CHiPs (1977) s01e19 Episode Script
Crash Diet
You haven't smiled since we hit the bricks.
I got a premonition.
I can't shake it.
I think we're in for a strange weekend, starting with the afternoon briefing.
When you get a premonition, it's usually about Getraer.
There's physical evidence.
Getraer's been studying some printouts from the big computer.
What kind of computer printout? I don't know.
But I got a feeling something strange is about to happen.
Hey, coach, can't you speed it up a little? If we're not there in 10 minutes, we forfeit the game.
We're coming up to our turnoff.
We'll be there in time.
Just relax and You're not changing here? On the freeway? Sure, why not? Then we'll be ready to play when we get there.
Just drive.
No sign of him.
Oh, boy, the police.
Cover up.
Get under the seats.
You're a little late with your warnings.
- Did he see anything? - He saw everything.
Are you crazy? There's a motorcycle cop following us.
Make that two.
You think you can outrun them in this? I just wanna get to the Center.
We made it.
We've got exactly five minutes to be on the court.
Officer, we have a very important game.
It's the quarterfinals.
If we're not on the court in three It's okay, I just need the driver.
That's me.
Come on, girls.
You know, that wasn't very smart driving, especially with passengers.
I know, but we were late and the girls were suiting up, getting ready.
Getting undressed.
Right, but - I got it.
- Fellas, I was scared.
This team is kind of a hobby for me.
I'm really a teacher at a very conservative private school.
I mean, the headlines would ruin me.
You better learn the law.
You were the only one exposed to public view.
Oh, I like that.
And failure to yield.
That's good.
That's good.
Volleyball seems to be pretty popular at places like this.
It's a good icebreaker.
Everyone's looking up.
But that's social volleyball, this is league competition.
Oh, they have leagues? Oh, yeah.
I volunteered for the laughs.
I never thought they'd win a game.
Undefeated.
Two more wins and we're in the national playoffs.
The nationals get a lot of coverage.
News coverage, that is.
Listen, you keep your mind on the road and on your driving.
- You understand? - Thanks.
Good luck.
It could catch on.
A popular spectator sport.
Never.
No place for the numbers.
You know what we ought to be doing right now? Yeah.
Go on out to the overpass and see if the dirt-thrower left any clues.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I just knew it.
Hey, Getraer looks different but I don't see any computer printouts.
Yeah.
But watch for something off-the-wall with some spin on it.
All right.
Can I have your attention, please? We have three reports of a man throwing objects at vehicles on the freeway.
It seems to be localized in the Topanga area.
Let's maintain a high profile and catch him before he hurts somebody.
Now I've just received the computerized follow-up and the physician's report of the department's quarterly physical.
The statewide results of the tests indicate that I'm quoting here.
"We are losing the battle against an insidious killer a causative agent in heart disease circulatory ailments, strokes.
" The list goes on.
The killer they're talking about is fat.
"Between quarterly physicals the CHP officers examined gained an accumulation of weight equal to that of three fully-dressed motorcycles.
Or 3.
3 ounces per hour of all the time passed in that interval.
" The California Highway Patrol has been ordered to reduce.
Pounds per unit have been computed and quotas have been assigned.
We have ours.
Between now and your next quarterly physical the Central Division of CHP will lose 1000 pounds.
That's it, Getraer lost weight.
He saw this coming.
Hey, look at Grossman.
I think he's in shock.
We're talking about more than just weight loss here.
This is gonna be a comprehensive physical conditioning program.
We'll start with me.
At the last quarterly physical, I weighed 190 pounds, 10 ounces, duty dressed.
I've lost 11 pounds.
That leaves 989 pounds to go.
This computerized report here contains suggestions for individual weight loss.
I'll give those to you now if you'll step up here, please.
You see how computers handle human life? They grind you up and when they spit you out, you're a number.
Come on, Grossie, get your number.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
"Lose a thousand pounds.
" Numbers on a sheet of paper.
No individual consideration.
I mean, look at Grossman.
He's really uptight and worried about it.
Grossie stays fat through everything: His life, a dozen programs like this.
Listen, Grossie survives fat.
Yeah, he finds loopholes.
But this time, he's up against the computer.
Oh, boy.
You see? You see? We're actually on the freeway.
Right.
A freeway.
You know, I never thought I'd make it.
That was the opinion of the driving school, but we showed them.
Yeah.
We sure did.
Let's try a faster lane.
