The Garfield Show (2008) s01e19 Episode Script

1
-[Garfield snoring]
-[alarm rings]
[upbeat theme song playing]
-[Garfield] Hee-hee!
-[remote clicks]
[Garfield snickers]
-"Kick puppy off table," check.
-[Odie lands]
[humming]
[Garfield laughs]
"Eating Jon's lunch for him," check.
"Shred new drapes."
Check.
Okay, that's everything
on my to-do list for today.
[Jon chuckles]
Huh?
-[Odie yips]
-[crash!]
[snarls]
[crunch]
Here, please send this off.
In case you're wondering,
I just sent that DVD I made
of you misbehaving to Dr. Whipple.
No! Not Dr. Whipple!
I want to watch
a really mindless game show
featuring people dressed up
as large chickens.
I don't care what you want to watch,
we're going to watch Dr. Whipple.
As you know, I specialize
in teaching obedience to pets,
especially cats who don't know
how to behave
and are lazy, rude and impossible.
I hear there are such cats.
Yesterday on this show,
I showed you one of the worst-behaved cats
I've ever come across.
Here's tape of how Kittykins used to be.
[gasping]
[chuckles] Seems like my kind of guy.
In fact, Kittykins looks kind of familiar.
Since then, I have put Kittykins
through my no-fail,
guaranteed pet obedience training
and here he is.
[applause]
Ahem! Kittykins, would you like
to chase this bird?
No.
Oh, what a lovely little kitten.
[purring]
You see, you can train
your disobedient pet
with my exclusive line of DVDs,
tapes, books, computer software
Don't worry, Garfield.
I'm not going to order
all that expensive equipment.
Good. For a minute there, I thought
[doorbell rings]
Come on in! It's open!
Jon, you didn't! You wouldn't!
You couldn't!
-You did.
-Come with me, cat.
[sighs]
Farewell, Odie.
I'll be back.
But I may not be me when I return.
[Odie whines]
-Jon, how could you do this to me?
-[Whipple] Good morning, cat.
If you do as you're told,
we can get through this in a hurry.
After several hours of my training,
you will be a tame,
docile cat like Kittykins here.
Why does Kittykins look so familiar to me?
First training method. The sound chamber.
This will instill in you a sense
of warning if you misbehave.
[buttons beeping]
-Don't scratch!
-Don't mistreat puppies
Eat what you've been given.
-I'll be back in about an hour.
-Oh, no!
Alright. It's an hour later.
Fine. We're off to a good start.
Yecch!
This is to break you
of your atrocious habit
of kicking small puppies off of tables.
Whenever you kick the robotic puppy off
Well, just try it and see what happens.
-[clang!]
-Well, that was easy.
I'm not taking this lying down.
-[clang!]
-[laughs]
What?
-[crash!]
-[Garfield snarls]
Why, you
[clanging and crashing]
[Garfield panting]
[cuckoo clock chiming]
[sighs] I know just how you feel, pal.
And now it's time to eat.
Why do I feel this is the first time ever
I'm not gonna like doing that?
Right here is your food
Kitty Krunch dry nuggets,
Styrofoam flavor.
And here is my dinner,
prime rib with mashed potatoes,
gravy, creamed corn
and apple pie a la mode for dessert.
Yum and double yum.
You must eat your food
and not eat my food.
Because do you know what will happen
if you try to eat my food?
-[slam!]
-Ouch! Ouch!
That's right. If you try for my food,
a half-ton safe will drop on you.
So I noticed.
[slam!]
-Now, make the correct choice.
-[slam!]
Cat, every time you reach
for the prime rib,
the safe will drop on you.
Don't you realize this?
[chuckles]
Then why do you keep reaching
for the prime rib?
Because it's just the way I like it.
Medium rare.
[slam!]
Now you've had the complete program.
And somehow I survived.
You'll be perfectly behaved
when we do my TV show in one hour.
Oh, that was awful.
It was worse than awful; it would
have to get better just to be awful.
-Hi, Garfield.
-Hi, Kittykins.
Hey, how do you know my name, Kittykins?
Wait! You're Harry,
that cat from my neighborhood.
That's me.
What are you doing pretending to be
a tame cat named Kittykins?
You're as bad as I am.
I got me a job.
I pretend to be a successful result
of Doc Whipple's training
and every day,
he pays me my weight in tuna fish.
He can afford that?
Are you kidding?
You know how much this guy makes
off these stupid lessons he sells?
How much does he make?
Enough to pay you your weight in tuna.
Well, that's a lot of tuna.
Yeah, play along. Help him sell the stuff
and you could have
the same great job I have.
Which would I rather have?
My weight in tuna every day?
Or my integrity?
