Xena: Warrior Princess s01e18 Episode Script
The Prodigal
Sorry I said sorry.
Everyone's a critic.
You know the Orpheus legend ? How he plays music so well, it moves mountains.
Now, I know it's only a myth, but there's often a kernel of truth in even the wildest story.
- So, what if I just tried - No no.
- It was just a thought.
- Here's another one.
I have a proposition for you, ladies.
Think about being skewered against the stone a la carte, or simply giving us what we want and I do mean 'everything'.
You're not only scum, you're dreamers.
And you, my dear, are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So what do you say Shall we be civilized about this ? Why start now ? Yes ! The cart ! Xena, look out ! Lie down ! Gabrielle, now ! - Come on.
- We need a bigger cart ! Nothing like a good ambush to liven things up, huh ? - Yeah.
- Hey, you all right ? Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good Considering I was almost road kill.
I'm I'm perfect.
Come on, we've been in tighter spots than that.
Yeah, yeah you are right.
Yeah.
Since hooking up with you, well, I've nearly been eaten by a Cyclops.
And, I was almost forced to marry Morpheus, and, practically squashed by a Titan.
Why did I just freeze up ? I don't know, you're burnt out.
It happens.
It didn't happen to you.
No, that's why I always try to remember : 'Act, don't react.
' Go with your gut.
We'll have to double back and take the coast.
It's longer, but it's safer, too.
- I don't think so.
- Sure it is.
No, I mean, I can't go with you.
Gabrielle, it was a dangerous situation.
You'd have been crazy not to be scared.
I froze, which put us both at risk.
- If you hadn't been there, then - But, I was.
Today, yes.
But what about tomorrow and the next day ? I can't expect you to always be there for me.
It was just one incident.
I can't endanger you.
Don't you see that ? I'm just a liability.
It's a risk I think I can take.
But I can't.
I can't help you with this.
You're gonna have to figure it out yourself.
I know.
- Where will you go ? - The only place I know Home.
Things are simpler there.
My sister, Lila's there I can talk to her about this.
What, you can't talk to me ? Of course I can.
I just Sometimes, you you need your family to help solve things.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
I have to find out what's going on with me and I have to do that at home.
But, you're coming back, right ? I guess that depends on what I learn.
In a time of ancient gods warlords and kings A land in turmoil cried out for a hero She was Xena a mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world Another 22 leagues to go ? How is it, Man can solve the riddle of the Sphinx, but he still can't make a decent road map ? I don't know.
Please ! Please ! You son of a Hey there, don't I know you ? Come on, Come on, yeah.
You're the chatty one.
Boy, you've changed since I saw you.
Oh, well, yes.
You know, it's a sad story, - which began with King Sisyphus.
- Sisyphus - I met him once a fat man.
- Well, actually, he's thin.
- Never married.
- His wife's name is Karras - and she's lovely.
- Dumber than a door post.
Are we talking about the same Sisyphus ? 'Fraid this is where our paths diverge You sure you're gonna be all right ? You know, it's still a day's walk to Potadeia.
Oh, I'll be fine.
I know a shorcut throught these woods that'll get me home in no time.
The woods ? You sure that's wise The shape you're in ? Oh, don't worry the exercise will do me good.
I don't know you modern young women.
Suit yourself.
Ciao.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Beg pardon.
Sir ! I'm sorry to intrude What happened ? Damon's what happened.
Him and his gang of thieves came for their tribute.
Only, this time, we held some of the food back You know, for our son.
Come winter, our little boy gets awful hungry.
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
We're well out of it.
You wanna pity someone, pity the folks of Potadeia.
Potadeia ? Wait, why, why Potadeia ? 'Cause that's where Damon said he was striking next.
Thank the gods.
Where is everyone ? Hurray ! Is that you ? I can't believe you're back.
I know, I'll explain later.
Listen, a man named Damon, and his gang, are on their way here.
To sack and burn the village ? Strip it of everything valuable ? Old news, Gabrielle.
Damon and his men have been hitting us for food and supplies every few months since you left.
They use us while his men attack other villages.
I don't suppose you've brought the woman wonder with you.
Who cares ? We don't need Xena to save us.
We've hired a warrior of our own : Meleager the Mighty that's who we're here to welcome.
Isn't he the guy who single-handedly killed 100 men - at the battle of Liguria ? - 200.
- 2 hundred and 50.
