The Fall Guy (1981) s01e20 Episode Script
Three for the Road
WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
OKAY, WE'RE ROLLING.
COME ON, COLT.
[ Colt .]
THIS PARTICULAR DAY, I WAS DOIN' A JUMP THA I SAID COULDN'T BE DONE-- AND I WAS RIGHT.
COLT, YOU CHICKENED OUT.
AFRAID TO TAKE THE CHANCE? GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH CHANCE.
IT'S A SURE THING NO WAY THAT GAG CAN BE DONE.
OH, YEAH? JASON HERE SAYS IT CAN.
YEAH? YOU KNOW HE'S GO A PIN IN HIS HIP.
YEAH, FROM ANOTHER GAG HE WAS SURE OF.
I'LL DO IT.
NO, YOU WON'T.
I WILL.
WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF IDIOTS? I TOLD YOU BEFORE THERE'S NO WAY TO MAKE THAT JUMP IN THAT CAR WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF.
I KNOW I CAN.
I SHOULD HAVE FIRST CRACK AT IT.
THIS IS YOUR DEPARTMENT.
I DON'T CARE WHO DOES IT, AS LONG AS IT GETS DONE.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'VE LOS THE SUN FOR TODAY.
WE'LL GO WITH IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
I'LL BE READY.
YOU OWE IT TO ME, COLT.
WHY? YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING THAT BAD TO ME.
MAY I HELP YOU, MISS? OH, I HOPE SO.
I NEED SOME VERY SPECIAL JEWELRY.
SOMETHING TO GO WITH THE COAT? THAT WOULD BE ON THE SECOND FLOOR.
OH, NO.
TO GO WITH THIS.
YOU SEE, THEY WANT ME FOR ANOTHER CENTERFOLD SHOWING EVERYTHING-- WELL, ALMOST EVERYTHING.
THE ALMOST NEEDS TO BE COVERED WITH THE EXPENSIVE JEWELS.
YOU GET IT? ALL THAT GLITTERS-- [ Giggles .]
[ Alarm Ringing .]
[ Siren Wailing .]
MISS HOLIDAY? YES? SAMANTHA JACK.
HI.
YOUR BAIL HAS BEEN PAID.
NOW OFF YOU GO.
FREE AS A BIRD.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON' TRY AND FLY AWAY.
I TOLD YOU I WAS INNOCENT.
LOOK, SWEETIE, DOESN'T MATTER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
I'VE SEEN THE GUILTY STAY AND FIGHT IT OUT IN COURT, AND I'VE SEEN THE INNOCENT PANIC AND RUN.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
YEAH.
WELL, THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HI, KAY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
JUST DOING MY JOB.
AS WELL YOU SHOULD, BIG JACK.
I THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY INSURED THE JEWELS.
OH, THEY DID.
BUT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MONEY MY COMPANY MIGHT LOSE, THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS MUST BE SERVED.
THAT WOMAN IS INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
SHE HAS THE RIGH TO BE FREE ON BAIL.
HELLO.
ARE YOU THE KAY FAULKNER THAT I KNOW? AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.
I THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY WOULD BE STUCK FOR THREE MILLION DOLLARS.
THEY MIGHT BE.
BUT I HAVE SEEN YOU FIGH LIKE A BARRACUDA OVER A $1,000 RECOVERY.
WHY ARE YOU SO CALM? OH, I'VE BEEN READING A LOT ABOUT BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S DEVASTATING STUFF.
OH.
WATCH YOURSELF, BIG JACK.
WE'RE READY AT THIS END, COLT.
HOW ARE YOU? [ Colt On Radio .]
ALL SET DOWN HERE.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
LET'S DO IT.
OKAY, GUYS, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
[ Man .]
ROLLING! VERY QUIET, PLEASE.
[ Man #2 .]
TAKE! COLT'S NOT TRYING THAT GAG, IS HE? YEAH, HE'S SETTING UP FOR IT RIGHT NOW.
BUT HE SAID I WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT, COLT.
[ Man .]
HERE HE COMES, DOUG.
THAT'S SUICIDE.
YOU GOTTA STOP HIM! HE'LL MAKE IT.
HE'LL MAKE IT.
[ Jody Screaming .]
COLT! OH, MY GOD.
JODY, I'M SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
YEAH, A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD IT'S GONNA DO HIM NOW! YEAH, IT WILL.
A MAN ALWAYS LEARNS FROM EXPERIENCE.
- IT CAN'T BE YOU.
- JODY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, - THERE ARE NO GHOSTS? - WHO'S IN THE CAR? REMOTE CONTROL.
WE RIGGED IT LAST NIGHT.
COLT, YOU HAD NO RIGH TO DO THAT TO US! WELL, CONSIDER MY ALTERNATIVE.
EITHER ONE OF THESE KIDS OR ME DOWN THERE WITH THAT CAR.
OH, GREAT.
NOW EVEN IF I WANTED TO DO THE GAG YOUR WAY, THERE'S NO CAR TO DO IT WITH.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT NOW YOU MIGHT CONSIDER DOING IT WHERE I WANTED TO DO IT TO BEGIN WITH? YEAH.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? - WELL, I GOT A BACKUP CAR RIGHT BEHIND THE HILL.
- YOU DO? ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE GOT A PICTURE TO MAKE.
WE'RE ON THE MOVE.
YOU KNOW, EVEN DOING I YOUR WAY OVER THERE, IT'S STILL DANGEROUS.
WELL, DANGER I CAN HANDLE.
IT'S THE MYSTERY BEYOND I'M NOT READY FOR.
[ Colt .]
PRETTY NEAT CRASH, HUH? [ Howie .]
YEAH.
COLT! COLT! COLT! HOW WAS THAT? [ Woman .]
TE AMO.
I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY.
[ Howie .]
AND WHAT ABOUT ME? [ Woman .]
OH, ERES MARAVILLOSO.
[ Howie .]
THANKS.
SO ARE YOU.
[ Colt .]
YOU LIKE US BOTH? [ Woman .]
SÃ, CON TODO MI CORAZÃN.
BIG JACK.
COME ON IN.
OH! NO, THANKS.
I UNDERSTAND SPANISH.
AH, WE'RE JUST GETTING SE FOR OUR PICTURE IN SPAIN.
OH! [ Laughs .]
I'M REALLY GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
COLT, I NEED YOU TO GO DOWN AND REVOKE A BOND FOR ME.
YEAH, WHOSE? OH, THIS GIRL THAT WAS INVOLVED IN THE JEWEL ROBBERY.
YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
WELL, WHEN I BAILED HER OUT, KAY FAULKNER WAS THERE.
SO? HER COMPANY IS PROBABLY THE INSURERS.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUT KAY WAS FOR ME BAILING THIS GIRL OUT.
YOU FIGURE KAY WANTS HER TO RUN SO SHE'LL LEAD HER TO THE JEWELS? - YOU CAN BET ON IT.
- HOW SURE ARE YOU THAT THIS GIRL WAS PART OF THE JOB? HAVE THEY MADE A POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION? ABSOLUTELY.
AND ONE THAT I THINK THAT YOU'LL APPRECIATE.
THIS IS A VIDEOCASSETTE THA WAS TAKEN AT THE ACTUAL ROBBERY.
HMM.
AND AFTER YOU SEE IT, I DON'T THINK THERE'LL BE ANY DOUBT IN YOUR MIND AS TO HER IDENTIFICATION.
AN ESTIMATED THREE MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH OF PRECIOUS STONES AND JEWELS WERE TAKEN.
THE ONLY POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION WAS A WOMAN WHO WAS TAPED BY THE STORE'S SECURITY CAMERA.
WEARING ONLY A BIKINI UNDER HER MINK COAT, SHE DISTRACTED THE GUARD FROM NOTICING HER TWO ALLEGED COMPANIONS.
- WOW.
- WHERE DID SHE HIDE THE JEWELS? SHE DIDN'T.
TWO FRIENDS HELPED HER.
AND NOW, COLT, I NEED YOUR HELP.
WHEN ASKED WHY THE ALLEGED FEMALE ACCOMPLICE PROVED TO BE SUCH AN EFFECTIVE DISTRACTION-- HOWIE! HOWIE, YOU'RE DROOLING ON MY CARPET.
IN A MINUTE, COLT.
SO CHILDISH.
YEAH.
YOU SHOULD SEE HIM WATCHING SESAME STREET.
[ Laughs .]
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.
UH-HUH.
I HAVE MY TICKET.
I'M ALL SET.
OKAY, I WILL.
BYE, SWEETHEART.
[ Kisses .]
BYE.
KID, LEAVE THE MOTOR RUNNING.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
COLT SEAVERS.
COLT! COLT! AH-AH-AH-AH! [ Stammers .]
NO.
HELLO, COLT.
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.
OH, WELL.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
I GOT A HUNCH HISTORY IS ABOU TO REPEAT ITSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M GONNA REVOKE HER BOND.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WATCH ME.
COLT, THAT MEANS SHE'S GONNA GO BACK TO JAIL.
THAT'S THE IDEA.
COLT, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LEAD ME TO THOSE JEWELS.
AND THAT COULD COS BIG JACK $50,000.
AND THAT COULD COST MY COMPANY THREE MILLION DOLLARS.
I THINK THAT'S JUS A LITTLE BIT MORE IMPORTANT.
I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHOSE MONEY'S GETTIN' LOST.
OKAY.
OKAY.
- IF HE WANTS TO PLAY-- - KEEP AN EYE ON HER, WILL YA? SHE WON'T GIVE ME ANY TROUBLE.
YEAH, WELL, SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.
YEAH, SO AM I.
[ Ringing .]
HELLO.
JINX, THIS IS KAY FAULKNER FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY.
WE TALKED WHILE YOU WERE IN JAIL.
[ Knocking .]
WAIT.
COULD YOU HOLD ON A SEC? SOMEONE'S AT THE FRONT DOOR.
DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR.
HE'S THERE TO REVOKE YOUR BOND.
YOU'RE GOING BACK TO JAIL UNLESS YOU DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO.
GO OUT THE BACK DOOR, RIGHT NOW.
I'LL PICK YOU UP.
NOW, MOVE! WHAT'S THE HURRY, KAY? HOWIE! HOWIE.
HOWIE.
HOWIE, GIVE ME THOSE KEYS.
