Greek s01e20 Episode Script

I'm not interested in being anyone's warm body.
I'm gonna go tell Casey I'm an idiot and I want her back.
I'm done, Evan.
- Finally ready to move on.
- What if I was less of a jealous idiot? Then I think we could be friends.
Casey wants us to be friends.
And, I said I was on board, but, I don't think I am, at all.
I'll pay you $500 to stay away from Casey.
- Calvin Owens? - A dude sent you flowers.
Calvin, you like Michael, right? Screwing up is what college is all about.
- Learning from your mistakes.
- Time! Had Cappie been allowed to extend his rare moment of lucidity, you would've realized he was right.
- The restrictions have been lifted! - A toast to Evan Chambers! You're really not making much sense, Rusty.
Oh, my God.
This is weird to like and not like somebody at the same time.
Are you as turned on right now as I am? - How about a movie? - We could watch a movie here.
You don't have a TV.
Right.
- We can go to dinner? - I had a late lunch.
- Let's take a walk? - I'm trying to cut back.
You know, Emma won't be back for a couple of hours.
We don't have to go anywhere.
It's not about have to.
I thought you might want Nope.
We got enough for some bread, peanut butter, maybe a couple bags of Cheesaritos, and three cases of Sandusky.
That's all? We should raise our dues.
There might be change under the TV room couch but Gonzo and his girlfriend slept there Say no more.
We'll leave it for future generations.
Hey guys, wait up! Sorry I'm late.
Thought you weren't going to make it because your date.
My "date" took less time then I'd planned.
A lover's spat? Well, that'd require talking.
'Cause all Tina and I do is, - You know - If you can't say it, you really should not be doing it.
Sex.
Usually guys are a lot happier in these situations, Spittoon.
It's not that I don't like it, it's just it's weird.
I guess she's my girlfriend, but I don't even know her middle name.
Or her last name.
If you don't talk, is she technically a girlfriend? What else would she be? More like a friend with benefits? No, no.
No, "friends with bennies" talk.
The girl talks, usually complaining about other guys.
Which makes Rusty a booty call.
That's only if she calls him for late night drunk sex.
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen, Spitter is none of the above.
He is, instead, the embodiment of every man's dream.
You, my very lucky little friend, are now officially a Fff What you fun Buddy.
Fun buddy.
Hey, make sure we got one more case of vodka.
You bet.
Loading up on wine coolers for your American Girl spring fashion party? We're celebrating the end of Dean Bowman's restrictions, and since I was the one who made it possible, we're throwing a six-way tomorrow night.
All the best houses on campus.
We seem to have lost your invitation.
All right, guys, load up.
You used my argument.
And it was my argument that got the restrictions lifted.
Right, unfortunately, that's too long-winded to fit on the invitation you're not getting, so Well, you all know what this means! We should rush a rich kid next year? Two houses will enter the ring only one will survive.
Cap, it takes weeks of careful planning to create chaos.
- There's not enough time.
- Not to mention money.
It doesn't matter.
A great party's not about money, it's about a vision.
It's about faith.
- How do you spell "brunette"? - "B-R-O-W-N.
" Genius.
- My thumbs say thank you.
- What are you doing? Dating is a numbers game, so I'm making hot guy folders in my address book before the Omega Chi party tomorrow night.
And since we no longer have to deal with 11:00 PM curfews or noise limits The time is ripe to meet a ton of hot guys, get their phone numbers, and organize them, then pick a winner.
- Gimme your phone.
- No, thanks.
My hot-guy targeting skills suck lately.
Jail bait Jonah, - Shun-me Shane - So, what? You're just gonna spend the evening making small talk with your new "just-a-buddy" Evan? No, I'm totally going after guys tomorrow tonight, but I decided to let the universe work for me.
According to the book I'm reading, that's The Secret to getting what you want.
You focus, send out positive energy - and the guys will come to you.
- If you say so.
I'm sticking with the tried and true.
And I'm going to think about what would make me happy.
We ran out of hot water! Season 1 - Episode 20 " A Tale of Two Parties " You'll be happy to know that the water heater will be fixed later this afternoon, Which leads us to tonight's six-way at the Omega Chi house.