- 3 hundred and 17 But, then again, who's counting ? - Is he dead ? - Dead drunk ! On three, OK ? One, two, three ! Now, tell me again how we got stuck with him ? You're the only one who's worked with a warrior before.
A warrior Xena would never act like this.
It shows a total lack of respect not just for us, but for himself.
And one thing a fighter can't afford to lose is self-respect.
As a matter of fact Well, if Xena's so perfect, I'm surprised that you can stand to be around simple people like us You know, your family.
What And so, my friends and fellow citizens, without further delay, I give you Meleager the Mighty ! Meleager the Mighty ! Meleager the Mighty ! Greetings, good people of Potadeia.
Sorry about yesterday's, illness, but, I'm fit now and ready to do battle with someone.
Still, I'm gonna need a few things, first.
Where's my money ? Well, it's right here in the strongbox.
If you recall, the deal was you get half up front and the rest when you finish the job ? Ah, right, just checking.
All right, now, I'm gonna need an arsenal.
So I want you to go gather your spears, knives, bows, arrows anything that's sharp and heavy enough to become a weapon.
All right, run along now.
That's a very lovely hat, young woman.
You should have her bathed and brought to my tent.
Lila, look, we need to talk.
Talk ? We haven't talked for months.
Why start now ? I'm gonna go get our meat skewer.
It's not much of a weapon, - but at least I can rely on it.
- boiling oil What's that supposed to mean ? Sun-dried hard rodents are good to lift up off the road and Anyway How am I doing ? Lila, would you please tell me what's wrong ? I already told you Nothing's wrong.
Nothing ? Well, if that big freeze number of yours is nothing, I'd like to see your idea of something.
- Now that would be - My idea of something.
- Those men work for Damon.
- Let's get Meleager.
So, the Cyclops says to the unicorn Meleager, quick ! Damon's scouts are here.
Oh yeah ? Well, that's to bad, because, this is empty.
- You're drunk.
- Yes.
What'll we do ? Smart move stopping right where you are unless, of course, you want to take on Meleager the Mighty.
Meleager ? I heard he killed I heard 5 So, what's it gonna be, guys ? I can't hold this killing machine back forever.
Great job.
They're gone.
What're we gonna do when they come back with Damon ? That's that's a good question.
It's a cinch he won't be much use to us.
But he has to be ! He's all we've got ! Well, what about getting the other villagers to band with us against Damon ? Without a warrior, no one's got the nerve.
That's why he has to it.
Is it true ? Was it Meleager ? - Sure as we're standing here.
- They say he killed 500 men at Liguria.
I heard it was six-twenty-five.
But that's not the number that interests me.
No, the figure I'm thinking of is 50,000 As in the 50,000 dinars that are being offered for the capture of Meleager.
Who wants him that bad ? A warlord named Cassius.
Turns out his sons were at Liguria.
Get some water Cold water.
I'm awake ! I'm awake.
I'm well aware of my surroundings.
Where am I ? Poder, Pewter, Podoohickey ? - Potadeia.
- Potadeia.
Do you realize that there are people out there counting on you ? And this is what you show them.
What do you know a farm girl like you ? How could you begin to understand the kind of work I do or how I live my life ? - You might be surprised.
- I doubt it.
Blood, killing, the gore.
It would turn your stomach to hear about it.
Never mind having to live day after day never knowing when the next attack will come.
About the sieges ? Who's your enemy ? Who's your friend ? What you're going to have to deal with ? How ? And when you might freeze ? You lost your nerve.
That's why you drink.
Can you think of a better reason ? No.
But I can think of a reason not to.
We hired you to get rid of Damon.
Yeah, well you guys are going to have to buy some decent weapons.
I'd say a rack of thoses Spartan javelins would do quite well.
The kind that can shoot through fifteen sheets of siege wood ? They make that awful whistling sound Scares 'em every time That's what you're gonna hafta buy, yeah.
And with what ? The village couldn't afford both you and weapons.
They chose you.
What good are special javelins if no one here can throw them ? The truth is You're all we've got And you're a worthless drunk.
OK, no more wine until tonight.
No more wine till it's done.
Well, let's not be too hasty What will I drink ? My guess is they'll come this way the most direct route.
Right.
If we don't stop 'em here, it's the village or nothing.
What do you mean ? What do you thing of stringing a garotte along here ? - What's that ? - Good idea - We're gonna need some coverage trees.
- Coverage trees ? Right You go left, we'll go right The first one who finds coverage shouts out.
Got it ? - I still don't know what we're doing.