JUST AS SOON AS COLT COMES BACK.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU? YOU GUYS CAUSE ME MORE TROUBLE-- - HEY! - [ Horn Honking .]
[ Tires Screeching .]
[ Colt .]
HEY, THAT'S MY TRUCK.
THEY'RE TAKING MY TRUCK! - KID, HOLD IT! - [ Tires Screech .]
SLIDE OVER, KID.
WHAT'S SHE DOIN' WITH MY TRUCK? YOU WERE RIGHT.
SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.
OH, NO.
HE'S GOT MY CAR.
YOU MEAN, THIS ISN'T YOUR TRUCK? DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DRIVES A TRUCK? YOU NEVER KNOW.
[ Jinx .]
WATCH OUT! - MY TRUCK.
- [ Tires Squeal .]
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'! I'LL KILL HER.
SHE PUTS ONE DENT IN THE FENDER OF MY TRUCK, I'M GONNA DRIVE THIS THROUGH A WALL! [ Sighs .]
GEEZ.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
DUMB LUCK.
SHE COULDN' DO THAT AGAIN IN A MILLION YEARS.
I DON'T KNOW, COLT.
I THINK SHE'S A PRETTY GOOD DRIVER.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
NOW, COLT! DO IT, COLT! SHE'S BLUFFING.
SO AM I.
- [ Horn Honking .]
- [ Jinx .]
YOU'RE GONNA HIT HIM! - [ Screams .]
- COLT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SEAVERS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS CAR IS WORTH? [ Colt .]
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I STILL OWE ON THIS TRUCK? AND DO YOU KNOW THA JINX IS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET AND GETTING AWAY? [ Rock .]
THERE'S A MAN OUT THERE CHASING ME! I THINK HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HE RIPPED OFF MY DRESS! LOOK! PLEASE, SIR, HELP ME.
[ Continues .]
I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU ROT IN THERE.
BOY, DO I OWE HER ONE.
BOY, DO YOU OWE ME 50,000 BIG ONES.
AM I FREE? YES.
GOOD.
I NEED THE REST.
COLT, YOU BLEW I AND NOW SHE'S RUN OFF.
YOU WANT ME TO RUN AFTER HER? WELL, IT'S ONLY FAIR.
SINCE WHEN DID "FAIR" ENTER OUR RELATIONSHIP? IT'S KAY.
SHE BEAT US HERE.
YEAH.
YOU'RE GETTIN' FAST, KID.
GEEZ! [ Door Closes .]
[ Footsteps Approaching .]
[ Clears Throat .]
HI, COLT.
WELL, I'M SO GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
OH, YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? SAME THING YOU ARE.
TRYING TO FIGURE OU WHERE SHE WENT.
ANY LUCK? NO.
- MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
- OH, YEAH? HOW? BY SEEING WHAT YOU HID.
[ Chuckles .]
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
WELL-- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? YOU WOULDN'T DARE.
I ALWAYS LIKED MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.
ALL RIGHT-- ALL RIGHT! YOU WIN.
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE SHE WENT.
UH-UH-UH.
SHOW ME.
ALL RIGHT.
FIRS I WANT TO MAKE A DEAL.
THAT DEPENDS ON WHO'S SHUFFLING.
WE CAN BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS AND BOTH LOSE OUT, OR WE CAN WORK TOGETHER AND GET WHAT WE'RE AFTER.
WE'RE AFTER TWO DIFFERENT THINGS-- YOU WANT HER OUT OF JAIL.
I WANT HER IN.
I AM SURE THAT SHE'S ON HER WAY TO MEE HER PALS WITH THE JEWELS.
IT'S REAL SIMPLE, COLT.
I GET THE JEWELS, AND LIKE ALL GOOD HEROES, YOU GET THE GIRL.
MAKES SENSE.
- NO, IT DOESN'T.
- WHY NOT? - BECAUSE IT'S YOUR IDEA.
- [ Sighs .]
KID.
IT MAKES SENSE.
A BUS SCHEDULE FROM TIJUANA.
NOW, IT'S REAL OBVIOUS THAT JINX IS ON HER WAY DOWN THERE AND SHE'S LEAVING FROM THERE FOR THAT PLACE THAT'S UNDERLINED, "COLIMA.
" AHA.
I THINK I GOT IT.
WE CAN ONLY GUESS WHERE SHE'S GOING AND HOW SHE'S GONNA GET THERE.
SO WE GOTTA COVER ALL THE BASES.
KAY AND I WILL FLY DOWN TO MEXICO.
- KID, YOU DRIVE THE TRUCK DOWN.
- I HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THAT WAY? FIRST, SEE IF YOU CAN GET ON HER TRAIL, IN CASE SHE DID TAKE THE BUS.
-SECOND, WE'LL NEED THE TRUCK TO BRING HER BACK.
-EXTRADITION COULD TAKE FOREVER.
YEAH.
WITH THOSE JEWELS, BRIBERY ISN' OUT OF THE QUESTION.
THAT'S RIGHT.
SO, IT SOUNDS GOOD ENOUGH, AND I'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
I'M SURE YOU WILL.
HOW CAN YOU TRUST HER? [ Scoffs .]
WELL, I REALLY DON'T.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU INTO, BONDAGE? NO.
DISCIPLINE.
OF ALL THE LOW-DOWN DIRTY TRICKS.
I HAD A GOOD TEACHER, KAY.
WE'LL BE IN COLIMA.
CALL ME AT THE HOTEL, KID.
WHICH HOTEL? THERE'S ONLY ONE.
I DID A PICTURE THERE ONCE.
WITHOUT ME? KID, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I DID HAVE A LIFE BEFORE YOU.
[ Dog Barking .]
GRACIAS.
PAY THE MAN, SEAVERS.
HA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
ME, HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH COLT SEAVERS.
[ Laughs .]
HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
COME ON.
[ Mariachi .]
KAY, YOU REALLY MUST'VE BEEN SOMETHING BEFORE INSURANCE THINNED OUT YOUR BLOOD.
OH, I THINK IT'S STARTING TO THICKEN UP TONIGHT.
- [ Stops .]
- [ Gasps .]
OH, COLT, DON'T LET 'EM STOP! HEY, AMIGOS! UH, SOME MORE NICE MUSIC, HUH? YOU REALLY ARE ROMANTIC, AREN'T YOU? AH, JUST A TOUCH OF CLASS.
- [ "Mexican Hat Dance" .]
- [ Laughs .]
[ Phone Ringing .]
OH, COLT, I LOVE YOUR ROMANTIC SONGS.
I GUESS THEY KNOW ME.
YEAH.
UH, SÃ.
UH, UN-UN MOMENTO.
- UH, SEÃOR.
- [ Laughing .]
[ Stops .]
SEÃOR! - IS YOUR NAME COLT? - SÃ.
TELEPHONE.
AH, GRACIAS, AMIGO.
WHO'D BE CALLING ME AT THIS HOUR? WELL.
- YES? - COLT, IT'S ME.
WHERE ARE YOU? UH, A COUPLE HOURS AWAY.
HOW'S IT GOIN' BETWEEN YOU TWO? LIKE A ROMANCE BETWEEN A COBRA AND A MONGOOSE.
WELL, YOU THINK SHE'S ON THE LEVEL ABOUT COOPERATING? - SHE WOULDN'T KNOW HOW.
- HOW YOU GONNA GET HER OUT OF THE WAY SO YOU CAN GRAB JINX? I'LL FIGURE THAT OU WHEN JINX SHOWS UP.
- I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THIS IS A WILD GOOSE CHASE.
- NO, NO, NO.
I DOGGED THREE DIFFERENT BUSES, BUT I FINALLY FOUND HER.
- HEY, GOOD WORK.
- LOOK, I COULD GRAB HER RIGHT NOW - AND TAKE HER BACK ACROSS THE BORDER.
- NO, NO, NO, DON'T.
TRYING TO GET HER ACROSS THE BORDER'S PRETTY RISKY.
IF YOU GOT CAUGHT, THE MEXICAN POLICE WOULD THROW AWAY THE KEY.
- SHE'S GETTING BACK ON THE BUS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? - WELL, STAY WITH HER.
LOOK, I KNOW HOW ROUGH IT IS, KID.
JUST REMEMBER, IT'S A DIRTY JOB, BU SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, THAT WAS THE KID.
HE'S STILL IN THE BOONDOCKS AND NO LUCK YET.
OH, POOR HOWIE.
YEAH, I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
NOT FOR VERY LONG.
AH! HEY, I CAN FIX THAT.
NO PROBLEM.
UH, I GO A LITTLE PROBLEM.
YOU GOT ANYTHING I CAN GIVE THE LADY TO, UH-- - [ Laughs .]
- OH.
[ Laughs .]
- THESE WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY AND, UH-- - OH, NO, NO, NO.
- NO.
SHE'S MY WIFE.
- OH.
JUST SOMETHING TO MAKE HER SLEEP.
SEE, I GOT PLANS WITH, UH, SOMETHING ELSE A LITTLE LATER.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
[ Chuckles .]
GRACIAS, AMIGO.
MUCHAS GRACIAS.
[ "Mexican Hat Dance" .]
[ Shouting .]
[ Men Shouting .]
[ Shouting In Spanish .]
HEY! HEY! OLÃ! [ Stops .]
[ Cheering .]
KAY, I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE YOUR STYLE.
[ Sighs .]
HONEY, YOU AIN' SEEN NOTHIN' YET.
[ Clears Throat .]
MAYBE WE SHOULD MEE UNDER BETTER CONDITIONS.
OH, I THINK THESE ARE PERFECT RIGHT NOW.
UH-HUH.
PERHAPS WE CAN IMPROVE THE CONDITIONS BY MOVING THE PARTY UPSTAIRS.
I THINK THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA.
[ Both Laughing .]
[ Laughing .]
"STEP INTO MY PARLOR," SAID THE SPIDER.
"WITH PLEASURE," SAID THE FLY.
[ Door Slams .]
[ Glass Shatters .]
[ Bodies Thud On Floor .]
[ Rooster Crowing .]
[ Clucking .]
[ Door Closes .]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
KID DRIVES ALL NIGHT LONG WHILE YOU TWO ARE LIVING IT UP.
IS JINX HERE? YEAH, ROOM 5.
OKAY.
