Rhoda (1974) s01e19 Episode Script

- MY NAME IS RHODA MORGENSTERN.
I WAS BORN IN THE BRONX, NEW YORK IN DECEMBER, 1941.
I'VE ALWAYS FEL RESPONSIBLE FOR WORLD WAR II.
THE FIRST THING I REMEMBER LIKING THAT LIKED ME BACK WAS FOOD.
I HAD A BAD PUBERTY.
IT LASTED 17 YEARS.
I'M A HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE.
I WENT TO ART SCHOOL.
MY ENTRANCE EXAM WAS ON A BOOK OF MATCHES.
I DECIDED TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I WAS 24.
MY MOTHER STILL REFERS TO THIS AS THE TIME I RAN AWAY FROM HOME.
EVENTUALLY, I RAN TO MINNEAPOLIS, WHERE IT'S COLD, AND I FIGURED I'D KEEP BETTER.
NOW I'M BACK IN MANHATTAN.
NEW YORK, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE.
- SOMETHING ON YOUR MIND, RHODA? - NO, NOTHING.
WHAT COULD BE ON MY MIND? I JUST WOKE UP.
WHAT, ARE YOU GOING BACK TO YOUR EXERCISES? SOMETHING'S OBVIOUSLY ON MY MIND.
- LISTEN, RHODA, IF YOU'VE GO SOMETHING YOU WANT TO TELL ME, THEN WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT, HUH? - WELL, I DON'T KNOW, I FEEL FUNNY.
IT'S ABOUT ME AND A MAN.
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A BITE TO EAT? - NO, NO BITES-- - SURE.
- NOTHING.
- JUST A LITTLE JUICE.
- NO, RHODA! - IT'LL TAKE ME ONE SECOND.
- RHODA! FREEZE! - YOU'RE RIGHT.
DID YOU SEE WHAT--THIS IS TERRIBLE--WHAT I WAS JUST DOING? I OPENED A CONVERSATION SAYING, "ME AND A MAN.
" AND THEN NATURALLY, UH, I START TO STRETCH I OUT AND OF COURSE-- - AND YOU'RE STILL STRETCHING IT OUT.
- YEAH, BUT YOU SEE, JOE, IT'S NO THE KIND OF THING THAT I CAN JUST TELL IN ONE SENTENCE.
- YOU HAVEN' STARTED TO TELL IT.
- OK, BUT IT'S HARD TO START.
- START! - BETWEEN THE AGES OF 23 AND 26 I WAS IN LOVE-- - STOP! THAT WAS 7 YEARS AGO.
THERE'S NO NEED FOR ME TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.
- YES, THERE IS-- - NO REASON.
- YES, THERE IS.
THERE IS A REASON, JOE.
- THERE IS? - YEAH.
BUT I DON'T WANT IT TO UPSE YOU HEARING THIS STUFF.
- NO, IT'S NOT GOING TO BOTHER ME.
WHY SHOULD IT BOTHER ME? I MEAN, PEOPLE ARE A LOT MORE RELAXED ABOUT SEX THESE DAYS THAN THEY USED TO BE, YOU KNOW.
- JOE, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE GO TO TELL YOU.
HOW LONG ARE WE MARRIED NOW, 4 MONTHS? I RELAXED 3 WEEKS AGO.
- I'M NOT INTERESTED IN 3 WEEKS AGO.
I'M INTERESTED BETWEEN THE AGES OF 23 AND 26.
- OK, OK.
WELL, YOU SEE, I WAS IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN NAMED DAVID BLOOM.
HE WAS WONDERFUL.
I MEAN, HE WASN'T GORGEOUS, BUT HE WAS GOOD.
AND HE WAS KIND AND HE WAS REALLY SWEET AND I LOVED HIM.
FOR 3 YEARS, YEAH, 3.
I LOVED HIM.
- BOY, WHAT A CRUMMY TIME I'M HAVING.
- JOE? - THEN WHAT? - OH, WELL THEN, YOU KNOW, THERE COMES THAT POINT THAT, UH, EITHER IT HAPPENS OR IT DOESN'T.
AND IT DIDN'T.
WE DIDN'T GET MARRIED.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU GUYS DIDN'T AND WE DID.
- RIGHT.
- SO I DON'T SEE WHY WE HAVE TO SPEND PART OF OUR MARRIAGE TALKING ABOUT DAVID BLOOM.
