Dog with a Blog (2012) s01e20 Episode Script

Oh! Hey, Stan.
You checking out the comet that's supposed to pass by tonight? Comet? No! I'm looking at a family of squirrels gathering nuts.
That's right, squirrels, fatten up.
Get nice and slow for me.
Well, I have very exciting news, Stan.
Good luck topping the family of meaty squirrels.
As you know, my dream has always been to be President someday.
I want it more than anything.
And now I've figured out my first step on the road to The White House.
It's fitting that my presidency begins on the thirtieth anniversary of the comet that passed by Earth and stopped the aging process.
Which is why I look so young for a 43-year-old.
That and I moisturize.
And now that talking dogs are accepted, I would like to introduce Stan, my Secretary of State.
I thought you said secretary of steak.
No.
State.
Secretary of State.
Oh.
Then I'm not interested.
So here's how I get to The White House.
Mayor Madge Gimmelstaub is choosing a student intern.
Someone to make her coffee, clean her car You know, learn all about government.
Step one, I get the internship.
Step 87, I become President.
Uh, didn't you skip a few steps? Do you really want to hear them? Good thinking.
Talk down to your audience.
You'll make a great President.
So Avery has a plan to be President in 87 steps.
I wonder how many steps it would take me to reach my goal Of eating one of those meaty squirrels.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11! So, did you get the internship with the Mayor yet? I'm just working on my application.
Well, when you get it, you've gotta do something about Pasadena's cat problem.
What cat problem? There are cats in Pasadena.
Thanks for your help with my psychology project.
What psychology project? The one where I experimented on you to see how long it would take someone to totally lose it.
Where is that coming from?! Where it is?! What is happening to me?! Twenty-seven minutes.
I sewed it into your tie.
That was you? Don't feel bad.
You lasted longer than mom.
It's inside my head! Woo! A minute and a half.
Got an "A" on the project, so I owe you one.
Yeah.
You do.
I thought I was losing my mind! Want me to help you with your homework? Ha ha ha ha! A laugh like that releases so many endorphins.
Let's call it even.
Secondly, this isn't my homework.
I'm applying for Madge Gimmelstaub's internship.
A lot of kids in my grade want that job.
You need an angle to get a leg up.
Best angle to get a leg up 45 degrees.
Otherwise you pee all over yourself.
Look, Tyler, I play fair.
I don't do angles.
All the other kids are playing angles Having their parents donate to the Mayor's campaign.
Jenny Webster's dad is even giving Madge free dry cleaning.
Oh, man.
Madge does need a lot of dry cleaning.
She's got a numb bottom lip and a thing for grape juice.
But I was counting on my skill and qualifications.
Ha ha ha ha! Now who's releasing dolphins? Look, you're smart and you work hard But in the real word, you gotta work people.
Thanks, Tyler, but I'm gonna do this my way.
Hey, why don't you talk to Madge's daughter Brie? She's in cheerleaders with you.
Isn't she the one who catches you when they throw you up in the air? More like drops me through her sweaty palms.
And now she's mad at me because I sent her a coupon for talcum powder.
I could talk to her for you.
Turn on the charm.
What are you gonna do? That ridiculous eyebrow slant? You mean the "slybrow"? Oh! Get that thing away from me.
I'd rather listen to the beeping.
How do you know Brie, anyway? She's a fun party girl, I'm a fun party guy.
We have all our remedial classes together.
I'll see if she'll put in a good word for you with her mom.
Well, I I guess you talking to her might help.
Unless I talk to her in Spanish.
That's one of our remedial classes.
Are you sure having Tyler help you with this is a smart move? He's just gonna talk to Brie.
What's the harm? Working the angles is not you, Avery.
One thing I know as a dog is you gotta be true to yourself.
Could I curl up on your lap and purr? Yes, I could.
But then I'd be a cat and cease to be cute or worth anything! - Knockity-knockity! - Oh, hello, Karl.
Mrs.
Jennings, you look radiant as always.
Karl, you always say the nicest things.
I don't know why you don't have a girlfriend.