[ Groaning .]
WE'RE TAKING HER BACK NOW.
BUT YOU MADE A DEAL WITH KAY.
OH, NO, NO.
YOU KIDDING? ALL BETS ARE OFF.
SHE DRUGGED ME.
WELL, WHA HAPPENED TO HER? OH, I-- I DRUGGED HER.
[ Groaning .]
OH, NO.
OH! [ Knocking .]
WHO IS IT? [ Whispers .]
SAY SOMETHING IN SPANISH.
MESSAGE, SEÃORITA.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? SORRY, MY DEAR, YOUR BOND'S BEEN REVOKED.
WE'RE GOING FOR A LITTLE RIDE.
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME.
WE'RE IN MEXICO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
COME ON.
YOU BROKE YOUR WORD TO THE COURTS IN L.
A.
, SO IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN DO.
UH-OH.
COLT, IT'S JUS LIKE THAT PICTURE.
- THAT'S RIGHT, SUNDANCE.
- LISTOS.
- [ Guns Cocking .]
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - "READY.
" - ¡APUNTEN! IS THAT "AIM"? YOU'RE GETTIN' REAL GOOD WITH LANGUAGES, KID.
HOPE THEY DON'T REMEMBER HOW THE MOVIE ENDED.
AH, WELL.
WHAT HAVE WE HERE? NOW CAN WE TALK? AS LONG AS YOU WANT.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD STOP YOU.
HOW DID YOU MANAGE THIS? GRAFT AND CORRUPTION? CHARM AND COURTESY.
CHARM AND COURTESY.
AND THE PROMISE OF A FEW NEW UNIFORMS AS PART OF THE REWARD.
NOW DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE ON MY MIND? [ Sighs .]
SHOOT.
UH, NOT YOU, FELLAS! GO AHEAD.
WE HAVE TO STOP FIGHTING IF EITHER OF US ARE GONNA GET ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.
NOW, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET JINX OUT OF MEXICO WITHOUT MY COOPERATION, AND THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GE THOSE JEWELS WITHOUT YOURS.
NOW YOUR PROBLEM IS $50,000 IN BAIL.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL COVER IT.
AND TO SWEETEN THE POT, I'LL THROW IN ANOTHER $25,000 IN REWARD MONEY IF YOU HELP ME.
IT'S A NO-LOSE SITUATION, COLT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? THAT SOUNDS GOOD, EXCEP FOR ONE SMALL DETAIL-- INTEGRITY.
NOW I WAS HIRED FOR THIS JOB-- UH, COLT.
- WHAT? - COULD WE TALK FOR A SECOND BEFORE YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND? WHAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE A MISTAKE, AND IT MIGHT BE OUR LAST.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRETENDING TO GO ALONG WITH KAY'S PROPOSITION? WHATEVER HAPPENS, BIG JACK GETS HER $50,000.
IF WE ACTUALLY FIND THE JEWELS, WE'RE GONNA END UP WITH $25,000 IN REWARD MONEY.
KID, THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY.
THEN CONSIDER THIS: IF WE FIND THE JEWELS BEFORE KAY, SHE'S GONNA END UP LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL FOOL.
NOW YOU'RE GETTING TO ME.
THERE'S ONE MORE THING TO CONSIDER.
WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THE WORD FOR "FIRE"? OKAY.
THANK YOU, CAPITÃN.
[ Spanish .]
VÃMONOS, MUCHACHOS.
FINE! EVERYTHING'S WONDERFUL-- EXCEPT FOR ONE THING: ME! OH, FOR YOU IT'S REAL SIMPLE, JINX.
WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER YOU IS JAIL OR FREEDOM, FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
NOT MUCH OF A CHOICE.
SO WHEN DO THEY ARRIVE? THEY DON'T.
THIS WAS A DECOY.
- WHAT? - IT'S A SMALL TOWN.
THEY FIGURED I WOULDN' HAVE ANY TROUBLE TELLING IF I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.
[ Laughs .]
VERY SMART.
SO, WHERE IS THE REAL RENDEZVOUS? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A PLACE CALLED LAS HADAS? THE MOST EXPENSIVE RESOR IN MEXICO? ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
IF IT'LL HELP CATCH THESE GUYS, MY COMPANY WILL FOOT THE BILL.
OH, YEAH! YAHOO.
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL, WE MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT.
COME ON.
[ Calypso .]
[ Man .]
SITTIN' ON THIS BARSTOOL THE SUN HIGH ABOVE MAKIN' FRIENDS WITH THE LOCALS HOW I MISS MY LOVE THE SMELL OF SWEET-- IT COMES IN BLUE, YELLOW AND AQUA.
I'LL TAKE I IN BLUE AND YELLOW.
OH, AQUA IS YOU.
I'LL TAKE IT IN AQUA-- AND BLUE AND YELLOW.
JINX, THAT'S THE FIFTH DRESS YOU BOUGHT TODAY.
- YOU TOLD ME TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE PARTNERS.
SPEAKING OF DUDS, WHERE'D YOU GET THESE FANCY THINGS? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING BUT COWBOY CLOTHES.
OH, I CHARGED 'EM-- TO YOU.
OH.
[ Scoffs .]
WHAT AM I, NEIMAN MARCUS? YOU WOULDN'T WANT US TO STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD.
[ Scoffs .]
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE GOTTA BLEND IN TO DO A GOOD JOB FOR YA.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THANKS, JINX.
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT THOSE TWO MEN HAVE BEEN WATCHING US.
- JINX'S FRIENDS? - WHERE? YOU TWO WAIT HERE.
COME ON, KID.
[ Mariachi .]
EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE THE MANAGER, RIGHT? I AM THE ASSISTANT MANAGER AT YOUR SERVICE.
THE TWO MEN BY THE FOUNTAIN LOOK LIKE OLD FRIENDS.
DO YOU KNOW THEM? I DON'T KNOW THEM.
THEY AREN'T REGISTERED.
- COLT, IT'S THEM.
- WE BETTER GET JINX.
WHERE'S JINX? IN THE POWDER ROOM.
AT A TIME LIKE THIS? WELL, THEY COULD BE MEETING SOMEPLACE.
COME ON, KID.
WE COULD'VE LOST ALL THREE OF THEM.
WAIT.
I SAW HER GO INTO THE LADIES' ROOM! BUENOS DÃAS.
MUCHO GUSTO.
WHAT DID THOSE TWO MEN WANT? WHO ARE THEY? I'M SORRY.
-I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DISCUSS HOTEL GUESTS WITH ANYONE.
-I THINK WE CAN CONVINCE YOU TO.
I LOVE YOU.
OKAY, BYE.
SEE YA BACK AT THE TABLE.
LIKE I SAID, THE LADIES' ROOM.
[ Colt .]
AH, YOU SURE ARE A GOOD DANCER.
THANKS.
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME I HAD THE BEST DANCING LEGS SINCE CYD CHARISSE.
WELL, YOU SAW 'EM, DIDN'T YOU? UH, YEAH, UH-- HOW'D YOU GE INTO THIS MESS ANYWAY? LOVE.
NEVER WAS VERY LUCKY AT IT.
THAT'S HOW I GOT MY NAME.
WELL, IF YOU'RE THAT MUCH IN LOVE, WON'T IT BE HARD TO TURN HIM IN? WELL, WHY SHOULD IT BE? KAY PROMISED SHE'D GET US ALL OFF.
OH, YOU BELIEVE HER? YEAH.
SURE I BELIEVE HER.
SHE SAYS INSURANCE COMPANIES ALWAYS MAKE DEALS.
[ Howie .]
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU, COLT? WHAT ALWAYS DOES: BULL.
WHOSE, KAY OR JINX? BETWEEN THEM, THEY THROW MORE SCREWBALLS THAN VALENZUELA.
THAT BUS SCHEDULE STAYS IN MY MIND.
JINX UNDERLINED ONE PLACE, COLIMA.
YEAH, BU SHE BROUGHT US HERE.
COLT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I SAW 'EM.
KEEP WALKING.
[ All Grunting .]
I THINK YOU TWO ARE PRETTY MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS NOW.
NO, SEÃOR, I THINK YOU TWO ARE PRETTY MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS, - 'CAUSE YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
- [ Howie .]
COLT.
[ Colt .]
OH, NO.
FEDERAL POLICE? WHEW! $500 APIECE FOR ATTACKING FEDERAL OFFICERS GUARDING THEIR PRESIDENT-- WONDERFUL.
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
WE LOOKED AS SUSPICIOUS TO THEM AS THEY LOOKED TO US.
YOU GOTTA LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.
HOWIE, KAY GOT US INTO THIS STUPID STAKEOUT.
SO, WHAT'S OUR NEXT MOVE? REVENGE.
THAT'S A PETTY MOTIVE, COLT.
SO WHAT? WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT MAKES SENSE.
YOU KNOW, IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP.
WHAT? WELL, THAT BUS SCHEDULE, THE UNDERLINED TOWN-- THIS WHOLE CIRCUS.
[ Rings .]
HOLA.
UH, THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
REMEMBER ME? OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU, SEÃOR COLT.
HOW DID THE STUFF I GAVE YOU WORK? OH, BELIEVE ME, IT WAS A KNOCKOUT.
LOOK, I'M EXPECTING A COUPLE OF FRIENDS TO SHOW UP THERE.
UH, WHAT ARE THE NAMES? WELL, THEY'RE AMERICANS.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANY STRANGERS AROUND? UH, THERE WERE TWO GRINGOS WHO ARRIVED IN TOWN THIS MORNING.
- YEAH? - THEY ACTED LIKE THEY WERE WAITING FOR SOMEBODY.
- YEAH.
WELL, THANKS.
- SHOULD I TELL THEM THAT YOU CALLED? - NO, NO.
I WANNA SURPRISE 'EM.
- OH, OKAY.
ADIÃS.
THEY'RE THERE.
DO WE GRAB JINX AND RUN? NO, KAY COULD STOP US AGAIN.
WE WANT TO STOP HER FOR GOOD.
[ Loud Banging .]
[ Colt .]
PLEASE HELP ME.
HE'S KILLING ME.
OH, NOT THERE! DON'T HIT ME THERE! [ Crashing .]
I'M A BLEEDER! NO, DON'T! [ Groaning .]
WHAT HAPPENED? [ Groans .]
