Big Nate (2022) s01e21 Episode Script

1
[alarm beeping]
[Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just
Want to Have Fun"]
♪
- Hah, ah, huh.
Oh, yeah.
Ah!
[panting]
- There's our little love bug!
- It's your birthday ♪
- Happy birthday!
[laughs]
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Don't peak too early, you guys.
I've got a big day
of partying planned.
I'm out of school
at 1:00 today,
so we've got time for all the
classic birthday activities
Ice cream
- Sorry, honey,
your father and I are off
to a couples retreat today.
- Yep, we'll be home late.
Enjoy your afternoon.
Just make sure you're home
by 3:00 to feed the fish.
[dramatic sting]
- No! No more food.
- And don't go in the basement.
It's infested with possums.
- Possibly homicidal possums.
- But but what about
my birthday party?
- This is it!
- Pancakes?
- Hey, now, these
aren't any old pancakes.
These are Chef Doug's
chocolate chip pancakes.
Except we're out
of chocolate chips.
So I used frozen peas.
[chuckles]
[crunching]
[groans]
Eat hearty.
- Great.
I'll just sit here alone
on my birthday.
[upbeat music]
- Don't wanna go
to school today ♪
The sun is red hot
and I wanna play ♪
But if I get caught
they'll make me pay ♪
Detention again ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Math and social studies
just ain't my thing ♪
- Big Nate, Big Nate ♪
- Rocking with my band
is where I'm king ♪
Stealing the teacher's teeth
or bailing on a test ♪
- Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh ♪
[crashing]
- Go low so Dee
Dee doesn't see us.
[both grunting]
- [groans, screams]
Ow.
- Looking magical already,
honey.
- Thanks, Mrs. Dee Dee's mom.
Hopefully the snacks are
as cheesy as the decor.
[gasp] Dry ice.
- Don't touch!
Those will burn your
fingerprints clear off.
- [laughs] Dope.
Are they party favors?
Because, you know,
having no fingerprints
could actually come in handy.
- [laughs] Nate, no.
I'm making my famous party
punch with a magical twist.
[plop]
[explosion booms]
- The dry ice was my idea.
- But shouldn't we, like, you
know, hire a DJ or something?
Like, you know, we could just
kick this party up a notch.
[beatboxing]
[laughs]
- Hey, don't you worry, son.
Dot and I will get
this shindig kicking.
All you need to do
is pick up a cake.
- Is 20 bucks enough to get
a really, like,
epic cake, though?
- [chuckles]
Work your magic, son.
- [sighs] OK, thanks.
- We'll see you kids at 2:30.
Make sure no one
spills the beans
about the party to Dee Dee.
Loose lips sink ships.
Don't make me sink
your ship, Nate.
- [whimpers]
Ugh, this party would be fine
for your basic kid.
But this is Dee Dee
we're talking about.
She'd want the
splashiest blowout ever,
full of drama, intrigue,
and spontaneous
Broadway musical reenactments.
Nate Wright is on the case.
- [groaning]
- Whoa.
Who pooped in your parachute?
- My own family doesn't
care about me anymore.
They're blowing
off my birthday
Me, their only daughter.
- Ah, don't worry.
You'll have another
birthday in, like, a year.
- [groans]
- All right, simmer down,
boys and girls.
We have a new student
joining us.
This is Amy.
- Mm [chuckles]
- So put a lid on your innate
hormones and insecurities,
and make her feel welcome.
- Welcome, Amy.
- Hi, Amy!
- [slowly] I'm Gina.
- Hi. I'm Am
- I'm the star pupil here.
If you need extra help,
just ask me.
[airhorn blares]
- Enough of the chit
and enough of the chat, class.
Sit down.
Today, we are going to
learn about the Titanic,
the majestic ship many
a misguided billionaire
idiot billed as unsinkable.
Being a Titanic survivor myself,
this subject is very
close to my heart.
[dramatic music]
[screaming]
Now, who can tell
me why boat captains
use S.O.S. as their
Morse code distress signal?
- Because it means
"save our ship."
- [imitates buzzer] Wrong.
- No, wait, I meant save our
- [imitates buzzer]
Wrong.
Now I'm just ashamed
to know you, Gina.
- They use it because
it's easy to transmit.
It doesn't stand for anything.
- [chuckles] It seems we have
a new star pupil.
- But but but but
- If you need extra help,
just ask me.
- [grumbles]
- [chuckles] Wow.
New girl, one.
[ding]
Gina, zero.
[fart]
[laughter]
[The Notorious B.I.G.'s
"Mo Money Mo Problems" playing]
- I'm coming out ♪
- Ooh. I'm starving.
[stomach growling]
I should've had some
Chef Doug pancakes myself.
