Foreign Exchange (2004) s01e21 Episode Script

1
(upbeat music)
(energetic music)
- Do you think you could
eat that any faster?
- Sorry mum, I gotta go.
- Well, enjoy your freedom,
because I need you back here tonight
to help clean out the skip.
- Why me?
- All of us, mate.
You, me, and Wayne.
- But it's Friday night!
- No buts, if the skip
doesn't get cleaned out,
then we get rats,
and a restaurant with rats
doesn't last very long.
- Come on, mate.
It'll be fun, we can use the hose.
- Yeah, maybe even the trigger spray.
It'll be awesome.
(gentle music)
(students chattering)
(whirring)
(door creaking)
- Sorry I'm late, Seamus.
- I don't want to hear it.
- You're too late for me
to even give you a lecture on being late.
- So, are you goin' somewhere?
- Yes, and you have to stand
in for me while I'm away.
- Where you goin' to?
- I'm visiting a friend.
Now, I've made a list of things
for you to do while I'm away.
- Who are you visiting?
Gosh, must be pretty serious
if you're gettin' all
dressed up like that.
- Never you mind.
Oh, and Miss. Murphy wants to see you
after classes are over.
- What for?
- She didn't say.
(engine starting)
(paper rustling)
- Honestly, Hannah.
I wouldn't ask if I didn't
really need your help.
All you have to do is
drop in, feed the fish.
- Why can't you do it?
- Because it's the National
Chess Tournament semi-final.
I can't be late.
- I don't even know where your aunt lives.
- Just five minutes away.
You can watch a video, bring
a friend, she won't mind.
(sighing)
- All right.
I'll do it, but just this once.
- Great!
There's just one other tiny thing as well.
- Which is?
- Feed Davis and Steve.
- Who?
- The school lab rats.
- They escaped months ago.
- They didn't escape, I freed them.
They live in a cage under my bed.
- Why?
- Because it's cruel to keep
animals locked up in a lab.
- Why under your bed?
- Because you know Miss.
Murphy's rules on pets.
She would freak if she knew I had them.
Come on, Hannah.
I've never turned you down
when you needed a favor.
(calm music)
Key and address.
She'll be back on Sunday.
Just leave the place as you found it.
- Why do I feel like I'm
slipping into deep water here?
- It'll be a breeze.
Thank you, Hannah.
I've got to go and pack my pawns!
(huffing)
- Have either of you girls seen Brett?
- Over here, miss.
- Brett?
I've been looking for you.
- Hi, Miss. Murphy.
I've been meaning to come and see you too.
- I've been going through
the school records,
and I don't seem to have
your address on file.
- Really? I thought I gave it to you.
- You're staying at a
hostel in town, aren't you?
- Well, it's more like a
guest house than a hostel.
Actually, it's more like a home, really.
- Is that right?
- Well, it's not like
a guest house at all.
They call for me, they do my laundry,
you know, the whole bit.
- Would you mind coming
into my office, please?
(intense music)
The Galway races are
only a few months away,
and my mother is bringing some
visitors over from Dublin.
- That's nice.
- That guest house of yours
sounds perfect for them.
I should book them in now.
- No.
No, no, you should keep your options open.
Your bound to find something better.
- From what you say, it
doesn't get any better.
- There's bound to be.
- Now, mother's coming
over for the weekend.
We'd like to drop by,
and have a look at this
guest house of yours.
What's the address?
(phone ringing)
- I'll write it down,
I'll give it to you later.
- Nevermind that.
No, no, Brett, I really need.
That boy.
(sighing)
O'Keeffe's College, Enge Murphy speaking.
- You said what?
- What was I supposed to say?
Actually there is no guest house,
I've been traveling between
Australia and Ireland
through a portal in the school cellar.
- And did you give her an address
for this imaginary guest house?
- No, I said I'll give it to her later.
I figured I'd buy some time
while you thought of what to do.
- Oh, no.
No!
I am not getting mixed up in this one.
And besides, I said I'd feed
Cormac's aunt's fish whilst she's away.
Was going to invite you
over to watch a video
but obviously you're,
why are you smiling?!
- This is perfect.
You've got keys to a
house and I need a house.
- I can see where this is
going. The answer is no.
- Hannah, if they
discover about the portal,
I'm not gonna be the only one
with a lot of explaining to do.
- But, you know, it's never gonna work.
- Trust me.
What's the address?
(peaceful music)
Hey, sorry I'm late.
Preparations.
- Preparations?
- Nice.
You start there.
- Whatever.
Just, as long as I'm gone
before they get here.
So, what is it exactly
that makes you think
this idiotic plan is gonna work?
- They're only gonna be
here for two minutes.
Do you have dining room?
- No.
Two minutes?
- Got it.
Yeah, two minutes tops.
Miss. Murphy just wants to
have a quick look around.
- And what am I going to be doing
while all of this is happening?