Oh, these moral decisions are hard.
And now, the world's foremost trainer
of problem pets, Dr. Whipple!
[applause]
Thank you.
Today, you will see the results
of my greatest challenge
the worst-behaved cat
I'd ever seen, Garfield.
I put him through my extreme
housebreaking program.
And now you will see the results.
Garfield?
[fanfare plays]
[applause]
Garfield, do you have any desire
to mistreat small puppies?
-[crowd gasps]
-Impressive.
Do you have any desire
to steal food or shred drapes?
That cat has become so well behaved.
We have to order Dr. Whipple's DVDs,
tapes and books.
But we don't have a cat.
Very good, Garfield.
Now, is there anything you'd like to do?
Yes This.
Catch him!
Going down!
That cat is not well-behaved!
I thought Dr. Whipple had trained him
not to do things like that!
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
I have to go tend to matters.
Got him!
Struggle all you want, cat.
You ain't getting away.
There he is!
That cat who's trying to ruin my business.
Who, me? Sweet, well-behaved me?
But it won't work.
The public is too stupid to catch on.
So what if my training program
doesn't work?
They still send me tons of money,
those idiots.
I got a sweet racket going here
and you won't stop me.
Dr. Whipple, they're hearing you
on national television.
They can't hear me.
I left my microphone on stage.
They can
Do you have any further words
for our listening audience, Doctor?
You miserable little
I'm taking my cat home,
thank you very much.
-Right!
-[crowd jeering]
Thanks for the lessons, Doc!
Dr. Whipple! The phone lines are jammed
with customers cancelling orders
and demanding refunds.
Why didn't you teach that cat
how to behave?
I did. Unfortunately,
that's how he behaves.
[TV playing softly]
Garfield, I wanted to say again
how sorry I am I sent you
to that terrible doctor.
Oh, I'd say eight more apologies
ought to do it.
Well, Odie. I'm home and I'm still me.
Dr. Whipple didn't whip me
into shape the way he wanted.
Oh, that reminds me.
It's time for his show.
The Dr. Whipple Show,
normally seen at this time,
will never be seen again.
This couldn't have gone better.
Instead, stay tuned
for a really mindless game show
featuring people dressed
as large chickens.
-[TV audience applauding]
-I was wrong. That's better.
[eerie organ music plays]
[wolf howls]
[eerie music playing]
[tires screech]
Jon's cousin passed away
and he left him something in his will.
[wolf howls]
I hope it's edible and there's lots of it.
[slurps]
You must be Jon Arbuckle.
We've been waiting for you.
-Do come in.
-Thanks.
I'm Mr. Connors.
I am the attorney representing the estate
of your cousin Ichabod.
-[Jon] I hope we're in time.
-[Connors] We've been waiting for you.
[Jon] Is Doc Boy here yet?
[Connors] Your brother is
waiting for the will.
He does ask that people
not address him as "Doc Boy."
[Jon] I'll try very hard
to respect his wishes.
Doc Boy, Doc Boy, Doc Boy!
[chuckles]
Don't call me Doc Boy!
Okay, Doc Boy.
That's Jon trying very hard
to respect his brother's wishes.
Gentlemen. It is sad
that your cousin Ichabod has left us.
He was the greatest guy
in the whole world.
He was a prince among men.
Did you ever meet him?
No. Did you?
Your cousin left an estate
worth a fortune.
He also left his will
in the form of this DVD he recorded.
[beep]
He left his will as a DVD?
Couldn't we watch cartoons instead?
Hello to my relatives.
If you're watching this DVD,
then I'm gone.
But I wanted to make this for you,
Jon and Doc Boy.
Don't call me Doc Boy!
As you probably know,
my estate is worth a fortune.
Since I never got to meet you,
I couldn't decide which one of you
should inherit it.
How about leaving it to a cat?
So I decided to come up with a test,
a test to see which of you was the bravest
and therefore the most deserving.
Some people say my house is haunted.
Maybe it is. I want you two to stay here.
Whichever of you lasts the longest
gets my fortune.
The first one to leave is out of the will
and he gets nothing!
Have a nice night
and watch out for ghosts!
[laughing maniacally]
Those are the terms of the will.
Please come with me.
[both gasp]
You can stay in this room.
Jon will be down the hall.
He was kidding
about this ghost stuff, right?
Yeah. We always heard Cousin Ichabod
liked playing tricks on people.
[Connors] I'm just the lawyer.
I enforce the rules.
But, just between us
Even for a million dollars,
I wouldn't spend one night in this house!
[screams]
[clang!]
I'm starting to feel that way myself.
Well, Jon. Looks like
we're really spending the night
-in a haunted house.
-[wolf howls]
Yeah.