- We're looking for coverage trees Then we'll anchor a garotte for the ambush.
- Now, what part didn't you get ? - All of it.
Never mind.
Xena taught me what to look for.
Tell me, Gab, is there anything Xena doesn't know, or should we build her a temple right now ? - Lila, are you jealous of Xena ? - Jealous ? No, just because you chose her over me.
- I didn't choose her over you.
- Sure you did.
But I don't blame you.
Next to Xena, I must seem pretty dull.
I don't even know what a coverage tree is.
Lila, we talked about this before I left.
Now, I thought that you were happy I was getting out to see the world.
I was happy, until I realized getting out meant leaving me.
How come it took you so long to come home ? You hardly ever sent word It was like you forgot I existed.
I never forgot you ever.
Look, Lila, Xena's my friend, yes, but you're my sister.
Nobody could ever replace you In fact, you're the reason I came home for good.
Mealeager must have found something.
Now, look, you see, we have to have Where'd he go ? Wherever it is, it's a sure bet he didn't go willingly.
One guy came in.
He moved here.
Meleager took him down.
Two of them hit him from behind, and Fresh drag marks The kind a litter makes.
And they're deep, which means that they were carrying something heavy.
Meleager.
Do you think somebody killed him and No, if they'd killed him, they would have left the body minus the head, of course, as proof.
- I'm going after him.
- Me too.
No.
Look, the important thing is to safeguard the village, right ? The people would panic if they knew Meleager was missing.
You have to stay and make sure they don't find out.
Will you do that ? - You want me to join you ? - Why not ? You could be worth a lot more to me than the 50,000 dinars Cassius is offering.
But if I have to, I'll take the 20 for your head.
Your reputation alone's enough to make whole towns surrender to us without lifting a sword.
So, what do you say ? Remove these chains You'll get my answer.
You make me sad.
- Take him away.
- Come on.
We caught her near the horses.
Who are you ? What do you want ? Well, those are two very good questions, and not to be answered lightly.
After all, do any of us really know who we are ? And as for what we want, well, I think it was Sophocles who once said - Kill her.
- Oh, no.
You know Wait ! You still want me to join you ? A little incentive might help.
You know what I mean ? Why not ? I'll even throw in my tent for some privacy.
All the better to persuade you.
Hey, hey, hey Listen, guys.
I really think we can work this out.
Just listen to me What, in the name of Zeus, are you doing ? - What does it look like ? I'm rescuing you.
- That's not what it looks like.
Maybe not But it will, now that I'm on the inside.
- You have a plan ? - Any minute now.
Oh, Meleager The gods preserve me.
Oh, the gods ! Oh, yes ! No wonder they call you the Mighty ! Once we're out of here That ought to slow Damon down, huh ? - Yeah, we got a lot to do.
- Let's get to it.
Good.
Good.
Nice job.
We need to concentrate on which part of the village they're gonna be coming in from I've got it.
Everyone's clear about when to stay on watch ? There's only one thing left to do and that's to thank the man whose courage and skill we can rely on to protect us a man whose very name strikes fear into the hearts of his foes.
Fellow citizens, I give you Meleager the Mighty ! Go on.
Look, the town needs a warrior.
The town has a warrior.
This time tomorrow, you'll be taking the rest of the money from this strongbox and leaving, never to think of us again.
But, for the rest of our lives, we'll always be grateful for your strength and fearless bravery.
Three cheers for Meleager the Mighty ! Gabrielle.
I fell asleep on watch.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I was keeping an eye out.
Besides, you deserved it.
I watched you yesterday.
You know what I saw ? I saw a competent, caring woman.
You weren't the little girl you were when I left here.
It just hit me.
You are You've grown up.
Sometimes I just think I'm growing old.
But you Planning all those traps, getting set, Figuring out those strategies Xena really taught you a lot, huh ? Yes, she did She taught me when to fight, when to talk.
She taught me how to know the difference between a friend and an enemy.
And, she taught me what it means to have a best friend.
Then, why'd you come back ? Because some things can't be taught.
Some things, you either have or you don't.
Like the connection you can only feel with your sister.
Xena can't teach me that I already have it All right, enough of this mushy stuff.
No We need to be on watch.
I can only imagine what Xena would say if she saw us.
There they are ! - No, but, I mean, after she said that.
- No, there they are Damon and his gang ! OK, you find Pharis.
Tell him to sound the alarm.
- I'll get Meleager.
Go.
- All right.
Mealeager, quick, they're here ! - I ran into Pharis.