I'll be right back, Dot.
I'll rustle us up some lunch.
Uh, Dot, the door's locked.
- Hmm, weird.
Just go out the storm doors
and around to the front.
- Huh?
- It's not opening!
- What are we gonna do?
- I'm too hungry
to think straight.
- Ahh!
- Ah!
[growling]
- [gasps]
Don't you dare eat
Dee Dee's party snacks.
- I eat when I'm stressed
and hungry,
and there are chips!
- Look, we've gotta
plan something
seriously awesome,
'cause Dee Dee always goes
all out for our birthdays.
- Whoa, are those
- The master keys to
every room at PS 38.
Happy birthday.
- Ohh!
- A Fart Master 7000
Fart Sound Effects machine?
And they said the perfect
gift didn't exist.
[farting]
- [gasps] You made me a slide
out of exotic critter jerky?
Best birthday ever.
[munching]
- I've got a perfect idea
for Dee Dee's birthday party.
We can rent out
hot air balloons.
No one rents them after
all the accidents.
- How about goat yoga?
It's all the rage.
- Are you guys
listening to yourselves?
Yoga goats cost money.
- Well, I got $20 in my pocket,
and a flagrant disregard
for financial responsibility.
So I think we'll come
up with something.
[together]
For Dee Dee!
- [humming]
- Ah! Dee Dee's coming.
- Save your appetites, guys.
'Cause it's my birthday,
and we're gonna party.
- Yeah, uh, sure, sure.
Uhh, we'll try.
- Oh, I probably gotta study.
[laughs]
- Yeah, I I've gotta help
a guy with a thing. [laughs]
- Wait. Why are you guys
flaking out on me?
This is a big, important day.
- Is it, though?
I mean, you know, sure,
it's Thursday.
And Thursday is by far
the best day
on the school lunch schedule.
- No, because it's my birthday.
I just told you that.
- Thursday is good,
but the best school
lunch day? Saturday.
- Chad, nobody's
here on Saturday.
- Exactly.
Got the kitchen all to myself!
Ah!
- Um
- Whatever, you guys.
Just meet me at Scoopsies
after school, OK?
- Scoopsies rhymes with panda.
- Uhh
- Wait
- What, Chad?
[laughter]
- [grumbling]
[whimpering]
- Hey, um, you OK there?
- Hey, your name is Amy, right?
Why are you eating lunch
out here all alone?
- I just needed to chill.
This school's weird.
This whole town's weird.
It's so small.
Everyone's up in each
other's cornflakes.
I just wanna go
back to New York,
where I can be more anonymous.
- You're from New York?
No way!
I'm dying to move there someday.
Not to be anonymous, though
To be a star.
[stomach growling]
- You hungry?
- Oh, thanks.
But I got to save room
for pizza and ice cream.
I'm having my birthday party
this afternoon, hopefully.
- It's your birthday?
Then you gotta have my cannoli.
[shimmering tone]
- Oh, what is it?
- You've never had a cannoli?
Maybe it's a New York thing.
[big band music]
- Mmm! Holy cannoli!
Did you have, like, a
zillion friends in New York?
- Yeah.
- [munching]
Ah, you must miss them.
Did you have a boyfriend there,
too?
- No, that's not how I roll.
[romantic music]
♪
- Would you wanna come
to my birthday party?
- Hah, this actually looks
pretty awesome for 20 bucks.
Who knew day-old cake
was a thing?
- Dee Dee's gonna love it.
'Tis dramatic, like her.
- Hi, Dee Dee.
Hi, Amy.
- Dude, dude, dude,
she spotted us!
Run!
Run for your lives!
[screaming]
- Oh, they're not busy.
They're just hanging out
without me on my birthday.
- Gram Applewhite says
wasting cake is sin.
[panting]
- We had one job.
- Chillax.
It was just the cake.
- And not even a good cake.
There was gravel
in the frosting.
[vomits]
- OK, OK. You know what would
make the party truly magical?
- Scorpions!
- No.
No, not scorpions, Chad.
What are you no, a magic show.
- My Uncle Pedro is a magician.
Maybe he'll work
the party for free.
- I'm sorry about
your friends, Dee Dee.
Are you OK?
- Totally. Yeah.
So what if my
so-called friends and family
have cast me asunder?
[engine revving]
- Radcliffe's got a Spin Whip?
Nice.
We have them all over New York.
- Wait, what?
What happened to Scoopsies?
I always get ice cream
on my birthday.
- Well, Spin Whip
is ice cream-ish.
- Welcome to Spin Whip.
Here at Spin Whip,
we whip frozen spinach
with your choice of acai,
carob chips, or goji berries.
Nailed it.
