Rita Rocks (2008) s01e19 Episode Script
What's Love Got To Do With It
What are you doing? Yoda wanted to watch the dog show.
We should train him to be in one.
Honey, I can't even train the things in this house that can talk.
For example, you're supposed to be helping me fill out Valentine's Day cards.
I already did all the ones for the kids I like.
Honey, you have to give them to everyone in your class.
You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
They're kids; they'll get over it.
Stop quoting me back to me.
Let's move, move, move, move.
Come on.
(mumbles) You can't dislike them all.
What about Gordon Kluckner? He breathes through his mouth and carries a briefcase.
Honey, one day you're going to need your taxes done, and you're going to want to know a Gordon Kluckner.
Hey, Mom.
I need to borrow 50 bucks.
Tell the bank I said hi.
But I need to buy Kip a Valentine's Day gift.
What about all that money you make at work? You can't have spent it all.
Hello, I'm a teenager.
Have we met? Come on, please.
All right, fine, but you pay me back by next Wednesday and you have to do the dishes every night this week.
Every night? That seems excessive.
Hello, I'm your mother.
Have we met? Yes or no? All right, fine, but when you see Kip at band practice, can you suggest a Valentine's Day gift that I'm gonna like? Isn't it the thought that counts? Last year he got me a comic book.
That is one sucky thought.
That's why this Valentine's Day has to be perfect.
I want him to get me something sentimental, something that's going to surprise me, you know, like this exact bracelet.
Why don't you just tape this to a random piece of food in the fridge? I promise you he'll find it.
No, no, I want you to hint at it, but not tell him, so he thinks he comes up with it on his own and it'll be super-romantic.
Isn't Kip great? The real Kip or the imaginary one in your head? All right, I'm done signing the stack of lies.
So you want me to hint at something that you want from Dad, or are you guys going to do your normal boring nothing for Valentine's Day? A long time ago, your father and I realized that Valentine's Day is just a manufactured holiday.
Sing it, sister.
Mm-hmm.
We don't need to go out to an expensive restaurant or buy overpriced flowers.
We are perfectly happy laying on our couch in our heavily mortgaged home.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, did you remember to make the house payment? Just in time to avoid the late charge.
Yeah, you did.
That is hot.
Yes, I did.
Come here, come here, come here.
Yes, I did.
RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC Hey.
Hey.
You're out of beer.
You should put a list up on the fridge so we can write down what we want and you can go get it for us.
That's a great idea.
The new bass player is going to love that.
Fine.
Forget the list.
I'll just cop a buzz before I come over.
I miss you, too, but I got to go.
I'll call you in an hour.
No, I'll miss you more.
No, you more.
No, you.
(laughing): No, you more.
I got to go.
Bye.
What in the hell was that, besides nauseating? That was Tevin.
That Tevin thing's still going on? Yes, I finally timed a relationship to peak at Valentine's Day.
Not too early to be awkward, not too late that I want to punch him in the throat 'cause he chews too loud.
Look at what I got Hallie for Valentine's Day.
A comic book: Derm the Destroyer.
No, Kip, tha that's cute, but I don't know, wouldn't she like something more girlie like, I don't know, like a-- what, what-- like a bracelet? No, she's going to love this.
Derm is a superhero who was disfigured by a hideous rash, but that rash has the power to destroy villains.
Okay.
Kip, uh, "rash," "disfigured," "villains"-- these are not romantic buzzwords for the ladies.
If I were you, I'd go with something more classic like a, like, I don't know, like a, like a bracelet.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah? But I know Hallie way better than you do Ugh! Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip, she wants a bracelet.
Okay, look, this exact one, and it was your idea, so just buy it for her and surprise her.
Go, go, go.
So what are you and Jay going to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, well, Shannon's going to be at a sleepover Ooh so we are going to order pizza (chuckles) Lay on the couch, and watch us some Dexter.
Ah That's exactly what I did when I had the flu last week.
Patty, look, when you've been married as long as we have, you don't need to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day.
Right, Owen? (scoffing): Speak for yourself, dead of heart.
I always do a little something for Audrey.
She, she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Aw Now, normally I find you kind of annoying, but that was very sweet.
Normally, I find you kind of abrasive But? Forget the comic book.
