Ugly Betty s01e20 Episode Script
Petra-gate
Previously on "Ugly Betty" Why would you ever agree to help Wilhelmina? Can we talk about it? - Hi, daddy.
- Alex? Bradford Meade won't be able to keep his hands off you.
That's the idea.
- I saw you acting crazy and I- - Your day is over! Punch out! So are you giving Petra the may cover or the june? What, are you also her manager? I'm her mother.
Petra is 16? You didn't ask to see I.
D.
, did you? It's Daniel.
Sounds like he might be in trouble.
I've punched out.
Ay, Betty! What are you doing here? I sleep here! What are you doing sneaking in my window like you're back in high school? I was out last night with Santos.
But I don't want papi to know, or Justin, yet.
I mean, I-I don't even know if this is "I love you" or just, you know, "I love you naked.
" Okay, so, you are back in high school.
What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be at work? I'm calling in sick.
Oh, what, are you still mad at everyone there? Why wouldn't I be? Christina's my best friend.
I confided things to her, and she went and told Wilhelmina.
And Daniel told me to butt out of his life, that I'm just his secretary.
And Henry Well, what did he do? Nothing.
But he has a girlfriend, and that's just the cherry on the sundae.
Would you like a sundae? Maybe.
Well, tough.
It's monday.
Go to work.
Be an adult.
Said the girl with a leaf in her hair.
I'm just saying, a job is not about making friends.
It's about making money and stealing office supplies.
By the way, we're out of coffee filters.
Well, that's certainly a nice way to wake up in the morning.
Think of me as your café au lait.
I wish I didn't have to leave.
I am not looking forward to my meeting with Alex.
Oh, you poor dear.
You wanna talk about it? No, no.
It's my problem.
I'll deal with it.
Bradford, I hope you don't just think of me as your morning pick-me-up.
I'd like to think I'm an important part of your life someone you can talk to.
You know, if you really wanna take my mind off things the postman can always ring twice.
Ah, the miracle of modern medicine.
I already told you, Mr.
Meade.
Either you put my daughter on the cover of "Mode," or I tell the police that you like to how you say play in the minor leagues.
Stop laughing.
You'll get wrinkles.
Uh, look.
I put together some money.
There's $75,000.
Is that enough to forget this ever happened? This isn't about money! This is about Petra's career.
She's going to be the next Kate Moss, but not such a piggy.
Okay, look.
We have a big photo shoot today with our sister magazine, "Mode Brazil.
" I think I can probably get you in.
Ooh, I already have the wax.
Shut up, Petra.
Nice try, Mr.
Meade, but she is not interested in a corner picture on page 80.
It's the cover or jail.
Come on, Petra.
You must be starving.
Let's get you a club soda.
Suck it up.
It's just a job.
Betty, I'm so glad you're here.
Isabella from bungalow 8 called.
Apparently you left your pants there tuesday night.
Betty Monique wants to know if you're taking her to the Soho House on friday.
Otherwise, Wilmer Valderrama's in second position.
Can't we talk about friday night? Not necessary.
Oh, and the cafeteria's out of bagels, so I'm going down to the kiosk to get your bagel.
Can I get you something else? You're really not gonna let me say anything? You said it already.
You're my boss, and I'm just your assistant.
I'll be back in ten.
If I ever get my hands on the man who invented these things- and let me assure you, it was a man.
Here.
Find something to replace them with.
Anything but cyanide.
I need him alive just not all of him alive.
So lil' Bradford's keeping you up at night? I try to nod off, and when the finish line approaches, he starts howling like a wounded beagle.
Sexy.
Is it really worth it? Well, the only way I can run this empire is if I marry that horn dog.
Well, what about Claire- the current Mrs.
Horn Dog? First things first.
Willie, I'm not an expert about moving past the sex, because- well, why? But if you wanna move from mistress to missus, maybe you should make yourself a little more indispensable.
You know, find the thorn in his paw and pull it out.
Out of the mouths of gays.
A check for $10 million? It's all yours if you resign from "Mode" and disappear, for good this time.
So you called me in here to buy me off? I have one child now-Daniel.
I want him in charge of "Mode.
" You stupid son of a bitch.
You don't get it, do you? I'm not going anywhere until I make you pay for everything you've done to me.
Spend your money on something else.
Good morning, sloppy.
What? I said good morning.
You got messages.
Christina called, like, 1,200 times.
I'm pretty sure she was drunk dialing.
And your nerd lover keeps sniffing around.
Henry is not my lover.
And just throw away the messages from Christina.
Ooh, someone's got their bitch on.
Tavares.
I'm here to see Wilhelmina Slater.
I have a 9:00 to show her my new designs.
Take a seat.
Fierce.
Fierce back.
So wait.
You go to court with this lawyer next month, and that's it? You're a citizen? Pretty much.
My new lawyer says I'm on the fast track.
That's great.
We need a party with a theme.
"Crossing the border.
" We'll have a big fence at the door and make everyone climb over it.
You do that.
- Hey, mom.
- Good morning.
Lose the earrings.
Too big.
Bye! Morning, papi.
No time for breakfast.
I gotta be at the cosmetology institute at 10:00.
If you're late, they make you sweep the hair.
You look a little tired.
Oh, I didn't get much sleep last night.
I started watching Suzanne Somers' "QVC Slumber Party.
" See, she wears pajamas and she makes everybody waffles.
And she had this one woman from Virginia named Tammy Lynn who said the funniest thing- You do realize you put in too many details when you lie? I know.
Damn it! Why can't I stop? Hilda.
You went out with Santos.
I heard you climb the drainpipe.
Did he at least walk you to it and give you a boost? Okay, so I was with Santos.
So what? I'm not a kid anymore.
I can do what I want.
That's your problem, mija.
You never think things through.
You never let up! God, I hate this house! I'm so out of here when I'm 40! You got I.
D.
? Oh, hello.
You are the man from the office.
Hi.
Can I get an onion bagel? Lightly toasted, with a dollop of cream cheese- not a smidge, not a smear, but a dollop.
He's very specific.
Don't you understand? I- I have to work.
What are you waiting for? Hurry up.
Slap it on.
I gotta get out of here.
Betty.
Hi.
We didn't see you.
Hi.
Sorry for the sad face.
We're fighting.
You don't have to tell everyone we meet we're fighting.
It's just Betty.
Oh, oh, Betty, if you moved halfway across the country to be with the person you loved, wouldn't you want him to come home from the office at a normal time every once in a while, hmm? Oh, and Betty, what would you do if you had a girlfriend who relied on you for absolutely everything? Um, I don't know.
