Batman (1966) s01e19 Episode Script
The Purr-Fect Crime (1)
It is midnight and Gotham City sleeps.
But not everyone.
.
for there is evil afoot in the Gotham City art museum.
What's that? Who's there? I know it was valuable.
But why would they take only that and leave all those other magnificent treasures? I'm as puzzled as you are, commissioner.
Uh, oh, Bonnie, come in, come in.
Oddest looking man left this for you, sir, He said, it was important.
Odd looking? In what way, Bonnie? I'm just not sure, commissioner, he was as jumpy as a cat.
Thank you, thank you, Bonnie.
A kitten.
Look, there's a bit of paper under it's collar.
Yes, newspaper clipping, what do you make of it O'Hara? What? Wait, that's Mark Andrews, the multi-millionaire.
'Owner of the stolen, golden cat.
' And look, one of them has been crossed out.
And those two cats are only a small part of his priceless collection.
Yes, now one was on loan to the museum and the other is at the Gotham City Exposition.
I smell the tracks of a feline predator.
- You mean? - Exactly.
The Catwoman.
I'm afraid this calls for more drastic methods.
It's actually, quite rudimentary, Dick.
You just have to think, Holy rachetskey! Gosh, Bruce.
I think I'll just stick to Latin crossword puzzles.
Ahem.
Yes, Alfred.
The phone, sir.
Well, I didn't hear the phone.
Oh, I.
.
I was just making a call, madam.
Well, and there was someone on the line for Mr.
Wayne.
Oh, yes, that's happened to me too.
We'll finish our snack later, Aunt Harriet.
Yes, commissioner.
'Dreadful news, Catwoman is on the prowl again.
' We're on our way.
To the bat-poles.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Ta da da da Batman And we believe this is just the first of the planned robbery.
Good thinking, commissioner.
Obviously, the Catwoman would not be satisfied with only this.
No, I'm certain this only the first stitch in the large tapestry of crime.
And the clipping? There's a great deal of hidden significance in the fact that just one of the cats is scratched out.
Gosh, I wish Mark Andrews, was here.
I bet he could give us some more info.
'And indeed I can.
' 'Batman, we know that you would want Mr.
Mark Andrews.
' 'We called him to come down to the headquarters.
' - How do you do, Mr.
Andrews? - What a thrill this is, Batman.
I've followed your exploits for years.
Nice meeting you too, Robin.
This clipping indicates that there are two golden cats.
Yes, the second one is at the Gotham City Exposition.
I wouldn't lend any one institution both cats at one time.
Insurance, you know? Yes, I understand.
How long will it be at the Exposition? Until this evening.
If Catwoman is going to steal that one.
- She'll do it tonight.
- Correct, Robin.
There's no time to lose.
Will you wanting any extra police protection? No, thank you, Chief O'Hara.
I certainly don't mean to cast any aspersions on the police department.
'This time I think.
' Robin and I better go at it alone.
Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion.
Whatever you say, Batman.
I know it'll be safe with you on the job.
Let's go, Robin.
It just doesn't sound right.
Too easy is it, Robin? First, the cat at the museum.
.
then the cat at the Exposition.
Thenthen.
.
The rest of Mark Andrew's collection.
Holy trickery, you're right.
But I don't understand why Catwoman wouldn't tell us what she's planning.
Maybe to give us a false lead to hide the real crime.
Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt.
We're only going a couple of blocks.
It won't be long until you're old enough to get a driver's license, Robin.
Then you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles.
Remember, motorist's safety.
Gosh, Batman when you put it that way.
Meanwhile, in a quiet alley in the heart of downtown, Gotham City is a fur warehouse an innocent place of business.
.
or is it? What a beauty, I bet it's worth a small fortune.
A fat lot of good that does is.
She stole it but she won't sell it.
Yeah, I wonder why.
We should get our cut.
Yours is not to reason why.
Yours is to do as I tell you to.
Or you'll keep tasting my cat o' nine tails.
