Hotel Transylvania: The Series (2017) s01e19 Episode Script

1 [Music.]
[Thunder booming.]
[Screaming.]
[Bats squeaking, wolves howling.]
[Construction machinery pounding.]
[Clucking.]
[Clucking angrily.]
How can you relax with that chicken - giving us the stink eye? - Meh, it's a well-honed skill.
[Clucking.]
Ah! Can't we just tell her we're having her coop rebuilt? No.
The best way to apologize is with a surprise.
Everyone knows that.
Plus the zombies are brilliant builders! [Zombies groaning.]
[Groaning.]
I don't get why it's up to us to build her a new coop.
[Screaming.]
You kids! [Clucking.]
Oh.
Yeah [Laughing.]
Mavis, we are expecting a very exclusive, [Gasps.]
reclusive, celebrity guest.
I would obviously tend to him myself, but I suspect the humans are up to something nefarious.
[Laughing.]
I must act swiftly.
Alas, you must deal with the guest.
But try not to be so, well "Mavis.
" Oh, so don't be a delightful, wise beyond her years vampire? No promises! [Bell ringing.]
Mr.
Man, first name Sand AKA the Ruler of Sleep checking in for 500 years.
I'd like a quiet room please.
I'm a very light sleeper and yes, I'm aware of the irony.
Welcome! We've been expecting you! [Construction machinery pounding.]
Oh! The hotel is, uh, very loud! What? [Construction machinery pounding.]
Say what-the-what?! Am I dreaming or is that the Sandman?! The ruler of all things lazy! He's my idol! I've seen all of his how-to-videos.
[Snoring.]
Huh? Uh The construction will be done any moment, sir.
- Wait for it - I can't wait any longer! Mr.
Sandman, I'm your biggest fan! Can I have your automograph? [Snoring.]
The Standing Snore.
That was my third most-popular video.
HANK: You roped Zombie Michelangelo into this? - You must really feel bad.
- [Sniffs.]
It's so beautiful.
Pffft, I've seen better.
Then again, my peeps built the pyramids so my standards just a bit higher than yours.
Check out what a mummy can build.
It's the hotel! [Puff.]
You gotta use your imagination.
[Screaming, phone ringing.]
Yes, sir, yes, the construction will be done any second now.
[Construction machinery pounding.]
Okay.
Okay Now! [Sighing.]
When I booked this room, I was promised quiet! If you don't do something about the noise, I will.
Great! I love it when guests solve their own problems.
Enjoy your stay.
Crisis averted! And that's how you solve things "Mavis"-style.
[Construction machinery pounding.]
Leon, the only way we're gonna get some shut-eye is if they all do.
[Clapping.]
Eeep-slay Eeep-slay Eeep-slay! Huh? Weird.
I don't remember going to sleep.
Check it out, Mavy-wavy.
[Laughs.]
Ha.
Hilarious.
Hey, Mavis! What-what! Who-o-oa! Pedro? Mmmm, rot dogs! My favorite! MAVIS: W-W-W-Wendy? Hiya, Mavis.
Look at me! It's a nightmare come true! Hank, how come you're so normal looking? That is the nicest thing any monster's ever said to me.
- Aunt Lydia! - I would love to stop and chat, my little honey pie sweetie poop, but I'm late.
Muah.
I'm having the human neighbors for brunch.
"Honey pie? Sweetie?" You're finally gonna eat the humans, huh? - Good for you.
- Eat them? [Doorbell ringing.]
Kitty! Muah-muah! Donny! It's been too long! Come! TIFFANY: Wah! [Mavis gasping.]
Two Tiffanys? A pizza face? These arms? It makes no sense.
It's almost like we're dreaming.
But how can we all be in each other's dreams? Unless the whole world is a dream.
- I think I know what's happening.
- Hank is afraid of bubbles? So! Lots of monsters probably are! Okay, yeah, but also [Snoring.]
The Sandman's trapped us in the dream world! I remember hearing him cast a sleep spell when I was lurking outside his room for an automograph.
What? Why didn't you tell us?! Oh, 'cause a second later, I had delicious rot dogs for arms and I got distracted, okay?! We've gotta do something.
Excuse me, Mr.
Sandman? Hello? Wake up! [Screaming.]
So what? We just have to wait for him to wake up? Yeah, when the Sandman sleeps, he sleeps for a long time.
[Gulping.]
Like 500 years long? 'Cause that's how long he checked in for! 500 years? [Screaming.]
If I'm remembering the video right, we have to cross over from the dream world and wake him up.
But to do that, we've got to wake up.
How do we wake ourselves up? - Ow! - Ow! ALL: Ow! Stop it! Even though this is absolutely my favorite of the friend-named dances, this is no time - for the Hank-arena.
- Hank-arena? I thought we were calling it Phlegm-hank-o? I can't help it.
I gotta pee! Yes! That is amazing! Yeah, that's just weird, dude.