I'm still trying to figure out, why does an onion bagel cost more than a raisin bagel? I gotta go.
Bye.
Oh.
It's you.
Uh look can we please talk because I am really, really sorry.
You know what? I need to get this to Daniel.
I'm gonna take the stairs.
Hmm? No, I don't think so.
Betty! Listen, about earlier- Betty! I really need to explain.
Betty! You can't just stop speaking to me.
- Betty! - Betty! - Betty! - Betty! - There she is! - Betty! - Oh, get her! - I can smell her.
Stop! I'm sick.
I'm going home.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to make a surprise appearance.
Well, this is an editorial meeting.
I am editor-in-chief.
Why wouldn't I be here? No open bar, to start with.
Well, I think I just saved next month's issue.
Meet your new cover girl.
Bam! Bam? I can't believe I was ever a guy.
Daniel, this girl's biggest credit is a toothpaste ad in the Ukraine.
You want me to bump Scarlett Johansson for her? Scarlet Johansson? Tired.
Oh, I get it.
You got this chick in bed by offering her the cover.
Forget it.
It's been set for weeks.
I control half this magazine.
I want her on the cover.
And I control the half that actually does the work, and I'm saying no freaking way.
I know this is a little uncomfortable, but rinsing the hair with cold water closes the cuticles and smoothes the hair.
Hey, Hilda.
Hey.
Hey, aunt Betty.
Why aren't you in school? I agreed to let him skip gym if he agreed to be my hair model.
She made me do a couple push-ups.
Why aren't you at work? Well, I tried.
But I-I couldn't suck it up.
It was just really hard.
I don't know.
Maybe I should just quit.
Justin, go towel off.
You, sit.
They say that 50% of this job is listening, and you are in desperate need of hairapy.
Ms.
Slater - Do I know you? - Uh, no.
Then stop talking to me.
- I guess my meeting is canceled.
- Don't take it personally.
She once made Dolce wait for three hours and Gabbana for five.
She hates Gabbana.
She never forgave him for something that she can't remember.
Marc! Bulgy.
Well it was great while it lasted.
See ya.
Hey, wait.
I actually feel bad for you.
And I never feel bad for anyone.
Here.
You can have tuesday at 10:00.
Lindsay'll be back in rehab by then, anyway.
I don't know how to thank you.
Wait, I do.
Here-for you.
Only that would do this justice, anyway.
Mm, you are so right.
Oh, if I were a gay guy, I would so tap that.
Girls, smile! My concept is about sun and fun.
This is no about global warming.
It's about tan lines.
Okay? Listen.
Yeah.
So which one's the creative director from "Mode Brazil"? Oh, my god.
When I die, have me cremated and sprinkled all over his body.
Messages, please.
Your lunch with Donna is canceled.
Liz from Comme Des Garçons needs to talk to you ASAP.
And, uh, oh, ta-da! Here you go.
He won't even be able to keep the remote up tonight.
What'd you replace them with? It's better if you don't know.
I'm just kidding.
It's mints.
Oh, my god.
When I die, I wanna be cremated and spri- Already did it.
Amanda, where did you get that jacket? A new up-and-coming designer-Tavares.
No last name, 'cause he's that good.
Well, the buttons totally ruin the line, but besides that, I don't hate it.
Why don't I know about him? Oh, um, well, he he- I think he's in your book for tuesday.
Good work, Marc.
Yeah, Marc.
Good work.
That is wrong wrong.
Take five.
Uh, touch-ups? Why don't you go and ask someone what global warming is? I think your models are depressed.
Everyone in New York is depressed.
In my country, a woman buries her husband, throws on a bikini and goes to the beach.
But a black bikini, because she still has to mourn.
Yeah, of course.
Rodrigo Veloso, creative director of "Mode Brazil" - Alexis- - Meade.
I always know the name of the most beautiful woman in the room.
I mean, clearly, they're not my friends.
Maybe I should just start over, find new people who won't let me down.
What is that? That's my wise hairdresser's nod.
They say you gotta do it, even if you're not listening.
I was, I was.
Calm down.
And you know what I think? You're too hard on your friends.
- Are you kidding me? - You are! - You always have been.
- You are, aunt Betty.
You guys don't know what you're talking about.
I'm out of here.
Okay.
Well, I have two words for you- Trina Dipaolo.
Mr.
Meade.
Uh, Daniel? If you're looking for Betty, she's not here.
Yeah, I know.
It's not- It's just about the $75,000 check I cut for you.
It's kind of a big "miscellaneous expense," so if you could just tell me what it's for.
Henry, you don't have to hide it.
You can have the check back.
I'm not gonna need it in prison.
I can't believe you would even say that name to me.
Who's Trina Dipaolo? Betty's best friend in high school, until she ended it.
No.
Trina is the one who ended it, when she ruined our anti-prom.
What's an anti-prom? It was our celebration of how much we hated the prom.
I loved my prom.
And nine months later, I had a wonderful reminder of it.
Trina and I planned our anti-prom for months.
We knew no boys were gonna ask us, so we stayed home and we ate cookie dough and we rented "Carrie" Classic girl rage.
Okay, do you wanna hear what happened or not? So we were sitting on the couch watching "Carrie.
" Okay, can I look? Can I look? Oh, my god.
You two losers are actually doing this? Yeah, the gym teacher just got cut in half.
You can look now.
- Trina! - Move over.
- It's not funny.
- Move.
Oh, my god.
John Travolta was hot.
What happened? And then Trina got a phone call, and it turned into one of the worst nights of my life.
You're leaving me to go to the prom? Betty, it's Sam Pappas.
I've had a crush on him since he put gum in my hair.
His date got chicken pox, and he has no one else to go with.
It's a prom night miracle.
But we made a pact in yearbook committee.
This is our anti-prom You're sad and pathetic and will never have a boyfriend.
Traitor.
Pig's blood? Okay, I was there, and that is not what happened at all.
Listen, we made a pact in yearbook committee.
This is our anti-prom! I know.
And I know it's sad and pathetic, but this is the closest I'll ever get to having a boyfriend.
Just go, you traitor.
Please understand.
Betty- Okay, maybe I embellished a little.
But it may as well have been pig's blood.
That's what it felt like.
Aunt Betty, you are so theater.
Betty, she called you for days, and you never returned her phone calls.
You just totally shut her out because she made one mistake.
Well, it was a big one.
Yeah? Was it worth it? How was the rest of your school year? Who'd you eat lunch with? - The lunch ladies.
- Was it Eleanor? She is such a gossip.
Okay, hairapist, what would you have done? I would've told Trina how that made me feel, and that is what you should be doing with Daniel and Christina.
- It's too hard.