Leo, did you get the books? 'Yes, Catwoman.
' I had to go all the way down to the main library.
But I got every one of them.
Felix, what about the delivery? Smooth as cream, made it without a hitch.
'Good.
' I know that Batman and Robin will swallow the bait.
And when they do.
.
I'll be rid of that dynamic duo once and for all.
Others have tried but failed.
The Catwoman is not like the others.
I'll show you how to clip Batman and Robin's wings.
I will prevail.
Oh, joy success and revenge.
All wrapped up into one sweet package.
We're sorry, Catwoman, we didn't mean to step on your paws.
Hmmdon't do it again.
- Now where are the books? - I'll get them for you.
Each of you know what you have to do, so do it.
And remember this, once we get that other cat the key to untold riches will be ours.
Yes, Catwoman.
Good afternoon, sir.
Trouble? The Catwoman has unsheathed her claws again.
Oh, tsk itch.
Will she never learn? Well the atomic reactor is recharging the Batmobile.
Please help Robin with the auxiliary power channel.
- Time is of the essence.
- Yes, sir.
All set on the auxiliary power channel.
Good.
Solution is ready.
Increase the power to 17,000KW.
Power is 17,000 KW.
That's it.
- All power off.
- All power off.
- Alfred.
- Yes, sir.
Please attach that high-pressure can to the outlet valve.
There.
That will neutralize the dangerous radioactivity and give us the proper amount of emission for our purposes.
And may I enquire, sir, exactly what are your purposes? Of course, Alfred.
It's a defense mechanism in case the Catwoman eludes us tonight and decides to make off with the prize.
You see, we spray this radioactive mist on an object then we trace with the Bat-o-meter with in a radius of 50 miles.
Remarkable.
When dealing with powerful criminal elements one can never be too well prepared.
Let's go.
Batman and Robin, this way please.
Thank you, citizens.
No need for you to wait in line.
You're on official business.
I'd rather not say.
There's no charge for you.
Go right in.
Well, I'd rather pay, just like any other ordinary citizen.
- Yes.
- 'They're here.
' - Excellent.
- This place closes at six.
One of the guys told me, they'll be at the Great Hall of Culture - 'and all alone.
' - Splendid.
'Is everything okay?' Purr-fect.
Well, I for one, just don't like it, that's all.
I mean, dealing with Batman and Robin.
I don't know, it just makes me nervous.
Everything makes you nervous.
Well, I'd feel a lot better if I knew who he really was.
The whole idea of a bat bothers me.
That's exactly what I'd expect from you.
Just enough time for a cat-nap.
Felix, scram.
And have the car parked at the corner at exactly 11, sharp.
Right.
There.
Now we'll be able to trace the radioactivity within a 50 mile radius.
Almost midnight.
- Time to check the exits again.
- I'll do it.
No, Robin, you better let me do it this time.
If you see or hear anything, let me know via bat-communicator.
I'll be back in 3 minutes and 20 seconds.
Right.
Holy cats, a cat.
Help, Batman, help.
What is it, Robin, answer me.
A-ah.
Poor little Robin Did the itty-bitty kitty ruffle your feathers? Din-ding-ding din-ding-ding You, feline devil.
- What have you done with Robin? - Oh.
Is that anyway to greet an old friend, Batman? Not even a "Hello, how are you?".
Meow.
Teach him some manners, fellas.
'Robin.
Old chum.
' Come on, cats, let's get out of here.
What happened? The cat.
Easy now, Robin, you were drugged with cat-o-cor.
A fiendish preparation designed to attack the central nervous system.
Universal drug antidote pills will fix you up post-haste.
Did you get the cat? Yes, Robin, it's just as I planned it.
Now, the Catwoman will herself lead us to her lair and the recovery of both cats.
Batman, the Bat-o-meter is functioning perfectly.
All we do is follow the blip and we're on the trail.
Of course I know, they're on our trail.
They wouldn't be Batman and Robin if they weren't.
