Invader ZIM (2001) s01e20 Episode Script
Bolognius Maximus
1
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You know, anyone who watches
you obsessively every day
would notice that you never
actually eat any of the food.
Why is that, Zim?
Don't like the taste,
or is it something more?
A weakness?
Don't be ridiculous.
I have already stuffed
my normal human belly
so full of delicious human filth
that I could not
eat another bite.
Baloney.
Aah! Aah!
The meat! The meat!
The horrible meat!
You're late, Dib.
This is the third
time this week.
Sorry, Ms. Bitters.
I was in the Biology
room trying to get pictures
of that vampire
gerbil in action.
That excuse is getting old.
Sit down.
Are you still mad
about that thing
with the sandwich?
Hey, bologna boy.
He has bologna on his head.
That's it, Dib. Laugh now.
Yes, laugh and frolic
in your vile meats of evil --
Meats of evil --
But know that
vengeance shall be mine.
Oh, how it will be mine!
Ow.
Ha ha ha ha!
This is your vengeance, Zim?
A tack?
That's pathetic -- even for you.
Class, today's horrible lesson
is about something horrible.
Open your horrible
textbooks to page 2,038.
Beautiful.
If Dib's cellular reaction
is the same that it
is for these test cells,
then my vengeance
will truly be complete.
Sleep well this night,
miserable human,
for it will be the
last peaceful sleep
you will ever know.
They try and say it's
just a regular mountain range
on the martian surface
and it's just a
trick of the light,
but come on, it is
so a monkey face.
Go away.
Looks like you finally
found some friends
who actually want
to be around you.
Yeeagh!
Yeeagh! Yeeagh!
Yee-yeeagh!
Quit it!
Hey, I'm delicious.
Gaz, taste me. I'm delicious.
Aah!
Late again, Dib.
And what is it this time,
vampire babies or
Bigfoot mailmen?
Dogs chasing me.
So many dogs.
Hey, what's that
nasty sandwichy smell?
I think it's Dib.
Dude. Dude.
I left my underwear
on for a month once,
and it kind of
smelled like he does.
Who's the joke now, Dib?
I told you you'd
suffer my revenge,
and now look at you.
What, you're mind
controlling slobbery dogs now?
Real scary, space boy.
A quick shower
and your vengeance
just washes right off.
Aw, man!
I'm gonna throw up.
The stink!
The stink!
Silence!
If I have to put up
with the awesome force
of your collective
child stench every day,
then so shall you all.
What is that smell?
So familiar.
The school has lost
its funding for textbooks,
so you've all been given
wildlife survival manuals.
Today you'll be quizzed
on how to skin a moose.
Ms. Bitters,
I think there's a skinned moose
somewhere in the class.
Dib?
You stink!
Go to the bathroom
and roll around in the
toilet until you smell better.
But I'll smell like the toilet.
Exactly.
But Willie was the
last one to use it.
Now.
Oh, yeah, Dib?
Uh, my vengeance
is now complete.
Nope.
Still delicious.
No one should be this delicious.
What's going on?
Aah!
Zim.
Computer, analyze.
Run a chemical check.
Is there any unusual
foreign substance
on the tack?
Analysis done.
Unknown substance detected.
And my skin sample,
does it contain the
same substance?
Yes. Substance
detected in Dib's cells.
So, a foreign DNA sequence --
and Zim got it inside me
by making me sit on that tack.
Computer, where did
this DNA originate from?
Analyzing.
Bologna!
Zim has introduced
bologna DNA into my body?
Computer, have I
absorbed the bologna?
No. Subject Dib has been
fused with subject bologna.
No-o-o!
Zim?
Is it a fair fight?
Is this moose creature
wielding any sort of
projectile weapons?
No. No, it's not.
Eew.
I know what you've done, Zim,
and it's not funny.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Get away from me, sandwich boy.
The cure!
Make it stop, Zim.
Make this thing
you've done to me stop.
There is no cure!
