Family Matters s01e20 Episode Script

Urkel, will you hold still? I've gotta finish this for my art class.
Sorry, Eddie.
You know, I was real flattered when you chose me as the model for your Greek god.
Urkel, what in the world are you doing? Posing as a Greek god.
Does seeing me like this give you any ideas? As a matter of fact it does.
I just remembered.
Mom told me to go to the market and pick up a chicken.
Hi, everybody.
Hi, Rodney.
Great news.
Eddie's running for president of the freshman class.
- Oh.
- Hey, congratulations, baby.
Wait a minute.
I said I would think about it.
Eddie, do it.
You've got charisma.
You think so? I use a dandruff shampoo.
No.
I mean, I think you could win.
The only other person running is Margie Flegman.
I don't know.
I'm not sure if politics is for me.
You know, honey, there's something very appealing about a man in charge.
Women are always throwing themselves at politicians.
- They are? - Sure.
Why else would anyone date Henry Kissinger? Rodney, I'm running.
It's the least I can do for all the babes in freshman class.
Five times two is 10.
Five times three is 15.
Five times four is 20.
- Five - Can't you do that silently? No.
Then do it upstairs.
Actually, baby, that's not a bad idea.
I guess she told you.
And you go help her.
- Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Look what I'm collecting.
Empty soda cans.
Well, everybody needs a hobby.
No, Carl.
I'm doing research for an article on the environment.
I've learned so much about how we're destroying the Earth.
So I decided to do my part and start recycling.
- Well, I think that's a very good idea.
- Absolutely.
We should all chip in and help save the environment.
- Yup.
- Rachel you're not gonna go off the deep end with this, are you? Oh, no, Harriette.
I'm just doing research for my article.
I got it under control.
No! What? What do you think you're doing? Well, I was trying to spray Wonder Whip on my pie.
This is an aerosol can.
Those fluorocarbons are putting a hole in the ozone layer.
Well, all I wanted was a snack.
Go ahead.
Eat the pie.
Destroy the world.
Boy, you try to educate people and do they wanna learn? No, they want to eat pie.
I'm glad she didn't go off the deep end.
Come on, Rodney.
If I'm gonna get elected, I need a better slogan than "Eddie for president.
" Okay.
Okay, I've got it.
Listen to this.
"Vote For Eddie.
" With that slogan, you're gonna get exactly one vote.
That is, if Rodney can make an X.
Oh, yeah? Well, what would you do differently? Well, first, I'd find a better slogan.
Something like "Win with Winslow.
" See, with "win" already in the name, it's a natural connection.
And you were trying to make something out of "slow.
" Then I'd develop a platform of popular ideas things like less homework, longer lunch breaks and bigger lockers.
So she's got good ideas.
I've got buttons.
Who's Edie Winslow? It says Eddie Winslow.
Since when do you spell Eddie with one D? Since we got a thousand of these.
You got a thousand buttons that call me Edie? It's all we could afford.
They charge by the letter.
Let me lay it out for you.
You've got exactly one chance to win.
Make me your campaign manager.
I don't know, Laura.
Let me think about it.
Okay, you're in.
Okay.
Come on.
Your first lesson of the day.
This is aluminum.
Aluminum can be recycled.
And recycling is easy and good for the environment.
See? It goes right in here.
There.
Now, can you say "environmentalist"? Can you say "recycle"? How about "mama"? Can you say "mama"? Rachel, what are all these cans? Oh, I got us all set up for recycling.
When they're full, I'll drop them off at the recycling center.
See, I got stacks of paper cans for plastic, clear glass, colored glass aluminum, and other metals.
Well, now, what's this one for? Whoa.
What is in there? Those are dirty diapers.
You wanna take those out on the porch? Hey, here's a coupon for a free sushi dinner.
You hate raw fish.
Well, we'll get it to go, bring it home and cook it.
Wow, Eddie, you look great.
Meet the next president of the freshman class.
Eddie, why don't you try to get Mom and Dad's vote.
Hi there.
Hi.
