The Flintstones (1960) s01e18 Episode Script

- The tracks end at this tree.
- Which means what, Fred? Search me.
We know snorks can't fly.
We can't climb trees very well, either.
Or is it either.
It's neither.
I was just passing by and thought I'd drop in.
It's the poachers.
Glad to see you.
He's not only smart, Fred, he's also heavy! Rockhead and Quarry Cave Construction Company.
Who? Just a minute.
Hey, Fred! Telephone! - Okay, Ed.
Be right there.
- It's a lady, Fred.
Thanks, Ed.
Hello.
Flintstone speaking.
Hi, Wilma.
Fred, could you pick up a few little things on the way home? Half a dozen dodo eggs, instant pterodactyl soup 30 pounds of ribs.
Yeah, I know.
So long.
Thanks, Ed.
What does my wife do with her spare time? Why ask me? I got one of my own to worry about.
Give them clothes washers, dishwashers, disposals and you still have to "pick up a few things on the way home.
" A good, good afternoon to you, Mrs.
Stonehead.
How are you? Just fine, thank you, Mr.
Flintstone.
Junior, come on now, it's getting late.
Can I have just one more ride, mommy? Can I? Let me see now, a half dozen dodo eggs, instant pterodactyl soup - 30 pounds of - Hi, Fred good neighbor, esteemed friend and bosom buddy.
And don't forget, captain of the bowling team.
No, don't forget that.
- What'll it be, Mr.
Rubble? - 30 pounds of ribs.
- Why not? - Make that two orders.
One for me.
Also, why not? Hear you're going on your vacation, Barney.
Yep, first thing in the morning.
We're heading for the mountains.
We're leaving, too.
But you know where we're going.
- The beach? - Yeah.
Same thing every year.
- You know Wilma and her suntan.
- Yeah.
Here you are, Mr.
Rubble, 30 pounds of ribs.
Right on the nose.
- That'll be $3.
55.
- $3.
55? Shall I wrap them? At those prices, you should wrap them in gold leaf! - Last week 30 pounds was $3.
20.
- You remember? You bet I do.
Cancel my order! And his, too.
But, Fred Somebody's got to put his foot down sometime.
If you don't remember, this pirate will keep raising the prices every week.
It so happens I've got the memory of an elephant.
Would you like to try for a case of amnesia, Jumbo? You wouldn't dare.
Did you get the number of that truck, Barney? And get the names of some witnesses, too.
Boy, I'll sue him.
Betty ain't gonna like this.
She wanted ribs.
Mr.
Flintstone! Good gracious, what happened to him? - He got run over by 30 pounds of ribs.
- Run over by ribs? Junior, will you get off that thing? Can I have one more ride, mommy? Can I? It makes sense, I tell you.
Instead of us going to the beach and you going to the mountains we'll combine and make it a business and pleasure trip.
That's what we'll do, a business and pleasure trip.
- You mean we get the business.
- And you get the pleasure.
Droll, very droll.
What's wrong with cooking outdoors over an open fire? If you've got about two hours, I'll tell you.
You are funny tonight.
- Maybe we won't like hunting, Fred.
- What is the matter with you people? What did our ancestors have that we haven't got? Money.
You just said the magic word.
Because that clinches my case.
While we're having a vacation, we are also putting food on the table we're eliminating the middleman, namely, that wise guy butcher and we bring back our own ribs.
And speaking of money, just think of what we can do with the money we save.
- Maybe I can get that minkasaurus.
- We could use a new car.
And what's wrong with a new bowling ball for me? I've been wanting a new rake for a long time.
What's the matter with me, am I out of my mind? Yeah, golf clubs.
That's better! It might serve them right if we did go.
It might cure the economy pinch I've been getting.
Okay, Fred, you talked me into it.
You'll eat it up.
The great outdoors, back to nature coming back to camp where the girls are cooking over an open fire.
Cooking over an open fire! Okay, everybody hit the sack.
We want an early start.
- Like, how early? - Like at 4:00 a.
m.
That's how early.
We hit the deck, and rise and shine, and all that stuff.
But why 4:00 a.
m.
Because you always get up early to go hunting.
- Why? - How should I know why? That's the rules.
- Boy, we asked for it.
- I know.
Let's see now, did I think of everything? Barney, did you lock the back door? - Yes, ma'am.
- Did you leave a note for the milkman? - Yes, ma'am.
- Did you cancel the newspaper? - Yes, ma'am.
- Barney? - Yes, ma'am? - Don't forget the turkey.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Bring her over to Mrs.
Stonehead.
She's going to take care of her while we're gone.
Yes, ma'am.
I'll go see if Wilma and Fred are ready.
- Hi, Betty.
- Fred up yet? Of course, you know Fred.
4:00 a.
m.
Hit the deck rise and shine, and all that stuff.
