Mighty Med (2013) s01e19 Episode Script

(Grunting) Oliver, put some muscle into it.
Do I have to do everything myself? Boys, I've been impressed with your contributions lately and I'm prepared to promote you to the next secret level of Mighty Med, where you'll behold miraculous wonders so secret that if I try to tell you, this happens.
(Alarm blaring) Cool.
And loud.
But first, you'll have to take an extensive practical exam tomorrow where you'll need to demonstrate your skills.
Yo, I'll show you my skills right now.
Oh, medical skills.
Thank you for the opportunity, Horace.
And we will both study super hard, and not go to the domain and goof off, and not ride anyone's coattails.
Right, Kaz? Fine.
But is there a website where a cartoon mouse explains all this to me? Come on, Kaz.
Of course there is.
But to access the website, you need the secret password, which is (Alarm blaring) Okay, yo everyday's an adventure you never know by the looks on our face At the school when we enter Leave class early, work at 3:30 Hit the comic store, read up before the journey All these new issues and super powers If we didn't have to work we'd be here for hours Everybody says that we shouldn't worry But have you ever seen superheroes on a gurney? Will we save the world today? You never know Will we all be safe today? You never know Will we fly away or stay? You never know But you know we mighty med, team up and let's go Save the people that save people after classes We flip the page and jump to action They call us normo nomally fantastic Seeing superheroes that we only imagined This type of life you got to have fight Put up your fist and fight for what's right Never could tell what we could see out of sight Do the same thing tomorrow that we did tonight Will we save the world today? You never know Will we all be safe today? You never know Will we fly away or stay? You never know But you know we mighty med, team up and let's go Clyde, is that what I think it is? It's a bi-optical image replicator.
Oh.
Then it's not what I thought it was.
But I guess a villainous cloning device makes more sense than bird-watching binoculars.
I borrowed it from Sewer Rat.
By borrowed, I mean stole.
With this, we can finally find our way into Mighty Med and locate the other half of the "dyad of nebulon.
" Then, combined with the half we already have, we'll be able to restore the powers that Horace Diaz stole from us.
And by stole, I mean stole.
Sounds great.
Hey, no moping.
I promised you a set of bird-watching binoculars for Valentine's day and you'll get them on Valentine's day.
But I'll miss woodpecker season.
Wallace, this device will turn me into an exact replica of Kaz.
Then Oliver will lead me into Mighty Med.
So how does this non-woodpecker-finding device work? Look, earlier today, I used this device to record Kaz's voice and image.
Now I just hit the self-timer and It worked.
I look terrible, but it worked.
Now what's wrong? I was half-hoping you would turn into a woodpecker.
Skylar, can I ask your advice about something personal? No.
Thanks.
What if hypothetically there's a guy, say, I don't know, me.
And say this guy, still me, had a crush on a girl at Mighty Med.
How can this guy, still me, get this girl to like him? Well, who is the girl? Uh You don't know her.
But please, I need your help.
Why do you keep coming to me with your personal problems? Because you don't have powers anymore.
What's that got to do with anything? Watch.
Incognito, when is the right time to Mr.
Quick, how do you know when a girl Blue Tornado, when a man and a woman see what I mean, Skylar? If you're trying to hide, I can still see you.
Dang it! I used to have the power to blend into walls.
So, will you help me, or do I have to become even more unpleasant? Fine, I'll help you.
Unless Skylar be gone.
You're still here.
Dang it! Okay, Clyde, now since Kaz doesn't wear glasses, and you can't see without yours, you're gonna have to wear these contact lenses.
Right, Kaz doesn't wear glasses.
What a nerd.
Wait, what? How'd you know these contacts would fit? They need to fit? Kaz.
I've been looking all over for you.
What are you doing in the domain? Uh, what, he's always here.
Much more than Clyde would like.
Not that he'd know what Clyde would like.
I mean, how would he? Yeah, it's not like I'm Clyde pretending to be me.
I can't believe after the discussion we had at work yesterday, and what you promised, you come here instead? I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have come here instead.
Not after what I promised.
And the discussion we had.
At work yesterday.
You have no idea why I'm upset, do you? Sure I do.
You're mad because I Stole your girlfr Fried potato recipe Nut butter sand Castle-making trophy? You know what? Forget you.
I'm going to You know where, to study for the test, by myself.
You may not mind not learning the mysteries of Mac.
Mac.
Mac.
Mac.