What do you say? Why not? That's good, that's good.
That's confident.
Now, remember, we drive the car, we don't aim it.
Right.
Very good.
Very good.
Oh, my g Hey, look at that.
- Are you okay? - Oh, we're just fine.
He doesn't look all right.
It takes him a few minutes to come out of it.
He's been this way before.
But this time it was my fault.
You were doing fine.
He was doing fine until I startled him.
L.
A.
15, 7 Mary 3, 10-97, 11-82 westbound Glendale at Perdue.
What startled you? As you may have guessed, Brown Eyes, I don't startle easily.
Thank you.
It's important that I inspire confidence in my students.
I try to retain an inner kind of calm.
But when you look up and see a weirdo dressed in rags running at you - I mean, it's difficult not to react.
- It's a normal response.
I'm bursting with normal responses.
If there's anything else you need, let me know.
We'll just forget about this.
Tomorrow, we'll start at the beginning, okay? Tomorrow? Tomorrow.
All right, Grossman, on the scale.
Come on.
Grossman, you gained five pounds.
All right.
Put it down on the desk, huh? That's exactly what you weighed at your last physical.
It's my natural body weight.
Look, sarge.
I've always been a large person.
Look, I don't wanna look at your baby pictures.
Here I am as a kid.
A fat kid.
Hey, that's cute.
The one on the pony.
I don't care about your childhood, Grossman.
But I'm proving a point, sarge.
Here I am in high school, the service just before I got married.
Always large.
Eighteen pounds, Grossman.
- That's the medical opinion.
- Eighteen pounds? Do it for you family, your heart, the good of the department and do it for me, Grossman.
Look, I know it's tough.
But look how much I lost 11 pounds.
You know, sarge, we can all lose more than the computer figures.
- What do you say, five pounds each? - It might help Grossman, you know? Every pound counts.
I'll put you guys down for five extra pounds apiece.
That's a very commendable spirit.
Oh, by the way, sarge, I'm filing another report on the freeway-thrower.
All right.
We're checking all the institutions and hospitals.
I want you guys to pay special attention to this until we put a fix on this guy, all right? - Okay, sarge.
We've had freeway homesteaders before but they don't wanna cause accidents or even be seen.
I don't think this guy wants to hurt anybody.
He'd be throwing rocks.
- What's your theory? - He may even wanna be noticed for sure.
He may even wanna be caught.
That's your theory.
What do you wanna do? Well, Getraer just said, "Give him special attention," right? Let's give him some, huh? Hey, you were in the Boy Scouts.
Do you remember how to read tracks? Tell you what, the first rule is you don't trample the tracks you're trying to read.
That's gotta be the spot where he's been throwing dirt.
Now, he threw at the student driver's car.
Well, we're in the right place.
Yup.
And he knows it.
Let's go.
Let me go! Let me go.
We gotta get out of here.
It's dynamite, it's gonna blow.
Let me up.
Get me up.
- Put me in the cab.
I'll drive it out.
- You can't even see.
- I don't need to.
Put me in the cab.
- Lf that blows, it'll take all these cars.
- Stay here and keep him back.
- All right.
You calm down and keep your hands away from your face, all right? Hey, mister, come here.
Stay with him.
Keep his hands away from his face.
Take him on the shoulder.
- You hurt? - Just a little scared.
You wanna know about scared? I'll give you some lessons.
I thought I told you to stay back with that traffic.
Hey, you know me, impetuous.
That's poor procedure, Ponch.
I mean, risking the lives of two men when one can do the job.
So report me.
I'll see you at the dinner.
You don't wanna tell me what this is about? Later.
I'll pick you up about 10, okay? Come on.
Come on, you can do it.
Come on.
Come on.
That's it.
Okay, that's three.
Let's try another one.
Go on.
All right, come on.
All right, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
Look, I'm counting on you guys.
Five pounds apiece, remember? - Sarge.
- Yeah? Can I talk to you? Yeah, in my office but make it brief.
I'm up to here.
- Hey, Ponch.
- Yeah? Am I any good at my job? It's the only thing I ever wanted to do.
Come on, Grossie, sure, you're good at it.
I guess my performance doesn't count anymore.
Just my weight.
Lighten up, okay? We'll get your weight down.
No, I think it's too much this time.
I think I've been sabotaged by that computer.
Look, you ever tried jogging? - Jogging? - Yeah.
Getraer does it every morning.
I'll tell you what.