- [grumbles]
- Can I please have a scoop
of goji?
That's the best one.
- Uh, same, I guess.
[cash register dings]
[engine revs]
- So good, right?
- Uhh, in a spinach-y,
goji kinda way, sure.
- Hi, Uncle Pedro.
- What is happening right now?
This is not
scientifically possible.
- Magic is just science
that we do not understand!
- Uncle Pedro, it's Dee Dee's
birthday today.
And we're hoping you might
be able to do us a huge favor
and work the party.
[clang]
All: Whoa!
- Would if I could.
But alas,
I'm off to a very important gig.
Give Dee Dee my best
birthday regards.
- No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
See, um, we were supposed to
get a cake, but we dropped it,
and maybe you could just
loan me some equipment
and I'll perform a trick myself?
- Magic can be dangerous
in the wrong hands.
Sounds like Dee Dee's
parents are counting
on you to bring a cake.
So we'll make her a magical one.
I've got tons of supplies.
Bake her a cake!
- [groans]
[rock music]
♪
- Um, hello?
That is totally
the guy from Spin Whip.
Here, you're trying to tell
me this isn't a small town?
- [chuckles] Well, maybe
it's a little small,
but it has everything.
Wait until you try
the pizza here.
That's next on the party agenda.
- Dining room's closed today.
Health inspector found
a bloody bandage in his pie
and got all drama about it.
- No. I always get pizza
on my birthday.
- This can't be the only
pizza sitch in town.
- Well, Senor Chang's Pizza
does an all-you-can-eat thing.
It's OK.
But you gotta be really
hungry 'cause they don't
let you take home leftovers.
- Let's work up an appetite
then loser buys lunch.
- You're on.
- Ow, ow.
- Oh, no!
Oh, did I hurt you?
I'm so sorry!
- Ha ha.
[bell rings]
Gotcha.
- You're going down.
- Ah, slow and steady.
- Slow and steady.
Both: Slow and steady.
- [grunting]
- Oh, this cake is sweet!
There's only one thing missing.
- Chad? Wait.
Wasn't he just with us?
- Chad was wearing
my uncle's magic cape.
I bet it's a cloak
of invisibility.
My uncle has some
powerful stuff.
- People don't just disappear.
It's not scientifically
possible.
- Uh, do you see him here?
What does your science
have to say about that?
- Teddy, maybe you should
go call your uncle.
- Whoo! Hoo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-whoo!
[cell phone ringing]
[crashing]
[screaming]
- Ugh, no answer.
Guess he's busy
at his important gig.
- Hm. Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!
Your uncle's busy at his gig.
- [gasps] So he won't be
home for a while.
- So he won't know if we
borrow his magic stuff!
- You guys, it's almost 3:00.
Shouldn't we
- Magic! Magic!
- Magic! We want magic!
- We want magic! Magic!
- [sighs]
I miss books.
[Whitesnake's "Here I Go Again"
playing on speaker]
Here I go again on my own ♪
- [groans]
- I don't know how you
even got any inside you.
You've gotta learn how to
eat pizza like a New Yorker.
[munching]
- Up for a fresh round of 'za?
- [swallows] Bring it on!
- Sorry, no pizza to go.
Our slogan is "All-you-can-eat,
'til you leave your seat."
- I'm not planning
to leave my seat.
- Boom, solid loophole.
- What's next on
the birthday schedule?
- Oh, we actually did
everything I planned,
not quite as I planned, but
- We reached the
end of the agenda?
Guess I'm outta here.
- Well, wait, uh you wanna
just hang out?
- You're going off-script?
Bold.
I like it.
[The Notorious B.I.G.'s
"Mo Money Mo Problems" playing]
- I'm the D to the A
to the D-D-Y ♪
Know you'd rather see me die ♪
- Mmm, it's almost there.
[slurping]
Oh, perfect.
[bubbling]
And oh, boy, do I
have a need to piddle.
Be right back.
- Uh, hold that thought, Dot.
We're locked in, remember?
No bathroom.
- What am I gonna do?
I gotta go now!
Right now!
[groaning]
[dramatic sting]
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
- Wait! Dot, no!
[grunts] Dot, this is your
daughter's party.
You can't pee in the chip bowl.
- But you ate all the chips.
- It's the principle
of the thing.
- [grunting] Ahh!
[sizzling]
My party punch!
- My dry ice!
- Ahh!
- Whoa.
Hey, Francis,
try the handcuffs on.
And, Teddy, let me tell
you up in these chains.
We'll see which looks more
dangerous.
[both grunting]
Wow, you guys
really suck at magic.
- OK, now we're
just wasting time.
Can you unlock me?
My hands have a tendency
to get claustrophobic.