Are we set to greet our two pigeons? They're going to get a "hello" they'll never forget.
Good, just make sure nothing goes wrong.
I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity.
'We're ready whenever you are, Catwoman.
' - Felix.
- Yes, Catwoman.
You can brush my pussy willows before you leave.
'And don't go against the fur.
' I'll treat them like they was my very own.
This is it, Robin.
She's in that building.
How can you be sure, Batman? Look up, Robin, the sign on the door "Gato and Chat Fur Company.
" Gato means cat in Spanish and Chat means cat in French.
Only the Catwoman'd choose a hideout with those names.
I'm glad you're upping your foreign languages, Robin.
They come in handy when fighting crime.
Si, si, Batman, what do we do now? There are no entrances and only one door, we have no choice.
We'll use the Bat-beam and the Batmobile.
Why don't we walk right in? That's the door, maybe booby-trap.
We won't take any chances if we use the Bat-beam.
Stand by for Bat-beam.
You're right again, Batman, we might have been killed.
Or worse.
Now, let's go.
The door.
Seems, it would be more difficult getting out of here than it was getting in.
'Good evening, Batman and Robin.
' 'Welcome.
' Good evening, Catwoman.
It seems as if you were expecting us.
'I have a wonderful night planned for you' 'and it starts right now.
' Where are we? 'You are deep in the inner catacombs of this building.
' 'This is the last room you will ever occupy.
' I've heard that song before, Catwoman.
The last few bars are always the same.
The criminal is always behind them.
This is my night to howl, Batman.
Because tonight you are the mice and I am the cat.
The old cat and mouse game is it? 'You have a wonderful way with words, Batman.
' I couldn't have put it any better.
How does it feel to be the quarry for a change, hmm? 'What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?' 'Alright, you've had your laugh, Catwoman.
' - Now what you intend to do is-- - 'Do?' Well.
.
First, I'm gonna give you, two a few pointers.
Holy icepicks! What're we gonna do, Batman? 'Ticklish situation.
Isn't it Batman?' Hit the deck, Robin, I'll get us out of this.
These pointers are made of painted rubber, Robin.
- The old cat and mouse game.
- Exactly.
'But, it was scary for a while, wasn't it, Batman?' 'Meow.
' Your sense of humor leaves me cold, Catwoman.
Felix.
Perhaps, my next idea will warm you up, Batman.
It's quite interesting.
Almost, "cat-aclysmic".
Evil is as evil does.
'Now you have to admit that was funny, Batman.
' Your childish antics lead me to believe you're a kitten not a cat.
'Leo' I'm bored with you, Batman.
The time has come to separate Damon from Pythias.
The cat-alogue is closed.
Say goodbye to each other.
'Bye-bye, Robin.
Your little bird has flown.
' What have you done with him? 'That's for me to know and you to find out.
' You, feline devil.
Tsk tsk and another tsk, Batman.
Why don't you just admit I'm smarter than you are and let it go at that? There's more than one way to skin a catwoman.
'Are you a betting man?' I never gamble.
Well, this time you'll have to because I now have a wager you must accept.
The stake's are your life.
- You leave me no choice.
- 'Ah, but I do.
' 'And that is the sum and substance of the bet.
'In front of you are two doors.
' 'I'm standing behind one of them.
' - And the other? - 'Ah, there's the rub.
' 'Behind the other door is a ferocious Batman eating tiger.
' - So, the odds are even.
- 'Correct.
' 'If you pick the right door' 'I'm yours, Batman.
' 'If you pick the wrong door' 'you're mine.
' 'So, which is it, Batman' 'the lady' 'or the tiger?' 'The lady or the tiger?' Will Batman ever see Robin alive again? Will Robin ever see Batman alive again? Will our daring duo escape the claws of the wily Catwoman? The answer to these and many other terrifying questions tomorrow night, same cat time same cat channel.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Ta-da-da-da da-da da-da da Batman
But not everyone.
