Total Drama Island (2007) s01e20 Episode Script

1
LAST TIME ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND
AN ESCAPED PSYCHO KILLER TERRORIZED OUR CAMPERS
WITH HIS MEAT-MANGLING HOOK
AND MEGA-MURDEROUS CHAINSAW.
THERE WAS A LARGE AMOUNT OF SCREAMING,
ESPECIALLY CONSIDERING THE WHOLE THING WAS REALLY
JUST AN ELABORATE PUNK.
OOH-OOH-OOH. I LOVE THIS PART.
DUNCAN WAS THE ONLY ONE TO PSYCH OUT THE PSYCHO,
BUT ULTIMATE VICTORY WENT TO GWEN,
WHO SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE KITCHEN
WITH AN ACTUAL PSYCHO, WHICH LEFT D.J.
THE CHICKEN-HEART TO FLOAT THE LOSER BOAT HOME.
ONLY SEVEN CAMPERS REMAIN.
WHO WILL WIN? WHO WILL LOSE?
OW!
WHO WILL NEED A RABIES SHOT,
THANKS TO THIS UNGRATEFUL LITTLE--
FIND OUT ON THIS EPISODE OF TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
WILDFLOWERS FOR A WILD AND CRAZY GAL?
OH, YEAH?
AS IN THE KIND YOU ABANDON AND LEAVE FOR DEAD
IN THE HANDS OF A CHAINSAW-WIELDING
PSYCHO KILLER WITH A HOOK?
ME? ABANDON YOU?
NEVER. NEVER EVER.
WASN'T THERE JUST A 300-POUND
BAG OF JOY TALKING TO YOU?
I'M ONLY 296!
SOMEONE SET A TRAP
OR TWO.
CHRIS: GOOD MORNING, CAMPERS!
OR SHOULD I SAY TRAPPERS?
READY FOR TODAY'S CHALLENGE?
EXCELLENT.
THEN LET'S CHAT ABOUT IT OVER CHOW,
SHALL WE?
HE'S COMING BACK TO UNTRAP US, RIGHT?
-(SIGHS) -GOOD AIM.
PASTE?
CAMPERS, THERE ARE ONLY SEVEN OF YOU LEFT ON
TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
AFTER TONIGHT'S DRAMATIC BONFIRE CEREMONY,
ONLY SIX OF YOU WILL REMAIN.
WE'RE NEARING THE END, PEOPLE, SO LOOK ALIVE.
WHAT ARE MY CHANCES OF WINNING?
I'D SAY THEY'RE PRETTY DARN GREA
BECAUSE ANYONE WHO DOESN'T VOTE FOR ME IS A DEAD MAN.
ARE YOU LISTENING OUT THERE,
ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE BEEN KICKED OFF?
IF YOU DON'T VOTE FOR ME, I'LL FIND YOU.
I AM SO STOKED.
THE FINAL SEVEN AND I'M GOING ALL THE WAY, DUDES.
WOO-HOO!
I THINK I GOT A GOOD SHOT AT WINNING.
HECK, I WON STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT TWO YEARS RUNNING,
AND I DIDN'T EVEN GIVE A SPEECH!
I CAN DO THIS, MAN. WOO!
TODAY'S CHALLENGE INVOLVES MAKING LIKE
OUR PROVINCE'S GREAT RANGERS AND GAME WARDENS.
YOU'LL EACH HAVE 8 HOURS TO TRAP AN ANIMAL.
GOT ONE.
A WILD ANIMAL,
WHICH YOU MUST BRING BACK TO THE CAMPFIRE, UNHARMED.
RANGERS AND GAME WARDENS OFTEN HAVE TO RELOCATE ANIMALS
FOR THEIR OWN GOOD AND THE GOOD OF CAMPERS.
GIRL: OW! GET OFF!
FOR MY GOOD,
I MIGHT HAVE TO BARBECUE MY ANIMAL.
I'M STARVING TO DEATH.
FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION THAT, GWEN.
REWARD FOR WINNING TODAY'S CHALLENGE
IS A MEAL OF ALL OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS.
I AM SO WINNING.
SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA EAT THAT?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M IN THE FINAL SEVEN.
CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, WINNING?
HA-HA-HA-HO! THAT WOULD BE AWESOME.
WOO-HOO-HOO!
EVERYONE ELSE HERE TOTALLY DESERVES I
MORE THAN I DO, THOUGH, EXCEPT HEATHER.
SHE'S REALLY MEAN.
I'M NOT AFRAID OF HER, THOUGH.
-HEATHER: OWEN? -AAH!
(KNOCKING ON THE DOOR)
HEATHER: ARE YOU ALMOST FINISHED IN THERE?
JUST ABOUT DONE.
(ANIMAL HOOTS)
EVERYONE,
CHOOSE AN ANIMAL ASSIGNMENT.
CHIPMUNK.
FROG.
RACCOON.
DUCK.
BEAVER.
DEER. YES! BAGGING A DOE.
BEAR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
IT'S THE ONLY ANIMAL LEFT.
THESE DEGENERATES GET CUTE LITTLE FROGGY
AND WEE BABY DUCKY
AND I'M SUPPOSED TO TRAP A BEAR WITH MY BARE HANDS?
YOU DO GET 60 SECONDS IN THE BOATHOUSE
TO GATHER ANY EQUIPMENT THAT MIGHT HELP.
UNLESS THERE'S AN ANIMAL TRAINER
AND A ZEBRA CARCASS IN THERE,
I DON'T THINK IT'LL BE ADEQUATE.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
I DON'T THINK I'VE MENTIONED THE PENALTY YET.
HEATHER: I DON'T CARE. I'LL TAKE IT.
LOSER CLEANS THE COMMUNAL WASHROOMS.
SORRY.
I THINK I ATE TOO MUCH OF THAT DELICIOUS PASTE.
(FARTS)
ALL RIGHT, CAMPERS.
YOU HAVE JUST ONE MINUTE IN THE BOATHOUSE
TO GRAB YOUR CRITTER-CATCHING GEAR.
UH, YOU'RE GONNA TRAP A RACCOON WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER?
HEATHER: YOU MAY WANT TO RETHINK THAT.
AH, THANKS FOR THE TIP.
AAH! OW!
I GOT PAPER TOWELS!
YEAH! WOO!
A BURLAP SACK?
YOU SHOULD PATENT THAT.
10 SECONDS REMAINING.
HA HA HA HA!
EXCUSE ME. PARDON. COMING THROUGH.
IS THAT LEGAL? CAN SHE JUST--
OH.
DUCK BAIT. YEAH, THAT'LL WORK.
AAH!
I THINK THERE'S STILL FISH IN HERE.
THE NET'S ALL YOURS.
AND P.S., IT'LL NEVER HOLD A BEAR.
I DON'T KNOW.
I GUESS I HAVE A CHANCE.
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.
IF I DIDN'T THINK I COULD WIN,
DO YOU REALLY THINK I WOULD BE IN THIS DUMP?
PUTTING UP WITH THE REVOLTING FOOD,
GIANT BUGS, AND CAMERAS IN YOUR FACE
ALL DAY IS ONE THING.
BUT HEATHER?
ONLY $100,000 COULD MAKE ME LIVE WITH HER.
I ASSUME I'M THE FAVORITE TO WIN.
I MEAN, LOOK WHO'S LEFT.
WEIRD GOTH GIRL, A CRIMINAL,
A FART MACHINE, A PARTY DUDE,
A PSYCHO HOSE BEAST, AND LESHAWNA.
AND THE ONLY THING SHE HAS GOING FOR HER IS
THAT SHE HASN'T MADE ANY ENEMIES.
WHOOP-DE-DO!
WE'RE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. WE ARE HERE TO WIN.
