A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e19 Episode Script
SANTas Little Helpers
Oh, I love Christmas.
Cutting down the tree, taking Dad to the emergency room, hanging up the lights, taking Dad to the emergency room.
Singing Christmas carols.
Taking Dad to the emergency room.
It's amazing how much his "fa la la la la" sounds like the mating call of a raccoon.
Hey, rabies is no laughing matter.
We're gonna mail these Christmas cards to your nurses and doctors.
Try not to get hurt while we're away, honey.
Don't worry.
I'm just going to hang these stockings.
With this nail gun! Chyna, don't let your father play with this.
Okay.
Hey, wait! You're standing under the mistletoe.
Give me a kiss.
Darryl Come on, I dislocated my shoulder putting that up.
Good day.
All right.
Get out! If you're looking for the tip of'rour thumb, Mom put it in the freezer.
Actually, I'm looking for the present your mom got me so I know what to get her.
If I spend less than her, I look cheap.
If I spend more than her, I make her look bad.
To be fair, that rhinestone pantsuit you bought her last year really did make her look bad.
The point is, if I knew what she got me, I could get her something that costs exactly the same.
What did she buy me? Nothing.
Perfect.
I'm done shopping.
I meant nothing yet.
She's doing her shopping over the weekend.
That's it.
I'll secretly spy on her at the mall to see what she gets me.
But now it's time to hang this wreath.
Hey, Rose.
Yeah, it's me again.
In about five minutes, we're gonna need an ambulance.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Oh, I love the holiday season.
I don't know.
To me, Christmas has become so un-commercialized.
No one focuses on what this season is truly about.
Economics.
What? Seventy-eight percent earned during the Christmas, and to a lesser degree, Chanukah season.
Joy and good cheer won't put us on the road to financial recovery.
Attention minions! Your natural talents to make toys for me.
Aren't you a little old for toys? Or, really, anything and orthopedic shoes? I may be old but I'm going to outlive you! And the toys are not for me.
They're for a group the local orphanage.
Aw, that's a great idea, Principal Skidmore.
It will really make their Christmas special.
Yeah.
Who wants store-bought toy made, when you can get by an 11-year-old with Popsicle sticks and glue? Merry Christmas! Okay, we need to come up with a toy to make.
What do little kids like to play with? Fire.
Sharp objects.
Abandoned wells.
How about yo-yos? Yo-yos? They're incredibly dangerous! I made the perfect thing.
It looks like a high school textbook, but it's hollowed out so the teacher can't tell that inside you're concealing a college textbook.
Toys are supposed to be fun.
Like these action figures of dead artists.
Look! Here's a Salvador Dali dolly.
Ew! Why is it wet? I don't know.
It's not like I just slapped a mustache on a Tinkle Time Tina doll.
True, children love dead artists and pee, but maybe we can come up with a few other ideas.
Okay, let's think outside the box.
No, that's what we've been doing.
Maybe we should think inside the box.
Hey! It worked! I've got the perfect idea! Check this out.
All around the Christmas tree From Boston to Atlanta Saint Nick comes down the chimney Pop goes the Santa! I have an idea! We can make jack-in-the-boxes! Nice! That was my idea.
I was just demonstrating it.
Come on, Chyna, it's not about taking credit.
It's about helping the orphans with my really good idea.
Hi, Lexi.
You got a Christmas job? I'm so impressed with your work ethic.
Thanks! I'm saving up to get my own butler.
Anyway, I want you to wrap this special gift I bought.
It's a sweater for my sister.
Do you hate your sister? Yes! She thinks she's so pretty.
We'll see how pretty she looks in this sweater.
Darryl, what are you doing? I'm not Darryl, I'm a snowman! Sorry I'm late.
What are you wearing? You said we were hired to be rappers, so I came dressed as one.
Yo, can I get a beat? Just kidding, I brought my own! Congratulations! We have made 100 jack-in-the-boxes! Congratulations! We have made 99 jack-in-the-boxes! Who's in charge of quality control? He is.
Hey, guys, check out this early Christmas gift I got from my aunt.
It's a jack-in-the-box! Whoa! It's our jack-in-the-box.
Where did your aunt get this? A website.
"Skidmore's Hand-Crafted Toys.
" Hey, that's our principal's name! Skidmore's selling the boxes we made for profit, and the orphans get nothing! Wow, I resent being forced to work in sweatshop-like conditions under false pretenses! But I must say, I do admire her entrepreneurial spirit.
Very Christmas-y.
Principal Skidmore, we know what you've been up to.
You know we've been serving porcupine milk at the cafeteria? Uh, not that.