I'm Edward Winslow and I'm seeking your vote for freshman class president.
If elected, I promise to serve the students to the best of my ability.
If you don't mind, I'd like to give you this.
It's my motto, "Win with Winslow.
" And with your support, we can both be winners.
Allow me.
Ow! - Aah.
- Sorry, Dad.
Well, son, other than bleeding, I'm very impressed.
Wait a minute.
He flashed you a smile and stuck you with a button.
In between he said nothing.
Go get her.
Excuse me, but didn't I see you on 227? Give me a break.
I knew it was one of those shows.
Anyway I just wanted to say that I'd really appreciate your support for freshman class president.
And did I mention what a wonderful outfit that is? And what a beautiful smile you have.
He's good.
He just might win.
He's got my vote.
Hey, honey.
Here's a two-for-one coupon to the movies.
It's only good till 6 p.
m.
Come on.
If we leave now we can make it.
- Well, what's playing? - Who cares? I'm getting in free.
- Good night, kids.
- Bye, Mom.
Bye, Dad.
I'm proud of you, Eddie.
You're really doing great.
Thanks.
And who knows? Maybe I'll be the next Dan Quayle.
Heh.
Eddie, I don't think you wanna be saying that in public.
All right.
What now? Well, we just lay low for the next two days.
If we can keep you away from groups and from being asked a lot of questions, we'll win the election.
Guys, great news.
I arranged for Eddie to debate Margie Flegman in front of the whole school.
A debate? With questions? In front of people? Well, unless we find a picture of Margie on a yacht with Gary Hart we're dead meat.
Laura.
I think murder goes on your permanent record.
I thought a debate would be great exposure.
It's just the editor of the school paper asking questions.
Okay.
How's this? We'll avoid the issues.
Forget about content.
We'll use empty phrases like, "I'm glad you asked that question but I won't have an answer until the facts are in.
" Hey, that's good.
I can use that one in class.
Great.
You take care of Eddie I'm gonna go draw moustaches on Margie Flegman's posters.
- Hi, Rodney.
- Hi, Urkel.
- What's that on your shirt? - Where? Ow! You gotta teach me that trick someday.
Yeah.
Right.
Heh-heh.
Hi, Laura.
My, you look lovely this evening.
Not now, Urkel.
I'm in the middle of something.
Go home.
I can't.
It's my parents' bridge night and I'm not allowed near their friends.
Okay, you can stay, but just don't say anything.
Oh, I promise.
Not a word.
Okay.
Now, the key to winning this debate is Urkel.
Stop humming.
Was that me? Can we please get back to my election? Oh, yeah, that's right.
You're running for frosh prez against Margie Flegman.
Say hi to her for me.
- You know her? - Why sure.
We go to the same eye doctor, dermatologist and allergist.
She's a real nerd.
You're calling her a nerd? Why sure.
I mean, she's nice and all, but socially, she's a real dud.
Urkel, you just gave me an idea.
Does it involve you and me alone on a desert island? Steve, it's that time again.
Believe it or not, you've overstayed your welcome.
But did I say something? Did I belch? I do things unconsciously sometimes.
Goodbye, Steve.
Thank you for a lovely evening.
Now, Eddie, you're gonna be fine.
Just remember, smile and avoid the issues.
- In other words, act like a president.
- Got it.
Attention.
Everybody, please take their seats.
Ladies and gentlemen as your student council president I'd like to welcome you to today's debate between the candidates for freshman class president.
Margie Flegman, Edward Winslow, please take your positions.
- Good luck.
- Thanks.
The moderator will be Rebecca Sandler, editor of the Monthly Beacon.
Thank you.
Hey, Laura.
The spontaneous demonstrations are all planned.
- Great.
- Okay.
Our first question will go to Eddie Winslow.
How do you feel about school-sponsored activities that help the community? - You talking to me? - Yes.
Oh.
Um I'm glad you asked me that question.
I've formed a committee to look into that and I plan to issue a full statement as soon as I read their report? All right! Winslow.
Winslow, Winslow! - People, people, people.
