Up All Night (2011) s01e18 Episode Script

Can you say it's mommy's big day? Can you say that today mommy gets to work with Yvonne Encanto? Can you say that mommy is so excited to finally be working with an icon of lady business? I don't know if that sounds right"Lady business.
" Did I tell you about that time at NYU when she came and spoke at my media studies class, and I raised my hand, And out of everyone, she locked eyes with - Me.
- You.
Yeah, I heard about that.
I locked eyes once with the most wonderful man, and now he's gone.
Can't eat my normal amount, I can't nap, and everywhere I go, I smell him.
Honey, that's because you're wearing his shirt.
I imagine Kevin started his new job in his new life in Idaho.
Damn this real estate collapse.
You know, it's not the first time a man named Freddie Mac has ruined my love life.
I was once engaged to Freddie MacDonald, fill-in bass player for the Isley brothers.
What's that in front of his house? That's, uh, that's a "for sale" sign.
Ava, honey, you knew that this was happening.
Of course.
I'm just going to go chat with the real estate agent.
I've read great things about Bruce Lund on benches.
She's got to start sleeping at her own house.
I really thought last night she turned a corner.
The wrong corner.
Uh! - Wow, is she strong.
- Mm-hmm.
Ah! Oh, here she comes.
Well, I roused a nest of possums.
With any luck, they'll get into the crawlspace, and then they won't sell.
And then Kevin will have to come back from Idaho, and then it isn't officially over.
Sweetie, the only way you're going to get over Kevin this week is you've got to focus in on work.
We have our fifth anniversary show on Friday.
- Yvonne is coming today.
- I still can't believe it.
Yvonne Encanto bought our awesome little show.
Our lady business idol.
Our lady business idol.
Yeah, that still doesn't sound right.
Oh, get this, my stupid car is acting up again.
Lupe.
Lupe! Love those extensions, girl.
I wish she hadn't ditched the feather.
Yeah.
Yeah, what's wrong with the Brinkley-mobile? Um, I don't know, like, the ignition switch or something? I don't know.
I don't know Jack about cars.
Yeah, me neither.
I once had to call AAA because I couldn't get the trunk popped on a rental car.
You know, sometimes I wish I could be like my dad, go into my garage and just tinker around.
Are you kidding? I'd love to tinker around.
You know my Uncle wolf? Bad ass name, dude.
He just died.
So sorry.
But I inherited his motorcycle.
It's broken down, but maybe we could fix it.
Yeah, I've always wanted to be one of those guys who rebuilds motorcycles, are you kidding me? We could do it in honor of Uncle wolf.
Sorry, that was No, I liked it.
- We did it at his funeral.
- Oh.
Missy, Missy, what is this, a honeydew swan? No, no, no, no, honey, this is supposed to be an Yvonne power-brunch.
It's supposed to have egg whites and berries, not a honeydew swan.
Honeydew is filler melon.
I'm sorry, I don't know what's classy.
I grew up behind an Arby's.
It's okay, just, you have to understand, Yvonne is my dream mentor.
She's going to see things about me that I don't even know exist.
I mean, I know that I'm smart, but maybe I'm a genius.
I took this test on the Internet once that led me to believe that I just might be.
Really? I was led to believe I'd be with Kevin forever.
I miss him, Reagan.
I miss his big, weird feet.
Oh, sweetheart, listen to me.
One inspirational handshake/arm-grab from Yvonne and you are going to think of nothing else.
I hope so.
Ava Alexander.
My heroine.
As in female hero, not the drug.
Although, strong lady energy is like a drug.
Give me a rubber tube, a burning spoon, and shoot it through my veins, I'm addicted.
That handshake was electrifying.
That's what happens when women unite.
That's the power of y-e-s.
Yvonne Encanto syndicates.
- Ms.
Encanto, I'm - Reagan Brinkley.
Yeah.
I remember I gave a speech to a media studies class at NYU years ago, and you raised some very insightful questions.
Oh, my God, you remember that.
Well, there are plenty more insightful questions where those came from, so How's tricks? Shall we crack on? My time is limited and valuable.
As is all time.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
Eh? Oh, dude, this hog is totally badass.
Check it out! It makes me want to hit the open road.
Like Easy Rider.
Or the great escape, with Steve McQueen.
Yeah, or Wild Hogs.
No, Great Escais better.
Or, ugrease 2.
No the damn it, damn it.
Go get your toolbox.
Yep, check it out.
I got some pretty cool stuff here.
You got some Allen wrenches, and some matches, and soy sauce.
Okay.
We need to get some tools, dude.
