ALF s01e19 Episode Script
Wild Thing
Try it again.
This time i'll get it.
Okay, tell me what i'm thinking.
You're thinking of The 1927 yankees.
I was thinking of a fork.
But didn't one of their pitchers throw a forkball? I don't know.
Well trust me, he did.
Hi, guys.
Hello.
Oh, we're okay.
Don't get up.
I wasn't going to.
Guess what? Alf can read our minds.
He's not reading mine at the moment.
Yes, i am.
I'm just ignoring it.
"How to develop your psychic awareness in one afternoon.
" We sent away for it.
Yeah, it came with a pair of these x-Ray glasses.
You wasted good money on a mind-Reading kit? We'll make it all back with our stock market picks.
Alf, you come from an advanced civilization.
How can you be so gullible? You're right.
I'm ashamed.
Nice underwear, kate.
** Oh, good.
Everyone's here.
Where's kate? In the shower.
Thanks.
He wouldn't.
He might.
[ Kate .]
aaaaaah! He did.
Found her.
Alf, you don't walk into other people's showers.
I didn't walk in.
I just pulled the curtain open.
I insist that you respect my wife's privacy.
All right, all right.
We're movin' on.
I need to have a family meeting here.
Alf! They'll call back.
You do that again, you're a seat cover! Do what again? You know what! Alf, that was rude hanging up the phone like that! You're right.
I'm sorry.
You look a little different today.
Did you used to have a mustache? No, i got my braces off.
Yeah, but Didn't you used to have a mustache, too? Alf, what do you have to say that's so important? Today is march the first.
You better not be finished.
I wasn't.
Tomorrow is the second.
I'm calling mindy back.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Come here.
Come back here.
Every seventy-Five years on march second I go through a complex Physiological And psychological transformation.
What? I go goofy.
All melmacians go through it.
From sunrise to sunset My personality will change dramatically.
How dramatic is this change? One never knows 'til it happens.
But expect the unexpected, Wildly erratic behavior, Personality shifts-- The main thing is that i'll do anything To get out of that cage, And get my hands on a cat.
Any questions? I have one.
You, in the tie.
What cage? Oh, the cage you're going to build for me.
The one with the reinforced sides.
Well, i guess it's that time.
Good luck, alf.
Thanks, brian.
Now remember, willie, You are not I repeat, not to let me out of here Under any circumstances.
Is that clear? Yes.
Good.
Good.
Now let me out.
I have to use the little alien's room.
Oh, sure.
What are you doing? Are you crazy? Didn't i say not to open this door Under any circumstances? Well, i thought, uh I thought you really had to go.
You have a lunatic on your hands here.
You've got to be prepared for All kinds of diabolical tricks.
Okay, okay.
You know, maybe i should go Just to be on the safe side.
Forget it.
Good.
You're finally catching on.
Now, now let me out.
I have to go.
No, no.
Aaaaaaoooww! Maybe he's in pain.
That's just another one of his tricks.
Help! Help! Fire! Somebody let me out.
He's lying.
Ooh, there's a big rat in here.
Badly.
[ In lynn's voice .]
mom, dad, get me out of here! Lynnie, that sounded just like you.
Wow, he's really good.
This is really weird.
I can't watch.
[ Brian's voice .]
wait for me, wait for me! Did i say that? You'd better go to your room, too.
This could get out of hand.
[ In willie's voice .]
this could get out of hand.
It's going to be a long night.
Yo b brian.
Where are you going? To get some milk.
Oh, yeah.
That would sure hit the spot.
Hey, come here.
I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Not talk to your old buddy? You don't have to be afraid.
It's over.
I'm back to my old self.
Come on, let me out.
You said not until sunrise.
Brian, it's me.
The ol' alfer.
The guy that taught you how to read minds.
I know what you're thinking right now.
What? That you want to let your old pal Out of this cage, right? No.
I was thinking of a fork.
[ Imitating clock buzzer .]
What's that? Oh, it's my alarm.
It's sunrise.
You can let me out now.
But, it's still dark.
Not on melmac.
See, that's the time we go by.
So, i made it.
Open up.
Are you sure? I'm sure, i'm sure.
Open up.
I'm hungry.
Okay.
Thanks.
Oh, hey Would you check in that cage? Ha! Ha! Alf, why are you locking me in this cage? Sorry, kid.
I need a head start.
Here, kitty, kitty kitty.