Sadly, the ability to flatter neighborhood housewives tends not to impress teenage girls.
So I brought the sleeping bag you wanted to borrow.
- Oh, thank you, Karl.
- Actually, you can keep it.
Since becoming a bodybuilder, mother has amassed so much muscle this only fits her as a leg warmer.
Well, thanks, Karl.
Dr.
Jennings and I have a two-night camping trip in the park with Chloe's healthy muffins.
Healthy muffins? Her scouting troop Like the brownies, only more pretentious.
They're having a competition to see who can earn the most merit badges, only they don't call them that because "everyone has merit".
- Oh, the loser's motto.
- Yes.
Mrs.
Jennings sometimes gets overly competitive.
I'm going along to keep the monster in check.
You're right, I do get a little too competitive.
But that's what makes me better than everyone else, right? Winning isn't everything.
But I want to win.
Chloe, this is about having a fun outdoor experience with your friends.
But it won't be fun unless I crush my friends! Mother crushes her friends.
To her it's a hug, but intention means nothing to a broken rib.
I saw Brie.
She'll talk to her mom about the internship.
- You're in! - I'm in? - Brie just wants one favor.
- I can do that.
- It's gonna mean breaking a rule.
- I can't do that.
What if break a rule? I would never "tell you" to break a rule.
- Are you telling me not to break a rule? - I'm not telling you that.
- So you're telling me to break a rule.
- I would never say that.
- Got it.
- Do you? No.
Tyler, you let Brie throw a party at our house? I did not say I was okay with you doing that! Then what was all this? Tyler This this This isn't what I meant! Let me hear you make some noise! Woo! Mom and dad are gonna kill us.
Mom and dad are at Chloe's camp out for two days, they'll never know.
We can't throw a party! "We" didn't throw a party Brie did.
We're innocent victims of her party lifestyle.
Just like the rug is an innocent victim of her sweaty palms.
All that matters is she tells her mom you're the best person for the internship.
Isn't that right, Brie? I tried the stupid talcum powder.
It made my mouth dry.
Um, I'm sorry about that, but we're having this party for you, so you're gonna put in a good word for me with your mom, right? - Ya know, because she's the Mayor? - I know she's the Mayor.
I get to park anywhere.
Yeah, I noticed.
Your car is on my lawn.
What has Tyler gotten me into? I've broken my parents' biggest rule by having a party while they're away, and broken my biggest rule by becoming a teenage cliche! I told you, you have to be true to yourself! Avery, come on.
How badly do you want this internship? How badly do you want to be President? Is this really worth it? Whoa.
When you say it that way, it's clear what I have to do.
Good for you! See this through so I at least get something out of it.
That's not what I'm saying.
I'm saying you have to do the right thing.
And get the internship.
Got it! That's not what I'm saying.
Is it not what you're saying, or not what you're "saying"? I don't know what you're talking about! Exactly.
Thank you all for coming today.
Through a terrible miscommunication, I've allowed my Secretary of State to invade cat city.
I apologize.
I also apologize for creating cat city and sending all the cats there.
But as I learned years ago from a party that I shouldn't have thrown Now that we're in, we have to see it through so we at least get something out of it.
Would this be a bad time to tell you that troops are amassing on the border of squirrel town? Thanks, Stan.
You've been a lot of help.
- You're out of dip.
- We don't have any dip.
That was my nice way of saying get some dip.
Uh, I'm not sure my mom would want you rummaging through our fridge.
My mother's the Mayor.
I get to rummage anywhere.
I also get to put my little brother anywhere.
Bennett, this is the tent you bought? It looked bigger in the picture.
It's the same size as the picture! It's not even a tent.
It's more like a discontent.
Ha ha.
Good one, Ellen.
I'll never win anything at this camp out.
Remember, swee sweetheart Remember, swee ow! Sweetheart, it's uh! It is not about the winning.
- Right? - Right.
What's our motto? "Eat hot death!" Yeah, no, that's our old motto.