If Hank has to pee, he'll wake up! And once he's awake, he can wake the Sandman up in the real world, and boom drac-alacka, we're saved! ALL: Pee, Hank, pee! Pee, Hank, pee! Pee, Hank, pee! It's working! He's waking up! See you on the other side, brother.
Hank, no! What are you doing here? I can't pee with someone watching.
Watching? Every monster's asleep.
Every monster, yeah, but Diane is awake and she was poking around our room.
Y'know probably 'cause she has no coop.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
She'd better not eat my secret stash of emergency chicken feed! Ignoring that.
How is Diane awake? Uh, she's a chicken.
The Sandman controls the dreams of the monster world, not the animal world.
Does no one read the back of the cards anymore?! Okay.
This is a good thing.
Diane is gonna get us out of here.
If she does, I'll give her three no, no, no no, four grains of my chicken feed.
[Clucking.]
Diane! It's no use.
She can't hear you.
Ugh! [Clucking.]
[Gasping.]
She saw the sand! D'uh.
When the Sandman conjures a dream world, sand is the constant between it and the real one.
Common knowledge here, monsters! Everyone step back.
I'm gonna try my mummy sand-shifting thing.
[Straining.]
[Clucking.]
[Clucking.]
Weird.
[Clucking.]
[Yelping.]
Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
Look, if I know one thing, it's sleep.
And dreams.
And sand.
And where am I going with this? Anyway, I know this spell like the back of my rot dogs.
Ha, in his dreams.
Oh! [Chuckling.]
- Oh, bravo.
- Oh.
Try and send her a message! - [Clucking.]
Sandman! - She saw it! Sleeping.
[Clucking.]
- You're doing it! - I know! [Clucking angrily.]
- I think you made her mad.
- Specifically at us.
- I don't think she's gonna help.
- Why would she be mad at us? [Screaming.]
Nope.
Got it.
Totally remember now.
I bet she loves having the hotel all to herself.
Then we just need to show her something even better.
And now, the moment we've all been waiting for! Yeah, she still can't hear you.
Chicken-bunn-gaaa! [Laughing.]
MAVIS: Aw, look, she found the hot tub! [Whispers.]
I thought that was the bathroom.
[Clucking happily.]
Now, just tell her we built this and get her to wake the Sandman up.
[Chuckling.]
Ow! Stop it, Ma.
I don't wanna go to school! [Cheering.]
- It actually worked! - So long, dream world! We won't miss you at all! Aw, man, what was I thinking? I miss my rot dog arms.
Now, I have to get off my butt to feed myself again? I'm just glad to be me! Something I learned from the Sandman sort of.
I have caught the human weapon! [Sneezing.]
- So, how is our special guest? - Um great! I found him a quiet place where he could finally get some sleep.
[Sandman snoring.]
[Clucking contentedly.]
[Clucking.]
[Bats squeaking, wolf howling.]
Ah! I blinked, Jett.
You win, again.
- So bored.
- Huge news! You're finally returning my finger? You mean my head-scratcher? Not yet.
We interrupt this very boring day with urgent late-breaking news.
Famed fast food joint, Roadkill Burgers, will be closing tonight at midnight forever.
[Sniffling.]
- That is big news! - Right?! So, does that mean I'm not getting my finger back? Ow! Thanks! [Video game noises sounding.]
[Chattering.]
Oh, come on.
Well doneski! That's the one.
Yes! No, you can't play.
- Aw, come on! - Uncle Gene! Did you hear?! Roadkill Burgers is closing down tonight.
- Forever! - What? Remember all the great times we spent there together? Yoi, yoi, do I! [Both laughing.]
[Both laughing.]
You know, it isn't closed yet.
Yes! We should go for one last beetle-burger blitz! But if I don't beat this level, I'll lose my spot on the leader board.
So, what you're sayin' is you need someone to play for you.
Well, my game coffin is souped up with so many lives - pretty much any monster could do it.
- Oh, yeah! Gimme it! [Both straining.]
It's my turn! WENDY: Guys, we got this! - Okay, my little Mavy! - Come on, Uncle Gene! GENE: Roadkill trip! Ah, they're gonna bring us burgers back, right? [Rock music.]
Buckle up and hit the gas Crazy vampires on the loose Roadkill trips are such a blast Crazy vampires on the loose Young and old, they love it so Crazy vampires on the loose These Draculas are go, go, go Crazy vampires on the loose Roadkill Memories, Roadkill Memories Roadkill Memories, Roadkill Memories [music ends.]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! [Tires screeching.]
[Screaming.]
Look what they did to my beautiful lawn! Oh! Whoo! Um, when's it gonna be our turn? When you acquire the subtle touch of a true pro so, never.
But the casket is so loaded with lives we can't mess up.
MALE VOICE: Auto pilot de-activated.
Wait, what? That was auto pilot? You mean I wasn't doing anything? Ooh.
Lucky we have so many lives, it shouldn't be a problem.
[Screaming.]