And I'll never make it stop.
You might as
well resign yourself
to your meaty fate.
I told you you would
forever rue the day
you messed with Zim!
Now, begin your ruing.
I'll just sit here and watch.
No-o-o!
Ahem.
I know all about
your little trick, Zim.
I must admit it's
a pretty good joke.
I-- I think it deserves
some praise.
Finally, the day has come.
It's about time you
acknowledged me
as the superior being I so am.
It shall make my victory
sweeter to know that--
Ow! Ow!
Ha ha ha ha!
Joke's on you, Zim.
Now you have to find a
cure for the bologna thing.
Fool!
You think I would
share the cure with you?
I'll find a cure
and keep it all to myself
and then watch you transform
more and more into
what you really are
deep down in your heart.
Deep down I'm bologna?
Yes.
That's just dumb.
Dumb like a moose, Dib.
Dumb like a moose.
Hey, wait.
The cure!
No!
The reaction is much
quicker inside of me.
It's worse than I imagined.
Computer, quickly
engineer a serum
to reverse the effects
of the mutagen.
Command voice not recognized.
Intruder present.
Intruder?
I am Zim!
Run a scan to
verify that I am Zim!
Bioscan verification complete.
Intruder is bologna.
The dogs --
after my juicy meat body
of bologna meat!
Zim, what are you doing here?
My base, my labs,
they don't think I'm really me.
The transformation is so bad
it sees me as a
different creature now.
I must use your labs.
You want to use my labs?
It's the only way.
I must find the cure.
Quickly! The dogs --
Listen to them!
You know, it would
benefit you as well.
Just this once,
we work together.
Mortal enemies working together
for the common good!
Be quiet!
Finally, I think we've done it.
Eew!
Oh, you rotten alien monster.
This inferior equipment,
Irken babies play with
more advanced toys.
Hey, we wouldn't be in this mess
if it weren't for
your stupid evil.
This is all your fault.
Now what, Zim?
What's your next plan?
Let's run screaming.
You jerk.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
You know, anyone who watches
you obsessively every day
would notice that you never
actually eat any of the food.
Why is that, Zim?
Don't like the taste,
or is it something more?
A weakness?
Don't be ridiculous.
I have already stuffed
my normal human belly
so full of delicious human filth
that I could not
eat another bite.
Baloney.
Aah! Aah!
The meat! The meat!
The horrible meat!
You're late, Dib.
This is the third
time this week.
Sorry, Ms. Bitters.
I was in the Biology
room trying to get pictures
of that vampire
gerbil in action.
That excuse is getting old.
Sit down.
Are you still mad
about that thing
with the sandwich?
Hey, bologna boy.
He has bologna on his head.
That's it, Dib. Laugh now.
Yes, laugh and frolic
in your vile meats of evil --
Meats of evil --
But know that
vengeance shall be mine.
Oh, how it will be mine!
Ow.
Ha ha ha ha!
This is your vengeance, Zim?
A tack?
That's pathetic -- even for you.
Class, today's horrible lesson
is about something horrible.
Open your horrible
textbooks to page 2,038.
Beautiful.
If Dib's cellular reaction
is the same that it
is for these test cells,
then my vengeance
will truly be complete.
Sleep well this night,
miserable human,
for it will be the
last peaceful sleep
you will ever know.
They try and say it's
just a regular mountain range
on the martian surface
and it's just a
trick of the light,
but come on, it is
so a monkey face.
Go away.
Looks like you finally
found some friends
who actually want
to be around you.
Yeeagh!
Yeeagh! Yeeagh!
Yee-yeeagh!
Quit it!
Hey, I'm delicious.
Gaz, taste me. I'm delicious.
Aah!
Late again, Dib.
And what is it this time,
vampire babies or
Bigfoot mailmen?
Dogs chasing me.
So many dogs.
Hey, what's that
nasty sandwichy smell?
I think it's Dib.
Dude. Dude.