OH, AMIGO.
[ Groaning .]
I CAME TO MEXICO TO GET AWAY FROM VIOLENCE.
FIRST, SHE ENTICED ME INTO HER HOTEL ROOM AND THEN I WAS THROWN OFF THE BALCONY.
MADRE DE DIOS.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHO? WHO DID THIS TO YOU? HER BOYFRIEND.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? SHE'S PICKING ON SOME OTHER POOR GUY.
THAT'S HER, OFFICER.
THAT'S HER RIGHT THERE.
WE MADE A DEAL.
I GAVE HER 100 PESOS.
WELL, THAT'S ALMOS THREE DOLLARS AMERICAN, AND THEN SHE STOLE MY WALLET.
- YOU ARE CRAZY.
- THANK GOODNESS YOU WERE HERE, OFFICER.
A WOMAN LIKE YOU SHOULD STAY ON THE STREETS WHERE YOU BELONG, NOT IN A FINE HOTEL LIKE THIS ONE IS.
WELL, I SURE HOPE SHE DIDN'T TAKE MY WALLET.
IT'S GONE! - HOWIE! HOWIE! - YOURS TOO? HEY, THAT'S MINE.
AND HERE'S MINE! [ Shouts .]
OKAY.
OKAY, LADY.
COME WITH ME.
[ Stammers .]
YOU LET-- YOU LET GO OF ME.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS! [ Grunts .]
OW! [ Laughs .]
IT WORKED.
SORRY.
HE IS NOT HURT! HE HAS TRICKED YOU! SEÃORITA, I HAVE BEEN WITH THE POLICE 15 YEARS.
NO ONE FOOLS ME.
WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN FOOLED.
HE'S A STUNTMAN! SO WHAT? WHAT IS THAT? THAT MEANS HE KNOWS HOW TO FALL DOWN.
THAT MEANS THAT HE FELL OFF THAT BALCONY ON PURPOSE! OH.
OH! [ Shudders .]
[ Colt .]
SO YOU WERE DOUBLE-CROSSING KAY AND ME.
NO.
JUST YOU.
[ Sighs .]
WHY DID YOU GO INTO ROBBERY IN THE FIRST PLACE? I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS DUMB, OKAY? WHAT MADE YOU SMART? A GIRL CAN CHANGE HER MIND.
OFTEN.
COLT, ARE YOU SURE YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAD FOR THE BORDER? KID, WE'RE GONNA GIVE TRUE LOVE ONE MORE CHANCE.
YOU SURE HE'S IN THERE? MM-HMM.
IT'S THAT ROOM AT THE TOP.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
I-I GOTTA DO IT ALONE.
TH-THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE'LL BELIEVE WHAT I TELL HIM.
- THAT COULD BE PRETTY DANGEROUS.
- BILLY WOULD NEVER HURT ME.
ALL RIGHT.
MAKE SURE HE KNOWS YOU GOT COMPANY.
OKAY.
YOU THINK SHE'S PLAYING ANOTHER TRICK? NO.
THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK SO WORRIED? [ Sighs .]
I JUST HOPE HE LIKES HER MORE THAN HE DOES THE JEWELS.
[ Knocking .]
YEAH, WHO IS IT? IT'S ME, JINX.
SWEETIE.
OH, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
ME TOO.
HEY, SWEETHEART.
HEY.
LISTEN, WHOSE TRUCK WAS THAT YOU CAME IN? OH, JUST SOME FRIENDS I MET.
THEY STILL THERE? - YEP.
- WHY ARE THOSE GUYS HANGING AROUND HERE? UH, BILLY, LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH TO GET THOSE JEWELS, BUT I-I'VE HAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT AND WE-WE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY? HEY, BABY, WE'RE FREE AND CLEAR.
I MEAN, THAT'S THREE MILLION DOLLARS AND YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL? LOOK, I-I TOLD YOU I MADE US A DEAL.
WE GIVE BACK THE JEWELS AND-AND THEY LET US ALL GO FREE.
BILLY, WE-WE DON'T HAVE A CHANCE OTHERWISE.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING WE WANTED-- THE HOUSE, SOME KIDS-- ALL OF IT.
PLEASE, BILLY.
HEY, WAKE UP.
ALL HE WANTS ARE THOSE JEWELS.
WELL, WHY DID YOU WANT ME TO COME HERE THEN? WE HAD TO SEE YOU ONE LAS TIME.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN IDENTIFY US.
[ Cars Approaching .]
ENOUGH.
OH, HEY, THERE MUST BE AT LEAS 20 COPS OUT THERE.
- [ Men Shouting In Spanish .]
- YOU DOUBLE-CROSSED US.
NO, I DIDN'T! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Helicopter Whirring Overhead .]
VERY NICE, CHIEF.
THANK YOU.
[ Spanish .]
ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY.
YOU'VE HAD IT.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
- I SEE YOU BROUGH YOUR OLD GANG ALONG.
- NOTHIN' IS GONNA STOP ME FROM RECOVERING THOSE JEWELS.
- HOW MANY JEWELS DO YOU FIGURE A LIFE IS WORTH? - STOW THE SENTIMENT.
OKAY, YOU'RE SURROUNDED AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
NOW COME DOWN WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
[ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Gunshots .]
WE BETTER DO SOMETHING BEFORE SHE GETS THA GIRL KILLED.
YOU GET IN THE FRONT.
[ Gunshots .]
[ Jinx .]
THEY'RE GONNA KILL US! [ Man .]
NO, THEY WON'T.
SHE MADE A DEAL.
THEY WON'T HURT HER.
- WE'LL USE HER AS A HOSTAGE.
- [ Kay .]
GIVE YOURSELVES UP NOW.
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO.
I'M SORRY, BABY.
JUST GET ME UP TO THE WINDOW AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN.
I'LL GO FOR IT.
- WHAT IF MY TIMING'S OFF? - WELL, THERE WON'T BE A SECOND TAKE, KID.
LET'S GO.
HOLD YOUR FIRE! HOLD YOUR FIRE! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
- YOU MAKE A MOVE AND SHE GETS IT.
- TRUE LOVE, HUH? - I DID IT AGAIN.
- WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO.
IF YOU WANT TO KICK HIM, I'LL UNDERSTAND.
THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY! COLT, DID YOU GET THE JEWELS? YEAH.
HERE, CATCH.
[ Laughing .]
I ALWAYS END UP THIS WAY.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU STAR IN THE WRONG PLACE.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ME? - SEND YOU BACK TO MY FAVORITE BARRACUDA.
ME TOO? NO, YOU'RE GOING TO GO WITH ME.
JAIL? WELL, THEY'LL GO EASY ON YOU WHEN THEY-- WHEN I TELL THEM HOW YOU HELPED RECOVER THE JEWELS.
WHAT A JERK I AM! ACTUALLY, I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY TERRIFIC.
AND IF YOU STAR BELIEVING IT YOURSELF, THEN THEY'LL STAR CALLING YOU "LUCKY.
" [ Laughs .]
BIG JACK, YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.
I'M PUTTIN' UP THE COLLATERAL.
JUST GET HER OU ON BAIL RIGHT AWAY.
NO, NO, NO! NOT THE MEN, JUST JINX! YEAH.
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
GOOD-BYE.
[ Ringing .]
YEAH.
UH, YEAH.
OH.
UH, YEAH.
HOLD ON.
IT'S YOUR BOSS.
SOUNDS HAPPY.
SO HE SHOULD BE.
WE GOT ALL THE JEWELS BACK AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL.
WELL, I DON'T LIKE DEALS.
I THINK A PERSON DOES SOMETHING WRONG, THEY SHOULD GO TO JAIL.
OH, DON'T BE SO SIMPLISTIC, COLT.
YES, THIS IS KAY.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
OH, PLEASE.
THERE'S NO NEED TO OVERDO THE PRAISE.
YES, IT WAS A SUPERLATIVE JOB, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I WILL SEE YOU FIRS THING MONDAY MORNING WITH A REPORT IN HAND.
I ORDERED ALL THE GEAR FOR TOMORROW'S GAG, COLT.
AH, GOOD.
GOOD.
COLT, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE HEARING THIS, BUT YOU HAVE MADE ME A HERO.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DON'T THINK THIS GLASS WAS QUITE THIS FULL BEFORE.
UH, WELL, I POURED SOME MORE IN FOR YA.
[ Chuckles .]
UM, HOWIE, WOULD YOU MIND GETTING US A COUPLE OF FRESH GLASSES, PLEASE? UH, HOWIE, UH-- GET US ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, HUH? - WELL, THIS ONE'S ALMOST FULL.
- WELL, IT'S A TRADITION OF OURS.
- YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
- HAD TO BE THERE.
[ Laughing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
OKAY, WE'RE ROLLING.
COME ON, COLT.
[ Colt .]
THIS PARTICULAR DAY, I WAS DOIN' A JUMP THA I SAID COULDN'T BE DONE-- AND I WAS RIGHT.
COLT, YOU CHICKENED OUT.
AFRAID TO TAKE THE CHANCE? GOT NOTHIN' TO DO WITH CHANCE.
IT'S A SURE THING NO WAY THAT GAG CAN BE DONE.
OH, YEAH? JASON HERE SAYS IT CAN.
YEAH? YOU KNOW HE'S GO A PIN IN HIS HIP.
YEAH, FROM ANOTHER GAG HE WAS SURE OF.
I'LL DO IT.
NO, YOU WON'T.
I WILL.
WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF IDIOTS? I TOLD YOU BEFORE THERE'S NO WAY TO MAKE THAT JUMP IN THAT CAR WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF.
I KNOW I CAN.
I SHOULD HAVE FIRST CRACK AT IT.
THIS IS YOUR DEPARTMENT.
I DON'T CARE WHO DOES IT, AS LONG AS IT GETS DONE.
ALL RIGHT.
WE'VE LOS THE SUN FOR TODAY.
WE'LL GO WITH IT FIRST THING IN THE MORNING.
I'LL BE READY.
YOU OWE IT TO ME, COLT.
WHY? YOU NEVER DID ANYTHING THAT BAD TO ME.
MAY I HELP YOU, MISS? OH, I HOPE SO.
I NEED SOME VERY SPECIAL JEWELRY.
SOMETHING TO GO WITH THE COAT? THAT WOULD BE ON THE SECOND FLOOR.