You know we've been serving porcupine meat in the cafeteria? No! You know that we've been Why don't you just tell me what you know.
We know that you've been selling our jack-in-the-boxes for profit.
You said you were helping the needy.
I am.
I'm needy.
I need money! I can't believe you'd do something like this.
Especially at Christmas.
I am disgusted.
How do you sleep at night? I don't.
I sleep during the day.
At night, I go prowling for silver foxes at the discotheques.
I'm now more disgusted.
Uh, excuse me, I'm here about the Santa Claus job.
I'm looking for the mall manager.
Ho, ho, ho! That would be me.
The name's Nick.
Uh, Darryl Parks.
Darryl, good to meet you.
I've been looking high and low for someone who could pass as Santa.
I think you might fit the bill.
Okay.
So, I would get to sit up on that chair and spy on everybody? I mean, to see who's naughty or nice.
I'd like to hire you, but you have to provide your own elf.
My own elf? Yes, and good luck.
I've been trying to find one for months.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a meeting with my assistant manager.
Don't worry.
I know where to find an elf.
Dad, you promised I'd never have to dress like an elf again after that time you made me live in the tree house and bake cookies.
I know, but I need your help for a top secret police investigation.
So secret, you can't tell anyone.
Not even Mom? Especially not Mom.
Last time I told her a secret, she blabbed it to everyone.
You wear pink underpants.
I can't believe Skidmore.
Christmas is supposed to be about love, and joy, and kindness to your fellow man.
Let's pound her into a fine, powdery paste! We need to teach Skidmore a lesson! And not something she'd enjoy, like trigonometry! We should teach her a lesson.
And I think I know just how to do it.
As your gift for Christmas this year I hope you get the measles You have a heart that's made of stone Take this, you weasel! I've got it! We rig the next batch of jack-in-the-boxes with booby traps to go off in Skidmore's face.
Fletcher, you are on fire! "Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
"Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
" This story's a little repetitive.
"Printed in the Philippines.
" Wow, what a twist ending.
Excuse me, ladies? Have either of you seen anything out of the ordinary? Besides you in tights? Hi, Mrs.
Parks.
I wrapped that ugly sweater for you.
Your sister will be so surprised.
Cameron? What are you doing? I'm not Cameron, I'm an elf! So, in exactly two hours, our jack-in-the-boxes are set to go off in Skidmore's face! Fletcher, I'm still in awe of your genius.
What? Kids, I thought about what you said to me, and last night I had an awful dream where I was visited by the ghost of my Christmases past, present, and future.
In one night? I would think your past alone would take a good month.
And given your age, I'm surprised you even had a future.
Shut it! The point is I've decided to be nice! To make amends, I have donated the entire last batch of toys to the orphanage.
What? I just dropped them off.
And I've got to say, it felt good.
This is terrible.
We've got to find a way to sneak in and get those jack-in-the-boxes back before they go off in the orphanage! I've got it! You can get on my shoulders, and Chyna can get on your shoulders, and we can put on a trench coat, and pretend to be the orphanage inspector.
That's ridiculous.
We'll never find a trench coat that long.
But there might be another way for us to sneak in.
You know the front door was unlocked, right? Yeah, we know.
What's fun about a door? Let's go get those jack-in-the-boxes.
Which ones are they? All these boxes are the same size.
Maybe we could tell by shaking them.
Okay, that's not one of them.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you, man.
Video games, a new bike, world peace, blah blah blah.
Where do you think you're going? Santa's just going to the bathroom to deliver a lump of coal.
Well, ho-ho-hold it in! Cameron! Psst! I have reason to believe your mother may be the mastermind behind this whole crime spree.
I knew it! She's been acting very suspicious lately.
The other day I saw her wiping the refrigerator door.
I asked what she was doing, and she said, "Getting rid of these fingerprints.
" Exactly! She's over there.
Now, follow her, see what's in her bag, and report back to me.
I'm on it.
Pink underpants? Dad will love these! And I'm sure they'll look good on you too sir.
Ugh! No jack-in-the-box in this one, either.
I can't believe how many presents there are.
Yee-haw! Oh, come on! Can you guys please help me? These jack-in-the-boxes are going to go off any minute! Hey, careful! Can't you see we're in the middle of a congressional hearing? Yee-haw! Okay, here's that wrapping paper you wanted wrapped.
Great gift, by the way.
I need a little help here.
Paisley? I couldn't wrap this rocking chair, so I went with Plan B.
You wrapped yourself? How is that Plan B? Well, when the family opens me on Christmas morning, I'll say, "Hey, you got a really cool rocking chair, but I couldn't wrap it.