Well, at least it isn't dark
and all stormy with lightning and thunder.
[thunder crashing]
[Odie yelps, Jon screams]
Well, you have a great future
as a weatherman on television.
Well, maybe we should go to our room.
Yeah. Hey, is it okay
if Odie keeps me company, Jon?
-If he wants. Good night.
-[thunder crashes]
[screeching]
[doors slam shut]
This is a nice room.
We have a nice bed, a private bathroom,
a TV set. What more could anyone want?
Oh, right. Food.
There are scarier things than ghosts.
Like lack of dinner.
If you want food, Garfield,
you have to find it.
You mean alone?
[metallic banging]
[Garfield screams]
[panting]
-[growling]
-What was that?
It's you. Hey, don't worry.
I'll find some food to put in you.
-Did you hear something, Odie?
-Uh-huh.
There are moments in this world
that call for bravery.
[panting]
That was tough but no one
will be able to get in here.
-Yes, but now no one can get out.
-[laughing maniacally]
There must be a kitchen
in this place somewhere.
[bell tolling]
[Garfield chuckles]
[music plays]
[Garfield screams]
Paws, don't fail me now!
Have a nice ride!
[clang!]
Oh, my. Where's the room with Jon in it?
Hey, mice!
Mice like me because I don't eat them.
Hey, guys! I'm lost.
Could you tell me
where the master bedroom is?
Or better still, the kitchen?
[screams]
Those aren't mice! Those are bats!
-[bats screeching]
-[Garfield screaming]
[skeleton] I was wrong. You can get out.
[screeching]
[maniacal laughter]
-[doors slamming]
-[Garfield screaming]
That's Odie! Odie?
-[bell tolling]
-[door creaks]
[gasps]
[growls]
[shrieks]
-Odie?
-[shrieks]
[creature growls]
-Odie?
-[shrieks]
Aaah! Again!
[bats screeching]
[screaming]
I've got to get rid of these bats somehow.
[eerie music playing]
[like Dracula] If you are looking
for that handsome pussycat,
he went that way.
[bats screeching]
[panting]
-[Odie yowling]
-I won't hurt you, little dog.
[crash!]
-Odie! What are you running from?
-That!
[maniacal laughter]
You know, Odie,
that's a very good thing to run from.
Watch how I do it.
[screams]
Wait for me!
[screaming, yowling]
Odie? Garfield? Doc Boy?
[sighs]
[shrieks]
-[screaming]
-[maniacal laughter]
I think we lost him for now.
But he'll catch us if we that is,
if I don't come up with a brilliant plan.
[chuckles]
[screeching]
I think I lost them.
[screams]
I bet that's the guy behind all this.
-[crash!]
-I recognize those sounds of pain.
Doc Boy! Are you okay?
Doc Boy, speak to me.
Oh, poor Doc Boy.
Don't call me Doc Boy.
-[clang!]
-[monsters growling]
[screeching]
[Garfield] Okay, keep it steady, Odie.
This is gonna be great.
I'm an evil ghost here to scare you.
Come on! Be scared. Why aren't you scared?
Looks like I'm a naked ghost.
Help!
[skeleton] You can't get out!
You're trapped!
There must be something we can do.
[armor clangs]
[Odie] Huh?
Odie! This suit of armor thing!
It does everything I do. Watch this.
[screeching]
Nowhere to run, no way out.
[screams]
-[Jon] Huh?
-[crash!]
-[thud!]
-[sparks zapping]
I figured it out, Odie!
These are robot ghosts
like in an amusement park,
all except for this guy,
who must be the guy behind it all.
He set it up to scare Jon
and his brother out of the house
so he could keep Cousin Ichabod's fortune.
Really?
Yeah, I learned this kind of thing
watching cartoons on television.
And now for the unmasking,
it has to be that lawyer guy!
Huh?
-It can't be!
-But it is!
[Jon and Doc Boy] Cousin Ichabod!
-The reading of the will.
-We thought you were gone.
Fooled you, didn't I?
[laughing maniacally]
I couldn't figure out which of you
would get my estate
so I set this up as a test!
-Well, don't keep us in suspense.
-Yeah! Who won?
Neither of you.
You were both too cowardly.
I told you, leave everything to a cat.
See ya later, cousins!
[laughing maniacally]
Boy, the looks on your cowardly faces.
Watch this.
Ugggh!
[chandelier jingling]
[birds chirping]
[armor clanging]
[Odie muttering]
No, it hasn't all been a waste of time
because I'm gonna get
something useful out of it.
[Odie] Huh?
Oh, ooh, a little lower.
Ahhh! Wonderful, wonderful. Ooh!
This is better than a mansion
and a fortune any day.
Right there, right there!