Fire! I am gonna order so many stench fries.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, and a basket of bunion rings.
I can't wait for one last hot grudge sundae.
Ooh, Uncle Gene, turn right here.
There's the shortcut through the Gremlin Patch we always take! [Snoring.]
Maybe it was left? It just means more time for some of those dizzy donuts you love! [Tires screeching.]
[Mavis and Gene laughing.]
[yells.]
Donald! MAVIS: If we don't have any more setbacks, we'll be eating in no time.
[Screaming.]
Isn't that Cornelius Shivers? Aunt Lydia's favorite romance novelist? That's me, yes.
[Groaning.]
- Hey, buddy, need a lift? - No, we don't have time.
Roadkill Burgers is gonna close soon! Mavis, when a famous author on a giant slug falls in front of your car, you make time.
[Chuckling.]
- It's the code of the road.
- CORNELIUS: Oh, thanks! Um, I don't know what happened, uh, there.
I was just waiting for a ride to my book sliming, when I dropped my pen.
[Yelping.]
Whoa! Wait, this isn't my pen.
Then, next thing you know, I'm on the road! Anyway, I really appreciate you driving me to Scarajevo.
MAVIS: Scarajevo? But that's totally the wrong direction! Mavis, swamp-dumpling, we'll still have time to get a Roadkill burger.
CORNELIUS: You won't even know I'm here.
[Chittering.]
[Laughing.]
[Screaming.]
[Yelling.]
[Screaming.]
- Ugh! - Oh, she broke.
You win.
- Yes! - Are we there yet?! Oh, we've been here for ten minutes, but I've been circling so we could finish the game.
It's the code of the road! Anyway, it's ah been a blast! [Makes explosion sound.]
Okay, time to kick it into overdrive! Let's do this! - I don't think your shortcut works.
- Ya think? Don't worry.
Nothing is going to stop us from getting that burger.
But we still got time for some doughnuts! [Laughing.]
[Screaming.]
[Screaming.]
Oh! [Beeping.]
I only have ten lives left?! I can't do this! I can't do this! Pedro, you've wasted your entire afterlife playing video games.
Sure, you're clearly not as good as Gene, but that doesn't mean you can't maybe, sort of, possibly do this! Now that was a speech! Yeah.
Yeah, yeah you're right.
I can do this! I can oh This is more like it! We might make it to Roadkill Burgers after all.
As long as we don't have any more Uh-oh.
Sounds like we've got gremlins in the engine! Probably shouldn't have cut through that gremlin patch.
MAVIS: Great.
- Why is this happening!? - Let me try.
I've been studying the patterns of the game.
I think I've found a sure-fire path to victory! [Video game music.]
Dude, you didn't even move! And now we have one life left! Give it back! Give it back! Give it back! - Oh, you can keep it.
- [Giggling.]
Ooh, it tickles! Ooh! Ooh! Oh! Oh, look.
Hoo! Hah! - All right! - Kick it! Wendy, Wendy, Wendy! I'm the queen of my tummy! This is the worst Roadkill trip ever! [Kitty screaming.]
- Uh-oh! - Mavis, get out of here! You've ruined my lawn for the last time! There's no way I'm leaving you behind.
It's us together or nothing! There's no way we can get there now! I can't bat out like I used to.
[Straining, farts.]
That's why I got the wheelchair.
That's it! Your wheelchair! - Go time! - KITTY: You're mine! Throw that thing in overdrive! Crazy Vampires on the loose! I'm gonna bury you alive! That's pretty nice rhyming lady! Ah! Uh Ah! Yes! Payback time.
Finally Kitty gets her revenge and [Chittering.]
[Screaming.]
[Brakes screeching.]
[Screaming.]
[Revving.]
Way to drive! And Roadkill Burgers is just up ahead! Don't want to ruin the moment, but we're kinda speeding right towards a giant cliff.
[Both screaming.]
MAVIS: This is the best! Way better than any old video game! I know! I can't believe I said it either.
- HANK: Yes! - PEDRO: Do it! I got this! [All cheering.]
[Mavis gasping.]
MAVIS: It's Roadkill Burgers! And it's still open! We're going to make it! GENE: Yes! [Grunting.]
Wow.
Just wow.
We were so close.
Oh, hey, dudes, what's goin' on? You went to Roadkill Burgers?! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just kept talking about the place, so I figured I'd check it out.
[Chomps.]
It's delicious! Wow, so good.
You guys can totally have the rest is what I would have said a minute ago before I ate 'em all.
Sorry about that.
Just so good! Mmm! [Sighing.]
I should be disappointed, but you know, getting here was actually a lot of fun.
Just like it always is when we hang out.
GENE: Yep.
It's just too bad we'll never get to have - another Roadkill Burger again.
- MAVIS: Yeah.
[All cheering.]
FRANK: We interrupt this video game for a very important announcement.
Roadkill Burgers is re-opening tonight! GENE: So, one last dizzy donut before we go home? Sure, Uncle Gene!