- Where's Meleager ? - He's not with you ? - No And look The money's gone.
So is Meleager.
We should have given up in the first place ! If we give them the food, maybe they won't Pharis, let's not panic.
Now, Meleager was important to us, yes, Important ? We're farmers, not fighters.
We counted on him.
He stole our money and left us to die.
I can't explain why he left.
But, this is our chance to start counting on ourselves.
Now, we have these traps.
Meleager's the key to our whole defense.
- Without a warrior, we're dead.
- But, we have a warrior.
- Gabrielle can lead us.
- Me ? Who better than a student of Xena's ? Everybody, please stop ! Listen to me ! I'm no hero, believe me.
But, the way I see it, we have two choices : We either take a stand and possibly die.
Or, we surrender, and die for sure.
It's time to stop talking and start fighting ! Isn't that right, Gabrielle ? Isn't that what Xena taught you ? Right.
Damon and his men won't be satisfied till they've picked this place clean.
Now, if you want a future, we have to stop them now.
Run along, Gabrielle.
This is a decision for the whole village, not an outsider.
Hold it ! In case you hadn't noticed, this is Gabrielle my sister ! This is her village ! And if you people were smart, you'd realize that Xena has taught her more about the warrior arts than you'll ever know about anything ! Damon's men have cleared the woods.
They're heading straight for us ! Come on, we've gone this far.
Let's give these sons of griffens a welcome they'll never forget.
- Now, what do you say ? - Yeah ! You want food ? Here ! Take it ! Yes ! Yes ! Yoo-hoo ! Boys ! Give me some of that ! Now.
Hey, mead breath ! Woo-hoo ! Get them ! Yes ! We did it ! Have we done it ? Have we beaten them ? No, they've gone to regroup.
Listen ! We surprised them once, but they won't fall for it twice.
Regroup ? This is madness, we can't possibly win.
I'm going to Damon to offer our surrender - before we're slaughtered.
- No, you can't ! - Listen ! There's gotta be - You fools ! You let women, children, and old men kick your behinds ! Now, take this village or die by my blade ! Front line form ! And move ! Hey ! Hydra-heads ! Am I glad to see you.
Pharis thought you took the money and ditched us.
I needed the cash to buy the javelins.
- Gabrielle knew you'd be back.
- That's why I'm here.
All right, ladies, get out of here Let me do my job move ! - I did it.
- Guess again.
Move or I'll slaughter her like a sacrificial lamb ! I swear it.
All right, let's go.
- Oh, my foot ! It's asleep ! - Well, wake it up fast ! Maybe this'll help.
You're real tough with the girls.
Why don't you try someone your own size ? Hey ! Look, I'm sorry, OK ? Can't blame a man for trying.
Act ! Don't react ! Oh, sure, there were a few tense moments, but I never had a doubt that we could do it.
A dinar for your thoughts ? Don't waste your money.
Then I'll tell you.
You love this village.
Love your family, your friends.
But you have to leave, and you don't know how to tell us.
It's not just that.
Oh, Lila, I wanna be a part of your life.
A day didn't go by that I didn't think of you, and, I missed you terribly.
You're dreams are elsewhere.
Gabrielle, you are destined for great things.
Your heart belongs on the road not here in this little village.
If you stay here, your life will never be complete.
Live life, Gabrielle.
Don't let it pass you by.
I thought I was the only oracle in the family.
It doesn't take an oracle to realize that you belong out there in the world with Xena, helping to change people's lives for the better like you did here.
You knew all along, didn't you ? Yep.
You're my sister, and I love you more than anything.
Don't forget to visit us, OK ? You can count on it.
Well, well, well, we meet again.
I guess you would call this a little rock and roll.
You're not so brave without your well-muscled friend, are you ? Last time we did this, you and your friend chose to fight, rather than submit.
Care to rethink your decision ? Not again ! When did you get here ? In time to see you vault that cart Gutsy move.
That was gutsy, huh ? I didn't freeze.
No, you didn't.
Did you find the answers you were looking for ? Yeah, yeah, I did.
You know, it's kind of funny, don't you think, that we should just run into each other, I mean, here ? Not really I was on my way to Potadeia just to see how things were going.
Really ? So you like that move, huh ? - Yeah, it was all right.
- All right ? Well, I could teach it to ya.
Meleager the Mighty, the generally Tipsy and Carousing Warrior-For-Hire was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
Everyone's a critic.
You know the Orpheus legend ? How he plays music so well, it moves mountains.
