Victorious s01e18 Episode Script

Okay, if you had to give up the Internet or one of your feet? Foot.
Take a foot.
Really? You all give up a foot to keep the Internet? Totally.
Wouldn't you? You love the Internet.
I know, but my foot is a part of my body.
And the Internet is yeah, bye foot.
All right, future superstars, take your seats, because at this point in your lives, I am in charge of you.
Come on, hurry up.
Let's not waste time.
We've got some excitement today.
Yay, I love excitement.
Who doesn't love excitement? Damian.
She's right Tori.
Okay.
So today, instead of discussing the differences Hi.
Sorry I'm late, sweaty and out of breath.
Somebody get me some coffee.
Robbie, just sit down.
Why are you late? 'Cause my Uncle Marty gave me this old car, which I was really psyched about, except it keeps breaking down.
And on my way here, the motor died in the middle of a really bad neighborhood.
Now, don't get me wrong.
I like all people, but look, a mean guy took my left shoe and Rex's.
Put my foot down.
Okay.
Let's all shut up and let teacher talk.
Now, I bet you are all familiar with the short film called "butterface".
Yeah, of course.
Oh my God, I've watched that movie online like a billion times.
Yeah.
Who hasn't? Well, I'm glad you're all aware of the film because I'd like you to meet the director of "butterface " no way.
Don't tease me.
A former student of mine, Dale squires.
Let him hear it.
What's up, guys? Okay, Dale, the podium is all yours.
Nice.
I've alwayu wanted a plexiglas podium.
Uh, what happened to your shoe? Oh, it was taken by street toughs.
Hey, is it true that you're gonna be directing Johnny depp's new movie? Uh, looks that way, yeah.
It's so that even excites me.
Dale there he is.
Oh my God, there he is.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What is going on here? Cat sent out a mass text message that Dale squires is here.
I love mass texting.
Come on, come on, come on, come on.
Hey, hey, guys, you can't hi, Dale.
I hear you're directing the new Johnny depp movie.
And guess what? I'd be perfect.
Here's my head shot.
All right.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
If you are not in this class, then leave.
Yeah.
Yeah, you heard the man.
Go on.
Get out.
Schoochie, schoochie.
Hey.
You too, trina.
But I'd look so good next to Johnny depp in a movie.
Please, Dale? Tori, can you make your sister leave? Trina, stop embarrassing me or I'm gonna embarrass you.
Don't threaten me.
When trina was six, our family went to the mall just before Christmas.
Don't say it.
And she peed Tori.
On Santa claus.
Thank you, Tori.
Dale? All right.
What were we talking about? In all fairness, I did have a bladder infection.
Go.
Here I am, once again feeling lost but now and then I breathe it in to let it go and you don't know where you are now or what it would come to if only somebody could hear when you figure out how you're lost in the moment you disappear you don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action you're never gonna fade you'll be the main attraction not a fantasy just remember me when it turns out right 'cause you know that if you live in your imagination tomorrow you'll be everybody's fascination in my victory just remember me when I make it shine So that's why I went with a handheld camera.
I wanted to give it that panicky, jittery feel, you know? I love that panicky, jittery feeling.
And it was totally brilliant how you didn't even see his wife in that scene.
Yeah, 'cause it made you think, like, "where is she?" Well, to be honest, she wasn't in the scene because the actress who played the wife got food poisoning and was puking in the bathroom.
But hey, I'll take brilliant.
One time, I ate a hamburger.
And then, like, an hour later, I started sneezing, but I don't think it had anything to do with the hamburger.
Maybe your red hair dye seeps through your scalp and into your brain.
Can that happen? So, Dale, why don't you tell my class why you're here? Yeah.
Well, Chris asked me if I'd help you guys make a short film, kind of as a class project.
A what? No way.
Cool.
And you'll direct it? Is that cool with you? That's very cool with me, Dale squires.
So what kind of movie are we gonna make? I don't know.
I was thinking something maybe intense, scary.
Like Jade? Oh.
You knocked him unconscious.
Hey, Beck, maybe we could rework that one-act play you wrote last semester? Yeah, I'd be into that.
Oh.
And I talked to a guy in the biz, he's gonna let us use professional film cameras, lights, whatever we need.
Where are we gonna film? Oh, we can shoot it at my house.
All right.
I think we're making a movie.
Let's do it.
I created this photo of me and Johnny depp together, so you could see what we might look like as a on Santa claus.
Bladder infection.
Out.
Hey.
There it is.
There she is.
Oh, right, cars are called she.
Not just cars.
Not just cars? Also boats, airplanes, my Uncle Barbara.
Okay.
So do you think you can fix my car? Pop the hood.
Right.
The hood.
Okay, popping the hood.
Time to pop the hood? I'll do it.
Thank you.
Ahh.
Yeah.
Teamwork.
This, just so this area's clear.
Okay.