We still need two Sober Sisters to stay in and make sure the rest of us get back home safely.
And Betsy, I was kind of hoping that you'd volunteer considering how much "fun" you've had at past events.
And Miss the first party without restrictions, are you kidding? Just get some of the pledges to do it.
Are there any pledges not planning on going to the Omega Chi house? We're not.
Really? That's so great.
- You and another sister - We're going to the Kappa Tau party.
The Kappa Taus are having a party tonight? They are, they're the only ones who risked having parties with us when no one else would, I think we Zetas Betas should go to their house as a sign of solidarity.
Well, while we can all applaud the Kts for making a stand, a sloppy drunken one to be sure, we did officially accept the Omega Chi invitation, so Case, I'm a little confused.
That doesn't mean there's a rule that we all have to go, does it? - I'll get it.
- No, of course not, it's just that perhaps we should schedule another function with the Kts.
- Like putt-putt.
- Putt-putt? On! Tuesday night, three weeks from now.
Yay! - Meeting adjourned.
- It's your little brother.
Should I tell him you'll talk to him later? No, now is perfect.
What's going on? I'm having trouble with a girl.
Really.
What's the problem? Sex.
Come on, Casey, This is a bad idea.
And talking to your sister about sex isn't? I'm desperate.
I need the female point of view.
I'm a female.
If it gets too weird, you have my permission to leave.
Happy to help.
So, you're wondering if it's too soon to get intimate? What? No.
Tina and I are way past that.
Wait you no longer like her? Honestly, I don't really even know her.
Tina and I are fun buddies.
You're not here to brag, are you? That would just be weird.
What I am is just really confused.
What if I'm using her? Do girls do stuff like this? "It can be emotionally taxing to have uncommitted sex, so once in a while, have a truthful talk with yourself.
" Did you just make that up? April 2005, Cosmopolitan Magazine, American Edition, author Ian Kerner, noted sexologist.
I've read every issue from cover to cover since I was nine.
That's impressive.
So, do you both want the same thing? Well, Tina seems to really want this, and, - the sex is great.
- No bragging, remember? But something's missing.
It was different with Jen.
Girls can enjoy this kind of a relationship just as much as guys.
But the real question isn't just what Tina wants.
It's what you want, too.
Maybe it's just me, but, selling blood for beer doesn't seem like a good idea.
- Are you kidding, we have three kegs.
- And low blood sugar.
Which only means we'll get drunk faster.
I think of that as a "win-win.
" It's not going to make any difference anyway, I mean, three kegs, it's not gonna get us past the pre-party.
Which is why we scheduled entertainment.
Beaver, how's the Jell-O wrestling coming? One of the Jell-O wrestlers turned out to be allergic to gelatin, which means we're left with 87 boxes of strawberry powder and 18 cans of mandarin oranges.
There's always the other wrestler.
Two is art, one is just weird.
It's not too late to call this off, Cap.
Never.
Ben Bennett, I'm putting ou in charge of the Jell-O shots.
- But, we're out of vodka.
- Well, just use water.
You can make Jell-O with just water? I don't know.
Experiment and hope for the placebo effect.
Just the Cartwright I'm looking for.
I'm all yours, Cap, as soon as I get back from the dorms.
I have to tell Tina I can not see her anymore.
- It's her.
- I can't let you do that.
Cappie, I know you think I'm crazy, but I have to get out of this.
It might be everyone's dream, but it's not mine, and not doing anything is just making me all itchy.
Relationships you end in person.
Sex friends you let fade away.
If you treat casual sexcapades, which is what you and Tina have, like a relationship, you're just gonna end up making both parties feel embarrassed and awkward.
- But I can't just ignore her.
- That's exactly what you do.
You let her call a few times, you ignore the calls, she'll eventually realize that you're a scumbag, and she'll, you know, move on to somebody better.
- Wait.
Now I'm a scumbag? - But a scumbag with dignity.
But never fear, redemption is at hand.
Ice.
- Ice? - We need three bags.
You might find some change if you fish under the couch pillows.
What the? - Casey, can I talk to you for a sec? - Sure.
It's just a little free advice.
