Cristela (2014) s01e19 Episode Script

I just dried these jeans.
Hey, I need to stretch them.
It's like yoga for fat people.
What are you doing? My pants are too short.
Doesn't work for everything.
You're getting so big.
Don't grow too much while I'm gone.
Your corporate training is one day.
And by the way, that's what kids do, they grow.
Hmm.
Not my Uncle Pepito.
His whole life, never been on a roller coaster.
Daniela, the kids will be fine.
I'll be here.
Ama will be here.
I'll be here, too.
Like I said, I'll be here.
Ama will be here.
Hey, I can take care of the kids, all right? I am their father.
Oh.
Of course you can, mi Amor.
You can do anything.
Cris, you'll be home on time tomorrow, right? Why do you guys think I can't take care of my own kids? Because we've never seen you do it.
Maybe I shouldn't go.
Hey, don't be silly.
Ama and I will both be here.
We got this.
I don't "got this.
" I'll be at the church fair! Felix can handle it.
He'll be fine.
Thank you, Natalia.
Mm, just remember who stuck up for you if these two try to put me in a home.
The nuns are having a bake sale, and I have to go judge.
Oh.
I didn't know it was a contest.
It's not.
I just like to judge.
I'm making my tres leches cake this year.
We'll show Juanita Canales.
Why do you let Juanita get to you? Every year, you try to beat her.
Every year, you don't.
I've never made my tres leches for the church before.
I will sell my cake faster than hers And crush her! Hey, that doesn't sound very Christian.
Mija, I am volunteering to show the big man upstairs that I adore him with all my heart.
And if Juanita gets crushed along the way, eh, then it's God's will.
Okay, if ama's gonna be gone all day, then you have to make it home on time.
Oh, for the last time, I can take care of my own children! Maddie, you just getting in? No.
I was here yesterday.
I'm gonna need the work that you and Cristela did, checking the housing values on that eminent domain case.
Here's my half, sir.
Triple-checked, collated, and alphabetized.
And I'm almost done proofing that brief you're not gonna realize you need until next week.
Maddie.
Where's yours? That is a great question.
Um I'm almost done.
Wait.
Can you remind me what the thing is that I'm totally in the middle of doing? You were supposed to check on the value of all the houses on the list that the developer wants bulldozed.
Aw.
That's sad.
Maddie, how much longer do you need to finish? Well, I am almost on the homestretch.
But first, I need to finish the middle part and also Start it.
Cristela, my office.
Uh I know people confuse us But I think you meant, "Maddie, my office.
" You.
Now! Hmm! Looks like somebody's in trouble! When I teamed you up with Maddie, I was hoping the work ethic that your people are known for would rub off.
By "your people," I hope you mean "Star Trek" fans.
Maybe I failed her as a parent.
I thought I was doing the right thing, you know, working long hours and throwing money at her problems.
I even upgraded her mother not just once, but twice.
- Maddie gave great reviews on mom 3.
0.
- Mm.
You know, I-I know she's not perfect, but you're being hard on yourself.
Well, she's never here.
And when she is, she doesn't do anything.
Well, what motivates you, Cristela? Starvation.
That wouldn't work with Maddie.
She'd think it's just a diet.
Maybe I should have been harder on her.
My daddy didn't do squat for me.
Hmm, I wish my dad had done squat, but he done fled.
Your Texas accent is coming along right nice.
I know why you called me in here, sir.
You and I, we're self-starters.
We're both from nothing, and now we're here.
Well, I'm here.
You still got nothing.
Well, hopefully one day that'll change.
My point is, people like Maddie, they just need a little push.
You know, li Like when Kirk encouraged Spock to be more human, remember? No.
I went to my prom.
Nice burn.
Vulcan high five! Okay.
Why don't you let me work with her on this assignment? You know, I-if she just has someone to believe in her, she'll apply herself.
Fine.
If you think you can do in one night what I couldn't in 25 years, well, may the force be with you.
You know that's "Star Wars," right? There's a difference? Out of all the things you've ever said to me, that was the most offensive.
I can't believe you were late.
Well, the important thing is, I picked you up.
How could you go to the wrong school? The important thing is to never tell anyone about this, okay? So, dad, what are we eating? We always have a snack after school.
Okay, um What kind of snacks do we usually have? Fruit.
Ice cream.
We have ice cream.
Do not blow this for me.
