Kung Fu Panda Legends Of Awesomeness (2011) s01e19 Episode Script

RIP StarManiacO hear the legends of the kung fu panda.
[scatting.]
raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame he climbed the mountain top and earned the dragon warrior name Ooh! Ah! Ya! kung fu panda [scatting.]
master chief who saw the warrior blossom and master the skills of bodacious and awesome kung fu panda [scatting.]
he lives and he trains and he fights with the furious five protect the valley, something something something something something alive Ooh! Ah! Oh! kung fu panda legends of awesomeness sweet.
- That's it.
Only by achieving inner peace Can a true kung fu master unfold Like a lotus flower.
- [roars.]
Is that all you got? [grunting.]
- Calm, peaceful, relaxed-- [gasps.]
where's po? - It's going to take more than that To defeat the dragon warrior.
Shaka-booey! Kee-ya! - Everyone, get ready.
[po grunts.]
- [grunting.]
come on.
[thud.]
Come on, you-- JustWant To takeA nap.
Take that, hammock.
Oh, hey, guys.
[chuckles.]
To save you from your attacker.
- Huh? Oh, yeah.
Sweet hammock, huh? [fabric strains.]
whoa! [screams.]
Ooh! [guffaws.]
Oh, uh There we go.
See? UhGuys? [grunting.]
- Ooh.
- Master shifu, Can we postpone meditation And head into the training hall? Suddenly I'm in the mood to hit something.
- Someone needs to work on her inner peace And outer hostility.
- Since you skipped meditation, Will you be joining us in the training hall? - Yeah I kind of pulled my gluttonous maximus Wrestling with the hammock here, So, uh--think I'll just chill a litt.
.
- Po, napping is not What being the dragon warrior is about.
- Are you sure? I mean, Let's talk about this after my nap.
I mean, I'll still be the dragon warrior When I wake up, right? It's not like I'll suddenly be unchosen by the universe.
[snoring.]
- Your tea, master shifu.
Something the matter? - [sighs.]
it's the panda.
He seems to have forgotten what it means To be the dragon warrior.
I need to find a way to shake him from his Complacency.
- [chuckles.]
good luck.
[tray crashes.]
- it's just that-- Well, even if he Doesn't do his meditating or his training, Or, well, anything, He's still the dragon warrior.
- [sighs.]
you're right, zeng.
Unless-- [gasps.]
zeng.
I have an important message for you to take to the village.
- You want us to go spend the day At the xiu xhan hot springs? - Yes.
You've all been training very hard And deserve a day of relaxation.
- What does that mean? - It's just that I appreciate-- - no.
What does "relaxation" mean? - I'll explain it to you on the way.
- What about po? - He's not going.
- Does he know that? - Xiu xhan hot springs, I can already feel your bubbles Tickling my tushy.
- You're staying here.
- Oh, no! Aw, I really need a break.
I was dreaming all night that I was awake.
It was exhausting! - I have urgent dragon warrior business For you to handle.
- Dragon warrior business? Sweet.
What do we got? Roving bandits? A kidnapped princess? Undead vampire warriors Feasting upon the living? - I need you to go to the village and get me An apple.
- An apple? - An apple.
- An apple? - An apple.
- An apple.
- An apple.
- An apple? - An apple.
- I'm sorry, an apple? - An apple.
- An apple? - An apple.
- 'cause I could do more than that.
- I know.
Just an apple will do.
- Seriously? - Yes.
- Really? - Yes.
- I mean, just, like red? - Any kind of apple will do.
- You mean, you just want me to go-- - And get an apple.
- An apple.
- Get him an apple? - What's-- what's so important about that? - Ayieee! - Hey, what's going on little guy? Had a bad day? [scurrying.]
UhHey, muh lin.
[slaps hand.]
I'll take one of the--ooh! [chuckles.]
uh, butterfingers, huh? I just need one of those-- Huh? Ooh! Ooh! Ah! Ah! Ooh! Ooh! [grunting.]
Easy Don't want to hurt you.
JustCalm down and [crashes.]
I'll, uh-- I'll just get one down the-- Down the street.
[splashes.]
and, uh--oh! Oh, sorry! Sorry.
[grunts.]
Uh, missed a spot.
What's gotten into Everybody? Okay.
Good to see you all.
Something a little Weird seems to be going on here.
And, uh, not sure, uh--yeah.
Okay.
Oh! [snickers.]
[screams.]
- Po! Over here! - [grunting.]
well, Thanks, fang.
I-- - hi-yah! [grunting.]
- ow! Quit it.
[giggles.]
hey, that tickles.
Ow! That doesn't! Ow! Don't! - I'm still waiting for my apple, panda.
- Master shifu.
Uh, I'm having that nightmare Where everyone attacks me while I'm naked.
- Po, you're wearing pants.
- Should I take these off then, or-- - No! You're awake, panda.
- I forgot to tell you that today Is dragon warrior challenge day.