Mom!Dad! Mom! Dad! Let me out! Oh boy, he does a good brian.
You'd hardly know it was alf.
It's me, it's really me.
Nice try.
Honey, maybe it is brian.
But that can't be.
Brian's in bed.
Brian! What! Not you! Brian! What? I'll go check his room.
Honey, it looks just like brian.
Maybe alf can change his shape, too.
No he can't.
It's me.
All right.
All right.
If you're really brian What's your favorite food? Spaghetti.
Uh, that's ridiculous! No, no, no, that is his Favorite food.
I thought lynn liked spaghetti.
No.
No? He's not back there.
Say, what's your favorite food? I don't know White boiled potatoes.
I thought you liked spaghetti.
It's all right.
All right? It's fine.
Willie Willie, i'm going to open this cage.
No.
Wait.
What's your mother's maiden name? What's a maiden name? Well, you know It's the name she had before she was married.
Kate.
No, her other name Her last name.
Halligan.
Oh, brian! Honey! Are you all right? What happened to alf? I let him go.
Oh, honey.
I'll go check out back.
Brian, why? He told me the change was over.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, honey, it's all right.
But what were you doing up In the middle of the night? I thought i wanted some milk.
Maybe alf was trying to call me in my mind.
No, i don't think so, brian.
The gate to the ochmoneks' is wide open.
Oh, no.
Lucky's over there.
I'm going next door And see if alf is there.
Stay here in case he comes back.
Oh, well You'd both better go back to bed.
I can't sleep now.
I'm hungry.
We'll stay up and have a snack.
What would you like? Spaghetti.
White boiled potatoes.
[ Knocking .]
Hey, raquel! [ Snoring .]
Raquel! Oh Oh, was i snoring again? I'm coming.
Keep your shorts on.
Who could that be at this time of night? It's probably the airport Asking you to keep it down.
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, tanner.
Trevor.
Hi, raquel.
Hello, willie.
I'm sorry to bother you This late at night But, i just came over-- I was hoping i could get lucky.
I mean, lucky, our cat.
Oh.
At this time of night? Well, we were worried about him.
It's his first night away from home.
Yeah.
I had a feeling.
Raquel, get the cat.
I can't go near that cat.
You know it makes my feet swell.
Oh, yeah.
Then you'll be wearing my shoes again.
I'll get the cat.
I'm sorry, raquel.
That's all right.
Can i get you something? I just bought one of those International coffees-- No! Something without caffeine? No, no, no.
I don't need anything from the kitchen.
I can't find the little fella anywhere.
[ Can opener whirring .]
Hey, what's going on in the kitchen? [ Whispers .]
alf! How long do you preheat these For a cat? Give me that! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha! What's so funny? This toaster oven Is it a toaster, or is it an oven? Ha, ha, ha! Why are you holding it? Haven't you ever felt the need to just hold something? I just found the strangest thing An open can of minestrone in the kitchen.
Oh, that was probably the cat.
Your cat opens tin cans? It's amazing, i know.
We're trying to get him on letterman.
[ Crash .]
oh, my! That better not be my cologne.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Alf, we're going home.
I want that cat.
No! All right.
Who needs him? There are a million cats out there! Give me your car keys.
Alf, we're going to go home, right now! No! Ha! Ha! Ha! He broke my glass eye.
I'll buy you another one.
You got that right.
[ Lawn mower revving .]
Raquel, that sounds like your riding mower! Oh, no! Hey, where are you going with my toaster oven? [ Police radio .]
treed cat at 13145 "julio" st.
What? "Hoolio" st.
? I hate this town.
Where was that again? Oh, no, i should have seen this coming.
What? We're running out of those little flags.
[ Police radio .]
unit-9, proceed to Investigate break-In at pete's house 'o' pets.
Well, here's Look, dad.
It's nowhere near julio street.
Alf can't be doing all those things.
You're right, of course.
How far can he get on a lawn mower? [ Police radio .]
all units in the vicinity, Proceed to county zoo.
Investigate report of a missing tiger.
Oh, my gosh, alf! Even alf would have more sense Than to kidnap a tiger.
Yeah, you're right.
Lynnie, let's get in the car Drive around the neighborhood one more time And see if we can find him.
But, what if he's got the tiger? Then they won't be hard to spot.
[ Tv voice .]
one, two, three You can't hit the beaches if you can't See your feet.
Three No luck? Nope.