.
for there is evil afoot in the Gotham City art museum.
What's that? Who's there? I know it was valuable.
But why would they take only that and leave all those other magnificent treasures? I'm as puzzled as you are, commissioner.
Uh, oh, Bonnie, come in, come in.
Oddest looking man left this for you, sir, He said, it was important.
Odd looking? In what way, Bonnie? I'm just not sure, commissioner, he was as jumpy as a cat.
Thank you, thank you, Bonnie.
A kitten.
Look, there's a bit of paper under it's collar.
Yes, newspaper clipping, what do you make of it O'Hara? What? Wait, that's Mark Andrews, the multi-millionaire.
'Owner of the stolen, golden cat.
' And look, one of them has been crossed out.
And those two cats are only a small part of his priceless collection.
Yes, now one was on loan to the museum and the other is at the Gotham City Exposition.
I smell the tracks of a feline predator.
- You mean? - Exactly.
The Catwoman.
I'm afraid this calls for more drastic methods.
It's actually, quite rudimentary, Dick.
You just have to think, Holy rachetskey! Gosh, Bruce.
I think I'll just stick to Latin crossword puzzles.
Ahem.
Yes, Alfred.
The phone, sir.
Well, I didn't hear the phone.
Oh, I.
.
I was just making a call, madam.
Well, and there was someone on the line for Mr.
Wayne.
Oh, yes, that's happened to me too.
We'll finish our snack later, Aunt Harriet.
Yes, commissioner.
'Dreadful news, Catwoman is on the prowl again.
' We're on our way.
To the bat-poles.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Ta da da da Batman And we believe this is just the first of the planned robbery.
Good thinking, commissioner.
Obviously, the Catwoman would not be satisfied with only this.
No, I'm certain this only the first stitch in the large tapestry of crime.
And the clipping? There's a great deal of hidden significance in the fact that just one of the cats is scratched out.
Gosh, I wish Mark Andrews, was here.
I bet he could give us some more info.
'And indeed I can.
' 'Batman, we know that you would want Mr.
Mark Andrews.
' 'We called him to come down to the headquarters.
' - How do you do, Mr.
Andrews? - What a thrill this is, Batman.
I've followed your exploits for years.
Nice meeting you too, Robin.
This clipping indicates that there are two golden cats.
Yes, the second one is at the Gotham City Exposition.
I wouldn't lend any one institution both cats at one time.
Insurance, you know? Yes, I understand.
How long will it be at the Exposition? Until this evening.
If Catwoman is going to steal that one.
- She'll do it tonight.
- Correct, Robin.
There's no time to lose.
Will you wanting any extra police protection? No, thank you, Chief O'Hara.
I certainly don't mean to cast any aspersions on the police department.
'This time I think.
' Robin and I better go at it alone.
Any large contingent of police officers might create unnecessary confusion.
Whatever you say, Batman.
I know it'll be safe with you on the job.
Let's go, Robin.
It just doesn't sound right.
Too easy is it, Robin? First, the cat at the museum.
.
then the cat at the Exposition.
Thenthen.
.
The rest of Mark Andrew's collection.
Holy trickery, you're right.
But I don't understand why Catwoman wouldn't tell us what she's planning.
Maybe to give us a false lead to hide the real crime.
Robin, you haven't fastened your safety bat-belt.
We're only going a couple of blocks.
It won't be long until you're old enough to get a driver's license, Robin.
Then you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles.
Remember, motorist's safety.
Gosh, Batman when you put it that way.
Meanwhile, in a quiet alley in the heart of downtown, Gotham City is a fur warehouse an innocent place of business.
.
or is it? What a beauty, I bet it's worth a small fortune.
A fat lot of good that does is.
She stole it but she won't sell it.
Yeah, I wonder why.
We should get our cut.
Yours is not to reason why.
Yours is to do as I tell you to.
Or you'll keep tasting my cat o' nine tails.
Leo, did you get the books? 'Yes, Catwoman.