You can't blame Fred.
He was up half the night loading the trailer.
- But why 4:00 a.
m.
- You know what's wrong with you girls? - You've lost that pioneer spirit.
- And with any luck, it'll stay lost.
Yeah, who needs it? Hey, Fred.
Come on, ready for the take off! Wake up.
- He's still asleep.
- Who's asleep? I was just resting my eyes.
Let her go, Barney.
Start the countdown.
Five, four, three two, one.
Blast off! - Here we go! - Maybe we're overloaded.
Stop talking and give her the gun.
- Step on it, Barney.
- I am! - Pour it on, Barney.
- I think she's starting to roll.
- We're off.
- Yippee! A hunting we will go, Fred.
Right, Barney.
And we're leaving all our troubles behind us.
Don't look now, fellas, but you're being followed by a garage.
It's always nice to take a little bit of home with you wherever you go.
Don't you love these early starts when we go on a hunting trip? Yeah.
Up and at 'em.
Rise and shine! Hit the deck! What's earlier than high noon the next day? All right, wise guys.
I had to put the garage back, didn't I? Anyway, once we hit that superhighway, we'll make up for lost time.
- Don't drive fast.
- Who drives fast? There's the turnoff for the superhighway, Fred.
After we get on that, Barney next stop, the tall timber country.
- This is the way to travel, Barney.
- Right, Fred.
Straight through, no red lights, no stops just zoom along.
How about that? Just as we're making time, we get behind one of those Sunday drivers.
- Yep.
Happens every time, Fred.
- Come on, let's move it! Give it a honk, Fred.
Oh, boy! - What's up, Fred? Why are we stopping? - Some smart aleck blocking the road.
Come on, let's go! Okay, road hog, let's roll it.
All right, what's the problem? This road hog up ahead won't move, Officer.
That's right.
As soon as we started blowing the horn - he deliberately stopped, just to be mean.
- Yes, ma'am.
There ought to be a law against these kind of people.
Blocking the road, causing accidents! Yes, ma'am.
I'll take care of it, ma'am.
While you're at it, why don't you give him a ticket? That'll teach him a lesson.
- Hey, Fred.
- Yeah, Barney? - You know that trailer up ahead? - Yeah.
- Who belongs to that trailer? - Search me, Officer.
- We got one of our own to worry about.
- Hey, Fred.
- Barney, I'm talking to the officer.
- But, Fred.
- Where's your manners? - But, Fred.
Our trailer's back there, Officer.
It's gone.
That trailer up in front looks like That's our trailer, Barney.
That's what I've been trying to tell you, Fred.
Faulty trailer hitch, obstructing traffic - creating a hazard.
What's your name? - Flintstone.
How do you spell it? F-a-t-h-e-a-d! Come on, Fred, cheer up.
Yeah, Fred, we all get tickets.
Come on, Fred.
Don't let it spoil your vacation.
- I guess you're right.
- Look, Fred, up ahead tall timber country! You're right, Barney.
Full speed ahead! All right, everybody, now hear this.
While Barney's chopping wood, you girls set up camp.
- Meanwhile, I'll scout around for tracks.
- Sure.
Wanna bet he makes tracks for the nearest shady tree? Timber! Speaking of a shady tree, here comes one now.
- Yeah, and it's a big one.
- Barney, the trailer! Fred, I just felled my first tree.
As soon as I get out from under here, I'm gonna fell my first neighbor.
Now, try to do something right for a change, will you? Just give me a chance, Fred.
That's all I ask.
Okay.
While I start the fire, you go catch some fish for dinner.
Will do, chief.
Wait till you girls get a taste of fresh trout, cooked over an open fire.
- I hate cleaning fish.
- I hate fish.
Period.
- I don't think there's any fish in this lake.
- Any luck, Barney? - Not yet, Fred.
- How's the fire coming? Any minute, Barney.
Any minute.
It's no use, Fred.
They're just not biting.
Fire's ready, Barney.
Where's the fish? How do you want it, Fred, broiled or fried? - Turn over, Fred.
You're snoring.
- Okay, Wilma.
Hey, Fred! - What's up, Barney? - How can I get any sleep with you snoring? Are you kidding? I haven't slept a wink all night.
If we're going hunting, we might as well get an early start.
- Hey, Fred.
- Yeah, Barney? - What are we after? - We are after one of the big ones.
- A snorkasaurus, that's what we're after.
- Snorka-snooker? What's that? It is morning.
With the morning, the hunters.
And with the hunters, the chase.
What sport.
- Hey, Fred.
- Yeah, Barney? What do we do if we come face to face with one of the big ones? - What do we do? - I asked you first.
Hand me that number five club.
Here you are, Fred.
The first thing I do is clobber him with the number five.
Like this.
No, not that way, you fool! You've got to keep your head down.