- BECAUSEBECAUSE DAVID JUST RECENTLY CALLED MY MOTHER LOOKING FOR ME.
YEAH, I MEAN, HE KNEW I'D MOVED BACK TO NEW YORK, BUT HE DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WAS LIVING.
SO HE CALLED HER AND HE, UH, WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE ME.
NOW I DON'T KNOW WHETHER I'M GOING TO SEE HIM OR NOT.
WHAT DO YOU THINK? - WELL THE WAY I SEE IT, IT'S LIKE THIS, I HAVE TWO CHOICES HERE.
EITHER I DO THE REASONABLE, MATURE THING OR I'M HONEST.
LISTEN, DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO.
- BUT, JOE-- [TELEPHONE RINGING.]
- I'LL GET IT.
- NO, I'LL GET IT.
I WILL GET IT.
JUST SIT DOWN, RELAX.
YOU WERE EXERCISING.
HELLO.
OH, HIYA, MA.
IT'S MA, JOE.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
DAVID CALLED AGAIN? OK, WELL, IF HE'S GOING TO CALL YOU BACK, TELL HIM, UHYEAH.
BYE, MA.
JOE? - YEAH? - I'VE GOT A DATE FRIDAY NIGHT.
- HI, ALICE.
- HI, JOE.
HOW'S IT GOING? - OH, PRETTY GOOD.
- JOE, I THINK IT'S FANTASTIC THA YOU DON'T MIND RHODA'S DATING.
SHE TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT.
- THAT'S WHAT I GET FOR HIRING ONE OF MY WIFE'S FRIENDS.
LOOK, ALICE, RHODA'S SIMPLY GOING TO DINNER WITH AN OLD FRIEND.
- IF I HAD BEEN THAT MODERN ABOUT MY MARRIAGE, MAYBE EDDIE WOULD NEVER HAVE DIVORCED ME.
BUT WHY THINK DARK THOUGHTS? I KNOW HE'S COMING BACK.
- WAIT A MINUTE, I THOUGH YOUR HUSBAND REMARRIED.
- I KNOW, A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP WHEN THAT HAPPENED.
BUT NOT ME, JOE, 'CAUSE I KNOW THAT SOMEDAY HE'S GOING TO WALK IN THAT DOOR WITH A CAN OF TUNA FISH AND ASK ME TO MAKE MY TUNA CASSEROLE.
I'LL JUST ACT LIKE NOTHING'S HAPPENED.
I WON'T EVEN ASK HIM WHAT KEPT HIM.
I'LL HEAR HIS KEY IN THE LOCK.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
- WHAT? - ALICE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, KEY IN THE LOCK? YOU MOVED SINCE YOUR DIVORCE.
- I CHANGED MY DOOR, BUT I KEPT MY LOCK.
I KNOW HE'S OUT THERE, JOE.
HE JUST HAD TO GET A FEW WILD OATS OUT OF HIS SYSTEM.
I MEAN, IT'S ONLY BEEN 3 YEARS.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
MAYBE THAT'S HIM NOW.
JOE! [KNOCK ON DOOR.]
COME IN.
OH, BRENDA.
- HI, BREN.
- HI.
- HOW ARE YOU? - SO, UH, ALICE, HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR NEW JOB? - AW, IT'S OK.
OH, I LOVE IT.
- SO, BREN, WHAT'S GOING ON? - WELL, I NEED THIS LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR A JOB I'M APPLYING FOR THAT I'M NO GOING TO GET.
AND IT'S AT THIS VERY CLASSY BANK ON FIFTH AVENUE.
YOU KNOW THEY DON'T EVEN PUT CHAINS ON THEIR PENS? ANYWAY, I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD WRITE THIS LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION FOR ME.
- OH, SURE, WHY DON'T YOU SI DOWN, TYPE OUT ANYTHING YOU WANT AND I'LL SIGN IT FOR YOU, OK? - OK, GREAT! YOU KNOW, I WOULD'VE WRITTEN IT AT THE BANK BUT I COULDN' FIND A PEN.
- SO, UH, LISTEN, BRENDA ARE YOU BUSY TONIGHT? - YEAH, KINDA.
GOT A DATE.
- OH, YEAH? WHO WITH? - RHODA.
I'M GOING WITH HER TO MEET DAVID.
- OH, YOU'RE GOING WITH HER! OF COURSE, OF COURSE YOU PROBABLY KNEW HIM BACK THEN, TOO, DIDN'T YOU? - OH, SURE.