- Why, Betty? Because you don't want them to see how hurt you are? Because you're afraid that you're gonna lose them? Haven't you already? I thought you said jobs were just about paychecks.
Obviously not for you.
Wow.
I've never known anyone who's been blackmailed before.
It's so "All my children" which I used to watch with my mother, and I don't know why I just said that.
Look, I'm sorry I dumped all this on you.
I guess I needed to talk to someone.
There aren't that many people here to do that with.
Yeah, I miss Betty, too.
Well, she warned me about screwing up.
I know I was drunk, but I never thought Petra could be underage.
Well, it sounds like you were set up.
That doesn't change anything.
Maybe I should face the consequences.
No, you have to get Alexis to put Petra on the cover.
Look, I tried that.
Well, if you-if you tell her what's going on, then she'll do it.
Uh, yeah.
You don't know Alexis.
She is family.
It has to count for something.
Oh, and Wilhelmina flipped for the jacket you gave me.
How much do you love me? Hmm it's Matt Damon, and then you.
Oh, one thing- she hated those buttons.
If you've got them on anything else, burn them.
Really? Yeah, and now that I think about it, you might wanna take the sequins off that black cocktail.
Sequins remind her of the bad times at 54.
What about the capris? How does she feel about tortoise shell? Okay, okay, okay.
Mucho, mucho big favor.
Could you please come to my studio tonight and tell me what Ms.
Slater will love and what she will hate? Please.
This is such a big opportunity for me.
Well, if fashion duty calls and I do love free clothes.
There will be free clothes, right? Plenty.
After the shoot, perhaps you will join me for dinner? There's this little restaurant I know, and I would love to take you there.
I'm afraid I have a lot of work to do.
But thank you for the invitation.
I'll keep myself available in case you change your mind.
I see you've met Rodrigo.
Quite a specimen, isn't he? I guess.
He asked me out to dinner.
And you said? - No.
- Alexis, why? Because it's dinner, and that means sex.
I know that.
I used to be a guy.
And what's wrong with sex? Well, I haven't- it's- I haven't exac- Ever since I- I haven't Taken the new car out for a test drive? That's one way to put it.
Oh, Alexis.
What are you waiting for? Sooner or later, someone's gonna have to put the key in the ignition.
Alexis, I am being blackmailed by the girl's mother.
Either we put Petra on the cover, or they'll go to the police.
My total lack of surprise- is it real or is it botox? I need your help, Alexis.
This is not funny! Yeah, it is, because you're the one our father trusts.
Just this morning, he offered me $10 million to resign and leave you in charge of "Mode.
" Look, I didn't know that.
But you can't hold this against me.
Sorry, Danny, but you just became a little pawn in this game.
You want miss Teen Kazakhstan on the cover? You're gonna be the one to resign.
So, what, you'd screw me over just to piss off dad? Yep.
You have a cold heart, Alexis.
Had it installed with the other upgrades.
Here you go, Santos.
Have a bite.
You first.
What are you being so suspicious for? Can't a man have a meal with his daughter's What exactly are you two? We're dating.
Is that why you called me over? I wanna have a little chat.
Let me take you back in time.
Yeah, sure.
Knicks lost in the play-offs.
Braves won the series.
"Sunset Boulevard" won the Tony for best musical.
Yeah.
Justin made me a Broadway-a-day calendar.
That was also the year when my daughter spent a month crying in her bedroom because she was pregnant and you walked out on her.
Look, man, are we gonna do this again? and I still gotta prove to you- You don't have to prove anything to me, Santos.
I don't care enough about you.
But for some reason, my daughter and my grandson do.
Look, you walked away once.
We both know you're gonna walk away again.
So do it now, before anyone starts dreaming about a future that's never going to happen.
My assistant said you were looking for me.
Yes.
I've been thinking about your offer for dinner tonight, and now I'm thinking yes! Excellent.
But there's something we should talk about first.
I don't know how this is possible, but I guess you don't know That you used to be a man? That made it to Brazil? You're international, Alexis Meade like the House of Pancakes.
It's nice to see you laugh.
You have so much sadness in your eyes.
I don't care about who you were.
I want to know who you are now.
See you around 8:00.
Christina? Hello? "Christina, we must talk.
" Okay, that's too scary.
What do I say? God, I want an ice cream sundae.
Chocolate sauce? No, hot fudge.
Nuts? No nuts? Yeah, go for the nuts.
Why not? Okay, uh, focus.
"Christina, can we please talk?" Betty! Henry.
Hi.
I put your paycheck in your desk.
Are you feeling better? I didn't think you'd be back.
Uh, I kind of felt I had to.
So you heard about Daniel? What? No.
What do you mean? Betty, what are you doing? You and me have a lot to talk about.
But first, us.
I shouldn't have shut you out.
That was wrong of me.
But you were more wrong.
You really hurt me at that club.
I know.
I am sorry.
I messed up.
I didn't mean those things I said.
Good.
Because when you hired me, you got more than an assistant.
You got a friend.
And it's just who I am, Daniel.
If you screw up, I'm gonna tell you, whether you like it or not.
I know.
I need that.
I need you, Betty.
So are we okay? Of course we are.
What the hell were you thinking?! I was thinking she was a lot older.
I swear.
I had no idea.
Okay, I believe you.
I believe you.
But what are we-16! I know.
I-I know.
Okay.
How do we fix this? There's only one option.
I have to resign.
Alexis is gonna be running this magazine from now on.
Ah, yes.
Pink silk? Petal, yes.
Fuchsia, no.
Amanda, I love you.
You are totally saving my behind.
More like an a-plus-hind.
Oh, can I please, please, please try this on? Please! Sure.
Dressing room's down the hall.
Oh, like you care, Nancy.
So anyway, we should totally do lunch on tuesday after your meeting at Balthazar.
We can celebrate with oysters and champagne.
How does that sound? Oh, my god.
Is that-do you have a- Are you thinking about Matt Damon right now? I have a little confession to make.
You going out with Santos again? Yeah.
Is he late? A few minutes, but he'll be here.
He's gonna honk twice.
Classy.
You know what? Maybe I'll wait outside for him.
Hilda, maybe he's not coming.
Will you stop it? Mija, this is Santos.
I just don't want you disappointed if- Hi.
What are you doing here? Why didn't you honk? We don't need to sneak around anymore.
What? What are you doing? What I should have done when "Sunset Boulevard" won the Tony.
I love you, Hilda and I want you to be my wife.
This better be important.
Tyra's about to kill off four top models.
Okay, honey.
We need to talk.
I just have to show you something, so sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Ooh! Half-karat, emerald-cut.
It's beautiful.
