Who's the Boss? (1984) s01e19 Episode Script

Mark Spitz and company! Hi.
How was swimming class? Tony gave the lifeguard mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
The lifeguard was drowning? Well, she might have if she'd been in the water.
Angela, she was reaI close to the deep end.
What are you doing with the china? Your father-in-law called.
Nick? - Grandpa called from Florida? - Called from the airport.
Guess who's coming to dinner? I hope to hell it's Sidney Poitier.
- Grandpa's coming here? For dinner? - Yeah.
- Great! - I'm glad one of you is excited.
Yeah.
Kids, why don't you go upstairs and get washed up? Dad, we just spent an hour and a half in the pooI.
I'll turn into a prune.
He'll turn into a raisin.
Raisin.
Angela, don't you think you should have checked with me before inviting my father-in-law? I thought you'd be happy.
Angela, look at this face.
Does this look like a happy face? Well, you're always saying how important family is to you.
I meant my family, not my wife's family.
What did this guy do? Give you some hard-luck story? He said he was in town.
And you fell for it? Last time I saw him was when my wife died.
Before that, it was under protest.
What have you got against him? Angela, he's a mooch.
He's rude, he's insensitive.
- And he's a slob.
- Aren't you exaggerating? The man puts Sweet'N Low in his wine.
I'll tell you right now, I'm not cooking for him.
Oh, all right.
I invited him, I'll cook.
- Angela? - Yeah? He's not that bad.
Now, this is probably him.
It's dinner and that's it.
Whatever you do, don't invite him to stay.
I know this guy.
He's always broke.
He'll move in, mooch off us.
Forever.
Hey, Nick, how are you? I'm rich.
- Rich? - Yeah.
Lousy, stinking rich.
I'm rolling in it.
What are you talking about? Last I heard you were a lousy junk car dealer.
Well, down at the bank, they call me an "auto-parts entrepreneur".
They love me down at the bank.
- So how are you doing, Tony? - We're doing okay.
Yeah, yeah.
I can see, I can see.
Not as good as me.
You see these shoes? 180 bucks.
Suit? 500 clams.
That's lovely.
Oscar de la Renta? No, Nick Milano.
- Who's the skirt? - Nick.
This person happens to be Angela Bower and she happens to be the president of the 12th-largest advertising agency in the country.
Nice legs! - Grandpa! - Sambina! Come over here! Look at you, look at you! You're beautifuI! - You got your mother's looks.
- Thanks.
And I got my dad's slide into second.
That's a biggie.
Now, I got something for you.
Try it on.
You don't like it, I'll buy you another one.
- I'll buy you two.
- Thanks.
All right.
It's a nice place you got here.
Maybe you're not so much of a loser.
All right, Nick.
It's her place, it's not my place.
Oh, yeah, but I mean you live with her, right? I mean, she pays the mortgage, you get the fringe benefits.
And from where I'm standing, they look pretty good.
Nick, would you zip it up? I'm her housekeeper.
You're her housekeeper? Yes, he is.
He's a wonderfuI housekeeper and a wonderfuI human being.
Of course.
I'm sure you're right.
And a loser.
Tony, something smells wonderfuI.
It must be my cologne, Essence of Big Bucks.
Mona, this is Samantha's grandfather, Nick.
- This is Angela's mother, Mona.
- Oh, another lovely.
Oh, a snappy dresser.
- Oscar de la Renta? - No, Nick Milano.
Who is this Oscar guy? Very nice to meet you, Nick.
The pleasure is all mine.
I never go past the wrist on the first date.
Hey, you guys, wait till you see what Sam's got.
Sweetheart, this is Mr.
Milano.
This is my son, Jonathan.
Oh, hey.
You're a short little fellow, ain't you? You want to stand on my wallet? - Are you ready? - All right, come on, Sambina! Show everybody what your rich grandfather got you.
Great day in the morning! That's a mink coat.
You play your cards right, Red there could be one for you in the future.
Nick.
Excuse me.
- Isn't that a little expensive? - No, it's a lot expensive.
And I didn't get it on no sale, neither.
I don't want you giving Sam no fur coat.
She's too young.
It's too expensive.
And anyway, if anybody's gonna give Sam a fur coat, it's gonna be me.
Hey, I admire your principles, Tony.
You go tell her she can't have it.
Dad, Grandpa said I could stay home from schooI so we could spend the day together tomorrow.
This is your dad talking, and I say you can't.
But we were gonna go to the racetrack.
Grandpa was gonna teach me how to gamble.
Want to bet? But hey, I happen to have baked a batch of brownies so go in the kitchen and ease your pain? - Oh, goody! - Hey, hey, Jonathan.
Well, it's no mink coat, but I guess it's better than nothing.
Get out.
Get out of here.
You're in town one lousy day already she's acting like Zsa Zsa Gabor.
- I'll get it.
- Good.
I want to see how a pro does it.
Good afternoon.
I'm looking for Nicholas Milano.
You could have him.
I'm Nick Milano.
Who are you? - Thomas Retsin from Rosen and Fisher.
- Oh, yeah.
Yes.