The four of us'll meet tomorrow morning one hour before duty.
I'll help you out.
- Hey, Ponch? - Yeah? How about dinner? Carol has a class tonight.
Assertiveness training.
Well, I got a date for dinner, then I'm meeting Jon.
All right, I'll sit and watch you eat if you're looking for company, okay? - Terrific.
- All right.
A man who throws objects at vehicles has to be treated for what he is, a menace.
He's a human menace.
He's gotta be stopped by a person.
That's what we're out there for, isn't it? - Fine, if we can get close to him.
- Well, get close to him.
Yeah, Sergeant Getraer.
He did? All right.
I might come up with something good.
Save lives, save the taxpayers money.
No brainstorms, huh, Frank? Sergeant Getraer, returning the captain's call.
But we should get close to him.
Fine, but would you give me some breathing room while I talk? Yeah.
Captain, this is Sergeant Getraer.
You sure Jon'll go along with this? It's not our kind of duty.
He'll go along when I tell him about it.
This kind of duty, the computer can't do.
I got it all wired in with Getraer.
- What's your plan? - Wherever he's hiding he's gotta get hungry.
We're going out there tonight, so maybe we can be there in the morning.
Maybe we can grab him when he comes looking for something to eat.
- Wanna come along? - No.
But speaking of food want some salad? No, thanks.
- I don't wanna spoil my supper.
- I'll get the check.
Good, I'll get the tip.
Hey, man.
- He's a cop.
- Okay.
- He's trying to help.
- All right.
The guy is choking.
He's trying to save him.
Okay, okay.
I can breathe now.
- I'm all right.
Thank you, man.
- That's all right.
- Hey, we feel like fools.
- Well, that's how you guys acted.
- The guy's a friend of ours.
- So you nearly cost him his life.
Thought your buddy was beating up on him.
It's called the Heimlich Method.
Why don't you guys learn it, huh? Hey, Ponch, I can't sleep in this shoebox.
Ponch.
Hey, Ponch, wake up.
I'm not sleeping, I'm not sleeping.
I heard every word you said.
I think we're parked in the wrong place.
We've been here for hours.
It don't seem that long.
Yeah, well, it does if you're awake.
This isn't our job anyway.
- They'll find him with ground search.
- Ground search is expensive, Jon.
He might kill somebody before the computers found him dangerous enough to put the money into it.
Okay, okay.
Listen, could you just stay awake and help me pass the time? Okay, partner, sure.
Ponch.
I'm awake, I'm awake.
Wait a minute, friend.
Just relax.
Just relax, okay? We're here to help you.
We can't talk to you unless we know your name, okay? - What's your name? - Leonard.
I'm Ponch, Leonard.
This is my friend, Jon.
- You don't come after me.
- Okay, okay.
All right.
Relax, all right? We'll do it your way.
Like friends, right? My friends are on the great big lawn.
I was reading the stones and I got lost.
Leonard, where do you go when you're not with friends? Leonard.
- I mean, you live in a house? - In my room.
And once they locked it on me.
- That's too bad, Leonard.
- I said, stay in the car! Okay, all right, Leonard.
Leonard, listen to me.
We're here to take you anywhere you wanna go.
Leonard.
Wait a minute, Ponch.
This is his own turf.
Yeah, forget it.
We don't stand a chance.
I wouldn't jog a yard this morning if I hadn't promised Grossman.
Hey, you know the stones Leonard was reading? - I got a thought that - Hey.
Good morning, sarge.
Never mind the "good morning," you already said that to me at 4 a.
m.
When you woke me up.
We didn't know you were gonna get sore.
I mean, it was your idea.
What do you mean, my idea? If you wanna give me the credit But you said, "Get close to him.
" Remember? I never ordered any moonlight monkeyshines, and you know it.
Listen, we found Leonard.
I mean, that's the important thing.
The important thing is that you lost him.
Look, if you guys wanna play detective games on your time off that's your hang-up.
But to call me up in the middle of the night to tell me that you goofed it, that's too much.
Yeah, but we did get his name.
I mean, you could've called L.
A.
P.
D.
Yourself.
I mean, why wake me up and ask me to do it? This way you'd get the credit, sarge.
I don't need the credit, I need my sleep.
Listen, sarge.
You know the stones Leonard was reading? We think they were in a cemetery.
And the biggest cemetery in the area is near the VA Hospital at Sawtelle.
