THOUGHT I'D COME OVER AND BEG FOR FORGIVENESS.
- AFTER WHAT YOU DID, LENNY? GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON WHY I SHOULD TAKE YOU BACK.
- SHE THREW ME OUT.
- COME ON UP.
- IT'S REALLY GONNA BE GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I-I-I REALLY THOUGHT OF YOU-- - EXCUSE ME.
YOUR $5.
00 ARE UP.