I have some papers here for you to sign.
We have to clear up your estate before- We don't want to talk out here, bother anybody.
Come into my office.
It's right out here.
Right out here.
Thanks.
Dad, there are no brownies in the kitchen.
What do you mean there's no brownies? All right, all right, I ate them.
But they were very small.
Twenty-six brownies? Twenty-six? Fancy that.
I wonder if the Betty Ford Clinic handles brownie dependency.
I'm going to feeI a lot better knowing that my money's being taken care of after I You know, after I go.
It's a tough thing knowing that in two weeks you're going to You're going- You're going to I just can't say it.
Prison? I'm not so thrilled when you say it either, you know.
Hey, lighten up.
It won't be so bad.
- So you stole a few auto parts.
- A couple.
- Cheated on your income tax.
- A little bit.
Tried to bribe a judge.
All right, he was a judge.
How was I to know he was honest? Look, with good behaviour, you'll be out in three years.
Unless some wacko kills you.
Well, excuse me.
Have a nice day.
- What was that all about? - Oh, just your basic moguI stuff.
Go back to your housekeeping.
Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
Okay, Daddy Warbucks.
Hey, I don't want you taking Sam out of schooI.
I want to spend time with my granddaughter.
- What's the big deaI? - The big deaI is schooI's important.
You want to see her, see her on weekends or holidays.
- Easter's in a month.
See her then.
- Well, I don't have that much time.
- What, you gotta go back to Florida? - No, I don't have to go back to Florida.
I'm going to I'm- I'm going to I don't want to talk about it.
Well, I do.
I want to talk about it, Nick.
All right, look, you're gonna find out about it anyway.
I am going to - To - To what? It's horrible.
I just can't say the word.
I just can't say the word.
- Die? - Die? Nick, I thought you said you couldn't say it.
Well you've given me a whole new way of looking at things.
Well, what about doctors? What do they say? What could they say? I mean, no doctor in the world could help me now.
Nick, I Gee, I knew you lost a lot of weight, but I had no idea.
How long you got? Two weeks.
- It's all right.
It's okay.
- Oh, Nick! Oh, yeah, yeah.
Right there.
Nick, I promise you this.
These are gonna be the best damn two weeks of your life Dad.
- Look - Oh, okay, sure.
Thank you very much.
Yeah, yeah.
- Okay, put your feet up.
- Sure.
That's it.
- Oh, hey, Tony - Oh, okay, okay.
That's nice, thank you.
Now, look, Nick from now on, I'm taking care of you.
You're staying here.
I don't want no arguments.
Okay.
And I think Angela would want it that way too.
- Angela! - No, no.
Don't say nothing to her.
Come on, I don't want everybody treating me like I'm some kind of king catering to my every whim, waiting on me hand-and-foot.
- You got a match here? - Yeah.
- Yes? - One second.
Angela, could I speak to you in the kitchen about a matter? What's the matter? Angela, this is serious.
Tony, I know what you're going to say.
Look, I I know that I have a sweet tooth.
And sometimes I go on a feeding frenzy.
But I think I've got it under controI now.
Unless, of course, you've baked another batch of brownies.
Angela, this is about Nick.
He's been eating brownies too? Angela, he's dying.
I ate 26 of them! He's not dying from brownies, he's dying from death.
Oh, you mean he's really dying? Yeah, so look, I hope it's okay, but I told him he could stay here.
Oh, of course.
Oh, my word, what are we going to do? You gotta be strong and act like you don't know nothing.
I can do that.
Nick made me promise not to tell anyone.
You gotta promise you won't tell either.
- I won't, I promise.
- Okay.
Oh, Mother, Nick is dying.
Isn't it awfuI? Nick, it's all set.
You can stay here.
- Are you sure you don't mind? - Hey, you aren't going to be here long.
- I mean - Of course we don't mind.
We're thrilled to death.
I hope nobody minds a stogie? No, no.
We love cigar smoke.
Although, it is bad for your health.
Not that you're worried about your health.
All right, all right.
Knock it off.
It's obvious.
Tony opened his big mouth.
I'm sorry.
I want you to forget about it.
Forget everything you heard.
I just want you to treat me like you would any other houseguest who's dying.
You know, Nick, so often people say: " If only we had known, we could have done something.
" Well, now we know.
So what can I do for you? Let me mull that over.
Hey, Nick, I know what I could do.
Anything you want for dinner.
You name it.
- No, I don't want to put you- - Don't worry, no trouble.
But I always loved your stuffed manicotti, you know? - That you make from scratch? - Yeah.
And that sourdough bread you make from scratch.
And that seafood marinara you make- From scratch? - If it's not too much trouble? - No trouble.
Hey, look, it's 4:00.
I'll start right now.
That means we should be eating about 9:30.
- Tony, I could help.
- Oh great, great.
Make that 10:30.
I hope you don't mind if I pay you a compliment? No, not at all.
You are one foxy old broad.
Why, Mr.
Rhett, how you do carry on.
You know, I was hoping that I was hoping that we could get to know each other a little more personally, you know? Like maybe at your place just you and me and a couple of Vic Damone records? Well, I I do like Vic Damone.