Yeah, well, the hospital's been checked.
Yeah, but he might have friends there, though.
He might even live nearby.
Yeah, well, I suggested that to the L.
A.
P.
D at 4: 15 this morning.
Morning.
This was a great idea.
Good sleep, light breakfast, vitamins.
Let's roll.
I'll take it easy till you guys loosen up.
Come on.
Hey, come on, you guys.
I'm not doing this alone.
- There's all kinds of exercise, you know? - Yeah.
If we can't keep up with Grossman, I guess we're doing the wrong kind.
- Hey, they're coming over here.
- You short a few players, I hope? You guys any good? Well, just for exercise.
But it's only a game, right? - Okay, Carol? - Okay.
I'm Ponch, this is Jon.
Hi.
So when's your game at the Center? I knew we'd seen you guys before.
Linda, these are the two highway patrolmen.
Oh, yeah, you guys look so different out of your uniforms.
Yeah, you too.
- Listen, we were just doing - Just doing your job.
Yeah, well, we lost the game and we're out of the league.
And the team has broken up, so How about one of you guys each side of the net, okay? Yeah, great.
Hey, listen, don't be too hard on them, huh? No, come on, don't be so chauvinistic.
Let's make them earn their points.
- Let's go.
- Hit it.
- Move! - I got it! Come on, put it up.
I got it.
- Good girl.
- Get it! - Wait, wait.
- Come on.
Over here.
There you go.
Over here, over here.
Here it comes.
- We gotta go, girls.
- Oh, are you guys leaving? - Yeah.
- Duty calls, right? If we make the team, we'll be working out here.
- You want an audience? - Come on.
You had to know we were good.
No hard feelings, okay? - Okay, see you later.
- All right.
- See you around.
Goodbye.
- Ciao.
- Bye.
- Bye.
What happened to you guys? A little volleyball lesson, sarge.
Yeah, you guys teaching volleyball now, huh? What next? - Let's hit it.
Let's go.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Come on.
Leonard is a part-time patient at the VA Hospital at Sawtelle.
See, he lives with his sister about two blocks away.
I've been treating him for years.
She reported him missing three days ago.
We don't usually handle missing persons.
- But, well, under the circumstances - I understand.
He hates cars because his wife was killed on the freeway.
He was driving.
He took a head wound in Vietnam and had just recovered when the accident happened.
Once in a while, he goes around the bend.
Does he wanna be found or does he wanna stay lost? What he wants is help.
I think I can bring him in.
He disappeared just about right down there.
All right.
Stay out of sight.
Leonard.
Leonard, it's Doc.
Come on, let's go home, Leonard.
Doc.
Oh, Leonard.
All right.
All right, Leonard.
I hate the cars.
They killed her.
You know that, it was a car that killed my wife.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Let's go home.
No.
No, no.
Wait a minute.
I'm all right.
Go get him.
Stop him, please.
I gotta stop the cars.
Don't.
I gotta stop the cars.
- No, no.
Leonard.
- My wife! Leonard, stop it! Stop it, now.
Seven pound weight loss.
V ery good.
We're right on target.
Okay, up on the scales.
You guys know what to do now, don't you? - Yeah.
Where'd you find it? - An x-ray supply house.
- I have to return it.
- You may end up wearing it.
Grossman, you're next.
Let's listen up, huh? - Okay, how do you feel? Better, huh? - I feel a little weak, sarge.
Okay you lost eight pounds.
Your goal was 18 pounds.
You can't say I didn't try.
Yeah.
Okay, Baker, Poncherello, it's up to you guys.
Five extra pounds apiece, remember? Well, 175.
Read it and weep.
Perfect.
I appreciate that.
Okay, Frank, we're down to you.
Up on the scales.
For a guy in great shape, this wasn't easy.
One hundred and eighty pounds, on the nose.
We did it, 1000 pounds.
I hope your computer has a nervous breakdown.
Yeah, well, so do I.
Just let me figure this up one more time.
Let's see, 971.
Grossman's eight is 979.
You guys, 10, 989.
My 11 pounds, 1000 pounds.
Hold it, sarge, that 11 pounds was last week.
- What counts is today's weight.
- That's right, sarge.
Proof is what you guys want, proof is what you'll get.
Excuse me, Frank, out of the way.
I don't understand.
Looks like you gained 10 pounds, sarge.
Yeah, it's up from 179 to 189.
Sergeant, how could you? I don't understand.