Our new motto is what the Troop Leader said "There are no muffin bottoms; We are all muffin tops!" Uh, Chloe, tonight's competition is making a dream catcher from stuff you find in the park! - You better get going! - Okay.
But no broken glass, old gum, or carcasses of any kind.
What am I gonna make it out of?! - Wow.
- They're breaking the rules! Her parents obviously helped her make that dream catcher! Ellen monster in check.
Look, Riley.
Chloe's family is here and they're sleeping in a taco shell.
- Hello, Ellen.
- Hello, Yvonne.
It's yuh-vonne.
You pronounce the "Y".
Yuh, I know.
Hey, Riley.
Did you make that all by yourself? Can you prove she didn't? This is all I could find.
My dream catcher's gonna be real small.
How sweet.
You can catch your tiny little dreams in it.
I know what kind of muffin you are Sourdough.
What, nothing? I'll handle this.
I know you made that, why-vonne Just like you made Riley's pioneer hat.
And you made Tami's friendship bracelet, and you made Caitlyn's sugar cube model of The Alamo.
Oh, we remember The Alamo.
It doesn't matter.
Riley's going to win the dream catcher prize.
By the way, a leprechaun called me he wants his tent back.
- It's time, Ellen.
- Release the monster? - Release the monster.
- Thank you.
Oh, you are going down, you and the rest of your half-baked muffins! That's right! I said half-baked! The monster gets rusty when you keep it in a box.
All right.
If everyone's cheating, it's only fair that we cheat.
I'm gonna go get some professional grade materials for Chloe's dream catcher.
What's our motto? Eat hot death! I've never loved you more.
Yeah, me too.
But I think in a different way.
Bye, guys.
Great party.
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
Oh, so you're gonna talk to your mother about me, right? Yeah, I guess.
A deal's a deal.
Great.
Wow! Your palms have gotten so dry! Well, the house is a mess, but we did it.
We pulled off the party.
Now Brie will talk to her mom, and I will get that internship.
Yeah! We got two days to clean up this mess.
When mom and dad get home, they'll think you were studying all weekend.
That's right.
And so were you.
Avery, this is a cover-up, not a fantasy.
Just, I feel so guilty, I mean Mom and dad have always taught us to be honest.
Anyone asks if I was here, lie.
I'm just getting some materials for an illegal dream catcher.
Was there a party here? Boy, it certainly looks like it, for some reason I'm not prepared at present to discuss.
I have been camping without access to clean bathrooms.
You have five minutes to think about what you want to say about this.
Ten minutes.
I ate some expired gorp.
This is horrible! We got caught! Why did I let you have this party? I can get us out of this if I lie to mom.
I'm not gonna tell you to lie to mom.
Are you gonna tell me not to Just lie to mom.
We did have a party, but for a very good reason.
The party was for Karl.
He was sad and lonely because it's his birthday and he has no friends.
Even his mother wasn't around.
- Is this true, Avery? - Of course it's true.
She was self-repairing an athletically induced hernia.
Who'd make that up? Someone who watched sports bloopers with me last night.
That "boing" sound really turned tragedy into comedy.
We were just doing something nice for Karl.
Poor Karl, who adores you.
He does.
He does adore me.
Well, you broke a rule, but you did it for a very nice reason.
We'll talk about that later.
Just clean up this mess.
- Of course, mom.
- We will.
And I'll wish Karl a Happy Birthday and ask him about the party in the morning.
He's bringing us scones in the park.
Now I just need something a little girl could realistically find in the park to make a dream catcher.
Don't we have an old wagon wheel and some pheasant feathers somewhere? This is terrible! Mom's gonna talk to Karl and the truth is gonna come out! Ya know, dog's aren't usually big on saying "I told you so".
But that's because they can't talk.
I can.
I told you so! So let me get this straight.
You two had a big party here, to which I wasn't invited.
And you want me to lie to your mother and say the party was for me because I'm sad and lonely and mother was self-repairing an athletically induced hernia?! - Yes.
- Yes.
That happens, you know.
I'll do it on one condition.
I want you to throw me a surprise birthday party tonight just like the one you had last night, with all the same guests.
