A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e21 Episode Script
PerformANTS
I love when they serve grilled cheese sandwiches.
It's so much better than yesterday's angel hair pasta.
Yeah, I wish Angel would wear a hair net.
Well, at least you can't mess up a grilled cheese sandwich.
Don't be so sure.
Mine's not grilled, there's no cheese on it, and it's not bread.
It's just two dry sponges.
I'm going to complain to Angel.
Uh, Lexi? You have a cleaver in your head.
I'm surprised you didn't notice, given how much you look in the mirror.
It's not real.
I'm a Cleaver Head.
A fan of the band Blood Butcher.
You little kids don't know who they are.
Please.
I know all about Blood Butcher.
They're a band.
Their fans are called Cleaver Heads.
Little kids don't know who they are.
Oh, so I guess I'll see you at their concert Friday night at Toxic Wasteland.
Oh, you'll see us at Toxic Wasteland! We practically live at Toxic Wasteland! So, what is Toxic Wasteland? It's that scary Goth store downtown! Why would you tell her we're going there? To fit in! Don't you want to fit in? No! If I wanted to fit in, do you really think I'd eat lunch with Angus? Yeah! I'll go to the concert with you, Chyna.
Toxic Wasteland is right next door to Fat Leganzo's Pizzeria.
One of their pizza toppings is smaller pizzas! Well, Angel gave me another sandwich.
It pays to speak up.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Hey, Lexi, you're into Blood Butcher, right? Big time.
Hardcore Goth-death-punk is my third favorite type of music.
Right after pop-country and Armenian reggae.
Well, would you told youssed if I I scored two tickets to their concert? No.
All you did was and hit print.
puter.
Those tickets were free.
No, they weren't.
My dad charges me to use the printer.
You know what I really want? To get backstage and meet the band.
I can do that.
You? How? There are two things I'm good at.
Getting people backstage to meet bands, and making promises I can't keep.
But if I get you backstage, do something for me.
And I think you know what I want.
Fine.
I'll let you in the cafeteriatable every Wednesday for a week.
Every Wednesday for a week? Sweet! Your mom's never going to let you see a band called Blood Butcher.
She's ridiculously over-protective.
No, she's not.
All right.
Let.
What? There are earthquakes in San Francisco.
Let's just check out their website.
Maybe Blood Butcher isn't as scary as they sound.
That's just the pop-up ad for shampoo.
I know, but it popped up so suddenly.
The name of their new single sounds innocent enough.
It's called Sundays With Grandma.
Punch, punch, punch, punch Grandma in the neck! I said punch, punch punch Grandma Get Grandma Get Grandma Punch Grandma Get Grandma I love Sundays with Grandma Man! I guess Grandma's lucky they only visit once a week.
What was that horrible sound? Oh! Oh, that? That was just Angus doing a sit-up.
Show her, Angus.
Anyway, Mom, I was wondering if I could see a concert Friday night? What's the name of the band? Oh, uh, they're called The Happy Fuzzy Friends! They sound like a little kids' band.
Yeah, they sound like a little kids' band.
They are! But they're really good.
You should check out their website.
Okay, I'll go do that right now.
Okay, you do that.
Bye.
See you later.
Love you.
Why would you say they're a little kids' band? And why would you say they have a website? What kind of band wouldn't have a website? A band that doesn't exist! Angus! Could you please kill the power before she gets to her computer? Sure.
Good.
I meant in the house, not in the entire world.
I'm not a mind reader.
Come on, we got to get the Happy Fuzzy Friends website up before my mom gets home from work and goes online! Don't rush me! These things can't be done with just the push of a button! Okay, done.
All right, I drew a picture of the Happy Fuzzy Friends to upload.
Here's Sharkelope, Turtleurkey, Porcupotamus, and Octopanda.
Octopanda? Where did that come from? Well, Olive, when an octopus and a panda decide to start a family, they're visited by the storknausaraus.
So, Angus, you scan this in and I'll record a song sample.