I got a premonition.
I can't shake it.
I think we're in for a strange weekend, starting with the afternoon briefing.
When you get a premonition, it's usually about Getraer.
There's physical evidence.
Getraer's been studying some printouts from the big computer.
What kind of computer printout? I don't know.
But I got a feeling something strange is about to happen.
Hey, coach, can't you speed it up a little? If we're not there in 10 minutes, we forfeit the game.
We're coming up to our turnoff.
We'll be there in time.
Just relax and You're not changing here? On the freeway? Sure, why not? Then we'll be ready to play when we get there.
Just drive.
No sign of him.
Oh, boy, the police.
Cover up.
Get under the seats.
You're a little late with your warnings.
- Did he see anything? - He saw everything.
Are you crazy? There's a motorcycle cop following us.
Make that two.
You think you can outrun them in this? I just wanna get to the Center.
We made it.
We've got exactly five minutes to be on the court.
Officer, we have a very important game.
It's the quarterfinals.
If we're not on the court in three It's okay, I just need the driver.
That's me.
Come on, girls.
You know, that wasn't very smart driving, especially with passengers.
I know, but we were late and the girls were suiting up, getting ready.
Getting undressed.
Right, but - I got it.
- Fellas, I was scared.
This team is kind of a hobby for me.
I'm really a teacher at a very conservative private school.
I mean, the headlines would ruin me.
You better learn the law.
You were the only one exposed to public view.
Oh, I like that.
And failure to yield.
That's good.
That's good.
Volleyball seems to be pretty popular at places like this.
It's a good icebreaker.
Everyone's looking up.
But that's social volleyball, this is league competition.
Oh, they have leagues? Oh, yeah.
I volunteered for the laughs.
I never thought they'd win a game.
Undefeated.
Two more wins and we're in the national playoffs.
The nationals get a lot of coverage.
News coverage, that is.
Listen, you keep your mind on the road and on your driving.
- You understand? - Thanks.
Good luck.
It could catch on.
A popular spectator sport.
Never.
No place for the numbers.
You know what we ought to be doing right now? Yeah.
Go on out to the overpass and see if the dirt-thrower left any clues.
I knew you were gonna say that.
I just knew it.
Hey, Getraer looks different but I don't see any computer printouts.
Yeah.
But watch for something off-the-wall with some spin on it.
All right.
Can I have your attention, please? We have three reports of a man throwing objects at vehicles on the freeway.
It seems to be localized in the Topanga area.
Let's maintain a high profile and catch him before he hurts somebody.
Now I've just received the computerized follow-up and the physician's report of the department's quarterly physical.
The statewide results of the tests indicate that I'm quoting here.
"We are losing the battle against an insidious killer a causative agent in heart disease circulatory ailments, strokes.
" The list goes on.
The killer they're talking about is fat.
"Between quarterly physicals the CHP officers examined gained an accumulation of weight equal to that of three fully-dressed motorcycles.
Or 3.
3 ounces per hour of all the time passed in that interval.
" The California Highway Patrol has been ordered to reduce.
Pounds per unit have been computed and quotas have been assigned.
We have ours.
Between now and your next quarterly physical the Central Division of CHP will lose 1000 pounds.
That's it, Getraer lost weight.
He saw this coming.
Hey, look at Grossman.
I think he's in shock.
We're talking about more than just weight loss here.
This is gonna be a comprehensive physical conditioning program.
We'll start with me.
At the last quarterly physical, I weighed 190 pounds, 10 ounces, duty dressed.
I've lost 11 pounds.
That leaves 989 pounds to go.
This computerized report here contains suggestions for individual weight loss.
I'll give those to you now if you'll step up here, please.
You see how computers handle human life? They grind you up and when they spit you out, you're a number.
Come on, Grossie, get your number.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
"Lose a thousand pounds.
" Numbers on a sheet of paper.
No individual consideration.
I mean, look at Grossman.
He's really uptight and worried about it.
Grossie stays fat through everything: His life, a dozen programs like this.
Listen, Grossie survives fat.
Yeah, he finds loopholes.
But this time, he's up against the computer.
Oh, boy.
You see? You see? We're actually on the freeway.
Right.
A freeway.
You know, I never thought I'd make it.
That was the opinion of the driving school, but we showed them.
Yeah.
We sure did.
Let's try a faster lane.
What do you say? Why not? That's good, that's good.
That's confident.