Ah tool run.
Tool run.
Tool run.
- Let's go.
- Are we gonna run it? Yeah! You have beautiful calves.
That's because I never stop moving.
I don't have a chair in my office, haven't taken an elevator for 20 years, and to blow off steam I run for 6 to 8 Miles a day.
- Same.
- "Samesies.
" Now, let's talk about what arouses me.
Oh! She is amazing.
Hi.
You guys are really going to benefit from this.
Luke Granby, everyone.
Luke is a war hero.
Served two tours in Afghanistan.
He's my right hand.
So, where was I? You were telling us what arouses you.
Ava, you arouse me.
Reagan, you arouse me.
You too.
Nothing gets me hotter than strong, beautiful women in power! Yeah.
Right.
Here you stand, on the precipice of your fifth anniversary show.
The Ava show is good, but it's time for greatness.
- Yes.
- Yeah, absolutely.
Do you want to win? I want to win.
I can't feel you.
I want to win.
Do you want to win? I want to win! I want to win! I wanna win! - You're winners.
- I want to win.
- Oh, yeah, you want to win.
- I want to win.
- Strong, beautiful women.
- I want to win.
- Oh, God.
- I wanna win! Ms.
Encanto, we have lunch reservations for you Yvonne's off to the Allen and company media summit in sun valley.
But we should get lunch.
Why? I'm going to be working with you.
What about Yvonne? We were supposed to be learning all this Female empowerment stuff.
You will From me.
Now, what do we think? Mandatory meeting, my office, 15 minutes.
Here we go.
What the [Bleep.]
? What, does that frat boy think he's our boss now? I don't want a man in my lady business.
I bet she has no tan lines.
None.
I'm diggin' my skullcap.
- Yeah.
- Brain-bucket.
Dude, check it out.
Check out the tinted visor.
Yeah, keepin' it anonymous so I can flip people off on the D.
L.
flipping people off is so beast.
So beast, bro.
Is "beast" a thing? Yeah, I heard some kid say it when I was gaming.
It's the new "epic.
" And we can get in on the ground floor.
Wait.
We forgot to buy the tools.
Hey, Michael Jackson, beat it! I don't think I'm pulling this off.
Oh, no, you definitely are, dude.
- You sure? - Yeah, it looks great.
Ladies, have a seat.
Listen, I don't want you to feel threatened by me.
Okay? I am an extension of Yvonne.
Just think of me as one of the gals, all right? I don't want to turn this into some sort of "who has the biggest vagina" contest.
That, my friend, is a great show idea.
That sucks.
You can't say that.
Dudes, let me finish telling you about myself, okay? Now, I'll have you know that I was not always Yvonne material.
I was your classic bad seed.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, tweaking, freaking, complete disregard for - Yawn.
- Yeah, right.
We were the original bad seeds, okay? We were like, "f you, society.
" Yeah, it's like, if you don't like our 'tudes, then we're just going to give you some more, so Well, what saved me was the United States army.
Two tours in Afghanistan, screaming eagles.
Saw some pretty crazy stuff.
Stuff you really only see at the gates of hell.
We've seen worse.
Honey, let's just give him that one.
When I returned home, I needed a new mission.
That's when I met Yvonne.
Now, I know what you're thinking.
How does this cool, macho war veteran connect with female empowerment? Well, check this out.
Watch very carefully, okay? Joop, pants coming off, "whoa, where's my pants?" Reagan, touch right here.
Come on, humor me, please? Just a little touch.
What have you got? Nothing! Nothing.
Army guy is smooth down there.
You get it? All these years, I thought this G.
I.
was a guy, but no.
It could very well be, you know, some bearded chick with a hormonal imbalance.
Because it's not about gender.
He/she is a warrior.
May I touch her? - Oh, Ava, come on.
- Shh.
Now, warriors, we have our fifth anniversary show coming up.
I say, we get to work.
Reagan, why don't you write up a creative brief? I will look it over and then approve it.
- Oh, no, no, no, no.
- What? You don't get to choose show ideas.
We are the ones who have complete creative control Oh, proud lady! Listen, Yvonne is the big boss, and I proudly hold her purse, so, you know what I get to control? These.
What, are you milking a freakin' cow? Clearly these are the purse strings.
- I don't see that at all.
- It's not obvious.
Ow! Ah.
I hear tools.
Hey, man, we're kind of busy, gene.
Your gear selector's on wrong.
We know, gene wait, which one's the gear selector? You guys.
I used to work in a hog shop.
Pre-Terry.
If I never hear you say "hog shop" - Chris, sidebar.