Okay.
Sometimes it really seems like a drag And when your mom tells you she sounds like a nag But you gotta wear pants in public It's something you just gotta do At home it might be fun To take them off and run But you gotta wear pants in public Good song.
And a good message, Angus.
Hey, you asked for a website.
Now, you want it fast or do you want it with pants? Excuse me, do you know where I can find the manager? If I knew that, don't you think I'd tell the cops and get the reward? I'm the assistant manager.
The name's Sunshine.
Seriously? I was wondering if I could get a couple of backstage passes to the Blood Butcher concert? Forget it.
The backstage area is our storeroom.
And the place I go to meditate on my relationship with Cthulhu, Dark Lord of the Underworld! Sunshine? You don't have, like, a middle name you could go by? Look, the backstage is employees only.
So, if we're done here, I have to go pierce the nose of a lost, middle aged divorcee who thinks a metal stud is going to fill that empty void.
Sunshine! Coming, Mom! Relax! Good news.
The power's up and we are able to go online again.
Oh.
Didn't notice.
Seems like you grownups are obsessed, almost hypnotized, by the world wide web.
I checked out the Happy Fuzzy Friends website and they seem perfectly harmless.
So can I go to the concert? Yup, and I'm coming with you! What? What? Awesome! Girls' night out! No, no, no, no.
Mom, you can't go! That's the night of your yoga class.
I don't take yoga.
Well, you should.
You seem really tense.
I'm a birthday party entertainer.
I need to know what the kids are into these days.
You gotta wear pants in public It's something something something pants What are we going to do? The Happy Fuzzy Friends aren't real.
Calm down, Chyna.
That wasn't me.
Ooh, ooh This is a disaster.
My mom's going to find out I lied about the Happy Fuzzy Friends.
She'll ground me forever! Unless the Happy Fuzzy Friends actually perform.
Come on, where are we going to find an octopanda? Easy! We get an octopus, we get a panda, put on a little romantic music and wait for nature to take its course.
Use your head, Fletcher.
The concert's tonight.
The gestation period of an ursine-cephalopod hybrid would be at least six months.
We could perform ourselves! I'll record the music and you guys pretend to play the instruments.
All we have to do is make costumes.
I got a panda suit.
Why do you have a panda suit? I won it in a sit-up contest.
I told you.
Backstage passes are for employees only.
Oh, I'm not here about that.
I'm here to apply for employment.
You're looking for a tattoo artist.
Do you have any experience? Well, I kissed a girl once at summer camp.
I meant as a tattoo artist.
Oh.
In that case, I was lying about summer camp.
But I have worked as a tattoo artist at a lot of places.
Like where? Um, Tater Tats, Tat Burger, Tatz's Deli, Jar Jar Inks.
Okay, you're hired.
All right! Maybe I'll start tomorrow.
I'll just hang out here tonight and check out the storeroom.
You know, see where you keep your tattoo machine.
Not so fast.
I need you to work a shift now.
In fact, here's your first customer.
He wants a tattoo on his back.
Shouldn't he take off that sweater, too? That's not a sweater.
Where's Chyna? We can't perform without our lead singer.
She's going solo already? She's nothing without us! Hey, guys.
Oh.
Well, look who came crawling back.
The Happy Fuzzy Friends are playing at this place? Why do all these kids have cleavers in their heads? Oh! Yeah, well, that's That's just because the Happy Fuzzy Friends have this song, and it's called.
Don't Play in the Knife Drawer.
Check this out.
If you play in the knife drawer Something bad will happen Best way to explain Is to do a little rappin' My mom warned me but I didn't believe her When she told me not to play with a cleaver Playin' with knives is really pathetic You could end up needing a paramedic Holla! Man, every one of their songs is good.
This is cute.
I'm going to buy it for your Nana.
It says, "Sundays With Grandma!" Oh, this is good.
You like it? Yeah.
Excellent! Okay, let's do this.