There is a collectible Derm action figure that w ALL: Buy the damn bracelet.
Geez, Yoda, what's with the shedding? I've got enough hair on my Pledge Fabric Sweeper to make a whole other dog.
(barks) Don't worry.
No one's being replaced.
Yes, I'd like to order a large pineapple pizza.
Huh? No, it doesn't have to be in the shape of a heart.
Yep.
Yes, I know it's Valentine's Day.
No, I'm not single.
We just feel like it's a manufactured hol Would you just send the pizza? Honey, I think I have a pimple in my ear or something.
It's killing me.
Would you look in there? No one gets a pimple in their Oh, my God, it's huge.
It's huge, really? I got to look at this thing.
I can't get you to look at the leak in the attic, but this you're all over? Well, you look nice.
I know, don't I? I looked in the mirror and even I was like, "Wow.
" Oh, my God, honey, the pimple in my ear is huge.
What should I do? (doorbell rings) Uh, here's a thought: keep it to yourself.
Hey, Kip, you look so handsome.
I know, don't I? Even I looked in the mirror and I was like, "Wow.
" Oh, and I wrote you a poem.
(clears throat) "I'm taking you where I wanna "For off-the-hook eats at Benihana "We're gonna have teriyaki shrimp And I'm gonna pay for it 'cause I ain't no pimp.
" You're such a good rhymer.
Oh.
Thank you, my love Who I put above Okay, let's go.
Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.
It'd be heaven if you had her back by 11:00.
Jay.
Sorry, guys.
10:30 and don't be dirty.
(door closes) Ah, young love.
Yeah, that is so sweet.
Mm Thank God we're past that, huh? Mm.
Yeah, we got nothing to prove here.
I mean where are you going? (chuckles) Yeah, unless this is a flying couch, nowhere.
Yeah, I mean, the only heart we're going to be seeing today is the one Dexter pulls out of his next victim.
Happy Valentine's Day.
(chuckles) Right back at you.
Should we have sex or something? I don't know.
I was just up there.
Maybe later.
Play it by ear.
See how bloated I feel after the pizza.
(hoofbeats clopping) Oh, my God.
(laughing): Hey, Rita.
Would you take a picture of Audrey and me in our horse and carriage? Hi.
This is your "little something" for Valentine's Day? Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to overdo it this year.
Wow, this is really romantic.
I, I'm so impressed.
Audrey was blown away.
If I didn't know me, I'd want to marry me.
Well, Happy Valentine's Day.
You, too.
All right, wait until we ride away, and try to get the moon in the shot.
(hoofbeats clopping) Aw (snoring) Ew Hello.
Hey, so I heard Benihana was fun.
Oh, it was awesome.
The chef cooks food at your table and flings shrimp in the air.
It combined two of my favorite things: food and food juggling.
See, I thought your two favorite things were food and food mooching.
And look at this beautiful bracelet Kip surprised me with.
Isn't that beautiful? Kip, you really know how to pick 'em.
Well, I was looking at it for a while.
I, I just knew it was perfect for her.
Aw (both mouthing) Sweetie, what'd you get him? Hello, he's dating this.
Plus she got me a Derm the Destroyer action figure.
Very romantic.
Very.
It was a perfect Valentine's Day.
Mm-hmm.
Promise me we'll never get married and end up giving up like my parents.
Believe me, nobody wants that.
Whoa, whoa, what are you talking about, "giving up"? Your father and I are very romantic.
Good news, hon: I think that ear pimple went down.
Good news: we're leaving the room so we can keep our food down.
So, listen, I feel bad about last night.
You do? I'm so glad you said something 'cause so do I.
We undertipped the delivery guy and he gave us free cinnamon dippers.
Oh, so you don't feel bad about not going out for Valentine's Day? You remember like that place we used to go to on Dearborn? Honey, that place was overcrowded; it was overpriced; and we were miserable.
Remember, and then finally one year you said, "Screw Valentine's Day" and I fell in love with you all over again.
Yeah, I guess I did say that.
Hey! (squealing) Guess which one of you I want to talk to about my date last night? Thanks for the heads-up.
Bye-bye! So, I'm guessing the date went well? Oh! To put it in mail carrier terms, I got a package special delivery.
Wow, that That's great.
So super-happy for you.