YOU KNOW, I EVEN HAD A SEMI-CRUSH ON HIM.
- YOU DID? - MM-HMM.
- OH, TELL ME, UH, WHAT'S THE GUY LIKE ANYWAY? - OH, I DON'T KNOW, JOE.
I MEAN, HE WAS AN OLDER GUY.
- YEAH, BUT YOU WERE A KID THEN.
AND TO A KID, EVERYBODY LOOKS OLDER.
- OH, NO, NOT DAVID.
DAVID ALWAYS LOOKED OLD.
NOT OLD.
HE ALWAYS LOOKED 37.
JOE, YOU'RE NOT NERVOUS ABOUT THIS THING, ARE YOU? - OH, NO! - WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T BE, YOU KNOW.
- NO, I'M NOT.
I'M NOT.
- I MEAN IT.
I MEAN, YOU ARE TERRIFIC.
JOE, DON'T DO MY NUMBER ON YOURSELF.
I MEAN, YOU ARE TERRIFIC.
- OH, COME ON.
- YOU ARE.
HEY, HEY, DO YOU WANT ME TO WRITE ONE OF THESE LETTERS FOR YOU? TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.
JOE IS ACES.
- AW, YOU'RE SWEET.
LET ME HEAR YOUR LETTER ABOUT YOURSELF.
- ALL RIGHT.
"BRENDA MORGENSTERN IS ONE OF THE PLEASANTEST RHODE SCHOLARS "I'VE EVER MET.
"WITH BUSY NIGHTS IN HER LABORATORY, SHE STILL FINDS "TIME DURING THE DAY TO CONTINUE HER HOBBY-- "TRANSLATING FRENCH LITERATURE INTO RUSSIAN.
AND SHE DATES AS OFTEN AS SHE LIKES.
" - BRENDA, NOBODY'S GOING TO BELIEVE THAT.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'LL TAKE OU THAT DATING PART.
- OH, HI, BABE.
- HI, JOE.
- LISTEN, I'M GLAD YOU'RE HOME BECAUSE-- - I CAN'T TALK.
- THERE'S SOMETHING I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT.
- I CAN'T, JOE.
I DON'T HAVE ANY EXTRA TIME.
I'VE BEEN RUNNING LATE ALL DAY TODAY.
I WAS LATE GETTING OFF WORK.
THEN I RAN DOWN THE SUBWAY.
I DIDN'T HAVE A TOKEN NATURALLY, RIGHT.
AND THE LINE WAS A MILE LONG.
I TRIED TO BUY ONE OFF THIS WEIRD GUY HE SAYS, "NO!" BUT THEN HE OFFERS TO GIVE ME ONE IF I WILL GO WITH HIM TO AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND.
- LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU TAKE OFF YOUR COAT AND SIT DOWN AND RELAX A WHILE? - WELL, NO, JOE, I, UHBRENDA'S NO HERE YET, HUH? - NAH, NAH.
SHE CALLED-- - SHE DID? - AND SHE SAID SHE'D BE A LITTLE BIT LATE.
- OK.
- COME ON.
TAKE OFF YOUR COAT.
- WELL, NO, BECAUSE I'M JUST GOING.
- I'M LEAVING.
- COME ON, TAKE IT OFF.
- JOE, UH, WELL, ALL RIGHT.
- YOU LOOK GREAT, BABE.
- I MEAN-- - THAT'S YOUR BES DRESS, ISN'T IT? - NO.
NO, NOT REALLY.
MY BEST DRESS IS MY WEDDING GOWN.
AH, JOE, IS THIS BOTHERING YOU? - YOU GOTTA TELL ME.
HUH? - OH, NO.
IT'S NOT BOTHERING ME.
- NO? - NO.
- OK, GOOD.
- I WAS JUST SORT OF WONDERING ABOUT SOMETHING.
- YEAH, SO TELL ME.
WHAT? - WELL, IT'S LIKE THIS WHAT IF THERE WAS THIS GIRL THAT I USED TO LOVE AND I WAS GOING OUT TO DINNER WITH HER? WOULD THAT BOTHER YOU? - YOU DO IT ALL THE TIME.
YOU MEET YOUR EX-WIFE.
YES, JOE, YOU GO OFF TO MARIAN'S A LOT.
YOU DO.