- Dragon warrior challenge day? Does this have anything to do with me not getting your apple? - Forget the apple.
I was going through the old texts, And discovered that on the hundredth day Of being dragon warrior, Anyone can challenge you.
Listen carefully.
If you are defeated before sunset, The victor takes your title.
- Good.
I've been--wait! What? I could lose my dragon-warriorshipdom? That's terrible.
- And you're not up to the challenge? - What? What, me? No, no.
I'm up to it.
It's just, you know, today is [gasps.]
I--I'm doing it.
I just got to, you know, psych myself up.
All right.
How do you like me now, apple-cart duck? Didn't see that coming, did you, ling the shoemaker? Bring it! Yah! [crashes, crowd screams.]
- He doesn't seem so complacent anymore, huh, zeng? - No, sir.
But, uh - Yes, zeng? - It's just that, uh, It's a lie.
- It's a lesson.
This is just the thing to make him Take being dragon warrior seriously.
And keep his pants on.
Relax, zeng.
With the furious five gone, There is no one in the village Strong enough to beat po.
- Soon, po, you will know the revenge of my vengeance.
Everyday I grow stronger While you grow softer, like a soft and lazy pillow Stuffed with soft and lazy.
[door slams.]
one day-- - Give it a rest already, hundun.
Every day the same thing-- Po this, po that.
Blah, blah, blah, po.
- But I thought you were interested.
- Yeah, maybe the first hundred times.
- Finally.
I got to get out of here.
- Old no-horn talking your ear off again? Well, you're going to love this, hundun.
Word is--anyone who can defeat po before sundown, Becomes the dragon warrior.
- Too bad you're locked up in here Carving fake horns, Instead of out there fighting your sworn enemy.
- Yes.
Too bad.
Care to look at my latest horn? I've just finished it.
- [sniffs.]
what's this made out of, huh? - You'd be surprised what you can scrounge up Around here with a little scrounging.
- Ew, what's that? [explosion.]
- Beat the dragon warrior and take his title? I will crush him and pluck his title, Like I pluck a yam from a tree and squeeze its squishiness The way one would squeeze a squishy yam of revenge! [menacing laugh.]
Ready or not, po, here I come.
- [grunting.]
Hi-yah! Huh? Where'd everybody go? - Hello, po.
- Keeyah! Oh-ho-hoo.
Hey, mrs.
Yoon.
[sighs.]
Can I give you a hand with that? - Oh, thank you, po.
You're always such a good boy.
How are things? - [sighs.]
to be honest, this challenge day deal Has been-- - hiyah! [groans, screams.]
- How often does an old woman like me Have a chance to become dragon warrior? You underStandDear.
- [sighs.]
you okay, mrs.
Yoon? - Oh, fine, dear.
Give my best to your father.
- Dad.
Are you-- Dad! You too? - Imagine all the business I'd get If I were dragon warrior.
- But, dad, If you were dragon warrior you wouldn't Have time to--ooh! Run the noodle shop--ah!.
You'd have to give it up.
- Give up the noodle shop? [guffaws.]
never! Oh, we'll call it a draw.
- Ow! Ooh! [groans.]
This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
[indistinct shouting.]
- get him! Here we go again! Hwah! - That's what I'm talking about.
- Hiyee! - Ooh! - Po will never expect an attack from above.
I'm going to be dragon warrior.
- Uh, mr.
Liu? That hammock you sold me is a wee bit temperamental.
- Time for-- [screams.]
- Huh? This is going to sting.
[groans.]
[groans.]
Everybody okay? I, uh--ow! Ah! Oh! My leg! GonnaNeed that.
Oh.
And that.
Okay.
It's going to be tough to-- Fight you all with one leg.
But-- - no more fighting.
You saved the boy, and have proven once again The reason you are our dragon warrior.
- You mean was your dragon warrior.
- Hundun! - You didn't think I'd miss out on a chance Like challenge day, did you? - [screams.]
- [sighs.]
- [grunts.]
- Ow! Hundun! Do you really want to say you only beat me 'cause I'm hurt and exhausted? - I'm good with that.
- [grunting.]
- One second, I'm going to-- [all gasp.]
- Ooh! Just got to Catch my breath.
Gotta-- - All hail me-- The new dragon warrior Of the valley of peace's dragon warrior.
[door squeaks.]
- Did you enjoy challenge day, dragon warrior? - More than you could imagine.
- Hundun! - Bow to your new dragon warrior.
- You defeated po? - [snickers.]
- No matter.
There is no challenge day.
I made it up.
You are no more dragon warrior than zeng there.
- What? - I coulda, if I wanted.
- Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why do I keep thinking Good things can happen to me? A stupid rhino with no horn And dry, cracked feet, like cracked-- Wait a minute.
If no one else knows that you made it up, And they don't find out, Then the lie will actually work as truthfully As if it were actually the truthful truth! If everyone believes I'm dragon warrior, And you're the only one that can tell them different [groans.]