Olive, did you bring the costumes? Check.
Angus, did you bring the instruments? Check.
Fletcher, did you call Blood Butcher's people and tell them the gig was canceled? Check.
Fletcher, that's Blood Butcher! You just said check! Yeah, I meant I need to check my to-do list, and I did not do it.
We cannot let Blood Butcher get on that stage.
Don't worry.
You and Fletcher just get our costumes ready.
What are you two going to do? Yeah, what are we two going to do? Go shopping.
Hey, guys.
I'm the manager, Rainbow.
And I'm the assistant manager, Lollipops.
I'm afraid we have some bad news.
And not the good kind of bad news like an impending apocalypse.
I was really hoping the first time I shaved, it would be my face.
Okay, it's tattoo time.
What would you like? May I suggest something simple and tasteful, like The moon.
Or The sun.
Or if you're feeling adventurous, a circle.
Or a Tyrannosaurus Rex surfing on a sea of blood and in its tiny little arms, a rose.
Could he be standing behind the moon? Ooh, scented candles.
Ugh, this smells like death.
What scent is this? "Death.
" And they also have "Vanilla death.
" Nice! How did you get Blood Butcher to leave? We just told them there's been a change of venue.
Let's see how Punch Grandma in the Neck plays at the Golden Acres Retirement Home.
All right, Happy Fuzzy Friends, let's suit up.
Yeah.
Finally things are back on track.
Yeah, I don't think so! Look at these backstage snacks! I specifically requested macaroons.
Where are my blasted macaroons? Excuse me.
I'm looking for a guy that's not very smart, really desperate, and about yay high.
Why? You're blonde and pretty.
You could do better than that.
By the way, I hate you because you're blonde and pretty.
Aww, that's so sweet! Hello, San Francisco! Put your hands together for the Happy Fuzzy Friends! Five, six, seven, eight! When you're doing crafts with art supplies Don't run with scissors it's not too wise You could stab your chest your arms, your thighs You could lose one or even both your eyes Don't stick your hands together with glue Wow, they're dark.
You need your left hand and your right hand, too Glue is good for wood or tin But it's really, really bad for human skin Chyna? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I can't find my daughter.
And I can't find any meaning in my life.
Cameron, there you are! I thought you were going to take me backstage.
What are you doing? Uh, just finishing up this guy's tattoo.
What is that? A Tyrannosaurus Rex surfing on a sea of blood, and in its tiny little arms, a rose? Yep.
CHYNThis next song is from our new album, which is already sold out so don't look for it.
Five, six, seven, eight! In the soapy sudsy bath You can wash your face and hair You can wash your back, your elbows You can wash your derriere Between your toes behind your ears Are places you should scrub But the one thing you should never do Is go potty in the tub Don't go potty in the tub, tub, tub That's not what you do when you rub-a-dub-dub You can play with a boat or a sub, sub, sub Just don't go potty in the tub, tub, tub Chyna? Chyna, what is going on? Cameron's working as a tattoo artist! Who's Cameron, man? I'm very disappointed in you, young lady.
And Cameron, I'm glad you have a job, but a tattoo artist? And Dennis.
A tattoo? Those things are permanent! Can somebody help me? I can't get this head off.
Cthulhu? Dark Lord of the Underworld.
I am your servant.
Why, yes! I am Cat Hula-hoop.
I command you to get me a macaroon.
Cat Hula-hoop wants macaroons! Yes, my Lord.
Yes! I can't believe I'm getting a guitar lesson from Turtleurkey! Okay, I got you backstage.
Now you have to live up to your end of the bargain.
Don't worry, I will.
Oh, yeah! The cool table.
That's right.
Cameron Parks is at the cool table.
Look at all those cool kids sitting at the un-cool table.
Okay, got to act cool since I'm at the cool table.
Cool table.
Cool.
It's so much better than yesterday's angel hair pasta.
Yeah, I wish Angel would wear a hair net.