Took dad long enough.
- You mean you knew? - Oh, come on, mom.
Every morning you smell like Paco Rabanne.
So what'd you say? Did you say yes? I didn't say anything yet.
I wanted to talk to you first.
Why? Because this is about us.
It's been you and me for a long time, kid.
This is your decision, too.
No, mom.
It's not.
In a few years, I'm gonna be out of this house.
So if you wanna marry dad, don't do it for me.
Do it cause you love him.
I love you.
Before I sign this, I have one condition.
You're not really in much of a position to bargain, Daniel.
Look, I've given you everything you want.
Just make sure Betty has a job here.
I can't believe Alexis is doing this to Daniel.
They're family.
Even Erica Kane forgave her daughter Kendall when she slept with her fourth husband.
"All my children.
" It's just something I know.
What are you two doing here? Oh, they wanted to do test shots for Petra's cover next month.
Oh, well, you must be so proud of how you got this for your daughter.
Maybe we should put you on the cover of our mother's day issue.
One cover girl in the family is enough.
Excuse me.
There's no smoking in here.
You got I.
D.
? Oh, my god! What are you doing? Daniel, stop! You don't have to do this.
She's not 16.
Give me back that purse! Actually, she's 38.
And I thought my work was good.
That's Lena.
- No! No, no, no! - Betty! - She's 20! - Yes! I told you not to carry it in your purse! Idiot! Shut up, Lena! I can't believe this was a scam.
You almost ruined my life.
I guess I'm not going anywhere.
Unbelievable.
You should ask for a raise.
Henry! Can you believe it? We saved the day! I am totally Wonder Woman! And I snatched a purse! I'm kind of a bad ass.
You are! I missed you.
I missed you, too.
So did I turn you straight? 'Cause I have turned some guys- just mostly the other way.
No.
Um, I'm-I'm straight just, uh, in the closet.
Oh, wow.
The straight closet.
So what's hanging in there? A lot of flannel? It's the fashion business.
That's the only way I could get my foot in the door.
No one will even look at a straight guy's portfolio.
You know, this is just like the time I pretended to be a lesbian to get Kay Schmidt to do my math homework in junior high.
Don't you judge me, you big faux-mo.
I wish there was a way we could make this work.
Well, who says we can't? When we're in public, I could be part of your entourage.
And when we're alone, you're straight, and I'm naked.
You're really up for this? Please.
Great sex and free clothes? There will be free clothes, right? Plenty.
I had a really bad day.
Any chance we could skip dinner? Do you need a condom? I've got one in my wallet? This is your first time as a girl, isn't it? It's just too scary for me right now.
I know you're here and everything, but I just can't have my heart broken again.
So you're gonna break my heart? Baby, why do we have to rush into everything? We're not kids anymore.
I just-I wanna make sure that we are doing this for the right reasons.
The reason I proposed to you is because I love you, Hilda.
Can you honestly look at me right now and tell me that you don't love me? I love you.
I do.
I love you.
Santos! Santos! Hilda.
Thank god.
Wow.
That was worth becoming a woman for.
Why did I have to meet you only days before I go back to Brazil? I wish I could go with you.
Why don't you? Yeah, right.
I'm serious.
Why don't you come back to Brazil with me? After what you told me about your family, what's keeping you here? It's crazy, isn't it? I have a beautiful place in Leblon, right on the beach.
You can come for a week a month Careful what you ask for.
I may never wanna come back.
Betty! I think we deserve some champagne.
Oh, wait.
How old are you? What, it's too soon? You really think this is something we should be celebrating? Oh, I don't know.
Let's see I could've gone to jail.
I'm not.
I could've lost the magazine.
I didn't.
Yeah, I think it's time to party.
Daniel Do me a favor.
I'd like you to call those girls I met at Trump's party.
See if they wanna hook up later tonight.
See, I'm officially celebrating the end of Petra-gate.
Are you kidding? What? They're old.
They're, like, 20 something.
Okay, as your friend, I think I should tell you, I think you have a problem.
You sleep with women to distract yourself from what's going on in your life.
You're using them like a drug.
- Come on.
- No, I'm serious, Daniel.
I did some research on the internet, and I really think you need professional help.
Betty, really, I appreciate your concern, but we can talk about this in the morning.
- Daniel - Tomorrow.
I promise.
First thing.
Maybe I should have told you all of this before, but I couldn't.
Do you understand how hurt I am? Yeah.
I do.
Still don't quite see how "Carrie" and the prom fit in, but I'm glad we've talked.
And I can't say this enough, Betty.
I am so sorry.
I know.
I know.
So how deep into this whole Wilhelmina thing are you? Oh, just enough to hate myself a little bit every day, but it stops now.
Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna tell her to piss off.
Christina just don't do anything that's gonna get you in trouble.
I have to do something.
Maybe I could get some information that would help you and Daniel.
She's always yakking away in front of me.
Do you know she makes her cleaning lady use the bathroom at the Korean market? Yeah.
Okay.
I think I've had enough intrigue for one day.
I'm gonna get out of here.
Do you wanna maybe grab a bite to eat? Or go for a sundae? You wrote it on a post-it twice.
Not tonight.
But soon? Okay.
Good work.
I'm very pleased.
The rest of the money will come when the job is done.
Along with a promotion to editor-in-chief of "Mode Brazil.
" You get her out of the country, and you'll have everything you ever wanted.
It's only a matter of time.
She's already hooked.
You're a genius.
Having Rodrigo lure Alexis out of the country was a brilliant idea.
Well, I knew the bribe would never work with Alexis.
She's lonely.
Little orphan tranny needs a man.
How did I go this long without you? Oh, I was asking myself the same thing.
We are the perfect team, Bradford.
It's like we were destined to be together.
Willie, what we have is wonderful, but I need to tell you the same thing I told Fey- I'm never gonna divorce Claire.
Of course.
We're just, um, having fun.
So let's have some fun.
Oh you took one of your pills? With you I don't think I'll ever need to take one again.
Come here, my evil minx.
Oh, my god! - This is so amazing! - I know.
I'm gonna bring home every wedding issue of "Mode," and then you can pick your favorite dress, and we'll go to the Bride Queen and get a total knock-off.
Okay, but I wanna show cleavage.
Oh, that's a new look for you.
Oh, my god.
I gotta get to work.
Oh, and I'm gonna be late tonight.
I'm gonna have dinner with Trina.
Yes, I called her.
And it's great that she went to the prom.
You know she ended up marrying Sam Pappas? Ow.
No way.
They make choke collars for dogs.
They're very happy.
Morning.
Morning, papi.
Are you okay? I just had a talk with my new lawyer.