Now, I know it's only a myth, but there's often a kernel of truth in even the wildest story.
- So, what if I just tried - No no.
- It was just a thought.
- Here's another one.
I have a proposition for you, ladies.
Think about being skewered against the stone a la carte, or simply giving us what we want and I do mean 'everything'.
You're not only scum, you're dreamers.
And you, my dear, are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
So what do you say Shall we be civilized about this ? Why start now ? Yes ! The cart ! Xena, look out ! Lie down ! Gabrielle, now ! - Come on.
- We need a bigger cart ! Nothing like a good ambush to liven things up, huh ? - Yeah.
- Hey, you all right ? Yeah, yeah, I'm good, I'm good Considering I was almost road kill.
I'm I'm perfect.
Come on, we've been in tighter spots than that.
Yeah, yeah you are right.
Yeah.
Since hooking up with you, well, I've nearly been eaten by a Cyclops.
And, I was almost forced to marry Morpheus, and, practically squashed by a Titan.
Why did I just freeze up ? I don't know, you're burnt out.
It happens.
It didn't happen to you.
No, that's why I always try to remember : 'Act, don't react.
' Go with your gut.
We'll have to double back and take the coast.
It's longer, but it's safer, too.
- I don't think so.
- Sure it is.
No, I mean, I can't go with you.
Gabrielle, it was a dangerous situation.
You'd have been crazy not to be scared.
I froze, which put us both at risk.
- If you hadn't been there, then - But, I was.
Today, yes.
But what about tomorrow and the next day ? I can't expect you to always be there for me.
It was just one incident.
I can't endanger you.
Don't you see that ? I'm just a liability.
It's a risk I think I can take.
But I can't.
I can't help you with this.
You're gonna have to figure it out yourself.
I know.
- Where will you go ? - The only place I know Home.
Things are simpler there.
My sister, Lila's there I can talk to her about this.
What, you can't talk to me ? Of course I can.
I just Sometimes, you you need your family to help solve things.
- I'm sorry.
- No.
I have to find out what's going on with me and I have to do that at home.
But, you're coming back, right ? I guess that depends on what I learn.
In a time of ancient gods warlords and kings A land in turmoil cried out for a hero She was Xena a mighty princess, forged in the heat of battle The power The passion The danger Her courage will change the world Another 22 leagues to go ? How is it, Man can solve the riddle of the Sphinx, but he still can't make a decent road map ? I don't know.
Please ! Please ! You son of a Hey there, don't I know you ? Come on, Come on, yeah.
You're the chatty one.
Boy, you've changed since I saw you.
Oh, well, yes.
You know, it's a sad story, - which began with King Sisyphus.
- Sisyphus - I met him once a fat man.
- Well, actually, he's thin.
- Never married.
- His wife's name is Karras - and she's lovely.
- Dumber than a door post.
Are we talking about the same Sisyphus ? 'Fraid this is where our paths diverge You sure you're gonna be all right ? You know, it's still a day's walk to Potadeia.
Oh, I'll be fine.
I know a shorcut throught these woods that'll get me home in no time.
The woods ? You sure that's wise The shape you're in ? Oh, don't worry the exercise will do me good.
I don't know you modern young women.
Suit yourself.
Ciao.
Come on.
Excuse me.
Beg pardon.
Sir ! I'm sorry to intrude What happened ? Damon's what happened.
Him and his gang of thieves came for their tribute.
Only, this time, we held some of the food back You know, for our son.
Come winter, our little boy gets awful hungry.
- I'm so sorry.
- Don't be.
We're well out of it.
You wanna pity someone, pity the folks of Potadeia.
Potadeia ? Wait, why, why Potadeia ? 'Cause that's where Damon said he was striking next.
Thank the gods.
Where is everyone ? Hurray ! Is that you ? I can't believe you're back.
I know, I'll explain later.
Listen, a man named Damon, and his gang, are on their way here.
To sack and burn the village ? Strip it of everything valuable ? Old news, Gabrielle.
Damon and his men have been hitting us for food and supplies every few months since you left.
They use us while his men attack other villages.
I don't suppose you've brought the woman wonder with you.
Who cares ? We don't need Xena to save us.
We've hired a warrior of our own : Meleager the Mighty that's who we're here to welcome.
Isn't he the guy who single-handedly killed 100 men - at the battle of Liguria ? - 200.
- 2 hundred and 50.