We got it.
Okay, um Tori? Tori? Hey, mom.
What is all this? You said I could shoot a short film here for school.
Yeah.
I thought that meant you, a couple of friends, a camcorder, maybe a microphone.
Mom, Dale squires is helping us.
This is a big deal.
Hey, did you buy onion dip? No.
Why not? Okay.
Where's trina? Tori locked her in the bathroom.
Cat, you weren't supposed to tell her that.
I'm okay with it.
I'm just gonna go take a hot bath.
Please don't ruin the house.
We're not gonna ruin the house.
My bad.
Oh.
Uh Just try to yeah, we'll okay.
Hey, what time is it? I'm not your clock.
Almost 9:00.
I need to be home in bed by 10:30.
Can we please get started? Without a director? Yeah, where's Dale? He was supposed to be here at 7:00.
One time, when I was seven, I was at the beach and I made a sand castle, and I called it Cat's castle.
True story.
Hey, hey.
Who's ready to make a movie? I am.
So Tori.
You're gonna be my little assistant on this project? Yeah, sure.
In fact, I mean, I know you're the director and everything, but I had a cool idea about how we could set up the first shot.
Yeah, talk to me.
Okay.
So I was thinking we open on a close-up of oh, oh.
Hey, I gotta take this.
Yeah, hey, what's up? She did? But it's almost nine and we have school tomorrow You know, just go ahead and start shooting without me.
Yeah, but I don't know how to Just do your close-up thing, yeah.
The one you were telling me about.
So she's hot.
Okay.
Let's start the first shot.
Beck.
Yeah.
Let me have you on the couch.
Girl For the shot.
My bad.
You know, just yelling "my bad" doesn't make it okay.
So what do you think is wrong with it? Stuff.
I knew it.
Hey, Beck.
Whatcha doin'? Working on a car? Yeah, pretty much.
Yup.
We're just working on my car here.
Me and Beck.
Little car work.
Hey, Beck.
Is it okay if we watch? Sure.
You can watch us work on my car.
I'm Robbie.
Monica.
Monica.
Do not die on me.
Wake up.
I mean it.
Wake up.
Come on.
Cut.
What? You're not supposed to hit her.
I felt that's what my character would do.
My face hurts.
Can we try it again without the physical assault? You're not the director.
Our director's over there playing with his laptop.
Wt t here.
Come on.
Do you see this? Do you see it? Dale, please hang up.
Hey, I gotta jump.
Sorry, but you gotta take a look at my website.
Can you believe how many comments? People love me.
I know.
Now could you please help us shoot this last scene? What, for the movie? Yes.
All right.
Let's take a look.
All right.
For this scene I think we should what scene are we shooting? Scene 29, where Olivia finds Monica dead.
Oh.
Right.
Okay.
I want you two up on the couch for that.
You can't have them on the couch.
Why can't I? 'Cause at the end of scene 28, Monica collapses on the floor.
Well, we don't have to shoot it that way.
We already shot it, squires.
When? Last night, while you were in the jacuzzi.
Just show him the scene.
You already cut it together? Yeah.
Here.
No, Monica, don't.
Wow.
The movie looks really good.
Thanks.
That means so much.
So see? Monica has to be on the floor.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's shoot one.
Ready? Roll.
Can you please tell her not to slap me? She should do whatever feels right.
Lie down.
Action.
Monica.
Monica.
Do not die on me.
Wake up.
I mean it.
Wake up.
Come on.
Jade.
I'll go get some ice.
Monica.
You cannot die.
You're gonna ruin everything.
Monica.
It looks fantastic.
I know.
We did great.
I don't know what happened.
You're a killer.
I'm not.
I loved her.
You're a killer! I loved her! Yay! They love it.
Yeah, they do.
Ooh, shhh.
Here come our credits.
You said you put all our names at the end.
I did.
Dale must have taken them off.
Thank you.
He's taking all the credit? Thank you so much.
Oh sit.
He's taking all the credit.
I can't believe this.
Yes! My face still hurts.
Oh, yeah! Whoo! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
It was a labor of love, really.
Shouldn't we say something to him? Yes.
No.
Go, go, go, go, go.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Great film, Dale.
Hey.
Dale.
Hey, Tori.
Can you get me a bottle of water? No! You took all the credit for the movie we made.
So I can't get a drink? Why did you take our names off the movie? I directed it.
Really? You didn't even show up most of the time.
And when you did, you just talked on the phone, ate our snacks, and napped in our jacuzzi.
Oh come on.
You think Steven Spielberg really directed jaws? Yes! Look, I really gotta go.
Wait.
What? You know I directed that movie.
Beck wrote it and Andre did all the music and editing.
What did you do? I took the credit.
Well, that's mean.
You should at least share the credit with us.
Man, you really don't get Hollywood, do you? Oh, by the way, the after-party's been canceled, so tell your friends no after-party.