Frannie, you know you can always speak your mind.
You were a great president.
Well, mostly great.
Tonight's party isn't just about having a good time, it's about not disrupting our very delicate relationship with the Omega Chis, which would be seriously undermined if Rebecca and her pledge sisters went somewhere else.
- If you allow even a tiny - Hold on.
Rebecca, Mandi? Remember, Sober Sisters help any Zeta Beta in need.
And don't eat the ice cream on the left side of the freezer.
That's for me when I get back.
Night, Sisters.
I'm sorry.
You were saying? I was saying, Bravo.
Let's go! Let's go! She's in a rock and roll band I'm in a rock - I think this might've been a mistake.
- What was? Inviting Michael on our first date to a fraternity party filled with hot guys.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
But I do.
It looks like all the Pledges made it to the right party.
- Imagine that.
- Ladies.
Just to let you know, we have two fully stocked bars, the dance floor is filling up, and if anything goes wrong, please, don't bother telling me, because I'm going to be busy having a good time.
I'll drink to that.
Excuse me, girls.
I think there's a margarita with my name on it.
- So, you're having a good time? - Yeah, so far.
Good.
Because I want you to have a good time.
I mean, I want us both to have a good time.
It's a party.
Hey, no cuts! OK? What'd I tell you about cutting in line? Captain Cuts-A-Lot.
- Excuse me.
- What's your deal? Positivity initialized with the ex.
Positive energy going out to the rest of the party.
Hi.
Ryan Prince.
The cutest sweetest, smartest, pre-medest Most unavailable guy here.
Yeah.
Maybe you can send positive energy his way, and then send negative energy toward his skanky Tri-Pi girlfriend.
Unfortunately, I don't think The Secret works that way.
Then I'll stick to the traditional approach.
Thinking happy thoughts.
See you around, Sister.
Calvin! Can I talk to you for a sec? Starting now, you're off pledge duties.
I want you to keep an eye on Casey tonight.
- Excuse me? - OK, let me rephrase.
Can you keep guys away from Casey, as quietly as possible, tonight? I know you still have a thing for her, but Why do you think I'm doing this? Parties the perfect way to reconnect.
There's drinking, dancing, darkness and just enough time for things to happen naturally.
If I make a move too fast, it'll freak Casey out.
I need you to keep the field clear for a little while.
- This doesn't sound like a good idea.
- I'm not asking as a friend, I'm asking you as your big brother.
I'll do what I can.
All right.
Stop here.
Stop here.
Stop here! Not stopping here.
I bet people are just being fashionably late.
More party goers! Everyone, look alive! How many? Fourteen.
Ben Bennett said he put in placebos, - but I'm not feeling it.
- Me neither.
- Maybe we should go faster? - Good thinking.
How long until I become a scumbag? Give it time, Spitter.
It's a good party, though? This is not a party, this is a get-together.
Pretty soon, someone's gonna bust out a deck of cards and suggest that we play a rousing game of Pinochle.
Hey Cappie, we're almost out of beer.
OK, think.
We need beer.
We need girls.
We need girls who can't hold much beer.
Dorm girls.
We need dorm girls.
Hoover, Stork, dorm sweep.
Let's go.
- You know, your phone's ringing.
- It's Tina.
I want to tell her I can't do this anymore, but Cappie told me not to do anything.
Gave me the same advice when I was seeing this Tri-Pi.
Realy? What happened? She set my car on fire.
- I don't have a car.
- You got nothing to worry about.
You know, you can break up with a fun buddy over the phone.
Yeah, you see, I'm not exactly that good over the phone.
You just need some practice.
Wait.
You be you, I'll be Tina.
All right.
Rusty, I'm waiting.
Ring.
Ring.
Ring.
Hello, who is this? Hey, it's Rusty.
Rusty who? Just kidding.
So, are we gonna get together later? I'm so lonely and you're so good, especially when you do that thing with, you know I don't think we should do this anymore, Tina.
So that's it? You get me to sleep with you, then you treat me like dirt.
- Like I'm some piece of meat? - No I just - feel.
- You are such a pig! I hope you burn in hell, Rusty Cartwright! I hate you! And I'll hate you forever! I think you need more practice.