Well, at least you can't mess up a grilled cheese sandwich.
Don't be so sure.
Mine's not grilled, there's no cheese on it, and it's not bread.
It's just two dry sponges.
I'm going to complain to Angel.
Uh, Lexi? You have a cleaver in your head.
I'm surprised you didn't notice, given how much you look in the mirror.
It's not real.
I'm a Cleaver Head.
A fan of the band Blood Butcher.
You little kids don't know who they are.
Please.
I know all about Blood Butcher.
They're a band.
Their fans are called Cleaver Heads.
Little kids don't know who they are.
Oh, so I guess I'll see you at their concert Friday night at Toxic Wasteland.
Oh, you'll see us at Toxic Wasteland! We practically live at Toxic Wasteland! So, what is Toxic Wasteland? It's that scary Goth store downtown! Why would you tell her we're going there? To fit in! Don't you want to fit in? No! If I wanted to fit in, do you really think I'd eat lunch with Angus? Yeah! I'll go to the concert with you, Chyna.
Toxic Wasteland is right next door to Fat Leganzo's Pizzeria.
One of their pizza toppings is smaller pizzas! Well, Angel gave me another sandwich.
It pays to speak up.
Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Ooh, ooh Doo, doo Whoo! Everybody's got that thing Something different we all bring Don't you let 'em clip your wings You got it You got it We're on fire and we blaze In extraordinary ways 365 days We got it We got it You can dream it You can be it If you can feel it You can believe it 'Cause I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Yeah, I am, you are, we are Exceptional Exceptional Ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh Whoo! Hey, Lexi, you're into Blood Butcher, right? Big time.
Hardcore Goth-death-punk is my third favorite type of music.
Right after pop-country and Armenian reggae.
Well, would you told youssed if I I scored two tickets to their concert? No.
All you did was and hit print.
puter.
Those tickets were free.
No, they weren't.
My dad charges me to use the printer.
You know what I really want? To get backstage and meet the band.
I can do that.
You? How? There are two things I'm good at.
Getting people backstage to meet bands, and making promises I can't keep.
But if I get you backstage, do something for me.
And I think you know what I want.
Fine.
I'll let you in the cafeteriatable every Wednesday for a week.
Every Wednesday for a week? Sweet! Your mom's never going to let you see a band called Blood Butcher.
She's ridiculously over-protective.
No, she's not.
All right.
Let.
What? There are earthquakes in San Francisco.
Let's just check out their website.
Maybe Blood Butcher isn't as scary as they sound.
That's just the pop-up ad for shampoo.
I know, but it popped up so suddenly.
The name of their new single sounds innocent enough.
It's called Sundays With Grandma.
Punch, punch, punch, punch Grandma in the neck! I said punch, punch punch Grandma Get Grandma Get Grandma Punch Grandma Get Grandma I love Sundays with Grandma Man! I guess Grandma's lucky they only visit once a week.
What was that horrible sound? Oh! Oh, that? That was just Angus doing a sit-up.
Show her, Angus.
Anyway, Mom, I was wondering if I could see a concert Friday night? What's the name of the band? Oh, uh, they're called The Happy Fuzzy Friends! They sound like a little kids' band.
Yeah, they sound like a little kids' band.
They are! But they're really good.
You should check out their website.
Okay, I'll go do that right now.
Okay, you do that.
Bye.
See you later.
Love you.
Why would you say they're a little kids' band? And why would you say they have a website? What kind of band wouldn't have a website? A band that doesn't exist! Angus! Could you please kill the power before she gets to her computer? Sure.
Good.
I meant in the house, not in the entire world.
I'm not a mind reader.
Come on, we got to get the Happy Fuzzy Friends website up before my mom gets home from work and goes online! Don't rush me! These things can't be done with just the push of a button! Okay, done.
All right, I drew a picture of the Happy Fuzzy Friends to upload.
Here's Sharkelope, Turtleurkey, Porcupotamus, and Octopanda.