Hey.
Great movie, Dale.
See you at the after-party.
I'm there! Tori.
Vega.
What? Check out the homepage on splashface.
I've already seen the "lobster on a bicycle" video.
Look up top.
Our movie is the number one featured video.
Two million views in one day.
And Dale squires is takin' all the credit.
And he keeps deleting all my very creative negative comments.
Ulch.
Look at this.
He's using our movie to promote himself.
What'd he write? "Catch me Thursday night on the mack Murphy show.
" Hey, don't they tape mack Murphy down the street, off sunset? Yeah, I think.
Sooooo maybe we should go.
Ulch, gross.
Talk shows are for tourists and canadians.
And revenge-seekers.
Ahhh.
So what's the plan? I dunno.
You're smart, she's mean, come up with something.
Man, those jeans fit you great.
How's the tor? It's getting there.
Ooh, here comes girls! Hey, Beck.
Hi, Beck.
Hi, Beck.
Hey, girls.
Here to see us work on the motor? 'Cause it's gettin' there.
Beck, those jeans fit you great.
Uh-huh.
That's what I said! Um Whoa, workin' on this car's got me all filthy.
How am I gonna get this grease off me? Uh, no, I was thinking maybe you could get me a fresh towel Okay! Okay! Okay! That's enough.
That's enough.
All right.
That's enough water! I think he's still dirty.
What'd he say? Ahhh! Ahhh! Ahhh! How does a hose have that much pressure?! Oh! Okay, people.
Listen up, listen up.
We're about 10 minutes away from go-time on up late with mack Murphy, so lemme hear ya! Look at all the stupid tourists.
Hey.
Hey, Andre.
Hi.
This is my cousin, kendra.
Hey.
Pretty shirt.
'Sup.
She's a great actress.
I get paid up front.
Okay.
So when Dale squires sits down, you're gonna wait exactly two minutes, and then your gonna Andre told me what to do.
I don't have to hear it twice.
Yes, ma'am.
What do you eat? Salad? Sometimes.
Figures.
Totally awesome site.
I just don't see how a regular hose could have that much pressure.
Yep.
That's a mysterious hose.
So how long before we can get her running again? Three, four seconds.
Huh? Wow.
It sounds great.
Uh-huh.
You're not smiling.
I only smile when I'm happy.
Okay.
Talk to daddy.
It's just I was kinda having fun with this whole car-fixing thing 'cause of all the girls who came by to watch.
They sprayed you with a hose.
Well, I didn't like that part, but Dude.
Now, you got a car, a convertible, that works.
I'm not following your "cool guy logic.
" Girls like guys that have cars.
Right! Because I can drive them places, like, to a store! Uh-huh.
Now, you want me to go find you some cheerleaders who need a ride? Okay.
Will the cheerleaders be wearing their uniforms? That's what makes them cheerleaders.
What the? Over there! Hey, wait.
Wait, who are you guys? Wait ahhh! Oh.
Hey! You guys can't borrow my car! We're not borrowing it.
Uh, loser.
And you're gonna be working with Johnny depp on a big movie? Yeah, made the deal this morning.
Awesome.
I'm betting it didn't hurt that this new short film that you just did has already gotten, what, like, three million views this week? Uh-huh.
Have you guys seen Dale's short film? Jerk.
Yeah, about that film.
I, I gotta be honest.
So you're not going into politics? That was off-the-cuff.
It's just, I've been feeling kinda guilty.
About? Well, it wouldn't be fair for me to take credit for that movie.
See, most of the work was done by a really talented group of students from Hollywood arts High School here in L.
A.
, specifically I would like to give credit to Andre Harris, Jade West, Beck oliver Oh, he's giving us credit.
On national tv.
Robbie shapiro, sinjin van cleef, and most importantly, Tori Vega.
Your cousin! My cousin.
She's gonna oh man.
We have to stop her! Abort.
Abort.
Abort.
Abort.
No.
No.
No.
Stop.
Stop.
Here we go.
Hey there! Dale squires! Uh, apparently, you have a fan in the crowd.
Hey, Dale! How come you lied to me?! Uh, ma'am? I don't know you.
I don't know her.
You, you don't know me?! This man took me to a fish restaurant two weeks ago and told me he loved me, and I haven't heard from him since! No, no, no, no, no.
C'mon, all right, she's lying! Okay? You are a liar! Liar?! Oh no.
That's it! I'm about to open up a cloud and rain all over you! Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! Get off me! I don't know you! I wanna go back to that fish restaurant! Can you go to a commercial?! No way, man, this is awesome! You guys likin' this?! Yeah! Now you're upside down! How do you like that, Dale squires?! How do you like atat? She's so strong.
Dale gave us credit.
Even I feel bad.
We should do something.
Waffles? I like waffles.
Waffles are good.
I know a place.
Off we go.
What did I do?!