Okay, what's wrong? I know a fake smile on my girl when I see it.
Wh-What fake smile?! That fake smile.
Come on.
What's going on? I don't wanna waste a good sex story on somebody who's not into it.
I just I thought I was fine with doing nothing for Valentine's Day, but then Owen got Audrey a horse and carriage, and you got, you know, your special delivery, and all I did was watch Jay sleep with a piece of pizza stuck to him.
Ooh, that that's bad.
No, it gets worse.
I ate that piece of pizza.
Oh, you're in a rut.
Yeah, I knew that the minute I put my pizza pants on.
Well, maybe you guys need to step it up a notch.
You know, do something crazy.
You're not talking like "extra person" crazy, 'cause I'm just not good at that awkward small talk.
(sniffing, sneezing) (knocking) Ooh! (screaming, giggling) I got you a romance emergency kit and Is that what you're wearing? No, this is what I'm wearing.
See? That's what I'm talking about! Move along.
Move along.
Move along.
But thank you! Okay, I got you a hot mix.
I got you some flower petals Ooh, heat-inducing massage oil? No, no, no, that's that's mine.
Um, I've been walking my route all day.
It loosens up my tendons.
I've never done anything like this before.
I feel so naughty.
The fact that you're using the word "naughty" pretty much says that.
So, everything seems to be set.
Yeah, yeah, Jay thinks he's meeting his client down in the lounge.
But I've instructed the bartender to send him up here, where he'll be meeting his 4:00.
(phone ringing) Okay, the first rule of romance is Hello? Don't answer the phone.
Hallie, I told you not to call.
No, I don't know where it is.
Well, here's an idea: maybe if you clean the entire house, you might find it.
(phone rings) Hold on one second.
Hello? Oh, okay.
He's on his way up? Okay, great, thank you.
Hallie, I gotta go and do not call again unless someone's missing a finger.
And it better be an important one! Bye.
All right, ringer off.
Romance on.
Okay, okay, don't talk about the kids.
Don't talk about the house, and you know what? Take this bedspread off.
People sit on that with no pants on.
Could've used that tip about an hour ago.
I'm putting the door latch on for Jay.
Have fun.
Bye! Bye! Ew.
Oh, Patty.
(knocking) (masculine voice): Come in, Clemens.
Rita? You gotta get out! I got a meeting in here! Your meeting is with me.
Surprise! What's going on? It's a little after Valentine's Day soiree.
Since we didn't get a chance to celebrate, I thought we might get a "do over.
" And over and over.
Break for room service.
And over All right, whoa, whoa, I just, whoo, I need a second.
I'm still in work mode.
Well, get out of it! Along with those pants.
I mean, you went through a lot of trouble.
And you look awesome.
You know what? This is turning out to be the best meeting I've had all year.
Well, I'm officially about to call it (taps glass) to order.
So, um, as happy as I'm about to be, may I ask what brought this on? I don't know, I thought maybe all those sappy Valentine's suckers were right, you know? We should be a little more "romance-y.
" Is that a word? "Romancey"? It's a word now.
Romancey.
I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day.
Well, it's not so much about Valentine's Day.
I just I didn't want to lose the spontaneity in our relationship.
Well, then, you have succeeded, because I was totally surprised.
Thank you, Mrs.
Clemens.
My pleasure, Mr.
Clemens.
(loud vibrating) What's wrong? I felt something vibrating.
Did we bring mechanical assistance? (phone vibrating) My phone Hallie, look under things What? Okay, calm down.
Okay, take him to the vet and we'll meet you there.
Okay, bye.
Something's wrong with the dog.
We better go.
I knew someday he'd get back at us for neutering him.
I shaved above the knees for this.
Mommy, is Yoda gonna be okay? Of course he is.
This is a good place.
They wouldn't fill the bulletin board with pictures of dogs that didn't make it.
Hey, so, I talked to the tech and they said they think Yoda swallowed something.
They're just waiting for it to pass.
Pass? Poop.
Cool! Hey, honey, do you know, if, uh, Yoda has a history of hypertension in his family? You know, he seems pretty relaxed.
I'm gonna go with "no.
" I'm sorry I had to call you.
Sweetie, it's not your fault.
I just feel bad, you know, instead of being at a fancy hotel with Dad, you're here waiting for our dog to poop.
