Gintama (2005) s01e20 Episode Script

[The Shinsengumi are sharing ghost stories to cool off at night.
Inayama-san's story is "Woman in a Red Kimono.
".]
[A cursed voice is heard at midnight.
What did Hijikata see?!.]
It was a very hot night with many mosquitoes, like tonight I was setting off fireworks with my friends and noticed it had gotten dark.
So, I thought my mom would get upset and kick me if I didn't get home right away.
I decided to go home.
We cleaned up the exploded fireworks and glanced at the Temple School.
Then, although it was midnight, a woman in a red kimono was looking right at me from the window of the Temple School.
I was shocked, but I wanted to find out more.
So I gingerly asked her what she was doing up this late.
And she smiled at me and said We've run out of mayonnaise!! Vice-chief!! What the heck-?! You ruined the ending!! I don't care about that! The mayonnaise ran out! I told you to buy more.
Yakisoba's no good without it!! You've had enough, already! That doesn't look like Yakisoba anymore! It's "Yaki-mayonnaise" now! Oh, Chief! Chief!! My goodness! Chief! The mayonnaise made him faint! It's terrible! That's so stupid! They're all obsessed with ghost stories.
There's no way that ghosts exist.
Man, there're so many mosquitoes these days.
Die DieDieHijikata Please, die It can't be What are you doing here at this time of night? JoJogging.
You liar! If you ran around in that kind of outfit, your head would catch fire! Were you holding a ritual? You were holding a ritual for killing me, weren't you?! You're really self-consciousness.
If you think like that, you'll suffer a nervous breakdown.
What?! What's the matter with you, Hijikata-san? Sogo, did you just see something over there? Nothing really I thought I just saw ["Watch Out for Conveyor Belts!".]
That's terrible Hey, how many people so far? Eighteen troops.
So over half the squad has been struck down.
I've got to admit This is getting kind of eerie.
No kidding.
We, the Shinsengumi, were brought to our knees by a ghost, Everyone flat on their backs.
It's mortifying! I can't even tell anyone about it.
The shame! Toshi I wasn't beaten by a ghost.
I was beaten by mayonnaise! That's even worse.
Everybody is making delirious sounds about the woman in the red kimono.
Is that the same ghost Inayama-san was talking about the other night? Idiot! There's no such thing as ghosts.
Don't underestimate ghosts, or you'll be in real trouble, Toshi.
This building is cursed.
It must be possessed by a horrible spirit.
What are you talking about?! No, never.
Chief, here they are.
Oh, thanks, Yamazaki! I found these exorcists downtown.
Hello.
Who are these guys? Is the circus in town? No, they're here for a exorcising.
Hey, hey! Are you kidding? These guys look so shady.
Oh? Your back What? There's something on my back? He's done for with that on him.
What are they doing? Can I stab these jokers? Huh, can I? Sensei, can you help us? I'm too scared to go to the bathroom by myself.
We'll take care of it, gorilla.
Huh? Did you just say "gorilla"? You just said gorilla, right? We looked around the house.
And I feel a fairly powerful spirit presence, gorilla.
Ah, you definitely said "gorilla," didn't you? For starters, why don't we do an exorcism? This is going to cost you a pretty penny, gorilla.
Hey, hey, they're getting in the habit of saying "gorilla.
" By the way, what kind of spirit is here, gorilla? It's contagious! Um A factory foreman.
Well, it's the spirit of a factory foreman who died after getting stuck in a conveyer belt.
But everyone said they saw a woman's spirit.
Oh right! It's the spirit of a woman who looked like the factory foreman who killed herself by getting stuck in a conveyer belt.
That explanation's too long! And what does a factory foreman have to do with it?! Anyway, are you Yamazaki? We must borrow your body.
To draw in the spirit, and then exorcise it, okay? Eh W-Wait a minute.
Wait "Exorcise" How are you gonna do that? We'll just hit you really hard.
Hey, anybody can do that! Yes! It went into him.
A spirit went into him, here! Looked to me like you delivered a body blow instead of putting a spirit in.
No, I went into him.
Well, this factory will be destroyed today, and it's all my fault Hey! It's the factory foreman! Oh? What was the story again? Idiot! It's about a woman who died after getting stuck in a conveyer belt.
There's no way a woman would get stuck in a conveyer belt.
A conveyer belt Oh? What type? Never mind! Just act like a normal woman! No way! Playing a normal woman may look easy, but it's the most difficult acting there is! Nobody expects that level of realism! Shut up, mummy man! Your outfit is what's unrealistic! Say that again?! I thought I look mysterious like this.