But, Nick, we've only just met, and I don't work that fast.
Well, neither do I, as a rule but under the circumstances, I don't have much time.
Well, that's another thing.
Shouldn't you save your strength? For what? Oh, excuse me.
Hey, hey, wake up, wake up.
What is this? Hey, Nick.
Jorvos alla Peru de 1979.
- That's a great wine, Tony.
- Yeah.
Hey, I bought this myself.
- Knew you were gonna like this.
- Yeah.
What a bouquet, huh? Could you pass me the Sweet'N Low, please? Salud.
Hey, Nick, you want anything else? More minestrone? More pasta? Another loaf of bread? No, I don't think so.
I don't think so.
I think I can wait for dessert.
I can't wait for that Zabaglione.
Mom, I guess I'm not a night person.
Can I go to bed without dessert? I'll have two tomorrow, I promise.
Yes, sweetheart, come on.
I'll take you upstairs and kiss you good night.
- Say good night.
- Too late.
I'll be back in a minute.
I guess I gotta go to bed too.
SchooI tomorrow.
Forget schooI.
Where's your priorities? Your grandfather wants to take you to the track.
- Okay.
I guess I'll see you tomorrow.
- You betcha.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Here's your racing form.
Study it like a good girI.
- Good night, Dad.
- Good night, sweetheart.
Weird.
Love that little squirt.
Yeah.
She loves you too, Nick.
One of these days, we're gonna have to tell her.
- Tell her what? - The truth.
Well, I mean, can't you just tell her I'm going on a long business trip? In a box? Come on.
Are you kidding me? She'll find out and be heartbroken because she didn't get to say goodbye.
Well, I don't want to talk about it, Tony.
Well, I do want to talk about it.
You know, last time we needed to talk and we didn't.
You mean when Marie died? Nick, that was a really tough time for both of us.
We should have been there for each other but it didn't work out that way.
Well, I I lost my little girI.
I didn't I didn't think anybody knew what that felt like.
I knew.
Hey, and now you're gonna be with her again.
That's how I try to think of it.
Come on.
Cut it out, will you? No, I'm serious, Nick.
I'm I don't know, I feeI kind of great about somebody being up there to look over Marie again.
Watch out for her, you know what I mean? I can't do this.
Do what? I'm not gonna die! Nick, I read the book.
You're just going through the deniaI stage.
Hey, look, I know it's tough, but you've gotta face the truth.
I'm telling you, I am not going to die.
I am going to To prison.
- Prison? - Prison, the slammer, the big house.
The joint.
Oh, hey.
Hey, oh.
What are you saying? - You know those auto parts? - Yeah.
You could fry eggs on them.
You ain't gonna die? You're not dying, and you put us all through this? I can't believe I actually hugged you.
I don't know how this thing got started.
I'm sorry.
You're sorry.
You're sorry, huh? That supposed to cover everything, Nick? All right, that's it, you.
You're out of here, man.
Now.
Does that mean I don't get any Zabaglione? I'll give you Zabaglione/ All right, Angela, I'm history.
Wha-? What? No.
Tony, what happened? Is he going to the hospitaI? He is if he's not out of here in 10 minutes.
What are you talking about? He said he's dying to cover up that he's going to prison.
- Prison? - Prison, the slammer, the big house.
The joint.
Oh, no.
Oh, that poor man.
He was so ashamed of going to prison that he would rather have people think he was dead.
Isn't that noble? The man is scum.
I thought I was I really thought I was finally getting along with him.
Oh, Tony, you were.
Yeah, well, it was all a big lie, Angela.
So what do you want to do? Forget everything you said and wait untiI he's really dying - so you can start all over again? - Why not? Well, he's your wife's father.
He's your daughter's grandfather.
Doesn't that mean anything to you? All right, Angela, I'll talk to him.
All right, let's get one thing straight.
You are slime.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
- Unfortunately, you're family slime.
Why'd you do what you did? Seemed like a good idea at the time, that's all.
Look, if I told you I was going to jaiI, you would have thought I was a bum.
- This way, you thought I was a big man.
- Wait a minute.
You were worried about what I thought? Remember me? The one you're always calling a loser, not good enough for your little girI.
Nobody was good enough for my little girI.
At least you got that right.
Now that I think about it you came pretty close.
I've been waiting a long time to hear you say that, Nick.
Let me have that, huh? You ready for some Zabaglione? You know, I also like those little cannolis you make, you know? - From scratch? - From scratch, yeah, from scratch.
Tony, I am turning over a new leaf.
I'm telling you, starting right now- Thank you.
Starting right now I'm gonna tell everybody the truth.
Sam, everybody.
- Nick, could I talk to you? - Oh, yeah, sure, sure.
Nick, I've thought about our conversation and I have reached my decision.
How could I deny a dying man his last request? Last request? Mona, I think Nick has something to tell you.
Tony! Tony! Son, son! - Nick.
- No, wait.
Couldn't I turn over a new leaf tomorrow, huh? Say yes.
Say yes! Say yes! Oh, thanks, son!