Yeah, well, things happen.
You know, it's like that time your dad and I wanted to jet off to Paris on one of those last-minute cheapy deals, but then Shannon got the chicken pox; we had to call it off.
Shannon always ruins everything.
We'll go to Paris one day.
In any marriage, no matter how perfect, sometimes romance and spontaneity have to take a backseat.
Yoda Clemens? Doctor, is he okay? He's fine.
The, uh, blockage was due to this bracelet he swallowed.
Oh, my God! That's the bracelet Kip got me! I thought I lost it! Can we see Yoda now? Follow me.
(sighing) What do you say we buy a dog collar and slip back to the hotel? Hi, Mommy.
How was your day? Traffic was crazy.
The customers were crabby.
Adulthood? Other than having a later bedtime-- totally overrated.
The dryer's making that weird noise again.
Oh, of course it is.
Why should the crap stop rolling just 'cause the sun went down? Look at me.
Look at me.
Don't repeat that.
Oh, my gosh! Bonjour, Mademoiselle Clemens.
A very happy belated Valentine's Day.
What is going on here? Well, since we can't make it to Paris anytime soon, I figured I'd bring a little Paris to you.
S'il vous plait vous asseoir.
I know it sounds dirty.
It just means "sit down.
" I I cannot believe you did all this.
But more importantly, I can't believe you play the accordion.
(plays melody) Oui.
Listen, Reet, I love you.
And I don't want you to ever think that romance and spontaneity has to take a backseat to the rest of our lives.
So, the dryer's not really broken? We'll talk about that later.
(clears throat) May I have this dance? C'est si bon De partir n'importe ou Bras dessus bras dessus En chantant des chansons C'est si bon These people speak French? Who are they?! De se dire des mots doux De petit rien du tout Mais qui en disent long Ooh, (giggling) C'est bon Si bon si bon Voila C'est bon Si bon si bon Les passants dans la rue Si bon si bon Bras dessus bras dessus Si bon si bon En chantant des chansons Si bon si bon Quel espior merveilleux Si bon si bon (purring) C'est si bon.
Captioned by Media
We should train him to be in one.
Honey, I can't even train the things in this house that can talk.
For example, you're supposed to be helping me fill out Valentine's Day cards.
I already did all the ones for the kids I like.
Honey, you have to give them to everyone in your class.
You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
They're kids; they'll get over it.
Stop quoting me back to me.
Let's move, move, move, move.
Come on.
(mumbles) You can't dislike them all.
What about Gordon Kluckner? He breathes through his mouth and carries a briefcase.
Honey, one day you're going to need your taxes done, and you're going to want to know a Gordon Kluckner.
Hey, Mom.
I need to borrow 50 bucks.
Tell the bank I said hi.
But I need to buy Kip a Valentine's Day gift.
What about all that money you make at work? You can't have spent it all.
Hello, I'm a teenager.
Have we met? Come on, please.
All right, fine, but you pay me back by next Wednesday and you have to do the dishes every night this week.
Every night? That seems excessive.
Hello, I'm your mother.
Have we met? Yes or no? All right, fine, but when you see Kip at band practice, can you suggest a Valentine's Day gift that I'm gonna like? Isn't it the thought that counts? Last year he got me a comic book.
That is one sucky thought.
That's why this Valentine's Day has to be perfect.
I want him to get me something sentimental, something that's going to surprise me, you know, like this exact bracelet.
Why don't you just tape this to a random piece of food in the fridge? I promise you he'll find it.
No, no, I want you to hint at it, but not tell him, so he thinks he comes up with it on his own and it'll be super-romantic.
Isn't Kip great? The real Kip or the imaginary one in your head? All right, I'm done signing the stack of lies.
So you want me to hint at something that you want from Dad, or are you guys going to do your normal boring nothing for Valentine's Day? A long time ago, your father and I realized that Valentine's Day is just a manufactured holiday.
Sing it, sister.
Mm-hmm.
We don't need to go out to an expensive restaurant or buy overpriced flowers.
We are perfectly happy laying on our couch in our heavily mortgaged home.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, did you remember to make the house payment? Just in time to avoid the late charge.
Yeah, you did.
That is hot.
Yes, I did.
Come here, come here, come here.
Yes, I did.