Jell-O shot? No way, I had Allesandri last semester, too.
So who'd you do the mid-term heroes project with? That part really blew.
So, at the last second, the TA tells me I have to write it by myself because of some new guy that showed up.
Weird.
I'm sorry, man.
Here, let me help you with that.
- Dude, dude, dude.
- I got it, thanks.
- I'll be right back.
- OK.
You go get cleaned up.
I'll show him where the kitchen is.
Sorry, Casey.
- Hey.
- What's up, Ryan? Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts.
Hey, Casey! Casey! Hey.
Hey, you're late.
I was worried.
I was grading papers.
On a Saturday night? Now I finally understand why you like it here.
You're like a moose shy of an Abercrombie ad.
No mocking, remember? I'm kidding.
I just I don't have a lot in common with a bunch of fraternity guys.
I'm a fraternity guy.
You're a fraternity guy interested in me.
It's different.
Damn.
Hey, why don't you go get a drink? Be right back.
I didn't know there was so much to fantasy baseball.
Yeah, it's complicated, more complicated than managing a real team.
I spend most weekends researching triple A shortstops, home/away splits, Obps Omega Chi/Lambda Sig boat race.
But I was just Gonna chicken out? - No way, man.
I'm totally in.
- No way! Great party? - All right, let's go.
- Go! Merlot, please? You know this is a fraternity party.
Michel? - You're - Glad you could make it.
Evan Chambers, Freshman year, French 101.
You were my TA.
Yeah, of course.
- You don't remember me? - I'm sorry, not at all.
All right.
That's all right.
I'm Calvin's big brother, and just so you know, I'm OK with it.
With what? My B minus.
French wasn't my thing.
Michel, dude! The universe has unreliable taste in men.
How's your approach working? Six guys'phone numbers, wow.
And I even made out with one of them.
Hey! There you are! I can't remember which one.
A blonde guy, I think.
To tell you the truth, this whole "happy thoughts" thing Might be working.
Where's Kaitlin? We broke up.
Yay universe.
Tonight sucks, and I for one, am not going to trade in one set of restrictions for another.
But we're pledges.
As the daughter of a politician, let me tell you, it is better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
Wait.
What are you doing? I'm going upstairs to slip on some party clothes after I tell our pledge sisters to meet us at Kappa Tau.
Are you coming? Tina here, again.
Call me back when you have a chance.
Talk to you soon.
Bye.
The kegs are floated, man.
What are we gonna do now? As black clouds portend a deathly storm, we are but simple sailors on a single mission, to save that which we hold most dear.
I think I speak for everyone here.
What are you talking about? We have no money, no money means no alcohol, no alcohol, no party.
But, I have a plan.
- To make money? - To steal the alcohol and the party.
Fellow adventurers, it's time for us to implement The douchebag bag.
I like it.
Good Lord.
It's like we died and went to Gossip Girl.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Didn't I tell everyone to go before we left? Pee quickly.
That must've been hard.
You and Kaitlin were together for so long.
Too long.
I know this may sound cheesy, but I think every relationship has a lifespan.
Once it's over, you can't bring it back.
It's not cheesy.
But it's still hard to let go.
- Same for you and Chambers? - Yeah, it's more the story of my life.
It's hard to let go of old relationships.
For us, things just got worse, and before I knew it, the fat lady was belting out an aria.
I didn't know Kaitlin could sing.
- Remind me not to get on your bad side.
- It's very small.
I promise.
That was pretty funny.
Kaitlin sing I'm seeing more of you tonight than I have ever.
It's just so nice to catch up.
Would it be possible to get me a drink? A beer? Two, please.
Light! What's going on? You've been buzzing around me all night.
You know, I think we don't get to sort of, you know You're stealing the mens for yourself.
That ain't fair, girlfriend.
I'm out.
You're on your own.
I think your little brother might have just lost it.
I think he's a little nervous tonight.
First visit to the house with a date.
But, I'll talk with him.
- Are you having a good time? - Actually I'm having a great time.
- How about you? - Almost too busy to notice.
When things kinda calm down, you wanna have a dance? - Friendly, you know.