- You're going to be waiting down the road
and I'll signal you
when the coast is clear.
Details.
- Don't forget, we've got to get back
and take these signs down afterwards.
- Ah.
- Ah.
- Do you think you could cover that?
I've gotta get home early
or Craig's gonna murder me.
- And why should I?
I'm supposed to be in the
library studying, remember?
- It's not like I wanna get home early,
I'm spending the evening cleaning
our rubbish skip so we don't get rats.
- Davis and Steve.
- Excuse me?
- Cormac's pet rats!
I forgot to feed them!
- Well, there's something for you to do
while I'm entertaining.
(tense music)
Not supposed to be here for another hour.
- Well, why don't you go tell them that?
I have to get out of here.
- Through there, maybe
there's a back door.
(dramatic music)
- I really don't see why you couldn't
have dropped me off at the school first.
- We're just going to be
here for a minute, mother.
- Hey, Miss. Murphy, and this must be--
- Cut your hair, son.
- Mother, this is Brett.
- Everyone's away at the moment,
including the the owner,
so you can't make a booking I'm afraid.
- But it's lovely.
- Hm, could be worse.
- McGuire's Hotel is just down the road,
I can take you down there for a look.
- I refuse to spend
another moment on my feet.
- Do you think mother could
have a cup of tea here first?
She's had a long trip.
- Yeah, sure.
- Quite strong, one sugar.
And don't over-brew it.
- I'll see what I can do.
What're you still doing here?
- You said they'd be done in two minutes.
- You said you were
gonna feed Cormac's rats.
- How?!
The back door's locked.
- Oh. Well don't panic, they're
just gonna have some tea
then they'll be gone.
- [Marlene] Excuse me.
Young man!
- This has gone far enough.
You go and tell them we're
out of tea, young man.
- It's not that--
- Do it.
- Is this your family?
- Yeah, yeah, I love that picture of them.
It reminds me of them.
- Who's the weirdo?
- Mother!
You must really miss them.
- Oh, no, not really.
I speak to them every day.
- That must be expensive.
- I've found a cheap way of doing it.
Bad news, I'm afraid we're out of tea.
- Nevermind.
Mother's had another idea.
- We're staying for lunch.
(dramatic music)
- Hey, Hannah.
- I found the key.
- Yeah, you wanna hear something funny?
- No.
- They're staying for lunch.
- Are you nuts?
What're you gonna do?
- Well, I'm gonna keep them busy.
- And, um, what am I gonna do?
- I can see a bike in the back yard.
- Where am I going?
- To Australia?
- For food?
- Yeah.
- No.
Absolutely not.
No way!
Read my lips, no.
(calm music)
(whirring)
- Hi, Hannah.
- Oh.
- Oh, hi Hannah.
- Hello, Hannah.
- Hi, everyone.
- Brett with you?
- No.
We just thought we'd hang out
in his room and listen to music.
- Oh, good.
Can you remind him he's got
a date with the rubbish skip
as soon as I clear out the restaurant?
- Sure.
He just asked me to get him a
little snack from the fridge.
- Tell him to get it himself.
- Oh, I don't mind.
- I think we're all out, here.
I can get you something
from the restaurant.
- I don't wanna be any trouble.
- No, no trouble at all, just name it.
- Two seafood plates?
- Two seafood plates.
- And could I get one without calamari?
Maybe an extra prawn.
And two black fry escados.
That's with non-sweetened cream on both.
- Sure.
(upbeat music)
- There is an old lady starving out here.
- Lunch is served.
- Oh.
- How fabulous.
- Just as well.
- You won't be joining us?
- Oh, no, the breakfast here is so good
that I don't need lunch.
- So, uh, I'm told you
work with Seamus McCracken.
- Every time.
- I'm just asking the lad.
Does he ever mention me?
- He's not really a big talker.
- Next time you see him,
be sure to tell him Marlene says hi.
- Mother.
- I better, um, I'll just be, um.
- Can you believe that?
- What're you still doing here?
Don't you have to feed Cormac's rats?
- The rats can wait.
I wanna hear more about
Seamus's double life.
- Such a pity.
Every time I visit you, Seamus is away.
- I already told you, mother,
Seamus has gone to visit his sister.
At least, that's what he told me.
Personally, I think he's
gone to visit Agnus.
- Uh huh.
But he wouldn't have to
if you'd let Agnus stay at the school.
- I've been through this with Seamus,
it's against the rules
and it wouldn't be right.
- Oh, but he must get so lonely out there.
- Who's Agnus?
- So he was visiting a girlfriend.
- And you knew about this?
- Sh.
- All I am saying is
that if bending the rules
will save a fine man from a broken heart
then the rules should be bent.
- Do you think you could make one trip
without us having to have a conversation
about Seamus McCracken?
- I can't help it.
He's such a sauce pot.
- Mother.