Octopanda? Where did that come from? Well, Olive, when an octopus and a panda decide to start a family, they're visited by the storknausaraus.
So, Angus, you scan this in and I'll record a song sample.
Okay.
Sometimes it really seems like a drag And when your mom tells you she sounds like a nag But you gotta wear pants in public It's something you just gotta do At home it might be fun To take them off and run But you gotta wear pants in public Good song.
And a good message, Angus.
Hey, you asked for a website.
Now, you want it fast or do you want it with pants? Excuse me, do you know where I can find the manager? If I knew that, don't you think I'd tell the cops and get the reward? I'm the assistant manager.
The name's Sunshine.
Seriously? I was wondering if I could get a couple of backstage passes to the Blood Butcher concert? Forget it.
The backstage area is our storeroom.
And the place I go to meditate on my relationship with Cthulhu, Dark Lord of the Underworld! Sunshine? You don't have, like, a middle name you could go by? Look, the backstage is employees only.
So, if we're done here, I have to go pierce the nose of a lost, middle aged divorcee who thinks a metal stud is going to fill that empty void.
Sunshine! Coming, Mom! Relax! Good news.
The power's up and we are able to go online again.
Oh.
Didn't notice.
Seems like you grownups are obsessed, almost hypnotized, by the world wide web.
I checked out the Happy Fuzzy Friends website and they seem perfectly harmless.
So can I go to the concert? Yup, and I'm coming with you! What? What? Awesome! Girls' night out! No, no, no, no.
Mom, you can't go! That's the night of your yoga class.
I don't take yoga.
Well, you should.
You seem really tense.
I'm a birthday party entertainer.
I need to know what the kids are into these days.
You gotta wear pants in public It's something something something pants What are we going to do? The Happy Fuzzy Friends aren't real.
Calm down, Chyna.
That wasn't me.
Ooh, ooh This is a disaster.
My mom's going to find out I lied about the Happy Fuzzy Friends.
She'll ground me forever! Unless the Happy Fuzzy Friends actually perform.
Come on, where are we going to find an octopanda? Easy! We get an octopus, we get a panda, put on a little romantic music and wait for nature to take its course.
Use your head, Fletcher.
The concert's tonight.
The gestation period of an ursine-cephalopod hybrid would be at least six months.
We could perform ourselves! I'll record the music and you guys pretend to play the instruments.
All we have to do is make costumes.
I got a panda suit.
Why do you have a panda suit? I won it in a sit-up contest.
I told you.
Backstage passes are for employees only.
Oh, I'm not here about that.
I'm here to apply for employment.
You're looking for a tattoo artist.
Do you have any experience? Well, I kissed a girl once at summer camp.
I meant as a tattoo artist.
Oh.
In that case, I was lying about summer camp.
But I have worked as a tattoo artist at a lot of places.
Like where? Um, Tater Tats, Tat Burger, Tatz's Deli, Jar Jar Inks.
Okay, you're hired.
All right! Maybe I'll start tomorrow.
I'll just hang out here tonight and check out the storeroom.
You know, see where you keep your tattoo machine.
Not so fast.
I need you to work a shift now.
In fact, here's your first customer.
He wants a tattoo on his back.
Shouldn't he take off that sweater, too? That's not a sweater.
Where's Chyna? We can't perform without our lead singer.
She's going solo already? She's nothing without us! Hey, guys.
Oh.
Well, look who came crawling back.
The Happy Fuzzy Friends are playing at this place? Why do all these kids have cleavers in their heads? Oh! Yeah, well, that's That's just because the Happy Fuzzy Friends have this song, and it's called.
Don't Play in the Knife Drawer.
Check this out.
If you play in the knife drawer Something bad will happen Best way to explain Is to do a little rappin' My mom warned me but I didn't believe her When she told me not to play with a cleaver Playin' with knives is really pathetic You could end up needing a paramedic Holla! Man, every one of their songs is good.
This is cute.
I'm going to buy it for your Nana.