- OK, OK, yeah,
I saw the keys here somewhere.
[hissing]
Oh!
[strained grunting]
Uhh, uhh
[dramatic music]
An assist, please?
Now!
- I'm gonna miss this park
when I move to New York someday.
- Well, you can go
to Central Park.
It's pretty sweet.
I found a human hand
in there once.
- See, now that's
the kind of drama
we just don't get around here.
Thanks for hanging
out with me all day.
I still can't believe my friends
just blew off my birthday.
- What about your parents?
- They're on some
couples retreat.
They're marriage
and family therapists,
so they're obsessed with
marriage and family, usually.
- I'm so jealous.
My parents are divorced.
My dad's in New York.
But I guess my mom
and I live here now.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
That's super hard.
- Rackleff's kinda rad, though.
Thanks for showing me around,
especially on your birthday.
I know it's not how you
planned to celebrate.
- Are you kidding?
This turned out to be
the best date ever.
I mean, day ever!
Day! Day.
[chuckles]
[all screaming]
- This is how we're gonna die!
[screaming continues]
- I told you kids
that magic can be
dangerous in the wrong hands.
[chirping wildly]
♪
Snakes respond
to bird-like noises.
It's not magic.
It's science.
[wondrous music]
♪
- Whoa, now that was magic.
- Now let's go party!
[light music]
♪
[struggling efforts]
- Be right back.
Gotta feed the fish.
[chuckles]
[fish blubbering]
- [laughs]
Ooh. Hmm.
Huh? "How to Water
Your Love Garden."
- Oh, don't judge.
I told you my parents
are therapists.
- [laughs]
[horn blares]
[tires screeching]
- All right, go round back,
quick.
Dee Dee could be
home any second.
[dog muttering]
Hey, Spitzy, did
you put that there?
- Huh?
- [laughs] It's a good thing
we came along.
You could have locked
someone in the basement.
[dramatic music]
- Fire!
- Don't worry, I'm a licensed
fire shaman.
I got this.
- Ahh!
- Oh, oh!
That must be Nate.
He's gonna free us!
Yay!
- Nate, Nate
[muffled groaning]
[glass cracks]
- Dee Dee, I have a very
important question for you.
"What's Happening to
My Changing Body Now?"
- Ahh, give that back!
- Finally, I'm free!
- My parents are
so embarrassing.
- "Puberty is a glorious
rite of passage."
- Give it back here! Amy!
- Uh!
- Ah!
Gotcha. Aw!
Aha!
Whoa!
[both laughing]
Oh, wow.
These diagrams are so dorky.
- Really? I think this one sort
of looks like you.
- [laughs]
Oh, no. You're right.
- I promise not to tell.
- OK, it's a secret.
It'll be our special thing.
- I like that we have a thing.
[sentimental music]
- Me too.
I like you.
- I thought I
knew what I wanted to do ♪
I made big plans
before I met you ♪
Then you showed up
and everything changed ♪
I knew I'd never be the same ♪
Wait, maybe I'm the same
as I've always been ♪
I just didn't know
what was possible then ♪
Where will this take me? ♪
Who will I be? ♪
My future is
starting immediately ♪
- I felt so
alone in the small town ♪
I wanted to cry till
you came around ♪
I miss my old home
in New York City ♪
But you showed me how great
life here could be ♪
If I stayed in New York,
I wouldn't have you ♪
I can't believe
you like me too ♪
Where will this take me? ♪
Who will I be? ♪
My future is
starting immediately ♪
both:
Our future is starting ♪
Immediately ♪
[water bubbling]
[dramatic music]
[door creaking]
[banging]
- Uhh
Both: Surprise.
- Oh, honey, we wanted
to throw you the most
magical surprise party ever,
but
- But I ate all the chips.
- And then I peed
in the chip bowl.
- And then things kinda
unraveled from there.
- But at least Nate came
through with your cake.
This party would have been a
complete disaster without him.
- Thank you so much.
Yeah, you know,
it pays to be awesome.
I do consider myself
a pretty reliable guy.
And I'm glad that I
- Uh, maybe we should
cut the cake?
- Yes, please!
I'm starving.
- I brought pizza.
[rat chittering]
[squeals]
- Oh, man, we forgot
the candles.
- Don't need 'em. I can't think
of anything I'd wish for.
I'm already having
the best day ever.
[all gasp]
- Uh, did we decide to
go with the goat yoga?
♪
- [bleats]
- I thought I
knew what I wanted to do ♪
I made big plans
before I met you ♪
Then you showed up
and everything changed ♪
I knew I'd never be the same ♪
Wait, where will this
take me? ♪
Who will I be? ♪
My future is starting
immediately ♪