Ultimate Spider-Man (2011) s01e19 Episode Script

1x19 - Home Sick Hulk The optimists' club is picking me up any minute.
It's so exciting! Are you sure you'll be okay? Me, okay? It's just a weekend.
Go, enjoy! Don't even think about me.
I cooked you a little food.
Hopefully you won't run out.
Not unless I invite the entire school over.
I left some money on the counter and hid a spare key on the stoop.
I have a key.
In case you get locked out, like last time, and the time before.
I'm completely capable of taking care of myself.
It's so cute that you think so, sweetie, but I don't think your pets would agree.
Pets? Peter, I'm back! Peter, I'm back! Peter, I'm back! Uh-oh.
Everything will be fine.
I'm older now.
I could take care of a pet, if you'd ever let me get another one.
You just go, have fun.
Don't forget to lock the doors.
And brush your teeth! And bring in the mail! A and the plants water the plants! Goodbye, aunt May! Pfft.
I can take care of myself.
I already take of four teammates, five boroughs and even New Jersey when I have to.
Aunt May worries way too much.
Something's headed for the city.
I don't see anything.
I'm going to need a bird's eye heh, bug's eye view.
I'd make a wish, but that would take time away from making contact.
And whatever this thing is, it's headed right for the old world's fair grounds.
What is this thing, some outer space golf ball? Uh-oh.
The Hulk?! Whoa, green guy! No smashing required! We're buds, Hulk! Remember? What's wrong with you? I mean, outside from being huge, green and half-naked.
Uh-oh.
Team! Unidentified space-borne object just landed in the old world's fair grounds.
Get down there and report.
Already on it, Fury.
Sending you a video capture.
Need you to tell me what not on Earth this thing is! Quit twisting! I'm trying to help you! Spider-man, positive id as a Phalanx.
Alien species, highly infectious.
Keep your distance.
Don't let it touch you.
I got your back, big guy.
- Uh-oh.
- Smash! Nice work, big green! Yeah! High five? No? Okay.
Help Hulk No, no, no, no, no, oh! Help Spidey What was that noise? That was the Hulk that was Never hesitate to tell the truth! Tell truth, and SHIELD put friend in cage! I'll get back to you, Fury.
Busy here.
Spidey out.
Whoa.
What is that? - Uh! - Don't hang up on me! We're almost there.
Now, what is the situation? The situation is that Phalanx thing is scrap metal now, and If bug man really friend, he'll keep Hulk from lockdown.
And? And I have got some huge homework, so I'm going to leave the cleanup to your SHIELD guys.
Bye! Don't ha Okay, so taking him home maybe wasn't the best idea, but Where am Hulk? He wasn't looking his usual green self.
Bug man! Where you take Hulk? No, no, no, no, no! Don't sit up! Where Hulk? Somewhere safe, where we can figure out what that Phalanx thing did to you, and why.
Hulk no like puny metal creatures! But Hulk like bug man.
That's good.
I like you, too.
And Spidey no like puny creatures either, to put it Hulk-ly.
- Hulk and bug man smash again! - Totally, yeah! But in the meantime, do you have any other hobbies besides smashing? Smashing good! Hulk also like music.
Hey, me, too! You play any instruments? - Hulk smash piano once.
- Yeah, I can imagine.
So, where do you live? Maybe if we can get you there Hulk live wherever Hulk is.
- That's the same as living nowhere.
- And everywhere.
Huh, guess I never thought of it like that.
I Hey, stay put! Huh? That thing is still in you.
Peter, I'm back! What?! This soon? Oh, no, no, no! - Peter? - Someone coming for Hulk! Shh! Be be right there! No one's coming for you.
Just stay right here.
Don't make any sounds, and don't move.
I'm going to help you.
I just don't know how yet.
Peter, is everything all right? Oh.
Couldn't be better! Oh Peter, is everything all right? Aunt, Hulk, holes, costume, panic! Aunt May! What are you doing here? I twisted my ankle, of all things.
I whitewater raft, I bungee jump I ATV, and then I go and do this just by stepping off a curb, augh! But don't worry about me.