AND SHE'S SOMEONE YOU LIVED WITH FOR 7 YEARS.
FOR MY PART, IT TEARS ME UP EVERY TIME.
- YOU MEAN TO SAY THAT YOU SI THERE ALL THE TIME TELLING ME, "HEY, JOE, DON'T WORRY IF YOU'RE LATE," AND REALLY INSIDE YOURSELF YOU'RE FEELING JUST THE OTHER WAY? - OH, NO, NOT ALL OF ME.
EXCUSE ME.
NO, IT'S LIKE, UH, INSIDE I'M 2 SEPARATE PEOPLE, YOU KNOW? LIKE THE THREE FACES OF EVE ON A 1/3 OFF SALE, YOU KNOW? IT'S INTERESTING BECAUSE PAR OF ME IS THIS TERRIFIC MODERN PERSON WHO SAYS, "OF COURSE, SEE MARIAN! I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND.
" ALL RIGHT? UNFORTUNATELY, THERE'S THIS OTHER PART, TOO.
YOU SEE.
YES, THIS AWFUL PERSON WHO POPS UP EVERY NOW AND THEN.
I CALL HER DELORES.
YEAH, JUST AS I'M OUT THERE REPLANTING IN THE SUN SHE SNEAKS UP BEHIND ME AND WHISPERS IN MY EAR, "PSST!" "DUMMY, YOU'RE LOSING HIM.
" AND THEN I SAY, "THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING THOUGHTS LIKE THAT INTO MY HEAD?" "RHODA, WHERE THERE'S SMOKE, THERE'S FIRE.
" "WHY SHOULD I GIVE MY HUSBAND JOE A BAD TIME FOR GOING TO "SEE HIS EX-WIFE? HE'S REALLY GOING TO SEE HIS SON.
" "YOU'RE A SAP.
A SAP!" "LOOK, NOBODY'S PERFECT.
UH, DELORES, PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE.
" "RHODA, JOE THINKS YOU'RE BORING.
" "HE MARRIED ME, DIDN'T HE?" "BUT IT WAS ME HE WANTED.
" [BUZZER.]
YEAH? - UH, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- YES, YES, YES, CARLETON, WHAT? - I'M CALLING TO INFORM YOU THAT YOUR SISTER'S DOWN HERE IN THE LOBBY WAITING FOR YOU.
- OK, CARL, WELL, LET ME TALK TO HER.
- YOU MEAN DIRECTLY? - OF COURSE.
- THAT WOULDN'T BE PROPER.
I MEAN, IF I DID THAT, I WOULD BE A DERELICT IN MY DUTY.
THE SPEAKING MECHANISM HERE IS NOT [FEEDBACK.]
- HELLO.
HELLO, HELLO? - HELLO, RHO? - YEAH, BRENDA.
- YEAH.
- UH, WHAT HAPPENED TO CARLTON? - HE FELL DOWN.
- I'LL BE DOWN IN JUST A SECOND.
WAIT.
- OK.
- OK.
OK, JOE, I GUESS THIS IS IT, HUH? - YEAH, YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- AH, JOE, LET'S NOT LET THINGS LIKE THIS WORRY US, HUH? I MEAN, WE KNOW WE BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER.
- RIGHT.
- OK.
- OH, ONE MORE THING.
RHODA, BEFORE YOU GO ON YOUR DATE, WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR? - SURE.
- LEAVE DELORES HERE.
- YOU KNOW, RHODA, YOU'RE SEEING DAVID FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 7 YEARS.
EXPLAIN HOW COME YOU WANT ME HERE ASIDE FROM THE FACT THA I'M SUCH PLEASANT COMPANY.
- WELL, IF IT'S AWFUL, YOU KNOW, IN CASE, I MEAN, IF IT'S A WRONG DECISION, BRENDA, IT'S GOING TO HELP A LOT IF YOU'RE HERE.
I'LL DO IT FOR YOU SOMETIME.
I'LL GO WITH YOU WHEN YOU'RE FEELING AWKWARD.
- WITH ME THAT'S KIND OF A 24-HOUR JOB.
- STOP IT.
BESIDES, MAYBE YOU WON' HAVE TO STAY, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, IF IT'S GOING GOOD, I'LL SIGNAL, YOU KNOW.
WE'LL BE ANNETTE FUNICELLO AND SANDRA DEE.