RITA ROCKS PRODUCTIONS, LLC Hey.
Hey.
You're out of beer.
You should put a list up on the fridge so we can write down what we want and you can go get it for us.
That's a great idea.
The new bass player is going to love that.
Fine.
Forget the list.
I'll just cop a buzz before I come over.
I miss you, too, but I got to go.
I'll call you in an hour.
No, I'll miss you more.
No, you more.
No, you.
(laughing): No, you more.
I got to go.
Bye.
What in the hell was that, besides nauseating? That was Tevin.
That Tevin thing's still going on? Yes, I finally timed a relationship to peak at Valentine's Day.
Not too early to be awkward, not too late that I want to punch him in the throat 'cause he chews too loud.
Look at what I got Hallie for Valentine's Day.
A comic book: Derm the Destroyer.
No, Kip, tha that's cute, but I don't know, wouldn't she like something more girlie like, I don't know, like a-- what, what-- like a bracelet? No, she's going to love this.
Derm is a superhero who was disfigured by a hideous rash, but that rash has the power to destroy villains.
Okay.
Kip, uh, "rash," "disfigured," "villains"-- these are not romantic buzzwords for the ladies.
If I were you, I'd go with something more classic like a, like, I don't know, like a, like a bracelet.
I see what you're saying.
Yeah? But I know Hallie way better than you do Ugh! Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip, she wants a bracelet.
Okay, look, this exact one, and it was your idea, so just buy it for her and surprise her.
Go, go, go.
So what are you and Jay going to do for Valentine's Day? Oh, well, Shannon's going to be at a sleepover Ooh so we are going to order pizza (chuckles) Lay on the couch, and watch us some Dexter.
Ah That's exactly what I did when I had the flu last week.
Patty, look, when you've been married as long as we have, you don't need to make a big deal out of Valentine's Day.
Right, Owen? (scoffing): Speak for yourself, dead of heart.
I always do a little something for Audrey.
She, she's the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
Aw Now, normally I find you kind of annoying, but that was very sweet.
Normally, I find you kind of abrasive But? Forget the comic book.
There is a collectible Derm action figure that w ALL: Buy the damn bracelet.
Geez, Yoda, what's with the shedding? I've got enough hair on my Pledge Fabric Sweeper to make a whole other dog.
(barks) Don't worry.
No one's being replaced.
Yes, I'd like to order a large pineapple pizza.
Huh? No, it doesn't have to be in the shape of a heart.
Yep.
Yes, I know it's Valentine's Day.
No, I'm not single.
We just feel like it's a manufactured hol Would you just send the pizza? Honey, I think I have a pimple in my ear or something.
It's killing me.
Would you look in there? No one gets a pimple in their Oh, my God, it's huge.
It's huge, really? I got to look at this thing.
I can't get you to look at the leak in the attic, but this you're all over? Well, you look nice.
I know, don't I? I looked in the mirror and even I was like, "Wow.
" Oh, my God, honey, the pimple in my ear is huge.
What should I do? (doorbell rings) Uh, here's a thought: keep it to yourself.
Hey, Kip, you look so handsome.
I know, don't I? Even I looked in the mirror and I was like, "Wow.
" Oh, and I wrote you a poem.
(clears throat) "I'm taking you where I wanna "For off-the-hook eats at Benihana "We're gonna have teriyaki shrimp And I'm gonna pay for it 'cause I ain't no pimp.
" You're such a good rhymer.
Oh.
Thank you, my love Who I put above Okay, let's go.
Kip, Kip, Kip, Kip.
It'd be heaven if you had her back by 11:00.
Jay.
Sorry, guys.
10:30 and don't be dirty.
(door closes) Ah, young love.
Yeah, that is so sweet.
Mm Thank God we're past that, huh? Mm.
Yeah, we got nothing to prove here.
I mean where are you going? (chuckles) Yeah, unless this is a flying couch, nowhere.
Yeah, I mean, the only heart we're going to be seeing today is the one Dexter pulls out of his next victim.
Happy Valentine's Day.
(chuckles) Right back at you.
Should we have sex or something? I don't know.
I was just up there.
Maybe later.
Play it by ear.
See how bloated I feel after the pizza.
(hoofbeats clopping) Oh, my God.
(laughing): Hey, Rita.