- Yeah.
Hey, by the way, thanks for using attorney terms.
Should we let him help? He's not very cool.
Yeah, but check it out.
We're cool, and he I mean, look, he's already using the "clickety-clack" thing, right? Together, we're Fonzie.
Can Fonzie be a placeholder? I feel like we can go cooler.
Totally.
All right, let's hit that gear selector, huh? Hot darn! Okay, let's keep that to a minimum.
Hey, loverboy! Everybody's working for the weekend! Probably the same guy.
You know, we have done every show until now without doing a stupid creative brief.
I got the cutest photo of Amy today.
Two words: Carrot face.
I don't need to kowtow to this jerk.
You know what? Here's your brief, Luke.
- Ha ha! - Check out out.
Check it out.
She's holding the spoon, but she's eating the carrot with her fingers.
Huh, what? Aw! Send.
Ha ha! Burn notice, Luke! Unh, unh, unh.
no, n - Stop it.
- What? Okay, this carrot face photo is adorable, and all it got from you was one "aw"? I'm sorry, honey, it's just this guy at work.
This new guy, he's such a Reagan Brinkley, you are in breach of contract.
What? You promised not to bring work home with you.
You kept that? Check it out.
"I, Reagan Brinkley, promise on the Eve of going back to work "that now that I am a mother, "my home life and my work life will remain separate, "and when I am home I will be present "for my daughter and husband.
"And I promise also to have sex with my husband - five nights minimum.
" - Oh, you added that.
Let me see.
- That is cute.
- Right? Reagan, I got your email.
I appreciate your input.
Superb.
- It is! - Wait a minute.
Where's the green Mountain half-caff? I put in an order for refills yesterday.
Yeah, well, because I didn't get your creative brief, I didn't really know how to budget the show.
Then I saw your request for more green Mountain half-caff single-serve coffee pods, and I thought I'd use your email as inspiration.
- Okay? - Oh.
See you at the pre-show meeting.
That's for you.
Are you okay? I'm fine.
It's just, Amy got up at 5:00 this morning, I am exhausted, and Luke took away my green Mountain half-caff.
Why don't you just start the day with a glass of champagne like the rest of America? No, because then Luke wins.
Okay, he doesn't win.
I win.
Me.
I winner.
Shut it, Reagan Marie! Not my middle name.
I am pushing down a lot of deep Kevin stuff right now, and it's going to come out like a Cannon of tears if you don't keep it together! Okay.
I just need caffeine.
You need to calm down! Okay, honey.
Go in your office, and shut your door, and pull yourself together.
Damn it, I cracked my swan.
- Okay, let's see if it works.
- Yeah.
This is the moment we find out if we're real bikers or just sad dudes who shouldn't have cut the tags off their leathers, huh? Let's do it for that guy.
Yeah, Elton John.
Crocodile rock, all right.
It's Steve McQueen.
That is, yes, I know, I'm just in general Okay, here we go.
Whoo! Yeah! - Yeah, she's purring, man! - We did it, we did it! Yeah, she's really going! - Take it out for a spin.
- Yeah.
- Take it out for a spin.
- I should.
- Go on.
- Oh, whoa, we did it.
Reed, why don't you take her out for a spin, man? She's all ready, primed to go.
Oh, no, that's cool, you do it.
Gene-o! Huh? Yeah, you earned it, buddy.
Maiden voyage, take her.
No, my riding days are over.
They don't call them "donor-cycles" for nothing.
Do they call them that? You know, my Uncle wolf died on this bike.
Well, not on it, near it.
He was thrown from it.
From from this bike? A real grisly accident.
That's a pretty chunky factoid there, Reed, to throw at us now.
We set out to build a motorcycle to prove our manhood, but by succeeding, we've merely illuminated the limits of our manhood.
Kind of like that episode of the twilight zone where all that dude wants to do is read, and he breaks his glasses.
Yeah, that poor guy.
Yeah.
I'll do it.
- Yeah? - Yeah? - I'm gonna do it.
- Yeah.
I'll do it for wolf, and because I love this outfit, which I'm not sure I'm pulling off.
Are you kidding? You are totally pulling it off.
Loving every minute of it.
I don't know.
It fits right, but it just looks funky.
- All right.
- Okay.
Okay.
Get it! All right.
Oh! Oh! Ow! Ah! Ah.
Ow.
I'm fine.
The leathers help.
Ah Reed, man, you almost died.
Heaven would be happy to have me, yeah, but I'm still here.
Look at this.
Luke.
Unacceptable! Granby, you little turd.