Wasn't your birthday last month? Yes, but this party will be with other people.
Now, I'd better get these scones to the park before the vanilla beans fatigue.
Tyler, this is out of control.
Another party? I knew I should have never started playing angles for this internship just because everyone else was doing it.
Oh, yeah? I heard Toby Stein's mom just has a baby and named it Madge Gimmelstaub Stein.
Is it too late to rename Chloe? - What have I become?! - It's okay.
We can do this.
Mom and dad don't get back till tomorrow morning.
We just need Brie to get all those people back tonight so Karl will cover for us.
- Do you want me to talk to her? - I don't want you not to talk to her.
Oh! What am I doing?! Okay, just this one last thing, and then we'll be free and clear.
Don't give me that judgmental look, Stan.
Would you prefer a "slybrow?" I won! I won! I won! I won! Chloe, Sweetie, who helped you with your dream catcher? You and daddy.
Right, so that means We won! We won! We won! We won! Ah-ah-ah.
No victory is complete unless you can record it and send it to all the losers! Eat hot death! Oh, tough break, yay-vonne.
I guess your dream catcher wasn't big enough to catch your dream of winning.
The rules say you can only work with things you find in the park.
The rules say you can only work with things you find in the park.
There are wagon wheels all over this park.
Look harder.
Everyone knows you cheated.
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! We did the same thing you all did! Don't be mad just because you muffins got burned.
Ha! Good one, Ellen! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Ellen, these muffins are getting angry.
All right, maybe we don't have to stay for the last night.
So what if we miss the marshmallow roast? Oh! Oh! Get behind me! They're throwing marshmallows! Oh, wait.
They're throwing marshmallows.
Thanks for getting everyone together for another party! Thanks for saving my parking spot.
It's the lawn.
It's always here.
You guys, Karl said eight! He'll be here any second! Come on, hide! Quick! Oh, I think I hear him! Shh! Shh! Surprise! For me? Wait.
I don't know any of these people and it's nowhere near my birthday.
This is totally unacceptable.
Everybody out! And who is parked on the lawn? My mom's the Mayor.
I get to park anywhere.
Let's go, Nicholas! Chloe, go to bed.
I don't want to miss a good grounding.
- Do you want one of your own? - Good night, everybody.
Tyler, I don't believe you! I haven't even lied yet! Tyler, you told me last night the party was for Karl, then you go and do this?! Wait.
The party is all my fault.
I lied and I broke a rule, and that's not me.
As someone has always told me, I I have to be true to who I am.
I've always told her that.
Everyone was playing angles for this internship, and not following the rules, and I thought that I had to do it, too.
You are both grounded.
It's not okay to bend the rules just because other people are The last thing we'd ever want to do is teach Chloe that lesson.
Uh, I'm Avery.
Yeah, we're not talking about you anymore.
What did do? I don't know, but we have to take Chloe back to the park to return the trophy and apologize.
- This is gonna be humiliating.
- I know.
You see that, kids? There are consequences even for adults.
Good luck.
Let me know how it goes.
A party for me? Wait.
Where is everyone? They caught me, Karl.
I have no idea what she's talking about.
I only came over here because we're out of ice and mother's hernia is swelling.
It's not disturbing.
The thing is, you can be a good person even if those around you aren't.
And even though she made some mistakes, I know someday Avery will be a great President.
Maybe after her, I'll be President! I didn't get the internship.
I thought Brie was recommending you.
Yeah, but Mayor Gimmelstaub was really won over by little Madge Gimmelstaub Stein.
Plus, when she heard about the party, she decided that I was a bad influence on her daughter.
If she cares about her daughter, she should do something about those sweaty palms.
I know.
I don't even think she means to park on the lawn.
So how much longer are you grounded? I think forever.
And that will have to be the last question.
Thank you.
Just where do you think you're going, young lady? Pentagon.
The Joint Chiefs are waiting for me.
You're not going anywhere.
You're still grounded because of that party thirty years ago.
Fine.
You have fun with your taxes this year, dad.