I'LL KNOCK OVER THE SAL SHAKER AND THEN TOSS SOME OVER MY SHOULDER AND THEN YOU'LL KNOW TO MAKE AN EXCUSE AND LEAVE, ALL RIGHT? - OK.
IT'S A DEAL.
SOUNDS FUN.
- WHOO! RHODA.
- DAVID.
OH, DAVID.
- RHODA, YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.
YOU LOOK SO TERRIFIC I MAY JUST BORE YOU THE WHOLE NIGH BY TELLING YOU HOW TERRIFIC YOU LOOK.
BRENDA, IS THAT YOU? - YEAH.
- SO, UH SO YOU'RE GOING TO STAY AND HAVE DINNER WITH US, HUH? - WELL, I'M FULL.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
- OH, YEAH? - YEAH.
- IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU.
- DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO LEAVE? - YEAH, YOU KNOW, ME AND MY WHIMS.
- BYE-BYE.
- [HUMMING.]
- DAVID.
- YOU USED TO DO THA SIGNAL WITH SUGAR.
- THESE DAYS IT'S TOO EXPENSIVE.
- RHODA, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE MOST, THE LONGES DINNER IN HISTORY.
WE'VE GOT 7 YEARS OF OUR LIVES TO TELL EACH OTHER.
- I KNOW, I KNOW, YEAH.
- YOU GO FIRST.
- OK.
I'M MARRIED.
NOW YOU GO.
- MARRIED.
THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.
THE SECOND I HEARD YOU WERE MARRIED I HAD THIS CRAZY IDEA IN MY HEAD THAT YOU WERE THE ONE PERSON IN THE WORLD I HAD TO TALK TO.
SEE, UH, I'M THINKING OF GETTING MARRIED MYSELF.
YEAH, I GOT MYSELF A GIRL AND EVERYTHING.
- OH.
THAT'S GREAT.
- AND I WAS THINKING, RHODA, I WANTED TO ASK YOU, WHAT'S IT LIKE? - OH, BOY, THAT'S A TOUGH QUESTION, DAVID, I MEAN, MARRIAGE IS DIFFEREN THINGS TO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
TO ME IT'S, WELL, IT'S THE KNOWLEDGE THAT IN MY WHOLE LIFE I'LL NEVER HAVE TO TAKE ANOTHER SOMONEX.
DAVID, YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED.
- YEAH.
- WHAT, EH? - HUH? WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? - I DON'T KNOW.
I JUST DON'T KNOW IF IT'S THE RIGHT THING FOR ME TO DO TO GET MARRIED NOW.
I MEAN, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I'M ALMOST AS OLD AS I LOOK.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN? - YEAH.
- AND I FINALLY GOT MYSELF A PRETTY GOOD JOB.
- OH, YEAH, REALLY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? - HA! HERE'S THE PROBLEM THERE, SEE? IT'S VERY DIFFICULT FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT WHAT I DO.
- YEAH? - BECAUSE I FEEL AS IF I SHOULD SOUND VERY DIGNIFIED WHEN I TALK ABOUT WHAT I DO, BUT I'VE ONLY BEEN DOING IT FOR SIX MONTHS NOW SO I HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE DIGNITY DOWN YET.
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU DO? - I'M A JUDGE! - DAVID! - OF THE NEW YORK STATE SUPREME COURT.
- YOU'RE A JUDGE? - I SWEAR! - IT'S INCREDIBLE.
I NEVER KNEW A JUDGE BEFORE.
- ME EITHER.
- WOW, DAVID, WHAT'S IT LIKE? - OH, IT'S WONDERFUL, RHODA, LET ME TELL YOU.
I LOVE BEING CALLED "YOUR HONOR.
" I LOVE MY ROBES AND I LOVE MY GAVEL AND I LOVE MY 7-FOOT HIGH BENCH.
- YOU MEASURED IT? - YOU BETCHA.
AND, RHODA, LET ME TELL YOU, SOMETIMES WHEN I GET DRESSED IN MY ROOM, IT'S CALLED CHAMBERS-- - CHAMBERS, YEAH.
- AND I SEE THIS LITTLE ORDINARY GUY PU ON SOME ROBES AND HE TURNS RIGHT INTO A JUDGE.
- DAVID BLOOM.
WOW.
TERRIFIC.
AH! BUT, UH, I STILL HAVEN'T HEARD ANY ARGUMENTS AGAINST MARRIAGE.