OH, NO.
TO GO WITH THIS.
YOU SEE, THEY WANT ME FOR ANOTHER CENTERFOLD SHOWING EVERYTHING-- WELL, ALMOST EVERYTHING.
THE ALMOST NEEDS TO BE COVERED WITH THE EXPENSIVE JEWELS.
YOU GET IT? ALL THAT GLITTERS-- [ Giggles .]
[ Alarm Ringing .]
[ Siren Wailing .]
MISS HOLIDAY? YES? SAMANTHA JACK.
HI.
YOUR BAIL HAS BEEN PAID.
NOW OFF YOU GO.
FREE AS A BIRD.
JUST AS LONG AS YOU DON' TRY AND FLY AWAY.
I TOLD YOU I WAS INNOCENT.
LOOK, SWEETIE, DOESN'T MATTER ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.
I'VE SEEN THE GUILTY STAY AND FIGHT IT OUT IN COURT, AND I'VE SEEN THE INNOCENT PANIC AND RUN.
YOU NEVER KNOW.
YEAH.
WELL, THANKS.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
HI, KAY.
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
JUST DOING MY JOB.
AS WELL YOU SHOULD, BIG JACK.
I THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY INSURED THE JEWELS.
OH, THEY DID.
BUT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE MONEY MY COMPANY MIGHT LOSE, THE DEMOCRATIC PROCESS MUST BE SERVED.
THAT WOMAN IS INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
SHE HAS THE RIGH TO BE FREE ON BAIL.
HELLO.
ARE YOU THE KAY FAULKNER THAT I KNOW? AS I LIVE AND BREATHE.
I THOUGHT YOUR COMPANY WOULD BE STUCK FOR THREE MILLION DOLLARS.
THEY MIGHT BE.
BUT I HAVE SEEN YOU FIGH LIKE A BARRACUDA OVER A $1,000 RECOVERY.
WHY ARE YOU SO CALM? OH, I'VE BEEN READING A LOT ABOUT BLOOD PRESSURE.
IT'S DEVASTATING STUFF.
OH.
WATCH YOURSELF, BIG JACK.
WE'RE READY AT THIS END, COLT.
HOW ARE YOU? [ Colt On Radio .]
ALL SET DOWN HERE.
ALL RIGHT THEN.
LET'S DO IT.
OKAY, GUYS, MAKE IT HAPPEN.
[ Man .]
ROLLING! VERY QUIET, PLEASE.
[ Man #2 .]
TAKE! COLT'S NOT TRYING THAT GAG, IS HE? YEAH, HE'S SETTING UP FOR IT RIGHT NOW.
BUT HE SAID I WAS IMPOSSIBLE.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT, COLT.
[ Man .]
HERE HE COMES, DOUG.
THAT'S SUICIDE.
YOU GOTTA STOP HIM! HE'LL MAKE IT.
HE'LL MAKE IT.
[ Jody Screaming .]
COLT! OH, MY GOD.
JODY, I'M SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
YEAH, A WHOLE LOT OF GOOD IT'S GONNA DO HIM NOW! YEAH, IT WILL.
A MAN ALWAYS LEARNS FROM EXPERIENCE.
- IT CAN'T BE YOU.
- JODY, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU, - THERE ARE NO GHOSTS? - WHO'S IN THE CAR? REMOTE CONTROL.
WE RIGGED IT LAST NIGHT.
COLT, YOU HAD NO RIGH TO DO THAT TO US! WELL, CONSIDER MY ALTERNATIVE.
EITHER ONE OF THESE KIDS OR ME DOWN THERE WITH THAT CAR.
OH, GREAT.
NOW EVEN IF I WANTED TO DO THE GAG YOUR WAY, THERE'S NO CAR TO DO IT WITH.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT NOW YOU MIGHT CONSIDER DOING IT WHERE I WANTED TO DO IT TO BEGIN WITH? YEAH.
WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? - WELL, I GOT A BACKUP CAR RIGHT BEHIND THE HILL.
- YOU DO? ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY.
WE'VE GOT A PICTURE TO MAKE.
WE'RE ON THE MOVE.
YOU KNOW, EVEN DOING I YOUR WAY OVER THERE, IT'S STILL DANGEROUS.
WELL, DANGER I CAN HANDLE.
IT'S THE MYSTERY BEYOND I'M NOT READY FOR.
[ Colt .]
PRETTY NEAT CRASH, HUH? [ Howie .]
YEAH.
COLT! COLT! COLT! HOW WAS THAT? [ Woman .]
TE AMO.
I LOVE YOU TOO, BABY.
[ Howie .]
AND WHAT ABOUT ME? [ Woman .]
OH, ERES MARAVILLOSO.
[ Howie .]
THANKS.
SO ARE YOU.
[ Colt .]
YOU LIKE US BOTH? [ Woman .]
SÃ, CON TODO MI CORAZÃN.
BIG JACK.
COME ON IN.
OH! NO, THANKS.
I UNDERSTAND SPANISH.
AH, WE'RE JUST GETTING SE FOR OUR PICTURE IN SPAIN.
OH! [ Laughs .]
I'M REALLY GLAD TO HEAR THAT.
COLT, I NEED YOU TO GO DOWN AND REVOKE A BOND FOR ME.
YEAH, WHOSE? OH, THIS GIRL THAT WAS INVOLVED IN THE JEWEL ROBBERY.
YEAH, I HEARD ABOUT THAT.
WELL, WHEN I BAILED HER OUT, KAY FAULKNER WAS THERE.
SO? HER COMPANY IS PROBABLY THE INSURERS.
THAT'S RIGHT, BUT KAY WAS FOR ME BAILING THIS GIRL OUT.
YOU FIGURE KAY WANTS HER TO RUN SO SHE'LL LEAD HER TO THE JEWELS? - YOU CAN BET ON IT.
- HOW SURE ARE YOU THAT THIS GIRL WAS PART OF THE JOB? HAVE THEY MADE A POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION? ABSOLUTELY.
AND ONE THAT I THINK THAT YOU'LL APPRECIATE.
THIS IS A VIDEOCASSETTE THA WAS TAKEN AT THE ACTUAL ROBBERY.
HMM.
AND AFTER YOU SEE IT, I DON'T THINK THERE'LL BE ANY DOUBT IN YOUR MIND AS TO HER IDENTIFICATION.
AN ESTIMATED THREE MILLION DOLLARS' WORTH OF PRECIOUS STONES AND JEWELS WERE TAKEN.
THE ONLY POSITIVE IDENTIFICATION WAS A WOMAN WHO WAS TAPED BY THE STORE'S SECURITY CAMERA.
WEARING ONLY A BIKINI UNDER HER MINK COAT, SHE DISTRACTED THE GUARD FROM NOTICING HER TWO ALLEGED COMPANIONS.
- WOW.
- WHERE DID SHE HIDE THE JEWELS? SHE DIDN'T.
TWO FRIENDS HELPED HER.
AND NOW, COLT, I NEED YOUR HELP.
WHEN ASKED WHY THE ALLEGED FEMALE ACCOMPLICE PROVED TO BE SUCH AN EFFECTIVE DISTRACTION-- HOWIE! HOWIE, YOU'RE DROOLING ON MY CARPET.
IN A MINUTE, COLT.
SO CHILDISH.
YEAH.
YOU SHOULD SEE HIM WATCHING SESAME STREET.
[ Laughs .]
I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU.
UH-HUH.
I HAVE MY TICKET.
I'M ALL SET.
OKAY, I WILL.
BYE, SWEETHEART.
[ Kisses .]
BYE.
KID, LEAVE THE MOTOR RUNNING.
THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
COLT SEAVERS.
COLT! COLT! AH-AH-AH-AH! [ Stammers .]
NO.
HELLO, COLT.
YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN.
OH, WELL.
THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.
I GOT A HUNCH HISTORY IS ABOU TO REPEAT ITSELF.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M GONNA REVOKE HER BOND.
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
WATCH ME.
COLT, THAT MEANS SHE'S GONNA GO BACK TO JAIL.
THAT'S THE IDEA.
COLT, SHE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN LEAD ME TO THOSE JEWELS.
AND THAT COULD COS BIG JACK $50,000.
AND THAT COULD COST MY COMPANY THREE MILLION DOLLARS.
I THINK THAT'S JUS A LITTLE BIT MORE IMPORTANT.
I GUESS IT DEPENDS ON WHOSE MONEY'S GETTIN' LOST.
OKAY.
OKAY.
- IF HE WANTS TO PLAY-- - KEEP AN EYE ON HER, WILL YA? SHE WON'T GIVE ME ANY TROUBLE.
YEAH, WELL, SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.
YEAH, SO AM I.
[ Ringing .]
HELLO.
JINX, THIS IS KAY FAULKNER FROM THE INSURANCE COMPANY.
WE TALKED WHILE YOU WERE IN JAIL.
[ Knocking .]
WAIT.
COULD YOU HOLD ON A SEC? SOMEONE'S AT THE FRONT DOOR.
DON'T ANSWER THAT DOOR.
HE'S THERE TO REVOKE YOUR BOND.
YOU'RE GOING BACK TO JAIL UNLESS YOU DO EVERYTHING I TELL YOU TO DO.
GO OUT THE BACK DOOR, RIGHT NOW.
I'LL PICK YOU UP.
NOW, MOVE! WHAT'S THE HURRY, KAY? HOWIE! HOWIE.
HOWIE.
HOWIE, GIVE ME THOSE KEYS.
JUST AS SOON AS COLT COMES BACK.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO WITH YOU? YOU GUYS CAUSE ME MORE TROUBLE-- - HEY! - [ Horn Honking .]
[ Tires Screeching .]
[ Colt .]
HEY, THAT'S MY TRUCK.
THEY'RE TAKING MY TRUCK! - KID, HOLD IT! - [ Tires Screech .]
SLIDE OVER, KID.
WHAT'S SHE DOIN' WITH MY TRUCK? YOU WERE RIGHT.
SHE'S SMARTER THAN SHE LOOKS.
OH, NO.
HE'S GOT MY CAR.
YOU MEAN, THIS ISN'T YOUR TRUCK? DO I LOOK LIKE THE TYPE OF PERSON WHO DRIVES A TRUCK? YOU NEVER KNOW.