We did find the lawn mower, though.
Oh, good, i won't have to buy raquel a new one.
You will if you can't get The bonsai trees out of the blade.
Anything on the police scanner? Just a couple of domestic spats.
One of them was at the ochmoneks'.
Brian? Honey, you have a headache? No, i'm thinking of a fork.
I'm trying to get alf back.
"Metal" telepathy.
I'm the one who let him get away.
I've got to make him come back.
Honey, he'll come back when he can.
If he can.
By now, his 12 hours are up.
I'm sure he's come out of it.
He might not know where he is.
Something terrible could have happened.
Let's just try to think positively About this, okay? I'm sure that he'll be home soon.
And he never misses "captain kangaroo.
" [ Loud thump on door .]
Alf! Excuse me, but You good people have a fork? The mind reading worked! Oh, alf.
Alf, are you all right? Yeah, yeah, fine.
Why do you ask? We were so worried.
Where were you? Out.
Well, do you think this thing Has run its course now? To quote yogi berra, "It ain't over 'til it's over!" There's still one more stage.
Well, what stage is that? Quoting people.
And as mercutio said, "All's well that ends well.
" No, no, no, mercutio said, "'Tis not so deep as a well, But 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
" Oh, right.
But "to err is human To forgive, divine.
" Plutarch, i believe.
Well, at least you've recovered.
Sort of.
Yeah.
Or, as marcel proust said "We are healed of suffering Only by experiencing it to the full.
" Or was that marcel marceau? No that couldn't be right.
Marcel marceau said Or in the words of dustan "It ill-Becomes us to jest "At a fallen potentate.
And still less before he has fallen.
" Say, how much longer are you going to do this? Well, if i may quote porky pig "Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks!" And speaking of porky Do i smell bacon? No.
Well, i'd like to.
I thought you spent the whole night Eating cats.
I don't think i did.
At least, i don't feel bloated.
But now that you mention cats I do remember storing something in the garage.
The garage? You, this way.
If you've stolen any cats, They're going back immediately.
You understand? No problem.
I'll, i'll take him back right after breakfast.
Copyrighted by alien productions.
All rights reserved.
This time i'll get it.
Okay, tell me what i'm thinking.
You're thinking of The 1927 yankees.
I was thinking of a fork.
But didn't one of their pitchers throw a forkball? I don't know.
Well trust me, he did.
Hi, guys.
Hello.
Oh, we're okay.
Don't get up.
I wasn't going to.
Guess what? Alf can read our minds.
He's not reading mine at the moment.
Yes, i am.
I'm just ignoring it.
"How to develop your psychic awareness in one afternoon.
" We sent away for it.
Yeah, it came with a pair of these x-Ray glasses.
You wasted good money on a mind-Reading kit? We'll make it all back with our stock market picks.
Alf, you come from an advanced civilization.
How can you be so gullible? You're right.
I'm ashamed.
Nice underwear, kate.
** Oh, good.
Everyone's here.
Where's kate? In the shower.
Thanks.
He wouldn't.
He might.
[ Kate .]
aaaaaah! He did.
Found her.
Alf, you don't walk into other people's showers.
I didn't walk in.
I just pulled the curtain open.
I insist that you respect my wife's privacy.
All right, all right.
We're movin' on.
I need to have a family meeting here.
Alf! They'll call back.
You do that again, you're a seat cover! Do what again? You know what! Alf, that was rude hanging up the phone like that! You're right.
I'm sorry.
You look a little different today.
Did you used to have a mustache? No, i got my braces off.
Yeah, but Didn't you used to have a mustache, too? Alf, what do you have to say that's so important? Today is march the first.
You better not be finished.
I wasn't.
Tomorrow is the second.
I'm calling mindy back.
Wait! Wait! Wait! Come here.
Come back here.
Every seventy-Five years on march second I go through a complex Physiological And psychological transformation.
What? I go goofy.
All melmacians go through it.
From sunrise to sunset My personality will change dramatically.
How dramatic is this change? One never knows 'til it happens.
But expect the unexpected, Wildly erratic behavior, Personality shifts-- The main thing is that i'll do anything To get out of that cage, And get my hands on a cat.
Any questions? I have one.
You, in the tie.
What cage? Oh, the cage you're going to build for me.
The one with the reinforced sides.
Well, i guess it's that time.
Good luck, alf.
Thanks, brian.