I MEAN, UH, YOU HAVE A NICE AGE NOW.
YOU'RE IN BALANCE THERE.
AND YOU HAVE A VERY GOOD JOB.
- YEAH.
- HOW 'BOUT YOUR GIRL? - HUH? - YEAH, TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WHAT'S SHE LIKE? - WHAT'S SHE LIKE? - YEAH.
- WELL, THE BIG THING ABOUT MICHELLE IS SHE'S YOUNG, RHODA.
- YEAH.
- SHE'S VERY YOUNG.
- WELL, HOW YOUNG? - SHE'S SO YOUNG I HAVEN' ASKED HER HOW YOUNG SHE IS.
- DAVID, LISTEN, I GOT TO TELL YOU STRAIGHT OUT I DON'T THINK YOUR DECISION COULD POSSIBLY REST ON THE GIRL'S AGE.
I MEAN, THERE'S A VERY BASIC QUESTION HERE.
DO YOU LOVE HER? - YEAH, I DO.
- WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT HER? - HER AGE.
I LOVE HER ANKLES, HER NECK, EVERYTHING.
DON'T EMBARRASS ME, HUH, RHODA? - DAVID, I GET THE FEELING YOU'VE ALREADY DECIDED WHAT I IS YOU'RE GOING TO DO, YOU JUST HAVEN'T SAID IT.
- RHODA, I'M GOING TO GET MARRIED IF SHE'LL HAVE ME.
AND I THINK SHE'LL HAVE ME BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN TELLING ME IF WE DON'T GET MARRIED, SHE'LL LEAVE ME.
OH, I CAN'T TAKE THIS RESTAURANT ANYMORE.
- I KNOW.
- LET'S GET OUT OF HERE, HUH? - YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK? - I'VE GOT A LIMOUSINE OUTSIDE.
- YOU DO? - WITH A CHAUFFEUR IN IT.
- OH.
WOW.
- THINGS HAVE CHANGED FOR US, RHODA.
- HAVE THEY EVER.
THAT'S--OOH.
- WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE A LIMOUSINE RIDE THROUGH THE OLD NEIGHBORHOOD? - THE OLD NEIGHBOR-- OH, COME ON, REALLY, DAVID, ME IN A CHAUFFEURED-DRIVEN LIMOUSINE GOING UP THE GRAND CONCOURSE? IT'S TOO CHILDISH.
REALLY.
DO YOU THINK THE CHAUFFEUR WOULD MIND IF I RODE ON THE HOOD? [FOOTBALL GAME PLAYING ON TV.]
[KEYS RATTLING.]
- HELLO, JOE.
- HI.
- AREN'T YOU THE LEAS BIT CURIOUS ABOUT MY DATE? - WELL, MAYBE YOU TELL ME ABOUT IT LATER.
THERE'S A GREAT GAME ON NOW.
- OH, A GREAT GAME ON, HUH? LET'S WATCH THE GAME, SURE.
WHAT'S THE SCORE? - OK.
YOU GOT ME.
- YOU'RE A LITTLE JEALOUS.
- NO, IT WOULD BE PRETTY LOUSY OF ME TO BE JEALOUS.
I MEAN, THIS IS A GUY THAT YOU USED TO LIKE AND YOU JUST WEN OUT TO DINNER WITH HIM.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR OR ANYTHING, YOU KNOW.
- JOE, THIS IS SO TERRIFIC.
IT'S SO ADULT OF YOU.
I MEAN, YOU'RE NOT EVEN JEALOUS.
I MEAN, IT'S REALLY WONDERFUL FOR OUR MARRIAGE.
I FEEL SO, SO, UH, SO CRUMMY.
NOW, NOW, YOU GO TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, JOE.
I CAME IN AT MIDNIGH FROM A DATE WITH ANOTHER MAN.
COULD YOU GIVE ME A LITTLE JEALOUSY? DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S AT STAKE HERE? THE PRESENCE OF THE SICKNESS OF JEALOUSY IN A MARRIAGE.
AN AMERICAN TRADITION.
- NO, I MEAN, I FEEL TERRIFIC.
I'M SORRY BUT I JUS FEEL GREAT ABOUT THE WAY I'M REACTING.
I'M REALLY HAPPY ABOUT IT.
I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY ABOUT IT, TOO.
- HOW CAN YOU BE TOTALLY NOT JEALOUS? - BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE CRAZY ABOUT ME.