I'll climb in bed and ice my foot.
Stairs? Oh, aunt May! Stairs? Really, stairs?! Now, you turn right back around and go sit down.
- Downstairs! This instant! - Well, I I guess I - What was that? - Let me look.
I said stay put, you! Shh! - Rats in the attic? - Better than bats in the belfry.
Oh, aunt May, you are a riot! But I have to insist you stay off that foot.
- Downstairs, go! - I just wanted to get my I'll get it! - Hulk nose run.
- Oh, really? The curtains? Hulk need to sneeze! Ah ah No! Wait! Don't Could I borrow the curtain, please? Do not make me come back in here! It was nothing, just some books.
I have tons of homework.
Literally tons, so Then don't worry about me.
I I can take care of you and get done what I need to get done.
I promise you won't end up like my pets.
Now, let me go get some ice for that ankle.
Okay, just stay in bed, stay very still, and no matter what, don't leave this Uh-oh.
Hulk, get back here! Hulk leave room if Hulk want.
No.
Hulk stay in room like bug man say, or bug man get why am I talking like you? You can't leave because because I'm your friend, and I'm looking for a way to help you feel better, and I need a little time for that.
Hulk wait because Hulk feel sleepy, not because bug man say to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever you say.
Just stay put.
Uh-oh! Aunt May, come back! I said I'd take care of you, and that's exactly what I'm going to do.
Isn't that sweet of you? I'm just glad I'm not his goldfish.
I'll go wait in the living room.
No! The den will be much cozier.
There.
See? Nice, right? If I didn't know better, I'd think you were hiding a girl upstairs.
Well, you do know better then because a girl is the last thing I have hiding upstairs.
What in the world? - Just seismic tremors.
- An Earthquake? Here? Sure! There are all kinds of faults around here.
Most of them in my storytelling.
Unwelcome pests in your home? - Peter, it's too loud! - What? I can't hear you, it's too loud! - Here's something to read.
- The phone book? I'd better go check the internet to see where that tremor was centered.
- What are you doing?! - Mosquito.
- Huh.
Got it.
- Shh! Also, ew! But mostly, shh! You have to be quiet.
My aunt is downstairs! Hulk smash puny ant! Not ant, "ant".
Aunt, "aunt"! You know, like uncle? You will not smash.
Peter! Oh! Shush! I mean it this time.
I've never seen those socks before.
Uh.
They're new.
Big sock sale at the sock store.
Sock store, seriously? The best I can do? Ugh, weak sauce.
- Here, your eye mask! - But I'm not sleepy.
I Sleepy schmeepy! It's soothing.
Music! Just relax until I get back.
- Oh, Hulk, what are you doing? - Eat.
- Obviously! - Shush! I mean, what are you doing downstairs? I told you to wait! Hulk quiet, not squash ant, and leave pickle for bug man! Uh uh! Yeah, he left me a big pickle.
Now, let me look at that barb in your Hulk dizzy.
I dare anyone to tell me how this situation gets worse.
That doesn't look good.
How'd you get hooked up with these Phalanx things anyway? Creatures grab Hulk, while Hulk sleep.
Take up to space.
Hulk smash till crash down, but too many.
Hulk feel sick.
From the tech infection, or wait, you mean Hulk stomach hurt.
Nuh-uh, you are not going to Hulk all over me.
- Ooh - Wait for it! Just If he can survive a fall from the sky, he can survive a fall from the hallway, right? Aim for the drain! Aim for the drain! Peter? Are you all right? Just feeling a little green.
Now, you stay there.
If you get up again, I'll sic the Hulk on you.
Oh, Peter.
Such an imagination.
Oh, Hulk.
The washing machine, really? Yuck.
Try to warn a spider next time, would you, Hulk? - Hulk, is that your real name, or - Hulk is Hulk.
Look, I have no idea how to treat this mecha-fection.
I know SHIELD could crack it, but they'd also crack you.
Do you have any friends or family we could Hulk have no friends.
Hulk always alone.
- What about me? - How bug friend? Hulk not even know who bug man is under bug mask.