- 3 hundred and 17 But, then again, who's counting ? - Is he dead ? - Dead drunk ! On three, OK ? One, two, three ! Now, tell me again how we got stuck with him ? You're the only one who's worked with a warrior before.
A warrior Xena would never act like this.
It shows a total lack of respect not just for us, but for himself.
And one thing a fighter can't afford to lose is self-respect.
As a matter of fact Well, if Xena's so perfect, I'm surprised that you can stand to be around simple people like us You know, your family.
What And so, my friends and fellow citizens, without further delay, I give you Meleager the Mighty ! Meleager the Mighty ! Meleager the Mighty ! Greetings, good people of Potadeia.
Sorry about yesterday's, illness, but, I'm fit now and ready to do battle with someone.
Still, I'm gonna need a few things, first.
Where's my money ? Well, it's right here in the strongbox.
If you recall, the deal was you get half up front and the rest when you finish the job ? Ah, right, just checking.
All right, now, I'm gonna need an arsenal.
So I want you to go gather your spears, knives, bows, arrows anything that's sharp and heavy enough to become a weapon.
All right, run along now.
That's a very lovely hat, young woman.
You should have her bathed and brought to my tent.
Lila, look, we need to talk.
Talk ? We haven't talked for months.
Why start now ? I'm gonna go get our meat skewer.
It's not much of a weapon, - but at least I can rely on it.
- boiling oil What's that supposed to mean ? Sun-dried hard rodents are good to lift up off the road and Anyway How am I doing ? Lila, would you please tell me what's wrong ? I already told you Nothing's wrong.
Nothing ? Well, if that big freeze number of yours is nothing, I'd like to see your idea of something.
- Now that would be - My idea of something.
- Those men work for Damon.
- Let's get Meleager.
So, the Cyclops says to the unicorn Meleager, quick ! Damon's scouts are here.
Oh yeah ? Well, that's to bad, because, this is empty.
- You're drunk.
- Yes.
What'll we do ? Smart move stopping right where you are unless, of course, you want to take on Meleager the Mighty.
Meleager ? I heard he killed I heard 5 So, what's it gonna be, guys ? I can't hold this killing machine back forever.
Great job.
They're gone.
What're we gonna do when they come back with Damon ? That's that's a good question.
It's a cinch he won't be much use to us.
But he has to be ! He's all we've got ! Well, what about getting the other villagers to band with us against Damon ? Without a warrior, no one's got the nerve.
That's why he has to it.
Is it true ? Was it Meleager ? - Sure as we're standing here.
- They say he killed 500 men at Liguria.
I heard it was six-twenty-five.
But that's not the number that interests me.
No, the figure I'm thinking of is 50,000 As in the 50,000 dinars that are being offered for the capture of Meleager.
Who wants him that bad ? A warlord named Cassius.
Turns out his sons were at Liguria.
Get some water Cold water.
I'm awake ! I'm awake.
I'm well aware of my surroundings.
Where am I ? Poder, Pewter, Podoohickey ? - Potadeia.
- Potadeia.
Do you realize that there are people out there counting on you ? And this is what you show them.
What do you know a farm girl like you ? How could you begin to understand the kind of work I do or how I live my life ? - You might be surprised.
- I doubt it.
Blood, killing, the gore.
It would turn your stomach to hear about it.
Never mind having to live day after day never knowing when the next attack will come.
About the sieges ? Who's your enemy ? Who's your friend ? What you're going to have to deal with ? How ? And when you might freeze ? You lost your nerve.
That's why you drink.
Can you think of a better reason ? No.
But I can think of a reason not to.
We hired you to get rid of Damon.
Yeah, well you guys are going to have to buy some decent weapons.
I'd say a rack of thoses Spartan javelins would do quite well.
The kind that can shoot through fifteen sheets of siege wood ? They make that awful whistling sound Scares 'em every time That's what you're gonna hafta buy, yeah.
And with what ? The village couldn't afford both you and weapons.
They chose you.
What good are special javelins if no one here can throw them ? The truth is You're all we've got And you're a worthless drunk.
OK, no more wine until tonight.
No more wine till it's done.
Well, let's not be too hasty What will I drink ? My guess is they'll come this way the most direct route.
Right.
If we don't stop 'em here, it's the village or nothing.
What do you mean ? What do you thing of stringing a garotte along here ? - What's that ? - Good idea - We're gonna need some coverage trees.
- Coverage trees ? Right You go left, we'll go right The first one who finds coverage shouts out.
Got it ? - I still don't know what we're doing.