Ice cream it is.
Cinco leches.
I bring in three leches.
Juanita brings in five.
That sounds really good.
What, what, what is going on here? Dad's forcing us to eat ice cream.
I'm giving the kids a snack.
But not ice cream.
No.
Of course not ice cream.
I was gonna give them the, um Uh carrot sticks? Carrot sticks.
Hey, dad, I need you to sign this permission slip so I can see a movie in school.
"Your changing body"? Uh Not until I say so.
What's it about? Stuff you don't need to know about until you are married.
And even then, you shouldn't know too much.
Okay, you're welcome to stay.
But I'm taking care of the kids, all right? Okay.
I'm helping Izzy with the constitution.
It's the declaration of independence, dad.
Okay.
And, and those are two different things? - Yes.
- Yes.
Good thing we're good-looking, dad.
Kind of excited to be working with Maddie.
Oh.
Love a challenge.
Yeah, I prefer to work solo.
Lone wolf.
El lobo blanco.
Uh, el lobo super blanco.
So, how do you, uh, how do you plan on getting through to Maddie? I'm gonna be crazy positive with her.
When Maddie gets excited about something, she does it.
So, how are you gonna get her excited? I don't know.
I'll tell her about a sale.
Something with a puppy.
I don't know.
Oh! Close, close, close, close, close! Wrong floor! Wrong floor! Wrong floor! Maddie! Hey! What are you guys still doing here? Uh, waiting for you! Thank you.
And now it's quitting time.
Come on.
I'll walk you out.
No, Maddie.
Come here! Come here! I want to tell you about something that is so exciting! Ah! What is it?! It's one of the hottest trends that is sweeping the nation.
Ooh! Oh, my gosh.
Millions of people do it every day, and you're about to become one of them! Oh, my God! Yeah! Okay, tell me! Tell me! I want to do it! Aah! It's called work! Oh! "Work, work, work.
I am Cristela, and all I do is work.
" That's cool.
But that is not what I sound like.
Ohh.
That is totally what you sound like.
Why are you still here? Oh, I kind of like to be the last person to leave.
You know, that way I don't feel like anyone's getting ahead of me.
"I'm Josh.
I'm paranoid, and I have to stay here.
" Well, this feels like it's gonna be a really fun night for all of us.
Okay.
"A" through "G" are done.
How are you doing with "H" through "L"? Wait.
You're doing "A" through "G"? Tell me you didn't do them, too.
Oh, no.
I was just confused, so I didn't do either.
O-okay, so, uh What have you been doing for the last hour? I have been working on our team logo.
Okay.
And now, uh, back to the list of things, aah, we've got to get done.
Mm.
Who's excited to work? Mm, Cristela, I don't know if you can tell or not, but I don't really want to do this.
Sure, you do.
- No, I don't think so.
- I think so.
Oh.
What is your deal? I mean, we never do anything fun around here.
You're looking at this the wrong way.
This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
Sure, the grind is now, but, like, eventually we'll become attorneys, - work on important cases - Mm.
And change the world.
And there's air-conditioning.
Oh.
I know it's an opportunity, blah, blah, blah.
It's just I have a hard time doing anything when I'm not enjoying myself.
Okay.
Okay.
Uh, well How can we make this more enjoyable for you? We can make it a game.
Ah! Okay! Okay.
Yeah.
Um, uh, w-we'll make it a contest.
Oh, oh, oh! A race! Uh, I'll start working.
You start working.
We'll see who finishes first! Ah! Wait.
I was thinking "truth or dare.
" A-and, uh, how does playing a-a junior-high game help us right now? I just feel like I should get to know you better.
Well, we're not dating.
But okay.
Yes! And then we bear down.
Okay.
Hey, Josh! Get in here! This is gonna be fun! Truth! Truth, I doubt it! Dad, this looks awesome.
Thanks.
I want to get a better grade than Kyla Spencer.
She just copies stuff she finds online and thinks no one knows.
Everybody knows, stupid.
Everybody knows.
Izzy.
Where did you learn to speak like that? Juanita thinks I don't know she cheats at bingo.
Everybody knows, stupid.
Everybody knows.
Of course.
Hey, dad, I know you don't want me to see that movie, but it turns out this is a permission slip for me to not watch the movie.
Oh.
Okay.
See? That's why you have to read things very carefully.
- You need a glass of water? - No.