Then follow through, like so.
Then if he gives you any trouble, you give him a knock with your number seven.
- Hand me the number seven club, Barn.
- Number seven, coming up.
Like so! He's slicing to the left.
Or am I wrong, is it the right? Then for the coup de grâce, you tap him with this little club and there you have it, your snork is in the bag.
Then you might be left holding it, chum.
- Just one little question, Fred, if I may? - Speak up, Barney-boy.
What's a snorkasaurus look like? I wouldn't know one if I saw it.
Look, my friend, I will draw you a picture.
The head's kind of fat-like.
- Look who's talking about a fathead.
- And it's got a long, skinny neck.
A very bad likeness.
- Bad.
- Now, it's got a big round How are you? Glad to see you.
Please go right ahead.
Don't mind little old me.
We're drawing a snorkasaurus, aren't we? Of course we are.
Love it.
But we are making mistakes, aren't we? Allow me, sir.
Thank you.
As I remember, a snorkasaurus is a large, handsome animal.
A regal head, more shape to the neck, well-proportioned body.
And, yes, the feet.
Large, but neat.
There we are, the snorkasaurus! I am such a forgetful dunce.
One more thing, a snork makes a melodious sound, like so Snork.
You've been grand.
No, don't get up.
I'll find my way out.
Have fun.
- Who the heck was that? - Never mind him, we're after a - Follow that snorkasaurus! - Right, Fred.
Do you think the mighty hunters will bring anything back? They'll be lucky to get back in time for lunch.
I knew it.
The camper's best friend, the mosquito.
- I can't stand them.
- That's why I like the beach.
- Your play.
- Gin! Here he comes.
Yeah, I know.
Holy mackerella! I hope they get back soon.
Everything's getting cold.
How cold can cold cuts get? - Now what? - Ants, what else? The minute you set out any food, they zero in on you.
My game.
- Lf there's one thing I can't stand, it's ants.
- Same here.
At least they left an olive.
- There he goes, Barney! - We got him surrounded, Fred.
- Are you following me? - Yeah, but Who do you think you are? - The king of the forest, or something? - No, but Where's your hunting license? Where? That's what I thought.
A couple of poachers and lawbreakers, even.
I am taking you both in.
You, too, shorty.
About face.
To the game warden.
March! Hup, two, three, four.
Hold it! - What? - After him, that's what! A hideout for a creature in distress.
Help! No, no, no! Let me guess.
You're opera singers passing through.
What voices, what tone, what pizzicato! - No, we're not opera singers.
- And you better keep passing through.
Or would you rather have a hit in the head with a frying pan, you beast! No.
Beauties and the Beast.
What a title for a picture.
- It's been done.
- I have it! But it can't be.
The Miss Universe contest.
Right here in these woods.
How original.
But where are the other lovelies? But, of course, gone home defeated.
It had to be a tie.
Imagine two Miss Universes! Thank you, ladies, for brightening my last hour.
- Lf I must go, at least I've seen everything.
- Go? - Last hour? - Yes, didn't you know? There's a couple of sturdy hunters after me and when they catch me, it's the old one-two with the clubs! - Here's his tracks.
- They're heading for the camp.
- Maybe he's got the girls cornered.
- It would serve him right, the poor sap.
Here they come.
I must leave thee, fair ladies.
I bruise easily.
- There he goes, Fred.
- We got him cornered.
It's Fred and Barney chasing that poor animal.
We've got to help him.
- The tracks end at this tree.
- Which means what, Fred? Search me.
We know snorks can't fly.
We can't climb trees very well, either.
Or is it either? It's neither! I was just passing by and thought I'd drop in.
It's the poachers.
Glad to see you.
He's not only smart, Fred, he's also heavy! Fred, don't you dare harm this charming, intelligent creature.
- And that goes double, Barney.
- How are you, ladies? Glad to see you.
"Don't you dare harm this charming, intelligent creature," she says.
Yeah.
"And that goes double.
" So the great hunters had to let him go.
Next thing you know she'll be wanting to take this charming, intelligent creature home as a pet! My ears are burning.
Is someone talking about me? Wilma, what's the big idea? Fred, you said I could have a pet anytime I wanted one.
- This monster, a pet? - No, sir.
I'm different.
I can cook, sew, iron, carry your bowling ball.
Just try me please, sir.
Just give me a chance.
Please, pretty please? The Flintstones residence.
Mrs.
Flintstone? One moment, please.
It's for you, madame.
Thank you, Dino.
Hello? Hi, Betty, how are you? How's it going? Yeah, I was just wondering how Fred and Dino were getting along.
You know Fred.
Now he's complaining about the high cost of pet food.
But take it from me, Betty it's great to have a snorkasaurus around the house.
You can say that again! Come on, Wilma, open the door!