- We're looking for coverage trees Then we'll anchor a garotte for the ambush.
- Now, what part didn't you get ? - All of it.
Never mind.
Xena taught me what to look for.
Tell me, Gab, is there anything Xena doesn't know, or should we build her a temple right now ? - Lila, are you jealous of Xena ? - Jealous ? No, just because you chose her over me.
- I didn't choose her over you.
- Sure you did.
But I don't blame you.
Next to Xena, I must seem pretty dull.
I don't even know what a coverage tree is.
Lila, we talked about this before I left.
Now, I thought that you were happy I was getting out to see the world.
I was happy, until I realized getting out meant leaving me.
How come it took you so long to come home ? You hardly ever sent word It was like you forgot I existed.
I never forgot you ever.
Look, Lila, Xena's my friend, yes, but you're my sister.
Nobody could ever replace you In fact, you're the reason I came home for good.
Mealeager must have found something.
Now, look, you see, we have to have Where'd he go ? Wherever it is, it's a sure bet he didn't go willingly.
One guy came in.
He moved here.
Meleager took him down.
Two of them hit him from behind, and Fresh drag marks The kind a litter makes.
And they're deep, which means that they were carrying something heavy.
Meleager.
Do you think somebody killed him and No, if they'd killed him, they would have left the body minus the head, of course, as proof.
- I'm going after him.
- Me too.
No.
Look, the important thing is to safeguard the village, right ? The people would panic if they knew Meleager was missing.
You have to stay and make sure they don't find out.
Will you do that ? - You want me to join you ? - Why not ? You could be worth a lot more to me than the 50,000 dinars Cassius is offering.
But if I have to, I'll take the 20 for your head.
Your reputation alone's enough to make whole towns surrender to us without lifting a sword.
So, what do you say ? Remove these chains You'll get my answer.
You make me sad.
- Take him away.
- Come on.
We caught her near the horses.
Who are you ? What do you want ? Well, those are two very good questions, and not to be answered lightly.
After all, do any of us really know who we are ? And as for what we want, well, I think it was Sophocles who once said - Kill her.
- Oh, no.
You know Wait ! You still want me to join you ? A little incentive might help.
You know what I mean ? Why not ? I'll even throw in my tent for some privacy.
All the better to persuade you.
Hey, hey, hey Listen, guys.
I really think we can work this out.
Just listen to me What, in the name of Zeus, are you doing ? - What does it look like ? I'm rescuing you.
- That's not what it looks like.
Maybe not But it will, now that I'm on the inside.
- You have a plan ? - Any minute now.
Oh, Meleager The gods preserve me.
Oh, the gods ! Oh, yes ! No wonder they call you the Mighty ! Once we're out of here That ought to slow Damon down, huh ? - Yeah, we got a lot to do.
- Let's get to it.
Good.
Good.
Nice job.
We need to concentrate on which part of the village they're gonna be coming in from I've got it.
Everyone's clear about when to stay on watch ? There's only one thing left to do and that's to thank the man whose courage and skill we can rely on to protect us a man whose very name strikes fear into the hearts of his foes.
Fellow citizens, I give you Meleager the Mighty ! Go on.
Look, the town needs a warrior.
The town has a warrior.
This time tomorrow, you'll be taking the rest of the money from this strongbox and leaving, never to think of us again.
But, for the rest of our lives, we'll always be grateful for your strength and fearless bravery.
Three cheers for Meleager the Mighty ! Gabrielle.
I fell asleep on watch.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
It's all right.
It's all right.
I was keeping an eye out.
Besides, you deserved it.
I watched you yesterday.
You know what I saw ? I saw a competent, caring woman.
You weren't the little girl you were when I left here.
It just hit me.
You are You've grown up.
Sometimes I just think I'm growing old.
But you Planning all those traps, getting set, Figuring out those strategies Xena really taught you a lot, huh ? Yes, she did She taught me when to fight, when to talk.
She taught me how to know the difference between a friend and an enemy.
And, she taught me what it means to have a best friend.
Then, why'd you come back ? Because some things can't be taught.
Some things, you either have or you don't.
Like the connection you can only feel with your sister.
Xena can't teach me that I already have it All right, enough of this mushy stuff.
No We need to be on watch.
I can only imagine what Xena would say if she saw us.
There they are ! - No, but, I mean, after she said that.
- No, there they are Damon and his gang ! OK, you find Pharis.
Tell him to sound the alarm.
- I'll get Meleager.