- Sure.
I'd love to dance.
That's it.
I'm this way.
I'm sorry about earlier.
- It's kind of hard to explain.
- You don't have to.
Who's gonna start the bus? You know.
If you're not comfortable being here, we can always leave.
You made it through the gay and lesbian film night at the Titan, I think I can get through this.
Maybe I need another drink.
- I'll have a - Sorry, we're out of everything.
Refills? - What are you doing here? - I just came to buy you a drink.
- One's already on order.
- While we're waiting, I was wondering why no one from your house is at the KT party tonight.
For one, the Omega Chis sent us an invitation three days ago.
We would've, but Beaver couldn't find his crayons.
Not to mention you threw yours together at the last second.
Didn't seem to be a problem when you wanted us to help you with the Gatsby party.
Where were the Omega Chis then? We made our peace with the Omega Chis, Sorry if we seem like fair weather friends, but I'm sure we can work something out with the Kts, maybe in three weeks, bring your golf clubs.
Sounds great, as long as you don't make Rebecca a Sober Sister that night, too.
This has nothing to do with you and Rebecca.
It's about your problem with Evan, which I can't do anything about.
Don't put me in the middle of your feud.
Feud? What feud? I need to pee.
- The line starts down the hall.
- I need to pee now.
- Hey, no cuts! - I have a bladder infection! What's your name? - Your phone's ringing, Rusty.
- This girl I need to break up with.
I love break-ups.
What is she? Relationship, casual date, random hook-up, booty call? She's a fun buddy.
That's an easy one, send her an e-mail.
It's quick, to the point, personal without being too personal, easily deleted.
- Really? - Really.
Thank you.
Be right back.
That's so funny.
I was actually worried about talking with you.
Why? We've both always been in relationships, this may sound a little stalkerish but even when I was dating Kaitlin, I I always wondered what it'd be like to date you.
And.
After so much pressure you didn't want to ruin the fantasy if reality didn't measure up.
I felt the same way about you.
It's like a Seurat painting, getting too close is not always a good thing.
But not tonight? Tonight up close is perfect.
Have you seen Michael? I haven't seen him for a while.
- You OK? - Yeah, I'm fine.
I'm sorry if I screwed this up.
It's not your fault.
It's mine.
What're you going to do now? I'm, I'm gonna get a drink.
We have returned! You look hot.
And you look oddly clean.
Don't worry, it's only temporary.
Can I make you a drink? I guess I'll see you tomorrow? I don't know, will you? You've been avoiding me most of the night.
Sorry, I've been busy with pledge stuff.
But, you've been acting like this is the last place on earth you want to be.
I mean, if you're worried about the guys, don't be.
They're not homophobic.
Homophobic? I'm not worried about that.
Calvin I'm the oldest guy in this room.
What are you talking about? I was in first grade when you were born.
When I had my first legal drink, you were still in middle school.
And now, I'm in this fraternity party, and With someone who is finally old enough to not care about the differences.
Considering how you ran around all night, - you have a weird way of showing it.
- I know it.
You know, I planned a much different evening.
I was kinda hoping we could talk and drink, and then, I could sneak you off into a quiet corner and Discuss my age issues? I was thinking something a little more personal.
You look, not so good.
I can assure you, it's nowhere near as bad as I feel.
How's, Project Reconciliation going? Thank you.
I did my best.
You tell her how you feel? I was far more devious than that.
I had Calvin keep guys away from her so I could make my move.
And how's that working out for you? Not as well as it did the first time.
Remember Shane? You know why he stood Casey up after the Mr.
Purr-fect contest? 'Cause I paid him to leave her alone.
Pretty smart? Yeah, brilliant.
I distinctly remember you you telling me to take fate into my own hands.
Maybe instead of trying to keep all the guys away from one girl, you should find a girl who thinks you're the only guy in the room.
Guess it's all about timing.
And the right frame of mind.
Yes, totally.
- Steady there.
- I'm Betsy! Yes you are, and you need to go home.
Did you call Rebecca? Yes, I tried, and I tried, and I tried.
I'm sorry.
You go home.
I wanna go home.
Hey, you're really cute.