"And can I use your bathroom? "Because I've been under your tree all night.
" Ho, ho, ho.
What would you like for Christmas? Well, let's see.
I want a dolly, and I want a tea set, and I want to know what the heck you're up to, Darryl! Dad, don't let that dude with the beard sit in your lap.
Wow, the likeness is uncanny.
Darryl, I want to know what's going on right now.
Normally, I would lie to you, but since it's Christmas I decided to pose as Santa Claus to find out what you were buying me.
What? I'm not on an undercover top-secret mission? So I guess this badge is fake too? I can't believe you! Ha! You missed me by ten feet! You hit that giant candy cane, and Uh-oh.
Rose? It's me.
We're going to need another ambulance.
Great! Now, where am I gonna find a Santa Claus and an elf to fill in? Of course! It's so obvious! This is my worst nightmare.
I'm chubby and I have facial hair! I don't worry about the way that I look, I have high elf-esteem.
Look! It's Santa and the elves! And they're stealing our toys! Let's get 'em! Orphan style! Oh, well, we're not stealing.
We're fixing some broken toys from my workshop.
Come on! We've got to stop these toys before they explode! Aw, Santa! What kind of cookies did you eat? These are the greatest toys ever! Thank you so much! Well, I'm glad you like them.
We made them in the North Pole.
Yeah, we're a team here, but they were all my idea.
That's not true, you filthy liar! These tags say they're from someone named Ms.
Skidmore.
She must be the nicest person in the whole wide world.
What are you talking about? She's An angel.
It's Christmas.
Merry Christmas, kids! I'm so glad this Christmas we decided to buy something together, for the both of us.
Mmm.
I love this hammock.
Yeah.
Too bad they were out of the self-rocking ones.
How much longer do I have to do this? All right.
Go on, Cameron, open your present.
Aw, that's so cute! This is my present? Remember when you were telling Santa what you wanted, and you thought I wasn't listening? Look in the box.
Two tickets to the 49ers game! Dad, I love it! Mom, me and you are going to a football game.
Okay.
Well, Daddy, now you've got to open your present from me.
Ah! My baby.
It's a gift card for your favorite restaurant.
The hospital cafeteria! I love it! Thank you, sweetie! Chyna, your turn.
Open your present.
Oh, I can't wait to see what I got! You got a tuba, but I couldn't wrap it! Where's the bathroom? Right up there.
Cutting down the tree, taking Dad to the emergency room, hanging up the lights, taking Dad to the emergency room.
Singing Christmas carols.
Taking Dad to the emergency room.
It's amazing how much his "fa la la la la" sounds like the mating call of a raccoon.
Hey, rabies is no laughing matter.
We're gonna mail these Christmas cards to your nurses and doctors.
Try not to get hurt while we're away, honey.
Don't worry.
I'm just going to hang these stockings.
With this nail gun! Chyna, don't let your father play with this.
Okay.
Hey, wait! You're standing under the mistletoe.
Give me a kiss.
Darryl Come on, I dislocated my shoulder putting that up.
Good day.
All right.
Get out! If you're looking for the tip of'rour thumb, Mom put it in the freezer.
Actually, I'm looking for the present your mom got me so I know what to get her.
If I spend less than her, I look cheap.
If I spend more than her, I make her look bad.
To be fair, that rhinestone pantsuit you bought her last year really did make her look bad.
The point is, if I knew what she got me, I could get her something that costs exactly the same.
What did she buy me? Nothing.
Perfect.
I'm done shopping.
I meant nothing yet.
She's doing her shopping over the weekend.
That's it.
I'll secretly spy on her at the mall to see what she gets me.
But now it's time to hang this wreath.
Hey, Rose.
Yeah, it's me again.
In about five minutes, we're gonna need an ambulance.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Oh, I love the holiday season.
I don't know.
To me, Christmas has become so un-commercialized.
No one focuses on what this season is truly about.
Economics.
What? Seventy-eight percent earned during the Christmas, and to a lesser degree, Chanukah season.
Joy and good cheer won't put us on the road to financial recovery.
Attention minions! Your natural talents to make toys for me.
Aren't you a little old for toys? Or, really, anything and orthopedic shoes? I may be old but I'm going to outlive you! And the toys are not for me.
They're for a group the local orphanage.
Aw, that's a great idea, Principal Skidmore.
It will really make their Christmas special.
Yeah.
Who wants store-bought toy made, when you can get by an 11-year-old with Popsicle sticks and glue? Merry Christmas! Okay, we need to come up with a toy to make.
What do little kids like to play with? Fire.
Sharp objects.
Abandoned wells.