Go.
- All right.
Mealeager, quick, they're here ! - I ran into Pharis.
- Where's Meleager ? - He's not with you ? - No And look The money's gone.
So is Meleager.
We should have given up in the first place ! If we give them the food, maybe they won't Pharis, let's not panic.
Now, Meleager was important to us, yes, Important ? We're farmers, not fighters.
We counted on him.
He stole our money and left us to die.
I can't explain why he left.
But, this is our chance to start counting on ourselves.
Now, we have these traps.
Meleager's the key to our whole defense.
- Without a warrior, we're dead.
- But, we have a warrior.
- Gabrielle can lead us.
- Me ? Who better than a student of Xena's ? Everybody, please stop ! Listen to me ! I'm no hero, believe me.
But, the way I see it, we have two choices : We either take a stand and possibly die.
Or, we surrender, and die for sure.
It's time to stop talking and start fighting ! Isn't that right, Gabrielle ? Isn't that what Xena taught you ? Right.
Damon and his men won't be satisfied till they've picked this place clean.
Now, if you want a future, we have to stop them now.
Run along, Gabrielle.
This is a decision for the whole village, not an outsider.
Hold it ! In case you hadn't noticed, this is Gabrielle my sister ! This is her village ! And if you people were smart, you'd realize that Xena has taught her more about the warrior arts than you'll ever know about anything ! Damon's men have cleared the woods.
They're heading straight for us ! Come on, we've gone this far.
Let's give these sons of griffens a welcome they'll never forget.
- Now, what do you say ? - Yeah ! You want food ? Here ! Take it ! Yes ! Yes ! Yoo-hoo ! Boys ! Give me some of that ! Now.
Hey, mead breath ! Woo-hoo ! Get them ! Yes ! We did it ! Have we done it ? Have we beaten them ? No, they've gone to regroup.
Listen ! We surprised them once, but they won't fall for it twice.
Regroup ? This is madness, we can't possibly win.
I'm going to Damon to offer our surrender - before we're slaughtered.
- No, you can't ! - Listen ! There's gotta be - You fools ! You let women, children, and old men kick your behinds ! Now, take this village or die by my blade ! Front line form ! And move ! Hey ! Hydra-heads ! Am I glad to see you.
Pharis thought you took the money and ditched us.
I needed the cash to buy the javelins.
- Gabrielle knew you'd be back.
- That's why I'm here.
All right, ladies, get out of here Let me do my job move ! - I did it.
- Guess again.
Move or I'll slaughter her like a sacrificial lamb ! I swear it.
All right, let's go.
- Oh, my foot ! It's asleep ! - Well, wake it up fast ! Maybe this'll help.
You're real tough with the girls.
Why don't you try someone your own size ? Hey ! Look, I'm sorry, OK ? Can't blame a man for trying.
Act ! Don't react ! Oh, sure, there were a few tense moments, but I never had a doubt that we could do it.
A dinar for your thoughts ? Don't waste your money.
Then I'll tell you.
You love this village.
Love your family, your friends.
But you have to leave, and you don't know how to tell us.
It's not just that.
Oh, Lila, I wanna be a part of your life.
A day didn't go by that I didn't think of you, and, I missed you terribly.
You're dreams are elsewhere.
Gabrielle, you are destined for great things.
Your heart belongs on the road not here in this little village.
If you stay here, your life will never be complete.
Live life, Gabrielle.
Don't let it pass you by.
I thought I was the only oracle in the family.
It doesn't take an oracle to realize that you belong out there in the world with Xena, helping to change people's lives for the better like you did here.
You knew all along, didn't you ? Yep.
You're my sister, and I love you more than anything.
Don't forget to visit us, OK ? You can count on it.
Well, well, well, we meet again.
I guess you would call this a little rock and roll.
You're not so brave without your well-muscled friend, are you ? Last time we did this, you and your friend chose to fight, rather than submit.
Care to rethink your decision ? Not again ! When did you get here ? In time to see you vault that cart Gutsy move.
That was gutsy, huh ? I didn't freeze.
No, you didn't.
Did you find the answers you were looking for ? Yeah, yeah, I did.
You know, it's kind of funny, don't you think, that we should just run into each other, I mean, here ? Not really I was on my way to Potadeia just to see how things were going.
Really ? So you like that move, huh ? - Yeah, it was all right.
- All right ? Well, I could teach it to ya.
Meleager the Mighty, the generally Tipsy and Carousing Warrior-For-Hire was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.