[ Jinx .]
WATCH OUT! - MY TRUCK.
- [ Tires Squeal .]
WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOIN'! I'LL KILL HER.
SHE PUTS ONE DENT IN THE FENDER OF MY TRUCK, I'M GONNA DRIVE THIS THROUGH A WALL! [ Sighs .]
GEEZ.
THAT WAS CLOSE.
DUMB LUCK.
SHE COULDN' DO THAT AGAIN IN A MILLION YEARS.
I DON'T KNOW, COLT.
I THINK SHE'S A PRETTY GOOD DRIVER.
OH, NO, YOU DON'T.
NOW, COLT! DO IT, COLT! SHE'S BLUFFING.
SO AM I.
- [ Horn Honking .]
- [ Jinx .]
YOU'RE GONNA HIT HIM! - [ Screams .]
- COLT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, SEAVERS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS CAR IS WORTH? [ Colt .]
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I STILL OWE ON THIS TRUCK? AND DO YOU KNOW THA JINX IS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET AND GETTING AWAY? [ Rock .]
THERE'S A MAN OUT THERE CHASING ME! I THINK HE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! HE RIPPED OFF MY DRESS! LOOK! PLEASE, SIR, HELP ME.
[ Continues .]
I SHOULD HAVE LET YOU ROT IN THERE.
BOY, DO I OWE HER ONE.
BOY, DO YOU OWE ME 50,000 BIG ONES.
AM I FREE? YES.
GOOD.
I NEED THE REST.
COLT, YOU BLEW I AND NOW SHE'S RUN OFF.
YOU WANT ME TO RUN AFTER HER? WELL, IT'S ONLY FAIR.
SINCE WHEN DID "FAIR" ENTER OUR RELATIONSHIP? IT'S KAY.
SHE BEAT US HERE.
YEAH.
YOU'RE GETTIN' FAST, KID.
GEEZ! [ Door Closes .]
[ Footsteps Approaching .]
[ Clears Throat .]
HI, COLT.
WELL, I'M SO GLAD TO SEE THAT YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
OH, YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD PERSON.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? SAME THING YOU ARE.
TRYING TO FIGURE OU WHERE SHE WENT.
ANY LUCK? NO.
- MAYBE I COULD HELP YOU.
- OH, YEAH? HOW? BY SEEING WHAT YOU HID.
[ Chuckles .]
I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
WELL-- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? YOU WOULDN'T DARE.
I ALWAYS LIKED MIXING BUSINESS WITH PLEASURE.
ALL RIGHT-- ALL RIGHT! YOU WIN.
I'LL TELL YOU WHERE SHE WENT.
UH-UH-UH.
SHOW ME.
ALL RIGHT.
FIRS I WANT TO MAKE A DEAL.
THAT DEPENDS ON WHO'S SHUFFLING.
WE CAN BE AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS AND BOTH LOSE OUT, OR WE CAN WORK TOGETHER AND GET WHAT WE'RE AFTER.
WE'RE AFTER TWO DIFFERENT THINGS-- YOU WANT HER OUT OF JAIL.
I WANT HER IN.
I AM SURE THAT SHE'S ON HER WAY TO MEE HER PALS WITH THE JEWELS.
IT'S REAL SIMPLE, COLT.
I GET THE JEWELS, AND LIKE ALL GOOD HEROES, YOU GET THE GIRL.
MAKES SENSE.
- NO, IT DOESN'T.
- WHY NOT? - BECAUSE IT'S YOUR IDEA.
- [ Sighs .]
KID.
IT MAKES SENSE.
A BUS SCHEDULE FROM TIJUANA.
NOW, IT'S REAL OBVIOUS THAT JINX IS ON HER WAY DOWN THERE AND SHE'S LEAVING FROM THERE FOR THAT PLACE THAT'S UNDERLINED, "COLIMA.
" AHA.
I THINK I GOT IT.
WE CAN ONLY GUESS WHERE SHE'S GOING AND HOW SHE'S GONNA GET THERE.
SO WE GOTTA COVER ALL THE BASES.
KAY AND I WILL FLY DOWN TO MEXICO.
- KID, YOU DRIVE THE TRUCK DOWN.
- I HAVE TO DRIVE ALL THAT WAY? FIRST, SEE IF YOU CAN GET ON HER TRAIL, IN CASE SHE DID TAKE THE BUS.
-SECOND, WE'LL NEED THE TRUCK TO BRING HER BACK.
-EXTRADITION COULD TAKE FOREVER.
YEAH.
WITH THOSE JEWELS, BRIBERY ISN' OUT OF THE QUESTION.
THAT'S RIGHT.
SO, IT SOUNDS GOOD ENOUGH, AND I'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
I'M SURE YOU WILL.
HOW CAN YOU TRUST HER? [ Scoffs .]
WELL, I REALLY DON'T.
WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT ARE YOU INTO, BONDAGE? NO.
DISCIPLINE.
OF ALL THE LOW-DOWN DIRTY TRICKS.
I HAD A GOOD TEACHER, KAY.
WE'LL BE IN COLIMA.
CALL ME AT THE HOTEL, KID.
WHICH HOTEL? THERE'S ONLY ONE.
I DID A PICTURE THERE ONCE.
WITHOUT ME? KID, THIS MAY COME AS A SHOCK TO YOU, BUT I DID HAVE A LIFE BEFORE YOU.
[ Dog Barking .]
GRACIAS.
PAY THE MAN, SEAVERS.
HA! I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
ME, HAVING A GOOD TIME WITH COLT SEAVERS.
[ Laughs .]
HIGHWAY ROBBERY.
COME ON.
[ Mariachi .]
KAY, YOU REALLY MUST'VE BEEN SOMETHING BEFORE INSURANCE THINNED OUT YOUR BLOOD.
OH, I THINK IT'S STARTING TO THICKEN UP TONIGHT.
- [ Stops .]
- [ Gasps .]
OH, COLT, DON'T LET 'EM STOP! HEY, AMIGOS! UH, SOME MORE NICE MUSIC, HUH? YOU REALLY ARE ROMANTIC, AREN'T YOU? AH, JUST A TOUCH OF CLASS.
- [ "Mexican Hat Dance" .]
- [ Laughs .]
[ Phone Ringing .]
OH, COLT, I LOVE YOUR ROMANTIC SONGS.
I GUESS THEY KNOW ME.
YEAH.
UH, SÃ.
UH, UN-UN MOMENTO.
- UH, SEÃOR.
- [ Laughing .]
[ Stops .]
SEÃOR! - IS YOUR NAME COLT? - SÃ.
TELEPHONE.
AH, GRACIAS, AMIGO.
WHO'D BE CALLING ME AT THIS HOUR? WELL.
- YES? - COLT, IT'S ME.
WHERE ARE YOU? UH, A COUPLE HOURS AWAY.
HOW'S IT GOIN' BETWEEN YOU TWO? LIKE A ROMANCE BETWEEN A COBRA AND A MONGOOSE.
WELL, YOU THINK SHE'S ON THE LEVEL ABOUT COOPERATING? - SHE WOULDN'T KNOW HOW.
- HOW YOU GONNA GET HER OUT OF THE WAY SO YOU CAN GRAB JINX? I'LL FIGURE THAT OU WHEN JINX SHOWS UP.
- I'M BEGINNING TO THINK THIS IS A WILD GOOSE CHASE.
- NO, NO, NO.
I DOGGED THREE DIFFERENT BUSES, BUT I FINALLY FOUND HER.
- HEY, GOOD WORK.
- LOOK, I COULD GRAB HER RIGHT NOW - AND TAKE HER BACK ACROSS THE BORDER.
- NO, NO, NO, DON'T.
TRYING TO GET HER ACROSS THE BORDER'S PRETTY RISKY.
IF YOU GOT CAUGHT, THE MEXICAN POLICE WOULD THROW AWAY THE KEY.
- SHE'S GETTING BACK ON THE BUS.
WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? - WELL, STAY WITH HER.
LOOK, I KNOW HOW ROUGH IT IS, KID.
JUST REMEMBER, IT'S A DIRTY JOB, BU SOMEBODY'S GOTTA DO IT.
[ Sighs .]
WELL, THAT WAS THE KID.
HE'S STILL IN THE BOONDOCKS AND NO LUCK YET.
OH, POOR HOWIE.
YEAH, I'LL DRINK TO THAT.
NOT FOR VERY LONG.
AH! HEY, I CAN FIX THAT.
NO PROBLEM.
UH, I GO A LITTLE PROBLEM.
YOU GOT ANYTHING I CAN GIVE THE LADY TO, UH-- - [ Laughs .]
- OH.
[ Laughs .]
- THESE WILL DRIVE HER CRAZY AND, UH-- - OH, NO, NO, NO.
- NO.
SHE'S MY WIFE.
- OH.
JUST SOMETHING TO MAKE HER SLEEP.
SEE, I GOT PLANS WITH, UH, SOMETHING ELSE A LITTLE LATER.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
[ Chuckles .]
GRACIAS, AMIGO.
MUCHAS GRACIAS.
[ "Mexican Hat Dance" .]
[ Shouting .]
[ Men Shouting .]
[ Shouting In Spanish .]
HEY! HEY! OLÃ! [ Stops .]
[ Cheering .]
KAY, I'M BEGINNING TO LIKE YOUR STYLE.
[ Sighs .]
HONEY, YOU AIN' SEEN NOTHIN' YET.
[ Clears Throat .]
MAYBE WE SHOULD MEE UNDER BETTER CONDITIONS.
OH, I THINK THESE ARE PERFECT RIGHT NOW.
UH-HUH.
PERHAPS WE CAN IMPROVE THE CONDITIONS BY MOVING THE PARTY UPSTAIRS.
I THINK THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA.
[ Both Laughing .]
[ Laughing .]
"STEP INTO MY PARLOR," SAID THE SPIDER.
"WITH PLEASURE," SAID THE FLY.
[ Door Slams .]
[ Glass Shatters .]
[ Bodies Thud On Floor .]
[ Rooster Crowing .]
[ Clucking .]
[ Door Closes .]
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
KID DRIVES ALL NIGHT LONG WHILE YOU TWO ARE LIVING IT UP.
IS JINX HERE? YEAH, ROOM 5.
OKAY.
[ Groaning .]
WE'RE TAKING HER BACK NOW.
