Robot Chicken s01e20 Episode Script

It's alive! Aah! Extra! Extra! Newspaper boys are anachronisms in modern-day society! Read all about it! Dude, I heard that some kid ate some Pop Rocks and drank some soda, and his stomach exploded and he died, dude! Ha ha ha! No way.
That never happened.
- I dare you to do it.
- No way.
Let's make Mikey do it.
He'll try anything.
I'll bet you a dollar he doesn't.
Lame! Ha ha ha! I knew nothing would happen.
- Unh! Uhh! - He's gonna explode! Guys? Uh, guys? Uh, guys? Mommy, Mommy, that boy out there is running faster than the train! What did I tell you about being stupid? You don't get a birthday this year.
Aah! We gotta cap that fire! Whew! Thanks, mister.
- Oh, my God! - Mikey! La la la la la la la Uhh! Ugh! Are we patched in? Over.
You are a go.
Over.
Domino's pizza.
Um, yeah, hello.
I'd like one meat lover's pizza to be delivered.
No problem.
If it isn't there in thirty minutes, it's free.
Let me get the address.
Yeah, try 1414 "We're in orbit around the planet" Avenue 'cause we're on the space station, jerk-wad! That's 23,203 free pizzas so far.
Sir, sir, we're all out of twisty bread.
Let's call them again.
Sir, who are we going to conquer today? Whoever I feel like conquering.
Gosh! I think Europe is weak.
I don't know.
We can attack them or something.
You can be emperor, maybe.
As long as I have my mule.
Sweet! Sir, we're outnumbered.
I was outnumbered by ninjas and wolverines over summer break but I killed them all with my nunchucks.
Gosh! Idiots! Napoleon Bonamite, you are hereby sentenced to live out the rest of your days in exile.
Sweet! My darling Mrs.
Fluffy Bottom ours is a love than can never be.
Meow.
Everything floats down here! That is, if its mass per unit of volume is equal to or lighter than that of water.
Coming this fall to Bravo get ready for Ass-pirates of the Caribbean! Argh! I love being a naughty pirate! Ooh! Argh! Bravo! Somewhere along the line, we got really, really gay! You see Tiffany yet? She hit puberty during summer break.
You serious? Oh, man, I can't wait! Puberty rules! Oh, shh, shh! There she is.
- Well, hello, boys.
- Uh, hey, Tiffany.
Yeah, what's up, Tiffany? Good summer? - Her boobs are huge now! - Awesome! I want to squeeze 'em! - Hey! - Ha ha ha! Don't! Don't! That's sand.
You better stop that.
I ruined your ice cream! It's my day! Hey, no, stop! Hey, now, stop.
Aw, choke on it! Ha ha! Nerd! You gonna take that, boy? Wow! It's red-headed African-American baseball great Barry McGuire! Yes.
I'm very amazing, and you're a nerd.
But if I train you, you won't have to put up with bullies no more.
And by "train," I mean inject you with this Barry McGuire's Super Happy Fun-time Anger Go-go Juice.
Shazam! and he was all, "Oh, please, mister, that sand hurts.
" - Yeah, yeah? And then? - I kicked some more.
Ha ha! You are an artist! Ugh! What do you want? - Oh, dear.
Don't do that to me.
- Oh, man, that looks painful! Aargh! Don't do drugs, kids.
This fall, get ready for adventure and romance in the new TV series Lewis and Clark.
Clark, we've followed this river for days.
We'll follow it as far as it goes, Lewis.
How, explorers.
Do you need direc Hyah! - Oh, Clark.
- Oh, Lewis.
That's, um pretty much the whole joke.
And it would've been a lot more relevant ten years ago when Lois and Clark was still on the air.
L I have a concussion.
Ha ha! I need something to whet my whistle.
It's a play on words, jackass! - D'oh! - Ah ha ha ha! Unh! Now, Billy, you might feel bad about taking the life of an animal, but Yeah! What else do we kill? That's my boy.
Bam! All right! Die! Uh-oh! Whoo! Bam! Hey, oh! Oh! Oh! Whoo-hoo! - Uh - Yeah! Yeah! Die! Yeah! All right! Yeah! Uh, finally out of ammo there, chief? Heh.
Time to take old painless out of the bag.
High-caliber fun! Ha ha! Hey, milk, you've expired.
What? - Life day renew! - Life day renew! - Renew! - Renew! George, did you remember to pack Hopalong? Hell, yes, I did.
I can't oversee the middle east peace process without good old Hopalong.
Bang bang! You're dead, woman.
Sir! Sir! Sir! Air Force One, it's missing! Oh, pick up, pick up, pick up.
Take that out of your hello? Reveal your identity, you plane snatcher! Oh, sorry there, W.
Had to borrow the old AF-1.
We're going to Burning Man.
Whoo-hoo! Please fasten your seat belts, as the ride may get funky.
Wet blanket alert on the phone, y'all! Who wants more Jell-o shots? Whoo-hoo! Shoot it down.
Blackula versus Blackenstein Versus the Black Mummy will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you the following program.
- Hey, Sarah.
- Yeah, Seth? Hey, did I ever tell you about my cousin? She eats nothing but pancakes.
Wow.
Is she overweight? Are you kidding? She's stacked! - Hey, Breckin Meyer! - Yeah, Chinese restaurant guy? Yeah, yeah.
You ever see a cat-gopher? Cat-gopher? What's a cat-gopher? Cat go for $6 if I put enough MSG on it.
Ha ha! Seriously, is this the only part of the sketch I'm in? I just spent an hour and fifteen minutes in traffic getting here.
Granted, it's in a Benz, but this is horse oh you! You know what? I'm going home, OK? You can kiss my ass.
I was in Garfield, mother Soon you will be free.
Blue skies! Barthy burgers! Girls! I meant soon you will be free to watch our movies on demand service.
That's still pretty good.
Unfortunately, the only movie we have on demand is Christmas with the Kranks.
No! Mac, you know I'm a vegetarian.
Mila, this is Barth's.
The only real meat here is in the cockroaches.
I heard that.
Blech! Blech! Blech! Now, that's comedy.
Please welcome our special guest tonight vice president of Adult Swim, Keith Crofford.
Thanks, Seth.
I just wanted to say that y'all are doing a really good job on Robot Chicken.
That's great! So, when are we getting renewed for another season? Um I don't know.
You're cancelled.
Stupid monkey.