Where's my chair? Oh, do not.
Do not milk a cow in front of me! Now you listen to me, young man.
We have been doing just fine for the last five years without you coming in here with your man/woman nonsense and your power plays and your jive-ass chair, okay? Now, last night, I did a "half aw" to my baby's carrot face, and normally I'd kiss the phone.
Reagan, are you Are you crying? No.
I miss Kevin! Oh, God, I'm such a girl.
Hello? - Hey, babe, it's me.
- Yes? Just on my way home.
What's going on? Reagan, honey, are you crying? It's nothing, it's just that stupid guy at work.
I'll tell you about it later.
Reagan.
Reagan! Ah! This guy's going down.
I am so beast.
Hey! That's what the beast does! Super beast! Aw, man, if only my buddies could see how beast I am.
Rebuilt it myself.
Me and my buddies, just in the garage.
Oh, these pants are so hot.
I am so beast! You Luke? Yes, I am.
Who the hell are you? I'm your worst nightmare.
You made my wife cry, and now I'm gonna make you cry.
Honey, what are you doing here? Reagan, I got this.
My wife is really stressed out.
She works her ass off, she's got a baby at home, and I don't know if you know anything about - postpartum hormonal changes.
- Chris.
Things shift, there are urine issues Okay, stop it, stop it.
This is so, like, whatever the female version of emasculating would be.
"Femasculating.
" Yvonne speaks of it.
Okay, seriously, go.
It was very nice of you to come.
I can take care of myself.
- All right, all right.
- Oh, je Yeah, this is my advanced hawk aviator skull dual-visor full face helmet.
He didn't even flinch.
Honey, he was in the [bleep.]
ing army.
- Reagan.
- Oh, what? Wow, that was I don't want you to feel embarrassed about what just happened.
Your husband, the crying, your post-natal incontinence.
You know what? Let's not do this right now.
You are one of the toughest people I have ever worked with, man or woman.
Really? Yeah, you are killing it at this job.
You are raising a baby and you are dealing with some kind of crazed biker husband.
Wow, would he love to hear you say that.
And you are super talented.
That's why Yvonne wanted to work with you in the first place.
- Yvonne thinks I'm talented? - Yes, she does.
I know, her approval means so much.
It's everything.
It's everything.
Oof.
Wow, we had a little moment just then.
- Did we? - Yeah.
It felt real.
Anyway, Ava is spiraling.
Okay.
She reminds me of a sergeant I had in Kabul.
His left testicle, it was crushed when a supply van overturned and a giant can of peaches got loose.
Now, he healed, but he forever had this stunned look of "why?" On his face.
Okay.
Now, our fifth anniversary show is in two hours, and Ava is refusing to do it.
So, I need your help.
Let's do this thing.
Okay.
Hi, honey.
How are you? You upset about Kevin? What's this song? It's an original composition, entitled my love is in Idaho, and my heart feels like knives What's it about? It's about me, Reagan.
And a little bit about climate change.
Come on, girl.
Let's go for a drive.
Yeah.
Good-bye, Vin.
Reagan, you should smell his shirt too.
I don't want to okay.
Oh.
- Smells like Del Taco.
- That's me.
I wore it to my late night snack last night.
Okay.
So, honey, do you feel closure now? Are you ready to move on? Oh.
Right.
I'm ready.
Bruce Lund, you may sell the house now.
Godspeed.
Thank you for coming to our fifth anniversary show.
We'll see you on the tenth.
But keep on watching in between.
I'm a survivor I'm not gonna give up I'm not gonna stop I'm gonna work harder I'm a survivor Destiny's child.
Good call.
Got me through three Taliban attacks.
I'm not gonna stop I'm gonna work harder I'm a survivor I'm gonna make it, I will survive keep on survivin' Honey, what are you still doing here? You know how sometimes adrenaline gets you all riled up and gives you courage and then starts to wear off, and - Yeah? - I need a ride home.
In a car.
I'm done with this thing.
All right.
Let's ditch that bike.
- You keep them pants, though.
- Really? Oh, mm.
Babe, seriously, we've been making out for 40 minutes now, and I love foreplay as much as the next guy, but seriously, come on, get 'em I'm sorry.
I can't get these pants off, I don't know what to to do.
Keep trying.
No, you know what, I don't care, I'm tired anyway.
- No, no, I feel like I got - I love you.
I was so close.
You know what? If you just grab one of the ankles, it's kind of bunching up around the knee.
Babe, just grab it, otherwise, I'm going to have to cut myself out.
- Seriously.
- I can't.
I can't spend the night in these.