Oh, no! Cut it out, you guys! We're on duty! Hey, are you listening to me? Both of you! Ah.
We didn't mean any harm.
We didn't have a job.
We just thought exorcising ghosts might be a good job to make money because it's summer and it's blazing hot in town.
Right, Gin-san? Right.
I've been able to see spirits for a long time, so I wanted to use my special talent to help people.
Oh, I see an angry old granny behind you.
Really? She must be the granny who owned the candy store.
I made fake winning tickets to get ice cream lots of times.
I cheated her, so she must still be mad at me.
What should I do? Don't worry.
She said if you release all of us and give us water, she'll forgive you.
All right.
Then drink this up through your nose.
Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow! What's this nostalgic feeling?! Like when I was a kid and almost drowned in the swimming pool! Gin-chan, I feel like my head is going to explode Help me! Hey! An innocent girl says her head is going to explode! Are you guys sure you want the show to finish like this?! Next week, We'll start "Shinsengumi: Wind of Blood Chronicles"! Don't miss it! They're going to kill us.
Somebody, help me! Hey, Toshi, cut them down.
Otherwise, Sogo will discover the joys of sadism.
What are you talking about? He's a prince from a sadistic planet.
It's too late.
I don't feel so good.
Normally we'd beat you and cut you in strips But we're so busy we have no time for that these days.
So just leave.
Ah, they're scared of ghosts.
Poor babies.
Want mommy to stand and guard while you go potty? Are you ridiculing a samurai?! Please come with me to the bathroom.
I can't believe that you're asking! Well, I was holding off on a trip to the bathroom because I'm scared.
Okay, let's go.
All right.
Hey, are you that scared? You wanna seriously live your life like that? Hey! You, please keep quiet about this.
I'm begging you.
It looks like you guys really are in trouble.
Are you all right? It's so shameful I never thought my army would be so petrified of ghosts like this.
If it's something we can see, we can fight it with our swords, but I have no idea what to do against something we can't see.
Huh? What? You believe in ghosts? Ow! Ow! Help, Mommy! It's the man who injured his head, over here! I'll kill you someday.
Don't tell me you saw the woman in the red kimono.
I can't tell for sure.
But I saw something strange.
I don't think it was human.
Ow! Ow! Help! Daddy! Bring me a Band-Aid! The size that can wrap around a whole person! Did you guys rehearse this or something?! A woman in a red kimono It reminds me of a ghost story At the Temple School I used to go tothat story got passed around a lot.
Let's see One evening, a student was playing at school.
Wait for me! I'm begging you just wait for me.
Don't make a mess! Nobody was supposed to be in the school building at that time, but So many mosquitoes around a woman wearing a kimono appeared.
And he asked her what she was doing Gorilla, what's wrong? Got caught in your zipper? Kagura, what happened?! He got caught in his zipper.
Get out of my way! How did he end up like that? Uh W-W-Woman in the red kimono Uh Sh-She's coming! Kondo-san! Pull yourself together! Talking in his sleepand at his age, too.
Well, you know He's probably dreaming of a woman he made cry a long time ago.
A woman might have made Kondo cry, but he's never made a woman cry.
Then the woman that made you cry has come back to complain some more.
I'd never been with a bad woman like that before.
I see.
Then what? Heck if I know.
But I can tell you that there's something strange going on in this building.
I think that's a ghost.
Ah? I don't believe in unscientific things like ghosts.
Though I believe in the Lost Continent of Mu.
That's nonsense.
It's too much trouble.
Let's go home.
Gin-san What're you doing? Hey! I thought you guys were frightened so I was trying to help you.
Gin-chan, your hands are all sweaty and gross.
Ah? What are you talking about?! Ah! The woman in the red kimono! What are you doing, Gin-san? Well, the entrance to Mu Say, tough guy Are you afraid ofa ghost? What? Hijikata-san, this guy Oh? Hijikata-san, what are you doing? Well, the entrance to Mayonnaise Kingdom Wait, wait, wait! Don't get me wrong! He may be afraid, but not me.
You're the one who's afraid! I just got an urge to return to the womb, is all! All right, all right.
You just go to Mu or Mayonnaise Kingdom or wherever.
What does your contemptuous look mean? What's that? Hmph.
If you're trying to scare us again, forget it.
The same trick doesn't work twice.
Hey, come on-you're taking this joke too far.
Man, they really put a lot of effort into that put-down.
Prankster kids You can't deceive us.