BUT YOU MADE A DEAL WITH KAY.
OH, NO, NO.
YOU KIDDING? ALL BETS ARE OFF.
SHE DRUGGED ME.
WELL, WHA HAPPENED TO HER? OH, I-- I DRUGGED HER.
[ Groaning .]
OH, NO.
OH! [ Knocking .]
WHO IS IT? [ Whispers .]
SAY SOMETHING IN SPANISH.
MESSAGE, SEÃORITA.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? SORRY, MY DEAR, YOUR BOND'S BEEN REVOKED.
WE'RE GOING FOR A LITTLE RIDE.
YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME.
WE'RE IN MEXICO.
THAT'S RIGHT.
COME ON.
YOU BROKE YOUR WORD TO THE COURTS IN L.
A.
, SO IT'S THE ONLY THING I CAN DO.
UH-OH.
COLT, IT'S JUS LIKE THAT PICTURE.
- THAT'S RIGHT, SUNDANCE.
- LISTOS.
- [ Guns Cocking .]
- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? - "READY.
" - ¡APUNTEN! IS THAT "AIM"? YOU'RE GETTIN' REAL GOOD WITH LANGUAGES, KID.
HOPE THEY DON'T REMEMBER HOW THE MOVIE ENDED.
AH, WELL.
WHAT HAVE WE HERE? NOW CAN WE TALK? AS LONG AS YOU WANT.
I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THAT THIS WAS THE ONLY WAY I COULD STOP YOU.
HOW DID YOU MANAGE THIS? GRAFT AND CORRUPTION? CHARM AND COURTESY.
CHARM AND COURTESY.
AND THE PROMISE OF A FEW NEW UNIFORMS AS PART OF THE REWARD.
NOW DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT I HAVE ON MY MIND? [ Sighs .]
SHOOT.
UH, NOT YOU, FELLAS! GO AHEAD.
WE HAVE TO STOP FIGHTING IF EITHER OF US ARE GONNA GET ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.
NOW, THERE IS NO WAY YOU'RE GONNA GET JINX OUT OF MEXICO WITHOUT MY COOPERATION, AND THERE'S NO WAY I CAN GE THOSE JEWELS WITHOUT YOURS.
NOW YOUR PROBLEM IS $50,000 IN BAIL.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL COVER IT.
AND TO SWEETEN THE POT, I'LL THROW IN ANOTHER $25,000 IN REWARD MONEY IF YOU HELP ME.
IT'S A NO-LOSE SITUATION, COLT.
WHAT DO YOU SAY? THAT SOUNDS GOOD, EXCEP FOR ONE SMALL DETAIL-- INTEGRITY.
NOW I WAS HIRED FOR THIS JOB-- UH, COLT.
- WHAT? - COULD WE TALK FOR A SECOND BEFORE YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND? WHAT? YOU'RE ABOUT TO MAKE A MISTAKE, AND IT MIGHT BE OUR LAST.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH PRETENDING TO GO ALONG WITH KAY'S PROPOSITION? WHATEVER HAPPENS, BIG JACK GETS HER $50,000.
IF WE ACTUALLY FIND THE JEWELS, WE'RE GONNA END UP WITH $25,000 IN REWARD MONEY.
KID, THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN MONEY.
THEN CONSIDER THIS: IF WE FIND THE JEWELS BEFORE KAY, SHE'S GONNA END UP LOOKING LIKE A TOTAL FOOL.
NOW YOU'RE GETTING TO ME.
THERE'S ONE MORE THING TO CONSIDER.
WHAT'S THAT? WHAT'S THE WORD FOR "FIRE"? OKAY.
THANK YOU, CAPITÃN.
[ Spanish .]
VÃMONOS, MUCHACHOS.
FINE! EVERYTHING'S WONDERFUL-- EXCEPT FOR ONE THING: ME! OH, FOR YOU IT'S REAL SIMPLE, JINX.
WHAT I HAVE TO OFFER YOU IS JAIL OR FREEDOM, FOR YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.
NOT MUCH OF A CHOICE.
SO WHEN DO THEY ARRIVE? THEY DON'T.
THIS WAS A DECOY.
- WHAT? - IT'S A SMALL TOWN.
THEY FIGURED I WOULDN' HAVE ANY TROUBLE TELLING IF I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.
[ Laughs .]
VERY SMART.
SO, WHERE IS THE REAL RENDEZVOUS? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A PLACE CALLED LAS HADAS? THE MOST EXPENSIVE RESOR IN MEXICO? ALL RIGHT.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
IF IT'LL HELP CATCH THESE GUYS, MY COMPANY WILL FOOT THE BILL.
OH, YEAH! YAHOO.
ALL RIGHT.
IF YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL, WE MAY AS WELL ENJOY IT.
COME ON.
[ Calypso .]
[ Man .]
SITTIN' ON THIS BARSTOOL THE SUN HIGH ABOVE MAKIN' FRIENDS WITH THE LOCALS HOW I MISS MY LOVE THE SMELL OF SWEET-- IT COMES IN BLUE, YELLOW AND AQUA.
I'LL TAKE I IN BLUE AND YELLOW.
OH, AQUA IS YOU.
I'LL TAKE IT IN AQUA-- AND BLUE AND YELLOW.
JINX, THAT'S THE FIFTH DRESS YOU BOUGHT TODAY.
- YOU TOLD ME TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
WE'RE PARTNERS.
SPEAKING OF DUDS, WHERE'D YOU GET THESE FANCY THINGS? I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN ANYTHING BUT COWBOY CLOTHES.
OH, I CHARGED 'EM-- TO YOU.
OH.
[ Scoffs .]
WHAT AM I, NEIMAN MARCUS? YOU WOULDN'T WANT US TO STAND OUT FROM THE CROWD.
[ Scoffs .]
THAT'S RIGHT.
WE GOTTA BLEND IN TO DO A GOOD JOB FOR YA.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THANKS, JINX.
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT THOSE TWO MEN HAVE BEEN WATCHING US.
- JINX'S FRIENDS? - WHERE? YOU TWO WAIT HERE.
COME ON, KID.
[ Mariachi .]
EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE THE MANAGER, RIGHT? I AM THE ASSISTANT MANAGER AT YOUR SERVICE.
THE TWO MEN BY THE FOUNTAIN LOOK LIKE OLD FRIENDS.
DO YOU KNOW THEM? I DON'T KNOW THEM.
THEY AREN'T REGISTERED.
- COLT, IT'S THEM.
- WE BETTER GET JINX.
WHERE'S JINX? IN THE POWDER ROOM.
AT A TIME LIKE THIS? WELL, THEY COULD BE MEETING SOMEPLACE.
COME ON, KID.
WE COULD'VE LOST ALL THREE OF THEM.
WAIT.
I SAW HER GO INTO THE LADIES' ROOM! BUENOS DÃAS.
MUCHO GUSTO.
WHAT DID THOSE TWO MEN WANT? WHO ARE THEY? I'M SORRY.
-I'M NOT ALLOWED TO DISCUSS HOTEL GUESTS WITH ANYONE.
-I THINK WE CAN CONVINCE YOU TO.
I LOVE YOU.
OKAY, BYE.
SEE YA BACK AT THE TABLE.
LIKE I SAID, THE LADIES' ROOM.
[ Colt .]
AH, YOU SURE ARE A GOOD DANCER.
THANKS.
SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME I HAD THE BEST DANCING LEGS SINCE CYD CHARISSE.
WELL, YOU SAW 'EM, DIDN'T YOU? UH, YEAH, UH-- HOW'D YOU GE INTO THIS MESS ANYWAY? LOVE.
NEVER WAS VERY LUCKY AT IT.
THAT'S HOW I GOT MY NAME.
WELL, IF YOU'RE THAT MUCH IN LOVE, WON'T IT BE HARD TO TURN HIM IN? WELL, WHY SHOULD IT BE? KAY PROMISED SHE'D GET US ALL OFF.
OH, YOU BELIEVE HER? YEAH.
SURE I BELIEVE HER.
SHE SAYS INSURANCE COMPANIES ALWAYS MAKE DEALS.
[ Howie .]
WHAT'S BOTHERING YOU, COLT? WHAT ALWAYS DOES: BULL.
WHOSE, KAY OR JINX? BETWEEN THEM, THEY THROW MORE SCREWBALLS THAN VALENZUELA.
THAT BUS SCHEDULE STAYS IN MY MIND.
JINX UNDERLINED ONE PLACE, COLIMA.
YEAH, BU SHE BROUGHT US HERE.
COLT.
YEAH, I KNOW.
I SAW 'EM.
KEEP WALKING.
[ All Grunting .]
I THINK YOU TWO ARE PRETTY MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS NOW.
NO, SEÃOR, I THINK YOU TWO ARE PRETTY MUCH OUT OF BUSINESS, - 'CAUSE YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.
- [ Howie .]
COLT.
[ Colt .]
OH, NO.
FEDERAL POLICE? WHEW! $500 APIECE FOR ATTACKING FEDERAL OFFICERS GUARDING THEIR PRESIDENT-- WONDERFUL.
IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.
WE LOOKED AS SUSPICIOUS TO THEM AS THEY LOOKED TO US.
YOU GOTTA LOOK AT THE BIG PICTURE.
HOWIE, KAY GOT US INTO THIS STUPID STAKEOUT.
SO, WHAT'S OUR NEXT MOVE? REVENGE.
THAT'S A PETTY MOTIVE, COLT.
SO WHAT? WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY, IT MAKES SENSE.
YOU KNOW, IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP.
WHAT? WELL, THAT BUS SCHEDULE, THE UNDERLINED TOWN-- THIS WHOLE CIRCUS.
[ Rings .]
HOLA.
UH, THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
REMEMBER ME? OF COURSE I REMEMBER YOU, SEÃOR COLT.
HOW DID THE STUFF I GAVE YOU WORK? OH, BELIEVE ME, IT WAS A KNOCKOUT.
LOOK, I'M EXPECTING A COUPLE OF FRIENDS TO SHOW UP THERE.
UH, WHAT ARE THE NAMES? WELL, THEY'RE AMERICANS.
HAVE YOU SEEN ANY STRANGERS AROUND? UH, THERE WERE TWO GRINGOS WHO ARRIVED IN TOWN THIS MORNING.