Would you take a picture of Audrey and me in our horse and carriage? Hi.
This is your "little something" for Valentine's Day? Yeah, yeah, I didn't want to overdo it this year.
Wow, this is really romantic.
I, I'm so impressed.
Audrey was blown away.
If I didn't know me, I'd want to marry me.
Well, Happy Valentine's Day.
You, too.
All right, wait until we ride away, and try to get the moon in the shot.
(hoofbeats clopping) Aw (snoring) Ew Hello.
Hey, so I heard Benihana was fun.
Oh, it was awesome.
The chef cooks food at your table and flings shrimp in the air.
It combined two of my favorite things: food and food juggling.
See, I thought your two favorite things were food and food mooching.
And look at this beautiful bracelet Kip surprised me with.
Isn't that beautiful? Kip, you really know how to pick 'em.
Well, I was looking at it for a while.
I, I just knew it was perfect for her.
Aw (both mouthing) Sweetie, what'd you get him? Hello, he's dating this.
Plus she got me a Derm the Destroyer action figure.
Very romantic.
Very.
It was a perfect Valentine's Day.
Mm-hmm.
Promise me we'll never get married and end up giving up like my parents.
Believe me, nobody wants that.
Whoa, whoa, what are you talking about, "giving up"? Your father and I are very romantic.
Good news, hon: I think that ear pimple went down.
Good news: we're leaving the room so we can keep our food down.
So, listen, I feel bad about last night.
You do? I'm so glad you said something 'cause so do I.
We undertipped the delivery guy and he gave us free cinnamon dippers.
Oh, so you don't feel bad about not going out for Valentine's Day? You remember like that place we used to go to on Dearborn? Honey, that place was overcrowded; it was overpriced; and we were miserable.
Remember, and then finally one year you said, "Screw Valentine's Day" and I fell in love with you all over again.
Yeah, I guess I did say that.
Hey! (squealing) Guess which one of you I want to talk to about my date last night? Thanks for the heads-up.
Bye-bye! So, I'm guessing the date went well? Oh! To put it in mail carrier terms, I got a package special delivery.
Wow, that That's great.
So super-happy for you.
Okay, what's wrong? I know a fake smile on my girl when I see it.
Wh-What fake smile?! That fake smile.
Come on.
What's going on? I don't wanna waste a good sex story on somebody who's not into it.
I just I thought I was fine with doing nothing for Valentine's Day, but then Owen got Audrey a horse and carriage, and you got, you know, your special delivery, and all I did was watch Jay sleep with a piece of pizza stuck to him.
Ooh, that that's bad.
No, it gets worse.
I ate that piece of pizza.
Oh, you're in a rut.
Yeah, I knew that the minute I put my pizza pants on.
Well, maybe you guys need to step it up a notch.
You know, do something crazy.
You're not talking like "extra person" crazy, 'cause I'm just not good at that awkward small talk.
(sniffing, sneezing) (knocking) Ooh! (screaming, giggling) I got you a romance emergency kit and Is that what you're wearing? No, this is what I'm wearing.
See? That's what I'm talking about! Move along.
Move along.
Move along.
But thank you! Okay, I got you a hot mix.
I got you some flower petals Ooh, heat-inducing massage oil? No, no, no, that's that's mine.
Um, I've been walking my route all day.
It loosens up my tendons.
I've never done anything like this before.
I feel so naughty.
The fact that you're using the word "naughty" pretty much says that.
So, everything seems to be set.
Yeah, yeah, Jay thinks he's meeting his client down in the lounge.
But I've instructed the bartender to send him up here, where he'll be meeting his 4:00.
(phone ringing) Okay, the first rule of romance is Hello? Don't answer the phone.
Hallie, I told you not to call.
No, I don't know where it is.
Well, here's an idea: maybe if you clean the entire house, you might find it.
(phone rings) Hold on one second.
Hello? Oh, okay.
He's on his way up? Okay, great, thank you.
Hallie, I gotta go and do not call again unless someone's missing a finger.
And it better be an important one! Bye.
All right, ringer off.
Romance on.
Okay, okay, don't talk about the kids.
Don't talk about the house, and you know what? Take this bedspread off.
People sit on that with no pants on.
Could've used that tip about an hour ago.
I'm putting the door latch on for Jay.