- I don't think we should
be listening to this.
- I can't believe that.
Seamus is a romantic.
This is amazing.
- It'll be more amazing
if I'm at home in the next 20 minutes.
So what am I going to do?
- Oh, um.
Just tell them you can't have guests over
after, um, now.
- Great idea, I really owe you for this.
- No you don't 'cause you're going
to come back and tidy up here.
- What?
- Well I can't.
Schools have curfews, remember?
- Yeah, but I gotta--
- Just leave the place as you found it.
- Okay.
- Good luck.
You'll be fine.
- [Miss Murphy] I can't
thank you enough, Brett.
That really was a very mice meal
but we must be off, I'm running late.
- Ah, great.
That you had a good time, I mean.
- How much was it?
- Huh?
- Lunch.
- Oh, no. No, no, no, it's on the house.
- No, I insist.
- Ah, no, really.
Chef said.
Plus, I wouldn't know what to charge you.
- Well, that's very nice.
Could you let the owners know
I'll be in touch about the booking?
- Are you ready, mother?
- I've changed my mind.
I think I'll stay here for the night.
- Why would you want to do that?
- Yeah, why would you wanna do that?
- Well, my bags are already here.
- Don't be silly.
- And I never get as well
fed when I stay with you.
No offense, dear.
- But you have to book in advance.
They won't take anyone
unless you book in advance.
- Everyone's away, you said.
- Yeah but--
- Don't worry, Brett.
I'm sure everything'll be fine.
If there's a problem, just give me a call.
(cheerful music)
- Hello, anyone there?
Sorry I'm late, guys.
Steve, Davis?
(rats squeaking)
Davis?
Steve?
Davis.
Steve.
Davis.
Davis.
Steve.
Davis.
Davis?
Steve.
- I'm sorry, Seamus,
there's nothing I can do.
I sympathize but just because Agnus
can't stay with your sister
does not mean that she can stay here.
But I might have a solution.
I visited Brett today at
that guesthouse he says in,
well, it's only around the corner
and there's plenty of space.
Maybe Agnus could stay there?
Number 17, just down
the road from McGuire's.
Yes.
He's there right now.
Okay, bye bye, Seamus.
Oh, Seamus, watch out for mother.
Seamus?
(rat squeaking)
(dramatic music)
(Miss Murphy screaming)
Stay calm, we have something
of a rat situation.
Stay calm.
Stay calm!
For goodness sake!
- [Hannah] Davis?
Steve!
(dramatic music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
Hi, Miss Murphy, how are you?
I see.
Well, there's a bag of
rat poison in the shed,
I'll put it down Monday.
Now?
I can't.
Hello?
- Brett.
Thank goodness you're still here.
We have big trouble.
- I know, what have you done?
(knocking on door)
- That's Seamus.
- What's he doing here?
- Well he's here to ask you--
- [Marlene] It's all right.
I got it.
- Why is she still here?
- Brett!
Look who it is.
- Seamus.
- Hello, Brett.
- Such a surprise.
You should've told us you were coming.
- I can honestly say I had no idea
you would be here, Mrs. Murphey.
- It's Marlene, Seamus.
I have told you a hundred times!
Oh, isn't this nice?
- What are you doing here?
- I came to ask you a favor.
- What kind of favor?
- Agnus needs a place to
stay and I was wondering if--
- No.
No, no.
For goodness sakes, no.
Your girlfriend can't stay here.
- Huh?
- Girlfriend?
- Quickly, quickly.
Stay calm.
Quickly.
Out you go.
Quickly, quickly.
Okay, okay, settle down, everyone.
Settle down.
We just have a small rat
problem in the school.
Oh, there's nothing to worry about.
Brett's here, he'll have
it sorted in no time.
How long is this going to take?
- Should be about three days?
- Three days?
- It could be five.
- Where am I going to put
everyone for that amount of time?
- There is another way.
- What?
- Oh, no.
- What?
- It's against school rules.
- Anything.
- Have you met Agnus?
- As long as Agnus is here at O'Keeffe's,
you'll never see another rat.
- I don't know.
- I promise you.
And so does Agnus.
(Agnus mewing)
- Go on then.
- Mother?
I thought you were staying
at the guest house?
- I changed my mind!
Yoo-hoo, Seamus!
(sighs)
- Rats.
- Brett?
Brett?
Brett!
- Yeah.
- Where were you?
I've been looking for
you for over an hour.
- I was out getting rat poison.
Do you want the job done fast
or do you want it done right?
I'll set up the skip.
- I'm right behind you, mate.
(cheerful music)
- Hannah?
What's all this about cats and rat poison?
- Hi, Cormac.
How was the tournament?
- I won, of course.
But Davis and Steve are missing.
- Don't worry, they're fine.
They have plenty of food
and they're in a safe place.
- [Marlene] Rats!
(screaming)
(upbeat music)