' I had to go all the way down to the main library.
But I got every one of them.
Felix, what about the delivery? Smooth as cream, made it without a hitch.
'Good.
' I know that Batman and Robin will swallow the bait.
And when they do.
.
I'll be rid of that dynamic duo once and for all.
Others have tried but failed.
The Catwoman is not like the others.
I'll show you how to clip Batman and Robin's wings.
I will prevail.
Oh, joy success and revenge.
All wrapped up into one sweet package.
We're sorry, Catwoman, we didn't mean to step on your paws.
Hmmdon't do it again.
- Now where are the books? - I'll get them for you.
Each of you know what you have to do, so do it.
And remember this, once we get that other cat the key to untold riches will be ours.
Yes, Catwoman.
Good afternoon, sir.
Trouble? The Catwoman has unsheathed her claws again.
Oh, tsk itch.
Will she never learn? Well the atomic reactor is recharging the Batmobile.
Please help Robin with the auxiliary power channel.
- Time is of the essence.
- Yes, sir.
All set on the auxiliary power channel.
Good.
Solution is ready.
Increase the power to 17,000KW.
Power is 17,000 KW.
That's it.
- All power off.
- All power off.
- Alfred.
- Yes, sir.
Please attach that high-pressure can to the outlet valve.
There.
That will neutralize the dangerous radioactivity and give us the proper amount of emission for our purposes.
And may I enquire, sir, exactly what are your purposes? Of course, Alfred.
It's a defense mechanism in case the Catwoman eludes us tonight and decides to make off with the prize.
You see, we spray this radioactive mist on an object then we trace with the Bat-o-meter with in a radius of 50 miles.
Remarkable.
When dealing with powerful criminal elements one can never be too well prepared.
Let's go.
Batman and Robin, this way please.
Thank you, citizens.
No need for you to wait in line.
You're on official business.
I'd rather not say.
There's no charge for you.
Go right in.
Well, I'd rather pay, just like any other ordinary citizen.
- Yes.
- 'They're here.
' - Excellent.
- This place closes at six.
One of the guys told me, they'll be at the Great Hall of Culture - 'and all alone.
' - Splendid.
'Is everything okay?' Purr-fect.
Well, I for one, just don't like it, that's all.
I mean, dealing with Batman and Robin.
I don't know, it just makes me nervous.
Everything makes you nervous.
Well, I'd feel a lot better if I knew who he really was.
The whole idea of a bat bothers me.
That's exactly what I'd expect from you.
Just enough time for a cat-nap.
Felix, scram.
And have the car parked at the corner at exactly 11, sharp.
Right.
There.
Now we'll be able to trace the radioactivity within a 50 mile radius.
Almost midnight.
- Time to check the exits again.
- I'll do it.
No, Robin, you better let me do it this time.
If you see or hear anything, let me know via bat-communicator.
I'll be back in 3 minutes and 20 seconds.
Right.
Holy cats, a cat.
Help, Batman, help.
What is it, Robin, answer me.
A-ah.
Poor little Robin Did the itty-bitty kitty ruffle your feathers? Din-ding-ding din-ding-ding You, feline devil.
- What have you done with Robin? - Oh.
Is that anyway to greet an old friend, Batman? Not even a "Hello, how are you?".
Meow.
Teach him some manners, fellas.
'Robin.
Old chum.
' Come on, cats, let's get out of here.
What happened? The cat.
Easy now, Robin, you were drugged with cat-o-cor.
A fiendish preparation designed to attack the central nervous system.
Universal drug antidote pills will fix you up post-haste.
Did you get the cat? Yes, Robin, it's just as I planned it.
Now, the Catwoman will herself lead us to her lair and the recovery of both cats.
Batman, the Bat-o-meter is functioning perfectly.
All we do is follow the blip and we're on the trail.
Of course I know, they're on our trail.
They wouldn't be Batman and Robin if they weren't.