- YEAH? - THEY ACTED LIKE THEY WERE WAITING FOR SOMEBODY.
- YEAH.
WELL, THANKS.
- SHOULD I TELL THEM THAT YOU CALLED? - NO, NO.
I WANNA SURPRISE 'EM.
- OH, OKAY.
ADIÃS.
THEY'RE THERE.
DO WE GRAB JINX AND RUN? NO, KAY COULD STOP US AGAIN.
WE WANT TO STOP HER FOR GOOD.
[ Loud Banging .]
[ Colt .]
PLEASE HELP ME.
HE'S KILLING ME.
OH, NOT THERE! DON'T HIT ME THERE! [ Crashing .]
I'M A BLEEDER! NO, DON'T! [ Groaning .]
WHAT HAPPENED? [ Groans .]
OH, AMIGO.
[ Groaning .]
I CAME TO MEXICO TO GET AWAY FROM VIOLENCE.
FIRST, SHE ENTICED ME INTO HER HOTEL ROOM AND THEN I WAS THROWN OFF THE BALCONY.
MADRE DE DIOS.
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
WHO? WHO DID THIS TO YOU? HER BOYFRIEND.
WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT? SHE'S PICKING ON SOME OTHER POOR GUY.
THAT'S HER, OFFICER.
THAT'S HER RIGHT THERE.
WE MADE A DEAL.
I GAVE HER 100 PESOS.
WELL, THAT'S ALMOS THREE DOLLARS AMERICAN, AND THEN SHE STOLE MY WALLET.
- YOU ARE CRAZY.
- THANK GOODNESS YOU WERE HERE, OFFICER.
A WOMAN LIKE YOU SHOULD STAY ON THE STREETS WHERE YOU BELONG, NOT IN A FINE HOTEL LIKE THIS ONE IS.
WELL, I SURE HOPE SHE DIDN'T TAKE MY WALLET.
IT'S GONE! - HOWIE! HOWIE! - YOURS TOO? HEY, THAT'S MINE.
AND HERE'S MINE! [ Shouts .]
OKAY.
OKAY, LADY.
COME WITH ME.
[ Stammers .]
YOU LET-- YOU LET GO OF ME.
YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THIS! [ Grunts .]
OW! [ Laughs .]
IT WORKED.
SORRY.
HE IS NOT HURT! HE HAS TRICKED YOU! SEÃORITA, I HAVE BEEN WITH THE POLICE 15 YEARS.
NO ONE FOOLS ME.
WELL, YOU HAVE BEEN FOOLED.
HE'S A STUNTMAN! SO WHAT? WHAT IS THAT? THAT MEANS HE KNOWS HOW TO FALL DOWN.
THAT MEANS THAT HE FELL OFF THAT BALCONY ON PURPOSE! OH.
OH! [ Shudders .]
[ Colt .]
SO YOU WERE DOUBLE-CROSSING KAY AND ME.
NO.
JUST YOU.
[ Sighs .]
WHY DID YOU GO INTO ROBBERY IN THE FIRST PLACE? I DON'T KNOW.
I WAS DUMB, OKAY? WHAT MADE YOU SMART? A GIRL CAN CHANGE HER MIND.
OFTEN.
COLT, ARE YOU SURE YOU JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAD FOR THE BORDER? KID, WE'RE GONNA GIVE TRUE LOVE ONE MORE CHANCE.
YOU SURE HE'S IN THERE? MM-HMM.
IT'S THAT ROOM AT THE TOP.
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GO.
WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.
I-I GOTTA DO IT ALONE.
TH-THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE'LL BELIEVE WHAT I TELL HIM.
- THAT COULD BE PRETTY DANGEROUS.
- BILLY WOULD NEVER HURT ME.
ALL RIGHT.
MAKE SURE HE KNOWS YOU GOT COMPANY.
OKAY.
YOU THINK SHE'S PLAYING ANOTHER TRICK? NO.
THEN WHY DO YOU LOOK SO WORRIED? [ Sighs .]
I JUST HOPE HE LIKES HER MORE THAN HE DOES THE JEWELS.
[ Knocking .]
YEAH, WHO IS IT? IT'S ME, JINX.
SWEETIE.
OH, I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
ME TOO.
HEY, SWEETHEART.
HEY.
LISTEN, WHOSE TRUCK WAS THAT YOU CAME IN? OH, JUST SOME FRIENDS I MET.
THEY STILL THERE? - YEP.
- WHY ARE THOSE GUYS HANGING AROUND HERE? UH, BILLY, LOOK, I KNOW WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH TO GET THOSE JEWELS, BUT I-I'VE HAD SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT AND WE-WE SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE IT.
WHAT ARE YOU, CRAZY? HEY, BABY, WE'RE FREE AND CLEAR.
I MEAN, THAT'S THREE MILLION DOLLARS AND YOU WANT TO GO TO JAIL? LOOK, I-I TOLD YOU I MADE US A DEAL.
WE GIVE BACK THE JEWELS AND-AND THEY LET US ALL GO FREE.
BILLY, WE-WE DON'T HAVE A CHANCE OTHERWISE.
JUST THINK OF EVERYTHING WE WANTED-- THE HOUSE, SOME KIDS-- ALL OF IT.
PLEASE, BILLY.
HEY, WAKE UP.
ALL HE WANTS ARE THOSE JEWELS.
WELL, WHY DID YOU WANT ME TO COME HERE THEN? WE HAD TO SEE YOU ONE LAS TIME.
YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN IDENTIFY US.
[ Cars Approaching .]
ENOUGH.
OH, HEY, THERE MUST BE AT LEAS 20 COPS OUT THERE.
- [ Men Shouting In Spanish .]
- YOU DOUBLE-CROSSED US.
NO, I DIDN'T! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Helicopter Whirring Overhead .]
VERY NICE, CHIEF.
THANK YOU.
[ Spanish .]
ALL RIGHT, WISE GUY.
YOU'VE HAD IT.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
- I SEE YOU BROUGH YOUR OLD GANG ALONG.
- NOTHIN' IS GONNA STOP ME FROM RECOVERING THOSE JEWELS.
- HOW MANY JEWELS DO YOU FIGURE A LIFE IS WORTH? - STOW THE SENTIMENT.
OKAY, YOU'RE SURROUNDED AND THERE'S NO WAY OUT.
NOW COME DOWN WITH YOUR HANDS UP.
[ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Gunshots .]
WE BETTER DO SOMETHING BEFORE SHE GETS THA GIRL KILLED.
YOU GET IN THE FRONT.
[ Gunshots .]
[ Jinx .]
THEY'RE GONNA KILL US! [ Man .]
NO, THEY WON'T.
SHE MADE A DEAL.
THEY WON'T HURT HER.
- WE'LL USE HER AS A HOSTAGE.
- [ Kay .]
GIVE YOURSELVES UP NOW.
I GUESS WE'LL HAVE TO.
I'M SORRY, BABY.
JUST GET ME UP TO THE WINDOW AS CLOSE AS YOU CAN.
I'LL GO FOR IT.
- WHAT IF MY TIMING'S OFF? - WELL, THERE WON'T BE A SECOND TAKE, KID.
LET'S GO.
HOLD YOUR FIRE! HOLD YOUR FIRE! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
- YOU MAKE A MOVE AND SHE GETS IT.
- TRUE LOVE, HUH? - I DID IT AGAIN.
- WELL, THERE'S NOT MUCH WE CAN DO.
IF YOU WANT TO KICK HIM, I'LL UNDERSTAND.
THANK GOD YOU'RE OKAY! COLT, DID YOU GET THE JEWELS? YEAH.
HERE, CATCH.
[ Laughing .]
I ALWAYS END UP THIS WAY.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE YOU STAR IN THE WRONG PLACE.
- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH ME? - SEND YOU BACK TO MY FAVORITE BARRACUDA.
ME TOO? NO, YOU'RE GOING TO GO WITH ME.
JAIL? WELL, THEY'LL GO EASY ON YOU WHEN THEY-- WHEN I TELL THEM HOW YOU HELPED RECOVER THE JEWELS.
WHAT A JERK I AM! ACTUALLY, I THINK YOU'RE PRETTY TERRIFIC.
AND IF YOU STAR BELIEVING IT YOURSELF, THEN THEY'LL STAR CALLING YOU "LUCKY.
" [ Laughs .]
BIG JACK, YOU GOT NOTHING TO LOSE.
I'M PUTTIN' UP THE COLLATERAL.
JUST GET HER OU ON BAIL RIGHT AWAY.
NO, NO, NO! NOT THE MEN, JUST JINX! YEAH.
YOU'RE ALL HEART.
GOOD-BYE.
[ Ringing .]
YEAH.
UH, YEAH.
OH.
UH, YEAH.
HOLD ON.
IT'S YOUR BOSS.
SOUNDS HAPPY.
SO HE SHOULD BE.
WE GOT ALL THE JEWELS BACK AND WE DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO MAKE A DEAL.
WELL, I DON'T LIKE DEALS.
I THINK A PERSON DOES SOMETHING WRONG, THEY SHOULD GO TO JAIL.
OH, DON'T BE SO SIMPLISTIC, COLT.
YES, THIS IS KAY.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
OH, PLEASE.
THERE'S NO NEED TO OVERDO THE PRAISE.
YES, IT WAS A SUPERLATIVE JOB, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF.
OH, THANK YOU, SIR.
THANK YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
I WILL SEE YOU FIRS THING MONDAY MORNING WITH A REPORT IN HAND.
I ORDERED ALL THE GEAR FOR TOMORROW'S GAG, COLT.
AH, GOOD.
GOOD.
COLT, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO LIKE HEARING THIS, BUT YOU HAVE MADE ME A HERO.
OH, THAT'S WONDERFUL.
WAIT A MINUTE.
I DON'T THINK THIS GLASS WAS QUITE THIS FULL BEFORE.
UH, WELL, I POURED SOME MORE IN FOR YA.
[ Chuckles .]
UM, HOWIE, WOULD YOU MIND GETTING US A COUPLE OF FRESH GLASSES, PLEASE? UH, HOWIE, UH-- GET US ANOTHER BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, HUH? - WELL, THIS ONE'S ALMOST FULL.
- WELL, IT'S A TRADITION OF OURS.
- YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.
- HAD TO BE THERE.
[ Laughing .]