What's wrong? They're sending me back to Mexico.
- Alex? Bradford Meade won't be able to keep his hands off you.
That's the idea.
- I saw you acting crazy and I- - Your day is over! Punch out! So are you giving Petra the may cover or the june? What, are you also her manager? I'm her mother.
Petra is 16? You didn't ask to see I.
D.
, did you? It's Daniel.
Sounds like he might be in trouble.
I've punched out.
Ay, Betty! What are you doing here? I sleep here! What are you doing sneaking in my window like you're back in high school? I was out last night with Santos.
But I don't want papi to know, or Justin, yet.
I mean, I-I don't even know if this is "I love you" or just, you know, "I love you naked.
" Okay, so, you are back in high school.
What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be at work? I'm calling in sick.
Oh, what, are you still mad at everyone there? Why wouldn't I be? Christina's my best friend.
I confided things to her, and she went and told Wilhelmina.
And Daniel told me to butt out of his life, that I'm just his secretary.
And Henry Well, what did he do? Nothing.
But he has a girlfriend, and that's just the cherry on the sundae.
Would you like a sundae? Maybe.
Well, tough.
It's monday.
Go to work.
Be an adult.
Said the girl with a leaf in her hair.
I'm just saying, a job is not about making friends.
It's about making money and stealing office supplies.
By the way, we're out of coffee filters.
Well, that's certainly a nice way to wake up in the morning.
Think of me as your café au lait.
I wish I didn't have to leave.
I am not looking forward to my meeting with Alex.
Oh, you poor dear.
You wanna talk about it? No, no.
It's my problem.
I'll deal with it.
Bradford, I hope you don't just think of me as your morning pick-me-up.
I'd like to think I'm an important part of your life someone you can talk to.
You know, if you really wanna take my mind off things the postman can always ring twice.
Ah, the miracle of modern medicine.
I already told you, Mr.
Meade.
Either you put my daughter on the cover of "Mode," or I tell the police that you like to how you say play in the minor leagues.
Stop laughing.
You'll get wrinkles.
Uh, look.
I put together some money.
There's $75,000.
Is that enough to forget this ever happened? This isn't about money! This is about Petra's career.
She's going to be the next Kate Moss, but not such a piggy.
Okay, look.
We have a big photo shoot today with our sister magazine, "Mode Brazil.
" I think I can probably get you in.
Ooh, I already have the wax.
Shut up, Petra.
Nice try, Mr.
Meade, but she is not interested in a corner picture on page 80.
It's the cover or jail.
Come on, Petra.
You must be starving.
Let's get you a club soda.
Suck it up.
It's just a job.
Betty, I'm so glad you're here.
Isabella from bungalow 8 called.
Apparently you left your pants there tuesday night.
Betty Monique wants to know if you're taking her to the Soho House on friday.
Otherwise, Wilmer Valderrama's in second position.
Can't we talk about friday night? Not necessary.
Oh, and the cafeteria's out of bagels, so I'm going down to the kiosk to get your bagel.
Can I get you something else? You're really not gonna let me say anything? You said it already.
You're my boss, and I'm just your assistant.
I'll be back in ten.
If I ever get my hands on the man who invented these things- and let me assure you, it was a man.
Here.
Find something to replace them with.
Anything but cyanide.
I need him alive just not all of him alive.
So lil' Bradford's keeping you up at night? I try to nod off, and when the finish line approaches, he starts howling like a wounded beagle.
Sexy.
Is it really worth it? Well, the only way I can run this empire is if I marry that horn dog.
Well, what about Claire- the current Mrs.
Horn Dog? First things first.
Willie, I'm not an expert about moving past the sex, because- well, why? But if you wanna move from mistress to missus, maybe you should make yourself a little more indispensable.
You know, find the thorn in his paw and pull it out.
Out of the mouths of gays.
A check for $10 million? It's all yours if you resign from "Mode" and disappear, for good this time.
So you called me in here to buy me off? I have one child now-Daniel.
I want him in charge of "Mode.
" You stupid son of a bitch.
You don't get it, do you? I'm not going anywhere until I make you pay for everything you've done to me.
Spend your money on something else.
Good morning, sloppy.
What? I said good morning.
You got messages.
Christina called, like, 1,200 times.
I'm pretty sure she was drunk dialing.
And your nerd lover keeps sniffing around.
Henry is not my lover.
And just throw away the messages from Christina.
Ooh, someone's got their bitch on.
Tavares.
I'm here to see Wilhelmina Slater.
I have a 9:00 to show her my new designs.
Take a seat.
Fierce.
Fierce back.
So wait.
You go to court with this lawyer next month, and that's it? You're a citizen? Pretty much.
My new lawyer says I'm on the fast track.
That's great.
We need a party with a theme.
"Crossing the border.
" We'll have a big fence at the door and make everyone climb over it.
You do that.
- Hey, mom.
- Good morning.
Lose the earrings.
Too big.
Bye! Morning, papi.
No time for breakfast.
I gotta be at the cosmetology institute at 10:00.
If you're late, they make you sweep the hair.
You look a little tired.
Oh, I didn't get much sleep last night.
I started watching Suzanne Somers' "QVC Slumber Party.
" See, she wears pajamas and she makes everybody waffles.
And she had this one woman from Virginia named Tammy Lynn who said the funniest thing- You do realize you put in too many details when you lie? I know.
Damn it! Why can't I stop? Hilda.
You went out with Santos.
I heard you climb the drainpipe.
Did he at least walk you to it and give you a boost? Okay, so I was with Santos.
So what? I'm not a kid anymore.
I can do what I want.
That's your problem, mija.
You never think things through.
You never let up! God, I hate this house! I'm so out of here when I'm 40! You got I.
D.
? Oh, hello.
You are the man from the office.
Hi.
Can I get an onion bagel? Lightly toasted, with a dollop of cream cheese- not a smidge, not a smear, but a dollop.
He's very specific.
Don't you understand? I- I have to work.
What are you waiting for? Hurry up.
Slap it on.
I gotta get out of here.
Betty.
Hi.
We didn't see you.
Hi.
Sorry for the sad face.
We're fighting.
You don't have to tell everyone we meet we're fighting.
It's just Betty.
Oh, oh, Betty, if you moved halfway across the country to be with the person you loved, wouldn't you want him to come home from the office at a normal time every once in a while, hmm? Oh, and Betty, what would you do if you had a girlfriend who relied on you for absolutely everything? Um, I don't know.
I'm still trying to figure out, why does an onion bagel cost more than a raisin bagel? I gotta go.
Bye.
Oh.
It's you.
Uh look can we please talk because I am really, really sorry.