Now remember, willie, You are not I repeat, not to let me out of here Under any circumstances.
Is that clear? Yes.
Good.
Good.
Now let me out.
I have to use the little alien's room.
Oh, sure.
What are you doing? Are you crazy? Didn't i say not to open this door Under any circumstances? Well, i thought, uh I thought you really had to go.
You have a lunatic on your hands here.
You've got to be prepared for All kinds of diabolical tricks.
Okay, okay.
You know, maybe i should go Just to be on the safe side.
Forget it.
Good.
You're finally catching on.
Now, now let me out.
I have to go.
No, no.
Aaaaaaoooww! Maybe he's in pain.
That's just another one of his tricks.
Help! Help! Fire! Somebody let me out.
He's lying.
Ooh, there's a big rat in here.
Badly.
[ In lynn's voice .]
mom, dad, get me out of here! Lynnie, that sounded just like you.
Wow, he's really good.
This is really weird.
I can't watch.
[ Brian's voice .]
wait for me, wait for me! Did i say that? You'd better go to your room, too.
This could get out of hand.
[ In willie's voice .]
this could get out of hand.
It's going to be a long night.
Yo b brian.
Where are you going? To get some milk.
Oh, yeah.
That would sure hit the spot.
Hey, come here.
I'm not supposed to talk to you.
Not talk to your old buddy? You don't have to be afraid.
It's over.
I'm back to my old self.
Come on, let me out.
You said not until sunrise.
Brian, it's me.
The ol' alfer.
The guy that taught you how to read minds.
I know what you're thinking right now.
What? That you want to let your old pal Out of this cage, right? No.
I was thinking of a fork.
[ Imitating clock buzzer .]
What's that? Oh, it's my alarm.
It's sunrise.
You can let me out now.
But, it's still dark.
Not on melmac.
See, that's the time we go by.
So, i made it.
Open up.
Are you sure? I'm sure, i'm sure.
Open up.
I'm hungry.
Okay.
Thanks.
Oh, hey Would you check in that cage? Ha! Ha! Alf, why are you locking me in this cage? Sorry, kid.
I need a head start.
Here, kitty, kitty kitty.
Mom!Dad! Mom! Dad! Let me out! Oh boy, he does a good brian.
You'd hardly know it was alf.
It's me, it's really me.
Nice try.
Honey, maybe it is brian.
But that can't be.
Brian's in bed.
Brian! What! Not you! Brian! What? I'll go check his room.
Honey, it looks just like brian.
Maybe alf can change his shape, too.
No he can't.
It's me.
All right.
All right.
If you're really brian What's your favorite food? Spaghetti.
Uh, that's ridiculous! No, no, no, that is his Favorite food.
I thought lynn liked spaghetti.
No.
No? He's not back there.
Say, what's your favorite food? I don't know White boiled potatoes.
I thought you liked spaghetti.
It's all right.
All right? It's fine.
Willie Willie, i'm going to open this cage.
No.
Wait.
What's your mother's maiden name? What's a maiden name? Well, you know It's the name she had before she was married.
Kate.
No, her other name Her last name.
Halligan.
Oh, brian! Honey! Are you all right? What happened to alf? I let him go.
Oh, honey.
I'll go check out back.
Brian, why? He told me the change was over.
I'm really sorry.
Oh, honey, it's all right.
But what were you doing up In the middle of the night? I thought i wanted some milk.
Maybe alf was trying to call me in my mind.
No, i don't think so, brian.
The gate to the ochmoneks' is wide open.
Oh, no.
Lucky's over there.
I'm going next door And see if alf is there.
Stay here in case he comes back.
Oh, well You'd both better go back to bed.
I can't sleep now.
I'm hungry.
We'll stay up and have a snack.
What would you like? Spaghetti.
White boiled potatoes.
[ Knocking .]
Hey, raquel! [ Snoring .]
Raquel! Oh Oh, was i snoring again? I'm coming.
Keep your shorts on.
Who could that be at this time of night? It's probably the airport Asking you to keep it down.
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, tanner.
Trevor.
Hi, raquel.
Hello, willie.
I'm sorry to bother you This late at night But, i just came over-- I was hoping i could get lucky.
I mean, lucky, our cat.
Oh.
At this time of night? Well, we were worried about him.
It's his first night away from home.
Yeah.
I had a feeling.
Raquel, get the cat.
I can't go near that cat.