No! Ohh.
Nice try, amigo.
Henry, shame on you for trying to trick your father.
Ama! Do not blow this for me! Go! Go! And that is why I can never go back to new Mexico again.
Ha! Well, I can't go to Arizona, but that's for a different reason.
Come on.
I think we've learned enough about each other.
Work time.
No! No, no, no, no, no.
It's my turn.
I pick dare.
Ooh.
I dare you to not be the last person in the office.
No problem.
See you guys later.
I'm out of here.
Okay, Cristela.
Your turn.
Truth or dare? Truth.
What's something that you've never told anyone? Sometimes I wear maternity clothes So that my friends will tell me I've lost weight.
Aw! It's not supposed to be super-sad "truth or dare.
" All right, Maddie.
Truth or dare? Hmm truth.
If you hate being here so much, then why are you here? I mean dare.
Fine.
I dare you to work.
I take that back.
Truth.
Come on.
I can't get you to focus on a game you chose? You know what? I'm done with this.
But we're having fun! I'm not having fun! I'm not the Spock to your Kirk.
I am the Spock to your Ceti Alpha V.
It's a lifeless planet.
Oh, my God! Does no one watch "Star Trek"?! It's because of my dad.
What? That's why I'm here.
Growing up, all my dad cared about was "lawyerin'.
" I guess that part of me just thought if I cared about it, too, then maybe he'd care about me.
Maddie, he does.
He gave you this internship.
You know, if you really care about him, you should at least try.
I couldn't leave.
I don't know why I'm so disappointed.
What was I expecting? The lone wolf gets it.
Just let it all out.
It was dumb to think that I could get through to her.
A-and now I have to do it all myself.
I'll, I'll help you.
W-what do you need? It's getting late.
I think we've established I'm not going anywhere.
Oh, wait.
Look.
She's working.
Oh, my God.
She is.
Stay very, very still.
We don't want to startle her.
How did it go? Juanita's cake It made so much money for the church.
It was a terrible night! Are the kids in bed? Yes.
Hey, dad.
That's not bed.
Dad, the kids will make fun of me if I have to stand in the hallway while they watch the movie.
They're gonna know stuff I don't.
Henry this is all you need to know, when we're all at church No one talks to Juanita! Come here, mijo.
Sit down.
Your dad can teach you way more about being a man than any movie.
First, always work like someone's watching.
Second, shave down first Then up.
Do I have a little? I think I see a couple.
And, third, but most important, treat all women like you treat your mother.
Oh, get a cough drop! Wow, Maddie.
This is really good work.
Hmm! Could you sound a little less surprised? Well, you got to admit, you do a pretty good job lowering expectations.
Oh.
Thank you.
I don't get it.
I spend my entire life trying to get people to raise their expectations of me, and you don't want people to have any for you.
Well, it's an easier life.
Of course, it helps if you start out on top, you know.
I love dragging depositions out all night long.
It's like a seven-course meal Of pain.
So, did you finish the assignment? Yep.
It's all done.
Huh.
Well Great job, Cristela.
Actually, Maddie did most of the work.
- And it's really good.
- Aww.
You didn't sound surprised that time.
Seriously? This is your work? Yeah.
Welcome to the firm, Ms.
Culpepper.
Never had a doubt.
Good job, Cristela.
In fact, I'm gonna team you guys up more often.
No! No! Thanks for sticking with me.
If you remember correctly, I walked out on you.
Oh, I knew what you were doing.
Do you have any idea how much I'm gonna have to mess up to get my reputation back? Well, if anyone can do it, you can.
I believe in you.
- Aww! - Ooh.
Late night? Fifth-grade homework too much for you? Hey, don't be jealous 'cause Izzy is gonna want me - to help her with her homework from now on.
- Oh.
Is that really the expectation you want to create? Of course.
She should know that her father is awesome and can do anything.
Hope you're looking forward to making The constitution The Gettysburg address The Texas flag out of macaroni And, wait for it The papier-mâché volcano.
Whoo.
Please tell her you did this.
Oh, no.
That's all you, buddy.
And now that you've shown how well you can take care of the kids, I think Daniela's gonna want you to do it all the time.
No.
Wait, wait.
Natalia did everything.
I was terrible.
I mean, I gave them ice cream.
No one brushed their teeth.
I'm not even sure Izzy is here! Hey, dad.