Well, sure, but I do have a secret identity to keep secret.
Hulk My name is Peter Parker, and I am your friend.
I promise.
Par ker I'm going to assume that means it's off, whatever "off" is.
It's no SHIELD tech, but Spider-man, we need to talk about your disappearing act.
Yeah, Fury I'm actually working on science homework right now.
Can't talk.
Bye! I'm so going to pay for that.
But first This isn't just metal.
It's living metal.
Looks like it's kaput or not! Uh-oh.
Spidey sense says don't go there.
Hulk? Okay, not Hulk.
But then, who Please tell me that Phalanx barb did not send out some SOS.
Big guy! You'd better wake up! I have a bad feeling I told those Phalanx things where you went! And now they're here! Hulk better, ready to smash! I think you're about to get your wish.
Outside! Hulk smash! Don't touch! Keep them back! We have to shut these things down and move this fight out of the suburbs.
Any ideas? Hulk smash! No, Hulk! No, Hulk! Wait! Let that one go.
Lawn gnomes? We are so obviously in Queens.
- We need to follow it! - Yes! Machine man go inside.
Well then, guess we should take a look at what will no doubt be a very unpleasant sight.
You want to open the door? Or tear it off its hinges? That looks like the mother of all mother ships.
What's it doing? What's it making? Oh, why do I know this is not good? Uh-oh.
They seem to have your eyes.
Looks like the Phalanx weren't trying to infect you.
They were harvesting your tissue to steal your strength by evolving! No one steal Hulk strength! This time someone did.
We can't let them get out of here.
Hope you're in the mood for some alien smash.
We're trapped with them now.
No, puny creatures trapped with us! No go! The organic material in the wood is getting infected, too.
We need to hit them with something non-organic, like metal! Hey, batta, batta, batta! Sa-wing batta! Delivery for Mr.
and Mrs.
Phalanx.
Oh, the more we smash the more they make! This is not a good long-term strategy.
Hulk feel better.
Maybe Hulk body have things that kill virus.
What, like antibodies? Actually, that's possible.
You rejected the barb.
If you have antibodies, you'd be immune.
- How did you think of this? - Puny Banner is scientist.
Wait.
Puny Banner? The world-famous gamma scientist, Bruce Banner? You know him? - Oh.
Wow, you are him! - Hulk is Hulk now.
Then I say, keep your fingers crossed that you're immune to these circuit boards, and smash, Hulk! Go, Hulk! Go! More to smash, Hulk! More to smash! Hulk! You okay in there? The alien invasion is officially Hulked.
Oh,no.
Now what? Hulk, we meet again.
Ever get the feeling you've seen something before? Déja vu? Monosyllables, then scientific theories, then french? I'm loving me some Hulk right now.
Stand down, Spider-Man.
Not on your life, Fury.
No one touches my friend.
- You got it all wrong, webs.
- Then explain it to me.
I get that you're trying to do what's best for Hulk, but I'm responsible for making a decision that's best for the world.
Well, the Hulk just saved the world from the Phalanx, with my guidance, of course.
So, how are you going to reward him, throw him in Hulk jail? He has a mind, a sharp one, in fact.
He can be a good friend to have, if you're a friend to him first.
Nick Fury, director of SHIELD.
We could use a hero like you.
We can offer you a home, regular food, and all of SHIELD's resources to try and figure out how we can help each other.
Hulk, despite their less-than-subtle techniques, they are the good guys.
They smash baddies, too.
What do you say? No! Well, that worked out, huh? Guess I'd better get going, too.
Things to do, people to see Not so fast.
This was all because you didn't Hulk decide will go with one-eye man.
If friend think Hulk should.
Friend thinks friend thinks Hulk should have a home, a home where friend could come visit him and smash.
- What made you come back? - Hulk still hungry.
Got it.
Put it there, pal.
Till next time, Hulk.
Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow! First order of business for SHIELD develop a handshake filter for that guy.
Who says I can't take care of things? I took care of the Phalanx, I took care of Hulk, and I even took care of aunt oops.
Peter? Peter, can you bring me a glass of water, please? Gotta run! Peter!