You know what? I need to get this to Daniel.
I'm gonna take the stairs.
Hmm? No, I don't think so.
Betty! Listen, about earlier- Betty! I really need to explain.
Betty! You can't just stop speaking to me.
- Betty! - Betty! - Betty! - Betty! - There she is! - Betty! - Oh, get her! - I can smell her.
Stop! I'm sick.
I'm going home.
Well, well, well.
Look who decided to make a surprise appearance.
Well, this is an editorial meeting.
I am editor-in-chief.
Why wouldn't I be here? No open bar, to start with.
Well, I think I just saved next month's issue.
Meet your new cover girl.
Bam! Bam? I can't believe I was ever a guy.
Daniel, this girl's biggest credit is a toothpaste ad in the Ukraine.
You want me to bump Scarlett Johansson for her? Scarlet Johansson? Tired.
Oh, I get it.
You got this chick in bed by offering her the cover.
Forget it.
It's been set for weeks.
I control half this magazine.
I want her on the cover.
And I control the half that actually does the work, and I'm saying no freaking way.
I know this is a little uncomfortable, but rinsing the hair with cold water closes the cuticles and smoothes the hair.
Hey, Hilda.
Hey.
Hey, aunt Betty.
Why aren't you in school? I agreed to let him skip gym if he agreed to be my hair model.
She made me do a couple push-ups.
Why aren't you at work? Well, I tried.
But I-I couldn't suck it up.
It was just really hard.
I don't know.
Maybe I should just quit.
Justin, go towel off.
You, sit.
They say that 50% of this job is listening, and you are in desperate need of hairapy.
Ms.
Slater - Do I know you? - Uh, no.
Then stop talking to me.
- I guess my meeting is canceled.
- Don't take it personally.
She once made Dolce wait for three hours and Gabbana for five.
She hates Gabbana.
She never forgave him for something that she can't remember.
Marc! Bulgy.
Well it was great while it lasted.
See ya.
Hey, wait.
I actually feel bad for you.
And I never feel bad for anyone.
Here.
You can have tuesday at 10:00.
Lindsay'll be back in rehab by then, anyway.
I don't know how to thank you.
Wait, I do.
Here-for you.
Only that would do this justice, anyway.
Mm, you are so right.
Oh, if I were a gay guy, I would so tap that.
Girls, smile! My concept is about sun and fun.
This is no about global warming.
It's about tan lines.
Okay? Listen.
Yeah.
So which one's the creative director from "Mode Brazil"? Oh, my god.
When I die, have me cremated and sprinkled all over his body.
Messages, please.
Your lunch with Donna is canceled.
Liz from Comme Des Garçons needs to talk to you ASAP.
And, uh, oh, ta-da! Here you go.
He won't even be able to keep the remote up tonight.
What'd you replace them with? It's better if you don't know.
I'm just kidding.
It's mints.
Oh, my god.
When I die, I wanna be cremated and spri- Already did it.
Amanda, where did you get that jacket? A new up-and-coming designer-Tavares.
No last name, 'cause he's that good.
Well, the buttons totally ruin the line, but besides that, I don't hate it.
Why don't I know about him? Oh, um, well, he he- I think he's in your book for tuesday.
Good work, Marc.
Yeah, Marc.
Good work.
That is wrong wrong.
Take five.
Uh, touch-ups? Why don't you go and ask someone what global warming is? I think your models are depressed.
Everyone in New York is depressed.
In my country, a woman buries her husband, throws on a bikini and goes to the beach.
But a black bikini, because she still has to mourn.
Yeah, of course.
Rodrigo Veloso, creative director of "Mode Brazil" - Alexis- - Meade.
I always know the name of the most beautiful woman in the room.
I mean, clearly, they're not my friends.
Maybe I should just start over, find new people who won't let me down.
What is that? That's my wise hairdresser's nod.
They say you gotta do it, even if you're not listening.
I was, I was.
Calm down.
And you know what I think? You're too hard on your friends.
- Are you kidding me? - You are! - You always have been.
- You are, aunt Betty.
You guys don't know what you're talking about.
I'm out of here.
Okay.
Well, I have two words for you- Trina Dipaolo.
Mr.
Meade.
Uh, Daniel? If you're looking for Betty, she's not here.
Yeah, I know.
It's not- It's just about the $75,000 check I cut for you.
It's kind of a big "miscellaneous expense," so if you could just tell me what it's for.
Henry, you don't have to hide it.
You can have the check back.
I'm not gonna need it in prison.
I can't believe you would even say that name to me.
Who's Trina Dipaolo? Betty's best friend in high school, until she ended it.
No.
Trina is the one who ended it, when she ruined our anti-prom.
What's an anti-prom? It was our celebration of how much we hated the prom.
I loved my prom.
And nine months later, I had a wonderful reminder of it.
Trina and I planned our anti-prom for months.
We knew no boys were gonna ask us, so we stayed home and we ate cookie dough and we rented "Carrie" Classic girl rage.
Okay, do you wanna hear what happened or not? So we were sitting on the couch watching "Carrie.
" Okay, can I look? Can I look? Oh, my god.
You two losers are actually doing this? Yeah, the gym teacher just got cut in half.
You can look now.
- Trina! - Move over.
- It's not funny.
- Move.
Oh, my god.
John Travolta was hot.
What happened? And then Trina got a phone call, and it turned into one of the worst nights of my life.
You're leaving me to go to the prom? Betty, it's Sam Pappas.
I've had a crush on him since he put gum in my hair.
His date got chicken pox, and he has no one else to go with.
It's a prom night miracle.
But we made a pact in yearbook committee.
This is our anti-prom You're sad and pathetic and will never have a boyfriend.
Traitor.
Pig's blood? Okay, I was there, and that is not what happened at all.
Listen, we made a pact in yearbook committee.
This is our anti-prom! I know.
And I know it's sad and pathetic, but this is the closest I'll ever get to having a boyfriend.
Just go, you traitor.
Please understand.
Betty- Okay, maybe I embellished a little.
But it may as well have been pig's blood.
That's what it felt like.
Aunt Betty, you are so theater.
Betty, she called you for days, and you never returned her phone calls.
You just totally shut her out because she made one mistake.
Well, it was a big one.
Yeah? Was it worth it? How was the rest of your school year? Who'd you eat lunch with? - The lunch ladies.
- Was it Eleanor? She is such a gossip.
Okay, hairapist, what would you have done? I would've told Trina how that made me feel, and that is what you should be doing with Daniel and Christina.
- It's too hard.
- Why, Betty? Because you don't want them to see how hurt you are? Because you're afraid that you're gonna lose them? Haven't you already? I thought you said jobs were just about paychecks.