AND THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I PLAN ON DOING.
HEY, BUMPER THINGIES, OLD SANDWICH,
A STICK, BIG, NASTY HOOK.
SCORE! TRANQUILIZER GUN!
GUYS, LOOK!
COULD YOU PLEASE AIM THE OTHER WAY?
EVERYBODY READY?
ALL: YES.
NO.
GAME ON.
SEE, NOW HEATHER-- SHE WAS MY COMPETITION.
AND AS MUCH AS IT MADE ME WANT TO HURL,
I KNEW I HAD TO GET ON HER GOOD SIDE.
YOU CAN BORROW MY CHAINSAW AFTER I'M DONE.
GREAT.
THE BEAR CAN USE IT TO SKIN ME ALIVE
AFTER HE'S FINISHED MAULING ME.
THANKS.
WELL, I DID PICK SOMETHING UP THAT MIGHT HELP YOU.
WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO HELP ME?
BECAUSE IF YOU TEAM UP WITH ME, I'LL TAKE YOU TO THE FINAL TWO.
NOT INTERESTED. SUIT YOURSELF.
I USUALLY DO.
SHE'LL BE BACK. JUST WAIT.
(BIRDS SCREECHING)
COME HERE, DUCKY, DUCKY. LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
COME AND GET IT.
UH, LAST TIME I CHECKED, DUCKS WADDLED.
THIS IS GONNA BE WAY TOO EASY.
I THINK I GOT AS GOOD A SHOT OF WINNING AS ANYONE ELSE,
AND I'M NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING STAND IN MY WAY, Y'ALL.
I'VE JUST GOT TO KEEP WINNING INVINCIBILITY
SO THAT COW HEATHER CAN'T VOTE ME OFF.
MANIPULATIVE PAIN IN MY BUTT'S BEEN TRYING TO
GET RID OF ME FOR WEEKS.
(CROAKS)
YEAH. FROGGY GONNA PAY.
AHEM. LOOK. I'M NO BEAR WHISPERER,
BUT I'VE GOT SOME GARBAGE HERE.
SO JUST COME AND GET IT.
HELLO! I DON'T HAVE ALL--
(GROWLS)
HEY, BUDDY. HEY, LITTLE PAL.
COME ON. LET'S GO FOR A WALK.
(CHITTERING)
OH, SO THAT'S HOW IT'S GONNA BE.
I DIDN'T WANT IT TO COME TO THIS BUT
THAT'S MORE THAN WHAT MEETS THE EYE.
BANZAI!
WHOOPS.
OH, MY GOSH, I SHOULD TOTALLY WIN.
OKAY, YOU KNOW THAT TIME I DRESSED UP AS A BEAR AND LIKE,
SCARED EVERYONE, AND I WAS LIKE, "RRR."
AND THEY WERE LIKE, "AAH! SAVE ME!"
WELL, IF SOMEONE ELSE DRESSED UP AS A BEAR,
AND IT WASN'T ME,
I TOTALLY WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SCARED.
I WOULD HAVE KNOWN
WHICH MAKES ME SMARTER THAN THEY ARE.
OH, DID I MENTION I HAVE AN I.Q. OF 188?
BECAUSE I DO.
HEATHER, WAIT UP.
(QUACKING)
HMM! I HATE THIS FREAKING SHOW.
AAH!
AAH!
OOH!
THE NATURALIST IS AT ONE WITH THE WILD.
HE IS PART OF IT.
MAKING EYE CONTACT WITH HIS
FELLOW CREATURES CREATES PEACE, CREATES BROTHERHOOD.
WE ARE ONE, LITTLE FELLOW, YES.
WE ARE ONE.
AND YOU'RE THE ONLY THING
STANDING BETWEEN ME AND VICTORY.
STILL, I LOVE YOU.
AAH! THAT SMARTS!
AAH!
(WHINNIES)
WHOOPS.
A BEAR.
A BEAR?