- Winslow, Winslow, Winslow! Thank you.
Margie, the same question.
Is this on? Well, I was thinking our school could try to coexist hand in hand with our community.
But we haven't been doing enough.
Like last year we had only one food and clothing drive.
Maybe this year we could have two each semester.
I really think we should help those who are less fortunate.
Boo! Sit down, Flegman! Eddie, what steps would you take to improve our school's academic average? Well, before I begin, Rebecca I just wanna say that's a lovely dress you're wearing.
Oh, thank you.
And I'd also like to say that I only want the best for my fellow students.
And I'm proud to be an American.
Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! - Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! - Thank you.
- Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! - Thank you.
Thank you.
Let's give Margie equal time.
Boo! Margie.
The same question.
Well, I'd like to see the stronger students tutoring those who need some help.
Also, we could keep the library open longer hours.
It seems to me everyone's gonna have to put in a lot of hard work.
- No work! - No work! No work! No work! No work! No work! Harriette, what is going on in here? I don't know but I think there used to be a kitchen under here somewhere.
I think I need a couple of aspirin.
There's some in the pantry, baby.
Where in the pantry? Hi, guys.
Rachel, what are you doing? This place looks like a recycling center.
It is a recycling center.
Why? Well, there wasn't one around here.
Rachel, I can't believe you did this.
Well, I guess I did go overboard a little bit.
A little bit? Rachel, I nearly got a concussion trying to get an aspirin.
Look, Rachel, we believe in recycling and doing what we need to do to save our planet.
But a recycling center belongs in a parking lot, not in our kitchen.
But, Harriette, I wanna do something to help with our environment.
Rachel, Rachel, you are doing something.
That article you're writing will inspire a lot of people to recycle.
And we'll continue to recycle our stuff too.
But we'll do it reasonably.
No one can stick to the kind of plan that you set up.
Tsk.
I guess you're right.
Oh, look, I'm sorry I jumped off the deep end.
Again.
That's okay.
You just write a good article and we'll forget all about it.
Okay.
I'm gonna go and check on Little Richie and then I'll come back down and clean this up.
Okay.
How did your parents ever survive her wonder years? We can also improve student-faculty relations with small and informal dinners.
Not bad.
Eddie, how would you improve student-faculty relations? Ooh.
That's a tough question, and I don't have any idea.
But I like what Margie said.
Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! People, people, we only have the gym for an hour.
Margie, a good leader must be able to work well with others.
Do you have this necessary quality? I do have the ability to work well with other people.
- Nerd! - Nerd! Nerd! Well, I think my being the recording secretary for the chess club for three years proves that fact.
Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! - I am who I am.
- Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! - I'll do the best job I can.
- Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! - Nerd! Nerd! Nerd! - Hey.
Hey, come on, be quiet! You guys haven't been listening to what Margie's saying.
She's smart, she's organized, and she'll get things done.
I'm doing this because I'd get girls.
I love you, Eddie.
But you're treating this like it's a popularity contest and that's not what it should be.
You should elect the person with the best ideas not the one with the best looks.
Sorry, Margie.
In fact, to make things easy for you I'm dropping out.
If you're smart, you'll vote for Margie.
I know I will.
Laura, can we talk? What is there to talk about? You had it all locked up.
The crowd was with you.
Laura, I just decided what I was doing was wrong.
- And I couldn't go through with it.
- Eddie, you would have won.
Isn't that the most important thing? Not when it's based on dirty tricks.
And deep down inside, you know it's wrong too.
I didn't do anything that bad.
Come on, Laura.
Admit it.
You just got caught up in the power of politics.
Well, maybe there were a few things I could have done differently.
Laura.
A few things? Okay, okay, you're right.
I don't know what happened to me.
I just wanted to win so badly.
Well, there are some things that are more important than winning.
I know.
I'm sorry I got you involved in all that stuff.
I was wrong.
Good for you.
And Margie will make a better president than I would have.
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
You could've thought about it for a second.
Sorry.
Well, I guess I won't be needing these.
I'll just put them away until you get in high school.
Aunt Rachel!