Obviously not for you.
Wow.
I've never known anyone who's been blackmailed before.
It's so "All my children" which I used to watch with my mother, and I don't know why I just said that.
Look, I'm sorry I dumped all this on you.
I guess I needed to talk to someone.
There aren't that many people here to do that with.
Yeah, I miss Betty, too.
Well, she warned me about screwing up.
I know I was drunk, but I never thought Petra could be underage.
Well, it sounds like you were set up.
That doesn't change anything.
Maybe I should face the consequences.
No, you have to get Alexis to put Petra on the cover.
Look, I tried that.
Well, if you-if you tell her what's going on, then she'll do it.
Uh, yeah.
You don't know Alexis.
She is family.
It has to count for something.
Oh, and Wilhelmina flipped for the jacket you gave me.
How much do you love me? Hmm it's Matt Damon, and then you.
Oh, one thing- she hated those buttons.
If you've got them on anything else, burn them.
Really? Yeah, and now that I think about it, you might wanna take the sequins off that black cocktail.
Sequins remind her of the bad times at 54.
What about the capris? How does she feel about tortoise shell? Okay, okay, okay.
Mucho, mucho big favor.
Could you please come to my studio tonight and tell me what Ms.
Slater will love and what she will hate? Please.
This is such a big opportunity for me.
Well, if fashion duty calls and I do love free clothes.
There will be free clothes, right? Plenty.
After the shoot, perhaps you will join me for dinner? There's this little restaurant I know, and I would love to take you there.
I'm afraid I have a lot of work to do.
But thank you for the invitation.
I'll keep myself available in case you change your mind.
I see you've met Rodrigo.
Quite a specimen, isn't he? I guess.
He asked me out to dinner.
And you said? - No.
- Alexis, why? Because it's dinner, and that means sex.
I know that.
I used to be a guy.
And what's wrong with sex? Well, I haven't- it's- I haven't exac- Ever since I- I haven't Taken the new car out for a test drive? That's one way to put it.
Oh, Alexis.
What are you waiting for? Sooner or later, someone's gonna have to put the key in the ignition.
Alexis, I am being blackmailed by the girl's mother.
Either we put Petra on the cover, or they'll go to the police.
My total lack of surprise- is it real or is it botox? I need your help, Alexis.
This is not funny! Yeah, it is, because you're the one our father trusts.
Just this morning, he offered me $10 million to resign and leave you in charge of "Mode.
" Look, I didn't know that.
But you can't hold this against me.
Sorry, Danny, but you just became a little pawn in this game.
You want miss Teen Kazakhstan on the cover? You're gonna be the one to resign.
So, what, you'd screw me over just to piss off dad? Yep.
You have a cold heart, Alexis.
Had it installed with the other upgrades.
Here you go, Santos.
Have a bite.
You first.
What are you being so suspicious for? Can't a man have a meal with his daughter's What exactly are you two? We're dating.
Is that why you called me over? I wanna have a little chat.
Let me take you back in time.
Yeah, sure.
Knicks lost in the play-offs.
Braves won the series.
"Sunset Boulevard" won the Tony for best musical.
Yeah.
Justin made me a Broadway-a-day calendar.
That was also the year when my daughter spent a month crying in her bedroom because she was pregnant and you walked out on her.
Look, man, are we gonna do this again? and I still gotta prove to you- You don't have to prove anything to me, Santos.
I don't care enough about you.
But for some reason, my daughter and my grandson do.
Look, you walked away once.
We both know you're gonna walk away again.
So do it now, before anyone starts dreaming about a future that's never going to happen.
My assistant said you were looking for me.
Yes.
I've been thinking about your offer for dinner tonight, and now I'm thinking yes! Excellent.
But there's something we should talk about first.
I don't know how this is possible, but I guess you don't know That you used to be a man? That made it to Brazil? You're international, Alexis Meade like the House of Pancakes.
It's nice to see you laugh.
You have so much sadness in your eyes.
I don't care about who you were.
I want to know who you are now.
See you around 8:00.
Christina? Hello? "Christina, we must talk.
" Okay, that's too scary.
What do I say? God, I want an ice cream sundae.
Chocolate sauce? No, hot fudge.
Nuts? No nuts? Yeah, go for the nuts.
Why not? Okay, uh, focus.
"Christina, can we please talk?" Betty! Henry.
Hi.
I put your paycheck in your desk.
Are you feeling better? I didn't think you'd be back.
Uh, I kind of felt I had to.
So you heard about Daniel? What? No.
What do you mean? Betty, what are you doing? You and me have a lot to talk about.
But first, us.
I shouldn't have shut you out.
That was wrong of me.
But you were more wrong.
You really hurt me at that club.
I know.
I am sorry.
I messed up.
I didn't mean those things I said.
Good.
Because when you hired me, you got more than an assistant.
You got a friend.
And it's just who I am, Daniel.
If you screw up, I'm gonna tell you, whether you like it or not.
I know.
I need that.
I need you, Betty.
So are we okay? Of course we are.
What the hell were you thinking?! I was thinking she was a lot older.
I swear.
I had no idea.
Okay, I believe you.
I believe you.
But what are we-16! I know.
I-I know.
Okay.
How do we fix this? There's only one option.
I have to resign.
Alexis is gonna be running this magazine from now on.
Ah, yes.
Pink silk? Petal, yes.
Fuchsia, no.
Amanda, I love you.
You are totally saving my behind.
More like an a-plus-hind.
Oh, can I please, please, please try this on? Please! Sure.
Dressing room's down the hall.
Oh, like you care, Nancy.
So anyway, we should totally do lunch on tuesday after your meeting at Balthazar.
We can celebrate with oysters and champagne.
How does that sound? Oh, my god.
Is that-do you have a- Are you thinking about Matt Damon right now? I have a little confession to make.
You going out with Santos again? Yeah.
Is he late? A few minutes, but he'll be here.
He's gonna honk twice.
Classy.
You know what? Maybe I'll wait outside for him.
Hilda, maybe he's not coming.
Will you stop it? Mija, this is Santos.
I just don't want you disappointed if- Hi.
What are you doing here? Why didn't you honk? We don't need to sneak around anymore.
What? What are you doing? What I should have done when "Sunset Boulevard" won the Tony.
I love you, Hilda and I want you to be my wife.
This better be important.
Tyra's about to kill off four top models.
Okay, honey.
We need to talk.
I just have to show you something, so sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
Ooh! Half-karat, emerald-cut.
It's beautiful.
Took dad long enough.
- You mean you knew? - Oh, come on, mom.