Do you want some of this? It's going straight to voicemail.
Rebecca must've taken off.
If you want, I can have some of my pledges walk her home, or Thanks, but, I need to take care of this.
I bet you give really good physicals.
- You want some company? - No, I have to go kill my little sister and I'm not sure I want you seeing that side of me yet.
But, I'll be back.
Promise.
There's no more booze in here anyway.
Paging Dr.
Prince! Paging Dr.
Prince! Rebecca and Mandi went AWOL.
Yeah.
Come on.
It looks like fate might be on your side after all.
"Hi Tina.
How are you? I'm fine.
Hey Tina, while I've really enjoyed seeing Thank you for the" President Cartwright! You decided to come to Kappa Tau after all! Just to make a delivery.
Sober Sister, this is for you.
I'm sorry, I didn't order this.
I'm not a this, I'm a she.
Or a her.
I'm a she-her.
Not your choice.
You're the Sober Sister, it's your responsibility to take care of the girls in the house and, I need to get back to the party, so I'm not entirely sober, either.
Well, all right, it's only about what's good for the house.
And Betsy.
- And what's good for you, right? - What's good for me right now now is this guy I just met at the Omega Chi party, you screwed that up, too.
I'm responsible for messing up your love life? You've done it before.
- Please! - Are you allergic to gelatin? What? Nothing.
It's just something a lot of us would like to see.
Cappie, would you explain to your girlfriend a pledge is required to do I think this has nothing to do with me, this is your problem with Rebecca, which I can't do anything about.
So, don't put me in the middle of your feud.
That's not good.
Clean up on aisle three! I'm sorry that I ruined your night.
You didn't ruin my night, Rebecca did.
You just helped.
But I'm afraid this might be your last party for awhile, Bets.
I need to lay down now.
I wasn't sure if you were gonna come back to the party.
I'm sorry about tonight, the snarky remark about your ex-girlfriend, the weirdness with Calvin, having to leave Hey.
It's OK.
I had a wonderful time.
Really? Without a doubt.
What happened to the alcohol? Someone stole it.
I'm pretty sure it was Cappie.
And you're not mad? You know, it's the funny thing about parties, you can't predict how they're gonna turn out.
Like relationships.
True.
But, you know, the difference is, in the end, parties don't matter.
I think we were both right.
What do you mean? I think you can wish for things to happen, but ultimately, fate is a numbers game.
Even if you're in on The Secret, you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you can find your prince.
Well, then that means after tonight, I'm three frogs closer.
Busy night? I'm closer by one.
You kissed Ryan? Oh my God, what was it like? Fireworks? Parades? Disney princess music? He remained a frog.
So Ryan Prince is a frog? He tried to catch a fly in my tonsils.
I dated a poker once, the whole time he was trying to, like, Jackhammer out my teeth.
I hate the foamers, the ones with wet mouths? It's like French kissing a St.
Bernard.
Or the swashbucklers, back and forth, back and forth.
I don't know why someone doesn't come up with some kissing rules, so when you find the right guy, there's never a surprise.
If all you wanna do is tell this chick you're not interested, send her a text.
- Really? - Sure.
Beaver, help me out, here.
IJWTS, UR, GR8.
"I just want to say you are great.
" Good one.
SLJBF.
"So let's just be friends.
" You're officially free.
I am.
I'm free.
I feel free.
Punch? I'm still ticked off you didn't back me up with Casey.
Sure I did.
You're still here, aren't you? That's not the point.
Someday you have to make a choice, like if Casey and I were drowning, which one of us would you save first? Neither, I can't swim.
But, Water Wings aside, you know what really bothers me? This.
This is still Evan's party.
Nice, well-behaved, clean.
A Kappa Tau affair is usually screwed up in some sick, depraved way.
But it's huge.
That's what you wanted, right? Size doesn't matter, well, I mean, sometimes it does, but this party it's not right.
That was fast.
I don't want to read it.
What did she say? "Rusty, thanks for letting me know.
By the way, I have crabs.
" Now this, this is a Kappa Tau party.
Good going, Spitter.
Now, leave, and don't come back for seven to ten days.
Crabs?