How about yo-yos? Yo-yos? They're incredibly dangerous! I made the perfect thing.
It looks like a high school textbook, but it's hollowed out so the teacher can't tell that inside you're concealing a college textbook.
Toys are supposed to be fun.
Like these action figures of dead artists.
Look! Here's a Salvador Dali dolly.
Ew! Why is it wet? I don't know.
It's not like I just slapped a mustache on a Tinkle Time Tina doll.
True, children love dead artists and pee, but maybe we can come up with a few other ideas.
Okay, let's think outside the box.
No, that's what we've been doing.
Maybe we should think inside the box.
Hey! It worked! I've got the perfect idea! Check this out.
All around the Christmas tree From Boston to Atlanta Saint Nick comes down the chimney Pop goes the Santa! I have an idea! We can make jack-in-the-boxes! Nice! That was my idea.
I was just demonstrating it.
Come on, Chyna, it's not about taking credit.
It's about helping the orphans with my really good idea.
Hi, Lexi.
You got a Christmas job? I'm so impressed with your work ethic.
Thanks! I'm saving up to get my own butler.
Anyway, I want you to wrap this special gift I bought.
It's a sweater for my sister.
Do you hate your sister? Yes! She thinks she's so pretty.
We'll see how pretty she looks in this sweater.
Darryl, what are you doing? I'm not Darryl, I'm a snowman! Sorry I'm late.
What are you wearing? You said we were hired to be rappers, so I came dressed as one.
Yo, can I get a beat? Just kidding, I brought my own! Congratulations! We have made 100 jack-in-the-boxes! Congratulations! We have made 99 jack-in-the-boxes! Who's in charge of quality control? He is.
Hey, guys, check out this early Christmas gift I got from my aunt.
It's a jack-in-the-box! Whoa! It's our jack-in-the-box.
Where did your aunt get this? A website.
"Skidmore's Hand-Crafted Toys.
" Hey, that's our principal's name! Skidmore's selling the boxes we made for profit, and the orphans get nothing! Wow, I resent being forced to work in sweatshop-like conditions under false pretenses! But I must say, I do admire her entrepreneurial spirit.
Very Christmas-y.
Principal Skidmore, we know what you've been up to.
You know we've been serving porcupine milk at the cafeteria? Uh, not that.
You know we've been serving porcupine meat in the cafeteria? No! You know that we've been Why don't you just tell me what you know.
We know that you've been selling our jack-in-the-boxes for profit.
You said you were helping the needy.
I am.
I'm needy.
I need money! I can't believe you'd do something like this.
Especially at Christmas.
I am disgusted.
How do you sleep at night? I don't.
I sleep during the day.
At night, I go prowling for silver foxes at the discotheques.
I'm now more disgusted.
Uh, excuse me, I'm here about the Santa Claus job.
I'm looking for the mall manager.
Ho, ho, ho! That would be me.
The name's Nick.
Uh, Darryl Parks.
Darryl, good to meet you.
I've been looking high and low for someone who could pass as Santa.
I think you might fit the bill.
Okay.
So, I would get to sit up on that chair and spy on everybody? I mean, to see who's naughty or nice.
I'd like to hire you, but you have to provide your own elf.
My own elf? Yes, and good luck.
I've been trying to find one for months.
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a meeting with my assistant manager.
Don't worry.
I know where to find an elf.
Dad, you promised I'd never have to dress like an elf again after that time you made me live in the tree house and bake cookies.
I know, but I need your help for a top secret police investigation.
So secret, you can't tell anyone.
Not even Mom? Especially not Mom.
Last time I told her a secret, she blabbed it to everyone.
You wear pink underpants.
I can't believe Skidmore.
Christmas is supposed to be about love, and joy, and kindness to your fellow man.
Let's pound her into a fine, powdery paste! We need to teach Skidmore a lesson! And not something she'd enjoy, like trigonometry! We should teach her a lesson.
And I think I know just how to do it.
As your gift for Christmas this year I hope you get the measles You have a heart that's made of stone Take this, you weasel! I've got it! We rig the next batch of jack-in-the-boxes with booby traps to go off in Skidmore's face.
Fletcher, you are on fire! "Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
"Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
" This story's a little repetitive.
"Printed in the Philippines.
" Wow, what a twist ending.
Excuse me, ladies? Have either of you seen anything out of the ordinary? Besides you in tights? Hi, Mrs.
Parks.
I wrapped that ugly sweater for you.
Your sister will be so surprised.
Cameron? What are you doing? I'm not Cameron, I'm an elf! So, in exactly two hours, our jack-in-the-boxes are set to go off in Skidmore's face! Fletcher, I'm still in awe of your genius.