- You'll have to do better than that, hundun.
- Fine.
How about this? - [groans.]
[lock clicks.]
- I am the dragon warrior! - On that fateful challenge day Hundun was victorious.
- I am the dragon warrior! [maniacal laugh.]
- And so ended the reign Of the once proud dragon warrior.
He lived out his days As a decidedly un-awesome waiter At his father's noodle shop.
Without a skosh of bodacity, He ended up on the streets-- alone, pitied, and unloved.
Then, when things were at their darkest All his hair fell out.
- Okay, okay! Enough already.
It's only been 20 minutes.
You're so overdramatic.
- I failed, dad.
I was the dragon warrior, and I lost it.
Who does that? [softly.]
me.
- But, po, it's not your fault You lost to hundun.
A chimney fell on you.
Everyone knows chimneys are evil, And not to be trusted.
I'm watching you! - It's not the chimney's fault, dad.
- That's what the chimney Wants you to think.
[distant crash, crowd screams.]
- Look out, it's him! - Out of my way! You! You, there! Yes, you.
Don't look at me! You wretches have had it easy for far too long.
[gong-stand crashes.]
From now on, you will give me A hundred free apples a week.
- Yes, mr.
Dragon warrior, Your excellency highness.
- What have you got there, old lady? - Oh, uh, just the steamed buns I sell To pay the rent on my humble mud hut.
- [snarling.]
These are the dragon warrior's steamed buns! Don't you get that? You own nothing! This is my village! My apples! My buns! [maniacal laugh.]
- [groans.]
- Son, what are you doing? Hundun is wrecking our village.
Help them.
- What am I going to do, dad? Huh? He's the dragon warrior now.
- Oh, po.
Well, the world needs waiters too.
- Yaa! I'm going to defeat the dragon warrior.
- Uh, hate to break it to you, fang, But you're a little late.
- I don't want to fight you, I want to fight hundun-- The dragon warrior! There's still time, The sun hasn't set.
I got to hurry! - [gasps.]
I still have time, dad! I can still beat hundun.
- I will tear you apart, you insolent bunny.
- Maybe not as much time as I thought.
[crack.]
oof! - [grunting.]
- Uh-oh.
[panting.]
- You dare treat the dragon warrior With such disrespectful unrespecting? - You bet I do! [grunts.]
- Ow! You're going to pay for that, boy.
After I crush you, I'm going to crush this whole sorry village.
- You like picking on adorable furry creatures, hundun? Well, I got your adorable, furry creature right here.
Now maybe you'll think twice before-- Whoa! - [bellowing.]
[grunts.]
You have no chance, po.
You taught me your kung fu secrets long ago.
[grunts.]
- He-he-hey! That crutch was a gift! - Since humiliating you didn't work, We'll have to do this the old-fashioned way Destroying you! [yells.]
- [screams.]
[groans.]
Can'tHold out Much longer.
[grunts.]
- perfect.
Now you can enjoy your permanent nap of permanence, Which is long and without ending-- Permanently.
- [groans.]
No.
This can't be happening.
And I can't let it happen.
I've had enough of this, hundun.
I hope you won't be too sad About not being the dragon warrior anymore.
[clacking.]
- Too late-- the sun has set.
- No it hasn't.
- [grunts.]
- OKay, now it's set.
- I am now, and always will be, The dragon warrior! [maniacal laugh.]
- No! - What do you mean, "no"? You lost your title, loser.
- It's not about the title-- It's about what's right.
- [growls.]
- Mr.
Liu.
I need your hammock.
- [growling.]
[groaning.]
[crowd cheering.]
- Yi-hah! Whoo-hoo! Yes! Master shifu! - Zebra bamboo, fountain bamboo, Uh, giant bamboo, arrow bamboo, [door creaks.]
uh, incense bamboo, Uh, corduroy bamboo! [door creaks.]
uh - Oh, po! You succeeded! Thank goodness.
Turns out, zeng knows All 1,200 varieties of bamboo Unfortunately.
- No, master shifu, I failed.
- The sun had already set before I could beat hundun.
I never should have taken Being dragon warrior for granted.
It was a gift I was given, And I ruined it.
- Mmm.
Well, you learned something valuable from it.
That's good-- very good-- Excellent, even.
It completely makes up for the fact that challenge day Was a teeny-weeny bit made up.
- I'm sorry, what? - I made it up.
See you tomorrow.
- Wait.
What? So You lied to me? That's Awesome! [chuckles.]
you're not perfect! - No, no.
I'm still perfect.
- [chuckling.]
yeah, right.
- [scoffs.]
that was supposed to be fun? - It was until you got us kicked out.
Did you really have to hit that guy? - Hey, he attacked me with a weapon.
- It's called a "towel.
" - I'm beat.
I bet po is already fast asleep.
- I don't think so.
Look.
- Po training this late? Wonder what got into him.
[both chuckling.]