I left my underwear
on for a month once,
and it kind of
smelled like he does.
Who's the joke now, Dib?
I told you you'd
suffer my revenge,
and now look at you.
What, you're mind
controlling slobbery dogs now?
Real scary, space boy.
A quick shower
and your vengeance
just washes right off.
Aw, man!
I'm gonna throw up.
The stink!
The stink!
Silence!
If I have to put up
with the awesome force
of your collective
child stench every day,
then so shall you all.
What is that smell?
So familiar.
The school has lost
its funding for textbooks,
so you've all been given
wildlife survival manuals.
Today you'll be quizzed
on how to skin a moose.
Ms. Bitters,
I think there's a skinned moose
somewhere in the class.
Dib?
You stink!
Go to the bathroom
and roll around in the
toilet until you smell better.
But I'll smell like the toilet.
Exactly.
But Willie was the
last one to use it.
Now.
Oh, yeah, Dib?
Uh, my vengeance
is now complete.
Nope.
Still delicious.
No one should be this delicious.
What's going on?
Aah!
Zim.
Computer, analyze.
Run a chemical check.
Is there any unusual
foreign substance
on the tack?
Analysis done.
Unknown substance detected.
And my skin sample,
does it contain the
same substance?
Yes. Substance
detected in Dib's cells.
So, a foreign DNA sequence --
and Zim got it inside me
by making me sit on that tack.
Computer, where did
this DNA originate from?
Analyzing.
Bologna!
Zim has introduced
bologna DNA into my body?
Computer, have I
absorbed the bologna?
No. Subject Dib has been
fused with subject bologna.
No-o-o!
Zim?
Is it a fair fight?
Is this moose creature
wielding any sort of
projectile weapons?
No. No, it's not.
Eew.
I know what you've done, Zim,
and it's not funny.
I don't know what
you're talking about.
Get away from me, sandwich boy.
The cure!
Make it stop, Zim.
Make this thing
you've done to me stop.
There is no cure!
And I'll never make it stop.
You might as
well resign yourself
to your meaty fate.
I told you you would
forever rue the day
you messed with Zim!
Now, begin your ruing.
I'll just sit here and watch.
No-o-o!
Ahem.
I know all about
your little trick, Zim.
I must admit it's
a pretty good joke.
I-- I think it deserves
some praise.
Finally, the day has come.
It's about time you
acknowledged me
as the superior being I so am.
It shall make my victory
sweeter to know that--
Ow! Ow!
Ha ha ha ha!
Joke's on you, Zim.
Now you have to find a
cure for the bologna thing.
Fool!
You think I would
share the cure with you?
I'll find a cure
and keep it all to myself
and then watch you transform
more and more into
what you really are
deep down in your heart.
Deep down I'm bologna?
Yes.
That's just dumb.
Dumb like a moose, Dib.
Dumb like a moose.
Hey, wait.
The cure!
No!
The reaction is much
quicker inside of me.
It's worse than I imagined.
Computer, quickly
engineer a serum
to reverse the effects
of the mutagen.
Command voice not recognized.
Intruder present.
Intruder?
I am Zim!
Run a scan to
verify that I am Zim!
Bioscan verification complete.
Intruder is bologna.
The dogs --
after my juicy meat body
of bologna meat!
Zim, what are you doing here?
My base, my labs,
they don't think I'm really me.
The transformation is so bad
it sees me as a
different creature now.
I must use your labs.
You want to use my labs?
It's the only way.
I must find the cure.
Quickly! The dogs --
Listen to them!
You know, it would
benefit you as well.
Just this once,
we work together.
Mortal enemies working together
for the common good!
Be quiet!
Finally, I think we've done it.
Eew!
Oh, you rotten alien monster.
This inferior equipment,
Irken babies play with
more advanced toys.
Hey, we wouldn't be in this mess
if it weren't for
your stupid evil.
This is all your fault.
Now what, Zim?
What's your next plan?
Let's run screaming.
You jerk.