It says, "Sundays With Grandma!" Oh, this is good.
You like it? Yeah.
Excellent! Okay, let's do this.
Olive, did you bring the costumes? Check.
Angus, did you bring the instruments? Check.
Fletcher, did you call Blood Butcher's people and tell them the gig was canceled? Check.
Fletcher, that's Blood Butcher! You just said check! Yeah, I meant I need to check my to-do list, and I did not do it.
We cannot let Blood Butcher get on that stage.
Don't worry.
You and Fletcher just get our costumes ready.
What are you two going to do? Yeah, what are we two going to do? Go shopping.
Hey, guys.
I'm the manager, Rainbow.
And I'm the assistant manager, Lollipops.
I'm afraid we have some bad news.
And not the good kind of bad news like an impending apocalypse.
I was really hoping the first time I shaved, it would be my face.
Okay, it's tattoo time.
What would you like? May I suggest something simple and tasteful, like The moon.
Or The sun.
Or if you're feeling adventurous, a circle.
Or a Tyrannosaurus Rex surfing on a sea of blood and in its tiny little arms, a rose.
Could he be standing behind the moon? Ooh, scented candles.
Ugh, this smells like death.
What scent is this? "Death.
" And they also have "Vanilla death.
" Nice! How did you get Blood Butcher to leave? We just told them there's been a change of venue.
Let's see how Punch Grandma in the Neck plays at the Golden Acres Retirement Home.
All right, Happy Fuzzy Friends, let's suit up.
Yeah.
Finally things are back on track.
Yeah, I don't think so! Look at these backstage snacks! I specifically requested macaroons.
Where are my blasted macaroons? Excuse me.
I'm looking for a guy that's not very smart, really desperate, and about yay high.
Why? You're blonde and pretty.
You could do better than that.
By the way, I hate you because you're blonde and pretty.
Aww, that's so sweet! Hello, San Francisco! Put your hands together for the Happy Fuzzy Friends! Five, six, seven, eight! When you're doing crafts with art supplies Don't run with scissors it's not too wise You could stab your chest your arms, your thighs You could lose one or even both your eyes Don't stick your hands together with glue Wow, they're dark.
You need your left hand and your right hand, too Glue is good for wood or tin But it's really, really bad for human skin Chyna? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
I can't find my daughter.
And I can't find any meaning in my life.
Cameron, there you are! I thought you were going to take me backstage.
What are you doing? Uh, just finishing up this guy's tattoo.
What is that? A Tyrannosaurus Rex surfing on a sea of blood, and in its tiny little arms, a rose? Yep.
CHYNThis next song is from our new album, which is already sold out so don't look for it.
Five, six, seven, eight! In the soapy sudsy bath You can wash your face and hair You can wash your back, your elbows You can wash your derriere Between your toes behind your ears Are places you should scrub But the one thing you should never do Is go potty in the tub Don't go potty in the tub, tub, tub That's not what you do when you rub-a-dub-dub You can play with a boat or a sub, sub, sub Just don't go potty in the tub, tub, tub Chyna? Chyna, what is going on? Cameron's working as a tattoo artist! Who's Cameron, man? I'm very disappointed in you, young lady.
And Cameron, I'm glad you have a job, but a tattoo artist? And Dennis.
A tattoo? Those things are permanent! Can somebody help me? I can't get this head off.
Cthulhu? Dark Lord of the Underworld.
I am your servant.
Why, yes! I am Cat Hula-hoop.
I command you to get me a macaroon.
Cat Hula-hoop wants macaroons! Yes, my Lord.
Yes! I can't believe I'm getting a guitar lesson from Turtleurkey! Okay, I got you backstage.
Now you have to live up to your end of the bargain.
Don't worry, I will.
Oh, yeah! The cool table.
That's right.
Cameron Parks is at the cool table.
Look at all those cool kids sitting at the un-cool table.
Okay, got to act cool since I'm at the cool table.
Cool table.
Cool.