Now, remember, we drive the car, we don't aim it.
Right.
Very good.
Very good.
Oh, my g Hey, look at that.
- Are you okay? - Oh, we're just fine.
He doesn't look all right.
It takes him a few minutes to come out of it.
He's been this way before.
But this time it was my fault.
You were doing fine.
He was doing fine until I startled him.
L.
A.
15, 7 Mary 3, 10-97, 11-82 westbound Glendale at Perdue.
What startled you? As you may have guessed, Brown Eyes, I don't startle easily.
Thank you.
It's important that I inspire confidence in my students.
I try to retain an inner kind of calm.
But when you look up and see a weirdo dressed in rags running at you - I mean, it's difficult not to react.
- It's a normal response.
I'm bursting with normal responses.
If there's anything else you need, let me know.
We'll just forget about this.
Tomorrow, we'll start at the beginning, okay? Tomorrow? Tomorrow.
All right, Grossman, on the scale.
Come on.
Grossman, you gained five pounds.
All right.
Put it down on the desk, huh? That's exactly what you weighed at your last physical.
It's my natural body weight.
Look, sarge.
I've always been a large person.
Look, I don't wanna look at your baby pictures.
Here I am as a kid.
A fat kid.
Hey, that's cute.
The one on the pony.
I don't care about your childhood, Grossman.
But I'm proving a point, sarge.
Here I am in high school, the service just before I got married.
Always large.
Eighteen pounds, Grossman.
- That's the medical opinion.
- Eighteen pounds? Do it for you family, your heart, the good of the department and do it for me, Grossman.
Look, I know it's tough.
But look how much I lost 11 pounds.
You know, sarge, we can all lose more than the computer figures.
- What do you say, five pounds each? - It might help Grossman, you know? Every pound counts.
I'll put you guys down for five extra pounds apiece.
That's a very commendable spirit.
Oh, by the way, sarge, I'm filing another report on the freeway-thrower.
All right.
We're checking all the institutions and hospitals.
I want you guys to pay special attention to this until we put a fix on this guy, all right? - Okay, sarge.
We've had freeway homesteaders before but they don't wanna cause accidents or even be seen.
I don't think this guy wants to hurt anybody.
He'd be throwing rocks.
- What's your theory? - He may even wanna be noticed for sure.
He may even wanna be caught.
That's your theory.
What do you wanna do? Well, Getraer just said, "Give him special attention," right? Let's give him some, huh? Hey, you were in the Boy Scouts.
Do you remember how to read tracks? Tell you what, the first rule is you don't trample the tracks you're trying to read.
That's gotta be the spot where he's been throwing dirt.
Now, he threw at the student driver's car.
Well, we're in the right place.
Yup.
And he knows it.
Let's go.
Let me go! Let me go.
We gotta get out of here.
It's dynamite, it's gonna blow.
Let me up.
Get me up.
- Put me in the cab.
I'll drive it out.
- You can't even see.
- I don't need to.
Put me in the cab.
- Lf that blows, it'll take all these cars.
- Stay here and keep him back.
- All right.
You calm down and keep your hands away from your face, all right? Hey, mister, come here.
Stay with him.
Keep his hands away from his face.
Take him on the shoulder.
- You hurt? - Just a little scared.
You wanna know about scared? I'll give you some lessons.
I thought I told you to stay back with that traffic.
Hey, you know me, impetuous.
That's poor procedure, Ponch.
I mean, risking the lives of two men when one can do the job.
So report me.
I'll see you at the dinner.
You don't wanna tell me what this is about? Later.
I'll pick you up about 10, okay? Come on.
Come on, you can do it.
Come on.
Come on.
That's it.
Okay, that's three.
Let's try another one.
Go on.
All right, come on.
All right, come on.
Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
All right.
Look, I'm counting on you guys.
Five pounds apiece, remember? - Sarge.
- Yeah? Can I talk to you? Yeah, in my office but make it brief.
I'm up to here.
- Hey, Ponch.
- Yeah? Am I any good at my job? It's the only thing I ever wanted to do.
Come on, Grossie, sure, you're good at it.
I guess my performance doesn't count anymore.
Just my weight.
Lighten up, okay? We'll get your weight down.
No, I think it's too much this time.
I think I've been sabotaged by that computer.
Look, you ever tried jogging? - Jogging? - Yeah.
Getraer does it every morning.
I'll tell you what.
The four of us'll meet tomorrow morning one hour before duty.