I MEAN, HOW ON EARTH AM I SUPPOSED TO CATCH A BEAR?
GWEN: OPEN THE CAGE, OPEN THE CAGE!
YES! I WIN THE DINNER.
YES!
BRING ME DUCK SOUP, PEKING DUCK,
DUCK A L'ORANGE, CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.
NO, CHOCOLATE DUCK.
I WIN!
DUNCAN: OPEN THE CAGE!
(QUACKS) (CHITTERS)
HA!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?
GWEN WON ALREADY.
(LAUGHS) HEY, HOST MAN, BRING ON THE CHOW.
CHRIS: DON'T FORGET.
LAST CAMPER TO CATCH THEIR CRITTER CLEANS THE WASHROOM.
WELL, I'VE GOT NOTHING BETTER TO DO.
I COULD HELP YOU BAG A BEAR, DEER.
HE'S EVIL, MANIPULATIVE, SKETCHY,
AND COMPLETELY UNPREDICTABLE.
I LIKE THE WAY HE THINKS.
AND SINCE I'M SERIOUSLY IN THE MARKE
FOR A NEW ALLIANCE, BRING ON MR. DELINQUENT.
OOH.
BEAVERS, DON'T MAKE ME ANGRY.
YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY.
(YELLS)
WHOOPS.
YEAH, GENIUS RUNS IN MY FAMILY, AND PSYCHOTHERAPY.
ONCE AT MY FAMILY BARBECUE,
MY UNCLE CUT OFF HIS EAR WITH A STEAK KNIFE
TO EMULATE VAN GOGH BECAUSE HE'S, LIKE,
ALL ARTISTIC, BUT HE CHICKENED OU
AND ONLY CUT HALF OF IT OFF!
IT WAS JUST LIKE, HANGING THERE!
IT WAS SO GROSS!
I SWEAR, I THINK SOME OF IT ENDED UP IN MY SALAD.
(CROAK)
COME ON, FROGGY, IT'S GOUDA.
OH, NO, YOU ARE NOT TRICKING ME, FROGGY.
I'M NOT COMING OVER THERE.
YOU WANT THIS CHEESE, YOU ARE COMING OVER HERE.
OKAY, ONE MORE STEP. BUT THAT'S IT.
UGH!
FROGGY, BE PLAYING WITH THE WRONG SISTER!
THE NATURALIST WOULD LIKE
THE CHIPMUNK TO LISTEN TO REASON.
THE NATURALIST WOULD LIKE TO POINT OU
THAT WE'RE ALL ONE IN THE EYES OF MOTHER NATURE.
ONE LOVE, CHIPPY.
OOH!
WORK WITH ME. YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE.
HERE.
NO, NO.
SEE, THE THING THAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN
IS I AGREE TO BE IN AN ALLIANCE WITH YOU,
AND YOU HELP ME CATCH THE BEAR.
WHAT DOESN'T HAPPEN IS I WEAR A REINDEER COSTUME.
HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN?
ALSO, YOU DON'T ASK ME A GAZILLION STUPID QUESTIONS.
YOU PUT THESE ON, THE BEAR THINKS YOU'RE A DEER.
YOU RUN AWAY AND LEAD HIM TOWARDS THE CAMPGROUND.
HOW FAST CAN YOU RUN?
I BET YOU'RE FASTER.
BUT WHAT I WILL DO IS FOLLOW.
JUST GUIDE THE BEAR INTO THE CAGE.
I BET MOST OF THE OTHER MORONS
HAVE ALREADY GOT THEIR ANIMALS BACK TO CAMP.
YOU DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME.
IT'S WHAT THEY CALL A WIN-WIN.
SHE SUCCEEDS, AND I HAVE AN ALLIANCE.
SHE LOSES, AND SHE GETS EATEN BY A BEAR.
WOW, THAT ALL LOOKS GOOD!
GEOFF: OPEN THE CAGE!
HEY, MAN, IMPRESSIVE.