- AHA! NOW I UNDERSTAND.
YOU FOUND MY DIARY.
- NOW, COME ON, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.
- YEAH, I DO.
- SO TELL ME, UM, WHAT WAS HE LIKE? HOW DID HE TURN OUT? - HE'S A JUDGE.
- OK.
A BETTER JOB THAN ME.
I STILL DON'T FEEL BAD.
I'M NOT QUITE AS HAPPY AS I WAS A MINUTE AGO BUT, UH, I'M OK.
A JUDGE, HUH? - A JUDGE.
- DID HE DROP YOU OFF? - WELL, SURE.
IN A LIMOUSINE WITH A CHAUFFEUR.
HOW YOU DOING? - OH, FINE.
- WANT SOMETHING TO EAT? - OH, NO THANKS.
- YOU SURE? - YEAH, YEAH.
- OK.
- WAIT A MINUTE.
IF YOU JUST ATE, HOW COME YOU'RE HUNGRY? - OH, WE DIDN'T HAVE ANY FOOD.
NO, AFTER BRENDA LEFT, WHY, WE STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE OLD DAYS, YOU KNOW, AND THE TIME JUST FLEW.
WE WOUND UP IN THE BRONX.
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
BRENDA LEFT? - YEAH.
- AND YOU DIDN'T EAT? - RIGHT.
- ALL RIGHT.
I STILL DON'T FEEL JEALOUS.
I'M VERY DEPRESSED.
MY WILL TO LIVE ISN'T QUITE WHAT IT WAS AN HOUR AGO, BUT, UH, NO, I'M OK.
SO, TELL ME, UM, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT HIM AFTER NO SEEING HIM ALL THESE YEARS? - JOE, I LOVE HIM.
OH, AND YOU WILL, TOO.
I AM SO GLAD TONIGHT HAPPENED, JOE, I GOT TO TELL YOU, BECAUSE IT PROVED TO ME SOMETHING I HAD ALWAYS HOPED, THAT WHEN YOU ONCE LOVED SOMEBODY, YOU ALWAYS LOVE THEM IN A WAY.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? FOR INSTANCE--I WAN THAT TO BE TRUE, SEE, JOE, BECAUSE IT WOULD BE TERRIBLE IF IT WASN'T-- IF YOU AND I, GOD FORBID A MILLION TIMES, A BILLION TIMES, IF YOU AND I WERE EVER DI--DIVOR-- DIVORCED.
NO, NO! GOD FORBID A MILLION, BILLION TIMES.
BUT WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS, JOE, I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU FOREVER, WHATEVER.
- THANKS.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN THE BRONX? - NOTHING.
NOTHING.
LIMOUSINE STUFF.
WE JUST-- - NO.
NO.
NO, LET ME STOP MYSELF.
DON'T TELL ME BECAUSE IF I CAN GET PAST THIS MOMENT RIGH HERE, I'M GOING TO BE THE CHAMP.
MR.
TOGETHER MAY GE CROWNED TONIGHT, SO JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.
- OK.
JOE, DO YOU THINK YOU CAN DO IT? - I'M NOT SURE.
MAYBE.
- YOU DID IT? - YEAH.
- OH, CONGRATULATIONS! HEY, CHAMP, LET'S GO TO BED.
- JOE, DAVID IS SUCH A TERRIFIC GUY.
YOU'RE JUST GOING TO LOVE HIM.
- OH, I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO IT, BABE.
- YEAH, HEY, LISTEN, ZIP ME UP, WILL YA? - HEY, HOW DID YOU ZIP YOURSELF WHEN YOU WERE SINGLE? - WELL, WHEN YOU'RE SINGLE, YOUR ARMS ARE LONGER.
[BUZZER.]
THANK YOU.
OOPS.
I'LL GET IT.
THANK YOU.
YES? - YES, THIS IS CARLTON, YOUR DOORMAN.
- YES, CARLTON, YES, WHAT IS IT? - IS ANYBODY UP THERE DEAD? - WHAT, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT? - WELL, THERE'S THIS BIG SHINY BLACK LIMOUSINE DOWN HERE AND THE CHAUFFEUR SAYS IT'S FOR YOU.
- CARLTON, THE CAR IS NOT FOR US.
THE COUPLE IN IT ARE COMING UP TO SEE US.
- THEN YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT YOU'RE NOT DEAD? - GOOD, CARLTON, YES.