But I do.
You have no idea what to do next, do you? Sure I do.
I should Follow Oliver? Yeah, but why did you say it like that? I don't know.
According to my research, the best way to show a girl that you're interested is to ask her a lot of questions.
Let me try.
I have a question, fair maiden.
Does this ingrown toenail look infected to you? You know what? Never mind the rules.
Just learn by doing.
Go on a date and see what happens.
Finally some good advice.
Here, we can have a full dress rehearsal.
Do we have to? And how did I not notice this table before? Now, let me create a romantic mood.
Uh Okay, okay.
Alan, I think this totally not real date, has gotten you more than ready to date the girl you do have a crush on.
Who is not me.
Good luck.
Wallace:(On phone) Clyde.
Oliver just went into a janitor's closet.
So follow him.
Wallace: Wait.
I just thought of something.
What happens if you run into the real Kaz? How do you explain two Kazes? I'm an evil genius.
You don't think I thought of that? You didn't think of that, did you? No, I didn't.
I'm so stupid sometimes.
You know what, I'll get in and get out so fast, I'll never even see Kaz.
I'm finally in Mighty Med.
There's the crusher.
And there's solar flare.
And there's blue tornado.
I can't wait to get the dyad and destroy them all.
Except blue tornado, I like his boots.
Him I'll just torture.
Can't believe I'm finally in Mighty Med.
Why are you blinking so much? 'Cause these contacts are so dirty.
It's like you got them out of a garbage can.
Uh, never mind where I found them.
Just play it cool.
Right, cool.
Got it.
Lizard person.
Doctor woman.
It's me, Kaz.
I totally belong here.
It's Diaz, and he's wearing the dyad of nebulon around his neck.
Kaz, stop following me.
Look, I'm not helping you.
If you fail this test, it's your problem, not mine.
Boys, I forgot to mention since I hired you as a team, if he fails the test, it's your problem, not mine.
Oh, and you'll both be cubed.
Good talk.
What? If your skills don't rise to the next level, we'll have no further use for you, and since you know all about Mighty Med excuse me, I have something stuck in my throat.
I meant to say Okay, here's the plan.
Until you prove to me you're ready to pass this test, you are not leaving this room.
I have a better plan, I leave this room.
Kaz, this is important.
If we pass this test, we'll get to learn all about Mac.
Mac.
Mac.
Mac.
Mac.
And also we won't be cubed.
Now, show me the procedure of thirty-three-a.
Uh, sure.
No problem.
Um, procedure thirty-three-a is administering nose drops.
Oh, you said procedure thirty-three-a.
I thought you said to tie you up like a turkey.
I should go get my earwax removed.
That's procedure thirty-three-b.
Kaz, if you're sneaking up to scare me, good, because I have the worst hiccups.
Right.
That's exactly what I'm doing.
Boo.
Ahhh! That was terrifying.
And it worked.
Well done.
Now, since you're here, we can get started on your test.
Test? Oh, right, right, test.
First question, how do you treat a superhero whose foot has been impaled by an ebronian sword? Well, first, you remove any jewelry from around their neck.
Stop.
What are you doing? I'm saving your life.
Don't you die on me! What is going on? Are you trying to steal my necklace? What? You mean your half of this all-powerful amulet, which when combined with its other half can create a villain of unmatched force and power? I don't even know what this is.
Come on, it's me, Kaz.
Don't you trust me? Why would I be trying to steal it? Guards! Get him.
He's a traitor.
Hey, Oliver.
Do you have a sec? I need to talk to you about something.
Could you maybe untie me first? In a minute.
Stop making everything about you.
Anyway, I don't want to embarrass anyone by using names, but There's a guy I know who I see all the time who has a crush on me.
And I think I need to tell him how I feel.
I couldn't agree more.
You should definitely tell him.
You know the old saying, "honesty is the best policy.
" Well, I don't feel the same way towards him.
In fact, I find him kind of repulsive.
Honesty is bad.
Never be honest.
You know the old saying, "honesty is the worst policy.
" Then how do I let him down without hurting his feelings? Why let him down? It's probably easier to just go out with the guy, and over time you'll find him less and less repulsive.
But give it a few years, really kick the tires.
I don't think I could ever go out with Alan.
Although I would certainly enjoy kicking him in the tires.
Alan? Alan has a crush on you? Then tell him the truth, because you know the old saying, "honesty is the best, and worst, but mostly best policy.