You know it makes my feet swell.
Oh, yeah.
Then you'll be wearing my shoes again.
I'll get the cat.
I'm sorry, raquel.
That's all right.
Can i get you something? I just bought one of those International coffees-- No! Something without caffeine? No, no, no.
I don't need anything from the kitchen.
I can't find the little fella anywhere.
[ Can opener whirring .]
Hey, what's going on in the kitchen? [ Whispers .]
alf! How long do you preheat these For a cat? Give me that! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha Ha, ha, ha, ha! What's so funny? This toaster oven Is it a toaster, or is it an oven? Ha, ha, ha! Why are you holding it? Haven't you ever felt the need to just hold something? I just found the strangest thing An open can of minestrone in the kitchen.
Oh, that was probably the cat.
Your cat opens tin cans? It's amazing, i know.
We're trying to get him on letterman.
[ Crash .]
oh, my! That better not be my cologne.
Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.
Alf, we're going home.
I want that cat.
No! All right.
Who needs him? There are a million cats out there! Give me your car keys.
Alf, we're going to go home, right now! No! Ha! Ha! Ha! He broke my glass eye.
I'll buy you another one.
You got that right.
[ Lawn mower revving .]
Raquel, that sounds like your riding mower! Oh, no! Hey, where are you going with my toaster oven? [ Police radio .]
treed cat at 13145 "julio" st.
What? "Hoolio" st.
? I hate this town.
Where was that again? Oh, no, i should have seen this coming.
What? We're running out of those little flags.
[ Police radio .]
unit-9, proceed to Investigate break-In at pete's house 'o' pets.
Well, here's Look, dad.
It's nowhere near julio street.
Alf can't be doing all those things.
You're right, of course.
How far can he get on a lawn mower? [ Police radio .]
all units in the vicinity, Proceed to county zoo.
Investigate report of a missing tiger.
Oh, my gosh, alf! Even alf would have more sense Than to kidnap a tiger.
Yeah, you're right.
Lynnie, let's get in the car Drive around the neighborhood one more time And see if we can find him.
But, what if he's got the tiger? Then they won't be hard to spot.
[ Tv voice .]
one, two, three You can't hit the beaches if you can't See your feet.
Three No luck? Nope.
We did find the lawn mower, though.
Oh, good, i won't have to buy raquel a new one.
You will if you can't get The bonsai trees out of the blade.
Anything on the police scanner? Just a couple of domestic spats.
One of them was at the ochmoneks'.
Brian? Honey, you have a headache? No, i'm thinking of a fork.
I'm trying to get alf back.
"Metal" telepathy.
I'm the one who let him get away.
I've got to make him come back.
Honey, he'll come back when he can.
If he can.
By now, his 12 hours are up.
I'm sure he's come out of it.
He might not know where he is.
Something terrible could have happened.
Let's just try to think positively About this, okay? I'm sure that he'll be home soon.
And he never misses "captain kangaroo.
" [ Loud thump on door .]
Alf! Excuse me, but You good people have a fork? The mind reading worked! Oh, alf.
Alf, are you all right? Yeah, yeah, fine.
Why do you ask? We were so worried.
Where were you? Out.
Well, do you think this thing Has run its course now? To quote yogi berra, "It ain't over 'til it's over!" There's still one more stage.
Well, what stage is that? Quoting people.
And as mercutio said, "All's well that ends well.
" No, no, no, mercutio said, "'Tis not so deep as a well, But 'tis enough, 'twill serve.
" Oh, right.
But "to err is human To forgive, divine.
" Plutarch, i believe.
Well, at least you've recovered.
Sort of.
Yeah.
Or, as marcel proust said "We are healed of suffering Only by experiencing it to the full.
" Or was that marcel marceau? No that couldn't be right.
Marcel marceau said Or in the words of dustan "It ill-Becomes us to jest "At a fallen potentate.
And still less before he has fallen.
" Say, how much longer are you going to do this? Well, if i may quote porky pig "Th-Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks!" And speaking of porky Do i smell bacon? No.
Well, i'd like to.
I thought you spent the whole night Eating cats.
I don't think i did.
At least, i don't feel bloated.
But now that you mention cats I do remember storing something in the garage.
The garage? You, this way.
If you've stolen any cats, They're going back immediately.
You understand? No problem.
I'll, i'll take him back right after breakfast.
Copyrighted by alien productions.
All rights reserved.