AND NO RABIES.
I'M GOING TO TAKE A SHOWER.
CONGRATULATIONS, YOU GUYS.
HUH, I GUESS THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS.
IZZY: I GOT IT.
IT MAY HAVE BEEN A SLOW START, BUT I FINALLY GOT IT.
IZZY'S A SHARPSHOOTER.
BANZAI.
YES. (LAUGHS)
(BEAR ROARS)
HAVE YOU SEEN HEATHER?
WHO?
ABOUT YAY TALL, LONG, DARK HAIR, HOT,
WEARING DEER ANTLERS.
WHOOPS.
SOWHAT ARE YOU HAVING FIRST?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.
OWEN: WOO-HOO!
CHRIS, OPEN THE CAGE!
A NATURALIST WILL NOT BE DEFEATED.
CLOSE THE CAGE! CLOSE THE CAGE!
YOU SURE?
CLOSE IT!
WHY, HELLO, DUCKY.
OH, AND WHAT A NICE, LITTLE RACCOON YOU ARE,
NEXT TO THE SWEET BEAVERS.
OW!
I'M THE NATURALIST!
YOU, UH, SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE INFIRMARY
TO GET YOUR BUTT DART REMOVED?
NOT UNTIL PSYCHO HOSE BEAST GOES DOWN.
CHRIS: YOU'VE ALL CAST YOUR VOTES AND MADE YOUR DECISION.
WHEN I CALL YOUR NAME,
COME UP AND CLAIM YOUR MARSHMALLOW.
THE CAMPER WHO DOES NOT RECEIVE
A MARSHMALLOW TONIGHT MUST IMMEDIATELY
RETURN TO THE DOCK OF SHAME
TO CATCH THE BOAT OF LOSERS AND LEAVE.
THAT MEANS YOU'RE OUT OF THE CONTEST,
AND YOU CAN'T COME BACK, EVER.
ONE THING I'LL BE HAPPY TO NEVER SEE AGAIN?
CHEF'S FOOD.
DEFINITELY THE FOOD.
-THE FOOD. -THAT IS THE RANKEST--
STINKIEST--
NASTIEST--
-GROSSEST-- -OLDEST--
MOLDIES
-BLANDEST-- -BADDEST--
MOST DISGUSTING SLOP I HAVE EVER HAD TO EAT.
OH, AND THE BATHROOMS?
DID YOU SEE THOSE STALLS?
I DON'T THINK THEY'VE BEEN CLEANED IN--
35 YEARS!
WOW-WHEE, THEY STINK!
OH, AND I MEAN STINK.
THE FIRST MARSHMALLOW GOES TO
GEOFF.
OWEN.
LESHAWNA.
DUNCAN.
HEATHER.
ONE MARSHMALLOW, TWO PLAYERS.
IZZY, GWEN, ONE OF YOU HAS SPENT YOUR LAST NIGH
ON TOTAL DRAMA ISLAND.
JUST GIVE IT TO GWEN ALREADY.
EH.
OH, WE'VE ALL GOT TO GO SOMETIME, RIGHT?
YOU COULD MAKE OUT WITH ME FIRST,
IF THAT WOULD CUSHION THE BLOW.
GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.
THANKS FOR COMING OUT!
BEING THE LOSER, YOU REALIZE
YOU STILL HAVE SOME UNFINISHED BUSINESS.
DUNCAN, I REQUIRE YOUR SERVICES.
DUNCAN: AH, THE SHOWER IS DISGUSTING.
LESHAWNA TOOK, LIKE, THREE FROGGY MUD RINSES TODAY.
DON'T FORGET TO SCRUB THE GROU
WITH GWEN'S TOOTHBRUSH. WHY DID LESHAWNA--
AAH.
WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PARALYSIS?
IT'S COMING BACK SLOWLY,
LIKE THE MEMORIES OF YOU GETTING ME SHOT,
SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER, EVER BE ALLOWED TO FORGET.