G-Good evening.
I-I-I saw her! She was real! She was real! Gin-chan! Forget about them.
They're doomed.
Ththey made it.
Wait a minute.
They're carrying her! They're carrying the woman! Get awaaaay! Hey! Why are you running from us?! Oh? Hold on.
Do you feel something heavy on your back? I don't know! I have no idea! I'm sure someone is on us; I feel something heavy.
Shut up.
Why don't you check then? Can't you just take a look at it?! Hold on.
Let's do this.
Let's both turn around and look at the same time.
Just make sure you do it! Don't cheat me! You definitely look back! Here we go! G-Good evening.
They died! They really died! Yes! I'll finally be promoted to Vice-chief.
Whatever! Hey, does anybody have a light? Oh, there's a mosquito coil.
What's that? What the hell is that? Shinpachi, did Gin-chan die? Did he? Well, I once tried to summon an evil spirit so Hijikata-san would die.
Maybe it's left over from back then How black is your soul, anyway?! Are you the root of this evil? You bastard-I'll avenge Gin! Hey, hey! Stop it! This place is too small for that! Every time you see each other, why are you I-It's here! Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry! You guys apologize, too! If you apologize from your heart by bowing your head, it will reach everyone, stupid! Seriously! We'll even lick the soles of your shoes, so please forgive us.
I don't taste very good I don't taste very good I don't taste Oh! She's gone.
Wh-Why? Stop with the annoying sound effects! You survived.
You must have the luck of the devil! Wh-Where did the thing go? Dunno.
After the others probably.
It ran away You know what? While I was being chased by it, I was giving it my "Badass" look.
I guess it worked.
Whatever.
While I was being chased by it, I kept pinching that thing.
You're so small-minded Well, I had a nice swim and am all refreshed.
It's time for a counterattack.
Don't try to act tough.
Your voice is quivering.
I'll take care of that thing.
You go lay down, princess I think you're the one who's frightened.
I know you hid in the pond because you already wet your pants, huh?! What?! I'll exorcise you before I get that ghost! I owe you a lot, so I'll pay you back with interest! Huh? Did I lend you something? Don't worry, you can keep it! I already bought a new NES game.
Shut up, already!! Just as I expected.
This man and this man, as well as this one All these men, who were hit by ghosts, have huge mosquito bites That is not a ghost.
H-H-Hey! What the heck was that?! It's f-f-flying! H-H-Hey, are you scared? N-N-No way! Who do you think I am? I'm not scared! All right.
You be the bait.
Then I'lldo that Hey! What does "that" mean? Escape? Are you going to skip out? N-No way.
UmI'm going to shoot it with a bazooka.
Where's the bazooka? Everyone has a bazooka in their heart.
You just can't escape.
Hey, what are you doing?! Running from an enemy goes against Bushido principles.
You had better study the code from scratch.
What the hell are you doing?! You'll need another hundred years to tell me about the way of the samurai.
Oh? Well, I'm sorry for what I did.
I'm an Amanto.
I'm like an earth mosquito.
I got pregnant with my boss at work.
And I needed energy for the delivery.
He has a family, so I decided to raise my baby myself.
I was looking for blood and found the perfect place full of hot-blooded men, so I'm really sorry.
But I wanted to be strong.
I wanted to be strong enough to raise my baby! Sorry, but can you stop making that horrible face? Anyway, it doesn't matter whether it's a ghost or a mosquito.
It's another pain in the butt to everyone.
You're a pain in the butt! I'm not going to give you any reward.
Just leave.
But don't forget that it was my final blow that solved everything.
What are you talking about? I made a blow before you, and that solved everything.
I handled it without your help.
Yeah, you sure talk big-but you were shaking in your boots.
Who would believe the terrifying Vice-chief is scared of ghosts? You know, I was not scared.
I was just startled.
It's a huge difference.
I bet you were really scared.
You know, I was pretending that I was following the scripts.
Actually, I prefer doing it like this.
Let's do it every week Gin-chan, it's time to go What are you two doing? Well, I dropped my contact [Preview.]
It's hot! Hot! Why do I have to get sweaty working to buy a fan?! I'm here to get something to cool down, but I'm getting hotter! The next episode is: "If You Go to Sleep with the Fan On You'll Get a Stomachache, So Be Careful.
" [Also, the Odd Jobs go fishing.
"If You're a Man, Try the Swordfish!".]
[But what they caught was a Kappa, the master of the lake? Ebina-san? What the He actually has a name?!.]
Finally, I've got enough mayonnaise!