I'll help you out.
- Hey, Ponch? - Yeah? How about dinner? Carol has a class tonight.
Assertiveness training.
Well, I got a date for dinner, then I'm meeting Jon.
All right, I'll sit and watch you eat if you're looking for company, okay? - Terrific.
- All right.
A man who throws objects at vehicles has to be treated for what he is, a menace.
He's a human menace.
He's gotta be stopped by a person.
That's what we're out there for, isn't it? - Fine, if we can get close to him.
- Well, get close to him.
Yeah, Sergeant Getraer.
He did? All right.
I might come up with something good.
Save lives, save the taxpayers money.
No brainstorms, huh, Frank? Sergeant Getraer, returning the captain's call.
But we should get close to him.
Fine, but would you give me some breathing room while I talk? Yeah.
Captain, this is Sergeant Getraer.
You sure Jon'll go along with this? It's not our kind of duty.
He'll go along when I tell him about it.
This kind of duty, the computer can't do.
I got it all wired in with Getraer.
- What's your plan? - Wherever he's hiding he's gotta get hungry.
We're going out there tonight, so maybe we can be there in the morning.
Maybe we can grab him when he comes looking for something to eat.
- Wanna come along? - No.
But speaking of food want some salad? No, thanks.
- I don't wanna spoil my supper.
- I'll get the check.
Good, I'll get the tip.
Hey, man.
- He's a cop.
- Okay.
- He's trying to help.
- All right.
The guy is choking.
He's trying to save him.
Okay, okay.
I can breathe now.
- I'm all right.
Thank you, man.
- That's all right.
- Hey, we feel like fools.
- Well, that's how you guys acted.
- The guy's a friend of ours.
- So you nearly cost him his life.
Thought your buddy was beating up on him.
It's called the Heimlich Method.
Why don't you guys learn it, huh? Hey, Ponch, I can't sleep in this shoebox.
Ponch.
Hey, Ponch, wake up.
I'm not sleeping, I'm not sleeping.
I heard every word you said.
I think we're parked in the wrong place.
We've been here for hours.
It don't seem that long.
Yeah, well, it does if you're awake.
This isn't our job anyway.
- They'll find him with ground search.
- Ground search is expensive, Jon.
He might kill somebody before the computers found him dangerous enough to put the money into it.
Okay, okay.
Listen, could you just stay awake and help me pass the time? Okay, partner, sure.
Ponch.
I'm awake, I'm awake.
Wait a minute, friend.
Just relax.
Just relax, okay? We're here to help you.
We can't talk to you unless we know your name, okay? - What's your name? - Leonard.
I'm Ponch, Leonard.
This is my friend, Jon.
- You don't come after me.
- Okay, okay.
All right.
Relax, all right? We'll do it your way.
Like friends, right? My friends are on the great big lawn.
I was reading the stones and I got lost.
Leonard, where do you go when you're not with friends? Leonard.
- I mean, you live in a house? - In my room.
And once they locked it on me.
- That's too bad, Leonard.
- I said, stay in the car! Okay, all right, Leonard.
Leonard, listen to me.
We're here to take you anywhere you wanna go.
Leonard.
Wait a minute, Ponch.
This is his own turf.
Yeah, forget it.
We don't stand a chance.
I wouldn't jog a yard this morning if I hadn't promised Grossman.
Hey, you know the stones Leonard was reading? - I got a thought that - Hey.
Good morning, sarge.
Never mind the "good morning," you already said that to me at 4 a.
m.
When you woke me up.
We didn't know you were gonna get sore.
I mean, it was your idea.
What do you mean, my idea? If you wanna give me the credit But you said, "Get close to him.
" Remember? I never ordered any moonlight monkeyshines, and you know it.
Listen, we found Leonard.
I mean, that's the important thing.
The important thing is that you lost him.
Look, if you guys wanna play detective games on your time off that's your hang-up.
But to call me up in the middle of the night to tell me that you goofed it, that's too much.
Yeah, but we did get his name.
I mean, you could've called L.
A.
P.
D.
Yourself.
I mean, why wake me up and ask me to do it? This way you'd get the credit, sarge.
I don't need the credit, I need my sleep.
Listen, sarge.
You know the stones Leonard was reading? We think they were in a cemetery.
And the biggest cemetery in the area is near the VA Hospital at Sawtelle.
Yeah, well, the hospital's been checked.
Yeah, but he might have friends there, though.