Have fun.
Bye! Bye! Ew.
Oh, Patty.
(knocking) (masculine voice): Come in, Clemens.
Rita? You gotta get out! I got a meeting in here! Your meeting is with me.
Surprise! What's going on? It's a little after Valentine's Day soiree.
Since we didn't get a chance to celebrate, I thought we might get a "do over.
" And over and over.
Break for room service.
And over All right, whoa, whoa, I just, whoo, I need a second.
I'm still in work mode.
Well, get out of it! Along with those pants.
I mean, you went through a lot of trouble.
And you look awesome.
You know what? This is turning out to be the best meeting I've had all year.
Well, I'm officially about to call it (taps glass) to order.
So, um, as happy as I'm about to be, may I ask what brought this on? I don't know, I thought maybe all those sappy Valentine's suckers were right, you know? We should be a little more "romance-y.
" Is that a word? "Romancey"? It's a word now.
Romancey.
I thought we didn't care about Valentine's Day.
Well, it's not so much about Valentine's Day.
I just I didn't want to lose the spontaneity in our relationship.
Well, then, you have succeeded, because I was totally surprised.
Thank you, Mrs.
Clemens.
My pleasure, Mr.
Clemens.
(loud vibrating) What's wrong? I felt something vibrating.
Did we bring mechanical assistance? (phone vibrating) My phone Hallie, look under things What? Okay, calm down.
Okay, take him to the vet and we'll meet you there.
Okay, bye.
Something's wrong with the dog.
We better go.
I knew someday he'd get back at us for neutering him.
I shaved above the knees for this.
Mommy, is Yoda gonna be okay? Of course he is.
This is a good place.
They wouldn't fill the bulletin board with pictures of dogs that didn't make it.
Hey, so, I talked to the tech and they said they think Yoda swallowed something.
They're just waiting for it to pass.
Pass? Poop.
Cool! Hey, honey, do you know, if, uh, Yoda has a history of hypertension in his family? You know, he seems pretty relaxed.
I'm gonna go with "no.
" I'm sorry I had to call you.
Sweetie, it's not your fault.
I just feel bad, you know, instead of being at a fancy hotel with Dad, you're here waiting for our dog to poop.
Yeah, well, things happen.
You know, it's like that time your dad and I wanted to jet off to Paris on one of those last-minute cheapy deals, but then Shannon got the chicken pox; we had to call it off.
Shannon always ruins everything.
We'll go to Paris one day.
In any marriage, no matter how perfect, sometimes romance and spontaneity have to take a backseat.
Yoda Clemens? Doctor, is he okay? He's fine.
The, uh, blockage was due to this bracelet he swallowed.
Oh, my God! That's the bracelet Kip got me! I thought I lost it! Can we see Yoda now? Follow me.
(sighing) What do you say we buy a dog collar and slip back to the hotel? Hi, Mommy.
How was your day? Traffic was crazy.
The customers were crabby.
Adulthood? Other than having a later bedtime-- totally overrated.
The dryer's making that weird noise again.
Oh, of course it is.
Why should the crap stop rolling just 'cause the sun went down? Look at me.
Look at me.
Don't repeat that.
Oh, my gosh! Bonjour, Mademoiselle Clemens.
A very happy belated Valentine's Day.
What is going on here? Well, since we can't make it to Paris anytime soon, I figured I'd bring a little Paris to you.
S'il vous plait vous asseoir.
I know it sounds dirty.
It just means "sit down.
" I I cannot believe you did all this.
But more importantly, I can't believe you play the accordion.
(plays melody) Oui.
Listen, Reet, I love you.
And I don't want you to ever think that romance and spontaneity has to take a backseat to the rest of our lives.
So, the dryer's not really broken? We'll talk about that later.
(clears throat) May I have this dance? C'est si bon De partir n'importe ou Bras dessus bras dessus En chantant des chansons C'est si bon These people speak French? Who are they?! De se dire des mots doux De petit rien du tout Mais qui en disent long Ooh, (giggling) C'est bon Si bon si bon Voila C'est bon Si bon si bon Les passants dans la rue Si bon si bon Bras dessus bras dessus Si bon si bon En chantant des chansons Si bon si bon Quel espior merveilleux Si bon si bon (purring) C'est si bon.
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