What? Kids, I thought about what you said to me, and last night I had an awful dream where I was visited by the ghost of my Christmases past, present, and future.
In one night? I would think your past alone would take a good month.
And given your age, I'm surprised you even had a future.
Shut it! The point is I've decided to be nice! To make amends, I have donated the entire last batch of toys to the orphanage.
What? I just dropped them off.
And I've got to say, it felt good.
This is terrible.
We've got to find a way to sneak in and get those jack-in-the-boxes back before they go off in the orphanage! I've got it! You can get on my shoulders, and Chyna can get on your shoulders, and we can put on a trench coat, and pretend to be the orphanage inspector.
That's ridiculous.
We'll never find a trench coat that long.
But there might be another way for us to sneak in.
You know the front door was unlocked, right? Yeah, we know.
What's fun about a door? Let's go get those jack-in-the-boxes.
Which ones are they? All these boxes are the same size.
Maybe we could tell by shaking them.
Okay, that's not one of them.
Yeah, yeah, I heard you, man.
Video games, a new bike, world peace, blah blah blah.
Where do you think you're going? Santa's just going to the bathroom to deliver a lump of coal.
Well, ho-ho-hold it in! Cameron! Psst! I have reason to believe your mother may be the mastermind behind this whole crime spree.
I knew it! She's been acting very suspicious lately.
The other day I saw her wiping the refrigerator door.
I asked what she was doing, and she said, "Getting rid of these fingerprints.
" Exactly! She's over there.
Now, follow her, see what's in her bag, and report back to me.
I'm on it.
Pink underpants? Dad will love these! And I'm sure they'll look good on you too sir.
Ugh! No jack-in-the-box in this one, either.
I can't believe how many presents there are.
Yee-haw! Oh, come on! Can you guys please help me? These jack-in-the-boxes are going to go off any minute! Hey, careful! Can't you see we're in the middle of a congressional hearing? Yee-haw! Okay, here's that wrapping paper you wanted wrapped.
Great gift, by the way.
I need a little help here.
Paisley? I couldn't wrap this rocking chair, so I went with Plan B.
You wrapped yourself? How is that Plan B? Well, when the family opens me on Christmas morning, I'll say, "Hey, you got a really cool rocking chair, but I couldn't wrap it.
"And can I use your bathroom? "Because I've been under your tree all night.
" Ho, ho, ho.
What would you like for Christmas? Well, let's see.
I want a dolly, and I want a tea set, and I want to know what the heck you're up to, Darryl! Dad, don't let that dude with the beard sit in your lap.
Wow, the likeness is uncanny.
Darryl, I want to know what's going on right now.
Normally, I would lie to you, but since it's Christmas I decided to pose as Santa Claus to find out what you were buying me.
What? I'm not on an undercover top-secret mission? So I guess this badge is fake too? I can't believe you! Ha! You missed me by ten feet! You hit that giant candy cane, and Uh-oh.
Rose? It's me.
We're going to need another ambulance.
Great! Now, where am I gonna find a Santa Claus and an elf to fill in? Of course! It's so obvious! This is my worst nightmare.
I'm chubby and I have facial hair! I don't worry about the way that I look, I have high elf-esteem.
Look! It's Santa and the elves! And they're stealing our toys! Let's get 'em! Orphan style! Oh, well, we're not stealing.
We're fixing some broken toys from my workshop.
Come on! We've got to stop these toys before they explode! Aw, Santa! What kind of cookies did you eat? These are the greatest toys ever! Thank you so much! Well, I'm glad you like them.
We made them in the North Pole.
Yeah, we're a team here, but they were all my idea.
That's not true, you filthy liar! These tags say they're from someone named Ms.
Skidmore.
She must be the nicest person in the whole wide world.
What are you talking about? She's An angel.
It's Christmas.
Merry Christmas, kids! I'm so glad this Christmas we decided to buy something together, for the both of us.
Mmm.
I love this hammock.
Yeah.
Too bad they were out of the self-rocking ones.
How much longer do I have to do this? All right.
Go on, Cameron, open your present.
Aw, that's so cute! This is my present? Remember when you were telling Santa what you wanted, and you thought I wasn't listening? Look in the box.
Two tickets to the 49ers game! Dad, I love it! Mom, me and you are going to a football game.
Okay.
Well, Daddy, now you've got to open your present from me.
Ah! My baby.
It's a gift card for your favorite restaurant.
The hospital cafeteria! I love it! Thank you, sweetie! Chyna, your turn.
Open your present.
Oh, I can't wait to see what I got! You got a tuba, but I couldn't wrap it! Where's the bathroom? Right up there.