Every morning you smell like Paco Rabanne.
So what'd you say? Did you say yes? I didn't say anything yet.
I wanted to talk to you first.
Why? Because this is about us.
It's been you and me for a long time, kid.
This is your decision, too.
No, mom.
It's not.
In a few years, I'm gonna be out of this house.
So if you wanna marry dad, don't do it for me.
Do it cause you love him.
I love you.
Before I sign this, I have one condition.
You're not really in much of a position to bargain, Daniel.
Look, I've given you everything you want.
Just make sure Betty has a job here.
I can't believe Alexis is doing this to Daniel.
They're family.
Even Erica Kane forgave her daughter Kendall when she slept with her fourth husband.
"All my children.
" It's just something I know.
What are you two doing here? Oh, they wanted to do test shots for Petra's cover next month.
Oh, well, you must be so proud of how you got this for your daughter.
Maybe we should put you on the cover of our mother's day issue.
One cover girl in the family is enough.
Excuse me.
There's no smoking in here.
You got I.
D.
? Oh, my god! What are you doing? Daniel, stop! You don't have to do this.
She's not 16.
Give me back that purse! Actually, she's 38.
And I thought my work was good.
That's Lena.
- No! No, no, no! - Betty! - She's 20! - Yes! I told you not to carry it in your purse! Idiot! Shut up, Lena! I can't believe this was a scam.
You almost ruined my life.
I guess I'm not going anywhere.
Unbelievable.
You should ask for a raise.
Henry! Can you believe it? We saved the day! I am totally Wonder Woman! And I snatched a purse! I'm kind of a bad ass.
You are! I missed you.
I missed you, too.
So did I turn you straight? 'Cause I have turned some guys- just mostly the other way.
No.
Um, I'm-I'm straight just, uh, in the closet.
Oh, wow.
The straight closet.
So what's hanging in there? A lot of flannel? It's the fashion business.
That's the only way I could get my foot in the door.
No one will even look at a straight guy's portfolio.
You know, this is just like the time I pretended to be a lesbian to get Kay Schmidt to do my math homework in junior high.
Don't you judge me, you big faux-mo.
I wish there was a way we could make this work.
Well, who says we can't? When we're in public, I could be part of your entourage.
And when we're alone, you're straight, and I'm naked.
You're really up for this? Please.
Great sex and free clothes? There will be free clothes, right? Plenty.
I had a really bad day.
Any chance we could skip dinner? Do you need a condom? I've got one in my wallet? This is your first time as a girl, isn't it? It's just too scary for me right now.
I know you're here and everything, but I just can't have my heart broken again.
So you're gonna break my heart? Baby, why do we have to rush into everything? We're not kids anymore.
I just-I wanna make sure that we are doing this for the right reasons.
The reason I proposed to you is because I love you, Hilda.
Can you honestly look at me right now and tell me that you don't love me? I love you.
I do.
I love you.
Santos! Santos! Hilda.
Thank god.
Wow.
That was worth becoming a woman for.
Why did I have to meet you only days before I go back to Brazil? I wish I could go with you.
Why don't you? Yeah, right.
I'm serious.
Why don't you come back to Brazil with me? After what you told me about your family, what's keeping you here? It's crazy, isn't it? I have a beautiful place in Leblon, right on the beach.
You can come for a week a month Careful what you ask for.
I may never wanna come back.
Betty! I think we deserve some champagne.
Oh, wait.
How old are you? What, it's too soon? You really think this is something we should be celebrating? Oh, I don't know.
Let's see I could've gone to jail.
I'm not.
I could've lost the magazine.
I didn't.
Yeah, I think it's time to party.
Daniel Do me a favor.
I'd like you to call those girls I met at Trump's party.
See if they wanna hook up later tonight.
See, I'm officially celebrating the end of Petra-gate.
Are you kidding? What? They're old.
They're, like, 20 something.
Okay, as your friend, I think I should tell you, I think you have a problem.
You sleep with women to distract yourself from what's going on in your life.
You're using them like a drug.
- Come on.
- No, I'm serious, Daniel.
I did some research on the internet, and I really think you need professional help.
Betty, really, I appreciate your concern, but we can talk about this in the morning.
- Daniel - Tomorrow.
I promise.
First thing.
Maybe I should have told you all of this before, but I couldn't.
Do you understand how hurt I am? Yeah.
I do.
Still don't quite see how "Carrie" and the prom fit in, but I'm glad we've talked.
And I can't say this enough, Betty.
I am so sorry.
I know.
I know.
So how deep into this whole Wilhelmina thing are you? Oh, just enough to hate myself a little bit every day, but it stops now.
Tomorrow morning, I'm gonna tell her to piss off.
Christina just don't do anything that's gonna get you in trouble.
I have to do something.
Maybe I could get some information that would help you and Daniel.
She's always yakking away in front of me.
Do you know she makes her cleaning lady use the bathroom at the Korean market? Yeah.
Okay.
I think I've had enough intrigue for one day.
I'm gonna get out of here.
Do you wanna maybe grab a bite to eat? Or go for a sundae? You wrote it on a post-it twice.
Not tonight.
But soon? Okay.
Good work.
I'm very pleased.
The rest of the money will come when the job is done.
Along with a promotion to editor-in-chief of "Mode Brazil.
" You get her out of the country, and you'll have everything you ever wanted.
It's only a matter of time.
She's already hooked.
You're a genius.
Having Rodrigo lure Alexis out of the country was a brilliant idea.
Well, I knew the bribe would never work with Alexis.
She's lonely.
Little orphan tranny needs a man.
How did I go this long without you? Oh, I was asking myself the same thing.
We are the perfect team, Bradford.
It's like we were destined to be together.
Willie, what we have is wonderful, but I need to tell you the same thing I told Fey- I'm never gonna divorce Claire.
Of course.
We're just, um, having fun.
So let's have some fun.
Oh you took one of your pills? With you I don't think I'll ever need to take one again.
Come here, my evil minx.
Oh, my god! - This is so amazing! - I know.
I'm gonna bring home every wedding issue of "Mode," and then you can pick your favorite dress, and we'll go to the Bride Queen and get a total knock-off.
Okay, but I wanna show cleavage.
Oh, that's a new look for you.
Oh, my god.
I gotta get to work.
Oh, and I'm gonna be late tonight.
I'm gonna have dinner with Trina.
Yes, I called her.
And it's great that she went to the prom.
You know she ended up marrying Sam Pappas? Ow.
No way.
They make choke collars for dogs.
They're very happy.
Morning.
Morning, papi.
Are you okay? I just had a talk with my new lawyer.
What's wrong? They're sending me back to Mexico.