He might even live nearby.
Yeah, well, I suggested that to the L.
A.
P.
D at 4: 15 this morning.
Morning.
This was a great idea.
Good sleep, light breakfast, vitamins.
Let's roll.
I'll take it easy till you guys loosen up.
Come on.
Hey, come on, you guys.
I'm not doing this alone.
- There's all kinds of exercise, you know? - Yeah.
If we can't keep up with Grossman, I guess we're doing the wrong kind.
- Hey, they're coming over here.
- You short a few players, I hope? You guys any good? Well, just for exercise.
But it's only a game, right? - Okay, Carol? - Okay.
I'm Ponch, this is Jon.
Hi.
So when's your game at the Center? I knew we'd seen you guys before.
Linda, these are the two highway patrolmen.
Oh, yeah, you guys look so different out of your uniforms.
Yeah, you too.
- Listen, we were just doing - Just doing your job.
Yeah, well, we lost the game and we're out of the league.
And the team has broken up, so How about one of you guys each side of the net, okay? Yeah, great.
Hey, listen, don't be too hard on them, huh? No, come on, don't be so chauvinistic.
Let's make them earn their points.
- Let's go.
- Hit it.
- Move! - I got it! Come on, put it up.
I got it.
- Good girl.
- Get it! - Wait, wait.
- Come on.
Over here.
There you go.
Over here, over here.
Here it comes.
- We gotta go, girls.
- Oh, are you guys leaving? - Yeah.
- Duty calls, right? If we make the team, we'll be working out here.
- You want an audience? - Come on.
You had to know we were good.
No hard feelings, okay? - Okay, see you later.
- All right.
- See you around.
Goodbye.
- Ciao.
- Bye.
- Bye.
What happened to you guys? A little volleyball lesson, sarge.
Yeah, you guys teaching volleyball now, huh? What next? - Let's hit it.
Let's go.
- Yeah.
Come on.
Come on.
Leonard is a part-time patient at the VA Hospital at Sawtelle.
See, he lives with his sister about two blocks away.
I've been treating him for years.
She reported him missing three days ago.
We don't usually handle missing persons.
- But, well, under the circumstances - I understand.
He hates cars because his wife was killed on the freeway.
He was driving.
He took a head wound in Vietnam and had just recovered when the accident happened.
Once in a while, he goes around the bend.
Does he wanna be found or does he wanna stay lost? What he wants is help.
I think I can bring him in.
He disappeared just about right down there.
All right.
Stay out of sight.
Leonard.
Leonard, it's Doc.
Come on, let's go home, Leonard.
Doc.
Oh, Leonard.
All right.
All right, Leonard.
I hate the cars.
They killed her.
You know that, it was a car that killed my wife.
Everything's gonna be all right.
Let's go home.
No.
No, no.
Wait a minute.
I'm all right.
Go get him.
Stop him, please.
I gotta stop the cars.
Don't.
I gotta stop the cars.
- No, no.
Leonard.
- My wife! Leonard, stop it! Stop it, now.
Seven pound weight loss.
V ery good.
We're right on target.
Okay, up on the scales.
You guys know what to do now, don't you? - Yeah.
Where'd you find it? - An x-ray supply house.
- I have to return it.
- You may end up wearing it.
Grossman, you're next.
Let's listen up, huh? - Okay, how do you feel? Better, huh? - I feel a little weak, sarge.
Okay you lost eight pounds.
Your goal was 18 pounds.
You can't say I didn't try.
Yeah.
Okay, Baker, Poncherello, it's up to you guys.
Five extra pounds apiece, remember? Well, 175.
Read it and weep.
Perfect.
I appreciate that.
Okay, Frank, we're down to you.
Up on the scales.
For a guy in great shape, this wasn't easy.
One hundred and eighty pounds, on the nose.
We did it, 1000 pounds.
I hope your computer has a nervous breakdown.
Yeah, well, so do I.
Just let me figure this up one more time.
Let's see, 971.
Grossman's eight is 979.
You guys, 10, 989.
My 11 pounds, 1000 pounds.
Hold it, sarge, that 11 pounds was last week.
- What counts is today's weight.
- That's right, sarge.
Proof is what you guys want, proof is what you'll get.
Excuse me, Frank, out of the way.
I don't understand.
Looks like you gained 10 pounds, sarge.
Yeah, it's up from 179 to 189.
Sergeant, how could you? I don't understand.