Are we set to greet our two pigeons? They're going to get a "hello" they'll never forget.
Good, just make sure nothing goes wrong.
I wouldn't want to miss this opportunity.
'We're ready whenever you are, Catwoman.
' - Felix.
- Yes, Catwoman.
You can brush my pussy willows before you leave.
'And don't go against the fur.
' I'll treat them like they was my very own.
This is it, Robin.
She's in that building.
How can you be sure, Batman? Look up, Robin, the sign on the door "Gato and Chat Fur Company.
" Gato means cat in Spanish and Chat means cat in French.
Only the Catwoman'd choose a hideout with those names.
I'm glad you're upping your foreign languages, Robin.
They come in handy when fighting crime.
Si, si, Batman, what do we do now? There are no entrances and only one door, we have no choice.
We'll use the Bat-beam and the Batmobile.
Why don't we walk right in? That's the door, maybe booby-trap.
We won't take any chances if we use the Bat-beam.
Stand by for Bat-beam.
You're right again, Batman, we might have been killed.
Or worse.
Now, let's go.
The door.
Seems, it would be more difficult getting out of here than it was getting in.
'Good evening, Batman and Robin.
' 'Welcome.
' Good evening, Catwoman.
It seems as if you were expecting us.
'I have a wonderful night planned for you' 'and it starts right now.
' Where are we? 'You are deep in the inner catacombs of this building.
' 'This is the last room you will ever occupy.
' I've heard that song before, Catwoman.
The last few bars are always the same.
The criminal is always behind them.
This is my night to howl, Batman.
Because tonight you are the mice and I am the cat.
The old cat and mouse game is it? 'You have a wonderful way with words, Batman.
' I couldn't have put it any better.
How does it feel to be the quarry for a change, hmm? 'What's the matter? Cat got your tongue?' 'Alright, you've had your laugh, Catwoman.
' - Now what you intend to do is-- - 'Do?' Well.
.
First, I'm gonna give you, two a few pointers.
Holy icepicks! What're we gonna do, Batman? 'Ticklish situation.
Isn't it Batman?' Hit the deck, Robin, I'll get us out of this.
These pointers are made of painted rubber, Robin.
- The old cat and mouse game.
- Exactly.
'But, it was scary for a while, wasn't it, Batman?' 'Meow.
' Your sense of humor leaves me cold, Catwoman.
Felix.
Perhaps, my next idea will warm you up, Batman.
It's quite interesting.
Almost, "cat-aclysmic".
Evil is as evil does.
'Now you have to admit that was funny, Batman.
' Your childish antics lead me to believe you're a kitten not a cat.
'Leo' I'm bored with you, Batman.
The time has come to separate Damon from Pythias.
The cat-alogue is closed.
Say goodbye to each other.
'Bye-bye, Robin.
Your little bird has flown.
' What have you done with him? 'That's for me to know and you to find out.
' You, feline devil.
Tsk tsk and another tsk, Batman.
Why don't you just admit I'm smarter than you are and let it go at that? There's more than one way to skin a catwoman.
'Are you a betting man?' I never gamble.
Well, this time you'll have to because I now have a wager you must accept.
The stake's are your life.
- You leave me no choice.
- 'Ah, but I do.
' 'And that is the sum and substance of the bet.
'In front of you are two doors.
' 'I'm standing behind one of them.
' - And the other? - 'Ah, there's the rub.
' 'Behind the other door is a ferocious Batman eating tiger.
' - So, the odds are even.
- 'Correct.
' 'If you pick the right door' 'I'm yours, Batman.
' 'If you pick the wrong door' 'you're mine.
' 'So, which is it, Batman' 'the lady' 'or the tiger?' 'The lady or the tiger?' Will Batman ever see Robin alive again? Will Robin ever see Batman alive again? Will our daring duo escape the claws of the wily Catwoman? The answer to these and many other terrifying questions tomorrow night, same cat time same cat channel.
Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Batman Ta-da-da-da da-da da-da da Batman