" Now could you please untie me? Not yet.
I mean, how often do you get a truly captive audience? So I'm thinking about changing my hair.
Bangs or no bangs? There you are! Guards! Take him away and turn him into a cube! A cube? What are you talking about? You know perfectly well what I'm talking about.
A cube is a three-dimensional solid polyhedron with six square faces of equal sizes, you traitor! What? I'm not a traitor.
But I am a snitch.
Jerome from accounting is stealing pencils.
Enough! You disgust me.
After all I've done for you, you let me down like this? Don't even look at me! Not you two! I was talking to Kaz! Go after him! In the meantime, I'll take care of Jerome in accounting.
I can't believe Kaz.
Because he didn't study, Horace is going turn us both into three-dimensional solid polyhedrons with six square faces of equal sizes.
And I changed my mind.
Bangs.
All right.
I need to find Kaz.
Alan.
Listen, I have some bad news.
If this is about the national sweater vest shortage, it's fine.
I caused it.
Look, I know you're totally in love with me, but I'm sorry.
I don't feel the same way.
But I know that somehow you'll survive.
What? Me in love with you? Ew.
I don't understand.
If not me then who do you have a crush on? Her.
And I took your advice, and we're going on a date tonight.
That's your crush? How could you possibly be interested in her and not me? Should I start with the bangs? Besides, she doesn't look her best right now.
Now that's my girl slash acid spitting octopus.
Well, there's no way I can compete with that.
I mean, look at those legs.
Horace, what's going on? I'm making Kaz into a paperweight.
Oops.
We left Jerome from accounting in here.
Teach you to steal pencils.
This is because Kaz failed the exam? So then I'm next? Please, can't you give us a makeup test? Your makeup looks fine.
Very natural.
And this isn't because of the exam.
It's because I have no choice.
As fond as I've grown of you, you betrayed me, and even worse, you betrayed Mighty Med.
So you have to go in the cubing chamber.
Not you, marcel! But Kaz would never betray Mighty Med.
He's the most loyal person I know.
He's right.
So don't cube me, just cube him.
Maybe loyal isn't the right word.
But he's no traitor.
Please, Horace, don't cube him.
I'm begging you.
Fine, if you're going to whine about it, I'll only erase his memory and banish him from Mighty Med forever.
What? No! Kaz.
Kaz.
Do you know me? Me? Me? Nope.
Not ringing a bell.
Also, what's a bell? Throw him out! Kaz has no memory of our friendship? But without him, there's no me.
No guts, no glory.
No pain, no gain.
No shirt, no service.
Sometimes he doesn't wear a shirt, we don't get served.
Kaz.
Oliver.
Horace just sicced the guards on me, but I don't know why.
I'm totally wearing a shirt.
Kaz.
Kaz.
You know me.
You know me.
Of course, I know you.
You're my best friend Oliver, who when he gets excited, shouts everything twice.
That's right.
That's right.
I do.
I do.
What are you doing here? And didn't I just erase your memory? Wait, you kicked out Kaz and erased his memory, and yet he's right here and remembers me.
A villain must have impersonated Kaz to get access to Mighty Med.
Well, that would explain why Kaz tried to steal my all-powerful amulet.
And used the word "amulet.
" That's way beyond his vocabulary.
I have bad vocabulary? The word is pronounced ambulance.
You are Kaz.
So that was a villain impersonating you.
But who? Wait, a villain's impersonating me? Villains know who I am? That is Awesome.
No one has any use for the dyad of nebulon other than catastrophe, the most powerful villain ever to terrorize the galaxy.
But he was defeated years ago and split into two separate beings each of them pathetic and nearly powerless.
The two beings must still be alive somewhere.
But where? Try and remember.
Your name is Clyde.
You live with your twin brother.
You own a comic book shop.
That sounds depressing.
Why would I want to remember that life? Now, the final test question, what do you do when a hero is infested with zandorian parasites? I think I'm going to throw up.
Vomit is indeed the cure for zandorian parasites.
Congratulations.
You've both passed.
You will no longer be normos.
What? You're giving us powers? Nope, I'm giving you titles.
You will now be chief resident normos.
Sweet.
Oh, do we get a raise? Nope.
Do we get a bonus? Nope.
In fact, the cost of these name tags is coming out of your paycheck.
But you do get to see this.
I can't believe I'm actually seeing (Alarm blaring) You can see it, but you still can't say it.